"She died as she lived: on all fours with three closeted actors staring at her butt."

In case you haven't seen me stanning the fuck out over this in the past week, Melissa McCarthy was the guest host on Saturday Night Live last Saturday. And, in case you have been living under a rock, she was fucking incredible, my favorite host since Jesse Eisenberg. Whether she was "dancing" with her Bridesmaids co-star Kristen Wiig, taste testing new Hidden Valley ranch dressing flavors or fellating a horse balloon, Melissa was a laugh riot from the beginning until the very end. Can we just give her her deserved Guest Actor Emmy already, please? I've already watched the episode twice and still haven't deleted the episode off my TiVo. The only other SNL episode I kept after I watched it the first time was the legendary Betty White episode (and right now I'm having a flashback to Betty shouting "Wizard of ASS!") so that is high praise indeed. I loved every second of the episode, but my favorite sketch has to be this TCM parody where Melissa plays a Mae West-like character named Lulu Diamonds. Here is the sketch:

My favorite thing about this sketch, besides the way Melissa says "Cheese 'n crackers!", is the fact that the entire sketch revolves around her falling down the stairs multiple times. And, without fail, I fucking crack up Every. Damn. Time. True story: Sunday morning I was at work and happened to think of the moment where Melissa crawls up the banister and then falls down on the staircase, and I started laughing completely out of context while the customer I was helping was paying for their purchase. Kind of embarrassing. But I have no regrets. Between this and rediscovering her work in Bridesmaids, I am officially a stan for Melissa McCarthy.

Two Videos That Make Me LOL

The first video is a skit from this past week's Saturday Night Live parodying Miley Cyrus. Seems like an easy target, but new cast member Vanessa Bayer's impression was absolutely spot on and hilarious. The voice may not be exact, but she gets the feeling for the Miley cadence while nailing the mannerisms (I'm particularly impressed by how she captured the way Miley's mouth is open as far as possible when she speaks). And the bit when Miley shows a clip from her new film pretty much sums up Miley as a dramatic actress. The best thing about this sketch, however, is how it skewers everything that is infuriating to fans like me about Miley and her persona. There's a bit where on this fake talk show, Miley is interviewing Johnny Depp and they talk about his work. Depp talks about how he likes to explore darker characters to which Miley replies, nonchalantly, "Yeah, me too!" For someone who is about as edgy as a Susan Boyle concert, Miley sure likes to think that she is so much darker than her persona actually is. Remember that horrible bit in her memoir where she thinks she does Method acting on Hannah Montana? I'm mean, gurrrrrl please (oops, I'm getting ahead of myself). Stop acting like you're this really intuitive and mysterious actress when your darkest role has been in a Nicholas Sparks movie. Then, in the opening monologue, Miley delivers this joke that she thinks is the funniest shit on the planet but is really nothing more than a mildly interesting statistic about French people. I don't watch Hannah Montana on a regular basis, but I've caught a few episodes and this represents how I feel about Miley as a comedienne. The bitch ain't funny, plain and simple. She says lines with odd annunciation and emphasis in the wrong spots and tries to pratfall like she's Buster Keaton (who I'm sure she thinks she channels everyday in her work) but it mostly looks like she's trying too hard. I love Miley now (as a pop star), but this sketch was brilliant for calling her out on her shit.

This is a clip from Fantasia's VH1 reality show first brought to my attention by sexy man Joel McHale of The Soup. Fantasia was recently accused of having an affair with a married man, so she defends herself to her aunt by denying that their relationship went any further than being friends. Unfortunately, Fantasia's aunt doesn't believe her for a second and let's her know with a hilarious "Gurrrrrrl please." The way she says it makes me laugh EVERY TIME, I swear to God. I have a feeling this will become the new "And by record, I mean VAGINA."

