In Which I'm Now Forced to Hate Emma Stone

I truly love Emma Stone, I really do. She won last year's Diva Cup Award for Best Actress, for goodness sake! But I love Andy more, arguably to the point of obsession, so that's why I must hate Emma now. Back off from my man, bitch!

But, goddamnit, these two are so cute together! Gah! So many conflicting feelings!

The Bitch is Gone

Today's announcement that Zac Efron and his longtime girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens had called it quits was like an early Christmas present. No, wait, it was actually more like a hug from Baby Jesus. Actually, it was like a hug from Our Lord and Savior Oprah after appearing on her Favorite Things episode and winning a trip around the world on a plane piloted by Betty White and Mariah Carey. He's finally free of that soul-sucking harpy, y'all! Let's take a moment to let it sink in.

...

Feels good, doesn't it? Now he can go out and do what boys his age should be doing: going out to the bar, getting drunk and scoring some hot pieces of ass. We hear that Joe McElderry is ready and willing. Your move, Efron.

EXCLUSIVE: Nicky Hoult Likes to Hang Out With Girls (And Possibly Touch Their Boobs)

Apparently, one of Nicky Hoult's publicists decided that he's spent a bit too much time associated with gay things. Which, if you think about it, he has sort of built his career on homoerotic parts. Whether he's making out with Maxxie on series one of Skins, performing on the West End in the gay-themed New Boy, showing off his bum in A Single Man or modeling for Tom Ford as his new muse, Nicky does enjoy the gay material. So, in an effort to prove Nicky isn't a big fat homo, someone decided to link him with burgeoning Disney starlet Victoria Justice this past weekend at Wimbledon. I don't want to say this was a bad idea, but let's just say they look about as interested in each other as Clay Aiken and one of his female backup singers.

To be honest, I doubt this was a hookup of any sorts. More than likely, the two of them happened to be next to each other, not paying attention and someone snapped a photo of them. I doubt Nicky even knows who Victoria Justice is (hell, she's only a Nickelodeon star); he certainly has better things to do (being someone's muse takes up a lot of time, don't you know?). If they're gonna pair him up with some American tween starlet, how about someone, you know, actually interesting. I hear Demi is single these days (although she just stopped being someone else's beard). How about Selena? Everybody likes her (except my friend Kelli because she's "too cute").

And, for your enjoyment, here are some bonus pictures of our boy Nicky sans Nickelodeon starlet. I have to say, after looking at these photographs, it's becoming more and more evident that other men should just give up on life. There's no way you're ever going to be as perfect as Nicky, so why fucking bother?

My New Favorite Celebrity Couple

Move over, Brangelina. Suck on it, Tomkat. Get over yourself, Zanessa. Deal with it, Gyllenspoon. There's a hot new celebrity couple in town and their name is Meestan. Or Leighstian. Or Sebton. Okay, so I haven't decided on a cutesy, tabloid-ready power couple name yet, but Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan are officially my favorite celebrity couple in Hollywood. They haven't had any public fights or major controversies yet, but they are friggin' talented and two of the best looking members of Young Hollywood who someone how manage to look even better when they're together. Here are some of my favorite pics of them being completely cutesy and adorable (while somehow managing not to be gag-inducing).

Zac and Nikki: Match Made in Heaven?

I was flipping through some trashy tabloid a few days ago and I came across this article that said that Hairspray co-stars Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky were a couple. At first, I was a little surprised by this announcement because for years Hollywood has pounded into my head that skinny white boys like Efron only date skinny white chicks like Lindsay Lohan or Hillary Duff, but now I'm totally in love with this relationship. We all know my dream couple and this is basically them except a few years younger and Nikki Blonsky just sings like a black girl. Unfortunately, there might be some problems in the future because of their different religious faiths: Zac is Jewish (I had no idea) and Nikki is some kind of Christian (Catholic I think, but don't quote me). Maybe they can overcome these differences because they like to talk about serious things like the war in Iraq and global warming, which Zac never could with his ex Vanessa Anne Hudgens (I'm not making this last part up---it was in that article).

Reese and Jake Split

In case you haven’t heard, this past week Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon officially ended their relationship even though they were never "officially" going out. Apparently, the reason behind the split is that Reese wants to spend more time with her family. To tell you the truth, I’m really not sure what to think about this. On one hand, I’m excited because Jakey is free again (and those gay rumors can start all over again). On the other hand, I’m disappointed because I was totally ready for this new power couple. They’re young, drop dead gorgeous and, above all, extremely talented; if they had adopted children, they already would have had Brangelina beat. Plus, just imagine how amazing their celebrity name could have been if they would have stayed together longer: Gyllenspoon or Witherhaal. Those are simply fantastic and I would have enjoyed saying that over and over again. Alas, we’ll always have Rendition, the film they met on, which is supposed to be released November 30th.

(NOTE: I don’t know if you can see over the writing, but isn’t Jakey wearing the most fab jeans in this picture? I know they are probably from some big name designer and cost $400, but I totally want a pair)