General Brittany

"Excuse me, Miss Barch? Since they can't see us very well because of the terrain, we can split up and they won't know where we are. Then we can attack from three sides, drive them out to the one side they think is safe and then set an ambush to capture them all at once! Probably be a good idea to set up a secret observation post on the high ground so we can watch them without them seeing us."

"What?"

Daria's Secondary Characters

As a graduation present to myself, I bought the Daria box set containing every episode ever made that was recently released. I positively adored this show when I was a kid and it's obvious that some of Daria's sarcasm rubbed off on me during my formative years. I've been slowly working through the massive amount of discs (8!) and finally finished the other day. The show is just as amazing as I remember, if not more so. As a way to commemorate my getting through five seasons of amazingness, I thought I would pay tribute to some of my favorite characters on the show. Instead of picking the usual suspects, however, I wanted to highlight some of the secondary characters on the show. We all know that Daria and Jane are the bomb, but what about these ones? They may not be as "important" but they have my love.

Ms. Li

"Lay off the Ultra Cola? Can't lay off the Ultra Cola! Gotta drink, drink cola. I told you to drink up, damnit! I know, call the elementary schools! They're always looking for a cheap field trip. Tell them to get their kids over here right away for soda, soda, soda! I can't just sit here, I've got to move some product, damnit! Attention students, everyone out in the hallway for soda, NOW! Must drink soda, soda from machines, everyone gather around the pretty machines. Open up, you lousy damn machine! Give up the soda in your bowels! Soda, soda, must have soda!"

Tiffany
"Ewwwwww."

Stacey

"I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandy or Quinn, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingie. And you refuse to lift one friggin' finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you starrrrre in the mirrrrorrrrr and taaaaaaaalk about yourselllllllllf. And I-I-I quit!"

Mr. DeMartino

"In fact, almost the entire football team, despite repeated cranial trauma and a chronic inability to solve the maze on a cereal box, got 100."

And now let's pay tribute to a character I may love more than Daria (gasp, I know!)...

Brittany

"By the way, Daria, I just want you to know that it's realllllly brave of you to get those contact lenses and admit you care about the way you look, even just a little. Because knowing that a braaaaain can be worried about her looks makes me feel, um, I don't know, not so shallow or something. Like we're not that different; just human or whatever."

Love. She is amazing, squeaky high-pitched voice and all.