A Look at the VMA's Best Female Video

Confession time: I'm a bit of an awards nerd. Yes, okay, I realize this not a huge surprise coming from me as I follow the Oscar race all year long. But there is a difference between loving the Oscars, which many ordinarily rational people do, and loving the MTV Video Music Awards, which is certifiably insane. The VMAs are completely silly and the winners are often times arbitrary as hell, but I can't help loving them and using them as a guidepost for discovering fascinating videos I never would have known about otherwise. My favorite category is, not surprisingly, Best Female Video, a category which has given Madonna 12 nominations over the years and regularly nominated Britney, Janet, Paula Abdul, Beyoncé and many other fabulous artists. I like this category so much I thought it would be fun to go through some of the big contenders and see how they stack up against each other. It's a completely futile task but, hey, I think it's rather fun to through them.

The Top 5

Lady Gaga

"Born This Way"

2/3 Noms/1 Win

In Her Favor: Have you noticed that Gaga is the biggest popstar on the planet right now? She easily swept last year's VMAs and, judging from the reception the Born This Way singles have gotten, her dominance should continue this year.

But: The video, die hard stans aside, went over like a lead balloon. Will this deter her less emotionally invested fans?

 

Katy Perry

"Firework"

3 Noms/0 Wins

In Her Favor: "Firework" was a monster "It Gets Better" anthem that, months later, is still being used exhaustively in movie trailer after movie trailer. The song has resonated with a lot of people and proved it has staying power. Plus, if she does get her fourth nomination, odds are that she will win; Christina Aguilera is the only artist with four or more nominations and no win.

But: By the time the VMAs actually air, "Firework" will be close to a year old. And will the spectacular "E.T." video siphon any votes?

 

Britney Spears

"Hold It Against Me"

5 Noms/1 Win

In Her Favor: Not only is Britney the undisputed Queen of Pop in Madonna's absence, but "Hold It Against Me" shot straight to the top of the charts when it was released. Britney is at the top of her form.

But: The video wasn't well received, even among her massive supporters

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Rihanna featuring Drake

"What's My Name?"

2 Noms/0 Wins

In Her Favor: Now that her dark, "uncommercial" Rated R era is over, expect the VMAs to embrace her once again. And how else to reward Rihanna's "return" than by honoring her most commercial song since Good Girl Gone Bad.

But: Like "Firework," "What's My Name?" will have been out for nearly a year by the time of the VMAs. Plus, could the much louder "S&M" video make an appearance?

Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull

"On the Floor"

3 Noms/0 Wins

In Her Favor: J. Lo, thanks in part to her new gig on American Idol, has once again reclaimed her throne as America's Sweetheart.

But: Her last nomination was in 2003. As she sings in the beginning of "On the Floor," "it's a new generation." Can this diva still compete with the kiddies?

In the Running:

Nicki Minaj

"Super Bass"

0 Noms

In Her Favor: She the year's hottest artist, crafting her own unique image in the male-dominated rap industry with a fanbase as diverse and strange as she is.

But: Nicki is incredibly famous but it doesn't really feel like she's had her own massive hit to match the hype, does it?

Adele

"Rolling in the Deep"

0 Noms

In Her Favor: Adele's 21 just spent her fifteenth non-consecutive week at #1 in the UK while hitting #1 with both her album and this song here in America. This line-up feels like it is missing a real critical darling/vocal powerhouse.

But: Can't you just imagine 15 year olds giving a collective shrug or, even worse, a "Who?" when someone mentions Adele? Sad but it has been known to happen.

Taylor Swift

"Back to December"

2 Noms/1 Win

In Her Favor: Kanyegate got her a second nomination last year. Do they still feel bad for that incident? "Back to December" is her most recent offering and it's a much more memorable jam than what got her nominated last time ("Fifteen").

But: Not that it truly matters, even though it should, the "Back to December" video is horrendous. Besides, how long can MTV make amends for The Incident before we're all ready to move on?

P!nk

"Raise Your Glass"

1 Nom/1 Win

In Her Favor: Another massive "It Gets Better" anthem. P!nk proved once again that can she still rock out in an era of Ke$has and Katy Perrys.

But: Doesn't it feel like P!nk should have a lot more than one nomination? Maybe they're just not that into her.

