Short Rants on Crazy, Stupid, Love

Did Phyllida Lloyd secretly direct this movie? Not since Mamma Mia! have I been filled with such irrational, unexplainable hatred toward a star-studded, pure popcorn film. From the very first frame until the last, cringe-inducing second, Crazy, Stupid, Love manages to dumb down a stellar, intelligent cast with sitcom clichés and out-of-nowhere twists that even CBS would be embarrassed by, include a lazy happy ending which wraps up complicated interpersonal issues into a neat and tidy bow, and uphold prehistoric ideas about men and women's places in both society and relationships. This last point is what sent me over the edge. First of all, according to the film, the only way Steve Carell's character is able to recapture his manhood after his pending divorce is to follow the advice of Ryan Gosling, a well-dressed, impeccably groomed chauvinist who brags about tricking dumb women into wanting to have sex with him. The problem, however, is that we are supposed to respect Gosling's character as his tricks work for Carell and he becomes a close friend when everyone else has abandoned him to take his wife's side. This becomes a major problem later on in the film when SPOILER the girl Gosling has been serious about turns out to be Carell's daughter. So, he's a good enough guy to be your friend but now he's scum because he's dating your daughter, who, I must add, is now old enough to have passed her fucking BAR exam and become a lawyer. How utterly disgusting that even in 2011 we still have major plot points in major films--especially a comedy--where a father feels he has the right to decide whom his adult daughter may or may not date. But the gender politics in this film are merely the tip of the iceberg of what Crazy, Stupid, Love gets so completely wrong. Do we have time to cover the film's boneheaded attempts to validate the 13 year old son's "love" for his 17 year old babysitter (who is actually in love with Carell's character but let's not get into that)? Why on earth are we pretending that this 13 year old is any different than any other 13 year old boy who would stick it in the hole of anyone who gave them the slightest bit of attention? Because he's sensitive and intuitive, you say? Fuck that. He's an idiot, just as nearly everyone else in this movie is (Emma Stone remains unscathed by this hot mess). Love does indeed suck, but not nearly as much as this movie. F

In Which I'm Now Forced to Hate Emma Stone

I truly love Emma Stone, I really do. She won last year's Diva Cup Award for Best Actress, for goodness sake! But I love Andy more, arguably to the point of obsession, so that's why I must hate Emma now. Back off from my man, bitch!

But, goddamnit, these two are so cute together! Gah! So many conflicting feelings!

Finishing Up the 2010 Diva Cup Awards

As you may have noticed, 2010 has been over for nearly eight months, yet I'm still rolling out my Diva Cup Awards honoring the best in film from that year. I'm not one for deadlines, especially when it comes to this, but it's time to finish this up. The problem is, I don't really have the time or the energy to do a long write-up defending my choices at the moment. So, what I'll do is give you my nominees for Best Actor & Actress and my Top 10 Films of the year with the promise that I will write about these more in the future. I realize only a few people will actually care about that but it would be more for myself than anyone. Without further ado, here are the final awards:

Best Actor

Aaron Eckhart, Rabbit Hole

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine

Édgar Ramirez, Carlos

Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter

And the Diva Cup Award Goes to: Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

Best Actress

Katie Jarvis, Fish Tank

Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole

Lesley Manville, Another Year

Emma Stone, Easy A

Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Emma Stone, Easy A

Top 10 Films of 2010

10. Catfish (Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman)

09. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (Ricki Stern and Anne Sundberg)

08. The Last Exorcism (Daniel Stamm)

07. The Fighter (David O. Russell)

06. Winter's Bone (Debra Granik)

05. Everyone Else (Maren Ade)

04. Blue Valentine (Derek Cianfrance)

03. Dogtooth (Giorgos Lanthimos)

02. The Social Network (David Fincher)

01. Fish Tank (Andrea Arnold)

2010 Diva Cup Awards: The "Extra" Categories

Best Ensemble

Dogtooth

[Christos Stergioglou, Michele Valley, Aggeliki Papoulia, Mary Tsoni, Hristos Passalis, Anna Kalaitzidou]

The Fighter

[Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams, Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, Jack McGee]

