Some People Call Me a Teenage Idol

I have been working on a screenplay off and on for the past couple of years. I'll spare you the gory details, because there's nothing more dull than listening to a wannabe writer rambling on about his future masterpiece, but one of the major characters is a 1960's male teen idol. Knowing nothing about this era of music, apart from a couple of seasons of American Dreams, I turned to a friend who did know a thing or two about it for some suggestions of artists to look at. A lot of his suggestions did nothing for me personally, even if they did give me a greater sense of the period, but there was one teen idol who caught my attention: Ricky Nelson.

The only thing I knew about Ricky before all this was that he was on The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet, one of those "perfect 1950's families" sitcoms that were popular back in the day, and that he was often cited as one of the earliest influences on rock & roll. Other than that, absolutely nothing. So I was fascinated to find out some of the backstage dirt about the Nelson family and their show. In case you don't know, The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet was, in a way, reality TV before there was such a thing. Ozzie & Harriet Nelson, along with their two sons Ricky and David, essentially played themselves on the TV show, using real life situations as plot points on the show. The show was on for 14 years, so the world literally saw the boys grow up before their eyes. God, can you imagine someone taping you all the time while you were going through puberty? If you think I'm awkward now, just imagine me at 13 years old, my voice squeaking and wearing awful, oversized clothes. Not a pretty picture, eh? I don't know how Ricky and David did it.

Ricky's music career started after boasting to a friend about making an album. Ozzie, the show's mastermind and control freak extraordinaire, saw this is an opportunity to appeal to Ricky's popularity as the young heartthrob. The ploy worked as he immediately shot to the top of the charts and landed 30 Top 40 hits within a seven year or so span, only behind Elvis and Pat Boone. And Ricky accomplished all this without appearing on shows like American Bandstand and Ed Sullivan which would have boosted his popularity even further, as Ozzie used his career to the show's benefit. Whether or not that was the right move for him we will never know. What we do know, however, is that he made some mighty fine tunes that, from time period with a lot of disposable junk, sound just as great as they did back in the day. Some of his goodies include 'It's Up to You,' 'Teenage Idol' and 'You Know What I Mean,' but my absolute favorites are 'Poor Little Fool' and 'Hello Mary Lou'. While 'Hello Mary Lou' is silly, catchy-as-hell fun, 'Poor Little Fun' is a darkish cover of a then-popular song about a player who finally gets played that actually helped me when writing my screenplay.

  Poor Little Fool by lanarchyfan521 

  Hello Mary Lou by lanarchyfan521

Finally, how can we discuss Ricky Nelson without talking about how beautiful he was? Swoon! Talk about a teenage dream. I feel bad for his poor brother who not only didn't have Ricky's musical talent but also had to compete with him in the looks department.

Unfortunately for him, there was no real competition as Ricky would always win, hands down. Poor David. It's not his fault he inherited his father's unfortunate-looking face. Oh well. Let's look at a couple more pictures of Ricky being pretty.

I love this last one because he's doing the Nicky Hoult lip snarl decades before Nicky first did. Sexy as hell, I must say.

Welcome Back, Glee...

...Well, it's not exactly "back" since the writing is still shit, the acting is nearly unstomachable and the whole gay angle is handled only slightly better than one of the episodes on an Alan Ball TV show where the gay character(s) deliver the most awful, holier-than-thou sermon this side of a papal mass. Considering the hot mess the show was when I gave up on it last season, and how much anger I had towards it for wasting both its potential and my time week after week, I never thought I would be able to take anything it did seriously ever again. And, judging by the reaction this season from even the most hardcore Gleetards, the show's novelty was beginning to wear off quickly. But, out of nowhere, the show went back to its roots with this performance from a new cast member:



Wow, that was surprisingly refreshing. My biggest complaint with Glee towards the end of the run of episodes I watched was that they weren't even bothering to do anything to make the songs their own. In the beginning, especially in the pilot episode with 'Rehab' and 'Don't Stop Believin',' Glee wasn't afraid to interpret the songs in new and original ways. By the end of the first run, however, the show was falling prey to its own hype and started cranking out those songs to suck as much money out of buyers as they could. Some of the songs were so terrible they sounded like someone bought a karaoke tape, pressed play, let Lea Michelle sing shriek over everyone and then called it a day ('Bad Romance,' I'm looking at you). Apparently this has only gotten worse this season, especially with the jukebox musical/theme episodes. But this rendition of 'Teenage Dream' is absolutely stunning. What I love most about the arrangement is that it's stripped down to an acapella core yet the song's emotion, which Katy Perry emotes so vividly over the electropop-ness of the original, loses none of its power or urgency.



