...Okay, that was a complete lie. If anything, this is post is a shameless excuse to post pictures of Sebastian Stan. But what in the hell else am I supposed to talk about in The Covenant, the 2006 precursor in many ways to Twilight and the film that put Stan, fellow Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford and Taylor Kitsch on the map? The Covenant is, without a doubt, a terrible movie, but you don't need me to tell you that. The only reason I watched the damned thing was because of its reputation as a homoerotic film and, aside from a couple of looks between Stan and lead Steven Strait, it even failed in that respect! As bad films go, however, you could do far worse than The Covenant. It's not good, but it is watchable and entertaining in its own way, which is perhaps the most important quality a film like this can have.
But the real story here is Sebastian Stan. He's actually quite fun in The Covenant, which surprised me because I never thought much of him as an actor until Kings. At first, it appears like Stan is the nice guy and you think, "Wow, this is a nice change of pace for Sebastian!" But then the plot twists and we realize that he's not as good as he once appeared and it's all "Oh, now this is the Sebastian Stan we know and love." And his completely mental monologues at the end of the film prove that he's a prime candidate to be the killer in the next Scream movie just so he can deliver said psychotic monologue. But you're not here for a critique of his performance. You want to see the goods. And boy does Sebastian have them! I couldn't remember seeing him shirtless before this movie--I think there may have been an episode of Gossip Girl that involved him taking it off--so I was very excited for these scenes.
He's so pretty it's almost criminal. Let's lock him up (in my basement).