Why Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure is a Terrible, Terrible Idea

I've avoided talking about this project for months now in the hopes that it was all some sick joke gone horribly wrong. But, since the film has actually started shooting, I now know that this is a sad, sad reality. The film I'm talking about is, of course, Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure, a Disney Channel sequel to the ever popular HSM Trilogy featuring our very own La Tisdale reprising her role of sparkly diva Sharpay Evans. So why am I denying this film like I'm a certain Iranian president and Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure is the Holocaust? Well, here are a few reasons

• Completely Unnecessary When HSM3 ended with that should-be infamous final jump in the air and emotional curtain call, it was the perfect send-off for both the fans and the cast. The curtain closed on their high school lives, and everything that took place in East High was left to the past. There's absolutely no reason to make another movie with these characters. They are creatures of their high school environment, and I want to envision them in their prime when the whole world was their oyster. Encountering them after high school would be like seeing Ferris Bueller, the Breakfast Club or Cher Horowitz post-high school. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the fabulous adventures of Miss Evans outside of East High. Nothing will ever top her divalicious exploits trying to steal the spotlight back from Troy and Gabriella, so why bother? Her chemistry with Grabeel and Efron was absolutely perfect (seriously, while listening to 'I Want It All' earlier today, I marveled at just how in sync La Tisdale and Grabeel were and how much they truly "got" each other). Will she ever be able to get that with Austin Butler? Doubt it.
  
• The State of the DCOM The HSM movies are not well-made movies. They have plot holes five miles long and the production values were often nothing more then a second thought. But there's an undeniable charm running through these films that makes up for any inconsistencies and lapses in taste. Camp Rock was so bad in every conceivable way it was impossible to look away. I was embarrassed the whole time I had willingly subjected myself to that film, yet I actually felt something during that one. Wish I could say the same about the last three Disney Channel Original Movies I have seen. Princess Protection Program, Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie and StarStruck all wasted talented youngsters in films that were the dreaded Double D: dull and dumb. I fear that Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure will fall in with these latter films. And who wants to watch La Tisdale dumbed down by awful material?
  
• La Tisdale Needs to Move On Efron has gone onto Hairspray, 17 Again and, this summer, Charlie St. Cloud. Grabeel had a nice bit part in Van Sant's Milk. Even Vanessa Hudgens has gotten work in a Zack Snyder movie. So why is La Tisdale still slumming it in DCOMs and awful-sound TV shows like her upcoming Hellcats, which happens to be about a high school cheerleading squad? She clearly has the talent to move out of the Disney ghetto. She even has a naughty persona just waiting to emerge with the right material. La Tisdale isn't getting any younger (she's nearly 25) and, like it or not, goodwill from HSM won't last forever. She needs to prove her worth and take a risk in the real world, not once again use the same tricks to show us why she's one of the best things Disney has ever created. With Miley and Demi so desperately trying to break free from Disney's constraints, it makes you wonder why La Tisdale so desperately wants to remain under them.
  

Will I watch Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure when it premieres? Hell to the yes! I'll support anything this talented woman does. And I'm sure she'll be her wonderfully charismatic self in the movie. But I will not stand back silently when I see her wasting her talents on dreck far beneath her. She can do Sharpay in her sleep now. Let's give her a new challenge to spark those creative muscles, okay?

(Photo via Just Jared Jr.)

Look at Me, Ma. I'm a College Graduate!

Anyone remember this jam? I literally haven't heard it in 10 years.

In other news, I am old.

Also, I'm really hoping that my commencement goes something like this today.

I think we all know which character I want to be.

My Films of the 2000's: #40-21

Previous installment: #60-41


40. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Director: Darren Aronofsky
Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly

Like many people, Requiem for a Dream has scarred me for life. If I was ever likely to try heroin at any point in my life, that was squashed right at the moment Jared Leto revealed his blackened arm. My God, I just think about that image and get shivers.

39. Borat (2006)
Director: Larry Charles
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen

A sociological study of Americans as they truly behave that I laughed my ass of throughout most of the runtime. How many movies can you say that about? In any ordinary studio film, Sacha Baron Cohen's schtick would have gotten old ten minutes in. Thankfully, the decision to shoot the film documentary style keeps Cohen engaging and on his toes, ready and willing to do nearly anything to get a laugh. My brother and I were nearly on the floor we were laughing so hard during the naked fight scene.

38. Julia (2009)
Director: Erick Zonca
Starring: Tilda Swinton, Kate del Castillo, Aidan Gold

Tilda Swinton is a goddess. The rest of the movie ain't too shabby either. If only all kidnap-gone-wrong movies were this exciting, unnerving and oddly touching all at the same time.