Ke$ha

"Blow"

1 Nom/0 Wins

In Her Favor: A wonderful James Van Der Beek cameo made this the first Ke$ha video to truly encapsulate her strange persona in visual form.

But: The song wasn't as big as "We R Who We R" or her other hits from the first album. Will people care enough about this song in a couple months?

Never Say Never:

Beyoncé

"Run the World (Girls)"

5 Noms/2 Wins

In Her Favor: The video hasn't premiered yet, but B is always a threat in this category. She amassed her 5 noms in an eight year span; only Madonna did it quicker.

But: The song FLOPPED. Will a second single materialize before the eligibility field is closed?

Jessie J featuring B.O.B.

"Price Tag"

0 Noms

In Her Favor: She'd be the critical darling of the category.

But: Who? Was "Price Tag" big enough to earn her a spot with such megastars as Gaga and Britney?

Keri Hilson

"Pretty Girl Rock"

0 Noms

In Her Favor: The category is severely lacking in some R&B divas.

But: "Pretty Girl Rock" hasn't exactly been burning up the charts, has it? And if she couldn't get in for "Knock You Down," chances are she won't for this.

Selena Gomez & The Scene

"Who Says"

0 Noms

In Her Favor: While Miley has gone and pissed on the pop community, Selena has embraced it. Britney is contributing to her next album.

But: "Who Says" isn't a major hit. There are still a lot of people who don't know her at all or just know her as Justin Bieber's girlfriend.

Top 100 Songs of the 2000's: #20-1

Previous installments: #100-81 #80-61 #60-41 #40-21

20. Jessica Simpson 'I Think I'm In Love With You'
2000. From Sweet Kisses.

Of the four teen pop princesses who emerged in 1999-2000, Jessica Simpson (along with Brit, Xtina and Mandy Moore) gets the least amount of respect these days. I find it a shame that she's nothing more than tabloid fodder because underneath all of the Newlyweds, "dumb blonde" foolishness, there's a legitimate talent. When she gets a great pop song, she nails it (see also: 'A Little Bit,' 'With You,' 'Irresistible'). 'I Think I'm In Love With You,' sampling the fantastic hook from John Cougar Mellencamp's 'Jack & Diane,' is the perfect pop song, the embodiment of how I want to feel when I fall in love with someone. I want to sing that big note without a care in the world. One more than one occasion I've said that I love this song more than nearly every member of my extended family; it's still true and probably always will be.



19. Leona Lewis 'Run'
2008/9. From Spirit.

My only gripe with Britpop of the 2000's, a decade which saw the Brits deliver consistently more clever and creative pop music than us lazy Americans, is the way they constantly cover pop songs that had no business being covered (and the fact that they get to #1 again and again at an alarming rate). Just think of all Christmas #1's, X-Factor finalists/winners and charity singles that hit the top of the chart and then were quietly forgotten two weeks later. One of the very few exceptions to this rule is Leona Lewis's 'Run,' a cover of Snow Patrol's so-indie-it-hurts ballad. Leona turned this dire song into one of the biggest and most emotive power ballads since Celine Dion's heyday. Now, this how you cover a song.



18. Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'
2009. From The Fame Monster.

A future classic. 'Bad Romance' is the moment everyone realized that GaGa wasn't fucking around.









17. Robyn featuring Kleerup 'With Every Heartbeat'
2008. From Robyn.

Whenever I hear some annoying twat complain about how shallow pop music is (especially in comparison with whatever precious indie shit they adore), I, first of all, want to shake them. After that, I would tell them to listen to Robyn's 'With Every Heartbeat,' a searing, unconventional portrait of a broken heart that is unashamed of its pop roots. The way she repeats "And it hurts with every heartbeat" over and over at the end is more emotive and real than all of your "real" music put together.




16. Destiny's Child 'Say My Name'
2000. From The Writing's on the Wall.

America's premiere girl group bounced right back from the nasty departure of two of its members with 'Say My Name,' the song that solidified their then-burgeoning fame. I simply adore the way this song plays around with tempo and pacing, oscillating back and forth, constantly surprising with what's coming next. Bonus points for that iconic music video--which girl's room do you want to be in?





15. Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland 'SexyBack'
2006. From FutureSex/LoveSounds.

