Top 10 Albums of 2011

But What About...: The most acclaimed album of the year, Adele's 21, was a major improvement over her debut and featured six or seven killer tracks. But, in all honesty, a good portion left me completely cold. Maybe 23 will be the album where it all comes together for me...Rihanna's Talk That Talk had the best opening three songs of any album released this year. The rest of the album: miserable, monotonous "jams" about how horny Rihanna is. We all know you can do better, Miss Fenty.

The Also-Rans: Kelendria Rowland finally released her long-delayed Here I Am, and it proved to be far better than I expected...Kelly Clarkson's Stronger has many high points, but 18 tracks is far too long for any album to sustain greatness. Cut about five songs and this would have been a far greater album...Alexis Jordan's Alexis Jordan was certainly a pleasant debut. Nothing groundbreaking, mind you, but she has charm and personality to spare...My most anticipated album of the year, Demi Lovato's Unbroken, also proved to be one of the strangest. Her bizarre attempts to become a generic pop star are embarrassing to say the least. Thankfully, though, the album's second half shines, with deeply felt ballads and exciting, emotional uptempo tracks. This is the Demi we want on album number four, thank you very much.

The Top 10 Albums of 2011

10. Cher Lloyd, Sticks + Stones

The X-Factor Princess (she doesn't want to be the Queen) wasn't as sanitized as I figured she would be on her debut album. It's not perfect, but it establishes the Cher Lloyd identity very well.

Three Moments:

- The post-chorus breakdown at the very end of "Swagger Jagger"

- The mix of rap and pop in "Playa Boi." Everything that's great about Cher in one song.

- "I'm the princess, I don't want to be the queen." The perfect summation of Cher's persona in "Grow Up"

09. Nicola Roberts, Cinderella's Eyes

Although not my favorite album of the year, I feel like this is one Girls Aloud solo album we will be looking back at fondly in years to come.

Three Moments:

- The final "Please don't/Break my porcelain hearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt" on "Porcelain Heart"

- The "Ding dong" intro to "Gladiator"

- The Diplo production on "Beat of My Drum". Audacious way to start an album and a campaign. Who is this woman?

08. Foster the People, Torches

The most welcome surprise of the year. Indie music done with a pop sensibility. It's not Britney, but it doesn't shy away from big choruses, either.

Three Moments:

- The quiet mysteriousness of "Pumped Up Kicks". I still couldn't tell you what this song is about.

- Whistling on "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)". More songs should have whistling.

- "And every daaaaay that you wanna waste." Surprisingly epic chorus in "Waste."

07. Frankmusik, Do It in the AM

Oh Vincent. Why didn't this album make you the household name you should be? Many accused him of selling out, but if "selling out" sounds as glorious as this album does, a lot more popstars should do it.

Three Moments:

- The chorus of "Running." That beat makes it feel like you are running, or at least like you should be.

- His blazing chemistry with Colette Carr on "No I.D." I've said it before and I'll say it again: one of the best genuine duets in ages.

- "We Collide." Now that's an album opener. What a defining statement of his new sound.

06. Natalia Kills, Perfectionist

Is she trying a bit hard to channel Gaga circa the Fame Monster era? Perhaps. But can you think of a better era to channel Gaga? Besides, Natalia still manages to build her own persona through her referencing.

Three Moments:

- The easy breeziness of the opening to "Kill My Boyfriend": "I'm rolling the dice, got the wind in my hair/I'm gonna kill my boyfriend." Killer (ha!) contrast.

- The sound of "Mirrors."

- "Wanna be like Midas/But my bank account is minus." The wordplay on "Free" is fun and clever as hell.

05. Same Difference, The Rest is History

Everyone's Favorite Loveable, Slightly Incestuous Brother & Sister Pop Act came roaring back with the follow-up to their ingenious debut Pop. Not only have they updated their image, but their sound is a good deal more mature. This duo obviously knows their shit when it comes to pop music.

Three Moments:

- "Karma Karma" is a three minute orgasm of pop perfection.

- The moodiness and vocal distortion on "Souled Out" is unlike anything Sean & Sarah have done before. No surprise, it works.

- For once, Sean gets the lead vocals on "Best Mistake" and absolutely nailed it. Snaps for you, sir.

04. One Direction, Up All Night

This is the album I wanted from these boys and more. I can't stop listening.

Three Moments:

- "If only you saw what I could see/You'd understand why I want you so desperately" from "What Makes You Beautiful." One of the most heartwarming lyrics I've heard in ages. Seriously.

- The heavy, RedOne-esque dance club feel of "Save You Tonight."

- "It's everything about you, you, you/The way you make it feel new, new, new" from "Everything About You."

03. Selena Gomez & The Scene, When the Sun Goes Down

The future of pop music matures her sound even further from her last album. When did the also-ran of Disney's princesses become the best?

Three Moments:

- "My Dilemma." It became the song people associate with me for a reason.

- The bridge in "Whiplash." The way she says, "Hello, darling" makes me love her even more than I already did.

- "And I keep hitting repeat-peat-peat-peat" from "Love You Like a Love Song."

02. Beyoncé, 4

Not going to lie, it took ages to get into this album, but 4 was ultimately worth the wait. Finally, Beyoncé stopped phoning it in with her albums. This is an incredible tribute to 90's-era R&B.

Three Moments:

- I could jam out to "Rather Die Young" all day long, singing hardcore into my remote control while imagining it was a microphone. "I'd rather die than live, and, OH!"

- The actual countdown in "Countdown."

- "Who needs a degree when you're schoolin' life?" Most people need a degree, actually, but Beyoncé doesn't when she's spitting out tracks as hot and fun as "Schoolin' Life."

01. Britney Spears, Femme Fatale

Producer Dr. Luke, after the release of this album, rightly declared that Britney is "her own genre" of music. If there was an album to prove that, Femme Fatale is it. Can you imagine anyone else singing these songs?

Three Moments:

- The hard verse/soft chorus contrast in "Hold It Against Me". This proved to be 2011's most imitated musical trend.

- "Sh-sh-shame on me/To need release" and the accompanying whistling in the background on "I Wanna Go"

- "I can be your treble/Baby, you can be the bass." No one has more fun than Britney with double entendres.