37. The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Director: Paul Greengrass
Starring: Matt Damon, Joan Allen, David Strathairn

I've admitted my action movie bias before, but I was able to overcome it with The Bourne Ultimatum. After the end credits starting rolling, I just sat in my seat completely dazed by what had just transpired. The film is a pure adrenaline rush--"Godard on crack" I believe I once called it--that makes its cheap imitators look calm and subdued with every jarring jump cut and the so-shaky-I-don't-know-who-I'm-following cinematography.

36. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
Director: Judd Apatow
Starring: Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Catherine Keener

Judd Apatow's first film is still his best. Even at two hours, the film remains fresh and never feels bloated or overlong unlike his two follow-ups.

35. Spirited Away (2002)
Director: Hayao Miyazaki

The most beautiful animated film I've ever seen.

34. Legally Blonde (2001)
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Coolidge, Luke Wilson

The moment Reese Witherspoon became a legitimate bankable star. And I've done the "Bend and Snap" way too many times even for a gay man.

33. Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Director: Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris
Starring: Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Abigail Breslin, Steve Carell, Paul Dano, Alan Arkin

The little quirky indie comedy that could. I'm sure it is popular now to hate on this movie in the wake of it's immense success (hello, Juno!) but I still adore the Hoover family, their multitude of (mental and physical) crises and their bright yellow Volkswagen bus. As an added bonus, Abigail Breslin's unpretentious and unaffected performance as the eponymous Olive is one of the very few child actor performances I can stomach. And you have to give her props for pulling off that musical number; I roared with laughter when I saw this at the theatre.

32. Bright Young Things (2003)
Director: Stephen Fry
Starring: Stephen Campbell Moore, Emily Mortimer, Fenella Woolgar

If Gossip Girl had taken place in 1930's Britain, it would look exactly like Stephen Fry's Bright Young Things. Not especially deep, but the film is frivolous, fast-paced and fun, with an incredible cast consisting of old timers (Stockard Channing, Imelda Staunton) and then up-and-comers (Emily Mortimer, James McAvoy).

31. Adventureland (2009)
Director: Greg Mottola
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Kristen Wiig

Whereas Mottola's Superbad was crude, crass and balls-out funny, Adventureland is nostalgic, achingly sweet and even a bit melancholic at times. Two moments stick out for me like I had just seen the movie yesterday: the bodacious Lisa P.'s enticing dance and Kristen Stewart blankly staring out the windshield with the wind blowing through her hair while 'Don't Dream It's Over' plays dreamily over the background.


30. District 9 (2009)
Director: Neill Blomkamp
Starring: Sharlto Copley

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hide. I'm pretty sure I felt every possible human emotion throughout the course of District 9. I loved every minute of it.

29. WALL-E (2008)
Director: Andrew Stanton

The idea of an animated film about robot wandering a post-apocalyptic planet Earth, I must admit, was a bit of a hard sell. However, it didn't take much convincing after the Chaplinesque pathos of the first half, which I was immediately taken by. Who knew the romance of two robots could be so beautiful?

28. Bad Education (2004)
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Starring: Gael Garcia Bernal, Fele Martinez

I seem to have a thing for movies where Gael Garcia Bernal makes out with men. That's so unlike me, I know. Bernal sexiness aside, this is my favorite Almodóvar film. The mystery is fascinating and keeps you engaged throughout the entire runtime. And Bernal works overtime playing three different roles, remaining an impossibly indecipherable enigma.

27. Memento (2001)
Director: Christopher Nolan
Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie Anne Moss

It's been 3 1/2 years since I first saw Memento, and I'm still working out what it all meant.

26. The Pianist (2002)
Director: Roman Polanski
Starring: Adrien Brody

Not just another Holocaust movie. Frighteningly realistic, downright grimy and all too horrific to believe, it's the Holocaust as we don't like to think about. The fact that Roman Polanski lived through the horrors makes it all the more discomforting to watch; it's almost as if watching his experience first-hand.

25. The HSM Trilogy (2006-8)
Director: Kenny Ortega
Starring: Zac Efron, La Tisdale, Lucas Grabeel, Vanessa Hudgens

My increasing fascination with the tween subculture can be credited to one summer day in 2007 when I decided to see what all this fuss about High School Musical was about. I wasn't crazy about the first, aside from La Tisdale's epic performance of course, but I couldn't deny there was something about their inherent badness that hooked me. I caught the second film when it premiered later on that summer and, while it was technically even worse than the first, I couldn't deny my rising infatuation with La Tisdale's divaliciousness or Zac Efron's beautiful face. By the time the third installment came, it was preceded by a 6+ month anticipation that could barely contain itself by the time it premiered in October of 2008. Who would have guessed that the third would not only be the best of the series but also a legitimately good film in its own right? If nothing else, the HSM Trilogy proved to me that some of the greatest actors around are hiding in the Disney Ghetto, just waiting to be discovered and make it to the big time. Without this trilogy, just think: I probably wouldn't have encountered Demi Lovato, Sterling Knight, Tiffany Thornton or the JONAS girls. Scary thought, indeed.

