100 Hot Men and a Dame: #79 Ryan Phillippe

79. Ryan Phillippe

Occupation: Actor

Nationality: American

Age: 37

Best Known For: Late 90s teenage heartthrob who grew up to become Mr. Reese Witherspoon for a time and a pretty decent actor (Stop-Loss).

The first of the Lost Entries of the 100 Hot Men and a Dame series makes its debut today! Perennial contributor Dave helps me out again to discuss DILF Ryan Phillippe. I'm presenting the post as it was originally written months ago, but it should be noted that I have now seen Cruel Intentions properly and not only is Ryan's ass damn fine but it's probably the crowning achievement of his acting career. Severely underrated.

Dame James: When did you first encounter Ryan and, if it wasn't love at first sight, when did you fall in love with him?

Dave: I first saw Ryan in Cruel Intentions. I was only 10 or 11 when it was actually released, but thankfully for my lustful hormones, I didn't see it until a few years later, which meant I FULLY appreciated him in it. I mean, that butt shot is still the talk of the gays over twelve years later! I mean, it may actually be the most perfect bum of them all, and you know I was going on about Rafa's when we discussed Andy Roddick (who also has a nice bum. OH GOOD LORD.). I know we're going into more cerebral reasons behind attractiveness here, or at least less shallow, but pure horny attraction to physicality is undeniably the driving force behind this countdown and well, with Ryan, it mostly is about the robust, muscular curves of his bottom and arms and chest and oh I'll be back in a moment...

ANYWAY. Looking at Ryan's filmography, he hasn't actually been in that many films of much interest - when The Lincoln Lawyer is your most prominent credit of the last three years, you can see he's lost interest in acting. But he was superb in Stop-Loss - finally proving that he has a vulnerability and depth to him, which was rather a revelation, although I'd wager that his cruel game-playing with Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions was almost as much of an acting coup, because not everyone can do it with such panache.

I'd also like to note how, despite the perfection of the arse circa-1999, Ryan seems to have really found his sweet spot around recent years. The behind might have been fine, but I always found him a bit off somehow - perhaps it was the Justin Timberlake hair. But photos in the past few years have just shown, to me, human perfection - a sculpted, relaxed face, strong shoulders, and a musculature that's not overdeveloped but still screams "MAN!"

DJ: I'm pretty sure I first saw him in Cruel Intentions in the severely edited version they show on TV, and I was never that into him. He was rather frail with features that were perhaps a touch feminine; in other words, he was a true teenage heartthrob. He also had that late 90's vibe around him which is great for nostalgia but maybe not the sexiest look ever. But perhaps if I had gotten a VHS copy and saw the butt scene for myself, maybe I would have come around on him sooner. I've still never seen the scene for myself, but I have seen stills, and Holy Jesus what a glorious ass! I love how it stands out and makes a statement against his (then) skinny frame. It's not ridiculously large but it's big enough that it makes you go "Dayummmm" every time you look at it.

It wasn't until the time of Stop-Loss that I realized I was attracted to Ryan. You talk about how this countdown is designed to discuss attractive men and what makes them so desirable beyond their surface features, and for the most part that's true. But when it comes to Ryan, there are no cerebral reasons why I'm attracted to him: it's pure, animalistic lust. He was fine in Stop-Loss and I'd wager as well he's probably a lot better than we ever gave him credit for in Cruel Intentions. But besides Igby Goes Down, where he really turns up the preppie rich boy machismo, there's really not much of note in his filmography. It's mostly a lot of mediocre rolls in would-be prestige pictures. Without the work to back him up, it's all about that ass. But I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. It is better to be famous for something superficial than to not be famous at all.

D: That photo is absolutely transfixing. Yes, let's abandon pretense - I'm going to focus on the physical details. The nipples there are just so small and alive! The six-pack that isn't outrageously defined but enough that you know you could probably punch it and your hand would hurt. The vague stubble. And he's clearly in the middle of a 'fuck you' walk where he ignores everyone in his path. (I do those a lot. Sadly I never look like this while doing them.)