Best Music Videos of 2011

J. Lo "Papi"

A lot of people complained about the rampant, obvious product placement in her latest video. Ultimately, though, who cares when it probably paid for a video as fun and carefree as "Papi". The premise is simple yet, in a mere four minutes, plays out like the silly, classic J. Lo romcom we expect from her. And nothing else in 2011 reminded us why we loved J. Lo in the first place quite like the "Papi" video.

Rebecca Black "Friday"

The fact that "Friday" is not a good video in the typical sense is irrelevant. This was the video that had everybody talking in 2011. Who can forget where they were the day they first clicked on the link for this video? I know my life was never the same after witnessing Queen Rebecca decide which seat to take. The video is absolutely ridiculous, yes, but Rebecca injected enough class and charm into the proceedings to make all of the weaker links (the $40 budget, the terrible girl in the car next to Rebecca who can't dance and, oddly enough, looks like my cousin's fiancée) much less noticeable.

Rihanna "S&M"

Normally a non-starter in the music video area, Rihanna gave us two reasons to be hopeful in 2011 that she is finally beginning to understand how important music videos can be for her. The first of these was "S&M," which, with its candy-colored sets and deranged, over-the-top bondage costumes, became the first video of hers that portrayed her having "fun" without sticking her in some dark club with laser lights. This is RiRi at her naughty best.

Frankmusik & Colette Carr "No I.D."

Sure, the Grease homage is a tad overdone, but if you can find me two other popstars this past year who share as much chemistry as Vincent and Colette do in this video, my name isn't Dame James. Besides, did the year in music videos offer up any image nearly as delicious as Vincent, in leather jacket, sunglasses and with slicked-back hair, driving that race car at the end?

Hurts "Sunday"

The Hurts boys recreate the Orpheus myth with heaping helpings of melancholy, bright flashes of color amid a bleak color palette and a fashion sense straight from the pages of Vogue Italia.

Katy Perry "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)"

Unlike nearly any of Lady Gaga's videos this year, Katy Perry's massively stuffed "Last Friday Night" clip works despite its massive length for one reason: the video never feels at odds with the song. The two manage to cohabitate wonderfully, never once sacrificing the completeness of the song just to make the video longer.  Bonus points for including 2011's other Friday girl, Rebecca Black, as the Katy Perry character's fairy godmother of sorts.

Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

Not only did this video make me truly understand "Run the World" as a song, no other song this year managed to have a video that felt so at odds with the flow and rhythm of the song and still have it come out this wonderfully. Beyoncé's dancing is hypnotic, but the long takes and slow editing contrasting with that incessant Diplo beat takes it to a whole other level, making one of the neatest visual tricks of the year.

Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris "We Found Love"

My only complaint with Rihanna's "S&M" video was that there were too many cuts, not allowing us any time to fully see any of the extreme visuals (although, I suppose, there were reasons for that). With "We Found Love," there are, perhaps, just as many cuts, but it works for two reasons. One, it matches the insane, escalating, driving beat of the Calvin Harris production. But, more importantly, it manages to convey the essence of a whirlwind romance, how you are so in love and out of control that everything flashes by you and you have no idea what is going on but you don't care because you are so happy. It's an enviable feeling, which many people expressed on Twitter the day of this video's premiere. But they are missing the grand point of the whole video. Sure, everything was great in the beginning, but by the end of the video, Rihanna grows bored and realizes that all the happiness she once felt for him isn't worth the pain she's feeling at the moment. It's a pessimistic view, sure, but it's conveyed poignantly in this video, without a doubt the finest one she has ever made.

Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

The most fun Britney has had on a video ever. Spoofing not only herself (Crossroads 2: Cross Harder) and her image (sexed up vixen flirting with all the boys she passes on the street), but the press, who, 5+ years after her meltdown, still won't stop hounding her, this is the video "Piece of Me" should have been.

Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

With the music video rebounding in popularity thanks the ease of access on the internet, this leaves artists a lot of room to differentiate themselves and come up with creative ways to sell their product. Unfortunately, very few artists take this path, creating one forgettable video after another. Not content with doing that, Robyn crafted a clever and all-around fascinating video for the final single from her Body Talk trilogy. Armed with herself, a room, a lighting scheme, one shot and a dance routine, Robyn has created one of the finest music videos since Beyoncé's "Single Ladies". It's been more than half a year since the video came out and I still can't get enough of it.

Top 50 Songs of 2011, Part 2

Read part one here.

20. Britney Spears "Criminal"

Britney and ballads usually don't mix, or at least they haven't since "Every Time". But "Criminal" is perhaps the first ballad of Britney's career that caters to her vocal stylings instead of the other way around. Bonus points for that flute solo.

19. The Wanted "Lose My Mind"

"Lose My Mind," a melancholic, mid-tempo ballad a good deal more mature and emotive than you would expect from "just a boyband," was the first song from The Wanted that truly clicked with me (so of course it's the only single of theirs that didn't even land in the Top 20 in the UK).

18. Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull "On the Floor"

"It's a new generation," J. Lo sings over the intro to this RedOne-produced jam, alluding to the fact that a whole generation has come and gone since the last time she's been a popstar (I mean, I didn't even have my driver's license the last time she had a Top 10 hit). With its swift tempo changes, contrasts between hard dance and soft, breathy pop and an accordion melody, "On the Floor" proved that J. Lo still has what it takes to keep up with the Gagas and Rihannas of the pop world.

 

17. Taylor Swift "Back to December"

Taylor usually comes off as a whiny, mopey lesbian who spends far too much time thinking about her feelings and crying. However, "Back to December," allegedly about her "relationship" with Taylor Lautner, is her first ballad that comes off as a mature piece of work, rather than mediocre poetry from a 16-year-old. The line "You gave me roses/And I left them there to die" is filled with more melancholy and bitter regret than most songs can muster in three and a half minutes.

16. The Wanted "Lightning"

With "All Time Low" and "Glad You Came" before, and now "Lightning", it is readily apparent that when The Wanted and Ed Drewett get together, magic happens. Taking a cue from the unexpected contrast between hardness and softness in Britney's "Hold It Against Me," "Lightning" is The Wanted's most ingenious song to date and further proof that this group's success is not a fluke.

15. Nicki Minaj "Girls Fall Like Dominoes"

Nicki manages on "Girls Fall Like Dominoes," without the crutch of imagining herself as a boy (á la "Like a Boy," "If I Were a Boy" or "Do It Like a Dude"), to deliver a powerful, "if the boys can do it, why can't I?" message with her usual off-the-wall flow. She also manages the near impossible feat of name checking both the Kardashians and Kristin Cavallari without looking like she's trying too hard.