This song should have gotten old quickly. Thankfully, it hasn't. I can still listen to JT's sexy growling and Timbaland's constant "Yup!" and never get sick of it.








14. Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z 'Crazy in Love'
2003. From Dangerously in Love.

I don't fall head over heels in love with a song on first listen, but 'Crazy in Love' had me right from that opening trumpet wail. Beyoncé always had star power--'Crazy in Love' just proved that she had the ability to take over the pop world. Seven years later, we are still captivated by her.






13. Leona Lewis 'Bleeding Love'
2008. From Spirit.

My God, those lyrics! I simply can't get over how rich, emotive and surprisingly dark they are, even after hearing this song approximately 1400 times since its American debut in the spring of 2008. But this isn't the song's sole claim to success. Jesse McCartney, one of the song's co-writers, sang a version of it, but it never worked for me. Leona has this amazing knack to emote on my exact emotional level at all times. She turns 'Bleeding Love' from a great poem to an amazing musical experience.





12. Girls Aloud 'Sexy! No No No...'
2007. From Tangled Up.

The first Girls Aloud song I ever heard. What a way to start, hm? I love the absolutely relentless beat that gets heavier and heavier as the song moves along. It's so f-ing addictive, and I'm sure it is what made me a Girls Aloud convert right from the get-go (the insane punctuation in the song title sure didn't hurt either).






11. Mariah Carey 'We Belong Together'
2005. From The Emancipation of Mimi.

The moment America seemed to remember how much they truly loved Mariah after all those years of calling her crazy and washed up. I loved Mariah, even during those dark years (I still think Charmbracelet is an underrated album), but 'We Belong Together' reaffirmed those feelings like a renewal of marriage vows. A couple times a year, some R&B songstress tries to come out with a smooth R&B slow jam and try to out-Mariah Mariah. A couple times a year, those songs fail. No one does 'We Belong Together'-style balladeering better than the originator.





10. Kylie Minogue 'Love at First Sight'
2002. From Fever.

The idea of "love at first sight" is technically not a very groundbreaking concept in pop music. With 'Love at First Sight,' however, Kylie is able to capture that emotion like it was a startling breakthrough. In much the same way 'I Think I'm In Love With You' does, 'Love at First Sight' relates an idea or feeling that you hope to experience someday. Only pop music, I feel, has the power to take some emotion so mundane and make it completely zesty.




9. Ciara 'Like a Boy'
2007. From The Evolution.

Ciara stands up to all the wannabe gangsters and tough thugs in one of the cleverest take downs of this decade's rap culture...and no one pays attention. Sigh.







8. Missy Elliott 'Work It'
2002. From Under Construction.

This may not be Missy's most accomplished jam (which sounds like complaining about your least favorite track on Blackout), but it's the one I'm most fond of even after all these years. 'Work It' is Missy at the height of her powers, when she was making music for herself and having a damn good time doing it. The great thing was, everyone else was enjoying it too. 'Work It' was popular among my group of friends in high school, and I remember often talking about how insane and in-your-face this song is--especially that epic lyric in reverse during the chorus.






7. Amy Winehouse 'Rehab'
2006/7. From Back to Black.

Come back to the music world, Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse. This place simply isn't the same since your hasty, drug-induced departure. Who else but Amy Winehouse can make a song about refusing to get help for a drinking problem so beautiful and every so slightly sad at the same time (maybe Ke$ha, but less enthusiastically and soulfully)? I will never give up on this woman and her eventual re-ascension to the top of the music world.





6. P!nk 'Just Like a Pill'
2002. From M!ssundaztood.

P!nk's rebellious attitude had become her stock in trade by the time she released this single. Never before had she dabbled in such a dark, eerily moody place as she does in 'Just Like a Pill.' This song is often remembered only as a footnote after the twin mega-successes of 'Get the Party Started' and 'Don't Let Me Get Me,' but 'Just Like a Pill' stands on its own merits and showed the world a side of P!nk that hadn't been seen before.





5. Sugababes 'Push the Button'
2005. From Taller in More Ways.

The sexiest song ever recorded. I wasn't convinced at first, but now I want to make babies to this song.










4. Eve and Gwen Stefani 'Let Me Blow Ya Mind'
2001. From Scorpion.

The best example of post-Spice Girls "Girl Power." Rock and rap collide in this piercing take down of celebrity-hungry culture and rappers more concerned with bling than writing good rhymes. If only more people had paid attention to Eve's warning back in 2001, maybe we wouldn't have had to endure Souljaboy.

