My Films of the 2000's: #40-21

Previous installment: #60-41


40. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Director: Darren Aronofsky
Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly

Like many people, Requiem for a Dream has scarred me for life. If I was ever likely to try heroin at any point in my life, that was squashed right at the moment Jared Leto revealed his blackened arm. My God, I just think about that image and get shivers.

39. Borat (2006)
Director: Larry Charles
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen

A sociological study of Americans as they truly behave that I laughed my ass of throughout most of the runtime. How many movies can you say that about? In any ordinary studio film, Sacha Baron Cohen's schtick would have gotten old ten minutes in. Thankfully, the decision to shoot the film documentary style keeps Cohen engaging and on his toes, ready and willing to do nearly anything to get a laugh. My brother and I were nearly on the floor we were laughing so hard during the naked fight scene.

38. Julia (2009)
Director: Erick Zonca
Starring: Tilda Swinton, Kate del Castillo, Aidan Gold

Tilda Swinton is a goddess. The rest of the movie ain't too shabby either. If only all kidnap-gone-wrong movies were this exciting, unnerving and oddly touching all at the same time.

37. The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Director: Paul Greengrass
Starring: Matt Damon, Joan Allen, David Strathairn

I've admitted my action movie bias before, but I was able to overcome it with The Bourne Ultimatum. After the end credits starting rolling, I just sat in my seat completely dazed by what had just transpired. The film is a pure adrenaline rush--"Godard on crack" I believe I once called it--that makes its cheap imitators look calm and subdued with every jarring jump cut and the so-shaky-I-don't-know-who-I'm-following cinematography.

36. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
Director: Judd Apatow
Starring: Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Catherine Keener

Judd Apatow's first film is still his best. Even at two hours, the film remains fresh and never feels bloated or overlong unlike his two follow-ups.

35. Spirited Away (2002)
Director: Hayao Miyazaki

The most beautiful animated film I've ever seen.

34. Legally Blonde (2001)
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Coolidge, Luke Wilson

The moment Reese Witherspoon became a legitimate bankable star. And I've done the "Bend and Snap" way too many times even for a gay man.

33. Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Director: Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris
Starring: Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Abigail Breslin, Steve Carell, Paul Dano, Alan Arkin

The little quirky indie comedy that could. I'm sure it is popular now to hate on this movie in the wake of it's immense success (hello, Juno!) but I still adore the Hoover family, their multitude of (mental and physical) crises and their bright yellow Volkswagen bus. As an added bonus, Abigail Breslin's unpretentious and unaffected performance as the eponymous Olive is one of the very few child actor performances I can stomach. And you have to give her props for pulling off that musical number; I roared with laughter when I saw this at the theatre.

32. Bright Young Things (2003)
Director: Stephen Fry
Starring: Stephen Campbell Moore, Emily Mortimer, Fenella Woolgar

If Gossip Girl had taken place in 1930's Britain, it would look exactly like Stephen Fry's Bright Young Things. Not especially deep, but the film is frivolous, fast-paced and fun, with an incredible cast consisting of old timers (Stockard Channing, Imelda Staunton) and then up-and-comers (Emily Mortimer, James McAvoy).

31. Adventureland (2009)
Director: Greg Mottola
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Kristen Wiig

Whereas Mottola's Superbad was crude, crass and balls-out funny, Adventureland is nostalgic, achingly sweet and even a bit melancholic at times. Two moments stick out for me like I had just seen the movie yesterday: the bodacious Lisa P.'s enticing dance and Kristen Stewart blankly staring out the windshield with the wind blowing through her hair while 'Don't Dream It's Over' plays dreamily over the background.


30. District 9 (2009)
Director: Neill Blomkamp
Starring: Sharlto Copley

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hide. I'm pretty sure I felt every possible human emotion throughout the course of District 9. I loved every minute of it.

29. WALL-E (2008)
Director: Andrew Stanton

The idea of an animated film about robot wandering a post-apocalyptic planet Earth, I must admit, was a bit of a hard sell. However, it didn't take much convincing after the Chaplinesque pathos of the first half, which I was immediately taken by. Who knew the romance of two robots could be so beautiful?

28. Bad Education (2004)
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Starring: Gael Garcia Bernal, Fele Martinez

I seem to have a thing for movies where Gael Garcia Bernal makes out with men. That's so unlike me, I know. Bernal sexiness aside, this is my favorite Almodóvar film. The mystery is fascinating and keeps you engaged throughout the entire runtime. And Bernal works overtime playing three different roles, remaining an impossibly indecipherable enigma.