And the person who I think should be credited mostly for the success of this rendition is Glee newcomer Darren Criss. As you can see, I'm clearly in love with him and will stop at nothing until he's mine. Apparently, the University of Michigan graduate (two hours away from me!) is famous for something called A Very Potter Musical, which made it's way online earlier this year. I tried watching it but it made very little sense to me as I haven't read a Harry Potter book since Bill Clinton was president. Anyways, on the show, Darren plays Blaine, Kurt's new gay buddy who is there solely to provide support and tell Kurt to stand up for himself. In other words, the character's a total snoozefest and didn't give Darren much to play with in his first appearance. But that hardly matters when your debut musical performance is something as amazing as his version of 'Teenage Dream.' His husky voice is in definite contrast to Katy's light and airy vocals on the original but he manages to keep the song sexy in his own way. Just by emphasizing the wrong word, the lyric, "I'ma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans/I'll be your teenage dream tonight," could have become an epic disaster but he actually turns it into a sly, subtle invitation that makes it even hotter. Speaking of hotness, I also love the way that, like Kurt/Chris Colfer, Darren isn't one of those generic, plastic-looking gays that seem to populate shows of this nature and, unlike Kurt/Chris Colfer, he has his own brand of sexiness that can't be reproduced. It appears that many others out there agree with me as he has instantly become the most buzzed about new cast member since, I don't know, ever and there are even talks about making him a series regular. Seems like a good idea at this point since his song is currently at #1 on the iTunes chart, sodomizing the other songs from the episode, and is on track to be the highest charting single from Glee since 'Don't Stop Believin'.' I'm sure once Glee gets their hands on Darren they will ruin him like they have every other aspect of the show but let's just enjoy him in all his glory for the moment.

Somewhat Easy B-

Piss-your-pants funny, witty, occassionally smart, even downright clever in parts and led by an intelligent, versatile young comedienne, Easy A is an oddity as both a Hollywood studio comedy and a film about high school. And, as a rarity in today's film landscape, a film like Easy A is bound to be praised for things it simply isn't. Much like Drew Barrymore's Whip It! last year, another slightly uneven film celebrated for its "girl power" while majore problems were ignored, Easy A gets a lot right but also fails (miserably, in some regards) in portions. Right from the get go, the first of Easy A's problems rears its ugly little head: that voiceover. Granted, some viewers may find its self-consciousness and constant calling of attention to itself, as in the many instances where Emma Stone brings up some high school movie cliché and then reassures the audience that this movie is not like that at all refreshing and engaging. But nothing irritates me more than when writing is too clever for its own good. It's so post-modern it makes me want to puke. Diablo Cody is able to find a nice balance, miraculously, between quirk and character; narration like that in Easy A or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which was similarly self-conscious and smug, are simply too clever for their own good.

Along those same lines, halfway through the film, Easy A decides that it wants to become a tribute to the legacy of John Hughes' films. That's all fine and dandy, even if the whole conceit is a little on-the-nose and dubious to begin with, but the way it is introduced makes no sense. It's as if halfway through writing the script, the screenwriters realized something was missing and thought that the answer was more pop culture referencing. And if you're going to make a pop culture reference in a high school movie, it has to be about the films of John Hughes. Easy A makes a grand issue out of Emma Stone's character wanting her life to emulate Sixteen Candles but, honestly, it doesn't need it.

Finally, and most glaringly, Easy A can't decide whether or not it wants to condemn Emma Stone's character for her sexual "exploits" or celebrate her for daring to flaunt them in front of the entire school. At some points in the film, Easy A wants Emma's character to be a hero for the way she defies the social norm that, as Lil' Kim best described, "If a guy has two girls than he's the man/But if a girl does the same than she's a whore." When she emblazons that scarlet A on her clothes, she wears it with pride as she walks down the hallway. On the other hand, Easy A also wants her to be thought of as the bad guy for taking charge of her sexuality, even though it's a complete lie. Just when you think Easy A is ready to make a decision, whether or not it's the right decision, the film oscillates to the other side as quickly as it can. The film may think it's indecision is saying something profound, but it becomes a major problem.

