Happy MLK Day!

Effie: Tell me something, Curtis. Do you think it's right to promote an amateur performer over a professional?

Curtis: I'm not sure what this is about.

Effie: It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? 'Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.' So why am I sitting here without so much as a B-side on a 45, when an amateur like Martin Luther King, Jr. gets his own freaking album. I mean, can he even sing?

The Oscars are Racist

The other day I was looking through a bunch of my old notes on Facebook (which I wrote on a lot before I got my spiffy new blog) and I came across the one I wrote the morning the Oscar nominations were announced last year. Appropriately titled "Oscar Nominations---I'm pissed!", I basically ranted about how Dreamgirls, which at that point was my favorite film of the year, was denied a Best Picture nomination and, at one point, I called the Oscars racist. I'm still a little bitter (although The Departed was a smidge better) but I think it's funny how angry I got. I haven't seen a film yet this year that I will be crushed if they don't get a Best Picture nomination (my two favorites- Hairspray and Hot Fuzz- have no chance in hell) but it could possibly happen towards December and January when I see more of the "real" contenders.

So, I guess this could be interpreted as a warning because when a film or performance I love is getting bashed by critics, bloggers and the racist Academy, I won't shut up about what an injustice it is and just how great it actually is. I did it last year when J. Hud got bashed by everyone on the internet and I will do it again.

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Picture

And the nominees are...

The Departed (Martin Scorsese)

With all the guns, murder, violence and mob talk, there's no way I should have loved this movie as much as I did. But Scorsese has crafted a mob thriller that is both intelligently made and ass-kickingly cool- not an easy combination.

Dreamgirls (Bill Condon)

A cinematic experience to say the least. Condon's adaptation of the beloved Broadway musical receives the epic treatment and not a minute goes by where you don't feel his heart and soul in every ounce of the film.

Little Miss Sunshine (Jonathon Dayton and Valerie Faris)

Little Miss Sunshine probably had the most to overcome (a quirky, independent road film with an overly familiar plot) but, somehow, it rises against all of these hindrances and became one of the most beloved films of the year. It's quirky but not annoyingly so, familiar but still hilarious and the cast has some of the best chemistry of the decade.

The Painted Veil (John Curran)

The only non-ensemble film on my list, and it's all the better for it. Too many actors would have gotten in the way of the visual splendor. Sure, the landscape is romanticized a bit, but when it looks this gorgeous, who really gives a shit? Plus, Edward Norton and Naomi Watts deliver heartbreaking performances that very carefully avoid cheap and easy cliches of the romance genre.

Shortbus (John Cameron Mitchell)

Once you accept the graphic frankness about sex and sexuality, what you realize is that Mitchell has crafted a truly powerful and strangely moving reflection on human sexual relationships. This is the kind of maturity we don't get from the movies every day and is definitely something to be cherished.

If Only There Were Six: Notes on a Scandal (Richard Eyre): I have never been both this amused and scared shitless at the same time.

Rest of the Top 10: Borat (Larry Charles): I haven't laughed this hard at a movie in a long time...Children of Men (Alfonso Cuaron): Visually stunning and a truly thought provoking piece of art...The Prestige (Christopher Nolan): Another mindfuck, but still hypnotic....The Science of Sleep (Michel Gondry): Original in every sense of the word

BRONZE
Little Miss Sunshine
SILVER
Dreamgirls
GOLD
The Departed

There you go, my 2006 Diva Cup Awards are finally complete. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I did creating them. Tune back sometime next year for 2007!

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Director

And the nominees are...

Bill Condon, Dreamgirls

Not only does Condon guide Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson into giving, in my opinion, the Best Supporting Actor and Actress performances of the year, he also performs miracles behind the scenes with his nearly flawless direction that proves that after Chicago and Moulin Rouge! musicals are back and as good as ever.

Key Scene: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" is flawless, but the "Steppin' to the Bad Side" number is the way Bob Fosse would have done it had he been alive to direct.

Alfonso Cuaron, Children of Men

Holy long take, Batman! With his risky use of the long take and other directorial choices, Cuaron elevated this pretty average science fiction story into the realm of high art. A wonderous feast for the eyes even after repeated viewings.