14. Nicola Roberts "Beat of My Drum"

Now this is how you launch a solo career after being a part of a mega successful girl group for nearly a decade. Instead of giving a fuck about how commercial this song is, Nicola hired a producer better known for urban and club music to create the sound she was looking for. Combined with the most infectious and catchy school yard chant since "Hollaback Girl," "Beat of My Drum" is the best (and most successful) experiment of the year.

13. Adele "Rolling in the Deep"

Although it became impossible to avoid on both sides of the Atlantic, "Rolling in the Deep" doesn't get any less amazing the 500th time you hear it. It's the kind of mind-blowing pop anthem that comes along only a couple times a decade and should be treasured as such.

12. Lady Gaga "The Edge of Glory"

The 99 cents I paid for Gaga's Born This Way album was just for this song. Whereas most of that album was an ugly, monotonous mess, "The Edge of Glory" is a reminder of how good Gaga can be when she's not trying so hard to be an artsy, edgy artiste. In many ways, this is a throwback to the sonic and emotional overload that was "Bad Romance".

11. Hurts "Sunday"

"Sunday" is an achingly sad song, disguised with as fast of a tempo as you're likely ever to get from the notoriously gloomy British duo. The contrast is jarring, but only makes the song that much more fascinating.

10. Rihanna "S&M"/Rihanna featuring Britney Spears "S&M (Remix)"

What a lot of people failed to understand about this song is that S&M is not about the whipping, the tying up and the gagging. It is more about control and trusting your partner. In other words, there's a world of difference between your popstar boyfriend beating the shit out of you in a car and leaving you for dead (for example) and having someone you love and trust tie you to a bed and whip you. "S&M" is Rihanna taking back control of her life from past demons. The fact that it's a candy-coated pop song summarizes what was so brilliant about the Loud era--the combination of the darkness of Rated R with the commerciality of Good Girl Gone Bad. The remix is admittedly frivolous, and the production is wonky at best, but it's so much damn fun I can't resist. I still feel pangs of excitement every time I hear Britney's inimitable voice growl, "Na na na, come on!"

09. Adele "Set Fire to the Rain"

"Set Fire to the Rain" is the bombastic, over-the-top, shout-it-at-the-top-of-your-lungs powerballad I always knew Adele had in her. I love "Rolling in the Deep," obviously, and "Someone Like You" is a beautiful song, but this song is more suited to my taste for massive, emotional pop ballads ("Set Fire to the Rain" is up there with Céline Dion's magnum opus "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"), songs as emotional therapy (but I guess the entirety of 21 would fall under this category) and even songs with the word "fire" in them (just as this is my favorite Adele song, "Fire Bomb" is my favorite Rihanna song). Adele's throaty, gritty vocals have never sounded better, especially when she's singing, "Well it burned while I cried/'Cause I heard it screaming out your name." While 21 wasn't my cup of tea overall, it is because of songs like "Set Fire to the Rain" that I sincerely believe Adele is one of the greatest talents of our time.

 

08. Beyoncé "Best Thing I Never Had"

Aside from a new baby, girlfriend had a tough 2011. After releasing nearly every damn track off her challenging (but still brilliant) 4 album, Beyoncé couldn't land a Top 10 hit if she changed her name to Katy Gaga. I guess no one was in the mood for mid-90's R&B throwbacks (and whatever the hell you would classify "Run the World" as), which is an utter shame when they are as brilliant as "Best Thing I Never Had". The song's theme is that of a typical "I'm so glad I'm over you" anthem, but it's written from a slightly different point of view, giving it even further depth beyond B's powerhouse vocals (Which are fun to belt along with into your remote control/pretend microphone at 1 am. Not that I've ever done that).

07. Nicole Scherzinger "Don't Hold Your Breath"

I've grown to hate Nicole "Cunt" Scherzinger after her stint as judge on X-Factor US, but, as I have said before, don't hate the song, hate the singer. "Don't Hold Your Breath" is still a magnificently potent pop song, intelligently written to be an empowering "moving on" anthem with just the slightest hint of mournful sorrow about the demise of the relationship. Of course, Scherzinger's personality-free vocals have very little to do with its success, but she does deserve some credit for realizing what a great song this is.

06. Sophie Ellis-Bextor "Off & On"

While many will (deservedly) think of "We Found Love" as the Calvin Harris jam of the year, I can't rank it above Harris' underappreciated effort with the one and only Sophie Ellis-Bextor. "Off & On" has been floating around for a few years, first as a Róisín Murphy track which didn't make her album, then as an unreleased SEB demo and finally in this finished album form, and is still just as brilliant today as it was then. The fact that both Murphy and Ellis-Bextor, two immensely talented divas with two completely different styles, both managed to use this song to suit their individual styles has me curious what covers of this song by other pop divas and their favorite producers would sound like. I mean, imagine "Off & On" by Britney and Bloodshy & Avant, Nelly Furtado and Timbaland, P!nk and Dr. Luke or Madonna and William Orbit. The results would be all over the place, but "Off & On" is such a flexible song, you can easily imagine all of them working.

05. One Direction "What Makes You Beautiful"

I rooted for One Direction during their X-Factor days because even then I somehow knew that they were going to make music that I was going to appreciate and love. But when "What Makes You Beautiful" came out, they completely blew my expectations away. The title makes it sound like a dreary, completely clichéd mid-tempo boyband track, so color me surprised when I discovered it was the most cheery, sunny, peppy pop song you could ever hope for. Lyrics such as "If only you saw what I could see/You'd understand why I want you so desperately" sound like complete hokum, but the One Direction boys deliver them with such immense joy and earnestness, you begin to believe it. In other words, my new dream in life is for a boy to sing this song to me to proclaim his love for me (the boy in this dream may or may not be Zayn Malik). "What Makes You Beautiful" is the kind of song that makes you wish for something as ridiculous like that and doesn't make you feel ashamed about it after the song has ended. If that's not the definition of a perfect pop song, I don't know what is.

04. Eric Saade "Popular"

Saade is very hit or miss, as evidenced by the success of this year's Saade Vol. 1 album and the utter shittiness of Vol. 2 just a few months later. When he hits, as he does with his Eurovision entry "Popular," there are few male popstars in the world who can match him. There's nothing especially noteworthy about either the lyrics or the message of "Popular," both of which are pretty standard fare as far as dance-pop tracks go. But there is something in Saade's delivery, particularly in the last minute of the song where things go absolutely off the rails and Saade is wailing and crying and singing his heart out, that elevates this song to classic status. Saade may not have won Eurovision with this song, but he certainly won a fan in me.