This isn't to say that the film is a complete failure. On the contrary, actually. Easy A has some hilarious moments and an incredibly game cast who does wonders with their characters. Patricia Clarkson, Stanley Tucci and Penn Badgley (who instantly reminded me why I fell in love with him during the first season of Gossip Girl here), in particular, were stand outs among the supporting cast. But the true star of the film is, of course, Emma Stone, proving once and for all to all the skeptics that after playing the sidekick to Jonah Hill, Jesse Eisenberg and Anna Faris, she is a legitimate leading lady. She's Lindsay Lohan without an ounce of shame or the apprehension that mars her best work (Mean Girls, obviously). Whether she's singing obnoxiously to 'Pocketful of Sunshine,' trading one-liners with Penn, conversing with her folks, pretending she's a Tennessee Williams heroine or pretending to have sex with a gay man, Stone is a fearless comedienne and an absolute joy to watch. Here's hoping the rumor that she's up for the female lead in the Spider-Man reboot with Andy Garfield (!!!) is true; if those two are together, I may actually be legitimately excited for that film. B-

Jailbait No More

As of this very moment, America's favorite piece of jailbait, Nick Jonas, is of legal age in the United States. Let's take a moment to rejoice this fact.


Nick is certainly happy. And I am, too. I've made no secret of my attraction to the youngest Jonas but I've always felt the eensiest bit guilty over it. Even though Nick was technically "legal" in some states, it still felt wrong to (for lack of a better word) sexualize him. He's not Taylor Lautner, where his whole persona is based on taking off his shirt at the drop of a hat and baring his chest; he's just a dude who is known for playing his guitar and never smiling on his TV show. So I resisted for many, many months being a complete horndog over every little revealing picture of Nick I've seen online (in public, anyways). But now the time has come to lift the embargo. He's 18 now and I'm now free to lust without the slightest bit of recourse (except from those odd ducks who don't find him hot). Here are some pictures of Nick being especially sexy; it feels like the only appropriate way to celebrate this monumental day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK, YOU SEXY PIECE OF ASS!

RIP Rich Cronin

Horrible news, late 90's boy band fans. Rich Cronin, member of LFO, has passed away at 35 after a battle with leukemia. LFO isn't quite as well remembered today as some of its counterparts from the time period, but they hold a special place in my heart from their brief tenure at the top. Back in the distant, distant past, before I knew I was gay, I had this magazine with a picture of LFO that provided more than its fair share of fantasies pour moi. Rich and the other hottie of the group, Devin, were quite fit back in the day. I know that's probably not exactly how he would want to be remembered, but being pre-teen masturbatory fodder is quite a huge compliment (especially since I wasn't as big of a whore as I am today). But not only was he a good looker, the group's 'Summer Girls' was quite literally my jam of the summer of '99. The video was one of the staples on TRL at that period of time, and I loved it to pieces back in the day. True, the lyrics are kinda painful to listen to today, but it captured a brief period of time perfectly when white boy wannabe hip-hoppers got lumped in with the Boy Band Craze dominating the world at that time. Besides, what 20-something doesn't automatically think of 'Summer Girls' when someone talks about Abercrombie & Fitch? Hell, one of my blog's labels comes from that song. So, yes, not exactly great, but the song's power is everlasting.

The real tragedy of Cronin's death goes even deeper than his literal death. Cronin is one of the first of my pre-teen idols to pass away. I may not have thought about him in ages, but his death is a reminder that we are all growing older and the people my generation worshiped back in junior high is also getting older. I'm saddened by Cronin's passing, and he was only a minor influence. I can't imagine what will happen when a major player, like a BSB member or Jessica Simpson, eventually passes. Everyone from that time period is irreplaceable and it saddens me to think that they won't all be around at some point. RIP Rich, you made my transition from elementary school to junior high, from my old house to my new one a teensy bit easier with your music. You will be missed.