For Colored Girls

[Kimberly Elise, Thandie Newton, Loretta Devine, Phylicia Rashad, Whoopi Goldberg, Anika Noni Rose, Kerry Washington, Janet Jackson, Tessa Thompson, Macy Gray]

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

[Micheal Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Alisson Pill, Ellen Wong, Kieran Culkin, Anna Kendrick, Mark Webber, Johnny Simmons, Chris Evans, Brie Larson, Brandon Routh] 

The Social Network

[Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Armie Hammer, Justin Timberlake, Max Minghella, Rooney Mara, Joseph Mazzello, Brenda Song]

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Social Network

Best Scene

Blue Valentine

The "Sex" Scene

I wrote about this scene more in depth right after seeing the film. Dean wants to have sex with his wife but only wants it if she's a willing participant. A scarily intense moment.

Easy A

Sharpening Your Pencils?

There are far more clever moments in Easy A, but this is the scene I watch repeatedly on YouTube and laugh my ass off at every time.

For Colored Girls

Opera/Rape

Tyler Perry gets a lot of flack for not being a "real" artist, a minstrel show creator who caters to the lowest common denominator. I disagree strongly and would point anyone to this masterful scene in For Colored Girls. Perry crosscuts between a woman have a dramatic moment of catharsis while watching an opera while another is raped by an acquaintance. In a movie full of heavy moments, this is both the heaviest and the one that has the biggest impact on the film.

The Social Network

Eduardo's Bad Night

Andy Garfield is at his best when he's juggling 14 emotions at once, so watch him deal with a lack of sleep, a stalker girlfriend, an angry Mark on the phone berating him for freezing their bank accounts and a small fire all in a matter of two minutes.

Toy Story 3

Pit of Hell

I may or may not have laughed completely inappropriately during this moment in the theatre. Looking back, I realize that this happened not because it was a cheesy or over-the-top moment. Rather, seeing the toys face their own mortality in such an honest and straightforward way was such a dark, twisted and unexpected moment that I started laughing in shock.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Blue Valentine

Best Musical Scene

Blue Valentine

"You Always Hurt the Ones You Love"

Cute and fun in the moment, a dark foreshadowing once the movie has ended. 

Burlesque

"Welcome to Burlesque"

It's Cher, motherfuckers. 

Easy A

"Knock on Wood"

I think a better question is how I can't not nominate a musical sequence that involves Emma Stone in a red feather boa and Penn Badgley covered in blue body paint?

Easy A

"Pocketful of Sunshine"

Everyone has had a moment in their life when they couldn't get a song they hated out of their head and ended up loving the song. This was a hilarious slice-of-life moment.

The Runaways

"Cherry Bomb"

If you didn't take Kristen and Dakota seriously as legitimate rockers before this scene, you certainly did afterwards. Captures the fun of the girls while proving they could rock as hard as the boys.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Runaways

Best Quote/Line Reading

Black Swan

"I'm the Swan Queen!"

I'm 95% sure Portman and Aronofsky didn't mean for this line to turn out as campy as it sounds hurling out of Portman's mouth, but I can't help but giggle every time I think about this scene. And you don't know how many times I've resisted shouting this out loud for no reason.

Blue Valentine

“So there’s a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods. The child molester and the boy keep walking further and further and it is getting darker and darker and they are going deeper and deeper into the woods. And the little boy looks up at the child molester and says, ‘Gee, mister, I’m getting scared!’  The child molester looks down at him and says, ‘You think you’re scared, kid? I gotta walk out of here alone!’”

To say this was unexpected would be an understatement. Both Dean and the audience are left to re-evaluate Cindy after she drops this joke; who knew she had it in her? And I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh inappropriately at it.

Easy A

"He got a Coke Zero again? Oh that Roman. Incorrigible!"

It's an inconsequential one-liner, but besides the sharpening the pencils scene and her facial expression when her lobster comes at the restaurant, it's my favorite Emma Stone moment in the film. With her tinge of sarcasm, I feel like we would be great friends. 

Inception

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

The sexual tension between Eames and Arthur was one of the few sparks that made Inception's 2-D characters come alive. It's rather fitting that this quote is said during a "Who's got the bigger gun/cock?" contest between the two.

The Social Network

"You better lawyer up, asshole, because I'm not coming back for 30%. I'm coming back for everything." 