03. Rihanna "Man Down"

The fact that "Man Down," Rihanna's farewell to the Rated R era in both theme and tone, was ever released as a single completely surprised me (although I wasn't as surprised by its underperformance on the charts). I can see why this song wouldn't appeal to Rihanna fans who are fond of her lighter, dancier stuff, but it's because of songs like "Man Down," where she is willing to skirt commerciality in order to express a darker, less digestible idea, that I'm such a big fan of hers in the first place. Now that she has the success and the credibility to back her up, she is up for trying anything, even if that involves a pseudo-reggae styling and her most pronounced Bajan accent ever featured on one of her songs. But the real power of "Man Down" is around the three minute mark where Rihanna completely descends into reggae territory and starts slurring words in her own, special way. Not many commercial artists would be willing to push their sound that far outside the box, but Rihanna does it without breaking a sweat.

02. Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

At this point in her career, Britney has nothing left to prove. The woman has defied expectations for years and managed to stay relevant long after many of her early counterparts have bitten the dust (yes, Floptina, I'm talking about you!). So, what else is there left for her to do but assert herself as the Queen of Pop and remind us once again why we go to her for edgy, top-notch dance songs. "I Wanna Go," with it's talk of masturbation and showing us all the dirt Britney's got running through her mind, is nothing we haven't heard before from her. But is there anyone else on the planet who can sing about such things with such complete cheeriness and without making it the filthiest fucking song you've ever heard? I talk a lot about "summer jams" and how most of the ones made today are processed to sound like immediate iTunes must haves. But "I Wanna Go" is the perfect example of how a song not immediately destined for the easiness of a lazy day on the beach can completely encapsulate that feeling. The song is reckless abandon and utter freedom with a dash of naughtiness to spice things up. And without "I Wanna Go," 2011 would have been a whole lot less fun.

01. Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

Ignorance may be bliss, but in the case of "Super Bass," ignorance nearly cost me my number one song of the year. It wasn't until this video's premiere in April that I even knew this song, or any of the other Pink Friday bonus tracks, existed. As soon as I heard the song, I liked it enough to download it. Then I kept listening to it and I thought to myself, "Hey, I can learn that rap!". So I spent nearly a month singing along with the lyrics, hoping that one day it would sink in. And then it did, but I still couldn't get enough of this song. Now at 98 plays on my iTunes--the only song that ranks higher is Girls Aloud's "Biology"--I can safely assume that I will never be tired of "Super Bass". Usually, I'm not a big fan of when Nicki does raps outside of her Roman ego, but "Super Bass" is the very notable exception to this rule, as she doesn't need that flamboyant, in-your-face arrogance to make this song work. "Super Bass" is a pop song through and through, with the only difference being, obviously, that Nicki raps her verses. Everything about "Super Bass" is a pure joy to listen to; I know I certainly perk up whenever I hear the opening notes come on my iTunes. Sure, it's not the deepest, most intricate rap Nicki has ever done, but how can you argue with the authoritative way she boasts, "Somebody please tell 'em who the eff I is" or her annunciation on, "You're slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh!"? Nicki sells this song like the star that she is, making this the year we found a popstar in a hopeless place.

Top 50 Songs of 2011, Part 1

The time has come! The end of the year is approaching so that means the end of the year lists must start. And what better way to kick all that off than with the first installment of my favorite songs of the year? As always, I had a difficult time narrowing my list down and placing them in the proper order, but after moving songs back and forth around the list, I threw in the towel and stopped fiddling with the order. I decided to split this list in two this year because I wanted to write at least a little something about each of the songs and I didn't want the post to become dauntingly enormous. So please do enjoy this list and let me know what you think about my inclusions. And stayed tuned for the Top 20 coming soon!

Honorable Mentions: Demi Lovato "Skyscraper" | Natalia Kills "Free" | One Direction "Gotta Be You" | CocknBullKid "Hold On to Your Misery" | Will Young "Jealousy" | Britney Spears "Hold It Against Me" | Alexandra Stan "Get Back (ASAP)" | Eric Saade featuring J-Son "Hearts in the Air" | Selena Gomez & The Scene "Love You Like a Love Song" | Alexis Jordan "Hush Hush"

50-41

50. Simon Curtis "Superhero"

The moment I first saw Simon Curtis as a legitimate pop star.

49. Leona Lewis & Avicii "Collide"

Not quite the "Outta My Head" dance jam I was expecting, but it's nice to see Leona push herself out of her power ballad comfort zone.

48. Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer "Give Me Everything"

Commercial as hell? Yes. But that chorus saves the day. You actually forget Pitbull is on this song!

47. Alesha Dixon featuring Jay Sean "Every Little Part of Me"

Alesha's career is deader than Floptina's at the moment, which is a shame when she's still releasing songs as fresh as this one.

46. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

My feelings on this song went from "What a piece of shit!" to "Ooooh, the video's interesting. Maybe this song isn't so bad after all" to "Who run the world? Beyoncé."

45. Bingo Players "Cry (Just a Little)"

This song is as barebones as dancehall songs get: a pounding beat and a couple of lyrics from the 80's song "Piano in the Dark" repeated over and over. But its simplicity is what makes it one of the most irresistibly catchy songs of the year.

44. CocknBullKid "Asthma Attack"

The new critical darling of the indie pop world, CocknBullKid burst on the scene the first half of the year. "Hold On to Your Misery" caught my attention first, but "Asthma Attack" is the song that I keep going back to.

43. The Sound of Arrows "Nova"

This sort of synth pop isn't always my thing. But when I think it works, it really works for me. "Nova" is absolutely gorgeous, as close to a hymn as pop music gets.

42. Alexis Jordan "Good Girl"

The moment Alexis Jordan truly arrived. Who knew she would be one of the freshest popstars of the year?

41. David Guetta featuring Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj "Where Them Girls At"

Even with Guetta and Flo Rida at their generic worst, Nicki Minaj classes up the joint with one of her most wicked verses ever. She's so good spitting out lyrics like, "No, no, I don't endorse that/Pause that, abort that!" she elevates the material surrounding her.

40-31

40. Wynter Gordon "Buy My Love"

Last year's "Believer" proved that Wynter had promise. And she makes good on that promise with this ode to becoming a kept woman.