24. In Bruges (2008)
Director: Martin McDonagh
Starring: Colin Farrel, Brendan Gleeson, Liam Neeson

In retrospect, a dialogue-heavy, (black) comedic meditation on life, death, guilt sounds right up my alley. Initially, however, I was a bit skeptical. Imagine my surprise when the movie ended and I thought to myself, "Damn, everything about this movie just worked." There aren't many movies out there that you can say that about.

23. Dreamgirls (2006)
Director: Bill Condon
Starring: Beyoncé, Jennifer Hudson, Jamie Foxx, Eddie Murphy

All of my favorite things combined into one movie: black female belters, divas, glitter, showstopping musical numbers, the early 60's, Beyoncé wearing ridiculous fashions. You can't ask for much than that, can you? Oh yes you can. How about a showstopping, jaw-dropping performance from American Idol alum Jennifer Hudson that earned at least three rounds of applause in the theatre I saw it in (all of which I joined in enthusiastically)? Or a much maligned performance from Beyoncé that only looked shallow and undercooked because the character required it? Haters to the left (to the left)--I don't need to hear it anymore.

22. Monster in Law (2005)
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Jane Fonda, J. Lo, Wanda Sykes

To this day, I do not understand all the venomous hatred that has been spewed toward this film. Sure, as the first Jane Fonda film in 15 years it is a bit on the fluffy side, but so what? She's vibrant, full of life and, what else, funny as hell as the future mother-in-law hellbent on trying to split up her son (Michael Vartan) from his new fiancée (J. Lo at her breeziest and funniest). Monster in Law is a romantic comedy without all the gushy romantic garbage, replaced with hilarious one-liners (provided mostly by the always great Wanda Sykes) and fast-paced slapstick comedy. If I'm a cinematic neanderthal for liking this movie, then so be it. I will never back down.

21. Bring It On (2000)
Director: Peyton Reed
Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Bradford, Eliza Dushku

It has been ten years and whenever someone around me says, "Brrrr," I still have the urge to finish with "...It's cold in here! There must be some Toros in the at-mosphere!" And there are so many smaller moments that I remember quoting endlessly in junior high when my Bring It On fanaticism was at its peak that still make me giggle with fondness whenever I think back on them (my favorite: "Jan got spirit, yes he do/Jan got spirit, how about you?" "Dude, you just lost" *silence*). This was the sports movie made for gay men: no bullshit clichés and inspirational moments, just good old-fashioned wit, bitchiness, clever one-liners and highly choreographed routines. You can't ask for much more than that.

22 Reasons to Wish Zac Efron a Happy 22nd Birthday

1.

'Without Love' from Hairspray.
I almost peed my pants.
I fell in love.

2.
He has my shoes.

3.
He knows the importance of personal hygiene, unlike another certain teenage heartthrob out there.

4.

Guest Starring on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
He makes out with La Tisdale.
An unhealthy obsession with a fake celebrity couple begins.

5.
He opened HSM3 sweaty and practically having an orgasm.

6.
He's smart enough to tease us but not give away the goods.

7.

'Bet On It' from HSM2
He had the courage to do this musical number with a straight face.
He sings to his reflection in the water.

8.
There must be a lost version of Hairspray where Corny and Link got it on, right?

9.
Sterling Knight is his son.

10.

'Scream' from HSM3
Teen angst never looked so hot.

11.
He looks like La Roux.

12.

Interview with La Tisdale
He's a sarcastic asshole.
You don't know how attractive that is to me.


13.
He looks good at the beach.

14.
He's total cougar bait and Leslie Mann's best looking on-screen husband

15.


'Ladies' Choice' from Hairspray
He basically sells himself to the highest bidder.
And the gyration. Oh, the gyration!

16.
A roll in the dirt never sounded so good.

17.

HSM4 Skit on SNL
He can take a joke and realizes the HSM trilogy for what they were.

18.
He'd go to jail to tap that.

19.
He gets mentioned on Sonny With a Chance
"Because it's my wall. And I like saying I banned Zac Efron. There will come a day when Zac Efron comes knocking on that door and he's like, 'Hey, can I come in?' And I'll be like 'Oh no. You're banned.'"