Key Scene: The Procession of the Child

Michel Gondry, The Science of Sleep

Gondry has enough imagination for three directors and The Science of Sleep is further proof that he is one of the freshest directors of our generation. If you thought Eternal Sunshine was off the wall, wait until you see some of Gael Garcia Bernal's dreams...whoa.

Key Scene: That final moment with Bernal and Gainsbourg on the horse...the closest I've ever seen anyone match the poetic beauty of the ending to Chaplin's City Lights

Christopher Nolan, The Prestige

Maybe not as perplexing as Memento, but I still left the theater trying to fit it all together. Definitely deserves a couple of viewings to see just exactly what went on.

Key Scene: The Explanation of Why We Saw 100 Top Hats in the Beginning

Martin Scorsese, The Departed

Scorsese is back and better than ever. The film is 2 1/2 hours, but thanks to the quick pace and ass-kicking action, it never feels that long.

Key Scene: Billy and Colin's Showdown on the Roof

If Only There Were Six: John Cameron Mitchell, Shortbus:

Rest of the Top 10: John Curran, The Painted Veil...Pedro Almodovar, Volver...Paul Greengrass, United 93...Sofia Coppola, Marie Antoinette

BRONZE
Michel Gondry, The Science of Sleep
SILVER
Alfonso Cuaron, Children of Men
GOLD
Martin Scorsese, The Departed

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Supporting Actress

And the nominees are...

Lindsay Beamish, Shortbus

Beamish masterfully takes a one-note caricature joke (a dominatrix) and turns her into a real human being. Bravo to you.

Key Scene: Admitting her real name

Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

She’s bright, cute as a button and hilarious, but above all, Breslin is a natural on-screen and should soon overtake Dakota Fanning as the most wanted child star in Hollywood.

Key Scene: “I eat ice cream”

Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

What more can I say? A powerful performance with passionate vocals and the dramatic chops to match. A very rare occurrence indeed.

Key Scene: “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”

Ashley Johnson, Fast Food Nation

Johnson lights up the screen in every frame she appears in with her youthful exuberance and passion for living- which only makes her realization at the end of the film all the more affecting.

Key Scene: Setting the cows free

Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

Kikuchi produces the only real full-fledged “character” to emerge from the lowest depth of humanity known as Babel and, consequently, makes us feel for her character using only gestures, uninhibited sign language and her eyes.

Key Scene: Baring her soul to the police officer

If Only There Were Six: Frances McDormand in Friends With Money: her diva antics made my day

Rest of the Top Ten: Carmen Maura, Volver: brilliantly shows both the wonderful and tough things about motherhood...Jill Clayburgh, Running With Scissors: her moments of brilliance made the film much better...Lola Dueñas, Volver: funny and touching in an unexpected way...Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal: matched Dame Judi every step of the way and, of course, "Here I am!"

BRONZE
Ashley Johnson, Fast Food Nation
SILVER
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
GOLD
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Adapted Screenplay

And the nominees are...

Bill Condon, Dreamgirls

It always fascinating to see an adaptation of a Broadway work and wonder what it must have looked like on the stage because the film doesn't look like it would fit on a stage. Condon does just that...and makes it look easy.

Todd Field, Tom Perrotta, Little Children

The film is highly literate, but not so stuffy and filled with superlative dialogue that it's hard to get involved in.

Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal

The most intelligent camp script I have ever seen in my life. Marber deserves more credit than he receives for making this film so over the top and, yet, grounded in reality.

William Monahan, The Departed

Every word of dialogue is true and beliveable and, even at 2 1/2 hours, I don't think any of the scenes could have been cut.

Ron Nyswaner, The Painted Veil

Nyswaner's updating of the Maugham novella manages to keep both the relationship issues on the same footing with the exotic location.

Runners Up: Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski, V For Vendetta...Jason Reitman, Thank You For Smoking...Christoper Nolan and Jonathon Nolan, The Prestige

BRONZE
Bill Condon, Dreamgirls
SILVER
Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal
GOLD
William Monahan, The Departed

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Diva

And the nominees are...

Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette

In this environment of scrumptous food, fabulous gowns and to-die-for shoes, there's no doubt that Marie Antoinette would have been a major diva bitch and Kiki Dunst fits that mold perfectly.