39. Rebecca Black "Friday"

Somewhere in the past nine months this song went from a hilarious joke to heralding the arrival of the next big teen pop star. Whether you think it's a classic or a sign of the apocalypse, Rebecca carries this song with her infectious personality and the ability to sing the silliest lyrics alive ("Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes afterward") with a straight face.

38. Taio Cruz featuring Kylie Minogue "Higher"

This track is all about Kylie. She elevates this flaccid Taio solo into a sexy, sultry duet.

37. Frankmusik "The Fear Inside"

Vincent first attempt at a more commercial sound. It didn't exactly set the charts ablaze but it did solidify him in my mind as one of the few legitimately great male pop stars we have today.

36. Frankmusik & Colette Carr "No I.D."

In this age of guest rappers and female popstars belting choruses on rap songs, "No I.D." is one of the few legitimate duets around. Vincent & Colette's chemistry is blazing, turning this simple pop track into a repeat worthy jam.

35. Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

She still makes the best Dancing Through the Tears pop songs. And the video is to die for!

34. Joe McElderry "Someone Wake Me Up"

La Joe finally found success as Classic Joe this year. An unfortunate situation, it would appear, as this means that Popstar Joe is more or less on permanent hiatus. How sad. Who in the fuck actually prefers him doing opera shit over stuff like "Someone Wake Me Up"?

33. Agnes "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"

Agnes, of the Carlsson variety, thankfully returned to the music world with this in-your-face jam. That opening riff is legendary in its own right.

32. Rhianna featuring Calvin Harris "We Found Love"

I originally fell in love with this song because it showed off Rihanna in a subtly different light, pushing herself away from the hard edge of the Rated R era and the Back to Commercial-ness of the Loud era to something far more DJ/rave friendly. But I stayed interested in this song was because hidden under the insane Harris production, there's a tender, almost mournful love story about falling out of love.

31. Florence + The Machine "Shake It Out"

Florence is an artist I tend to admire more than I actually like, but there's something honest and ever-so-gripping about this power ballad.

30-21

30. Alexandra Stan "Mr. Saxobeat"

It's exactly the type of Eurotrash pop song most people who know nothing about European pop music assume all European pop music is...yet I can't help but be infatuated with "Saxobeat" for the very same reasons it's hated.

29. Katy Perry "E.T."

Outside of the album track "Circle the Drain," this is by far Katy Perry's most adult track. And the fact that she picked it as a single at all over the pandering "Peacock" is further proof of her maturity as both an artist and an icon.

28. Dev "In the Dark"

Dev's limited vocal range works far better in this sexy track than in "Bass Down Low" or in any of her umpteen featuring credits during the year.

27. Foster the People "Pumped Up Kicks"

Have we come across a unicorn with Foster the People: an act both the indie kids and the pop lovers can agree on? I couldn't begin to tell you what this song is about, and it's low key nature would normally annoy the hell out of me, but, like most of what Foster the People does, it just works. Sometimes you just can't explain it.

26. Take That "Love Love"

Who knew that in 2011 not only would I care about Take That post-"Back For Good" but I would also actually really love one of their new songs? The world is tricky like that sometimes.

25. Jessie J "Do It Like a Dude"

Forget about the annoying, wailing twat she has become. For a brief second, Jessie J looked the toughest pop star to come along in ages with this hard-as-nails anthem.

24. Ola "All Over the World"

This Swedish import was released in Ola's homeland back in 2010 but made it's way to the UK this year. It's three and a half minutes of pure, unadulterated joy, aka everything a pop song of this nature should be.

23. Britney Spears "Till The World Ends"

If the upcoming apocalypse in December 2012 is anywhere near as amazing as this song, the world will be ending on a high note.

22. Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"

One of those tragic, old fashioned ballads that come along every few years and knocks the socks off everyone. Perri's version will no doubt become the standard, but "Jar of Hearts" is so brilliantly written nearly anyone can sing it and sound like they are a legend.

21. The Wanted "Glad You Came"

Every bit as poised as "California Gurls" to be an Easy Summertime Anthem but with a wicked, deviant sense of humor and clever wordplay (thanks in part to co-writer Ed Drewett).

The Legendary Miss Britney Spears Gets a VMA Tribute...LOL J/K MTV Doesn't Give a Shit About Her

The MTV Video Music Awards are usually a hit-or-miss affair. It's what gives them a cracked up charm which compels me to watch year after year, even when better judgment tells me otherwise. Last year's ceremony, and maybe this was the alcohol clouding my judgment, was actually quite good, so I was feeling optimistic. If you followed my Live Tweeting last night, it goes without saying that feeling went out the window 90 seconds in the broadcast. The whole ceremony was a shitfest, but nothing enraged me more than one particular moment of the broadcast: the so-called "Tribute" to Britney.

Britney looking absolutely flawless. The healthiest and happiest and prettiest she has looked in ages.

For a couple weeks now, MTV has been hinting in their promos for this year's Video Music Awards at some sort of tribute to Britney Spears. I am not shy about professing my love for Britney, so I was super excited that MTV would be honoring her. This is an artist who defined MTV in its final days as a music giant. She was a vital member of the TRL Generation, which made new music videos an event, a shared experience between fans everywhere. And the videos! A mere list of them would make any mere mortal quiver in excitement: "...Baby One More Time", "(You Drive Me) Crazy)", "Oops!...I Did It Again", "Toxic", "Stronger", "Everytime", "Womanizer", "Sometimes", "I Wanna Go", "I'm a Slave 4 U'. Say what you want about Britney as a musician, as a performer, or even as a person, she was, and still is, a major influence on 21st century pop culture.