27. Memento (2001)
Director: Christopher Nolan
Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie Anne Moss

It's been 3 1/2 years since I first saw Memento, and I'm still working out what it all meant.

26. The Pianist (2002)
Director: Roman Polanski
Starring: Adrien Brody

Not just another Holocaust movie. Frighteningly realistic, downright grimy and all too horrific to believe, it's the Holocaust as we don't like to think about. The fact that Roman Polanski lived through the horrors makes it all the more discomforting to watch; it's almost as if watching his experience first-hand.

25. The HSM Trilogy (2006-8)
Director: Kenny Ortega
Starring: Zac Efron, La Tisdale, Lucas Grabeel, Vanessa Hudgens

My increasing fascination with the tween subculture can be credited to one summer day in 2007 when I decided to see what all this fuss about High School Musical was about. I wasn't crazy about the first, aside from La Tisdale's epic performance of course, but I couldn't deny there was something about their inherent badness that hooked me. I caught the second film when it premiered later on that summer and, while it was technically even worse than the first, I couldn't deny my rising infatuation with La Tisdale's divaliciousness or Zac Efron's beautiful face. By the time the third installment came, it was preceded by a 6+ month anticipation that could barely contain itself by the time it premiered in October of 2008. Who would have guessed that the third would not only be the best of the series but also a legitimately good film in its own right? If nothing else, the HSM Trilogy proved to me that some of the greatest actors around are hiding in the Disney Ghetto, just waiting to be discovered and make it to the big time. Without this trilogy, just think: I probably wouldn't have encountered Demi Lovato, Sterling Knight, Tiffany Thornton or the JONAS girls. Scary thought, indeed.

24. In Bruges (2008)
Director: Martin McDonagh
Starring: Colin Farrel, Brendan Gleeson, Liam Neeson

In retrospect, a dialogue-heavy, (black) comedic meditation on life, death, guilt sounds right up my alley. Initially, however, I was a bit skeptical. Imagine my surprise when the movie ended and I thought to myself, "Damn, everything about this movie just worked." There aren't many movies out there that you can say that about.

23. Dreamgirls (2006)
Director: Bill Condon
Starring: Beyoncé, Jennifer Hudson, Jamie Foxx, Eddie Murphy

All of my favorite things combined into one movie: black female belters, divas, glitter, showstopping musical numbers, the early 60's, Beyoncé wearing ridiculous fashions. You can't ask for much than that, can you? Oh yes you can. How about a showstopping, jaw-dropping performance from American Idol alum Jennifer Hudson that earned at least three rounds of applause in the theatre I saw it in (all of which I joined in enthusiastically)? Or a much maligned performance from Beyoncé that only looked shallow and undercooked because the character required it? Haters to the left (to the left)--I don't need to hear it anymore.

22. Monster in Law (2005)
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Jane Fonda, J. Lo, Wanda Sykes

To this day, I do not understand all the venomous hatred that has been spewed toward this film. Sure, as the first Jane Fonda film in 15 years it is a bit on the fluffy side, but so what? She's vibrant, full of life and, what else, funny as hell as the future mother-in-law hellbent on trying to split up her son (Michael Vartan) from his new fiancée (J. Lo at her breeziest and funniest). Monster in Law is a romantic comedy without all the gushy romantic garbage, replaced with hilarious one-liners (provided mostly by the always great Wanda Sykes) and fast-paced slapstick comedy. If I'm a cinematic neanderthal for liking this movie, then so be it. I will never back down.

21. Bring It On (2000)
Director: Peyton Reed
Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Bradford, Eliza Dushku

It has been ten years and whenever someone around me says, "Brrrr," I still have the urge to finish with "...It's cold in here! There must be some Toros in the at-mosphere!" And there are so many smaller moments that I remember quoting endlessly in junior high when my Bring It On fanaticism was at its peak that still make me giggle with fondness whenever I think back on them (my favorite: "Jan got spirit, yes he do/Jan got spirit, how about you?" "Dude, you just lost" *silence*). This was the sports movie made for gay men: no bullshit clichés and inspirational moments, just good old-fashioned wit, bitchiness, clever one-liners and highly choreographed routines. You can't ask for much more than that.

Am I Crazy or Falling in Love?

