100 Hot Men and a Dame: #99 Michael C. Hall

99. Michael C. Hall

Occupation: Actor

Nationality: American

Age: 40

Best Known For: Emmy-nominated work as gay mortician Dave Fisher on Six Feet Under and serial killer Dexter Morgan on Dexter

For this entry in the 100 Hot Men and a Dame countdown, I enlisted my friend Sammi for help. Since we live five minutes from each other, I decided to do a video about Michael C. Hall. In case you've ever wondered what a typical conversation with me is like in real life, this video pretty much sums it up, as we discuss Hall but end up making pit stops all over the place. I hope you enjoy my first foray into vlogging! (And, yes, the sound is admittedly wonky, but a pair of headphones should make it all better. Trust me, it's worth it).

And what do you think about Michael C. Hall? Most importantly, would you rather be murdered by Dexter or embalmed by Dave?

"Do people want their real estate advice from someone who leads or someone who follows?"

"I'm betting these babies come back in a big way. Buy low, sell high. People are gonna see this and say, 'That guy's high.'"

Katy's Voice Makes 'Em Go "Uh, Uh, Ew"

For a lot of people, the PS 22 choir that closed this year's Oscar ceremony with a "rousing" and "inspirational" performance of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' was one of the show's highlights. I'm immune to this sort of corny, cheeseball fluff so I thought it was a grand waste of time, but that's just me. Anyways, Oprah did her annual after Oscar special live from the Kodak Theatre and to close her own show, she brought back the PS 22 choir to sing another inspirational song. I was watching the show with my mother and both of us were only vaguely paying attention until I heard the now infamous opening lyric "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?" Yes, the PS 22 choir was singing Katy Perry's 'Firework' and I was about ready to bust out laughing. What an incredibly odd choice, especially for Oprah's extra special Oscar episode, but it's kinda fun, too.

Anyways, the choir is doing a fine job, singing their precious little hearts out. All of a sudden, this loud, completely off pitch shriek comes out of nowhere. My mom and I look at each other and we both say, "Who on Earth decided to mike the one choir member who can't sing for shit?" We were completely puzzled by this bad sonic decision when the curtain suddenly rises just in time for the first chorus and who should appear but...

Katy Perry

Listen, I've grown to appreciate Katy Perry in the past year--mainly because of this incident--and absolutely LOVE some of the tracks on her Teenage Dream album but girlfriend cannot sing live, especially a song like 'Firework' which calls for big high notes. She tries really hard but Katy absolutely needs an army of backup singers to drown out the horrible shrieking that her live voice produces. Katy is great in the studio and has a great pop persona but she seriously needs to take the Britney route and start lip syncing.

Here's the full video so you can witness the hilarity:

Debbie Gets the Last Laugh

Carrie Fisher: "He [Eddie Fisher] consoled her [Elizabeth Taylor] with flowers. And, ultimately, he consoled her with his penis."

Welcome Back, Glee...

...Well, it's not exactly "back" since the writing is still shit, the acting is nearly unstomachable and the whole gay angle is handled only slightly better than one of the episodes on an Alan Ball TV show where the gay character(s) deliver the most awful, holier-than-thou sermon this side of a papal mass. Considering the hot mess the show was when I gave up on it last season, and how much anger I had towards it for wasting both its potential and my time week after week, I never thought I would be able to take anything it did seriously ever again. And, judging by the reaction this season from even the most hardcore Gleetards, the show's novelty was beginning to wear off quickly. But, out of nowhere, the show went back to its roots with this performance from a new cast member:



Wow, that was surprisingly refreshing. My biggest complaint with Glee towards the end of the run of episodes I watched was that they weren't even bothering to do anything to make the songs their own. In the beginning, especially in the pilot episode with 'Rehab' and 'Don't Stop Believin',' Glee wasn't afraid to interpret the songs in new and original ways. By the end of the first run, however, the show was falling prey to its own hype and started cranking out those songs to suck as much money out of buyers as they could. Some of the songs were so terrible they sounded like someone bought a karaoke tape, pressed play, let Lea Michelle sing shriek over everyone and then called it a day ('Bad Romance,' I'm looking at you). Apparently this has only gotten worse this season, especially with the jukebox musical/theme episodes. But this rendition of 'Teenage Dream' is absolutely stunning. What I love most about the arrangement is that it's stripped down to an acapella core yet the song's emotion, which Katy Perry emotes so vividly over the electropop-ness of the original, loses none of its power or urgency.