So this Video Vanguard award/tribute should have been a slam dunk, right? I knew things were going awry the moment Lady Gaga stepped on stage to introduce the award. Earlier in the night, she opened the show and entertained bored the audience silly with a rambling, pretentious, unfunny monologue dressed as her drag king alter ego (who looks like a horrifying Danny Zuko). It was almost as painful to watch as Britney's infamous performance at the VMAs four years ago. I don't want to go in depth about how this performance practically killed any remaining love I had for this woman like a radiation therapy treatment for cancer, but, trust me, the performance was bad. Anyways, Gaga comes out for what is supposed to be Britney's big moment still dressed up like her alter ego. Leave it to an attention whore like Lady Gaga to stink up what should be a tender tribute to someone she/he/what-the-fuck-ever claims as a big influence on her career with some dumb schtick that only her hardcore fans were clearly enjoying. And leave it to MTV to suck Lady Gaga's dick once again by allowing her to do this in the first place so as not to alienate her and her "monsters." She can claim the contrary all she wants, but is there any popstar on the planet who shamelessly latches on to those she counts as her "influences" and then treats them with such little respect? Don't forget this is the same woman who mourned on Twitter that she felt guilty for not saving her "friend" Amy Winehouse after her tragic overdose. Really, Gaga? It's one thing to express sympathy and grief for such a tragedy but its a completely different thing to act like you really cared that much about someone you probably met only a couple times. But that is Gaga's nature; like a parasite, she latches on to other celebrities and sucks them for all their worth.

Gaga finally shuts up and we are then treated to a megamix of Britney's songs with choreography by a gaggle of young female dancers. It's cute and fun and Britney was clearly enjoying it, but we all know it's merely the warm-up to something legendary...right? Except it wasn't. That's right, as soon as it was over, Gaga called Britney on stage and she accepted her award (and there was that bit where Gaga wanted Brit to recreate her iconic kiss with Madonna at the 2003 VMAs and Brit was having none of that but that was completely awkward). As Britney spoke, however, Gaga, instead of stepping back and letting Britney have her moment, stood right next to her and made a host of dumb faces, effectively upstaging one of her so-called idols. Real classy, Gaga. But I guess it didn't really matter in the long run since Britney wasn't even making an acceptance speech. Instead, they had her reading from the teleprompter, introducing the next performer, Beyoncé. Yes, on what was supposed to be her night, Britney had to take a back seat to both Gaga and Beyoncé. What a fucking disgrace. This is a woman who has been in the business for 12 years, smashed countless sales records, came back from a public meltdown stronger than ever, regularly sells out world tours and has made some of the most treasured music videos of all time and this is how MTV treats her, making her play second fiddle to two other popstars. I was so pissed I couldn't even enjoy Beyoncé's performance.

Listen, I realize that the VMAs are under time restrictions and a proper tribute would probably take 20 minutes, at least. But that was just a slap in the face to someone MTV claims to hold in high esteem. Since Britney is probably the sweetest, most genuine popstar in the planet, of course she was thrilled by the moment. To hardcore fans like myself, however, the whole disgusting "tribute" to her was nothing but a sick joke. The Amy Winehouse tribute at the end of the show was nicely done and a respectful testament to the woman's talent. But you shouldn't have to die tragically to receive a proper tribute, especially when you're an artist like Britney who has contributed far more to MTV than Amy ever did.

The Two Best Music Videos of the Year

Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)" # # # # #

Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend" # # # # #

Robyn and Beyoncé are two of the biggest divas in pop music today, yet they couldn't be more different. Robyn is the undisputed Queen of Indie Pop: relatively unknown to the general (American) public, a god among mere mortals to those who worship her work. Beyoncé, on the other hand, is a motherfucking legend, an international icon, a legitimate star whether she's peddling shit like "If I Were a Boy" or classics like "Crazy in Love." Beyoncé is all high-wattage STAR with the massive persona to match; Robyn is more low key in her approach but never comes across as any less of a star. The two are from completely different worlds, but their recent videos prove that they are of similar minds when it comes to knowing the importance of how to sell a music video.

Beyoncé has the tougher task at hand, selling a completely bananas song with an odd sample and, at times, the most insipid "inspirational" lyrics this side of "Born This Way". The song completely flopped on the charts before the video's release, so it was up to the video to recharge this stagnating campaign. And not only did the video reignite my interest in the song, it (along with a fabulously fierce performance at the Billboard Music Awards) made me appreciate and--dare I say--enjoy the song in a way I never had.

So what is it about the "Run the World (Girls)" video that makes it so special? I'd say it is a combination of off-the-wall visuals, Beyoncé's hypnotizing dance moves and a wholly unexpected editing scheme. Beyoncé has never been known for being a particularly subtle artist (not an insult, just an observation), so it should come as no surprise that the visuals in "Run the World (Girls)" are completely over the top. Whether she's riding an enormous stallion, giving the audience the middle finger, holding on the leashes of two drooling hyenas or overstuffing the frame with background dancers to the point it feels like a later Miélès short, the video is a sumptuous visual treat. The images are out there, but they never once feel gratuitous.

The dancing in "Run the World (Girls)" is flawless, not surprising since it's from the same woman who made the "Single Ladies" dance a worldwide phenomenon. What makes it stand out, however, is the video's editing. For a song with "Run the World (Girls)"'s tempo and insane beat, you would expect the editing to be hyperactive in order to keep up with the breakneck pace of the song. Instead, "Run the World (Girls)" has longer takes to show off and immortalize Beyoncé's incredible dancing. The long takes combined with the rapid beat and dancing gives the video a hypnotic, almost eerily out-of-time feeling that proves once and for all that Beyoncé runs the world.

Robyn is not a dancer in the same vein of Beyoncé. Whereas Beyoncé is a technical dancer with mad skill, Robyn dances not with technique but with heart, which she shows off to dizzying effect in her "Call Your Girlfriend" video. A good thing since Robyn is literally the entire video. There is Robyn, one set, one camera, one take and one dance. Seriously. The fact that she is able to pull this video off is a true testament to her stature as one of the best popstars on the planet.

I'm a sucker for one-woman dances, whether it's Britney on the chair or Janet moving around that warehouse. Usually I'm not one for "instant classic" praise--in all honesty, I rather despise it--but as soon as I finished "Call Your Girlfriend" the first time, I was instantly comparing it favorably to the aforementioned videos. Robyn is a master of "dancing through the heartbreak" songs, so it was nice to finally see a dance accompanying the heartbreak. From the moment the dance begins with that hard-as-nails strut roughly 30 seconds in until the final moments, Robyn is unrelenting. She doesn't quit and the camera captures everything in all its glorious detail.

Doing the entire video in one take is perhaps the only way "Call Your Girlfriend" could have been done. The pain the song is talking about is cyclical, never ending and crushing the very life of the girlfriend who needs to be called. Editing any of Robyn's interpretive dance would do a disservice to the very message the song is conveying. Robyn needs to be let out of her cage and express every emotion that needs to be expressed. The lighting in "Call Your Girlfriend," which changes between various themes throughout the video's runtime, also aids Robyn in expressing the real meaning of the song. Not only do they add a melodramatic flair to the proceedings, but it also creates an almost outer space canvas for Robyn to paint her portrait of heartbreak as large as she wants. There's no denying a lot of craft went into making "Call Your Girlfriend" but there is no way any of it would have worked out without Robyn's presence, talents and pure charisma leading the way. Snaps to her for having the balls to pull this off.

