Top 10 Albums of 2009

Erik Hassle
Hassle
Scandinavian import Erik Hassle's debut album didn't break new ground, but Hassle was a solid, immediately enjoyable album. There's a lot of promise here and so many directions Hassle can take his sound, so I'll be anxiously awaiting whatever comes next.
Key Tracks: 'Don't Bring Flowers,' 'Hurtful,' 'All That I Wanted Was You'


Little Boots
Hands
Everytime I listen to Hands, I kick myself for not listening to it more often. The album doesn't quite linger like I would like it to, but there's no denying the power and originality of the songs. Of the many nouveau-80's music acts around these days (not that I'm complaining), Little Boots seems to be one of the few who is looking ahead as well.
Key Tracks: 'Remedy,' 'Love Kills,' 'Meddle'


Lily Allen
It's Not Me, It's You
As a fan of Lily's debut album Alright, Still, I was excited to find that It's Not Me, It's You retained her trademark dark sense of humor but allowed her sound to mature in unexpected ways. I'm still not sure what genre I would classify Lily in (pop? indie? soft rock?) but I doubt that even matters; she sounds fantastic when not stuck in a box.
Key Tracks: 'The Fear,' 'Fuck You,' 'Chinese'


Paloma Faith
Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
Well, this was a pleasant surprise. Based on the overly precious and quirky album cover, I wasn't expecting much from Ms. Faith, but I'll be damned if she didn't completely sucker me in on the first listen. With her neo-60's soul sound, I suspect she'll be making music I want to listen to for years to come.
Key Tracks: 'New York,' 'Play On,' 'Stone Cold Sober'


Shakira
She Wolf
Not quite Laundry Service, but an excellent collection of songs, led by the batshit crazy title song, that practically scream "Shakira" with their oddly clever lyrics and indescribable vocals.
Key Tracks: 'Spy,' 'She Wolf,' 'Did It Again'


Natalie Imbruglia
Come to Life
There's nothing I love more than when pop stars get personal on their album. Usually, they are big a "fuck you" to anyone who has done them wrong and who doesn't love that. Natalie Imbruglia, on the other hand, explores the pain and heartbreak of her recent divorce on Come to Life. Talk about uncomfortable. Fortunately, however, the music is never uncomfortable to listen to for Imbruglia is careful to craft beautiful music around her emotions. An impressive "comeback" from our one-time One Hit Wonder.
Key Tracks: 'Fun,' 'Want,' 'Lukas'


La Roux
La Roux
Listening to La Roux's debut album is like being transported to LA in the 1980's. For some, this may be their idea of hell. I, on the other hand, couldn't think of anything better. What's so impressive about this album is that they are so unapologetic about their love for 80's synth pop. And, by some odd miracle, lead singer Elly Jackson's blankly robotic voice is able to emote better than nearly every "real" singer American Idol has ever produced. Please, La Roux, don't ever give up the good fight for 80's synth pop!
Key Tracks: 'Bulletproof,' 'Armour Love,' 'Reflections Are Protection'


Lady GaGa
The Fame Monster
Within the span of 12 months, Lady GaGa grew into a pop artist of incredible maturity. The Fame Monster only has eight tracks, but damn what an amazing group of eight tracks they are. We are all living in GaGa's world know and, you know, I think that's something I can live with.
Key Tracks: 'Bad Romance,' 'Dance in the Dark,' 'Telephone'


Demi Lovato
Here We Go Again
Speaking of maturity, can you believe that Her We Go Again came from not only an underage artist, but a Disney one at that? Constantly pushing the boundaries, creatively and vocally, Demi Lovato has become quite the powerhouse for a 17-year old. Listen how she emotes the loneliness and aching during the opening verse of 'Falling Over Me.' Again, and I hate to sound like an American Idol judge but 17 YEARS OLD. This is Demi, bitch, and Miley better watch her back because there's a new teen queen ready to take her throne.
Key Tracks: 'Every Time You Lie,' 'Remember December,' 'U Got Nothin' On Me'