Bieber Mania

In case you've been living under a rock (Or haven't signed onto Twitter in three months. Or have an, you know, actual life), Justin Bieber is taking over the world. Over the past eight months, the floppy-haired Canadian teen has gone from YouTube sensation to overnight tween mega idol. His meteoric success has come quickly. I remember checking out tween magazines such as Bop and Tiger Beat back in October or so and saw the usual Miley and Jonas cover stories. One month later, every damn magazine had this Bieber kid's face plastered dead center on the cover. I had no idea who or what he was, but as soon as I found about his fans, I knew he wasn't going away anytime soon. My God, those 12 year old girls who are obsessed with him are quite literally INSANE. Remember, I'm a child of the late 90s/early 2000s. I lived through Backstreet Mania and NSYNC Mania during the TRL Era. Those bitches were crazy, crying every time they appeared on TV, camping overnight for their new CD, getting into petty arguments over which group was better (very similar to the Team Edward/Jacob debate raging today). Those girls were amateurs next to these Bieber Heads. With Twitter becoming the new Mecca of social networking, the site's "trending topics" have come a big clue into what every day people are talking about on a given day. His fans are every bit as crazy as those in the BSB/NSYNC days, but they take it to a new extreme with Twitter. Every single day, Bieber's name is on that list of popular topics. He doesn't even have to do anything special; if his biggest plan for the day is to take a shit, these fans would still be talking about him.

I realize this all probably makes me sound like a hater, but here's the truth: I actually like Justin Bieber. Given my expressed admiration for many a tween Disney star, this probably comes as no surprise, but I think he's a cool cat. First of all, unlike many of the Disney/Nickelodeon manufactured pop stars, he can actually sing. Yes, he sings teen pop and, yes, it's inherently cheesy. But it's excellent teen pop, very reminiscent of the days when Britney and Christina ruled the airwaves. Songs such as 'Somebody to Love,' 'Baby' and especially 'One Time' (I'm eagerly anticipating an acoustic cover of this song from either Kris Allen, Darin or Nadine Coyle at some point) even transcend this slightly negative label and become true pop gems. Say what you want about him (and his lesbianic haircut), but this kid has the stuff to be a "legitimate" artist someday. It will be interesting, however, to see if his young fan base will allow him to grow up and mature with his music. I can totally see him going down the JT/Jesse McCartney path in a couple of years, but who knows if he'll stick around. Tween girls are a notoriously fickle group.

I leave you now with a couple Bieber videos. The first is his latest single 'Baby' (hopefully you can just ignore Ludacris' lazy rap). The second is the moment I truly fell for him: the SNL sketch from a week ago where Tina Fey, as a very Liz Lemon-y high school teacher, falls in love with Bieber. He's obviously not the most natural actor on the planet, but those songs were hilarious. "Hey girl, I wanna watch you do pilates. And skip the hard parts," spoken like those horrible interludes in any typical boy band ballad, makes me laugh every time. And, at one point, Tina Fey pushes Justin in a baby carriage. Yeah, enough said.

25 Best Performances of the TV Season

So, the 2008-09 TV season has officially ended and while the doldrums of the summer season begin and I impatiently wait for Mad Men and my Bravo reality shows [My Life on the D-List, Flipping Out, Tabatha's Salon Takeover and Shear Genius (if that's even coming back)], I decided it's the perfect time to celebrate the best of the past season. Instead of attempting to do a massive Emmy ballot like last year which I know would just end up a complete disaster, I decided to just rank my favorite performances of the season. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think the best of the season were.

25. Portia de Rossi, Better Off Ted
Hilariously deadpan. She's now officially my second favorite lesbian (after her wife, of course)

24. Sebastian Stan, Kings
That scene where his father denounces him for his homosexuality totally killed me. And don't we all love a scheming and manipulative gay (I think someone's been taking lessons from their girlfriend)?
23. Brie Larson, The United States of Tara
She gets the funniest lines on the show and I love that even if she's a bitch most of the time, she's still my ideal older sister.
22. Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Always a delight as the unlucky-in-love Olive. I especially loved her nun storyline this past (and last, sadly) season.
21. Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Often has the most ridiculous, WTF lines on the show and he still makes them work.

