100. ALL THE STARS, Kendrick Lamar & SZA
99. SCANDILOVE, Ida Maria
98. SOUR DIESEL, ZAYN
97. NARCISSIST, No Rome featuring The 1975
96. BAD BOY, Red Velvet
95. PYNK, Janelle Monáe featuring Grimes
94. FREAKING OUT, A R I Z O N A
93. THRU YOUR PHONE, Cardi B
92. BAD GIRLFRIEND, Anne-Marie
91. LOVIN IS BIBLE, The Aces
90. GOOD VIBES, ALMA featuring Tove Styrke
89. GIVE 'N' TAKE, Call Me Loop
88. EVERYTHING YOU SAY, Beatrich
87. EVER AGAIN, Robyn
86. YOUNGBLOOD, 5 Seconds of Summer
85. HEAD ABOVE WATER, Avril Lavigne
84. CHINA SHOP, St. Lucia
83. sweetener, Ariana Grande
82. GIVE YOURSELF A TRY, The 1975
81. OVER YOU, Hogland featuring Jazz Mino
80. ON NE MEURT PAS D'AMOUR, Clara Luciani
79. IN MY FEELINGS, Drake
78. AFTERSHOCK, Hannah Jane Lewis
77. HOROLOLO, EXO-CBX
76. HURT YOU, The Weeknd featuring Gesaffelstein
75. KRIPPY KUSH (Travis Scott Remix), Farruko, Nicki Minaj & Bad Bunny featuring Travis Scott & Rvssian
74. GOOD EVENING, SHINee
73. YOUR TEETH IN MY NECK, Kali Uchis
72. sex money feelings die, Lykke Li
71. LOVE LASTS FOREVER, All Saints
70. PARADISE, George Ezra
69. REWIND, JONGHYUN
68. SINNER, Deaf Havana
67. JIMMY, Darling
66. MONSTERS, Saara Aalto
65. YES, Louisa featuring 2 Chainz
64. ATLETICO (THE ONLY ONE), Rae Morris
63. WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?, Mitski
62. IN MY CABANA, Margaret
61. A LIFETIME TO REPAIR, Kylie Minogue
60. MAKE ME FEEL, Janelle Monáe
59. SUGAR & SPICE, Hatchie
58. I DO, Cardi B featuring SZA
57. DANCE AWAY MY BROKEN HEART, Abby Anderson
56. A NO NO, Mariah Carey
55. MY MY MY!, Troye Sivan
54. BRUISE, Ryan Beatty
53. SHALLOW, Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper
52. ACCELERATE, Christina Aguilera featuring Ty Dolla $ign & 2 Chainz
51. MISSING U, Robyn
50. FINESSE (Remix), Bruno Mars featuring Cardi B
49. DANCE TO THIS, Troye Sivan featuring Ariana Grande
48. APESHIT, The Carters
47. CHERRY, Rina Sawayama
46. BOO'D UP, Ella Mai
45. TOO MUCH, ZAYN featuring Timbaland
44. NOT SO BAD IN LA, Allie X
43. FAMILIAR, Liam Payne & J Balvin
42. EASY BABY, Hudson Taylor
41. HUNGER, Florence + The Machine
40. HEALTHY, PRETTYMUCH
39. SWEET BUT PSYCHO, Ava Max
38. LEFT FOR DEAD, RABBII
37. BARBIE DREAMS, Nicki Minaj
36. IF YOU'RE OVER ME, Years & Years
35. FERNANDO, Cher
34. I'M A MESS, Bebe Rexha
33. TALK FAST, 5 Seconds of Summer
32. LET YOU LOVE ME, Rita Ora
31. DON'T PANIC, XYL
30. ELECTRICITY, Silk City & Dua Lipa featuring Diplo & Mark Ronson
29. CLOSE TO ME, Ellie Goulding, Diplo & Swae Lee
28. HIGH HORSE, Kacey Musgraves
27. SKINTIGHT, Isle of You
26. BABY, Clean Bandit featuring Marina & The Diamonds & Luis Fonsi
25. THE ONE, Folly Rae
24. LOST IN JAPAN, Shawn Mendes
23. PARTY FOR ONE, Carly Rae Jepsen
22. CHECKLIST, Normani x Calvin Harris featuring WizKid
21. MARINERS APARTMENT COMPLEX, Lana Del Rey
20. LA GRENADE, Clara Luciani
19. SIREN, Sunmi
18. LOVE HAS ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE, Jade Bird
17. MAMMA MIA, SF9
16. NONE OF MY BUSINESS, Cher Lloyd
15. CLOSE YOUR EYES, Kim Petras
14. ALL FOR YOU, Years & Years
13. DURA (Remix), Daddy Yankee featuring Becky G, Bad Bunny & Natti Natasha
12. COOL LIKE YOU, Blossoms
11. DRINK ABOUT YOU, Seeb featuring Dagny
10. NOTHING BREAKS LIKE A HEART, Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus
09. IT'S NOT LIVING (IF IT'S NOT WITH YOU), The 1975
08. THERE'S A REASON WHY (I NEVER RETURNED YOUR CALLS), Blossoms
07. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, Folly Rae
06. HEART TO BREAK, Kim Petras
05. DO IT AGAIN, No Rome
04. FAKE LOVE, BTS
03. HEROINE, Sunmi
02. no tears left to cry, Ariana Grande
01. I LIKE IT, Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J Balvin
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Top 100 Songs of 2017
100. WHEN UR SOBER, Tayá featuring Yxng Bane
99. TROUBLE, Sam Outlaw
98. KITTY GIRL, RuPaul
97. LAST DANCE, Rhys
96. SKY WALKER, Miguel featuring Travis Scott
95. BLOOD UNDER MY BELT, The Drums
94. PHASES, Alma & French Montana
93. TAKE ME, Aly & AJ
92. CITY LIGHTS, Blanche
91. SORRY NOT SORRY, Demi Lovato
90. MOTOR SPORT, Migos, Nicki Minaj & Cardi B
89. SAY YOU DO, Tei Shi
88. RENEGADES, Thomas Rhett
87. I'M STUCK, Noah Cyrus
86. DO YOU WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE?, Soulwax
85. WHAT DO I TELL MY FRIENDS?, Bree Runway
84. GIRL CRUSH, Harry Styles
83. PAPER LOVE, Allie X
82. THERE'S NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK, Shawn Mendes
81. DUSK TILL DAWN, ZAYN featuring Sia
80. POWER, Katy Perry
79. AIRBORNE, Cut Copy
78. HOLIDAY, Girls' Generation
77. CRAVING YOU, Thomas Rhett featuring Maren Morris
76. (RE) RELEASE ME, Oh Laura
75. THE LOUVRE, Lorde
74. LADY POWERS, Vera Blue
73. MISS YOU, Gabrielle Aplin
72. MIDNIGHT, Jessie Ware
71. 1-800-273-8255, Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid
70. AMY, Little Jinder
69. NO LOVE IN THE JUNGLE, Harper
68. ISSUES, Julia Michaels
67. MARQUEE SIGN, Sara Evans
66. CONTROLLER, Hercules & Love Affair featuring Faris Badwan
65. SUPERCUT, Lorde
64. PLOT TWIST, Sigrid
63. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, Rhys
62. STRANGERS, Halsey featuring Lauren Jauregui
61. DON'T LEAVE, Snakehips & MØ
60. YOU CAN CRY TOMORROW, Betty Who
59. LOST MAPS, Marnie
58. WAITING, BETSY
57. MOUTH TO MOUTH, Sophia Somajo
56. FAULT LINE, Michelle Branch
55. MERMAID, Skott
54. ANYMORE, Goldfrapp
53. TEASE, Ralph
52. CRYBABY, Paloma Faith
51. DISCO TITS, Tove Lo
50. WATERFALLS, Luke Christopher
49. FLASHBACKS & FUTURES, Frida Sundemo
48. MODERN WOMAN, Tennis
47. BEND, Ria Mae
46. ALL FALLS DOWN, Alan Walker, Noah Cyrus & Digital Farm Animals
45. SLOW HANDS, Niall Horan
44. LOVING IS EASY, Rex Orange County
43. BAD LIAR, Selena Gomez
42. TWO GHOSTS, Harry Styles
41. TOO MUCH TO ASK (CEDRIC GERVAIS REMIX), Niall Horan
40. THAS MY GIRL, Swet Shop Boys
39. POP, Soto Voce
38. DON'T KILL MY VIBE, Sigrid
37. ANYWHERE, Rita Ora
36. CUT TO THE FEELING, Carly Rae Jepsen
35. OUAGADOUGOU, BC Unidos featuring Shungudzo
34. COPYCAT, Billie Eilish
33. BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA, P!nk
32. NOW, Grace Mitchell
31. BODY, LÉON
30. DON'T RECALL, K.A.R.D
29. NEW RULES, Dua Lipa
28. INSTRUCTION, Jax Jones featuring Demi Lovato & Stefflon Don
27. ALPHAGIRLS & ALPHABOYS, Whales & This Lake
26. BACK TO YOU, Louis Tomlinson featuring Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
25. 1UL, Danny L Harle
24. BOYS, Charli XCX
23. WANTED MORE, BETSY
22. AS I LAY ME DOWN, Wiktoria
21. DREW BARRYMORE, SZA
20. REDBONE, Childish Gambino
My peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid
Nearly a year after its release, I'm still nowhere near sick of hearing Gambino's slick, sexy, gorgeous-sounding, surprising earworm of a song.