I hate to step on Vera's turf, especially since she does it so well, but I just had to profile this model I discovered the other day and have been crushing on ever since. His name is Chad White and he's been modeling for a couple of years. He was all set to join the Navy but those plans were abandoned when he was discovered and signed by Model Management in 2005. Oh well, the Navy's loss is our gain. I was first drawn to him because of his (very) slight resemblance to Channing Tatum during his model days, but what I find the sexiest about him is that he seems to be approachable in ways that many male models aren't. Just look at his completely charming smile in a couple of these photos? Doesn't it just melt your heart?

Besides, any person whom J. Hud deems worthy enough to take a photo with is alright by me.

Chad White, you're an okay petunia.

The Top 50 Songs of 2008

Every year, this list keeps on getting bigger and better. I started with 10 in 2006 and worked my way up to 20 last year. This year there were so many fantastic songs that I just had to expand my list to 50 (and even then I couldn't include everything I wanted to!). The reason for this? In 2008, I expanded my taste beyond the crap that was being played on the radio here and, thanks to Glenn at Stale Popcorn and Popjustice, I started listening to music from the U.K. and Australia. Guess what? The music over there is amazing, 100 times better than most of the stuff being played repeatedly over here. I've discovered some pretty amazing artists and they figure heavily into this countdown and my upcoming Albums of the Year post. I hope you enjoy my list and get the opportunity to click on some of the links to discover some fresh new music today.

Runner-Ups: Pussycat Dolls "I Hate This Part"/Mariah Carey "Bye Bye"/Jesse McCartney "Leavin'"/Kanye West "Love Lockdown"

50. Jesse McCartney "It's Over"
49. Jordin Sparks "One Step at a Time"
48. Paula Abdul "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow"
For Paula fans only.
47. Danity Kane featuring Missy Elliott "Bad Girl"
I thought "Damaged" was just a fluke...
46. Santogold "L.E.S. Artistes"
45. Chris Brown/David Archuleta "With You"
I liked the Chris Brown version first, but then Davie Archuleta did his own rendition on American Idol this spring and I fell in love with it even more.
44. Ne-Yo "Closer"
43. Natasha Bedingfield "Pocketful of Sunshine"
42. Flo Rida featuring T-Pain "Low"
Sadly, this was the best rap song of the year. Come back, Missy and Eve; we desperately need you!
41. Gabriella Cilmi "Don't Wanna Go to Bed Now"

40. The Saturdays "If This Is Love"
39. Cyndi Lauper "Into the Nightlife"
38. O.A.R. "Shattered"
37. Britney Spears "Break the Ice"
36. Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland "4 Minutes"
My initial fanaticism has died down a bit (and there were better songs on Hard Candy) but I still think it's fantastic.
35. Sugababes "Girls"
If this is one of Sugababes lesser singles, imagine what they sound like at their best. It's mindblowing!
34. Rihanna "Take a Bow"
The first of three Rihanna songs.
33. The Saturdays "Up"
32. Same Difference "We R One"
Oh, you knew Sean and Sarah were coming...
31. The Killers "Human"
Not quite "Somebody Told Me" but I'll take it.

30. Duffy "Mercy"
29. Beyoncé "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"
Crazy music video? Check. Beyoncé in all of her diva glory? Check. Flawless vocals? Check. Then why wasn't I Am...Sasha Fierce as good as this one track?
28. Jennifer Hudson "All Dressed in Love"
27. Kylie Minogue "The One"
26. Janet Jackson "Feedback"
As with Beyoncé, the only decent song on Miss Jackson, if you're Nasty's latest dud album. Where has our 80's queen gone?
25. Delta Goodrem "You Will Only Break My Heart"
24. Britney Spears "Womanizer"
Repetitious as hell, but you are lying if you say this song doesn't get stuck in your head after hearing it just a few times. Bonus points for her comeback music video, which made this already great song that much better.
23. Santogold "Lights Out"
22. Sam Sparro "21st Century Life"
21. Adele "Chasing Pavements"

20. Madonna "Miles Away"
Hypnotic; it's like you're listening in on Madonna's therapy session (and it makes it all the sadder that the song basically came true just months after the album's release).
19. Lady GaGa featuring Colby Odonis "Just Dance"
18. Rihanna "Don't Stop the Music"
17. Leona Lewis "Better in Time"
16. Sam Sparro "Black and Gold"
15. Kylie Minogue "In My Arms"
How does it feel in your arms, Kylie? Fan-fucking-tastic. This may be the one of the finest songs of her long career.
14. Estelle featuring Kanye West "American Boy"
13. Little Jackie "The World Should Revolve Around Me"
A song for divas around the world.
12. Robyn featuring Kleerup "With Every Heartbeat"
11. Miley Cyrus "See You Again"
Is "My best friend Leslie said, 'Oh, she's just being Miley'" the most genius lyric of this year? This decade? I think so.