20.
And 30 Rock
"He looks like Zac Efron. That's a thing, right?"

21.

'You Are the Music in Me' from HSM2
He's La Tisdale's ideal "duet" partner.

22.
Because he's a sexy bitch and my future husband.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAC!

People Who Can Suck It: Megan Fox

Who Needs to Suck It: Megan Fox, a stick with huge boobs, the star of Transformers and inexplicable "hot" girl to retarded straight guys who have obviously never met a really woman in their life.

Why She Needs to Suck It: I can live with the fact that she's simply a shameless, masturbatory fantasy thrown in for the straight guys because, let's face it, there are a ton of untalented hot guys running around Hollywood for our benefit. No, what I can't really, really can't stand about her is that she thinks that she's this clever celebrity who is now popular enough to start talking about whatever the fuck she wants. Often the stuff that comes out is just stupid word vomit. Take her take on High School Musical for example:

Let me tell you what it's really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved. You have to get stoned and watch it.

Oh wow. Aren't you so clever for picking on an enormous film franchise aimed at kids and making a joke about how it's all about molestation and homosexuality! My, the wit in that statement is just astounding. I don't know if anyone else can ever be allowed to give a witty interview because Megan Fox has just topped us all for all time. The whole time she gives interviews like this, you can almost see her calculating just how outrageous to be so people will pay attention to her and think, "Wow, she is an interesting girl." Please, stop trying to be Angelina (the world can barely tolerate one of her as it is) and go back to making your movies about enormous robots beating the shit out of each other and leave us alone.

2008 Diva Cup Awards: The Extra Categories

Best Ensemble
Burn After Reading
George Clooney, Richard Jenkins, John Malkovich, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, J.K. Simmons, Tilda Swinton

A Christmas Tale
Mathieu Amalric, Emile Berling, Laurent Capelluto, Anne Consigny, Catherine Deneuve, Emmanuelle Devos, Chiara Mastroianni, Melvil Poupaud, Jean-Paul Roussillon

Milk
Josh Brolin, Joseph Cross, Victor Garber, James Franco, Emile Hirsch, Denis O'Hare, Sean Penn, Alison Pill

Rachel Getting Married
Rosemarie DeWitt, Anisa George, Anne Hathaway, Bill Irwin, Anna Deavere Smith, Debra Winger, Mather Zickel

Reprise
Henrik Elvestad, Espen Klouman-Hoiner, Anders Danielson Lie, Christian Rubeck, Viktoria Winge

If Only There Were Six: Happy-Go-Lucky

And the Diva Cup Goes to: A Christmas Tale

Best Scene


Boy A
The Nightclub
From the moment the first chords of Robyn's searing, perfectly-chosen-for-the-moment song "With Every Heartbeat" roars over the soundtrack, the nightclub scene is one of the most fascinating scenes of the year. The highlight of this scene, however, is the above clip of star Andrew Garfield, high on ecstasy, doing the most awkward/mesmerizing dance ever captured on film. I'm not exactly sure what it is about this moment that has made me watch it over 10 times, but whatever it is, it's golden.



Burn After Reading
Staredown
Has Brad Pitt ever been this at ease and interesting on-screen? I don't think so.



Cloverfield
Subway Tunnel
This scene terrified me so much that I couldn't even re-watch the clip to make sure it was the right one. Someone please let me know if it's the wrong one.



Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
The Toilet
I wanted to gag and laugh hysterically simultaneously.



WALL-E
Dancing in the Stars
I hate to use over-the-top hyperbole, but this is the most romantic scene I've ever seen since the finale of City Lights. Simply beautiful.

If Only There Were Six: The Dark Knight: "Why So Serious?"

And the Diva Cup Goes to: WALL-E

Best Musical Scene


Les Chanson d'Amour
"J'ai cru entendre"
The number is quick and gets straight to the point, but it's magical; the romance between Louis & Grégoire is the best thing about this movie.



Hamlet 2
"Rock Me Sexy Jesus"
Not quite as funny as it thinks it is, but I must admit that the whole "Jesus comes back as a huge celebrity" theme of the number is interesting to ponder.



High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"High School Musical"
The song is really nothing special, especially compared to the original's epic closer ("We're All in This Together" in case you've forgotten) but the scene is a killer. It's totally manipulative but every time I see their outstretched arms as the curtain falls down or their final bow, I just turn into a complete mess. What a perfect way to say goodbye to our Wildcats!