19. LEMON, N.E.R.D & Rihanna
The truth will set you free/But first it will piss you off
As with the Nicki and Cardi verses on "Motor Sport" further down this list, the killer, 59 second Rihanna verse--sounding even more untouchable than she usually does--sandwiched between two Pharrell raps is the only reason anyone cared about this song.
18. ROCKABYE, Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul & Anne-Marie
All on her own, no one will come/She's got to save him
The best dance song about a single mom doing whatever she can to support her child since City High's "What Would You Do."
17. BOY, K.I.D
Tell me why you hesitate, don't you love me yet?
"Boy," the highlight from K.I.D's incredible Poster Child EP, is proof that she is the fresh new popstar we desperately need but probably don't deserve. When so much of the indie pop sound in 2017 was dominated by wispier-sounding fare, K.I.D's aggressive, punch-to-the-dick attitude was a fresh change of pace. I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for her.
16. DISCONNECT, Clean Bandit & Marina & The Diamonds
Feel my battery running low/I don't want to be alone
As we are living through the best and the worst of the Smartphone Era, it's increasingly evident how intertwined our emotions and technology can be. Given how we have a president who threatens nuclear war over an app best suited to discussing Shonda Rhimes shows in real time, 2017 was a breaking point of sorts for us all. Evidently written a couple years ago, it's amazing how prescient "Disconnect" is, as Marina and Clean Bandit felt and processed our collective exhaustion before we even realized how tired we were.
15. FEEL IT STILL, Portugal. The Man
Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I have to give credit where credit is due and shout out my boyfriend for introducing me to this song months before it became a Top 40 hit. Whenever I hear "Feel It Still," I still think of the silly dance he did to it, which sold me on it as much as the song itself did. It's kind of a shame Portugal. The Man are such pricks about doing "real" music with "real" instruments, but it's hard to argue with the results here.
14. PRAYING, Kesha
Some things, only God can forgive
The old Ke$ha can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's dead. And with "Praying," Kesha has been resurrected. A transcendent, thoughtful meditation on moving forward after trauma, going high when many in her position would have gone low. The entire final verse, as well as the Big Note, still gives me chills every time I hear it.
13. LUST FOR LIFE, Lana Del Rey & The Weeknd
There's no more night/Blue skies forever
The La La Land we all deserved. During the darkest moments of the year, it was Lana Del Rey and The Weeknd, of all people, whose optimism kept me going. I mean, if Lana is telling you to keep the hope that things will get better, you kinda have to believe her.
12. REGGAETÓN LENTO (REMIX), CNCO & Little Mix
Just get a little closer, baby, let go
A desperate "Despacito" cash-in that is infinitely better than "Despacito."
11. LIABILITY, Lorde
She's so hard to please but she's a forest fire
This is the moment Lorde cemented her status as this millennium's Kate Bush. Deceptively simply, yet a profound self-assessment. Lorde's way with a lyric is simply unmatched right now.
10. BODY BOUNCE, Lao Ra & Konshens
Think it's been years but I'm still feeling lonely
"Body Bounce" is my ideal summer song: a bright, shimmery, light surface barely concealing a dark core. Retains the edge Lao Ra brought with "Jesus Made Me Bad" while pushing her sound in a different direction.
09. SCARED OF THE DARK, Steps
Just say you're mine and stay by my side
If ABBA somehow reunited, despite decades of saying they wouldn't do it for any sum of money, I imagine their comeback single would sound like "Scared of the Dark." The Steps reunion continues to surprise in ways I never imagined possible.
08. DON'T TAKE THE MONEY, Bleachers
Somebody broke me once/Love was a currency
Between the Lorde album and the highlights from the Bleachers album, Jack Antonoff had a hell of a 2017. With a brilliant push into a chorus that leaves me breathless both emotionally and physically (you simply must scream the entire thing), the dude knows how to write a pop song.
07. XO TOUR LLIF3, Lil Uzi Vert
All my friends are dead/Push me to the edge
Nihilism as a catchy rap song. I don't think this would have worked--or at least have been as big of a hit--even as recently as last year.
06. LET 'EM TALK, Kesha featuring Eagles of Death Metal
I've decided all the haters everywhere can suck my dick
"TiK ToK" announced Kesha (née Ke$ha) as the messiest good-time girl you've ever met. "C'Mon" sharpened that image as she matured, a little wiser, a little more cognizant of herself in this world. In "Let 'Em Talk," Kesha has realized what real freedom is for her. It's not simply drinking in excess, having sex with everyone, partying until dawn--it's doing all that and truly not giving a fuck what anyone says about you. And, after the hell she has been through with the Dr. Luke assault, why would she? A perfect conclusion to this unofficial trilogy.
05. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, Austra
You're indifferent/You're a stranger to what makes you feel good
A cloud of mystery shrouds this dance ballad from outer space. Does the protagonist love their partner more than they love themself because their partner is depressed and withdrawn due to some unspecified mental health issue or because they're simply not as into the relationship as the protagonist is? Is it a combination of both? I find it easy to lose myself in this song, as if in a dream, standing in a forest as a thick fog begins to clear.
04. BOY LIKE A GIRL, Stockholm Noir featuring Ofelia
I might be a dreamer/And I dream of you
A gay disco fantasia. The sort of song you imagine playing in the background when you spot your future partner dancing without a care across the room and immediately fall in love.
03. BODAK YELLOW, Cardi B
If I see you and I don't speak/That means I don't fuck with you
Helping get Cardi B to number one for two glorious weeks was, in all seriousness, one of the highlights of the year for me. For a moment, when we all needed it the most, it felt like anything was possible. Cardi B's ascent from stripper to reality show star to rapper, the American Dream come true before our very eyes, has been well documented and made her enormous success feel even greater. "Bodak Yellow" confidently introduces us to Cardi; does it feel like anyone else but her, with her inimitable flow, could pull this song off? So far, it's looking like this Cinderella story won't end in 2018 with her new Bentley (which she can't and doesn't drive!) turning into a pumpkin. This is the start of a brilliant career.
02. SIGN OF THE TIMES, Harry Styles
Will we ever learn?/We've been here before/It's just what we know
I knew Harry Styles was going to have a huge solo career. What I didn't expect was "Sign of the Times," a six minute long, out-of-nowhere, 1970s rock ballad throwback. Harry has always had a great voice, but what surprised me most about his vocal performance is how emotional it is. The final 90 seconds still gives me chills, the raw sadness aching through every repeat of "We've got to get away," as if he has to give everything he's got before it's too late.
01. GREEN LIGHT, Lorde
She thinks you love the beach, you're such a damn liar
Why wasn't this as big of a hit as "Despacito"? The fact that it barely peaked in the Top 20 is one of the biggest travesties of 2017 (and, honestly, 2017 had its fair share of travesties). Lyrically, it's the kind of mature pop dance jam most artists Lorde's age would kill to record. Sonically, it pushes both Lorde and pop music in general forward ten years--its influence probably won't be felt until the next generation of popstars begins their careers. The piano crescendoing through the bridge is the musical moment of the year. "Green Light" is triumphant, a joy to hear, a joy to feel deep in your bones, the kind of song you want to sing out of the sun roof of a car at 3 am in New York City. It conjures up so many specific feelings yet its message is universal. Everything about "Green Light" made 2017 a little less terrible. Thank the Lorde.
A handy Spotify playlist for you all to enjoy:
99. TROUBLE, Sam Outlaw
98. KITTY GIRL, RuPaul
97. LAST DANCE, Rhys
96. SKY WALKER, Miguel featuring Travis Scott
95. BLOOD UNDER MY BELT, The Drums
94. PHASES, Alma & French Montana
93. TAKE ME, Aly & AJ
92. CITY LIGHTS, Blanche
91. SORRY NOT SORRY, Demi Lovato
90. MOTOR SPORT, Migos, Nicki Minaj & Cardi B
89. SAY YOU DO, Tei Shi
88. RENEGADES, Thomas Rhett
87. I'M STUCK, Noah Cyrus
86. DO YOU WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE?, Soulwax
85. WHAT DO I TELL MY FRIENDS?, Bree Runway
84. GIRL CRUSH, Harry Styles
83. PAPER LOVE, Allie X
82. THERE'S NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK, Shawn Mendes
81. DUSK TILL DAWN, ZAYN featuring Sia
80. POWER, Katy Perry
79. AIRBORNE, Cut Copy
78. HOLIDAY, Girls' Generation
77. CRAVING YOU, Thomas Rhett featuring Maren Morris
76. (RE) RELEASE ME, Oh Laura
75. THE LOUVRE, Lorde
74. LADY POWERS, Vera Blue
73. MISS YOU, Gabrielle Aplin
72. MIDNIGHT, Jessie Ware
71. 1-800-273-8255, Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid
70. AMY, Little Jinder
69. NO LOVE IN THE JUNGLE, Harper
68. ISSUES, Julia Michaels
67. MARQUEE SIGN, Sara Evans
66. CONTROLLER, Hercules & Love Affair featuring Faris Badwan
65. SUPERCUT, Lorde
64. PLOT TWIST, Sigrid
63. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, Rhys
62. STRANGERS, Halsey featuring Lauren Jauregui
61. DON'T LEAVE, Snakehips & MØ
60. YOU CAN CRY TOMORROW, Betty Who
59. LOST MAPS, Marnie
58. WAITING, BETSY
57. MOUTH TO MOUTH, Sophia Somajo
56. FAULT LINE, Michelle Branch
55. MERMAID, Skott
54. ANYMORE, Goldfrapp
53. TEASE, Ralph
52. CRYBABY, Paloma Faith
51. DISCO TITS, Tove Lo
50. WATERFALLS, Luke Christopher
49. FLASHBACKS & FUTURES, Frida Sundemo
48. MODERN WOMAN, Tennis
47. BEND, Ria Mae
46. ALL FALLS DOWN, Alan Walker, Noah Cyrus & Digital Farm Animals
45. SLOW HANDS, Niall Horan
44. LOVING IS EASY, Rex Orange County
43. BAD LIAR, Selena Gomez
42. TWO GHOSTS, Harry Styles
41. TOO MUCH TO ASK (CEDRIC GERVAIS REMIX), Niall Horan
40. THAS MY GIRL, Swet Shop Boys
39. POP, Soto Voce
38. DON'T KILL MY VIBE, Sigrid
37. ANYWHERE, Rita Ora
36. CUT TO THE FEELING, Carly Rae Jepsen
35. OUAGADOUGOU, BC Unidos featuring Shungudzo
34. COPYCAT, Billie Eilish
33. BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA, P!nk
32. NOW, Grace Mitchell
31. BODY, LÉON
30. DON'T RECALL, K.A.R.D
29. NEW RULES, Dua Lipa
28. INSTRUCTION, Jax Jones featuring Demi Lovato & Stefflon Don
27. ALPHAGIRLS & ALPHABOYS, Whales & This Lake
26. BACK TO YOU, Louis Tomlinson featuring Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
25. 1UL, Danny L Harle
24. BOYS, Charli XCX
23. WANTED MORE, BETSY
22. AS I LAY ME DOWN, Wiktoria
21. DREW BARRYMORE, SZA
20. REDBONE, Childish Gambino
My peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid
Nearly a year after its release, I'm still nowhere near sick of hearing Gambino's slick, sexy, gorgeous-sounding, surprising earworm of a song.