20. Hannah Murray, Skins
I'm so behind on Skins it's almost embarrassing, but, thanks to Murray, her season one episode was one of the most heartbreakingly real takes on anorexia and eating disorders I've ever seen.
19. Keir Gilchrist, The United States of Tara
Adorable, instantly lovable and already one of my favorite gays ever. As an added bonus, I want his wardrobe more than any other person's on TV.
18. Marcia Gay Harden, Damages
Practically oozes a confident sexuality unmatched by anyone on TV. The fact that she's over 40 and is still sexier than Megan Fox is a testament to her acting (and her incredible, real body)
17. Eva Longoria-Parker, Desperate Housewives
She gets better and funnier with every passing season and still no respect. I do not understand Hollywood sometimes.
16. Ian McShane, Kings
Overpowering and authoritative like any king should be.

15. Hugh Laurie, House
Consistently probing while chipping away at the psyche of one the darkest, complicated and most awesome characters on TV ever. Has anyone done this much character work on what is, more or less, a "procedural" show?
14. Becki Newton & Michael Urie, Ugly Betty
My favorite gay guy/fag hag combination ever (Will & Grace excluded, of course). Apart, they're brilliant. But when they're together, all hell breaks loose. I love that the show is allowing Urie's Marc to grow and become more than just a shallow (yet hilarious) stereotype, while I'm impressed that they have managed to keep Newton's Amanda fresh and freakishly hilarious week after week.
13. Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
One of the very few reasons I watched Saturday Night Live as much as I did this season. Given just a couple of props and quirks, she develops characters that are so funny I forget to breathe sometimes. And the best part is she's ALWAYS funny, no matter how awful some of her sketches are.
12. Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
Ms. Cross will forever and for always be my favorite desperate housewife. I just wished she got better storylines and more respect from all of the awards groups (One Emmy nomination and NO wins?! How is this even possible? She should have 2 statues, easily).
11. Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
What more does this woman have to do to prove that she's infinitely worthy of an Emmy nomination? She's consistently brings the house down every week and her quotes are the ones I'm always repeating for weeks on end.

10. Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies
Adorable, achingly sweet and just awkward enough to be completely endearing.
9. Rose Byrne, Damages
Scarily intense. I thought I loved her the first season, but she upped her game tenfold for the second. Now, will Emmy fall in line and actually nominate her?
8. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, The New Adventures of Old Christine
My favorite moment of the entire season happened in the episode of Christine where Louis-Dreyfuss is trying to prove to the gang what a sore loser her boyfriend is after he has a complete meltdown when she beats him in tennis. She asks everyone to make sure that he loses at all costs, but when he starts beating everyone, she has a meltdown herself, stamping on the floor and throwing game pieces all over the place. Apparently, I was causing such a commotion with my laughter, my parents had to ask and make sure I was alright. It is for moments like this that I love Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and her take on the burned out single mother.
7. Glenn Close, Damages
By now, Glenn Close has this cold, intense and generally frightening gorgon act down pat, but you can see that she maintains Patty Hewes as a work in process; Close continues to add layers to the character with each passing episode.
6. Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
I was tempted at first to call Portia de Rossi my favorite corporate ballbuster on TV, but then I remembered that Alec Baldwin was on my list and I completely forgot about that. He's still the funniest guy on TV and seeing his chemistry with Tina Fey only get stronger and funnier every week fills me with complete joy.

5. Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
It's a man's world, but Moss's Peggy Olson is fighting to good fight for women's equality in the workplace in her own special way. I love that she doesn't give big, moralizing lectures, but instead does her work better than any of the men while slowly gaining the respect of Don. But, she also has her heartbreaks and its during these moments that we are really moved by Peggy and Moss's performance.


4. Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
For a show that has more ups and downs, quality wise, than Britney's comeback, it's never less than surprising the way Vanessa Williams is able to consistently find new ways to make being a complete diva bitch compelling and funny. After three seasons, you would think we would get tired of this shtick, but Williams is a much smarter actress than most people give her credit for and knows how to be villainous while showing her human side at the same time. It's a very difficult role, but Williams handles it without breaking a sweat.


3. Jon Hamm, Mad Men
The most interesting thing about Hamm's interpretation of Don Draper, and consequently why it's ones of the best performances of the season, is that for everything that happens to him throughout the course of the season, he remains as much of an enigma as before. Who is Don Draper and, furthermore, will anyone (including Don himself) ever really figure him out? Thanks to Jon Hamm, we'll continue to have fun guessing.