Rihanna
Rated R
I'm just gonna say it: Rihanna's Rated R is probably the greatest synthesis of urban and rock music since Aerosmith and Run DMC's 'Walk This Way.' And, given the situation she's been through this year, it's no wonder she went for a darker, harder sound after the pop sensation that was Good Girl Gone Bad. Rihanna's operatic tribute to the glory of violence, guns and stupidity is light years ahead of anything in pop music today, so it's probably no surprise that album has done poorly sales wise. This is her My December, the darker follow-up to a singles-driven monster of an album and the one she will be remembered for.
Key Tracks: 'Fire Bomb,' 'Stupid in Love,' 'Rockstar 101'

Top 50 Singles of 2009

We've come to the end of yet another not so glorious year so what better way to say "fuck off" to a terrible year then to celebrate the best singles of the year. While I've complained throughout the year that 2009 has been a terrible year for albums, the same can't be said for its singles. There were a plethora of fantastic songs to choose from and what a decision it became! Even if the choice seems fairly obviously, it became an epic month-long struggle to choose my number one song; at least seven songs were in contention at some point. And, as the list went down, it became harder and harder to pick what went on and what had to be forced off. In a weaker year, many of my runners-up would be serious contenders for the Top 20. Many thanks to Dave, Kameron, JD and Glenn for continuing to spread the good word of pop music and telling me what to listen to. I hope you enjoy this list and please feel free to let me know what you think.

The 10 Runners-Up: P!nk 'Sober' | Alexandra Burke featuring Flo-Rida 'Bad Boys' | Britney Spears '3' | Kelly Clarkson 'My Life Would Suck Without You' | Leighton Meester featuring Robin Thicke 'Somebody to Love' | Star Pilots 'In the Heat of the Night' | Demi Lovato 'Here We Go Again' | Blake Lewis 'Heartbreak on Vinyl' | Beyoncé featuring Lady GaGa 'Video Phone' (Extended Remix) | Lady GaGa 'Lovegame'

50. Disney's Friends for Change [Demi Lovato, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus & Selena Gomez] 'Send It On'
The ultimate guilty pleasure of the year. It's so, so bad but so, so good at the same time. If nothing else, 'Send It On' proves that 2009 was the year of Demi Lovato.
49. Cascada 'Evacuate the Dancefloor'
48. Sugababes 'About a Girl'
47. Jay-Z featuring Rihanna and Kanye West 'Run This Town'
46. Cheryl Cole 'Fight For This Love'
45. Jennifer Hudson 'If This Isn't Love'
44. Britney Spears 'If U Seek Amy'
43. Agnes 'I Need You Now' (UK Radio Edit)
The album version was mediocre at best but the radio edit is simply glorious. Let's hope that Agnes' impending US debut makes her as big of a star as she deserves to be.
42. Alphabeat 'The Spell'
41. Shakira 'Did It Again'

40. Dolly Rockers 'Gold Digger'
Have you been Dolly Rockered yet? I know I was the instant I heard this track.
39. Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys 'Empire State of Mind'
38. VV Brown 'LEAVE!'
37. Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester 'Good Girls Go Bad'
I wouldn't have cared if Leighton Meester wasn't featured here. In much the same way Rihanna did on 'Run This Town' and 'Live Your Life,' Meester completely steals the track from Cobra Starship and makes it all about her. If this is any indication, 2010 should be a great year for her.
36. Darin 'Viva la Vida'
35. David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland 'When Love Takes Over'
34. Röyksopp featuring Robyn 'The Girl and the Robot'
33. Kings of Leon 'Use Somebody'
32. Taylor Swift 'You Belong With Me' (Pop Remix)
31. Erik Hassle 'Don't Bring Flowers'