19. LEMON, N.E.R.D & Rihanna
The truth will set you free/But first it will piss you off
As with the Nicki and Cardi verses on "Motor Sport" further down this list, the killer, 59 second Rihanna verse--sounding even more untouchable than she usually does--sandwiched between two Pharrell raps is the only reason anyone cared about this song.
18. ROCKABYE, Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul & Anne-Marie
All on her own, no one will come/She's got to save him
The best dance song about a single mom doing whatever she can to support her child since City High's "What Would You Do."
17. BOY, K.I.D
Tell me why you hesitate, don't you love me yet?
"Boy," the highlight from K.I.D's incredible Poster Child EP, is proof that she is the fresh new popstar we desperately need but probably don't deserve. When so much of the indie pop sound in 2017 was dominated by wispier-sounding fare, K.I.D's aggressive, punch-to-the-dick attitude was a fresh change of pace. I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for her.
16. DISCONNECT, Clean Bandit & Marina & The Diamonds
Feel my battery running low/I don't want to be alone
As we are living through the best and the worst of the Smartphone Era, it's increasingly evident how intertwined our emotions and technology can be. Given how we have a president who threatens nuclear war over an app best suited to discussing Shonda Rhimes shows in real time, 2017 was a breaking point of sorts for us all. Evidently written a couple years ago, it's amazing how prescient "Disconnect" is, as Marina and Clean Bandit felt and processed our collective exhaustion before we even realized how tired we were.
15. FEEL IT STILL, Portugal. The Man
Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I have to give credit where credit is due and shout out my boyfriend for introducing me to this song months before it became a Top 40 hit. Whenever I hear "Feel It Still," I still think of the silly dance he did to it, which sold me on it as much as the song itself did. It's kind of a shame Portugal. The Man are such pricks about doing "real" music with "real" instruments, but it's hard to argue with the results here.
14. PRAYING, Kesha
Some things, only God can forgive
The old Ke$ha can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's dead. And with "Praying," Kesha has been resurrected. A transcendent, thoughtful meditation on moving forward after trauma, going high when many in her position would have gone low. The entire final verse, as well as the Big Note, still gives me chills every time I hear it.
13. LUST FOR LIFE, Lana Del Rey & The Weeknd
There's no more night/Blue skies forever
The La La Land we all deserved. During the darkest moments of the year, it was Lana Del Rey and The Weeknd, of all people, whose optimism kept me going. I mean, if Lana is telling you to keep the hope that things will get better, you kinda have to believe her.
12. REGGAETÓN LENTO (REMIX), CNCO & Little Mix
Just get a little closer, baby, let go
A desperate "Despacito" cash-in that is infinitely better than "Despacito."
11. LIABILITY, Lorde
She's so hard to please but she's a forest fire
This is the moment Lorde cemented her status as this millennium's Kate Bush. Deceptively simply, yet a profound self-assessment. Lorde's way with a lyric is simply unmatched right now.
10. BODY BOUNCE, Lao Ra & Konshens
Think it's been years but I'm still feeling lonely
"Body Bounce" is my ideal summer song: a bright, shimmery, light surface barely concealing a dark core. Retains the edge Lao Ra brought with "Jesus Made Me Bad" while pushing her sound in a different direction.
09. SCARED OF THE DARK, Steps
Just say you're mine and stay by my side
If ABBA somehow reunited, despite decades of saying they wouldn't do it for any sum of money, I imagine their comeback single would sound like "Scared of the Dark." The Steps reunion continues to surprise in ways I never imagined possible.
08. DON'T TAKE THE MONEY, Bleachers
Somebody broke me once/Love was a currency
Between the Lorde album and the highlights from the Bleachers album, Jack Antonoff had a hell of a 2017. With a brilliant push into a chorus that leaves me breathless both emotionally and physically (you simply must scream the entire thing), the dude knows how to write a pop song.
07. XO TOUR LLIF3, Lil Uzi Vert
All my friends are dead/Push me to the edge
Nihilism as a catchy rap song. I don't think this would have worked--or at least have been as big of a hit--even as recently as last year.
06. LET 'EM TALK, Kesha featuring Eagles of Death Metal
I've decided all the haters everywhere can suck my dick
"TiK ToK" announced Kesha (née Ke$ha) as the messiest good-time girl you've ever met. "C'Mon" sharpened that image as she matured, a little wiser, a little more cognizant of herself in this world. In "Let 'Em Talk," Kesha has realized what real freedom is for her. It's not simply drinking in excess, having sex with everyone, partying until dawn--it's doing all that and truly not giving a fuck what anyone says about you. And, after the hell she has been through with the Dr. Luke assault, why would she? A perfect conclusion to this unofficial trilogy.
05. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, Austra
You're indifferent/You're a stranger to what makes you feel good
A cloud of mystery shrouds this dance ballad from outer space. Does the protagonist love their partner more than they love themself because their partner is depressed and withdrawn due to some unspecified mental health issue or because they're simply not as into the relationship as the protagonist is? Is it a combination of both? I find it easy to lose myself in this song, as if in a dream, standing in a forest as a thick fog begins to clear.
04. BOY LIKE A GIRL, Stockholm Noir featuring Ofelia
I might be a dreamer/And I dream of you
A gay disco fantasia. The sort of song you imagine playing in the background when you spot your future partner dancing without a care across the room and immediately fall in love.
03. BODAK YELLOW, Cardi B
If I see you and I don't speak/That means I don't fuck with you
Helping get Cardi B to number one for two glorious weeks was, in all seriousness, one of the highlights of the year for me. For a moment, when we all needed it the most, it felt like anything was possible. Cardi B's ascent from stripper to reality show star to rapper, the American Dream come true before our very eyes, has been well documented and made her enormous success feel even greater. "Bodak Yellow" confidently introduces us to Cardi; does it feel like anyone else but her, with her inimitable flow, could pull this song off? So far, it's looking like this Cinderella story won't end in 2018 with her new Bentley (which she can't and doesn't drive!) turning into a pumpkin. This is the start of a brilliant career.
02. SIGN OF THE TIMES, Harry Styles
Will we ever learn?/We've been here before/It's just what we know
I knew Harry Styles was going to have a huge solo career. What I didn't expect was "Sign of the Times," a six minute long, out-of-nowhere, 1970s rock ballad throwback. Harry has always had a great voice, but what surprised me most about his vocal performance is how emotional it is. The final 90 seconds still gives me chills, the raw sadness aching through every repeat of "We've got to get away," as if he has to give everything he's got before it's too late.
01. GREEN LIGHT, Lorde
She thinks you love the beach, you're such a damn liar
Why wasn't this as big of a hit as "Despacito"? The fact that it barely peaked in the Top 20 is one of the biggest travesties of 2017 (and, honestly, 2017 had its fair share of travesties). Lyrically, it's the kind of mature pop dance jam most artists Lorde's age would kill to record. Sonically, it pushes both Lorde and pop music in general forward ten years--its influence probably won't be felt until the next generation of popstars begins their careers. The piano crescendoing through the bridge is the musical moment of the year. "Green Light" is triumphant, a joy to hear, a joy to feel deep in your bones, the kind of song you want to sing out of the sun roof of a car at 3 am in New York City. It conjures up so many specific feelings yet its message is universal. Everything about "Green Light" made 2017 a little less terrible. Thank the Lorde.