And the person who I think should be credited mostly for the success of this rendition is Glee newcomer Darren Criss. As you can see, I'm clearly in love with him and will stop at nothing until he's mine. Apparently, the University of Michigan graduate (two hours away from me!) is famous for something called A Very Potter Musical, which made it's way online earlier this year. I tried watching it but it made very little sense to me as I haven't read a Harry Potter book since Bill Clinton was president. Anyways, on the show, Darren plays Blaine, Kurt's new gay buddy who is there solely to provide support and tell Kurt to stand up for himself. In other words, the character's a total snoozefest and didn't give Darren much to play with in his first appearance. But that hardly matters when your debut musical performance is something as amazing as his version of 'Teenage Dream.' His husky voice is in definite contrast to Katy's light and airy vocals on the original but he manages to keep the song sexy in his own way. Just by emphasizing the wrong word, the lyric, "I'ma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans/I'll be your teenage dream tonight," could have become an epic disaster but he actually turns it into a sly, subtle invitation that makes it even hotter. Speaking of hotness, I also love the way that, like Kurt/Chris Colfer, Darren isn't one of those generic, plastic-looking gays that seem to populate shows of this nature and, unlike Kurt/Chris Colfer, he has his own brand of sexiness that can't be reproduced. It appears that many others out there agree with me as he has instantly become the most buzzed about new cast member since, I don't know, ever and there are even talks about making him a series regular. Seems like a good idea at this point since his song is currently at #1 on the iTunes chart, sodomizing the other songs from the episode, and is on track to be the highest charting single from Glee since 'Don't Stop Believin'.' I'm sure once Glee gets their hands on Darren they will ruin him like they have every other aspect of the show but let's just enjoy him in all his glory for the moment.

Two Hot Aryans

This post is about exactly what the title says. Let's get started.


First off is Ed Drewett. Brits may recall him from the Professor Green song 'I Need You Tonight,' which hit the UK Top 10 earlier this year or, if you're a mega The Wanted fan, you may recognize him as the songwriter of their #1 hit 'All Time Low.' Ed is now ready to take the electropop world by storm with his infectious, amazingly addictive debut single 'Champagne Lemonade,' out now in the UK. It's not often you find a good looking male who can do electropop and do it well, so we must treasure Ed and 'Champagne Lemonade' like the gifts they are. Plus, Ed is very active with his Twitter account (@eddrewett) and corresponds regularly with fans. When I casually mentioned about a month ago that he was a hot Aryan, he not only retweeted me but also replied to say that he thought it was funny that I called him an Aryan. Great musician, hot and and an amazing sense of humor? Ed's almost too good to be true.







Secondly, we have Trevor Donovan. My New Plaid Pants did an amazing post about him a few weeks back and I've been a, um, fan ever since. He's currently starring on the ever lovely 90210 right now and has been receiving a fair amount of attention for playing the strappin' ladies' man doubting his sexuality. Being the shallow individual I am, I watched clips of the show involving his storyline only and...yeah, it's probably as bad as you would expect. There were a couple moments that worked, namely the way the straight guys reacted--or didn't react, depending on your viewpoint--when Trevor's character called the gay kid a "faggot," but mostly it's a hot mess of clichés and lousy acting. But Trevor is never less than smoldering and has a sexy deep voice that I wouldn't mind hearing first thing in the morning. In all honesty, though, I'm just waiting around until he makes out with a boy; isn't that what life is all about?

Must See Hotties on Outsourced

I am a superficial person. I have made no secret of watching movies, television shows or listening to certain artists just because of an attractive male. Usually, I'm on the ball with the latest hotties, but I've let you down, dear readers. Last Thursday night, I had NBC on in the background while I was online and Outsourced, the network's newest addition to the Must See TV lineup, came on. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw the two hotties among the show's cast:



The first is Ben Rappaport as Todd, the American boss sent to India to run his company's new call center. The second is Sacha Dhawan as Manmeet, Todd's employee and possible "bromantic" partner. Todd is supposed to be in a quasi love triangle with another Australian expatriate and an Indian co-worker, but, of course, I kept hoping for Todd and Manmeet to get together. And it's not as if I was pulling this out of thin air. In one episode, Todd invited Manmeet out to a nice restaurant for a hearty American meal. In another more telling moment, Todd and Manmeet found themselves trapped in the break room closet together trying to avoid an annoying co-worker. Sure, they were talking about chicks the whole time, but I know one day true love will rule the day.