30. Taylor Swift 'Love Story' (Pop Remix)
29. Demi Lovato 'Remember December'
28. MPHO 'Box N Locks'
27. David Archuelta 'Touch My Hand'
26. Pixie Lott 'Boys and Girls'
25. Mini Viva 'I Wish' (Cahill Radio Edit)
As if the Xenomania-produced wasn't amazing enough, the Cahill Mix turns the epicness of 'I Wish' to 11.
24. Keri Hilson featuring Kanye West and Ne-Yo 'Knock You Down'
23. A.R. Rahman and the Pussycat Dolls 'Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny)'
This was the version that should have won the Oscar.
22. VV Brown 'Shark in the Water'
21. Beyoncé 'Sweet Dreams'

20. Mariah Carey 'Obsessed'
Mariah's dismissal of Eminem was by far more creative than anything Eminem has done in more than five years. "You're a mom and pop/I'm a corporation" is still one of the best insults I've ever heard.
19. Frankmusik '3 Little Words'
18. Girls Aloud 'The Loving Kind'
17. V Factory 'Love Struck'
16. Freemasons featuring Sophie Ellis-Bextor 'Heartbreak (Make Me a Dancer)'
15. Jordin Sparks 'Battlefield'
14. Jonas Brothers 'Paranoid'
The Jo Bros grow up and deliver their cleverest pop song yet. A song about the pitfalls of celebrity that isn't whiny or "oh, pity me and my horrible life" after about thirty seconds.
13. Miley Cyrus 'Party in the USA'
Miley does it again! After the insipidness of 'The Climb,' she came back with this song and proved that she is the go-to girl for turning stupid-sounding lyrics into pop gold.
12. Natalie Imbruglia 'Want'
11. La Roux 'In for the Kill'

10. Jesse McCartney 'How Do You Sleep'
As I said before when I named 'How Do You Sleep' the 82nd best song of the decade, it is the epitome of summer jams. The song's message may not be especially "laid back," but Jesse's breezy delivery makes it feel that way.
9. Lady GaGa 'Paparazzi'
Need more proof that GaGa was the woman of 2009? 'Paparazzi,' a legitimate contender for best song of the year in any other year, is only the first of three GaGa songs in the Top 10. Excessive? Yes. But would the GaGa really have it any other way?
8. Shakira 'She Wolf'
Who else but Shakira would be insane enough to use not only the word "lycanthropy" in a pop song as casually as it was "love" or "heart" but also a wolf howl (a WOLF HOWL!) over the chorus? Bonus points for having the best non-GaGa music video of the year.
7. Little Boots 'Remedy'
It took me awhile to get into 'Remedy,' but once I did, I was addicted like that chick who huffed electronic dusting spray on Intervention.
6. Agnes 'Release Me'
I fell in love with Agnes and her 90's power-pop throwback 'Release Me' at first listen.
5. La Roux 'Bulletproof'
If Agnes brought 90's pop music back, La Roux made 80's synth pop relevant again.
4. Lady GaGa 'Poker Face'
Who knew that "Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-poker face" would be the most addictive hook of the year?
3. Girls Aloud 'Untouchable' (Album Version)
Mark my words: In ten years, after the "OMG what a failure!" hysteria has died down, this and 'Biology' will be the songs Girls Aloud are remembered for.
2. Leona Lewis 'Run'
Technically this was released in the US in December of last year, but it's my list and I didn't discover it until this year anyways.
1. Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'
Epic. Probably the most epic American song since Celine's 'It's All Coming Back to Me Now.' Lady GaGa already knew how to make catchy simple pop songs, but 'Bad Romance' adds an emotional, almost psychotic, desperation to that final minute that instantly turns the song into a classic. If this is where Lady GaGa is heading in the future, there is absolutely no way I am going to miss out on what she has to offer next.