High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"I Want It All"
Oretga and company throws everything including the kitchen sink into this number and it turned out orgasmically. The colors! The sets! The music! The performances from La Tisdale and Lucas! There is not one weak link in this entire number.



High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"Scream"
The storm of falling basketballs is a bit dubious, but the scene quickly builds up to Efron's should-be iconic jump of the staircase. Simply magical.

If Only There Were Six: Mamma Mia!: "Does Your Mother Know"

And the Diva Cup Goes to: High School Musical 3: Senior Year ("I Want It All")

Best Quote/Line Reading

Happy-Go-Lucky
"En-ra-ha."
Everytime I look in the rear view mirror, this oddly charming chant pops into my head. Thank you, Scott, for teaching me the safest way to drive.

The House Bunny
"The eyes are the nipples of the face."
Any of Faris's line readings were golden (I especially loved anytime she added the word "sexy" to something like "pants" or "car wash") but this one had me craking up the hardest.

Role Models
"No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large: venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations! You're stupid in three languages."
Paul Rudd at his assholian best.

Savage Grace
"You are truly disgusting, you and your Spanish cunt. I am SPEAKING of a CUNT half your age."
Only Julianne Moore could deliver a line like this and not have it become a complete trainwreck. Just golden.

Tropic Thunder
"I don't read the script. The script reads me."
In a movie full of WTF funny moments, this is probably the biggest headscratcher.

If Only There Were Six: Role Models: "Me and the judge have a special relationship. I don't wanna get too graphic but I used to suck his dick for drugs."

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Happy-Go-Lucky

Breakthrough Performance

Emile Berling
A Christmas Tale
Manages to hold his own against Catherine Deneuve, Mathieu Amalric and Anne Consigny throughout the course of this movie. And yet he still doesn't even have a birthdate on his IMDb page. What does an actor have to do these days to get some respect?

Ari Graynor
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Who said young, pretty blondes can't be funny? Graynor has one joke to go on in Nick and Norah, but I'll be damned if she doesn't ride that joke for all it's worth. If I were an actor, I would be leery to accept a comedic drunk part because Graynor has set the bar impossibly high.

David Kross
The Reader
I don't quite buy him as a sex symbol, but I will admit that this performance showed tremendous amounts of potential in the acting field. I can't wait to see what he decides to show us next.

Grégoire Leprince-Ringuet
Les Chansons d'Amour
Adorable, slightly stalkerish instantly lovable and, quite honestly, the most alive person on the cast. By the end of the movie, we are loving him just as much as Louis Garrel is.

Trevor Wright
Shelter
What I appreciated the most about Wright's performance in Shelter (aka the "gay surfer movie") was that he didn't turn his character into a "type" we were automatically familiar with. In other words, I felt like I connected with his lower-class background more than I did with his homosexuality, and you know most actors wouldn't have done that.

If Only There Were Six: Mather Zickel, Rachel Getting Married

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Ari Graynor, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Best Diva


Christine Baranski
Mamma Mia!
Diva Moment: The "Does Your Mother Know" musical number. Baranski rips into that like the over-the-top goddess she is.

Penélope Cruz
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Diva Moment: Do I really have to choose one? Oh dear, how about her verbal assault on ScarJo during her first breakfast out of the hospital.

Catherine Deneuve
A Christmas Tale
Diva Moment: That moment in the backyard with Mathieu Amalric where they, laughingly yet seriously, admit they don't like each other.

Heath Ledger
The Dark Knight
Diva Moment: Performing that "magic trick," just because he can.

Ashley Tisdale
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Diva Moment: Descending from the ceiling to reclaim her version of "A Night to Remember" from that British cunt who stole it from her.

If Only There Were Six: Ana Torrent, The Other Boleyn Girl

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Best Sexpot

Penélope Cruz
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Hottest Scene: If I was straight, I would say the makeout session with ScarJo, but, since I'm not, I'll go with that moment of her leaning against the wall, cigarette in mouth, posing for ScarJo's camera.

Zac Efron
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Hottest Scene: The opening shot of Zac, staring straight at the camera, dripping with sweat and panting like he's just had an orgasm. Yes please.

Hugh Jackman
Australia
Hottest Scene: Pouring water over his hot, sticky, shirtless torso while Nicole Kidman looks on. Does anything else even compare?

Mitch Reinholt
American Teen
Hottest Scene: His first date with Hannah: he's so playful and adorable it kills me.

Marisa Tomei
The Wrestler
Hottest Scene: I think a better question to ask would be which of her scenes aren't hot. And I think the answer to that would be none.