Looking at other photos, I think he really needs the stubble - he looks too small without it, a bit meek. I think it really gives him that extra swagger. I'm glad he figured out that the curls in his hair really don't suit as well - short back and sides really work here (hence the perfection of being cast as a soldier).

DJ: I believe that it was after he divorced Reese Witherspoon that he got super hot. I'm really starting to think she is the Devil in human form because she not only held him back from reaching his full hotness potential, but she also stunted Jake Gyllenhaal there for awhile. What is her problem, exactly? Do you think she doesn't get enough satisfaction from her millions and resorts to taunting us little people to pass the time?

D: Ryan and Reese were kind of a nice normal couple to look at while they were together, but I never really thought about them at all. And you're right, it really was once they split that he came to proper fruition. Almost as though she was holding him back in those teenage roles, so only when he broke away from that did he figure out he was all grown up. I don't know what it is about her, there must be something in that chin...

DJ: Once he ditched his late 90's pretty boy look, I think he truly discovered his sexiness. Which is a rarity, as only a select few men find their hotness peak as late in their career as Ryan did. I guess fatherhood and ditching the Pointy Chined One (seriously, her chin must have been named in the divorce suit as one of the causes for irreconcilable differences) really suited him in the looks department.

D: I see Ryan's going to be making a move usually reserved for prolific actresses and heading for TV - a guest spot on Damages! It probably would've be a better move if the show hadn't been forced to move channels, but I hear they can swear on DirecTV? So maybe he'll take off some clothing. I may have to catch up.

DJ: I had not heard he was appearing on Damages! How positively exciting! I haven't seen the fourth season yet, due to it moving to a channel I don't get, but I was absolutely enthralled with the first three seasons. And the show has a great track record with late 90's teen stars transitioning into sexy maturity, particularly in the second season when they had Matthew Davis and Timothy Olyphant (sigh) on the show. He's actually a brilliant choice for the show, as his penchant for preppie upper class snobs is a perfect fit for Damages. And if he's even half as sexy as Olyphant was on that show--and trust me, Damages objectified Olyphant brilliantly--then watching it will be time well spent.

This Means Affectionate Straight Men in the Movies

[Very mild spoilers to follow, but, seriously, if you can't guess how This Means War will end ten minutes in, you clearly have never seen a romantic comedy in your life.]

From the moment we heard about the plot of This Means War, nearly every person I know has made the same wish: that somewhere in the film the two male stars, Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, would get naked and make out with each other. It was a futile wish, no doubt, since This Means War was always going to be a mainstream, conservative romantic comedy/action film hybrid and co-star Reese Witherspoon can't end up alone. But we still wished. In my case, right up until the opening credits. Needless to say, none of this happened; if anything, This Means War is as predictable as these things tend to be. But on the way to mediocrity and heteronormality, This Means War manages to present a narrative that could have handled my dream ending of Pine and Hardy's characters riding off into the sunset together.

From the beginning of the film, we see that Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FDR (Chris Pine) are close with each other. They have, what the kids like to call, a "bromance"--a really close friendship between two macho, heterosexual men who downplay their closeness by adding masculine prefixes to "girly" emotions. It's a strange phenomenon in our culture, refreshing on one hand to see men caring for each other but ultimately frustrating because they still have to hide their affection under incredibly masculine terms so as not to appear effeminate in any way. This Means War certainly follows this trend, but we quickly see that there's something more to this relationship.

Not ten minutes into the film, a brief but important scene comes up that completely changes the way we view their relationship. FDR and Tuck are at FDR's grandmother's house for some kind of family gathering, sitting together at a table in the back of the yard. It's certainly a strange sight: two bachelors in their 30's, one a serial dater, the other damaged after a relationship gone bad, huddled by themselves at a party, discussing how delicious the gluten-free cake is. After a conversation with FDR's grandmother about finding love, Tuck admits to FDR that he would love to settle down and grow old with someone, the way FDR's grandparents have. It sounds rather trite on paper, and perhaps it is, but this moment is important for two reasons. First of all, the film never once laughs at Tuck's outpouring of emotion and sentiment. There's no sense that director McG or that either of the actors are trying make him look like a fool for having these feelings or expressing them in this direct manner. It would have been all too easy for FDR's character to make one snide comment about him acting like a woman. Instead, he seems genuinely interested in what Tuck is saying. And this leads right in to my second point: there is genuine affection between these two men that many mainstream films would skim over. They listen to each other and only want the best for the other. Basically, when FDR and Tuck say that they would do anything for each other, you believe it.