10. Jennifer Hudson "Spotlight"
Can J. Hud sing every song ever? We all knew she could sing the shit out of ballads, but now she can add mid-tempo dance songs to her resumé. Now, all she needs is an album full of well-written songs like this one and she'll be taking over the world soon enough.
9. Pink "So What"
I love my Pink pissed off and out for revenge. She's my favorite divorcé this year.
8. Sneaky Sound System "Kansas City"
The best hook of the year: "Somebody in Kansas City loves me." The rest of the song is catchy as hell, too.
7. Michelle Williams "We Break the Dawn"
Forget Beyoncé- the former member of Destiny's Child who had the best year was third-wheel Michelle Williams. Not only was her album off the hook (the kids are still saying that, right?) but "We Break the Dawn" rivals some of Beyoncé's best solo work.
6. Duffy "Warwick Avenue"
"Mercy" may have been her breakthrough, but "Warwick Avenue" was the first proof that Duffy may be the finest singer/songwriter of her generation. When she sings, "You think you're loving, but you don't love me" it cuts right through me; I feel like I know exactly what message she's trying to get across through that one lyric.
5. David Archuleta "Crush"
"Crush" is so cheesy and 90's boy band-ish that I'm surprised Same Difference hasn't covered it already and yet little Davie Archuleta sells it like the true pro he is. I feel no shame in admitting that I spent a good portion of the summer listening to this song in my car and singing every word at the top of my lungs.
4. Danity Kane "Damaged"
"Can you fix my H-E-A-R-T, 'cause it's D-A-M-A-G-E-D?" Yes, Danity Kane, you did fix the whole in my heart left by PCD's disappointing seconds album.
3. Girls Aloud "The Promise"
Is it "Biology"? No, but no other song this year had me waiting so impatiently for its release and then when I finally heard it, the song didn't disappoint in the slightest. I swear to God I listened to it 20 times in a row the first day I heard it and it's currently the most played song on my iTunes.
2. Rihanna "Disturbia"
If you're not careful, "Disturbia" will creep up and consume you, that's how insanely catchy it is.
1. Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love"
UK import Leona Lewis struck gold with "Bleeding Love" this year and it's, without a doubt, my favorite song of the year. I'm actually surprised that this song was so big because it's actually very dark and moody. Leona's vocals are absolutely enchanting and you spend the whole song waiting in anticipation for whatever is going to come out of her mouth. The best news of all is that Leona Lewis isn't a one-hit wonder; both "Better in Time" and "Run" proved that she has the talent to stick around for a long time.

What a Shock to the System: Jennifer Hudson's Mother and Brother Found Dead

I interrupt all of the HSM3 festivities with this heartbreaking news I've just found out. While checking my email, I ran across this story about the death of Academy Award Winner Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother and the kidnapping of her nephew. I'm sitting here now and I can barely comprehend what just happened. It's all too sad and horrific to imagine. This is something that no person, famous or not, should ever have to go through. I just want Jennifer to know that my thoughts are with her and her family during these trying times.

UPDATE: I've just done some research and TMZ reports that Jennifer's sister, Julia, the mother of the missing boy, hasn't been seen since finishing her bus driving shift earlier this afternoon. Shit. This family doesn't need any more tragedy today.

This Fall Isn't Just About Great Movies...

....well, I'm not going to lie, the movies do hold a little more importance for me, but the multitude of new CD's coming out by artists I actually like in the coming months is impressive. It's seriously blowing my mind. I've been compiling this list for the past week or so and I still don't think I've covered everything, so if I'm missing a great artist's upcoming album, let me know and if I like the artist too, I'll add them.

• Pussycat Dolls Doll Domination (9/23) I'm probably in the minority when I say that the Pussycat Dolls' debut album PCD is a near pop masterpiece, but it truly is. It flaunts it's trashiness like Michael Phelps' gold medals and there's nothing I love more than camp embracing it's campiness. The first single from Doll Domination, "When I Grow Up," is almost up to that camp standard (the opening is epic but I still can't get over the crap chorus) so let's hope that the rest of the album is a tad bit more focused.
  
• Jennifer Hudson Jennifer Hudson (9/30) OMGJenniferHudson! If the rest of the album is as brilliant as her first single "Spotlight," then we're probably looking at the album of the year.
  