The Social Network is full of snappier one-liners, but I absolutely love the way Andy reads this line. He's so fucking fed up and revenge is the only way to satiate that anger.

And the Diva Cup goes to: Easy A

Breakthrough Performance

Cam Gigandet

Burlesque

Gigandet has been on my radar for a couple years now, but, sadly, it has never been for his acting. The boy has a body to die for, yet his personality has never been as fascinating on-screen. However, in Burlesque, of all films, Gigandet finally proved that he could turn up the star mojo while saving the film from complete unwatchability. The Famous Amos scene, rightly so, became the most notorious scene in the movie and will hopefully turn this pretty boy's career around.

Armie Hammer

The Social Network

I didn't think Armie was anything more than serviceable the first two go-arounds with The Social Network. Suddenly, however, on my third viewing everything fell into place. This massively built, gorgeous young man with a hulking presence also had impeccable comedic timing (some guys really do have all the luck). The fact that he decided to follow up The Social Network's success with an Eastwood-directed biopic where he plays a gay-leaning man instead of a dumb action film, which he's well-suited for given his frame, is proof that Armie's in it for the long haul.

Josh Hutcherson

The Kids Are All Right

Although I'm unfamiliar with his work, Josh has been around for years as a go-to child actor in films such as Bridge to Teribitha and Zathura. The Kids Are All Right proved that he has the talent and drive to move into more adult roles. And it was this drive that landed him the role he so desperately wanted in the upcoming blockbuster Hunger Games. I can't wait to see what he chooses after that.

Jennifer Lawrence

Winter's Bone

Jennifer was a revelation as the tough, woman on a mission in Winter's Bone. What surprised me even more, though, was the fact that the same woman who played Ree was also this bombshell who showed off her ample bosom at the Oscars. If there was a role that would somehow combine these two aspects of herself, I have a feeling Jennifer would be unstoppable.

Tahar Rahim

Un Prophète

After such a brave and unassuming (meant in the best way possible) debut, I'll be interested to see if Rahim will stay in Europe or move on the Hollywood. Either way, I think he'll continue to pick interesting projects that will his unusual gifts to their full effect.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Armie Hammer, The Social Network

Best Diva

Cher

Burlesque

Diva Moment: Cher, in all her Cher-ness, introducing herself and the theatre in the 'Welcome to Burlesque' number.

Marion Cotillard

Inception

Diva Moment: Continuously invading Cobb's sub-conscious, distracting him from accomplishing the task on hand.

Thandie Newton

For Colored Girls

Diva Moment: Throwing down with legends Phyllicia Rashad and Whoopi Goldberg.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

Diva Moment: The whole film really is a testament to what a diva Joan is. This woman has had so much shit thrown at her but each time she's rebounded stronger (and bitchier) than ever before.

Winona Ryder

Black Swan

Diva Moment: "Did you suck his cock?"

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

Best Sexpot

Michael Fassbender

Fish Tank

Fuck Me Moment: I have to pick just one?! That's impossible. But I can narrow it down to two key moments: his shirtless introduction to both Mia and the audience and the scene where he spanks Mia.

Andrew Garfield

Red Riding: 1974

Fuck Me Moment: Andy had me at the Sexhair, but the moment where he walks around in the smallest briefs possible after boning some chick didn't hurt.

Cam Gigandet

Burlesque

Fuck Me Moment: Lord knows I love Famous Amos cookies, but even I was saying, "Drop the box!" during that scene.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Love & Other Drugs

Anne Hathaway

Love & Other Drugs

Fuck Me Moment: The part where they lie around naked. Oh, right, that's the whole damn movie! Lucky us!

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Michael Fassbender, Fish Tank

Best Cameo/Limited Performance

Bianca Hunter, Jenna Lamia, Erica McDermott, Melissa McMeekin, Kate B. O'Brien, Jill Quigg and Dendrie Taylor

The Fighter

Without these ladies classing the film up, The Fighter would not have felt as authentic and true-to-life as it did and its success counted on. The casting director deserves major kudos for finding this classic "Army of Skanks".

Brie Larson

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

It was nice to see Larson move from the super-stylized world of Diablo Cody into the the different super-stylized world of Scott Pilgrim without missing a beat.