2010 VMA Predictions

Trying to predict the VMA results is often fruitless because there is often no rhyme or reason why any particular video wins over another. Yet, here I am, valiantly going forward with this exercise. Oh well, at least we can all laugh at these tomorrow.

Video of the Year
Will Win: Lady GaGa & Beyoncé 'Telephone'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

I mentioned this when I did my write-up of this year's nominees, but it bares repeating. Lady GaGa is going to win; there's very little doubt about that. She's as much of a lock as 'Single Ladies' was last year. While 'Bad Romance' is technically the better of her two nominated videos, I don't think voters will be able to resist the massive pull of the 'Telephone' video. GaGa + B + Tarantino-inspired dialogue + high concept + massive runtime + massive hype = a video which can't be ignored.

Male Video of the Year
Will Win: Usher featuring will.i.am 'OMG'
Should Win: Drake 'Find Your Love'

Trying to find a decent video amid this lackluster bunch is quite difficult. If Eminem wins here, he'll win Video of the Year since history has shown that his wins are correlated as such. I don't think Em will win the top award, so I'm down to B.o.B. and Usher. Both songs were massive hits, but this category has been considerably kinder to non-Video of the Year nominees, so I think Usher will pull ahead with the win. Drake not only has the best song of the bunch (slightly bested by 'In My Head') but his video is the only one that stirs me in any way besides revulsion.

Female Video of the Year
Will Win: Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg 'California Gurls'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

I think this is down to Taylor Swift (in an attempt to make up for Kanyegate last year) and Katy Perry, who has somehow snagged herself three noms in a row in this category. She's already tied for 5th with a host of other legends (including Annie Lennox!) for the most noms in this category ever. 'California Gurls' was a massive hit, Katy Perry has never been hotter and she's technically "due." Bold choice, perhaps, but I think she'll nab it from Taylor.

Best New Artist
Will Win: Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris 'Baby'
Should Win: Nicki Minaj featuring Sean Garrett 'Massive Attack'

The Beebs has this one wrapped up, especially given the fact that people at home are the ones voting for the winners. And, you know what, I think he honestly deserves it. Who knows if he'll stick around in the future, but he's made a hell of an impression this past year and he's legitimately talented. If he wins, I won't be upset. However, I think the best in this category is Nicki Minaj, whose video manages to represent her as the out-of-this-world creature that she is.

Best Pop Video
Will Win: Ke$ha 'TiK ToK'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

GaGa could surprise here, but I think Ke$ha and her ode to getting fucked up will take the prize.

Best Rock Video
Will Win: Paramore 'Ignorance'
Should Win: ?

Haven't had a chance to look through all the videos yet as I'm very weak when it comes to this genre. I think Paramore is still popular with the kids so I'm gonna go with them. No fucking clue though.

Best Hip-Hop Video
Will Win: Eminem 'Not Afraid'
Should Win: ?

Also pretty weak with this category so I'll update later. Eminem usually wins one just for appearing at this damn awards show so I expect him to pick this award up easily.

Best Dance Video
Will Win: Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull 'I Like It'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

This comes down to a process of elimination. Cascada and David Guetta aren't too unfamiliar to win. GaGa might win, but I don't know if she's "dance" enough. Usher has a chance but I think Enrique, especially with the help of the Jersey Shore kids, will take this in the end.

Best Collaboration
Will Win: B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams 'Airplanes'
Should Win: Beyoncé and Lady GaGa 'Video Phone (Extended Version)'

B.o.B. has to win somewhere, right? It pains me to type that but it's true. My pick is between Jay-Z & Alicia, who have the better song, and B & GaGa, who have the...I won't say better, but more interesting, videos. I went with 'Video Phone' because that video is nuts and I can still recall it vividly months after last watching it.

VMA Video of the Year Rundown: 2010

It's that time of the year again! As I did in 2008 and 2009, the moment has arrived to discuss this year's nominees for Video of the Year at the Video Music Awards. But, before we begin, I have to make an announcement. For a couple years now, I've been trying to make this a regular series, investigating all of the nominees for Video of the Year in each year. I got a couple done before hitting a rough spot and never actually completing the series. I vowed last year to get the series started but, again, nothing. I've now come to the realization that it will never be finished and it's time to move on to a new project: Best Female Video. The reason I could never finish another entry is because the nominated videos often sucked all inspiration out of me. How could I spend 300 words writing about a video that was neither horrible or amazing? And what about in years where all five nominees are like that? Zzzzzzzz. But when I started looking around at the Best Female Video category, I realized that there was no way I could ever get bored by the nominees. I mean, look at them! Who wants to discuss videos from Queensryche, USA for Africa, U2 or Steve Winwood when I can be discussing Madonna, Janet, Cher, Beyoncé, Paula, Kate and Annie? I will continue this annual tradition in the coming years, but I won't be looking back at any past Video of the Year lineups. Sorry to the two people who may actually remember me doing this, but I guarantee the Best Female Video series will be even better.

Overall: 2009 was all about the star factor with five of the biggest names in music competing for the big prize. This year, we see two repeats but, overall, the nominees are a return to the early days of the category when the biggest stars weren't necessarily getting the big nomination. Lady GaGa, with two of the most talked about music videos in ages, and Eminem, the VMA's prodigal son, both got in rather expectedly, but the surprise nominees came at the hands of a British act just getting started in America and (former?) actor Jared Leto's rock band. Sometimes digging up unexpected videos can be good for the category but this year quite the opposite happened. When 'Telephone,' a video I've complained about all year for being a short film in music video clothing, is still the second best in the category, you know there's a problem. Florence and Mars are trying hard to be different and metaphorical, respectively--about what, I have no fucking clue--yet nothing comes through. Eminem once again gets in with another lazy, retread of his past videos and the less said about the B.o.B. video the better. Thank goodness for GaGa then, who manages to save this lineup from obscurity with 'Romance,' the video they'll remember her for in the coming years. With so many uninspiring nominees, you have to wonder how Rhianna's 'Rude Boy,' easily the most talked about non-GaGa music video, not only missed out here but in nearly every damn category minus a technical one. And, although I think the video's not very good, the Black Eyed Peas' massive 'Imma Be Rocking that Body' was completely shafted in every category, a surprise given how many of the nominated videos this year (Bad Romance, Telephone, Kings and Queens, Video Phone) have massive runtimes. And, if we lived in a perfect world, the year's double nominee would be Danish pop group Alphabeat and not GaGa. 'DJ (I Could Be Dancing)' and 'Hole in My Heart' both took obvious 90's inspirations and twisted them for this decade.