Top 100 Songs of the 2000's: #100-81

Well, my readers, we're getting to that point. The decade is drawing to a close and it's time to start unveiling "Best of" lists by the score. Of course, I will be jumping on this bandwagon and offering my opinion on the best albums (already in progress with a new installment soon), films and, starting now, songs (a couple others may pop up depending on time restrictions). As I mentioned before, I am not a music critic. Unlike with movies, I don't have refined, highbrow taste; I know what I like and that's usually ridiculous, poppy-as-music-can-get pop music (I've literally said before, "If you want poetry, listen to Bob Dylan. But if you want to shake your ass, listen to Fergie. And that's okay by me"). So, naturally, that posed a problem for me: how do I approach this list? Should I go with sentimental favorites? Pop tracks that even non-pop fans might enjoy? The "best" of what pop had to offer this decade? After some soul searching, I decided to combine all three, hopefully creating a good mix of legitimately great songs with ones that I'm personally attached to for reasons beyond "greatness." I'm giving you fair warning so if you don't like pop music, please don't leave a comment saying something along the lines of, "THIS LIST SUCKS! What about *insert random British indie band that only 5 people have heard of, Girls Aloud mocks in 'Hoxton Heroes' and makes me sound like a pretentious twat*????"

So, without further ado, here's Part 1 of my Top 100 Songs of the 2000's:

100. Ashlee Simpson 'La La'
2005. From Autobiography
What better way to start off the countdown then with the decade's one and only true masterpiece of pop trash. Ashlee Simpson is the triple threat of badness (can't sing, can't act, can't dance) so it seems fitting that she achieves so much with 'La La,' a song with hilarious "so subtle they're not subtle anymore" lyrics ("You make me wanna la la/In the kitchen, on the floor") and obvious innuendo (Gee, I wonder what "la la" is referencing...). Only Ashlee, in all of her awful glory, could make this song work in all the wrong ways.


99. Phantom Planet 'California'
2004. From The Guest
Hate or love The O.C., everyone knows this song, or, at the very least, the infamous "California, here we come" line. Who knew that something so simple could define not only an entire TV show but also said show's devoted following?






98. La Roux 'Bulletproof'
2009. From La Roux
Who would have guessed that one of the most new, refreshing and forward-sounding artists of the decade would be this Neo-80's Synth Pop group? It's a tough call between this one and 'In for the Kill,' but 'Bulletproof' was my first exposure and immediately cemented my love for La Roux.





97. DJ Sammy & Yanou featuring Do 'Heaven'
2002. From Heaven
If nothing else, DJ Sammy proved that shitty Bryan Adams songs could be turned into addictive dance club staples. There's hope for you yet, 'Everything I Do (I Do It For You).'






96. Dream 'He Loves U Not'
2000. From It Was All a Dream At the height of this song's popularity, I thought Dream was going to be around for forever. Who knew that after their second single, 'This Is Me,' Dream would be no more? Oh well. At least we'll always have this insanely catch pop number to remember the good times.






95. Sean Paul 'Get Busy'
2003. From Dutty Rock
Sean Paul is usually bearable in small doses (Beyoncé's 'Baby Boy' and Blu Cantrell's 'Breathe' come to mind) but I find him to be generally awful. The stars aligned, however, for a brief moment in 2003 with this explosive, unrelenting dancehall track.





94. Michelle Williams 'We Break the Dawn'
2008. From Unexpected
Beyoncé may have hogged all the attention after the break-up of Destiny's Child, but eternal third-wheel Michelle Williams had at least one stunner of a track buried up her sleeve on her first non-Christian solo album. It's a shame (and somewhat surprising) that this song never caught on with American audiences. T-Pain can have five #1's yet 'We Break the Dawn' can't even get a little love?



93. Martina McBride 'Where Would You Be'
2002. From Greatest Hits
One of the most underrated belters in all of music really belts it out in this ode to love gone awry. Martina may be country, but her pure vocals and the raw emotion of this song quickly make you forget those negative connotations.