Both of these points are repeatedly made throughout the film. After they both meet and fall for Lauren (Reese Witherspoon), Tuck takes her out on a date to the carnival. The problem is that FDR is expecting Tuck to hang out with him. He calls Tuck multiple times only to reach his voicemail. Each time, he leaves a message and they get increasingly rambly, clingy, worrisome and hilarious. In a way, the scene plays out like the stereotypical scene in nearly every modern romantic comedy where the heroine leaves a long-winded message for the guy who's just not that into her and she accidentally comes off like a crazed psychopath. The main difference between this and the scene in This Means War is that although it's funny, we're never laughing at FDR. We're laughing because Pine does a good job being incredibly awkward and tongue-tied, not because he's acting like a girl in the aforementioned clichéd scene and, haha, isn't it funny that he's leaving these messages for another guy? Where this scene could have easily taken the "let's laugh at the girly man" approach, you have to admire how Pine and McG go in the opposite direction.

By the end of the film, Lauren has chosen her man (surprise, it's the one who doesn't have a viable alternative introduced in the first ten minutes) and, after all the spying, cheating and unsportsman-like conduct, Tuck and FDR make up. Characteristically, they forgive each other with a hug and by telling each other they love them. Again, it's never crass and there's never any snickering about two heterosexual men saying "I love you" to each other. It's just a part of their relationship, a part of life, in general. So, maybe it's not completely believable that these two would run off together and live happily ever after. But it's not any more of a stretch than Reese picking either of the boys after their bland, generic courtships. I truly believe that Pine and Hardy have more chemistry and show more affection with each other than they every did with Reese Witherspoon's character. Perhaps this is all the more reason to cherish them not getting together, for this kind of relationship is not something you see every day in an American mainstream film. C

Rants on How Do You Know?

About three-quarters of the way through James L. Brooks' How Do You Know? my friend turned to me and said, "My lip is really swollen."

"Oh, really? Did this just happen?" I asked.

"Yeah, it was pretty recently." She went back to playing with her lip for a second before saying, "It feels like there's a pimple on my lip."

"On your lip?"

"Yeah."
"I've never heard of that. Usually you get them right here." I pointed to the skin just beneath my lip.

She nodded and we both went back to watching the movie, not really sure what was going on. A few seconds later, she told me, "You know, this conversation about my lip is a lot more interesting than this movie." No truer words have been spoken. D-

Academy Award-Winner Jean-Luc Godard

Up until a couple of days ago, I never thought I'd see the day when that phrase which litters so many prestige movies' trailers would be attached to notorious French director Jean-Luc Godard. Someone actually asked me if I ever thought he would get an honorary Oscar on my Formspring some months ago and I responded that there was no fucking way the same group who gave Slumdog Millionaire and Titanic their Best Picture award was going to honor the director whose idea of a "mainstream" film is Contempt and Detective. Not only is Godard not mainstream, he doesn't give a shit what the establishment thinks of him. Sounds like the perfect combination to never come within an inch of one. Granted, my guess for this honor is that it has something to do with his Breathless, quite possibly the most important film ever made after Citizen Kane, turning 50 this year (and you know they're cursing themselves that Truffaut isn't still alive because if they were going to honor the anniversary of the French New Wave, he'd be the safer director to go for). Either way, you have to hand it to the Academy for this bold, uncharacteristic move.