If Only There Were Six: Amy Adams, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Hugh Jackman, Australia

Best Cameo/Limited Performance Karina Fernandez
Happy-Go-Lucky
HILARIOUS! Mines more comedic depth in three minutes than most people did in entire movies.

Anna Kendrick
Twilight
It wasn't until I saw Kendrick on-screen that the character of Jessica truly made sense to me. Why oh why is the gifted comedienne slumming it in third tier parts underneath Robert Pattinson? Can someone write her a role please?

Lena Olin
The Reader
Intellectually kicks so much ass she makes what Batman and Iron Man did in their respective summer blockbusters look like kids stuff. Still the best damn performance in the entire film.

J.K. Simmons
Burn After Reading
Impossibly drole and dark in that Coen Brothers, straight-faced way we've all come to expect and love.

Kaira Whitehead
Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys
We only see glimpses of her as Cole Hauser's secretary, but she nails the one-liner she is given so much that she ends up one of the highlights of the entire film.

If Only There Were Six: Elisabeth Shue, Hamlet 2

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Karina Fernandez, Happy-Go-Lucky

Best Poster The Dark Knight
The only reason I was actually excited for The Dark Knight was because of it's ingenious marketing campaign and this poster was one of the many beautiful ones to emerge.

Funny Games U.S.
One of the most beautiful images I've ever seen on a poster. Had me hooked into this movie straight from the get-go

The House Bunny
I'm still laughing at that stupid look on Anna Faris's face!

Prom Night
Shit movie, but that image is pretty kick ass.

The Wrestler
Interesting choice of photo and that "Witness the resurrection of Mickey Rourke..." quote is just as infamous as the film itself.

If Only There Were Six: Australia

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Funny Games U.S.

Because I Can't Resist an Easy Target

A couple of days ago, MTV announced their nominees for their annual Movie Awards (which has produced some illustrious winners as Napoleon Dynamite for Best Movie and The Governator, Keanu Reeves and Jim Carrey--for Ace Ventura!--as Best Actor) and since they're both stupid beyond relief and as ridiculous as always, they're a prime target for my comments. Prepare the snark-fest!

Best Movie
The Dark Knight
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire
Twilight

Wow, we're actually off to a decent start here. Way to go, MTV! It's not exactly what I would have chosen, but it's no worse than Oscar's picks this year. Shitdog is the worst of the bunch here, no surprise, but the nominees include two mediocre, bordering on dislike films (Iron Man and Twilight) and two quality crowd-pleasers (Dark Knight and HSM3); compare to Oscar with two shits (Shitdog and F/N), two mediocre (Benjamin Button and Reader) and one excellent film (Milk). Not bad for an award's show aimed solely at the masses.

Who I Voted for: High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Best Actor
Christian Bale, The Dark Knight
Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man
Vin Diesel, Fast & Furious
Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Shia LaBeouf, Eagle Eye

And now is the point where MTV shows their true colors. Best Actor has traditionally been their worst category, often awarding some idiot action star for kicking ass or something of the sorts. This year? What do you know, four of the five nominees are in meatheaded action films. I normally enjoy Christian Bale and RDJ and they both gave serviceable performances, but not exactly earth-shattering or even that interesting. I haven't seen Eagle Eye, but I sincerely doubt my favorite person on the planet Shia LaBeouf was even given a chance to act in that one. And when I think of actors stretching their acting muscles, my mind goes straight to Vin Diesel in Fast & Furious. I'm sure there were scenes full of depth and pathos when Vin was driving in the 14th race in the film. Ugh.

Who I Voted for: Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Did Efron have to act much? I don't think so. But he radiated as much charisma and movie star charm as RDJ did in a much, much better film)

Best Actress
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Angelina Jolie, Wanted
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
Kristen Stewart, Twilight
Kate Winslet, The Reader

What. the. fuck. This is, without a doubt, the most fucked up, random list of nominees you could ever generate--and only one (okay, two...in parts) legitimately good performance. Angelina Jolie was better in Wanted than she was in her Oscar-nominated performance in Changeling, but that's really not saying much. Taraji P. Henson gave the best performance but, yet again, that's really not saying much either. I love me some Winslet, but The Reader is far from her best performance (and I'm curious why the tweens voted for her...surely they didn't see this movie). Now that we've gotten those out of the way, let's discuss Anne Hathaway, shall we? I love this woman and this love only grows deeper every day, but her "performance" in Bride Wars was a trainwreck from beginning to end. It's not really her fault--there was absolutely nothing she could have done to turn that piece of shit character to get more comedy out of it--but if you we're going to nominate her for something, why not Get Smart, which wasn't great but better in comparison or Rachel Getting Married, since they were already in the mood for "weird," Oscar pictures.