Outsourced may have its fair share of hot guys, but the show is actually quite funny. I had heard criticisms of the show being a tad racist but I think that's outrageous. Outsourced is a classic "fish out of water" story, with one person taken from their usual surroundings and thrust into a totally different environment. The humor is born from the fact that Indian culture is totally unfamiliar to Todd and that his coworkers don't understand Americans' sense of humor. It's not breaking any new ground, but it's a sweet show with great, hilariously real characters and humor born from these characters' interactions. Hot guys and funny jokes--what more could you ask for from a show?

Someone Needs to Skin the American Version of Skins

I apologize if you're already sick of me ranting about this on my Twitter, but I need to just get all my feelings out once and for all about the impending American version of the break-out British TV show Skins. The first preview for the show, which is set to debut on MTV in January, premiered yesterday after the Jersey Shore finale and really got my blood a-boiling. I would post it here but I really don't want my precious blog to be soiled by that filth. So, if you need to satisfy your curiosity, take a second and look for it yourself.

All caught up now? Good, let's get started.

My biggest complaint with Skins--Yankee Style, as it shall now be referred to, is that it's an exact carbon copy of the original show. Not only have they taken all of the original characters and simply changed some of their names, but they also copied the pilot episode, from the story to the dialogue and right down to the exact same camera angles (it's like Gus Van Sant's Psycho but without the "experimental" excuse). It's 2010, not 1985. You simply can't take a show from across the pond and only exchange the actors for the American version anymore. And you especially cannot do it when the original British show has been as widely available and watched in the U.S. as the original Skins has. The arrogance that the creators of Skins--Yankee Style have is astounding.

For anyone who has seen the original Skins, you are fully aware that the show graphically depicts teenagers swearing up a storm engaged in sex, drug use and a host of other inappropriate activities, many of which you simply can't show on American television. But that's what made the show great; it pushed the boundaries far beyond what something like Gossip Girl, by far the raciest teen show on American network TV, could even dream of doing. By bringing the show to America, there's no way it can get away with half of the shit the original did. And watching a sanitized Skins is worse than not watching Skins at all.

I really wish MTV luck in trying to peddle this shitty excuse for a TV show to viewers who somehow haven't heard of this amazing show. Even if their show is a hit, it will never be as good as the British original because it won't have the amazing ensemble of the first two seasons. Good luck trying to find actors as individually astounding as Nicholas Hoult, Hannah Murray or Kaya Scodelario (Christ, how horrible is the Effy episode going to be?) or a cast with as amazing chemistry as April Pearson, Joseph Dempsie, Mitch Hewer, Larissa Wilson, etc. had with each other. There are so many insurmountable obstacles toward the American version of Skins that I simply have no idea how on Earth it will work.

Blam-o!

Lifetime has recently been airing re-runs of The New Adventures of Old Christine, the now-canceled sitcom starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, so I've been watching all of these wonderful episodes over again and realizing just how much I love this show. The cast is uniformly great, but the real star is Julia as the frazzled mom Christine Campbell. When Old Christine started, she was the typical overworked mom, juggling work, motherhood, an ex-husband and a romantic life. It was all well and good, but it was nothing we hadn't seen before. As the show wore on, however, Christine became, how should I put this, more pathetic by the episode. She became a "part-time alcoholic," she couldn't commit to do anything, she depended on those around her for everything, her love life became increasingly awkward. But just when you would think she was too crazy to believable, you realized that she was utterly relatable. I would watch every week, failing at life, and realize, "Oh my God, I am SO going to be her when I grow up." And Julia Louis-Dreyfus was a godsend in the role because she was never afraid to amplify the crazy. Just like Christine, she has no shame and it worked so well in bringing the character to life.

I didn't hear until about an hour before airtime that Louis-Dreyfus was guest starring on this past week's live episode of 30 Rock. Needless to say, I was very excited by this news. I had no idea what role she would play, but just the thought of Christine Campbell and Liz Lemon, the two biggest losers on television, together on the same show made my head spin. Could I possibly handle all the middle-aged desperation about to be thrown my way? There was only one way to find out.