A handy Spotify playlist for you all to enjoy:
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Top 100 Songs of 2016
100. BURN BREAK CRASH, Aanysa x Snakehips
99. WHAT YOU NEED, Britney Spears
98. DADDY LESSONS, Beyoncé & Dixie Chicks
97. TEARS, Clean Bandit featuring Louisa Johnson
96. I CAN ONLY STARE, Sleigh Bells
95. DIAMOND HEART, Lady Gaga
94. VICE, Lisbon
93. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?, Shura
92. TREASURE, LÉON
91. LOVE SICK JERK, Catey Shaw
90. CHEAP THRILLS, Sia
89. STARBOY, The Weeknd featuring Daft Punk
88. SAPPHIRE, Sophia Somajo
87. CLOSER, The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey
86. YOU WANT THE SUN, Niki & The Dove
85. HELP ME RUN AWAY, St. Lucia
84. dRUNk, ZAYN
83. SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, Majid Jordan
82. A LOVE SONG, Ladyhawke
81. REAPER, Sia
80. YOUNIVERSE, Molly Sandén
79. SPACEMAN, Clare Maguire
78. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, Pussy Riot
77. CRUEL, Snakehips featuring ZAYN
76. LOVE ON THE BRAIN, Rihanna
75. HOLD UP, Beyoncé
74. HOMETOWN GIRL, ZHU
73. HARD TO FORGET YA, Britney Spears
72. NEVER EVER, Röyksopp featuring Susanne Sundfør
71. MAKE ME LIKE YOU, Gwen Stefani
70. FAB., JoJo featuring Remy Ma
69. FOOLS GOLD, Dagny featuring BØRNS
68. LIKE I WOULD, ZAYN
67. ROMEO, Chairlift
66. SISTER BROTHER MOTHER FATHER, Niki & The Dove
65. WAVES (REMIX), Miguel featuring Kasey Musgraves
64. FAINT OF HEART, Tegan and Sara
63. SAME OL' MISTAKES, Rihanna
62. LONELY GIRL, Charles Kelley
61. DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE, Lucas Nord
60. THE SOUND, The 1975
59. STARVING, Hailee Steinfeld & Grey featuring Zedd
58. DEBUT, Maria Hazell
57. JESUS MADE ME BAD, Lao Ra
56. DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON ME, Lissie
55. IMAGINATION, Love & Other Crimes
54. NOBODY CARES, LÉON
53. THIS AIN'T OVER, Alex Newell
52. YOU STUPID BITCH, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast/Rachel Bloom
51. WILD WEST, Lissie
50. CHEWING GUM, Nina Nesbitt
49. NOTHING'S REAL, Shura
48. SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, Majid Jordan
47. SEXUAL, NEIKED
46. IN MY MIND, Maty Noyes
45. PHENOMENAL WOMAN, Laura Mvula
44. BOYFRIEND, Tegan and Sara
43. GENERATIONWHY, ZHU
42. HEAVY ON MY HEART, Saint Clair
41. IT'S OVER, Marlin Limon
40. IT'S ONLY A DREAM, Modern Space
39. AIN'T MY FAULT, Zara Larsson
38. TRUE CONFESSIONS, Blondfire
37. NO, Meghan Trainor
36. RUNAWAY, TP4Y
35. ALL IN THE NAME, Bright Light Bright Light featuring Elton John
34. PILLOWTALK, ZAYN
33. KISS IT BETTER, Rihanna
32. KEEPING YOUR HEAD UP, Birdy
31. ROOKIE, LCMDF
30. OLD HABITS DIE HARD, Allie X
29. SO MUCH IT HURTS, Niki & The Dove
28. DON'T HURT YOURSELF, Beyoncé featuring Jack White
27. FINAL SONG, MØ
26. MAN ON THE MOON, Britney Spears
25. FORMATION, Beyoncé
24. TIRED OF TALKING, LÉON
23. MAKE IT WORK, Majid Jordan
22. CLOSER, Josef Salvat
21. COOL ME DOWN, Margaret
20. WHO DO YOU THINK OF?, M.O
19. ALL NIGHT, Beyoncé
18. I KNOW A PLACE, MUNA
17. FUCK APOLOGIES., JoJo featuring Wiz Khalifa
16. X-COMMUNICATE, Kristin Kontrol
15. ISLANDS OF ME, Nelly Furtado
14. CRY, Carly Rae Jepsen
13. BeFoUr, ZAYN
12. GREEDY, Ariana Grande
11. MOTH TO THE FLAME, Chairlift
10. ONE WOMAN MAN, All Saints
09. MY GIRL, The Fooo Conspiracy
08. INTO YOU, Ariana Grande
07. ME TOO, Meghan Trainor
06. 1944, Jamala
05. LOVE ME LIKE THAT, The Knocks featuring Carly Rae Jepsen
04. ELIZABETH TAYLOR, Clare Maguire
03. SORRY, Beyoncé
02. WORK FROM HOME, Fifth Harmony featuring Ty Dolla $ign
01. iT'S YoU, ZAYN
99. WHAT YOU NEED, Britney Spears
98. DADDY LESSONS, Beyoncé & Dixie Chicks
97. TEARS, Clean Bandit featuring Louisa Johnson
96. I CAN ONLY STARE, Sleigh Bells
95. DIAMOND HEART, Lady Gaga
94. VICE, Lisbon
93. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?, Shura
92. TREASURE, LÉON
91. LOVE SICK JERK, Catey Shaw
90. CHEAP THRILLS, Sia
89. STARBOY, The Weeknd featuring Daft Punk
88. SAPPHIRE, Sophia Somajo
87. CLOSER, The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey
86. YOU WANT THE SUN, Niki & The Dove
85. HELP ME RUN AWAY, St. Lucia
84. dRUNk, ZAYN
83. SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, Majid Jordan
82. A LOVE SONG, Ladyhawke
81. REAPER, Sia
80. YOUNIVERSE, Molly Sandén
79. SPACEMAN, Clare Maguire
78. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, Pussy Riot
77. CRUEL, Snakehips featuring ZAYN
76. LOVE ON THE BRAIN, Rihanna
75. HOLD UP, Beyoncé
74. HOMETOWN GIRL, ZHU
73. HARD TO FORGET YA, Britney Spears
72. NEVER EVER, Röyksopp featuring Susanne Sundfør
71. MAKE ME LIKE YOU, Gwen Stefani
70. FAB., JoJo featuring Remy Ma
69. FOOLS GOLD, Dagny featuring BØRNS
68. LIKE I WOULD, ZAYN
67. ROMEO, Chairlift
66. SISTER BROTHER MOTHER FATHER, Niki & The Dove
65. WAVES (REMIX), Miguel featuring Kasey Musgraves
64. FAINT OF HEART, Tegan and Sara
63. SAME OL' MISTAKES, Rihanna
62. LONELY GIRL, Charles Kelley
61. DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE, Lucas Nord
60. THE SOUND, The 1975
59. STARVING, Hailee Steinfeld & Grey featuring Zedd
58. DEBUT, Maria Hazell
57. JESUS MADE ME BAD, Lao Ra
56. DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON ME, Lissie
55. IMAGINATION, Love & Other Crimes
54. NOBODY CARES, LÉON
53. THIS AIN'T OVER, Alex Newell
52. YOU STUPID BITCH, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast/Rachel Bloom
51. WILD WEST, Lissie
50. CHEWING GUM, Nina Nesbitt
49. NOTHING'S REAL, Shura
48. SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, Majid Jordan
47. SEXUAL, NEIKED
46. IN MY MIND, Maty Noyes
45. PHENOMENAL WOMAN, Laura Mvula
44. BOYFRIEND, Tegan and Sara
43. GENERATIONWHY, ZHU
42. HEAVY ON MY HEART, Saint Clair
41. IT'S OVER, Marlin Limon
40. IT'S ONLY A DREAM, Modern Space
39. AIN'T MY FAULT, Zara Larsson
38. TRUE CONFESSIONS, Blondfire
37. NO, Meghan Trainor
36. RUNAWAY, TP4Y
35. ALL IN THE NAME, Bright Light Bright Light featuring Elton John
34. PILLOWTALK, ZAYN
33. KISS IT BETTER, Rihanna
32. KEEPING YOUR HEAD UP, Birdy
31. ROOKIE, LCMDF
30. OLD HABITS DIE HARD, Allie X
29. SO MUCH IT HURTS, Niki & The Dove
28. DON'T HURT YOURSELF, Beyoncé featuring Jack White
27. FINAL SONG, MØ
26. MAN ON THE MOON, Britney Spears
25. FORMATION, Beyoncé
24. TIRED OF TALKING, LÉON
23. MAKE IT WORK, Majid Jordan
22. CLOSER, Josef Salvat
21. COOL ME DOWN, Margaret
20. WHO DO YOU THINK OF?, M.O
19. ALL NIGHT, Beyoncé
18. I KNOW A PLACE, MUNA
17. FUCK APOLOGIES., JoJo featuring Wiz Khalifa
16. X-COMMUNICATE, Kristin Kontrol
15. ISLANDS OF ME, Nelly Furtado
14. CRY, Carly Rae Jepsen
13. BeFoUr, ZAYN
12. GREEDY, Ariana Grande
11. MOTH TO THE FLAME, Chairlift
10. ONE WOMAN MAN, All Saints
09. MY GIRL, The Fooo Conspiracy
08. INTO YOU, Ariana Grande
07. ME TOO, Meghan Trainor
06. 1944, Jamala
05. LOVE ME LIKE THAT, The Knocks featuring Carly Rae Jepsen
04. ELIZABETH TAYLOR, Clare Maguire
03. SORRY, Beyoncé
02. WORK FROM HOME, Fifth Harmony featuring Ty Dolla $ign
01. iT'S YoU, ZAYN
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Top 100 Songs of 2015
Carly Rae Jepsen sure had a great year, didn't she?