Jennifer Hudson as Effie White in Dreamgirls

My girl Effie is a diva after my own heart (before she's even famous, she turns down a paying gig becuase she "don't do 'oohs' and 'aahs'.") and that MLK line will never get old.

Frances McDormand as Jane in Friends With Money

McDormand's Jane feels like a lot of the divas I personally know (my mother, my friend Christi's mother and grammy) when she grumbles about the awful service in that restaurant.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada

She scares to shit out of everyone and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. I wanted to sign up for the "Miranda Priestly School of Bitchiness" the minute she first evily glared at Anne Hathaway's Andy.

Mark Wahlberg as Sgt. Dignam in The Departed

He steals scenes better than anyone I've ever seen and the way he is such an asshole to everyone (love that "Don't you know any fucking Shakespeare?" line to DiCaprio in the beginning) is a lesson for every diva in training.

Runners Up: Annette Bening brought her whole diva aura to Running With Scissors and made it a much better film than it should have...Fiona Shaw was so over-the-top in The Black Dahlia and, consequently, so hilarious, that she almost made Faye Dunaway's Joan Crawford seem subtle...Julianne Moore made a real diva entrance like the true pro that she is in Children of Men.

BRONZE
Mark Wahlberg
SILVER
Jennifer Hudson
GOLD
Meryl Streep

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Scene

And the nominees are...

Borat: Naked Fight

This shouldn't have been so funny, but I laughed really hard throughout this entire scene and nearly peed myself.

Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

I applauded. I shouted. I almost cried tears of joy. J. Hud sings the hell out of this song and, consequently, became an Oscar winner.

Little Miss Sunshine: The Dance

Even doing the raunchiest dance moves, Breslin is still so damn cute. How is this possible?

Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation

Blanchett with mascara running down from her eyes, a couple of bitch slaps, that "Virginia bloody Woolf" line and, of course, "HERE I AM!"- it's damn hard to top this soon-to-be classic camp moment.

United 93: Fighting Back

The movie was kind of slow until this edge-of-your-seat ending. It takes a lot of skill to make a scene this suspenseful when you know the ending already.

Runners Up: Marie Antoinette: Marie's Arrival at the Palace- I gasped out loud at the visual splendor of this moment; all the elements together like a rich, detailed painting...Jesus Camp: Heil Bush- So scary I nearly shat myself...Happy Feet: Mumble's Birth/First Tap Dance- I went "awww" about 53 times in this scene alone

BROZNE
United 93: Fighting Back
SILVER
Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation
GOLD
Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Breakthrough Performance

And the nominees are...

Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine

Breslin, the anti-Dakota Fanning, focuses on just being a kid and having a fun time with this role. Bonus points for being just plain adorable.

Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat

In the matter of months, Cohen went from being unrecognizable to one of the most reveared comedians of the decade with the strength of this film and performance.

Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Who would have guessed that this American Idol cast-off would come out of nowhere and blow us all away with her miraculous voice and volcanic performance?

Rinko Kikuchi in Babel

The only bright spot in Babel, Kikuchi impressively takes the stereotypical disabled role and transforms it into something lovely...not bad for this young of a performer.

Channing Tatum in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and Step Up

In Step Up, Channing Tatum showed he had promise as an actor and only needed the right role to be great. In Saints, Tatum followed through on this promise and gave one of the most exciting (and unexpected) performances of the year.

Runners Up: As the lonely dominatrix, Lindsay Beamish in Shortbus is the best of that film's impressive young cast...Ashley Johnson in Fast Food Nation earns best in show honors in a film brimming with established stars

BRONZE

Channing Tatum

SILVER

Sacha Baron Cohen

GOLD

Jennifer Hudson

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Quote/Line Reading

And the nominees are...

"Here I am!" ~Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal

Blanchett's battle cry to the vicious vultures surrounding her during a major personal crisis is one of the most hilarious camp moments since Faye Dunaway uttered "Tina, bring me the axe!" in Mommie Dearest and is the perfect way to end such a high-strung scene.

"Is she a sphinx, or simply stupid?" ~Dame Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal

I'm not sure why I love this quote so much, but Dame Judi's early size-up of Blanchett's Sheba is one of the quotes I immediately think about when I think about this movie.