So, when the episode started and it was revealed that Julia was playing Liz Lemon during a couple random flashbacks (when it would have been impossible for Tina Fey to do so in the live show format), my heart skipped a beat. And her performance was every bit as amazing as you would think it would be. I laughed my ass off on Thursday and then spent the next morning watching Julia over and over again. After her years on The New Adventures of Old Christine, Julia Louis-Dreyfus completely understands how to play Liz Lemon's coarseness for laughs. Check it out for yourself:

Liz Lemon's first flashback:


Liz Lemon's second flashback:


Liz Lemon's second flashback (West Coast):

Brilliant. Not only do I want Julia Louis-Dreyfus to play Liz Lemon in all of her flashbacks, but I also want her to play me in my flashbacks. That would be epic.

My Thoughts on This Year's Emmy Winners

Best Drama: Mad Men

I gave up on this show last season.

Best Comedy: Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Actor (Drama): Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Drama): Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

I don't watch this show. My mother does, though, and really likes Sedgwick's character. "She's so realistic, James. She's going through menopause like I am!"

Best Actor (Comedy): Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Comedy): Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

I watched the first four episodes. Wasn't terribly impressed or in a rush to watch other episodes.

Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Drama): Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy): Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Jane Lynch, Glee

Watched the first season. Thought Lynch thoroughly deserved the award. Will never watch another episode.

Well, that was...fascinatingly in-depth? I guess we can safely assume that the Emmys and I have vastly different tastes when it comes to television. Especially when you consider that if I ran things, Sterling Knight would have two Emmys by now and Snooki would be nominated next to Tina Fey in the Comedy category.

Ryan Murphy Can Go Fuck Himself

Now that I've given up watching that horrible, horrible show about the adventures of a certain glee club, I figure it's time to stop bitching about the show and move on. But this news was so completely disgusting that I had to say something about it. To be honest, I was actually excited for Glee's upcoming Britney tribute. God knows why, knowing how both the Madonna and GaGa tributes turned out and the fact that they were just going to lazily pick her biggest hits like 'Stronger,' '...Baby One More Time' and 'Womanizer' instead of really digging into her discography, but it's true. I was glad that the show was giving Britney her due as a pop legend and gay icon instead of seeing her as a mentally unstable woman like most people seem to do nowadays. But, of course, I gave Glee way too much credit. With the news that Mr. Schu will be shaving his head as some sort of "tribute" to Britney's infamous haircut, I now realize that this whole episode is going to be a sick farce. Listen, I can deal with an occasional joke about Britney attacking a car with an umbrella, but what Glee is doing is nothing more than exploiting a woman who was clearly suffering a psychotic breakdown for cheap laughs. As one commenter on Just Jared said, this is the same as paying tribute to Rihanna by having a character get the shit beat out of them. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but if you're going to devote a whole episode to celebrating one of the most influential artists of the past decade, maybe you should focus on the positives and all the things she's done for pop music. Glee, you are a disgusting show. Ryan Murphy, you are the biggest asshole of them all. This show is supposed to celebrate peoples' differences and how that makes us all great, so how is this okay? Would you make an episode re-enacting how Artie came to be in his wheelchair and then laugh about it? LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE if this is your idea of celebrating her.

General Brittany

"Excuse me, Miss Barch? Since they can't see us very well because of the terrain, we can split up and they won't know where we are. Then we can attack from three sides, drive them out to the one side they think is safe and then set an ambush to capture them all at once! Probably be a good idea to set up a secret observation post on the high ground so we can watch them without them seeing us."

"What?"

Daria's Secondary Characters

As a graduation present to myself, I bought the Daria box set containing every episode ever made that was recently released. I positively adored this show when I was a kid and it's obvious that some of Daria's sarcasm rubbed off on me during my formative years. I've been slowly working through the massive amount of discs (8!) and finally finished the other day. The show is just as amazing as I remember, if not more so. As a way to commemorate my getting through five seasons of amazingness, I thought I would pay tribute to some of my favorite characters on the show. Instead of picking the usual suspects, however, I wanted to highlight some of the secondary characters on the show. We all know that Daria and Jane are the bomb, but what about these ones? They may not be as "important" but they have my love.

Ms. Li

"Lay off the Ultra Cola? Can't lay off the Ultra Cola! Gotta drink, drink cola. I told you to drink up, damnit! I know, call the elementary schools! They're always looking for a cheap field trip. Tell them to get their kids over here right away for soda, soda, soda! I can't just sit here, I've got to move some product, damnit! Attention students, everyone out in the hallway for soda, NOW! Must drink soda, soda from machines, everyone gather around the pretty machines. Open up, you lousy damn machine! Give up the soda in your bowels! Soda, soda, must have soda!"

Tiffany
"Ewwwwww."