P.S. I know every word to this song. It's probably the only rap song I can say that about.





3. Kelly Clarkson 'Since U Been Gone'
2005. From Breakaway.

I'm sure this song is near the top, if not at the top, of everyone else's best of the decade list. But when a song has proven this influential (for good or for bad) and this monumental in such a short span of time, there's nothing left but to give it due credit and follow consensus. Never have I been happier to follow a trend.





2. Girls Aloud 'Biology'
2005. From Chemistry.

I still remember the moment when I realized 'Biology' was one of the greatest songs I had ever heard. I was driving home from work one random night, listening to my Girls Aloud mix CD. I had always liked 'Biology,' but something happened with the song that gave me chills. As weird as it may sound, I felt like I was having some grand epiphany of sorts. This is what pop music is about.

I love the way 'Biology' keeps on playing with your expectations without you even realizing it. The structure doesn't follow the typical verse/bridge/chorus we've come to expect from a three and a half minute pop song. Then, there's the way the first verse builds up to a heated, sexual frenzy, pausing more seductively with each "Closer," only to, for lack of a better expression, give you blue balls with the abstinence-friendly second verse. How many songs do you know that can take you up and then take you down like that all in a matter of seconds?




1. Nelly Furtado 'Say It Right'
2007. From Loose.

Surprised that a semi-serious song from everyone's favorite Canadian warbler is my favorite of the entire decade? I was rather surprised myself when I sat down to make this list that I kept coming back to this one as the song I felt most strongly about, the one that defined the whole decade for me. 'Say It Right' is a perfect, and admittedly strange, combination of mid-90's hip-hop, Eurthymics-style 80's synth pop, late 2000's American pop and East Asian zen. Add to that conflicting pile of influences the fact that I, nor even Nelly herself, knows exactly what this song is about or trying to be about. That hardly matters in the long run, though. When you have a song as mysteriously vague as 'Say It Right,' it's more fun trying to dissect its meaning rather than knowing straight off. For this reason (plus the fact that it's compulsively listenable), 'Say It Right' is officially my favorite song of the 2000's.

Top 100 Songs of the 2000's: #80-61

The countdown continues. For #100-81, click here.

80. Aaliyah 'More Than a Woman'
2002. From Aaliyah.

It figures that as soon as I became interested in Aaliyah's music she was killed in a tragic plane crash just weeks before 9/11. 'More Than a Woman,' her first posthumous hit, may not be her best song, but it's the one I always think of first when I think of her. The song is a fitting tribute to the artist she had grown into and the artists she could have become. RIP Baby Girl.




79. Dixie Chicks 'Landslide'
2002. From Home.

While countless artists over the decade tried their hands at covering previous hits, very few realized that you had to do more than just sing the notes to make it work. The Dixie Chicks understood this when adapting the Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks classic to their signature country sound. And while they stay true to those roots, the Chicks also make it listenable to non-country fans (can you imagine how someone like Gretchen Wilson would have mangled the song's poignant beauty?). For that I'm eternally grateful.





78. Britney Spears 'Stronger'
2000. From Oops!...I Did It Again.

As the third single from her second album, Brit's 'Stronger' was unfortunately forgotten amid her usual controversy-starting antics. Thankfully, the song has recently begun to be reappraised by Brit fans as one of the, er, strongest singles of her career. The song may not have been earthshattering like 'Baby, 'Oops' or 'Slave,' but it's a fun girl power anthem and contains Brit's best vocal performance to date.




77. Justin Timberlake 'Cry Me a River'
2003. From Justified.

And speaking of Britney, JT finally proved his worth as a solo artist with this Timbaland-produced valentine to the woman who completely fucked him over (Or so he says. Funny, he's made two songs about what a whore Britney was yet she's remained mum on the whole situation). Besides starting his winning relationship with producer Timbaland, 'Cry Me a River' also solidified Timberlake as THE male solo artist of the decade and the one R&B singer every young white singer could look up to and emulate.