"It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? ‘Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.’ So why am I sitting here without so much as a B side on a 45 when an amateur like Martin Luther King Jr. gets his own album? I mean, can he even sing?" ~Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Diva-riffic to the extreme and the precise moment when I fell in love with J. Hud's Effie White. It takes a real diva to complain about MLK like that.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself." ~Mark Wahlberg in The Departed

Wahlberg's effective scene-stealing in The Departed doesn't get any better than this foul-mouthed quip.

"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" ~Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane

I was shaking in anticipation of this line and, when it finally came, I laughed and applauded like I had never done before. Samuel L. Jackson’s delivery lived up to the hype and makes it an instant classic.

Runners Up: I loved Matt Damon's assholian response of "Qui gives a shit" to Alec Baldwin's "Qui bono" in The Departed so much that I wish I could say it more often...Annette Bening's "I need high ceilings" in Running With Scissors is one of this beautiful disaster's shining moments...Just the way Frances McDormand coughed out "Asshole" to that douchebag driver in the farmer's market in Friends With Money had me laughing for like two minutes straight. Brilliant.

BRONZE

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself."

SILVER

"Here I am!"

GOLD

"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Dreamgirls Revisited

In the time between I first saw Dreamgirls in theaters and when I picked up my copy of the DVD last week, a lot has happened to the general opinion of the film. It went from the frontrunner for the Best Picture Oscar to being snubbed entirely in that category; my beloved Jennifer Hudson was constantly derided for her "lack of talent" in the speaking sections of her role (but she got the last laugh winning her deserved Best Supporting Actress Oscar); Eddie Murphy went from sure bet in the Best Supporting Actor category to "Let’s give it to the profane grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine" in a matter of weeks; and somehow the gay vote swung from the Beyoncé ballad "Listen" in the Best Original Song category to the average, anti-global warming anthem "I Need to Wake Up" from power lesbian Melissa Etheridge. After all of this backlash, I thought that my opinion would be swayed somewhat. Imagine my surprise when I realized that this second viewing would strengthen my opinion that it is one of the best films of 2006.

Let me just say that writer/director Bill Condon sure knows how to stage a musical number. Coming from the Fosse school of musical editing and timing, Condon turns every song into a magical, electric moment. Upon first viewing, "And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going" belongs solely to Jennifer Hudson, but now I can see Condon’s style playing a bigger part in the success of the number. Another number that surprised me in its technical proficiency is the second half of "Steppin’ to the Bad Side" in which Jimmy Early and the Dreamettes are performing the song for an audience. The style of it and the choice of editing was fairly reminiscent of the "Take Off With Us" number from Fosse’s All That Jazz.

One thing about the mauling of Dreamgirls that really irks me is the genuine disinterest in Beyoncé’s performance in the film. Sure, J. Hud, Eddie Murphy and even, to some extent, Anika Noni Rose steal the show and Beyoncé isn’t a great "actress" by any means, but the role of Deena is tailored for her. Replace The Dreams with Destiny’s Child, Effie with the three ladies kicked out of Destiny’s Child and Jamie Foxx’s Curtis with her father Mathew and you’ve got Beyoncé’s professional career. Deena isn’t a great dramatic role that requires a powerful actress in the Meryl Streep/Judi Dench vein- all that is needed is a great presence and Beyoncé definitely fits that bill. Deena is supposed to be a manufactured product, a puppet whose strings are controlled by Curtis and Beyoncé believably delivers a performance that stays true to these origins. For example, watch the scene where she has the secret meeting with John Lithgow and some other random writer to discuss an upcoming movie project. She asserts her independence, how Curtis doesn’t run every part of her life and even drops an f-bomb to throw us off. But, somehow, all of this still comes off as artificial and phony. Beyoncé is a smarter actress than most of us give her credit for and maybe Dreamgirls will be the launching pad she needs to jump start the acting career she desperately wants.

All in all, Dreamgirls is well worth your time if you love "razzle dazzle" musicals (Chicago and Moulin Rouge! could also be considered in this brand of musical) with beautiful dresses, amazing sets, tons of glitter and quite a few divas. Even if you don’t, watch it for amazing performances from Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy which will continue to surprise you through out the film.