The best:
Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance' # # # # #
Just before GaGa became the queen of the entire world and everything she did was deemed other worldly, she came out with her clip for 'Bad Romance' and proved that she was more than just a passing phase. 'Poker Face' showed promise, even if it wasn't a very good video, and 'Paparazzi' reintroduced the epic music video, but 'Bad Romance' capitalized on her newly minted success and trumped every expectation people had of her. Five minutes may seem like a long time for a music video, but when you have as much going on as GaGa does here, it goes by far too quickly. But that's what is special about 'Bad Romance': she manages to tell a complete story visually without once stopping the music for a dialogue interlude. The opening birth scene where GaGa and her dancers emerge from the metaphorical womb, clawing and scratching their way out in spandex catsuits is astounding to look at. It's the perfect way to visualize the GaGa character's emergence into this world of prostitution and to let the audience know what to expect from the rest of the video. And never does 'Bad Romance' ever feel like anything but a Lady GaGa video; there's no homage to Madonna or Tarantino and you can hardly imagine Britney, Rihanna or Beyoncé doing this video with the same amount of impact. 'Bad Romance' is a textbook example of using the music video to move a pop persona forward and the fact that she does this with a fair amount of depth and beauty is all the more satisfying.

The rest, in order:
Lady GaGa featuring Beyoncé 'Telephone' # # # # #
And now we come to certainly the biggest video of the year, in terms of impact, hype, feeling and overall length. The premiere was an event in itself, the first time I remember that happening since the good ole days of TRL when the Backstreet Boys would stop by to premiere their latest shitty video. I liked the video at first, and still am generally a fan of it, but the flaws are even more glaringly obvious than they were six months ago. My biggest complaint about 'Telephone' is that it never quite feels like a music video. Sure, it's a video with music in it, but the song eventually comes second to all of the insanity going on around it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: 'Telephone' works as a short film, but as a music video, it's an epic fail. Music videos should promote the song, but can you honestly say you remember the song amid the numerous wardrobe choices, the prison yard make out session, B's Honey Bun and the "Let's Make a Sandwich" bit? What I do love about the video, though, is the way GaGa and B synthesize their own larger than life, batshit crazy personas with their homage to all things Tarantino. The video is complete and utter insanity, but when it works, it really works at highlighting what we love best about GaGa and B. 'Telephone' is hardly perfect yet something about it's madness is worth celebrating.

Florence + the Machine 'Dog Days Are Over' # # # # #
I will say this for Florence + the Machine: she certainly knows how to make a vivid impression. When you see her onscreen, red hair a-blazin' with that kabuki-inspired makeup over her eyes, you immediately marvel over this fascinating creature and really want to get to know her better. The 'Dog Days Are Over' video is certainly the very definition of "weird," but it often feels weird for weird sake rather than weird for a purpose. The only way I can describe what I mean is to use another example, last year's nominee 'Love Lockdown' by Kanye West. The bulk of the video comprises of these natives flinging arrows and tribal dancing to the song. What saves it from 'Dog Days Are Over' territory, however, is the fact that the opening and closing moments show Kanye West obviously in some kind of emotional distress, so it can be inferred that these natives are representative of him going insane. I'm not suggesting that 'Dog Days Are Over' needs a gimmick like 'Love Lockdown,' but, rather, any idea of when to pull back the "weirdness" and figure out what they are trying to say. The video doesn't need to make a groundbreaking point, it just needs to say something besides "Oh look at these blue people dancing!"

30 Seconds to Mars 'Kings and Queens' # # # # #
Maybe I'm completely missing the point, but what exactly is supposed to be happening in this video? I see minute after minute of footage of a group of young adults riding bikes through a deserted town, someone getting hit by a car, a horse stampeding down the street, the kid getting back up unharmed and everyone resuming biking. What? I give 30 Seconds to Mars for attempting to say something, anything with this video and for giving it the full-length treatment without sacrificing the song. Yet, I'm not exactly sure what they're trying to say is worth saying. Then again, I could only be sure of that if I was aware of their intentions.

Eminem 'Not Afraid' # # # # #
It seems almost futile to bitch about yet another Eminem video making its way onto the Video of the Year shortlist, yet I feel like something needs to be said in order for this madness to end. 'Not Afraid' is not anywhere near as embarrassing as his nomination for 'We Made You' last year, that's for sure. Still, there's not exactly anything worth celebrating in this video, certainly nothing worthy of Video of the Year status. I think people are starting to mistake Eminem as an artist who reveals pieces of himself in his music videos. He does do this in his music, don't get me wrong, but outside of 'Stan,' do any of his videos which are supposedly about him truly capture anything worth knowing about him? 'Not Afraid' certainly doesn't, as standing in a dank basement and throwing a chair angrily against a wall is the sort of the thing you'd expect from an Eminem video. The scenes with the mirrors and Eminem buzzing through the air like Superman might be an attempt at revelation, and I suppose that's what got people thinking 'Not Afraid' was about something, but it's handled so clumsily and nothing about it is truly original, interesting or even worth thinking about. Eminem, you're officially past your sell by date; wake me up when you're relevant again.

B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams 'Airplanes' # # # # #
OH GOD, MAKE THIS END, MAKE THIS END! Not only is the song one of the most horrible, cliché-ridden pieces of shit I've ever heard, the video is, also, lazy, uninspired and almost ugly to look at. First of all, can someone tell Hayley Williams that despite what other countless music videos have taught her, closing your eyes and rocking your head gently while singing "deep" lyrics the ones in that godawful chorus does not make you look emotive in any way? Secondly, putting an artist in dark room while strobe and neon lights dance around them in odd rhythms does not an interesting video make. I know this nomination is more for the inexplicable popularity of this song rather than the video itself, but did we honestly need to expand to six nominees to make room for it? This is not a video we're going to be remembering for many years to come. Hell, I'll be surprised if anyone remembers this by the end of the year.