100. Shamir "Call It Off"
99. Maliibu N Helene "Figure 8"
98. Passion Pit "Until We Can't (Let's Go)"
97. Rebecca & Fiona "Sayonara"
96. Molly Pettersson Hammar "I'll Be Fine"
95. Janelle Monáe & Jidenna "Yoga"
94. Maroon 5 "Sugar"
93. Kelly Clarkson "Nostalgic"
92. Ellie Goulding "On My Mind"
91. Rachel Platten "Stand By You"
90. Dolly Style "Hello Hi"
89. Icona Pop "Emergency"
88. Josef Salvat "Open Season (Une Autre Saison)"
87. Florence + The Machine "What Kind of Man"
86. Demi Lovato "Confident"
85. Brandon Flowers "Still Want You"
84. Dua Lipa "Be the One"
83. Lana Del Rey "Music to Watch Boys To"
82. Hilary Duff "Arms Around a Memory"
81. Autre Ne Veut "World War Pt. 2"
80. Duran Duran featuring Janelle Monáe & Nile Rodgers "Pressure Off"
79. Years & Years "Worship"
78. Hailee Steinfeld "Rock Bottom"
77. Marina & The Diamonds "Forget"
76. Sandra Lyng "Play My Drum"
75. Tourist featuring Josef Salvat & Niia "Holding On"
74. Ciara "Give Me Love"
73. Coeur de pirate "Carry On"
72. Say Lou Lou "Blue on Blue"
71. Disclosure "Jaded"
70. Daya "Sit Still, Look Pretty"
69. Hilary Duff "Sparks"
68. Justin Bieber "What Do You Mean?"
67. Class Actress "GFE"
66. Carly Rae Jepsen "All That"
65. The Bohicas "Only You"
64. Fifth Harmony featuring Kid Ink "Worth It"
63. Charli XCX "So Over You"
62. Miami Horror featuring Sarah Chernoff "Real Slow"
61. Alessia Cara "Here"
60. Gwen Stefani "Used to Love You"
59. Cardiknox "On My Way"
58. Samantha Urbani "1 2 3 4"
57. The Weeknd "Can't Feel My Face"
56. Taylor Swift "Wildest Dreams"
55. St. Lucia "Dancing On Glass"
54. Noonie Bao "Pyramids"
53. Nick Jonas "Levels"
52. Sharks "Wait"
51. Ciara featuring Pitbull & Missy Elliott "That's How I'm Feelin'"
50. Nicki Minaj, Drake & Lil' Wayne "Truffle Butter"
49. Catey Shaw "Walks All Over You"
48. NERVO "It Feels"
47. Ty Dolla $ign featuring Charli XCX & Tinashe "Drop That Kitty"
46. Elliphant "Love Me Badder"
45. Tove Styrke "Number One"
44. Major Lazer featuring MØ & DJ Snake "Lean On"
43. Madonna "Living For Love"
42. twenty one pilots "Tear In My Heart"
41. Justin Bieber "Sorry"
40. Carly Rae Jepsen "Run Away With Me"
39. Drake "Hotline Bling"
38. Bleachers & MØ "You're Still a Mystery"
37. Summer Camp "Bad Love"
36. Eric Saade "Sting"
35. M.O "Preach"
34. Maren Morris "80's Mercedes"
33. Transviolet "Night Vision"
32. Allie X "Prime"
31. Hurts "Some Kind of Heaven"
30. Selena Gomez "Sober"
29. Tanlines "Pieces"
28. Lo-Fi-Fnk "Nightclub Nirvana"
27. Jason Derulo "Want to Want Me"
26. Carly Rae Jepsen "I Really Like You"
25. Little Mix "Black Magic"
24. Years & Years "Shine"
23. Miami Horror featuring Cleopold "Love Like Mine"
22. Erik Hassle "No Words"
21. Rihanna "Bitch Better Have My Money"
20. Brandon Flowers "Lonely Town"
19. Galantis "Peanut Butter Jelly"
18. Hailee Steinfeld "Love Myself"
17. Fleur East "Sax"
16. Elle King "Ex's & Oh's"
15. Adele "Hello"
14. Example "Whisky Story"
13. Grace Mitchell "Jitter"
12. Petite Meller "Baby Love"
11. Maren Morris "Drunk Girls Don't Cry"
10. LANY "Bad, Bad, Bad"
09. Little Mix "Love Me Like You"
08. Florence + The Machine "Queen of Peace"
07. Jess Glynne "Don't Be So Hard on Yourself"
06. Carly Rae Jepsen "Your Type"
05. George Ezra "Drawing Board"
04. Susanne Sundfør "Delirious (Richard X Remix)"
03. Carly Rae Jepsen "Boy Problems"
02. Brandon Flowers "Can't Deny My Love"
01. Years & Years "King"
And for those of you with Spotify capabilities, here's a handy dandy playlist (minus T-Swift, obviously, as well as Samantha Urbani & Molly Pettersson Hammar)
100. Shamir "Call It Off"
99. Maliibu N Helene "Figure 8"
98. Passion Pit "Until We Can't (Let's Go)"
97. Rebecca & Fiona "Sayonara"
96. Molly Pettersson Hammar "I'll Be Fine"
95. Janelle Monáe & Jidenna "Yoga"
94. Maroon 5 "Sugar"
93. Kelly Clarkson "Nostalgic"
92. Ellie Goulding "On My Mind"
91. Rachel Platten "Stand By You"
90. Dolly Style "Hello Hi"
89. Icona Pop "Emergency"
88. Josef Salvat "Open Season (Une Autre Saison)"
87. Florence + The Machine "What Kind of Man"
86. Demi Lovato "Confident"
85. Brandon Flowers "Still Want You"
84. Dua Lipa "Be the One"
83. Lana Del Rey "Music to Watch Boys To"
82. Hilary Duff "Arms Around a Memory"
81. Autre Ne Veut "World War Pt. 2"
80. Duran Duran featuring Janelle Monáe & Nile Rodgers "Pressure Off"
79. Years & Years "Worship"
78. Hailee Steinfeld "Rock Bottom"
77. Marina & The Diamonds "Forget"
76. Sandra Lyng "Play My Drum"
75. Tourist featuring Josef Salvat & Niia "Holding On"
74. Ciara "Give Me Love"
73. Coeur de pirate "Carry On"
72. Say Lou Lou "Blue on Blue"
71. Disclosure "Jaded"
70. Daya "Sit Still, Look Pretty"
69. Hilary Duff "Sparks"
68. Justin Bieber "What Do You Mean?"
67. Class Actress "GFE"
66. Carly Rae Jepsen "All That"
65. The Bohicas "Only You"
64. Fifth Harmony featuring Kid Ink "Worth It"
63. Charli XCX "So Over You"
62. Miami Horror featuring Sarah Chernoff "Real Slow"
61. Alessia Cara "Here"
60. Gwen Stefani "Used to Love You"
59. Cardiknox "On My Way"
58. Samantha Urbani "1 2 3 4"
57. The Weeknd "Can't Feel My Face"
56. Taylor Swift "Wildest Dreams"
55. St. Lucia "Dancing On Glass"
54. Noonie Bao "Pyramids"
53. Nick Jonas "Levels"
52. Sharks "Wait"
51. Ciara featuring Pitbull & Missy Elliott "That's How I'm Feelin'"
50. Nicki Minaj, Drake & Lil' Wayne "Truffle Butter"
49. Catey Shaw "Walks All Over You"
48. NERVO "It Feels"
47. Ty Dolla $ign featuring Charli XCX & Tinashe "Drop That Kitty"
46. Elliphant "Love Me Badder"
45. Tove Styrke "Number One"
44. Major Lazer featuring MØ & DJ Snake "Lean On"
43. Madonna "Living For Love"
42. twenty one pilots "Tear In My Heart"
41. Justin Bieber "Sorry"
40. Carly Rae Jepsen "Run Away With Me"
39. Drake "Hotline Bling"
38. Bleachers & MØ "You're Still a Mystery"
37. Summer Camp "Bad Love"
36. Eric Saade "Sting"
35. M.O "Preach"
34. Maren Morris "80's Mercedes"
33. Transviolet "Night Vision"
32. Allie X "Prime"
31. Hurts "Some Kind of Heaven"
30. Selena Gomez "Sober"
29. Tanlines "Pieces"
28. Lo-Fi-Fnk "Nightclub Nirvana"
27. Jason Derulo "Want to Want Me"
26. Carly Rae Jepsen "I Really Like You"
25. Little Mix "Black Magic"
24. Years & Years "Shine"
23. Miami Horror featuring Cleopold "Love Like Mine"
22. Erik Hassle "No Words"
21. Rihanna "Bitch Better Have My Money"
20. Brandon Flowers "Lonely Town"
19. Galantis "Peanut Butter Jelly"
18. Hailee Steinfeld "Love Myself"
17. Fleur East "Sax"
16. Elle King "Ex's & Oh's"
15. Adele "Hello"
14. Example "Whisky Story"
13. Grace Mitchell "Jitter"
12. Petite Meller "Baby Love"
11. Maren Morris "Drunk Girls Don't Cry"
10. LANY "Bad, Bad, Bad"
09. Little Mix "Love Me Like You"
08. Florence + The Machine "Queen of Peace"
07. Jess Glynne "Don't Be So Hard on Yourself"
06. Carly Rae Jepsen "Your Type"
05. George Ezra "Drawing Board"
04. Susanne Sundfør "Delirious (Richard X Remix)"
03. Carly Rae Jepsen "Boy Problems"
02. Brandon Flowers "Can't Deny My Love"
01. Years & Years "King"
And for those of you with Spotify capabilities, here's a handy dandy playlist (minus T-Swift, obviously, as well as Samantha Urbani & Molly Pettersson Hammar)
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Top 100 Songs of 2014
I'm not going to lie to you: 2014 was not exactly a banner year for music. Commercial Top 40 music, in particular, was fucking awful. Don't believe me? Just take a glance at this year's biggest artists and hits. At one point in the summer, five songs in the Top 10 had either Iggy Azaela or Ariana Grande on them in some form. Five! The music-buying public went crazy like they had never heard a terrible white "rapper" (Iggy is as much of a rapper as Ke$ha, which means not at all) or a generic teen pop starlet (Miley & Demi both have more personality AND better music than Ariana) before. Meghan Trainor spent about 20 weeks at number one with that "All About That Bass" song, a curves-loving anthem so generic no one will remember it in 18 months. In the same vein, Nicki Minaj had to resort to using the most obvious 90s rap sample to land a top 10 hit (although she redeemed herself with her Pinkprint album by the end of the year). The Sam Smith album sold by the boatload, although I suspect it was more of a "This will do until Adele releases her next album" thing rather than it actually being any good.