76. Natasha Bedingfield 'Unwritten'
2006. From Unwritten.

Say what you want about it--and I'll be the first to say that's it's neither the most sophisticated or subtle song ever written--but I find 'Unwritten' to be a wonderful song. I must admit that this is more of a sentimental pick as it became popular around the time I graduated high school and its message was terribly important to me. Plus, if you think about it, there are so many ways its inspirational message could have come off as extremely cheesy (think 'The Climb' or 'No Boundaries').




75. P!nk 'Don't Let Me Get Me'
2002. From M!ssundaztood.

The moment P!nk went from pop star to musical icon speaking directly to and for me. As a 13 year old boy working through his own issues, you can't imagine how glad I was to find such an artist in a genre perhaps best defined by dance songs and love ballads.







74. The Saturdays 'If This Is Love'
2008. From Chasing Lights.

Before The Saturdays (aka "Girls Aloud for the Recession") took a complete nosedive with Wordshaker, they released a slew of bitchin' singles from their debut album. 'If This Is Love,' with its big chorus and addictive "call and response" structure, just happened to be the best of them.






73. Kanye West featuring Daft Punk 'Stronger'
2007. From Graduation.

Never in a million years would have I predicted that combining the 'Jesus Walks' rapper with the electropop group that brought us 'One More Time' would have made something as epic sounding and feeling as 'Stronger.' Say what you want about him after "TaylorGate" a couple of months ago, but I'm glad rap music has someone like Kanye constantly taking risks and pushing his music beyond the limits of the genre. I'd rather have a cocky asshole like Kanye than any of these one-hit-wonders-in-the-making rappers making the dreck on the radio I'm continuously forced to listen to.





72. Beyoncé 'Ring the Alarm'
2006. From B'day.

Beyoncé went from an artist I adored to one I completely worshipped with every new, batshit crazy thing she came up with the moment I heard her sputter out "Ring the alarm/I've been through this too long/But I'll be DAMNED if I see another chick on your arm" in her now infamous "B ain't takin' no bullshit" voice. 'Ring the Alarm' was a turning point in her career and, unfortunately, it was ignored by the public. Let's hope this song gets rediscovered for the gem it truly is.





71. Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams 'Kids'
2000. From Light Years (Kylie), Sing When You're Winning (Robbie)

When two enormous pop stars collaborate on a song, one of two things usually happens: the song is a monster hit ('The Boy Is Mine') or the song is popular for five minutes and then damned to obscurity for all eternity ('Beautiful Liar,' Girls Aloud and 'Babes version of 'Walk This Way'). Thankfully, 'Kids,' the one-time pairing of the two biggest music icons in the non-US world, falls in the former category. I'm not exactly sure what the song is about, but its anthemetic chorus and the way Robbie and Kylie's voices somehow sound made for each other despite being completely different make this one a can't miss.






70. Kelly Clarkson 'Behind These Hazel Eyes'
2005. From Breakaway.

Similar in sound and theme to her mega-smash 'Since U Been Gone,' 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' may seem like a curious and ultra-safe choice as the follow-up single, but I find the song still has merit on its own. While 'Since U Been Gone' celebrated the end of a relationship with a swift kick in the ass and a "Good riddance," 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' is more pensive and acknowledges that, yes, the break-up does hurt. "Here I am, once again/I'm torn into pieces" is still one of the most emotional lines of the decade; it's hard not to feel and understand what she is going through.





69. Jennifer Lopez 'Do It Well'
2007. From Brave.

After years of making great hip-hop influenced pop music, J. Lo capped off an incomparable decade with this final dance masterpiece. The song starts off with a bang--a chorus of "Do it, do it, you're doing it well!" followed by that unrelentingly heavy dance beat--and honestly never lets up during its three minute runtime. Naturally, since this song is possibly the greatest of J. Lo's career, the public ignored it and went back to listening to Soulja Boy.






68. Evanescence 'Going Under'
2003. From Fallen.

Goth rock is not my thing at all, but for a brief period of time Evanescence, led by the vocally underrated Amy Lee, held my attention and proved that not everything in that genre is tuneless garbage. Coming between their breakthrough 'Bring Me to Life' and the gorgeous 'My Immortal,' 'Going Under' was a bit of a bust on the charts, but it is always the one I associate with Evanescence in the few times I ever think about them. I'm a sucker for a big note and Lee has got a million of them in that chorus alone.