92. Brandy 'Full Moon'
2002. From Full Moon
Right before Brandy became almost irrelevant on the pop music scene (she has apparently made some great albums afterwards but I haven't bothered listening to them), she left us with this smooth and sexy R&B track, proving that sometimes the most rewarding songs are the ones that make it seem effortless.





91. Sophie Ellis-Bextor 'Murder on the Dancefloor'
2001. From Read My Lips
My first exposure to SEB before I really knew who she was. She may have produced technically superior work afterwards, but there's something about the relative simplicity and repetitiveness of 'Murder on the Dancefloor' that sticks with me above anything else.




90. Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse 'Valerie'
2007. From Version
As if all of their epic collaborations on Back to Black weren't enough, Ronson and Winehouse teamed up one more time for Ronson's Version in 2007 and produced this soulful cover of The Zutons' original. The end result is further proof that Winehouse's two year long drug-induced haze is one of the decade's biggest tragedies.





89. Jennifer Lopez featuring Styles P and Jadakiss 'Jenny From the Block'
2002. From This Is Me...Then
To prove how real and humble she is, J. Lo wrote a song about how she's real "even on Oprah." I think it goes without saying that 'Jenny From the Block' only proves how high in the clouds she is. But that's okay- I wouldn't have my divas any other way.



88. Fergie 'London Bridge'
2006. From The Dutchess
So out there lyrically and stylistically I pretty much did a double take the first time I heard it; did she really just say that. Hell yes she did and it soon became apparent who the real driving force behind the Black Eyed Peas' recent success was. Oh shit indeed.






87. Madonna 'Hung Up'
2005. From Confessions on a Dancefloor
Only Madonna could turn an untouchable ABBA hook into one of the decade's greatest Europop numbers. The fact that this song was a monster hit in every country in the world except the USA is still a major embarrassment.





86. Girls Aloud 'Something Kinda Ooooh'
2006. From The Sound of Girls Aloud
Most artists couldn't have made this song's wacky, onomatopoeia-filled chorus sound like anything other than complete and utter gibberish. Girls Aloud, however, aren't most artists and turn 'Something Kinda Ooooh' into a ridiculously addictive ridiculous pop gem.





85. Mary J. Blige 'Family Affair'
2001. From No More Drama
Now this is my jam! MJB was a success on the urban charts for close to a decade before this massive crossover hit, but 'Family Affair' proved that she could hang with both sides and still be true to herself. The song may not be as deep and emotionally resonant as some of her other great songs ('I'm Goin' Down,' 'No More Drama') but this one is simply damn fun.





84. M.I.A. 'Paper Planes'
2008. From Kala
If I could say one thing nice about Slumdog Millionaire, it's that it finally made me understand the genius of this M.I.A. track. I really have no idea what's it about but the combination of cash register sound effects and the line "Third world democracy/I've got more records than the KGB" make this song truly epic.





83. Christian Falk featuring Robyn 'Dream On'
2006. From People Say
Right before Robyn returned to the top of the charts around the world (except for the US, natch), she was featured on this slick, beat heavy, ultimately weird song about personal safety and security in the modern world (Yeah, I know. Who knew such an odd topic would make such a fascinating song?).





82. Jesse McCartney 'How Do You Sleep'
2009. From Departure
One of the best pure pop songs on this lists. With its chill, laid back groove, 'How Do You Sleep' is the perfect summer song to jam along to in the car with the windows rolled down.








81. Alesha Dixon 'The Boy Does Nothing'
2008. From The Alesha Show
Everytime I hear the opening outburst of "I've got a man with two left feet," I have to immediately stop whatever I'm doing and sing this song at the top of my lungs. Alesha's vibrant energy shines through impeccably on this single, proving that she could be a pop powerhouse in the coming years.

One of These is a British, Nouveau 80's Synth Pop Singer. The Other is Zac Efron.

Can you tell the difference?