And don't even get me started about the new Taylor Swift album. Listen, I thought Red was a revelation when it came out two years ago: a pop-country hybrid that managed to push Taylor in a musical direction outside her comfort zone while retaining her talent for clear, precise and deeply resonant lyrics. Then "Shake It Off," easily the absolute worst song of the year, came out and people start losing their shit. "Oh my God, I can't believe how good the new Taylor Swift album is," I heard repeatedly, as if they deserved a big fucking medal for lowering themselves to listen to pop music. The problem with "Shake It Off," and 1989 in general, is that in completely ditching her country roots for pop, Taylor (mostly) lost what was special about her in the first place. "Shake It Off" is so generic, so cookie-cutter, so completely bland, any pop star could have sung it and it wouldn't have made a difference at all. What other Taylor Swift song can you say that about?
That minor rant aside, the year wasn't a complete waste. I did manage to find 100 songs I liked, after all. Lana Del Rey continued her string of successes with the best album about living and dealing with violence--physical, emotional and self-inflicted--since Rihanna's Rated R. After five years, La Roux snapped the sophomore slump that has plagued so many recent artists in their position after brilliant debuts and sky high expectations. G.R.L., 2NE1 and Fifth Harmony gave new life to the girl group in this post-Girls Aloud world. And a batch of new female artists (Ella Henderson, Tove Lo, Indiana, Kiesza, Tinashe, Charli XCX, Ella Eyre, FKA twigs) and female-led duos (BANKS, Broods) pumped out interesting, provocative, living, breathing music that point to bright futures down the road.
100. Dominique Young Unique "Throw It Down"
99. 5 Seconds of Summer "Long Way Home"
98. Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper "Confident"
97. The Ting Tings "Wrong Club"
96. Ola "Maybe"
95. Mariah Carey featuring Wale "You Don't Know What to Do"
94. White Sea "Warsaw"
93. Britney Spears "Til It's Gone"
92. Jesse McCartney "Back Together"
91. Zara Larsson "Rooftop"
90. Eagle-Eye Cherry & Darin "Dream Away"
89. Bondax "All I See"
88. Keyshia Cole featuring Juicy J "Rick James"
87. Foster the People "Coming of Age"
86. Strange Talk "Young Hearts"
85. Hozier "Take Me to Church"
84. Neon Jungle "Welcome to the Jungle"
83. Tove Lo "Timebomb"
82. The Saturdays "What Are You Waiting For?"
81. Porter Robinson "Sad Machine"
80. Kleerup featuring Susanne Sundfør "Let Me In"
79. Jennifer Lopez featuring Jack Mizrahi "Tens"
78. RAC featuring Tegan and Sara "Hard to Hold"
77. Lykke Li "Love Me Like I'm Not Made of Stone"
76. Charli XCX "Boom Clap"
75. Alison Valentine "Curious"
74. Tove Lo "Not on Drugs"
73. Austin Mahone "Till I Find You"
72. Pitbull featuring G.R.L. "Wild Wild Love"
71. Becky G "Shower"
70. Clean Bandit featuring Jess Glynne "Rather Be"
69. Lana Del Rey "Money Power Glory"
68. Disclosure featuring Mary J. Blige "F For You"
67. Cher Lloyd "Killing It"
66. Selena Gomez "The Heart Wants What It Wants"
65. Chelsea Lankes "Secret"
64. Brett "Golden"
63. The Fooo Conspiracy "King of the Radio"
62. Lana Del Rey "Ultraviolence"
61. Rebecca & Fiona "Holler (Fred Falke Club Mix)"
60. MØ "Say You'll Be There"
59. Nicki Minaj featuring Skylar Grey "Bed of Lies"
58. Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne "Real Love"
57. Shakira "Broken Record"
56. Marina & The Diamonds "Froot"
55. Beyoncé featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche "***Flawless"
54. Neon Jungle "Braveheart"
53. Lana Del Rey "Brooklyn Baby"
52. 2NE1 "Gotta Be You"
51. Ariana Grande "One Last Time"
50. Lana Del Rey "Black Beauty"
49. Danity Kane "All in a Day's Work"
48. Broken Bells "After the Disco"
47. A-L-X "Allure"
46. Sam Smith "Like I Can"
45. La Roux "Sexotheque"
44. Tove Stryke "Even If I'm Loud It Doesn't Mean I'm Talking to You"
43. Mr. Probz "Waves (Robin Schulz Radio Edit)"
42. Foster the People "Best Friend"
41. Jessie Ware "Want Your Feeling"
40. Ella Henderson "Pieces"
39. Walk the Moon "Shut Up and Dance"
38. La Roux "Uptight Downtown"
37. Kylie Minogue "Mr. President"
36. Nick Jonas "Teacher"
35. Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding "Outside"
34. One Direction "Fireproof"
33. Jennifer Lopez featuring French Montana "I Luh Ya Papi"
32. Aretha Franklin "Rolling in the Deep (The Aretha Version)"
31. Sia "Hostage"
30. 5 Seconds of Summer "Don't Stop"
29. Tove Lo featuring Hippie Sabotage "Stay High (Habits Remix)"
28. Paloma Faith "Only Love Can Hurt Like This"
27. Lana Del Rey "Cruel World"
26. Röyksopp & Robyn "Do It Again"
25. Ace Wilder "Busy Doin' Nothin"
24. La Roux "Let Me Down Gently"
23. Idina Menzel "Let It Go"
22. Charli XCX "Break the Rules"
21. Ella Eyre "Comeback"
20. Rixton "Me and My Broken Heart"
Hold me so I'm not falling apart
Me: "'Me and My Broken Heart' contains the best Rob Thomas sample we're ever likely to hear."
will.i.am: *out of nowhere* "Is that a challenge?"
Me: *remembers "The Time (Dirty Bit)"* "JESUS SHITTING CHRIST, NO."
19. FKA twigs "Two Weeks"
Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of it, it's my lovin'
I first heard an FKA twigs song last year and let's just say that her spacey, avant garde sound wasn't my cup of tea. So, imagine my surprise when "Two Weeks" came on my co-worker's internet radio station, and I was immediately smitten with it. "Two Weeks" is still spacey and avant garde (at least in comparison to what I usually listen to), but it somehow comes together and works.
18. Tinashe featuring ScHoolboy Q "2 On"
Get money, get money like an invoice
How pissed is Ciara that she couldn't get her hands on this jam?
17. Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z "Drunk in Love"
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
A song that white people will ripoff and ruin for years to come. Still, "Drunk in Love" is a stunning achievement for Beyoncé and pop music in general: a song about sex sung by a woman who clearly enjoys sex but doesn't reduce it to clichés or ridiculous entendres.
16. BANKS "Beggin for Thread"
You should have known, secretly I think you knew
This is what the second Hurts album should have sounded like: dark, emotive, dramatic yet outlined with pop sensibilities.
15. Kiesza "No Enemiesz"
Why stop when there's so much more
Kiesza's first two singles were fine 90s house throwbacks (was there anything released last year that wasn't a 90s house throwback?) but ultimately did little for me. "No Enemiesz," however, is in a completely different league. Great beat, clever wordplay and a chorus that takes a shit on most choruses of this decade.
14. Taylor Swift "Blank Space"
Got a long list of ex-lovers/They'll tell you I'm insane
You think Taylor's crazy? She'll show you crazy. Unlike "Shake It Off," this is a brilliant, Swift-specific takedown of the psychotic maneater the media portrays Taylor to be.
13. Indiana "Solo Dancing"
The music stops/The spell is broken
The Robyn song that was supposed to save pop music in 2014. The swerve at the end from quiet electropop to club banger is one of the year's finest musical moments.
12. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart "Eurydice"
I'll never stop losing you
Despite its depressing subject matter, "Eurydice" is the best shopping mall, "let's try on every outfit in this store" movie montage song since Alphabeat's "Fascination."
11. Fifth Harmony "BO$$"
Michelle Obama/Purse so heavy, gettin' Oprah dollars
How easy would it have been to mention Beyoncé or Rihanna and be done with it? Too easy. The beautiful thing about "BO$$," above and beyond its inherent catchiness, is the fact that the Fifth Harmony ladies are celebrating African American women--Oprah and Michelle Obama--who got ahead on their smarts and aren't pop stars. Nice touch, ladies.