Juliette Lewis

Conviction

A full-blown performance in only two short scenes. Lewis adds on baity mannerism after baity mannerism, but she also manages to convey the hurt, anger, pride and smarts of this woman--all while in a drug-induced haze. Brilliant, brilliant work.

Winona Ryder

Black Swan

Another two-scene wonder with Ryder portraying the downfall of a vulgar, has-been, alcoholic ballerina with legitimate star power. Is her comeback imminent? 

Douglas Urbanski

The Social Network

A hilariously unexpected treat. I never would have guessed this minor moment would bring so many laughs.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Juliette Lewis, Conviction

Best Poster

Black Swan

I Am Love

Love & Other Drugs

Rabbit Hole

The Social Network

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Love & Other Drugs

Somewhat Easy B-

Piss-your-pants funny, witty, occassionally smart, even downright clever in parts and led by an intelligent, versatile young comedienne, Easy A is an oddity as both a Hollywood studio comedy and a film about high school. And, as a rarity in today's film landscape, a film like Easy A is bound to be praised for things it simply isn't. Much like Drew Barrymore's Whip It! last year, another slightly uneven film celebrated for its "girl power" while majore problems were ignored, Easy A gets a lot right but also fails (miserably, in some regards) in portions. Right from the get go, the first of Easy A's problems rears its ugly little head: that voiceover. Granted, some viewers may find its self-consciousness and constant calling of attention to itself, as in the many instances where Emma Stone brings up some high school movie cliché and then reassures the audience that this movie is not like that at all refreshing and engaging. But nothing irritates me more than when writing is too clever for its own good. It's so post-modern it makes me want to puke. Diablo Cody is able to find a nice balance, miraculously, between quirk and character; narration like that in Easy A or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which was similarly self-conscious and smug, are simply too clever for their own good.

Along those same lines, halfway through the film, Easy A decides that it wants to become a tribute to the legacy of John Hughes' films. That's all fine and dandy, even if the whole conceit is a little on-the-nose and dubious to begin with, but the way it is introduced makes no sense. It's as if halfway through writing the script, the screenwriters realized something was missing and thought that the answer was more pop culture referencing. And if you're going to make a pop culture reference in a high school movie, it has to be about the films of John Hughes. Easy A makes a grand issue out of Emma Stone's character wanting her life to emulate Sixteen Candles but, honestly, it doesn't need it.

Finally, and most glaringly, Easy A can't decide whether or not it wants to condemn Emma Stone's character for her sexual "exploits" or celebrate her for daring to flaunt them in front of the entire school. At some points in the film, Easy A wants Emma's character to be a hero for the way she defies the social norm that, as Lil' Kim best described, "If a guy has two girls than he's the man/But if a girl does the same than she's a whore." When she emblazons that scarlet A on her clothes, she wears it with pride as she walks down the hallway. On the other hand, Easy A also wants her to be thought of as the bad guy for taking charge of her sexuality, even though it's a complete lie. Just when you think Easy A is ready to make a decision, whether or not it's the right decision, the film oscillates to the other side as quickly as it can. The film may think it's indecision is saying something profound, but it becomes a major problem.

This isn't to say that the film is a complete failure. On the contrary, actually. Easy A has some hilarious moments and an incredibly game cast who does wonders with their characters. Patricia Clarkson, Stanley Tucci and Penn Badgley (who instantly reminded me why I fell in love with him during the first season of Gossip Girl here), in particular, were stand outs among the supporting cast. But the true star of the film is, of course, Emma Stone, proving once and for all to all the skeptics that after playing the sidekick to Jonah Hill, Jesse Eisenberg and Anna Faris, she is a legitimate leading lady. She's Lindsay Lohan without an ounce of shame or the apprehension that mars her best work (Mean Girls, obviously). Whether she's singing obnoxiously to 'Pocketful of Sunshine,' trading one-liners with Penn, conversing with her folks, pretending she's a Tennessee Williams heroine or pretending to have sex with a gay man, Stone is a fearless comedienne and an absolute joy to watch. Here's hoping the rumor that she's up for the female lead in the Spider-Man reboot with Andy Garfield (!!!) is true; if those two are together, I may actually be legitimately excited for that film. B-