Short Rants on The Lucky One

I could go into garish, grotesque detail describing every single problem with The Lucky One, which starts with the first frame and doesn't let up for the entire 100 minute runtime. I could tell you about the film's dead-in-the-water dialogue or its sickeningly awful, one-dimensional Bad Guy, who makes every Bad Guy in every Tyler Perry movie look nuanced and carefully characterized, or the complete miscasting of the charismatic, energetic Zac Efron as an introverted, bland Iraq vet who couldn't even convince me that he has flown over Iraq, let alone fought there. Yes, I could do all this, but I am in absolutely no mood to rehash any of this vile, repugnant film. You see, I've sat through many bad films in many years as a cinephile. Some were hilariously bad. Some put me to sleep. Others made me rolls my eyes every five seconds. But never have I hated my life as much as I did when I sat through The Lucky One. Somewhere near the 40 minute mark, I began to question why I go to the movies in the first place. By the end of the film, I could barely contain my anger at this film, not only as a whole film but as a vehicle for my beloved Zac Efron. He has made some questionable choices in the past (New Year's Eve being the most recent), but he is always watchable and, at the very least, you see what drew him to a project. With The Lucky One, I don't understand what he was thinking, other than the obvious box office allure of a Nicholas Sparks project. There's stretching as an actor and then there's taking roles that you are not cut out to play. I know this sounds like I'm being particularly harsh to my Zac, but sometimes it takes a loved one to ask, "What in the fuck are you doing?" In terms of both Zac's career and my affection for him, The Lucky One is comparable to Channing Tatum and Dear John: after two big fat zeros in a row, I'm beginning to question whether or not my obsession is a tad out of control. Hopefully, Zac has a 21 Jump Street up his sleeve to revive my interest in his career and show us something we haven't seen yet. Or, at the very least, a film that doesn't make me want to burn my local cinema to the ground. F