• Michelle Williams Unexpected (10/7) Michelle who? Let me remind you, in case you were brainwashed have forgotten that there were two other members of Destiny's Child beside Beyonce. Kelly Rowland released an album last year that was half good, half not-so-good so now it's Michelle Williams' turn to try to steal some of Beyonce's spotlight. With "We Break the Dawn," the amazingly epic song that's burning up the radio and everyone's talking about...what, you haven't heard it? Oh, that's right. When people are given a great track that even fits the current popular taste, it's the American way to ignore them for Kid Rock and Lil' Wayne.
  
• Sugababes Catfights & Spotlights (10/20- UK release date) Amazing album title, hot first single and a track with the greatest lyrics I've heard in a long time. Look what you're missing out on, America!
  
• Pink Funhouse (10/28) "So What" is my new official angry anthem and Pink hasn't disappointed me musically since...well, ever! Pink defined my teenage years with her M!ssundaztood album so it's stands to chance that Funhouse could start my 20's off with a bang, right?
  
• David Archuleta TBA (11/11) In my opinion, this little cutie should have won American Idol this season, but apparently my opinion doesn't matter and America hates me (I'm not bitter!). As a tradition, albums from the second place finishers usually suck, but I have faith in my Davie because of his first single, "Crush." The lyrics and music are pure boy band cheese, but Archuleta sells it like a true pro and, before I know it, I'm singing along with every word and listening to it on repeat over and over again.
  
• Missy Elliott Block Party (11/11) Missy always delivers a hot album with a sick singles and visually impressive music videos. These days, she's hip hop's saving grace so we need to treasure every ounce of originality from her.
  
• Beyonce Virtuoso Intellect (?) (11/18) I'm not sure how I feel about the rumored title yet, but it's f-ing Beyonce, man. There's not too much info on this one as of right now, although she just shot the video for her first single "If I Were a Man" a couple of weeks ago. The best news: the video is supposed to be thematically similar to her "Ring the Alarm" video (aka one of the greatest music videos of the decade). Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten? I officially can't wait!
  
• The Killers Day & Age (11/25) Little known fact: J'adore The Killers. "Mr. Brightside" and "When You Were Young" are absolutely two of my favorite songs ever. If Day & Age offers one song as good as either of them, this will be one hot album.
  
• Britney Spears Circus (12/2) Without a doubt, this is my most anticipated album of the year. If Blackout, a true masterpiece if I've ever heard one, was made during her famed meltdown, just imagine the mindblowing album that could come out of her now that she's got her life on track. We'll hear her first single, "Womanizer," on the 22nd, so let's cross our fingers that this will be another winner from Miss Spears.
  
• Girls Aloud TBA (TBA) No details have been released about Girls Aloud's newest album, but I literally can't get the first single, "The Promise," out of my head or off repeat. It's so damn catchy and unlike anything I've heard from them or am hearing currently on the radio. Listen for yourself.
  

I'm going to be so poor by December.

J. Hud's New Music (and Fergie Too!)

Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson has a role in the upcoming Sex and the City movie, her first time on screens since Dreamgirls. Perhaps more importantly, she has a new original song on the soundtrack and it's fabulous (though you wouldn't expect anything less from her). The song is called "All Dressed in Love" and it is a ton of fun. The song is funky and J. Hud's vocals are immaculate, proving she can do up-tempo songs and that she can excel on non-Dreamgirls songs. If her upcoming debut album is anywhere near as good as "All Dressed in Love," there will be no stopping this woman.

Fergie also has a new song on the Sex and the City soundtrack called "Labels or Love." I don't love it as much as "Fergalicious" yet, but it does offer a new Fergie catchphrase: supercalifragi-sexy. How does this woman keep doing it? Even with the most awful lyrics, Fergie can turn any song into a masterpiece of pop trash. She's like Jesus.

Oscar After Party!

What a glorious night last night was! Two upsets with two of my very favorites pulling ahead and snatching the prizes made me very happy to say the least. Although I didn't do very well with my predictions, only getting 13 correct out of 24 categories, I was still so happy at some of my mistakes (Marion & Tilda, Transformers getting shut out). Anyways, here are my thoughts about last night's ceremony, both the positives and the negatives:

Positives
+Jon Stewart hosting: I was initially a little worried about him, because, for me anyways, he's frankly hit or miss and I really don't find him that funny on The Daily Show. But, I have to say that he pulled through and did a really nice job. Not as good as Ellen last year, but still pretty consistently funny.
+Cotillard crying at La Vie en Rose's Best Makeup win: This was so funny to me and my friend Sammi that we made fun of it all night. In case you missed it, her reaction is priceless: she puts her hands over her mouth in shock, like she had just won the damn award and, I think, starts tearing up a little. Lord knows I love Cotillard to death, but she was an easy target for Sammi & I. For example, when the French guy won for Best Short: "Oh my Goodness! A French person just won! I'm so happy!" Or when The Counterfeiters won Best Foreign Film: "Oh my Goodness! They're European! They are so close to France!"
+Josh Brolin & James McAvoy presenting Best Adapted Screenplay: Swoon! Oh my, I couldn't contain myself with these two reading off those classic lines (McAvoy especially, with that beautiful Scotish growl saying "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" I melted right there). Way too many dirty thoughts going on there.
+Jennifer Hudson!: What a beautiful and classy lady. No matter what anyone says about her "undeserved" win, I will always love her.
+Letting Marketa Irglova back on stage: Jon Stewart didn't have to let her finish her speech, but I'm glad he did because I would have felt horrible for her the rest of the night. She delivered such a lovely speech that it was definitely worth the extra couple of minutes it took. Plus, I loved Jon Stewart's joke about them backstage (Glen: "Let's make the Oscar's kiss" Marketa: "But they're two boys" Glen: "Well, this is Hollywood")
+No Country For Old Men's Best Picture win: I did like Atonement a teensy bit better, but No Country For Old Men is definitely not something I can get upset about. After The Departed last year, it seems that Oscar is atoning for Crash two years ago by picking the right films this time.
+Diablo Cody's dress: It was leopard print, nearly see-through and had a slit up to her va-jay-jay...God, I love Diablo Cody.

Negatives
-The Enchanted Performances: Lord knows I love the songs from Enchanted (well, at least "Happy Working Song" and "That's How You Know") so it was just a shame that they were done so shoddily last night. Amy Adams did fine with "Happy Working Song" but she was kind of weak and almost seemed to be overdoing it with her voice. Maybe she's just no suited for live performances, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it could have been so much better. Kristen Chenoweth seemed the perfect choice to sing "That's How You Know" because she seems just as bright and bubbly as Giselle, but her voice, to me, was plain awful last night. She was warbling the whole way through and really tried to change the melody into something more difficult that what it actually was. And, as for that last one, let me just say that they should have gotten James Marsden to sing that because it would have been 1000 times better (and more memorable).
-The Dame Judi Dench Fakeout: When they announced Dame Judi Dench's name to present the next award, I looked over at my friend Sammi and was like "Oh my God, yes!!" I was getting ready to bow down in her presence when suddenly I see Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen coming out to present. What the fuck?! And then to have them argue about who was the Dame Judi Dench? That was ridiculous because I would have been her in two seconds. Poo-poo on you Oscar ceremony.
-The First 30 Minutes With Regis: The epitome of painful: Regis talking loudly, annoying contest winners hogging camera time, no stars I cared about (except for Cotillard) and Regis introducing "Xavier" Bardem. That was f-ing ridiculous.

Before I finish, I just want to mention this conversation Sammi and I had during the ceremony:

Sammi: Who's that sitting next to James McAvoy? Is it Keira Knightley?
Me: It can't be. She didn't come. I think that's his girlfriend or wife, I can't remember which.
Sammi: What?! Looks on IMDB Yeah, that's his wife. She's nine years older than him- I can definitely steal him away.
Me: Right. Just like I'm going to steal James Marsden from his wife.
Sammi: You don't have all the parts he likes- you need a vagina...and boobs.
Me: Whatever. 10 minutes later... Hey! Guess what my name would be if I married James Marsden...James Marsden!

Happy MLK Day!

Effie: Tell me something, Curtis. Do you think it's right to promote an amateur performer over a professional?

Curtis: I'm not sure what this is about.

Effie: It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? 'Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.' So why am I sitting here without so much as a B-side on a 45, when an amateur like Martin Luther King, Jr. gets his own freaking album. I mean, can he even sing?

The Oscars are Racist

The other day I was looking through a bunch of my old notes on Facebook (which I wrote on a lot before I got my spiffy new blog) and I came across the one I wrote the morning the Oscar nominations were announced last year. Appropriately titled "Oscar Nominations---I'm pissed!", I basically ranted about how Dreamgirls, which at that point was my favorite film of the year, was denied a Best Picture nomination and, at one point, I called the Oscars racist. I'm still a little bitter (although The Departed was a smidge better) but I think it's funny how angry I got. I haven't seen a film yet this year that I will be crushed if they don't get a Best Picture nomination (my two favorites- Hairspray and Hot Fuzz- have no chance in hell) but it could possibly happen towards December and January when I see more of the "real" contenders.