Now that The Master has been given this honor, a bigger question remains: will he even bother to show up and accept the award? Given the fact they can't even find the sneaky bastard to tell him the good news, my initial reaction is a big ole Whitney "Hell to the no!" But, then again, you never know. He could make an appearance just to say, "Fuck you" to all the Hollywood bigwigs in attendance. Who knows? If the people who ran this special ceremony where the honorary winners are honored were smart, they'd turn the whole thing into a "Will He or Won't He Show Up?" sort of affair. People can go around collecting bets and they'll be cameras around the building on constant "Godard Watch," hoping to catch a glimpse of him. And when whoever they get to present the award to him (my guess is someone like Martin Scorsese, but I LOVE my friend Joel's suggestion that Reese Witherspoon should present and give a speech about how Tout Va Bien changed her life), they should kill the lights for a minute to heighten the drama. When they come back on, either the stage will be empty or Jean-Luc will be standing there giving the finger to Clint Eastwood and whatever other Hollywood people are there. Sigh. Just when the regular Oscar telecast could have made something fun and fresh with the honorary Oscar, they had to go and make it its own non-televised ceremony.

All kidding aside, I'm fucking stoked that the greatest living director* is finally getting his due, even if its from a conservative, pedestrian awards group. From Nana's dance in Vivre sa vie to the agonizing traffic jam scene in Week End to Michel and Patricia spending an afternoon together in bed in Breathless, Godard has provided some of the most iconic moments of young moviewatching life. Thank you, Academy, whatever your reasons, for rewarding this true iconoclast.

*Not based on his current output, of which I've only seen Notre Musique and didn't understand a minute of it, but because of his pre-Tout Va Bien work.

This Trailer Makes Me Sad

I think that Reese Witherspoon is one of the funniest, most talented comediennes in Hollywood today. Her performances in Election and Legally Blonde just didn't come out of nowhere; they needed someone with a funny bone to make them work. Well, you wouldn't know it from the Four Christmases trailer that's been around for awhile. I have nothing against Vince Vaughn- I think he's a hilarious- but it just makes me sad that Reese couldn't get one. Hopefully this is just a case of a misleading trailer funny thing to do or say in the trailer. She spends most of the time playing the straight guy to Vaughn and even when she's given the chance to be funny (when the baby pukes on her), of course, all the attention is once again moved back to Vaughn. It's like the writers couldn't believe that a woman could be funny or that people wouldn't see this movie unless Vince Vaughn got to make all the jokes.and Reese actually gets to do something interesting in this film. I can't imagine why someone as big of a control freak as Reese would bother doing a film where her co-star gets all the funny bits while she just sits back and goes with the flow.

Random Top 10: A Tribute to America

As much as I bitch about America (which happens nearly every time I watch American Idol or see what a complete fucktard George Bush is) there are some generally good things about this place: Hollywood, Oprah, Jake Gyllenhaal, celebreailty, day-to-day coverage on the happenings of Britney Spears, freedom of speech (which allows me to get away with calling the president a fucktard), Emmy-award winner Kathy Griffin. I could go on, but you get the point. I kinda have a lot to be thankful for. So, in honor of America's 232nd birthday, here are some joyous tributes to America. Enjoy!

10.

9.

8.

"You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want to have a hot dog real bad."

7.

I understand Tilda's not American, but what other actress born in this country have you seen show this much patriotism at one point?

6.

5.

"Hello, Mr. President. Can I ask you something? Is the oval office as hard to vaccum as I think it is?"

4.

I'm not a huge fan of West Side Story, but Rita Moreno is absolutely amazing here. Love that skirt action!

3.

"I chose Mount Rushmore 'cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly, old mountain and put faces on it- faces of great Americans who did so much to make this country super great- well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American."

2.

"Why aren't they spinning?"

1.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for James Cagney, this movie and patriotic tunes. They all get me every time.

Rants on "Across the Universe" and "Rendition"

Across the Universe (Julie Taymor, 2007): I'm not going to deny the fact that the musical sequences in Across the Universe are a visual splendor for the eyes, because they are. My main problem with them is the fact is that there is no substance behind all the stylization- they are just unusual for the sake of being unusual. Take, for example, the scene in the bowling alley where Jude (Jim Sturgess) sings "I've Just Seen a Face." There are really quick shots of people throwing bowling balls one right after another, bright neon colors flashing for no reason and people sliding the alley lanes that don't really connect to each other or to the song. The only shot I did particularly enjoy was the 5 second shot in which Jude lies on his back and slides down the alley, because it captured what the song was about- him falling head over heels in love with Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood) and not caring.