Future Rants From the Number One Diva (And No Jill, Not You)

Hello dear readers! Sorry for the sporadic postings in the last week. It's been hard to find the time to write out the in-depth posts I want to. First of all, I've been catching up on older movies that I had taped while I was at school (expect some short and long rants about those). Second, yesterday I had an interview at Target and I was an offered a job there! I was so excited. Check me out as the new floor person/cashier! Third, I've been trying to read the newest Sophie Kinsella book in the "Shopaholic" series entitled Shopaholic and Baby as quickly as possible because I only have a week to finish it (long story) before I have to return it to the library. So, here are a few things you can expect in the coming weeks from me:

>After my interview yesterday, I picked up my copy of Dreamgirls (the 2-disc "Showstopper Edition" of course) and quickly watched it again last night. After seeing it again, I can't believe that it took such a beating from the critics and that fucking Babel was nominated over it at the Oscars (sorry, I can't let go). I'm planning a post about my second viewing of Dreamgirls and expect a lot of "oohs and aahs" (which Effie White don't so) about the film.

>I recently caught up on Ugly Betty and I realized just how amazing the supporting women of the show are. The ones I'm going to write about are flawless in their roles and elevate the show beyond it's "primetime soap" status.

>Ronee Blakely gave one of the greatest female performances of the 1970's in Robert Altman's Nashville as ill-fated country queen Barbara Jean, but after receiving an Oscar nomination, she vanished from existence and never rose to those heights again. Read as I chronicle this performance and the reasons she should be working again.

>Thanks to everyone who read/commented on my Oscar Bitch Fight of 1939. Expect my next one (about the men of 1939) in the near future.

All You J. Hud Haters Need to Get a Life

If I have to read one more rant about how Miss Jennifer Hudson doesn't really act in Dreamgirls, I think I'm gonna have to choke a bitch. J. Hud acts more in one minute of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" than most actors and actresses did in entire movies in 2006. Every ounce of emotion she can muster (and that's quite a lot) is poured into those lyrics. And if you don't believe me, just listen to another person try and sing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going". While they are often fantastic singers (Frenchie Davis and Tamyra Gray of American Idol have both done versions), they can't bring forth the emotion that J. Hud does so effortlessly. But now I'm going to hear whines of Okay, she can sing well (understatement of the century) but she doesn't really act in the non-musical scenes. First of all, I will slap someone who says that in front of me. Secondly, let me refer you to the scene where she sings "Heavy" with Deena and Lorrell. She looks so pained, hurt and, most of all, angry that she has been forced to sing background vocals to Deena who has talent, but not the big voice of Effie. Everything about J. Hud's performance is perfect and should not be torn apart by all these nay-sayers. Boo to all you.

I Know This is Practically Common Knowledge But J. Hud is Amazing

Ever since I saw "Dreamgirls" on December 30th, I've been enamored and practically dumbstruck by the talents of one Miss Jennifer Hudson. I'm almost embarrassed that we, as a nation, let her go so early on "American Idol" that fateful 3rd season. This girl has got talent spewing out of her ass. And I'm not just talking about her triumphant version of "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" that tore the theatres up. The only time I've ever seen an audience clap during the middle of a movie is when J. Hud sang this song...and they did it multiple times. Behind me, a couple of girls kept saying to each other throughout the number "Damn, that girl can sing!" and started cheering loudly.

While that hair-raising, goosebump-inducing performance was movie magic at it's best, J. Hud also has her other shining moments. Her performance of the new song written for the movie "Love You I Do" is two minutes and 50 seconds of pure exaltation, elevating what could have been a cheesy, upbeat love song into the perfect expression of love. During "I Am Changing", we sincerely believe that she intends on changing her ways for the better. And it's during "One Night Only" that we see her finally able to hone her craft and make a single displaying all of her talents.

Even when she is not singing, J. Hud nails the character of Effie White. Lord knows I know and love my divas, and thanks to J. Hud, Effie is now one of my favorites. Whether it's telling Curtis and Jimmy that she don't do "ooohs and aaahs" or purposely singing over Deena during "Heavy, Heavy" in the studio and then walking out during the middle of the session, J. Hud knows how to throw a diva fit. And my favorite moment of hers is when she has the audacity to complain to Curtis about Martin Luther King, Jr. getting an album before she does. You can't get any more diva-riffic then that.

I sincerely hope that my girl J. Hud will win her deserved Oscar on February 25th and I can't wait to see what she does (musically and acting-wise) after all this hoopla.