67. Sneaky Sound System 'Kansas City'
2008. From 2.

Sneaky Sound System's ode to internet relationships contains what is no doubt one of the top 3 hooks of the decade: "Someboddddddy in Kansas City loves meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." If that does not suck you in and make you instantly fall in love with this song, there is simply no hope for you my friend.








66. Ciara featuring Missy Elliott '1, 2 Step'
2004. From Goodies.

To this day, I'm not sure what it is about this song that has held my attention all these years. Ciara is not exactly known for her big voice, but her vocals are practically monotone here. The lyrics are nothing noteworthy (it's a simple ditty about dancing) and Missy's rap certainly doesn't rank among the best things she's ever done. Whatever it is, I have to give it up to '1, 2 Step' for working against all odds and becoming one of the few songs I heard on the radio a million times and never grew tired of.





65. Boomkat 'The Wreckoning'
2003. From Boomkatalog One.

Taryn Manning and brother Kellin were the masterminds behind the little-remembered pop group Boomkat and their ballsy minor hit 'The Wreckoning.' It's such a shame this song never caught on because it was one of the few songs of its time to take the newly in-vogue combination of pop music and hip-hop beats and create something wholly new with it. If there was one song on my countdown I wish people would listen to and give another chance, 'The Wreckoning' would be it.






64. Britney Spears 'Oops!...I Did It Again'
2000. From Oops!...I Did It Again.

The music video, complete with infamous red leather jumpsuit, is probably one of my most cherished of the decade. I don't think I'll ever forget her divalicious entrance and that highly-imitated choreography. While the video is often well-regarded, people forget that the song is actually still quite a stunner. As she did with '...Baby One More Time,' Brit has fun at our expense toying with the naughtiness of the title while going "Who me?" since the song is nowhere near as dirty as one might imagine. Not that innocent, indeeed.






63. Jason Mraz 'The Remedy (I Won't Worry)'
2002. From Waiting for My Rocket to Come.

I've been waiting in vain for seven years for Jason Mraz to make a song as urgent yet still upbeat and fun as his breakthrough hit 'The Remedy.' He's come close at least once ('Geek in the Pink') but over the years he's matured into more of a mellow indie rocker who is hellbent on chilling out to the point of insanity (or so it seems). Oh well, I suppose. At least we'll always have this song to remind us that he once had the ability to be this amazing.





62. Rihanna 'Don't Stop the Music'
2008. From Good Girl Gone Bad.

Forget your umbrellas, hating that I love you and rehab, 'Don't Stop the Music' was the song on Good Girl Gone Bad. With its heavy bass and that "mama say mama sa mamacusah" chant, 'Don't Stop the Music' is absolutely delirious and entirely effectively as a dancehall song; who doesn't want to get up on a table and start dancing for its entire 4-1/2 minute runtime?





61. David Archuelta 'Crush'
2008. From David Archuleta.

Any fears that I had supported the wrong Idol contestant were quickly put to rest after I heard this song. On first listen, the song may seem like nothing more than 90's boy band cheese, but Archie sells it. Also, I love the way he plays with the duality of the song's meaning (is it about a shy guy gathering the nerve to ask a girl out or is it really about a guy coming to terms with his sexuality?). Archie may not have a signature sound yet, but I'll definitely be curious to see where he takes his music as he matures in both age and musical style.

Taylor Swift is an American Hero: The 2009 VMAs Be CAH-RAY-ZAY This Year

HO-LY SHIT YOU GUYS. Where do I even begin talking about this year's MTV Video Music Awards? When Beyoncé winning a well-deserved Video of the Year award for her epic 'Single Ladies' clip isn't the highlight of the night, you know some crazy shit went down.