Stacey

"I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing all the work while you just sit there. I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandy or Quinn, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingie. And you refuse to lift one friggin' finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you starrrrre in the mirrrrorrrrr and taaaaaaaalk about yourselllllllllf. And I-I-I quit!"

Mr. DeMartino

"In fact, almost the entire football team, despite repeated cranial trauma and a chronic inability to solve the maze on a cereal box, got 100."

And now let's pay tribute to a character I may love more than Daria (gasp, I know!)...

Brittany

"By the way, Daria, I just want you to know that it's realllllly brave of you to get those contact lenses and admit you care about the way you look, even just a little. Because knowing that a braaaaain can be worried about her looks makes me feel, um, I don't know, not so shallow or something. Like we're not that different; just human or whatever."

Love. She is amazing, squeaky high-pitched voice and all.

"I don't know how to be gay."

"I used to think I was something else, like they'd make a whole new category for me. I like guys, but I like old films just as much. I don't know what to call that."

Oh, Moosh. I feel like you really get me sometimes.

The Ultimate Teen Drama

Ryan Atwood as the main heartthrob- a rough-around-the-edges everyman with a sensitive soft side.

Season 2 Blair Waldorf and Series 1 Tony Stonem as the manipulative, eternally scheming antagonists we're supposed to hate but end up loving more than the protagonists.


Seth Cohen as the dorky sidekick who is actually more adorable and lovable than the main character.


Sandy and Kirsten Cohen as the cool parents every teen wishes was their own.


Julie Cooper-Nichols as the bitchy parent no teen wishes was their own.



Season 1, "I killed a man" Serena van der Woodsen and Season 2 and beyond Summer Roberts as the eternally loyal (and gorgeous!) female sidekicks who, in the right moment, can be counted on for a good punchline.


Chris Miles as the slacker sidekick always making the wrong decisions but never less than hilarious making them.


Jal Fazer as the badass conscience of the group who can always be trusted to lend an ear and give great advice.


Mackenzie as the rich snob trying to protect his turf from the invading poor heartthrob.

An Open Letter to Glee

Dear Glee,

Please get better. Soon. This week's episode was an abomination against all humankind. I seriously haven't rolled my eyes that much in such a short span of time since the love scenes between Troy and Gabriella in HSM3.

I know some readers out there think I'm just a big ole player hater who will never be satisfied with the show, but that's not true. I just think that Glee has the potential to be a great show and isn't living up to its initial promise. The show is coasting on its enormous buzz right now and hasn't done much in the episodes since its phenomenal debut to live up to all of it. Sure, there have been moments of inspiration and cleverness (I especially loved the Mash-Up episode with the girls' singing 'Halo' and 'Walking on Sunshine') but nothing has even come close to matching this moment of magic:



And on Wednesday, my God, I swear recovering from surgery was less painful than what happened on Glee. I mean, the whole "I've seen this episode five times before" plot (Baby business and Rachel loves Finn? Oy vey) was bad enough, but once they showed the deaf choir "singing" 'Imagine,' I almost fucking lost it. What the fuck was that? You can call it "inspirational" or whatever the fuck you want, but that was shameless manipulation, pure and simple, worthy only of the Idol Gives Back special. And then they had the balls to sing another soppy ballad, 'True Colors,' at the very end, just to top off the shittiness. Glee could be so much better than anything as dire as those by-the-books numbers and yet it keeps on relying on this over and over again. If they switch things up a bit like they did for 'Don't Stop Believing,' 'Halo/Walking on Sunshine' and the recent rendition of 'Dancing With Myself,' the numbers become much more interesting. Without this creativity, Glee becomes nothing more than a show with a mediocre plot and kids singing mediocre Broadway karaoke.

xoxo
Dame James

Now You're Just Teasing Me, Mr. Schu

The Death of Television

For years, TV watchers and critics alike have been complaining that the success of reality shows like Survivor, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor[ette] are ruining network television as we know it. We can blame these shows all we want, but, judging by the television season thus far, it is looking more and more like the networks and creative forces behind the shows are killing them faster than any reality show. I know I'm hardly television's most qualified critic because I don't watch an extraordinary amount of shows and some of the ones I continue to watch are dubious at best. However, I feel like I need to say something for the sake of these sinking shows I love so dearly.