10. Ryn Weaver "OctaHate"
From the day I saw my heart start breaking/No one saved me
Charli XCX had a major year with two U.S. Top 10 hits (Iggy's "Fancy" and "Boom Clap") and another brilliant single "Break the Rules," but her co-writing credit on this song is her finest contribution to 2014's music scene. And let's not forget newcomer Ryn Weaver, whose interpretation of this song is nearly as nutty as Sia's "Chandelier" yet works in much the same way.
09. G.R.L. "Ugly Heart"
I wonder does it stop your heart to know/You're not my sunshine anymore
Go figure that even with the majority of G.R.L.'s output co-written by Max "God" Martin, this non-Martin tune is the one that showcased just how wonderful they truly are. I sincerely hope that after member Simone Battle's tragic passing back in September, G.R.L. is able to regroup and continue on because it would be a shame to lose a girl group with this much potential.
08. 5 Seconds of Summer "She Looks So Perfect"
I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart
The boys of 5SOS positioned themselves perfectly in the pop realm this year: loads of personality, a tad rebellious but harmless enough to get parental approval, room to mature in next few years, and clever songwriting that will serve them well whether they decide to toe the pop-punk line or become full-on punk in the future.
07. Ed Sheeran "Sing"
Then she handed me a water bottle filled with tequila/I already know she's a keeper
I never thought in a million years that I'd have an Ed Sheeran song in my year-end Top 10. I was wrong.
06. Broods "Mother & Father"
I don't want to be just fine
A simple, straight-forward song--it's barely three minutes long--about early adulthood that nails the confusion of the age, the dichotomy between wanting the comforts and security of home and not settling for less than your ideal life.
05. Rita Ora "I Will Never Let You Down"
You know how to love only when you're holding me
I never thought in a million years that I'd have a Rita Ora song in my year-end Top 10. I was wrong.
04. Katy B "Crying for No Reason"
I can lie to everyone but not to myself"
Who else was not expecting this emotional wallop from Katy B? Good Lord. This is what dancing through the tears is all about.
03. Sia "Chandelier"
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life/Won't look down, won't open my eyes
The first time I heard "Chandelier," I couldn't believe it. The bonkers vocal arrangement should push this dark song into drag queen camp, but Sia uses it to add even more emotional depth to an already rich song. Who else but the drunken, on-the-edge protagonist of "Chandelier" would teeter between shouting and running up and down scales to give a voice to her desperation?
02. Ella Henderson "Ghost"
I keep going to the river to pray
Based on the blandness of his own band's music, it's easy to forget that Ryan Tedder is often one of the premier songwriters in the business. "Ghost" is his best songs in years, maybe even since his magnum opus "Bleeding Love." From the opening line, the song casts a spell, alternating between larger than life gospel and haunted blues. And who better than newcomer Ella Henderson, positioned as the reincarnation of Dusty Springfield, to bring grit and soul to Tedder's words and music? Mark my words, by album two or three this woman will be unstoppable.
01. Sky Ferreira "I Blame Myself"
How could you know what it feels like to fight the hounds of hell
I first noticed Sky Ferreira and her song "One" all the way back in 2010. As she moved away from that electropop sound toward something a little more indie, I grew less interested. But then came this monster of a track from her first full-length album Night Time, My Time, and she won me back immediately. Technically, I'm cheating by including it on this year's list since it came out last year. But I didn't really get into it until the beginning of this year, and she released it as a single soon after, so I'm counting it. Besides, how could you expect me to ignore a song like "I Blame Myself," a song that's as raw and painful as anything Lana Del Rey does on a regular basis but wrapped up in an uptempo beat different than anything commercial Top 40 was producing this year. Sky clearly knows who she is; now we just need to get everyone else to discover it for themselves.
And don't even get me started about the new Taylor Swift album. Listen, I thought Red was a revelation when it came out two years ago: a pop-country hybrid that managed to push Taylor in a musical direction outside her comfort zone while retaining her talent for clear, precise and deeply resonant lyrics. Then "Shake It Off," easily the absolute worst song of the year, came out and people start losing their shit. "Oh my God, I can't believe how good the new Taylor Swift album is," I heard repeatedly, as if they deserved a big fucking medal for lowering themselves to listen to pop music. The problem with "Shake It Off," and 1989 in general, is that in completely ditching her country roots for pop, Taylor (mostly) lost what was special about her in the first place. "Shake It Off" is so generic, so cookie-cutter, so completely bland, any pop star could have sung it and it wouldn't have made a difference at all. What other Taylor Swift song can you say that about?
That minor rant aside, the year wasn't a complete waste. I did manage to find 100 songs I liked, after all. Lana Del Rey continued her string of successes with the best album about living and dealing with violence--physical, emotional and self-inflicted--since Rihanna's Rated R. After five years, La Roux snapped the sophomore slump that has plagued so many recent artists in their position after brilliant debuts and sky high expectations. G.R.L., 2NE1 and Fifth Harmony gave new life to the girl group in this post-Girls Aloud world. And a batch of new female artists (Ella Henderson, Tove Lo, Indiana, Kiesza, Tinashe, Charli XCX, Ella Eyre, FKA twigs) and female-led duos (BANKS, Broods) pumped out interesting, provocative, living, breathing music that point to bright futures down the road.
100. Dominique Young Unique "Throw It Down"
99. 5 Seconds of Summer "Long Way Home"
98. Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper "Confident"
97. The Ting Tings "Wrong Club"
96. Ola "Maybe"
95. Mariah Carey featuring Wale "You Don't Know What to Do"
94. White Sea "Warsaw"
93. Britney Spears "Til It's Gone"
92. Jesse McCartney "Back Together"
91. Zara Larsson "Rooftop"
90. Eagle-Eye Cherry & Darin "Dream Away"
89. Bondax "All I See"
88. Keyshia Cole featuring Juicy J "Rick James"
87. Foster the People "Coming of Age"
86. Strange Talk "Young Hearts"
85. Hozier "Take Me to Church"
84. Neon Jungle "Welcome to the Jungle"
83. Tove Lo "Timebomb"
82. The Saturdays "What Are You Waiting For?"
81. Porter Robinson "Sad Machine"
80. Kleerup featuring Susanne Sundfør "Let Me In"
79. Jennifer Lopez featuring Jack Mizrahi "Tens"
78. RAC featuring Tegan and Sara "Hard to Hold"
77. Lykke Li "Love Me Like I'm Not Made of Stone"
76. Charli XCX "Boom Clap"
75. Alison Valentine "Curious"
74. Tove Lo "Not on Drugs"
73. Austin Mahone "Till I Find You"
72. Pitbull featuring G.R.L. "Wild Wild Love"
71. Becky G "Shower"
70. Clean Bandit featuring Jess Glynne "Rather Be"
69. Lana Del Rey "Money Power Glory"
68. Disclosure featuring Mary J. Blige "F For You"
67. Cher Lloyd "Killing It"
66. Selena Gomez "The Heart Wants What It Wants"
65. Chelsea Lankes "Secret"
64. Brett "Golden"
63. The Fooo Conspiracy "King of the Radio"
62. Lana Del Rey "Ultraviolence"
61. Rebecca & Fiona "Holler (Fred Falke Club Mix)"
60. MØ "Say You'll Be There"
59. Nicki Minaj featuring Skylar Grey "Bed of Lies"
58. Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne "Real Love"
57. Shakira "Broken Record"
56. Marina & The Diamonds "Froot"
55. Beyoncé featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche "***Flawless"
54. Neon Jungle "Braveheart"
53. Lana Del Rey "Brooklyn Baby"
52. 2NE1 "Gotta Be You"
51. Ariana Grande "One Last Time"
50. Lana Del Rey "Black Beauty"
49. Danity Kane "All in a Day's Work"
48. Broken Bells "After the Disco"
47. A-L-X "Allure"
46. Sam Smith "Like I Can"
45. La Roux "Sexotheque"
44. Tove Stryke "Even If I'm Loud It Doesn't Mean I'm Talking to You"
43. Mr. Probz "Waves (Robin Schulz Radio Edit)"
42. Foster the People "Best Friend"
41. Jessie Ware "Want Your Feeling"
40. Ella Henderson "Pieces"
39. Walk the Moon "Shut Up and Dance"
38. La Roux "Uptight Downtown"
37. Kylie Minogue "Mr. President"
36. Nick Jonas "Teacher"
35. Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding "Outside"
34. One Direction "Fireproof"
33. Jennifer Lopez featuring French Montana "I Luh Ya Papi"
32. Aretha Franklin "Rolling in the Deep (The Aretha Version)"
31. Sia "Hostage"
30. 5 Seconds of Summer "Don't Stop"
29. Tove Lo featuring Hippie Sabotage "Stay High (Habits Remix)"
28. Paloma Faith "Only Love Can Hurt Like This"
27. Lana Del Rey "Cruel World"
26. Röyksopp & Robyn "Do It Again"
25. Ace Wilder "Busy Doin' Nothin"
24. La Roux "Let Me Down Gently"
23. Idina Menzel "Let It Go"
22. Charli XCX "Break the Rules"
21. Ella Eyre "Comeback"
20. Rixton "Me and My Broken Heart"
Hold me so I'm not falling apart
Me: "'Me and My Broken Heart' contains the best Rob Thomas sample we're ever likely to hear."
will.i.am: *out of nowhere* "Is that a challenge?"
Me: *remembers "The Time (Dirty Bit)"* "JESUS SHITTING CHRIST, NO."