Who I Voted for: Kristen Stewart, Twilight

Breakthrough Male
Ben Barnes, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Taylor Lautner, Twilight
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Bobb'e J. Thompson, Role Models

Is there really any doubt that Robert Pattinson is going to win this? I know that this category is basically "Hottest Guy" but I've heard all sorts of bad things about Ben Barnes's performance in Narnia. And Taylor Lautner? Really? He was in Twilight for, what, five minutes. I'm guessing it's just anticipation for New Moon, where he has a much bigger role.

Who I Voted for: Bobb'e J. Thompson, Role Models (He was funny, sure, but any child actor could have said the outrageous lines he was given and but just as good. But do I really have any choice?)

Breakthrough Female
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Kat Dennings, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Freida Pinto, Slumdog Millionaire
Amanda Seyfreid, Mamma Mia!
La Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year

My favorite category this year by a long shot. Cyrus, Hudgens and Pinto are shi: I know this and you know this. But Amanda Seyfreid?! Kat Dennings?! La FREAKING Tisdale?! Be still my heart!

Who I Voted for: La Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year (surprise surprise!)

2008 Diva Cup Awards: The "Oscar Categories"

Well, here we go again! The 2008 Diva Cup Awards are off and running and, for the first time, I decided to post my nominees for the "Oscar categories." Plus, instead of breaking them down into individual posts, I decided to group them together so I could move on faster. Here's how I plan on dividing them:

-The Oscar categories
-The Extra categories
-Original and Adapted Screenplay
-Picture and Director
-Actor
-Actress
-Supporting Actor
-Supporting Actress

I hope you enjoy all these and please do not be afraid to let me know what you think in the comments!

Best Cinematography

Australia
Mandy Walker
Every shot in Australia is so breathtakingly gorgeous that the film risks collapsing under all its beauty. Thankfully, Walker never lets this happen and makes sure the blazing colors are there for more than eye candy.

Blindness
César Charlone
In the film, the characters are inflicted with a blindness that turns everything white. Charlone has a bright white light illuminating every shot, echoing the character's problems, and it never once feels gimmicky.

Boy A
Rob Hardy
It may not immediately jump out at you, but Hardy gets some amazing shots on what is sure to be a limited budget.

A Christmas Tale
Eric Gautier
Beautiful camerawork that doesn't get in the way of what's going on onscreen. It's truly the perfect compliment to the ugliness of what's going on in the family.

Reprise
Jakob Ihre
Makes the risky choice to shoot a lot of the film in a blinding white light to contrast with the dark complexities of the relationships and circumstances in the film. The risk pays off.

If Only There Were Six: The Wrestler (Maryse Alberti)

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Reprise

Best Editing


A Christmas Tale
Laurence Briaud
Connects all the shreds of this emotionally disconnected family in interesting ways.

Cloverfield
Kevin Stitt
The work is definitely from the Bourne school of hyper-editing, but I think it serves the film well. Things are flying at the screen and popping out of mid air at such an alarming rate that you have no idea whether this real life or merely fiction at certain points. Truly terrifying.

The Edge of Heaven
Andrew Bird
It would have been easy to play up the "fate" and "coincidence" aspects of the film when it comes to the film, but the editing wisely ignores such stupid tricks and only uses them at the appropriate time.

Rachel Getting Married
Tim Squyers
More likely than not, Squyers had a ton of footage to work with and some really awkward and unwieldy scenes to work around (the rehearsal dinner and reception immediately spring to mind) but he makes everything flow smoothly and knows just how to hold certain moments just to brink of exhaustion.

Reprise
Olivier Bugge Coutté
Cuts back forth between the hopeful future and dark present like an unseen dagger in the back. Brutally beautiful.

If Only There Were Six: Milk (Elliot Graham)

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Edge of Heaven

Best Art Direction

Australia
Catherine Martin, Ian Gracie, Karen Murphy and Beverley Dunn
Jawdropping.

A Christmas Tale
Dan Bevan
Overstuffed, like the film. But all in a good way.

The Dark Knight
Nathan Crowley and Peter Lando
Appropriately gothic.

Synecdoche, New York
Mark Friedberg
Intricate beyond belief.

WALL-E
Ralph Eggleston
Creates a world unlike I've ever seen before.

If Only There Were Six: Milk (Dan Bevan)

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Synecdoche, New York

Best Costume Design

27 Dresses
Catherine Martin Thomas
Hilariously over the top. The film's sight gags hinge on the hideousness of these dresses and Thomas delivers.