Let's start with Desperate Housewives, a show I used to be so obsessive about I would tell people not to call my cell phone during the show unless there was some kind of medical emergency that couldn't wait until 10:01; now I'm so meh on it I can do homework, IM someone and eat all while watching it. For a show that started off so brilliantly with it's parody on suburban values and mores ingeniously mixed with a compelling, season-long mystery, it's a shame that the show quickly descended into a shadow of its former self. Don't get me wrong, I was still hooked on the show and loved some of the major arcs (Dixie Carter as Orson's mother, the season where Dana Delaney's Katharine was introduced) over the past few seasons, but the magic of that glorious first season has always been missing. This season, however, has been the absolute breaking point for me. The season premiere was hilarious and hinted at better things to come this season, but honestly, looking back, I'm guessing this reaction was due more to the fact that I missed the characters over the summer rather than the show was actually doing anything interesting. Needless to say, the show has progressed to shit. My main problem with Desperate Housewives is that the show doesn't have any balls anymore. I'm not suggesting that the show was incredibly ballsy before, but it at least talked about interesting subjects that few other network shows would touch (the child molester who Lynette inadvertently unleashes on the world, the dynamic between Bree and Andrew during season one and two, etc.). Now, Desperate Housewives has become passive in its refusal to even mention other darker alternatives to the character's problems. Take Lynette's unwanted pregnancy this season for instance. In the old days, she would have considered getting an abortion and, if the show was feeling particularly risky, she would have went ahead and gotten it. Instead, the word is never even mentioned and Lynette is forced to grin and bear it like a good woman and accept the pregnancy like she's a 50's housewife. It's gotten so bad that I hardly recognize these women anymore. The only one who has gotten better with time is Gabrielle and that's mainly because Eva Longoria Parker continually improves her comedic timing each season. The entire show has been sanitized of anything fun or groundbreaking every year to the point where it has become the type of show that it set out to parody originally. For years, creator Marc Cherry has promised a revamped Desperate Housewives that will return to the glory of the first season and for years the audience has been waiting for this to happen.

Gossip Girl is another show that has failed to live up to its high standards this season. I realize the show has had some tough shoes to fill after some incomparably golden episodes last season (the gorgeously shot The Dark Night, the one where Blair totally owns Serena in front of Yale's dean of admissions, the hilarious and spirited take on The Age of Innocence which managed the impossible task of momentarily making it look like Chace Crawford is a good actor) but it's like they're not even trying anymore. Like Desperate Housewives, the show has been heavily sanitized and interesting subplots either lead nowhere or to absolutely clichéd, One Tree Hill-esque endings. When Leighton fucking Meester (my #1 performance of last season) can't even manage to engage me except for the occasional bitchy one-liner, you know you're in trouble. Hopefully this week's highly publicized threesome will get thing back on track for my favorite guilty pleasure on TV (considering, of course, they pick the right people to be in this threesome).

Can you think of a show like Ugly Betty that has wavered in quality so many times during it's three season run its nearly impossible to keep up half the time? Last season ended so promisingly but right from the start, this season has been a big pile of shit. For a show that has depended for the most part on its main character being hated by every other character on the show, this season has really piled on the hatred to an almost unbearable level. If Marc makes one more snide comment about how he deserved the editors position over Betty, I swear to God I'm going to beat his face in. Shut the fuck up and get over it, you whiny bitch. The show has gotten so bad so fast I am actually dreading this week's episode in fear that it's going to be nearly as stifling and uninspiring as last week's.

I could try watching some of the new shows this season in hopes that something will fill the void left by these bland ones and that would be great if there was actually anything interesting to pick from. I'll admit that I haven't watched the supposedly great Modern Family yet, but if Glee (a fantastic debut, hit and miss ever since) and Community (I love the show but there are plenty of player haters out there) are the best new shows this season, TV is in serious trouble. It doesn't help that most of the new shows sounded either like clones of stuff that was already around (seriously, how many ER clones do we need on every channel?) or completely stupid from its description (Bitch please, The Good Wife. Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for a woman who was married to a politician and has to start life over...as a high powered attorney! Get a real problem, twat). I suppose I could quit bitching and just stop watching these shows but (a) do I ever just stop bitching about something? and (b) I have a hard time giving up on shows--it takes something catastrophically bad for me to stop watching a show I've loved for so long. None of these shows have hit that level yet, but desperately need something to shake things up again. If they don't, network TV will fall one step closer to its demise.