2. Tina Fey, 30 Rock & Saturday Night Live
My professor this semester wondered out loud about Tina Fey's Liz Lemon, "I find it hard to believe that anyone can be that pathetic." I thought about this for a second and had to disagree. Liz Lemon has to be that pathetic because we are all Liz Lemon in one way or another. We have all reacted in similar ways to the situations Liz gets in week after week (and don't you deny it!). On the other hand, Fey's Sarah Palin interpretation became a full-blown cultural phenomenon and it was all highly deserved.


1. Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl
If you're at all surprised by this, then what site have you been reading for the past year? I liked her well enough during the first season, but it wasn't until this year that it blew up into a full-blown obsession. With every passing week, Meester turned Blair Waldorf from a guilty pleasure to one of the coolest and most cheerworthy characters on television. Every time she delivers a bitchy one-liner, manipulates her way out of a situation or devises a scheme to eliminate a potential threat to her well-being, we cheer her on and laugh at the sheer outrageousness of her character (especially when she embarrasses her frenemy Serena in front of the dean of admissions by telling him about Serena's "murder"). But then there are the quieter moments when Meester truly shines as a dramatic actress as well. I still remember the scene where Blair is standing in front of a mirror and, in a beautiful long take, she stares at her reflection and goes from stoic, to upset, to a blubbering mess, back to upset, sullen and finally happy. This all happens in a matter of 45 seconds and is one of the most entrancing moments of the past season. For all of these reasons and more, I mention to JD every week that she's worthy of an Emmy nomination. It completely saddens me that she'll probably never get the respect she deserves just because she's young, relatively unknown and on a "teen" drama on the CW. Leighton Meester is a goddess and one of the most promising and hottest actresses in Hollywood- when will the rest of the world start to take notice?

At Least It Wasn't a Disaster

I am, of course, referring to Zac Efron's guest hosting gig on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Sketch comedy is notoriously difficult to get right and many, many talented actors have failed miserably on SNL. Knowing this, I was immensely worried for Zac as soon as I heard he signed up to do it. Could he handle the pressure? Would he have the comedic timing necessary to make the sketches work? Or would they just fall flat with a couple of nervous laughs throughout? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to report that Zac did not fail and actually made me chuckle in parts (Whether or not this is because he's actually funny or he's so pretty that anything he says makes me laugh is a question for another time). Granted, he wasn't as great as Jon Hamm, Anne Hathaway or NPH were earlier this year, but Zac was definitely passable. I was going to post the Kathie Lee/Hoda sketch where Zac played Kathie Lee's son Cody but stupid Hulu doesn't have that clip available, so, instead, I'll post the second best sketch of the evening: Troy Bolton returning to East High and addressing the new Senior class about the real world. Enjoy.

I'm Going to Marry NPH

It's official.



"I remember his second sketch ran 5 minutes and 35 seconds and he took a third beat and an extra pause and I turned to my girlfriend back then and I was like, 'What, is he allergic to timing?' and she was like, 'Why won't you kiss me?' and I was like, 'Later! Look at this guy!'"



"And thrust...and thrust..."



"Some people are even having a hard time paying rent."

"There Once Was a Girl Named Regina..."

This clip was from Saturday Night Live two weeks ago when Jon Hamm hosted and, for God knows what reason, it wasn't posted anywhere online until a couple of days ago. It's quite a head scratcher since I thought it was the funniest sketch of the night. Who knew that Jon Hamm could do such an uncanny James Mason impression? That's not exactly in everyone's repetoire. And Kristen Wiig's Gloria Swanson/Norma Desmond was genius ("I'm a pirate, AARRRRGH.") even if the accent sounded a bit like Katharine Hepburn.

In other Jon Hamm related news, The Ausiello Files is reporting that he is in final negotiations join the cast of 30 Rock for a multi-episode storyline as Tina Fey's love interest. Hell to the yes! This news is so epic it makes Lawrence of Arabia look tiny. I only have one request: can Christina Hendricks get a part, too?

"Say Hi to Your Mother For Me"

I have no idea why this is so funny, but I crack up everytime I watch it. Congrats Andy Samberg, that accent is dead on!