So, I guess this could be interpreted as a warning because when a film or performance I love is getting bashed by critics, bloggers and the racist Academy, I won't shut up about what an injustice it is and just how great it actually is. I did it last year when J. Hud got bashed by everyone on the internet and I will do it again.

Kathy Causes Controversy and J. Hud Has a New Movie!

A couple of days ago, I reported that Kathy Griffin won a Creative Arts Emmy for her reality show My Life on the D-List. Well, apparently, Kathy made some comments in her acceptance speech that has sparked a controversy. According to IMDb, Kathy said in her speech, "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now." Now, the Catholic League is demanding an apology and claiming these remarks are "hate speech." Kathy apparently replied, "Am I the only Catholic left with a sense of humor?"

I know this isn't a good thing, but I can't help but feel proud for Kathy Griffin. She's finally gotten involved in an A-List controversy! Plus, I think "Suck it, Jesus" is one of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. Who else but her would have the balls to say that at the Emmy's?
According to Variety, Jennifer Hudson has joined the cast of the new Sex and the City movie. She will play the assistant to Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw. I've never seen an episode of Sex and the City, but I will definitely be at this movie just to see my beloved J. Hud. I hope the role is amazing and she will get to prove her nay-sayers wrong!

It's also J. Hud's birthday today. Happy 26th Jennifer!

It's Britney's Comeback, Bitch

I'm just speechless after witnessing the biggest atrocity to mankind since the Idol Gives Back special last April: the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. From beginning to end, the show was one complete and utter mess. The performances were lousy, the teleprompters kept fucking up and they got rid of all the awards. Thank God the thing only lasted two hours.

The show started right away with the mega-hyped comeback of Britney Spears. Now, I've been waiting for this all day and have been annoying my friends by counting down until it happened ("Guys, only 3 hours until Britney's comeback!"). So when it came....let's just say I was horrified. I wanted so much for her to do well and silence all the nay-sayers, but her performance was just awful. I figured she would lip-sync, but I didn't figure she would lip-sync so terribly; her mouth hardly even moved! I could forgive her this if she was dancing like hell, but she didn't even do that! Britney looked so awkward on stage, almost like she had never done it before, and she didn't really dance- she just kind of posed and swayed a little bit. The only good thing about the performance was the reaction shots of the stars in the audience: Rihanna basically laughing her ass off and 50 Cent wondering what the hell was going on. No matter how you looked at it, the Britney comeback was a disaster and she's going to have to overcome even more shit to return to her former glory.

But it's not like the rest of the Video Music Awards was any better. Sarah Silverman completely bombed after Britney. Justin Timberlake won like everything he was nominated for. Alicia Keys sounded horrible during the first half of her performance (the second half wasn't too bad). The lovely and talented MJB (Mary J. Blige) sounded almost retarded because of the screwy teleprompters. The only "good" things of the night were the brief appearance of my girl J. Hud who presented the "Best Quadruple Threat Award" (which is a hoot because she should have the won the damn thing hands down), the 45 second performance of Rihanna singing "Umbrella" during Chris Brown's performance (which wasn't bad except for the fact that it didn't seem to go together at all) and the final performance with Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Nelly Furtado (which, in other years, probably would have been mediocre, but because everything sucked this year, it was easily the Best in Show). While the premise of this year's show seemed fresh and new, it was still the lame awards show that it has been for the past few years. It's a shame, because the VMA's could be really amazing instead of dreadfully boring.

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Supporting Actress

And the nominees are...

Lindsay Beamish, Shortbus

Beamish masterfully takes a one-note caricature joke (a dominatrix) and turns her into a real human being. Bravo to you.

Key Scene: Admitting her real name

Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

She’s bright, cute as a button and hilarious, but above all, Breslin is a natural on-screen and should soon overtake Dakota Fanning as the most wanted child star in Hollywood.

Key Scene: “I eat ice cream”

Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

What more can I say? A powerful performance with passionate vocals and the dramatic chops to match. A very rare occurrence indeed.

Key Scene: “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”

Ashley Johnson, Fast Food Nation

Johnson lights up the screen in every frame she appears in with her youthful exuberance and passion for living- which only makes her realization at the end of the film all the more affecting.

Key Scene: Setting the cows free

Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

Kikuchi produces the only real full-fledged “character” to emerge from the lowest depth of humanity known as Babel and, consequently, makes us feel for her character using only gestures, uninhibited sign language and her eyes.