P.S. I know what you're thinking, "Well, what about last year's Emmy winners: 30 Rock and Mad Men? Those are surely still great." 30 Rock has been good this season so far, but there hasn't been an outstanding moment yet to compare with last year's mad season. As for Mad Men, well I kinda haven't been keeping up with that show. I started watching it every week but soon I grew tired of the way the episodes weren't really connecting with each other (they truly felt like distinct 40 minute shorts with the same characters each week). I missed one week, then another and finally I got so far behind I didn't even care anymore. Perhaps I'll catch up with a marathon one day, but at this moment I couldn't be bothered.

Mr. Schu, Can It Really Be True?

Good God, I hope so.

I've long contested that Matthew Morrison was the hottest guy on the Glee set, so when these pictures appeared before me this morning it was like a hug from Oprah. You see, I have the world's worst gaydar and never in a million years would I have guessed he batted for my team. Sure, he's a Broadway star, but isn't it usually the straight (or at least butch) male performers that make it big in other mediums? But I digress. My main point is that finally NPH can stop carrying the burden of being the only hot out male celebrity (that I've actually heard of).

P.S. No, I'm not self-loathing, I just don't think that I'm supposed to find T.R. Knight hotter than Zac Efron just because he's out. Gay or not, he still looks like a fucking troll.

(Source ONTD)

Jonas With a Chance

Thanks to Netflix on Demand, I decided to continue my never ending investigation of today's tween subculture by watching a couple of shows from the Disney Channel. I decided on the Brothers Jonas's latest attempt to dominate every single artistic medium out there simply titled Jonas and Demi Lovato's show Sonny With a Chance. Remembering the poor excuses for acting I witnessed in Camp Rock, I didn't have high hopes for either of them but both of them actually turned out better than I ever imagined.

I'll get Jonas out of the way first since it's obviously the weakest of the two. The show is about three brothers (Kevin, Joe and Nick) who--shockingly--are in a mega successful rock band but somehow find the time to go to a normal high school with students who have known them so long don't really care that they are famous and pretty much leave them alone. Joe's BFF Stella (the fabulous Chelsea Staub) is their wardrobe mistress and shoulder for the brothers to come cry on with their various (usually uninteresting and Disney show-specific) problems. If this sounds a bit formulaic and obvious, it is. Jonas is nothing more than Disney's most recent attempt to cash in on a hot commodity without regards to originality or more than six minutes of brainstorming. I know that this show is just another way for them to make money, but it's entirely obvious they don't want to be actors nor care about really learning the craft. They are musicians first and foremost so Jonas is, pretty much, a complete waste of time in that regards.


One of the biggest problems that Jonas faces is that many of the deliberate "jokes" that they write for the Jonases don't work and are simply frustratingly, jaw-droppingly bad. Take for example the moment when Nick comes rushing in to tell the guys that their favorite backup singer can't work on their new demo because she has a frog in her throat. No, literally, Nick explains, a frog in her throat; she has to get a "frogectomy." I mean, seriously? Who on earth writes rubbish like that and then expects any actor to try and make it work? The Jonases fair much better with jokes that play into the "it's a TV show" aspect of the show, such as when they repeatedly break the fourth wall and address the audience or when Kevin decides to spontaneously break into song and an extra walks across the screen to hand him a guitar while a spotlight comes on. For every two or three lame jokes that practically thud, there is one legitimate laugh that comes from its self-reflective nature.

Not surprisingly, the Jonases are the least interesting actors on the show. Kevin is definitely the most fun of the three with his dumb schtick (he has a comedic element that's actually reminiscent of Justin Timberlake at times). Joe occasionally gets some good lines and he's definitely better than he was in Camp Rock but it's hardly great. Nick, with his serious nature, is "The Kelly" in the show (named after the girl in my high school who every year had the lead role in the play but it was always as the dull straight person in a farce full of supporting nutjobs) but, with the right push, he could either develop that into a Buster Keaton-style stone face or a Victoria Beckham way of deadpanning everything (There was this great Beckham-esque exchange in the first episode where the girl Nick is crushing on tells him he has a great smile to which he replies, "Shh, it will ruin my image.").

Obligatory pause for a pretty picture of Nick.