19. FKA twigs "Two Weeks"
Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of it, it's my lovin'
I first heard an FKA twigs song last year and let's just say that her spacey, avant garde sound wasn't my cup of tea. So, imagine my surprise when "Two Weeks" came on my co-worker's internet radio station, and I was immediately smitten with it. "Two Weeks" is still spacey and avant garde (at least in comparison to what I usually listen to), but it somehow comes together and works.
18. Tinashe featuring ScHoolboy Q "2 On"
Get money, get money like an invoice
How pissed is Ciara that she couldn't get her hands on this jam?
17. Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z "Drunk in Love"
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
A song that white people will ripoff and ruin for years to come. Still, "Drunk in Love" is a stunning achievement for Beyoncé and pop music in general: a song about sex sung by a woman who clearly enjoys sex but doesn't reduce it to clichés or ridiculous entendres.
16. BANKS "Beggin for Thread"
You should have known, secretly I think you knew
This is what the second Hurts album should have sounded like: dark, emotive, dramatic yet outlined with pop sensibilities.
15. Kiesza "No Enemiesz"
Why stop when there's so much more
Kiesza's first two singles were fine 90s house throwbacks (was there anything released last year that wasn't a 90s house throwback?) but ultimately did little for me. "No Enemiesz," however, is in a completely different league. Great beat, clever wordplay and a chorus that takes a shit on most choruses of this decade.
14. Taylor Swift "Blank Space"
Got a long list of ex-lovers/They'll tell you I'm insane
You think Taylor's crazy? She'll show you crazy. Unlike "Shake It Off," this is a brilliant, Swift-specific takedown of the psychotic maneater the media portrays Taylor to be.
13. Indiana "Solo Dancing"
The music stops/The spell is broken
The Robyn song that was supposed to save pop music in 2014. The swerve at the end from quiet electropop to club banger is one of the year's finest musical moments.
12. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart "Eurydice"
I'll never stop losing you
Despite its depressing subject matter, "Eurydice" is the best shopping mall, "let's try on every outfit in this store" movie montage song since Alphabeat's "Fascination."
11. Fifth Harmony "BO$$"
Michelle Obama/Purse so heavy, gettin' Oprah dollars
How easy would it have been to mention Beyoncé or Rihanna and be done with it? Too easy. The beautiful thing about "BO$$," above and beyond its inherent catchiness, is the fact that the Fifth Harmony ladies are celebrating African American women--Oprah and Michelle Obama--who got ahead on their smarts and aren't pop stars. Nice touch, ladies.
10. Ryn Weaver "OctaHate"
From the day I saw my heart start breaking/No one saved me
Charli XCX had a major year with two U.S. Top 10 hits (Iggy's "Fancy" and "Boom Clap") and another brilliant single "Break the Rules," but her co-writing credit on this song is her finest contribution to 2014's music scene. And let's not forget newcomer Ryn Weaver, whose interpretation of this song is nearly as nutty as Sia's "Chandelier" yet works in much the same way.
09. G.R.L. "Ugly Heart"
I wonder does it stop your heart to know/You're not my sunshine anymore
Go figure that even with the majority of G.R.L.'s output co-written by Max "God" Martin, this non-Martin tune is the one that showcased just how wonderful they truly are. I sincerely hope that after member Simone Battle's tragic passing back in September, G.R.L. is able to regroup and continue on because it would be a shame to lose a girl group with this much potential.
08. 5 Seconds of Summer "She Looks So Perfect"
I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart
The boys of 5SOS positioned themselves perfectly in the pop realm this year: loads of personality, a tad rebellious but harmless enough to get parental approval, room to mature in next few years, and clever songwriting that will serve them well whether they decide to toe the pop-punk line or become full-on punk in the future.
07. Ed Sheeran "Sing"
Then she handed me a water bottle filled with tequila/I already know she's a keeper
I never thought in a million years that I'd have an Ed Sheeran song in my year-end Top 10. I was wrong.
06. Broods "Mother & Father"
I don't want to be just fine
A simple, straight-forward song--it's barely three minutes long--about early adulthood that nails the confusion of the age, the dichotomy between wanting the comforts and security of home and not settling for less than your ideal life.
05. Rita Ora "I Will Never Let You Down"
You know how to love only when you're holding me
I never thought in a million years that I'd have a Rita Ora song in my year-end Top 10. I was wrong.
04. Katy B "Crying for No Reason"
I can lie to everyone but not to myself"
Who else was not expecting this emotional wallop from Katy B? Good Lord. This is what dancing through the tears is all about.
03. Sia "Chandelier"
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life/Won't look down, won't open my eyes
The first time I heard "Chandelier," I couldn't believe it. The bonkers vocal arrangement should push this dark song into drag queen camp, but Sia uses it to add even more emotional depth to an already rich song. Who else but the drunken, on-the-edge protagonist of "Chandelier" would teeter between shouting and running up and down scales to give a voice to her desperation?
02. Ella Henderson "Ghost"
I keep going to the river to pray
Based on the blandness of his own band's music, it's easy to forget that Ryan Tedder is often one of the premier songwriters in the business. "Ghost" is his best songs in years, maybe even since his magnum opus "Bleeding Love." From the opening line, the song casts a spell, alternating between larger than life gospel and haunted blues. And who better than newcomer Ella Henderson, positioned as the reincarnation of Dusty Springfield, to bring grit and soul to Tedder's words and music? Mark my words, by album two or three this woman will be unstoppable.
01. Sky Ferreira "I Blame Myself"
How could you know what it feels like to fight the hounds of hell
I first noticed Sky Ferreira and her song "One" all the way back in 2010. As she moved away from that electropop sound toward something a little more indie, I grew less interested. But then came this monster of a track from her first full-length album Night Time, My Time, and she won me back immediately. Technically, I'm cheating by including it on this year's list since it came out last year. But I didn't really get into it until the beginning of this year, and she released it as a single soon after, so I'm counting it. Besides, how could you expect me to ignore a song like "I Blame Myself," a song that's as raw and painful as anything Lana Del Rey does on a regular basis but wrapped up in an uptempo beat different than anything commercial Top 40 was producing this year. Sky clearly knows who she is; now we just need to get everyone else to discover it for themselves.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Imaginary Boyfriends of 2014
Past Imaginary Boyfriends countdowns: 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008
Finn Bálor (aka Fergal "Prince" Devitt)
Hideo Itami (aka Kenta)
Two of the WWE's newest wrestlers (er, superstars) to their developmental promotion, NXT, were actually two veteran indie wrestlers finally hitting the big time. Itami, formerly known as Kenta, is known for originating many of the moves that CM Punk and Daniel Bryan eventually made famous in the WWE. I'm more familiar with Bálor, or Prince Devitt when he wrestled in Japan, whom I fell in love with after hearing his adorable giggle and surprisingly soft voice on a podcast. They're currently working as a tag team, and it's fun watching them go crazy in the ring together. Not only are they talented with great bodies, but don't they look great in suits, too?
Spencer Bledsoe
On the first episode of the Cagayan season of Survivor, I decided that Spencer was "nerdy cute" and claimed him as my own. Over the course of the season, I grew to love him more and more as he fought, clawed and scratched his way to stay in the game every week. Normally underdogs annoy me, but Spencer literally had me jumping up and down every time he won immunity at a crucial moment in the game. Plus, he favorited my tweet once!
Victor Cruz
One of the best things about Fashion Police (RIP Joan) was that it introduced me to a lot of celebrities I would have never been exposed to otherwise. Football player Victor Cruz was one such celebrity and, boy, what a discovery that was. The dude is incredibly built, has a genuine interest in fashion and knows how to dress himself. Oh, and I guess he's good at playing football, too?
Julian Edelman
Another football player? I don't know what's going on either. What I do know is that I saw this gym selfie, and I was a goner.
Tristan Evans
With his gorgeous blonde hair and young age (he's 20), the drummer for The Vamps--a boy band of sorts from the UK desperately trying to make it here in the US--is practically my twink dream come true.
Jack Falahee
Easily the most interesting thing about How to Get Away With Murder that isn't Viola Davis. I came for the prettiness but stayed for his fascinating characterization.
Ronan Farrow
I started watching the news for him. Plus, there's something about a man who graduates Yale Law School at 22 and interviews notable people like Nobel Peace Prize recipient Malala Yousafzai but also tweets about the Sugababes and Pokémon on a regular basis.
Martin Garrix
Yes, I'm aware he's a DJ and that's worthy of an eye roll and a groan on its own. In the end, though, he's a total cutie and that's all that matters.
Calum Hood
Unlike The Vamps, 5 Seconds of Summer actually made an impact in the US this year, even if they haven't quite reached the same level as One Direction yet. I thought Calum was the cutest from the day my friend Guy mentioned seeing 5SOS open for One Direction back in 2013. So all you thirsty bitches who hopped on that train after his nudes leaked this summer can back off.
Nick Jonas
Nick was on my inaugural Imaginary Boyfriends list way back in 2008 when he was an underage hottie. Fast forward to 2014 and he's all grown up. Sweet Jesus has he grown up. Some complained about his shameless photo shoots designed solely to pander to straight women and (particularly) gay men. They were indeed shameless, but it's hard out here for music artists who aren't Taylor Swift or Adele. You've got to do it what it takes to move albums. So bless Nick for taking this route.
Randy Orton
Randy was incredibly good looking ten years ago, and, if anything, he's only gotten hotter in the past decade. His shaved head, tattoos, exquisitely trimmed beard with just the right hint of grey in it, misanthropic demeanor and general fluidity in the ring all do it for me every time I watch him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)