Australia
Catherine Martin
Nicole Kidman is the world's greatest Barbie doll and Catherine Martin has a ball dressing her up.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Caroline Marx
Any movie that put it's obviously gay character in pink pants and knee high boots deserves a spot in any Best Costume Design list. Plus, Marx gets mad bonus points for Sharpay's "fabulous" clothes, which only get more divalicious as the series goes on.


The Other Boleyn Girl
Sandy Powell
With sets so (appropriately) cold, Powell had the unenviable task of making the stifling period clothes sexy. By the end of the film I was wishing the 1600's would make a comeback. Mission accomplished.

Sex and the City: The Movie
Patricia Field
On the rack, these clothes probably looked like a hot mess that no one can pull off. Patricia Field knows these women so well, however, that she can make toilet paper and duck tape work for these ladies. Simply the most divine thing about this movie.

If Only There Were Six: Leatherheads (Louise Frogley)

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Sex and the City: The Movie

Best Original Score


Australia
David Hirschfelder
Now this is how you score an epic romance! Hirschfelder's work definitely puts you in the mood for love.


A Christmas Tale
Grégoire Hetzel
May strain too hard to be elegant and "classy," but I found it to be simply divine to listen to.


Leatherheads
Randy Newman
There's nothing I love more than the 1920's, so I have to give it up to Randy for evoking the era so potently.


Slumdog Millionaire
A.R. Rahman
Precious little works in this film, but I have to give mad props to Rahman for this brilliantly bombastic music score which overshadows the visuals surrounding it a good part of the time.


WALL-E
Thomas Newman
When the first half of your film is silent apart from a couple of Wall-Eeeee's and Evaaaa's, you had better make sure you have a score that compliments, but doesn't overpower, the visuals at all times. On this and all counts, Thomas Newman's score is a major success.

If Only There Were Six: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Alexandre Desplat)

And the Diva Cup Goes to: WALL-E

Best Original Song


Les Chansons d'Amour [Love Songs]
"As-tu dèjá aimé"
Written by Alex Beaupain
Performed by Grégoire Leprince-Ringuet and Louis Garrel
I'm not fluent in French and, therefore, have no idea what they're saying, but it just feel right, doesn't it?


Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"Dracula's Lament"
Written and Performed by Jason Segel
It's supposed to be a joke, but the snippet Segel offers up in the bar makes you really want to see what the rest of the musical this number comes from is all about.


High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"I Want It All"
Written by Matthew Gerrard and Robbie Nevil
Performed by Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Grabeel
Glorious. Words can not even begin to describe the elation I feel everytime I hear this song. Without a doubt, it's the greatest number in the HSM trilogy and a true milestone in the Disney musical legacy.


High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"Scream"
Written by Jamie Houston
Performed by Zac Efron
Who doesn't want to get angsty with Zac Efron after this emotional number? Finally, after a couple of incredibly bad solo numbers in the first film, the right song comes along for Zac to really prove what he's made of. Melodramatic with a capital "M."


Sex and the City: The Movie
"All Dressed in Love"
Written by Cee-Lo, Matt Kahane and Salaam Remi
Performed by Jennifer Hudson
A cute metaphoric ditty for the movie, but J. Hud rips into this song like no other. Some of the notes she reaches are breathtaking.

If Only There Were Six: Slumdog Millionaire ("Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny)") [I was all set to include this even if it wasn't technically a part of the movie, but I decided against it at the last minute. This song is genius. PCD 4Ever!]

And the Diva Cup Goes to: High School Musical 3: Senior Year ("I Want It All")

Best Sound

Australia
The sound is as bombastic and over-the-top as the movie itself.

Cloverfield
This is the sound of the world ending. I think I just peed my pants.

Funny Games U.S.
The horrificness of the situation is amplified tenfold by the film's manipulation of the sound design.

The Strangers
Twists the usual cheap "startles" into something genuinely frightening.

WALL-E
Immaculate work. The voices are at once robotic and human-like and the effects are painstakingly real.

If Only There Were Six: The Dark Knight

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Strangers

Best Makeup

The Dark Knight
Some naysayers may hate this nomination, but that Joker makeup was truly inspired. Sometimes it's the easiest looking work that's truly the hardest to pull off.

Synecdoche, New York
A good number of the characters age quite drastically and it is all extremely subtly done.

The Wrestler
That "extreme" wrestling match is so realistic I was cringing with every staple being inserted into Randy's flesh. Gah, talk about uncomfortable.

If Only There Were Four: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Wrestler



Best Visual Effects

Cloverfield
Oh my God, what the fuck is that?!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
That was Brad Pitt?!

WALL-E
Cartoons can look like this?!

If Only There Were Four: The Dark Knight

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button