In those rare instances when the music sequence starts off brilliant, Taymor often fucks it up somewhere towards the middle and makes it less powerful. Overall, "Strawberry Fields Forever" is the best number in the film- the parallels she draws between the strawberries, the song and the Vietnam War are lovely and the image of the strawberries nailed on the wall is just beautiful. But then, as if she doesn't trust in her own ability, she hits us over the head with a sledgehammer to try the ram the point in. She bombards us with loud explosions and chaotic images of a battle field that are a touch too obvious. "Hey Jude" also starts off great, but lost me at the point where the street urchins crowd around Jude and start sing the "Na na na na na na, hey Jude" part.

And don't even get me started about how God-awful the story is. Jude and Lucy fall in love way too quickly and everything afterwards is about as cliched as The Notebook. The rest of the characters hardly even matter in the course of the film and poor lezzie bo-bo Prudence could have been written out completely with absolutely no impact on the story. Evan Rachel Wood is merely adequate as Lucy and her voice is average, at best (although "It Won't Be Long" is kinda awful) while Jim Sturgess is a bit better but still not amazing.


Rendition (Gavin Hood, 2007): I hate how most of the positive reviews for this film (which are, admittedly, few and far between) proclaim that if you don't like this movie you must be a Conservative torch-wielding, pro-torture freak. Well, I consider myself a staunch Liberal and believe torturing people is wrong (duh) and I still thought this movie sucked. The main problem with Rendition is the simplistic script by Kelley Sane reveals to us that "torture is bad" (which most people knew before heading into this movie) without delving any deeper than the surface level of the issue. The way the story is strung together is reminiscent of Babel (not a good thing) and most of it is two-dimensional twaddle: the worried wife at home (Reese Witherspoon), the conflicted CIA agent (Jake Gyllenhaal), the bitchy, two-faced Washington official (Meryl Streep), the Senator's aide who has to decide whether to do the right thing or play the Washington game (Peter Sarsgaard) and the pro-torture Arab monster (Yigal Naor). Plus, as further distractions, there's this weird love story between Yigal Naor's daughter Fatima and a young, Islamic terrorist that sticks out like a sore thumb and offers the most unnecessary mindfuck I've ever witnessed in a film. Gavin Hood's direction is competent but doesn't reveal anything we haven't seen anything before. In my opinion, the most disappointing thing about this film is the weak performances from the lead cast. Generally, a cast including Gyllenhaal, Witherspoon, Sarsgaard and especially Meryl Streep would have knocked this out of the ball park, but, in the end, the two-dimensional characters and lack of anything interesting for them to do (Witherspoon mostly sits and looks worried, Gyllenhaal looks conflicted and Streep basically reprises Miranda Priestley) gets in the way. The only things I did like were the two minutes where, in separate scenes, Jake Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard learn not to fuck with Meryl Streep because she will cut you down to size and the part where Reese Witherspoon screams "Tell me he's okaaaay!" all melodramatically because it made me giggle.

My Ratings:
Across the Universe: **
Rendition: ** 1/2

Random Top 10: Films I'm Most Excited to See This Fall

Now that the summer is over and my Hairspray fanaticism has died down a bit, it's time for my favorite part of the year: Oscar Season. Over the next four months we get bombarded with intelligent, well-made pictures all fighting it out to win the Oscar next year. Since there are so many great films coming out this fall, I wanted to share which ones I'm most excited for. Here we go:

10. There Will Be Blood (Paul Thomas Anderson) Comes out December 26th

I love Paul Thomas Anderson's films. He's only made three films (Boogie Nights, Magnolia and Punch Drunk Love) but they are all really great. Hopefully, his new film There Will Be Blood won't be the exception. Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano play a father and son going through some serious family issues in turn-of-the-century Texas. And since Day-Lewis plays an oil prospector, maybe there will be some sort of commentary about the situation today.