Key Scene: Baring her soul to the police officer

If Only There Were Six: Frances McDormand in Friends With Money: her diva antics made my day

Rest of the Top Ten: Carmen Maura, Volver: brilliantly shows both the wonderful and tough things about motherhood...Jill Clayburgh, Running With Scissors: her moments of brilliance made the film much better...Lola Dueñas, Volver: funny and touching in an unexpected way...Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal: matched Dame Judi every step of the way and, of course, "Here I am!"

BRONZE
Ashley Johnson, Fast Food Nation
SILVER
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
GOLD
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Diva

And the nominees are...

Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette

In this environment of scrumptous food, fabulous gowns and to-die-for shoes, there's no doubt that Marie Antoinette would have been a major diva bitch and Kiki Dunst fits that mold perfectly.

Jennifer Hudson as Effie White in Dreamgirls

My girl Effie is a diva after my own heart (before she's even famous, she turns down a paying gig becuase she "don't do 'oohs' and 'aahs'.") and that MLK line will never get old.

Frances McDormand as Jane in Friends With Money

McDormand's Jane feels like a lot of the divas I personally know (my mother, my friend Christi's mother and grammy) when she grumbles about the awful service in that restaurant.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada

She scares to shit out of everyone and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. I wanted to sign up for the "Miranda Priestly School of Bitchiness" the minute she first evily glared at Anne Hathaway's Andy.

Mark Wahlberg as Sgt. Dignam in The Departed

He steals scenes better than anyone I've ever seen and the way he is such an asshole to everyone (love that "Don't you know any fucking Shakespeare?" line to DiCaprio in the beginning) is a lesson for every diva in training.

Runners Up: Annette Bening brought her whole diva aura to Running With Scissors and made it a much better film than it should have...Fiona Shaw was so over-the-top in The Black Dahlia and, consequently, so hilarious, that she almost made Faye Dunaway's Joan Crawford seem subtle...Julianne Moore made a real diva entrance like the true pro that she is in Children of Men.

BRONZE
Mark Wahlberg
SILVER
Jennifer Hudson
GOLD
Meryl Streep

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Scene

And the nominees are...

Borat: Naked Fight

This shouldn't have been so funny, but I laughed really hard throughout this entire scene and nearly peed myself.

Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

I applauded. I shouted. I almost cried tears of joy. J. Hud sings the hell out of this song and, consequently, became an Oscar winner.

Little Miss Sunshine: The Dance

Even doing the raunchiest dance moves, Breslin is still so damn cute. How is this possible?

Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation

Blanchett with mascara running down from her eyes, a couple of bitch slaps, that "Virginia bloody Woolf" line and, of course, "HERE I AM!"- it's damn hard to top this soon-to-be classic camp moment.

United 93: Fighting Back

The movie was kind of slow until this edge-of-your-seat ending. It takes a lot of skill to make a scene this suspenseful when you know the ending already.

Runners Up: Marie Antoinette: Marie's Arrival at the Palace- I gasped out loud at the visual splendor of this moment; all the elements together like a rich, detailed painting...Jesus Camp: Heil Bush- So scary I nearly shat myself...Happy Feet: Mumble's Birth/First Tap Dance- I went "awww" about 53 times in this scene alone

BROZNE
United 93: Fighting Back
SILVER
Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation
GOLD
Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Breakthrough Performance

And the nominees are...

Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine

Breslin, the anti-Dakota Fanning, focuses on just being a kid and having a fun time with this role. Bonus points for being just plain adorable.

Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat

In the matter of months, Cohen went from being unrecognizable to one of the most reveared comedians of the decade with the strength of this film and performance.

Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Who would have guessed that this American Idol cast-off would come out of nowhere and blow us all away with her miraculous voice and volcanic performance?

Rinko Kikuchi in Babel

The only bright spot in Babel, Kikuchi impressively takes the stereotypical disabled role and transforms it into something lovely...not bad for this young of a performer.

Channing Tatum in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and Step Up

In Step Up, Channing Tatum showed he had promise as an actor and only needed the right role to be great. In Saints, Tatum followed through on this promise and gave one of the most exciting (and unexpected) performances of the year.

Runners Up: As the lonely dominatrix, Lindsay Beamish in Shortbus is the best of that film's impressive young cast...Ashley Johnson in Fast Food Nation earns best in show honors in a film brimming with established stars

BRONZE

Channing Tatum

SILVER

Sacha Baron Cohen

GOLD

Jennifer Hudson