Okay, let's get it out of the way, the moment everyone is sure to be talking about for weeks to come: that Kanye/Taylor Swift moment was so fucking bizarre I can't even begin to comprehend it. Let me set the scene for you. I, believing Beyoncé was going to win everything under the sun, was rooting for Taylor to win from the get-go. Her video wasn't as immediately eye-catching or iconic as B's, but it has an indescribable charm (probably stemming from the fact that I can relate to Good Taylor in the video) that I fell in love with immediately. So when she actually won the damn award, I was so happy and surprised I didn't know what to think. She gave her acceptance speech and everything was going well...until Kanye came on stage. By this point, one of my friends whom I was watching the show with had left the room for a moment. When she came back during the commercial break, she saw two people alternately laughing and horrified at what had just happened. In case you missed it, here's the low down: Kanye comes on stage, rips the mic out of poor Taylor's hands, half-heartedly apologizes for stealing her thunder and then says something about how "Beyoncé had the best video of this or any year" before meeting a LOUD chorus of boos from the audience. The camera cuts to B and she's like, "Bitch please, do not get me involved in this." Taylor just stands back, looking like she's ready to breakdown in tears at any minute while MTV scrambles to cut to the next clip for the show. Now, listen, I like Kanye's music and find his selfishness and sore loser mentality to be entertaining in the same way I enjoy all of my crazy divas like Mariah, Britney and Whitney, but that was an INCREDIBLY uncalled for and douchey thing to do. Of all the nominees, it's poor Taylor Swift that had the least chance to actually defend her self against Kanye's raging ego during that moment (you know Lady GaGa would have been like, "Up yours, fucker" if he did it to her). I kept waiting for her to say "Fuck you, Kanye" during her performance later on in the show, but she remained a perfect lady and class act throughout. You know, however, that she's going to hit all the shows and talk smack about him like she did on her Joe Jonas tour earlier this year. I am officially touting Taylor as an American Hero along with Martha Stewart and Jesus for her valor in a time of immediate (and strange) crisis.

If the whole Kanye/Taylor debacle hadn't gone down, then I'm sure the story of the night would have been Lady GaGa. For an artist who's built her persona based on unapologetic pop songs and outrageous, over-the-top costumes, she really got outrageous with her outfits tonight. When your most normal outfit of the night is this, you know you're dealing with someone who is trying to make a statement through fashion. Some of the best moments of the night were when the cameras cut to Beyoncé in the front and seeing GaGa just over her shoulder in her ridiculous outifts like it was a Tuesday morning at home.



When I glimpsed this last outfit over B's shoulder, I literally almost fell off the couch laughing at how ridiculous it is. YOU CAN'T SEE HER FACE! Some people think she's trying too hard, but I find it refreshing that we have someone who is so willing to go where few major pop stars are these days. And, speaking of "willing to go there," have you seen her performance of 'Paparazzi' last night? Holy fuckballs, I've watched it twice now and I don't even know where to begin with it. All I have in my head is the image of GaGa playing the piano with her left foot on the keyboard, the random person in the wheelchair and, of course, the insane finale complete with crazy intense eyes and blood. Yes, blood, like she's in a fucking Saw movie or something. I haven't been this worked up over a live performance since Britney's comeback performance in 2007. You simply must see this for yourself to truly get the full gist of it.



Beyoncé, of course, walked off with the Video of the Year award, but her biggest moment of the night (I mean, besides her crazy clevage during her fantastic rendition of 'Single Ladies') was when she graciously let Taylor Swift back on stage to finish her speech. You know, I make fun of Beyoncé for being a crazy, self-absorbed diva, but it is in moments like these where she really shows what kind of beautiful person she is.


Of course, though, B showed Taylor who the H.B.I.C. (head bitch in charge) is even while in the background. Taylor was thanking her brother's high school for letting them shoot there and B gave this look that was like, "You shot your video in a high school? Bitch please, that's so beneath me." Don't give me that look. You know it happened.

I also have to give props to Pink for performing 100 feet in the air on a trapeze and (I think) actually singing live. You know what? She sounded better upside down, flying through the air than 90 percent of all female singers these days just standing. Incredible. I'm so glad that MTV got the hint that to have interesting performances, you actually need performers either providing entertainment, changing up the song or being Lady GaGa. I'm so sick of seeing a rapper come out on stage with 50 member of his entourage and just stand around doing their dumb song. I was so proud of them...that is, until Jay-Z came out. First of all, when did this whole "Mayor of New York" thing happen? Did the people of New York elect him some time ago and no one said anything? Secondly, standing around rapping while Alicia Keys does something on the piano is not a performance. It's dull, especially after the ladies earlier in the show. And where the hell was Rihanna? She definitely could have added some spice to that lackluster clip.

After years of mediocre shows, I have a feeling that this year's VMAs will go down in history as one of the greats. It may not be for entirely good reasons, but the whole thing was actually entertaining, something which the past two years shows were sorely missing.