9. Sweeney Todd (Tim Burton) Comes out December 21st

Since this is a musical, it probably should be a little higher on my list, but there are a couple of reasons why: 1. I'm not familiar with the show. I know the premise and gimmick and everything, but I don't know the score or anything. 2. I'm not a huge Sondheim fan. I know that's practically blasphemy but there are some of his songs that just don't impress me. These reasons won't stop me from seeing it, however.

8. Lust, Caution (Ang Lee) Comes out September 28th

After Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Brokeback Mountain, I am a big Ang Lee fan. Is there nothing this man can't tackle? Now he's moving on with this sexy spy thriller set in WWII-era Shanghai. It sounds really good, but what really has me intrigued is the NC-17 rating it received.

7. The Savages (Tamara Jenkins) Comes out December 26th

I love dysfunctional family dramedies and The Savages appears to be the best one coming out this fall. Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman star as brother and sister caring for their ailing father.

6. The Brave One (Neil Jordan) Comes out September 14th

Jodie Foster is always a joy to watch and with an awesome director (Neil Jordan, who did the amazing The Crying Game) and that great trailer, this one will be hard to miss.

5. Leatherheads (George Clooney) Comes out December 7th

Three Reasons: 1. I love anything dealing with the 1920's- such a fantastic period in history. 2. George Clooney hasn't disappointed me as a director 3. John Krasinski + vintage 1920's 3-piece suits = my ass in the seat

4. American Gangster (Ridley Scott) Comes out November 2nd

I loved The Departed and if this is even half as good as that film, it will still be worth the admission. Plus, these posters are just kick ass.

3. Atonement (Joe Wright) Comes out December 7th

I couldn't get through the book, but I'm betting that director Joe Wright, Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast will make this one a can't miss.

2. Rendition (Gavin Hood) Comes out October 19th

Jake Gyllenhaal. Reese Witherspoon. Meryl Streep. Peter Sarsgaard. Alan Arkin. What more do I have to say?

1. I'm Not There (Todd Haynes) Comes out November 21st

I've already ranted on this film before, but I'm still super excited about this film. I'm not completely sure why, but I think it has something to do with Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale and Richard Gere playing Bob Dylan in the same film that's got me hooked. Plus, this trailer is amazing.

Reese and Jake Split

In case you haven’t heard, this past week Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon officially ended their relationship even though they were never "officially" going out. Apparently, the reason behind the split is that Reese wants to spend more time with her family. To tell you the truth, I’m really not sure what to think about this. On one hand, I’m excited because Jakey is free again (and those gay rumors can start all over again). On the other hand, I’m disappointed because I was totally ready for this new power couple. They’re young, drop dead gorgeous and, above all, extremely talented; if they had adopted children, they already would have had Brangelina beat. Plus, just imagine how amazing their celebrity name could have been if they would have stayed together longer: Gyllenspoon or Witherhaal. Those are simply fantastic and I would have enjoyed saying that over and over again. Alas, we’ll always have Rendition, the film they met on, which is supposed to be released November 30th.

(NOTE: I don’t know if you can see over the writing, but isn’t Jakey wearing the most fab jeans in this picture? I know they are probably from some big name designer and cost $400, but I totally want a pair)

Alright Jake, Time to Decide...

Okay Mr. Gyllenhaal, it's time decide whether you are dating Reese Witherspoon or "BFF" Austin Nichols. It seems that he has gotten close to Witherspoon on the set of their new film Rendition and the tabloids are going crazy speculating on the romance. Meanwhile, over at TMZ.com, they are reporting that Gyllenhaal has been spending a lot of intimate time with good friend Austin Nichols. They spent all day alone in Nichols' trailer on the set of his new HBO pilot "John From Cincinnati" one day last week and then on Saturday had a quiet dinner with Reese no where in sight. Personally, I don't care who he is dating because he will be gorgeous to look at no matter what team he bats for. My money is on Reese Witherspoon, but you never know...

UPDATE: I just found out that Austin is a Michigan native so what a way to rep our state. Woo!