Sunday, July 4, 2010

7 Things About Miley Cyrus' Autobiography Miles to Go

01. Miles to Go only covers four years in the life of Miley: from the time she first auditioned for Hannah Montana at 12 to the time of the book's publication at 16. Given that microscopic period of time, the book is 260 goddamn pages! Granted, the type is enormous and I'm pretty sure it's triple-spaced, but still. I couldn't even fill 50 pages about those four years. And it's not like much happened to her. Sure, she's the Queen of Disney, but she devotes most of the book to her homespun wisdom about being yourself, Christian values and quality family time. Bitch please. We don't want to read that. We wanna hear about all of your celebrity exploits and run-ins with tween celebrities.

02. The notes on the side are cute at first. But by page 70, they're kinda annoying.

03. I love that she openly admits to not liking Emily Osment during the course of the first two seasons of Hannah Montana. Of course, they somehow overcome their differences and are now BFFs, but the moments she describes of tension between them are some of the only genuine, unfiltered moments in the entire book.

04. Miley, gurl, there's no point giving your former boyfriend that you ended up writing '7 Things' about the nickname "Prince Charming." We all know it's Nick Jonas. And where's the dirt?! Come on, pull a Taylor Swift and give us some juicy details.

05. "During the TV series, I'd become more and more of a Method actor. In Method acting you use experiences from real life to summon emotions for your character." I literally cannot believe she had the balls to say this. According to Miley, she should be considered along with her peers like Brando, Clift and Dean. And to think that before this I considered Brenda Song as one of her acting contemporaries.

06. Very briefly, Miley mentions her friend Lesley. As in, "My best friend Lesley said, 'Oh, she's just being Miley.'" I'm such a nerd I nearly did the gay inhale.

07. I'm glad that she's so close with her family and that they tried their damnedest to live a "normal" life. But after awhile they come off not as mere mortals but as Saint Billy Ray and Tish. It's so annoying listening to her go on and on about how great they are, how they are always there for her, how they always put the family before any of the fame stuff, etc. We get it, they're better than my parents. Let's move on.

So, overall, the book is a C-. Not horrible for this type of book and definitely not as bad as you'd expect with Miley as a co-author. Also, it wasn't nearly as difficult to get through as either of the Twilight books I bothered to read. I wish she was more revealing but I also understand why she can't. Still, I can't wait for another 10 years, after she's gone completely slutty, when we get a tell-all book about our beloved tween stars. Maybe she can title it Miley: Still Not Tamed, Motherfucker.

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