The real star of the show, however, is Chelsea Staub as the perpetually crazed Stella. She has the sweetness around here that reminds me of La Tisdale on the few episodes of The Suite Life I've seen but she also really lays into the physical comedy bits she is given. When she bets her Jonas-obsessed friend Macey (a lovely Nicole Anderson) that she can go longer without texting than Macey can go without talking about the Jonases, she runs the gamut of usual withdrawal symptoms but she really goes for them and the moment when she finally gives in rings with genuine hilarity. When the Jonas Brothers finally grow out of this Disney crap and concentrate fully on their music, it will be Chelsea Staub that we will be watching and wondering what she will do next to impress us. C

I've heard Sonny With a Chance described as "30 Rock for the tweens" but I found it hard to believe that any show airing on the Disney Channel could be anywhere as good as the best show on TV currently. I was wrong. Don't misunderstand me, 30 Rock will always be leaps and bounds smarter and funnier than Sonny, but for a Disney show aimed at tweens, this show is impeccably well-constructed and acted.

The Liz Lemon of this show is Sonny Munroe (played by Demi Lovato), the fresh-faced newcomer from Wisconsin to the cast of So Random!, a teen sketch comedy show obviously based on my generation's revered All That. The pilot episode deals with Sonny's integration into the cast and ends up preaching some nonsense about getting along with people that I've been hearing since elementary school. Thankfully, that is as close as this show ever gets to moralizing. The rest of the episodes are jam-packed full of fun as Sonny, being the Liz Lemon, gets in trouble, makes said situation worse and then rallies the cast--which includes the Jenna Maroney to Demi's Liz, self-absorbed, delusional diva Tawni Hart (portrayed brilliantly by Tiffany Thorton), the usual duo of fools Nico and Grady (Brandon Smith and Doug Brochu) and the young oddball (Allisyn Ashley Arm, who's mugginess and child actor tics are irritating to say the least)--to solve the problem. The premise is oh-so-simple, but you can't even imagine how many laughs they wring from it.


The characters on Sonny With a Chance are nothing more than stereotypes we've seen countless times before, but part of what sets the show apart is how committed these actors are to them. Demi starts the show off kind of rough, relying on that huge smile of her through much of the first episode to project niceness. As the season progresses, however, she starts to let loose and get into the (anarchic) spirit of the show. With a lesser actress than Tiffany Thorton, Tawni would have ended up as big of a travesty as Meghan Martin's diva/mean girl in Camp Rock. Thorton knows exactly when to go all out for the big laugh and when to pull back so she doesn't become obnoxious or overdone. But no one deals more with stereotyping than Sterling Knight (whom you may remember as Zac Efron's son in 17 Again) as narcissistic tween heartthrob Chad Dylan Cooper, star of the hit tween drama Mackenzie Falls which shoots in the studio next to So Random!. Given all the douchey characteristics he is given, it would have been easy for Knight to cop out and try to sneak some sympathy every now and again to make him more likable. Thankfully, he doesn't and plays the jerkiness for every laugh possible.

Obligatory pause to admire Chad Dylan Cooper (you know he would demand it).

I'm also impressed that any single episode of Sonny With a Chance is more structured than any Disney Channel movie released in the past four years. Take for example the episode titled "Battle of the Networks' Stars." The episode starts with Demi sitting at a table in the cafeteria with what she thinks are her co-stars. It turns out that they are simply look alikes so she heads to another table and runs into the same problem. Finally the real castmates come in and they have no idea what is going on. It tuns out that Chad is directing the biopic of his life (appropriately titled Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story) and is holding auditions for people to play the members of So Random!. The castmates protest and eventually Chad gives in--partly anyways. He still makes Sonny tryout for the part of herself but in the end chooses Selena Gomez (playing herself) to play Sonny in the movie. So, Selena decides to study up on Sonny, following her and mimicing her every move, and decides to call her out on her love for Chad. Sonny, of course, denies this and when Selena brings it up again with Chad, citing that she needs to know for "character motivation," he denies it as well. The episode comes to a head when Sonny comes on the set of the movie and starts giving Selena direction on how to play her. When she starts overstepping the boundaries and yells "Cut!" during a scene, Chad gets angry at her and they proceed to have a shouting match through their megaphones while standing not more than 10 feet apart. Selena then stomps off the set after they both turn on her and mentions something about doing Camp Hip Hop. Chad then offers the role back to Sonny and she ends up taking it. At the very end of the episode, the castmates are all gathered around the TV watching Selena in Camp Hip Hop and it turns out to be a thinly disguised version of Demi's Camp Rock, complete with Jonas Brothers look-alikes and everything! The layers of comedy that Sonny consistently builds on never less than impresses me. The way that the show is able to laugh at itself and not take itself so seriously is one of the reasons why I think this show will appeal to people beyond its target demographic. The show may not be completely perfect (I could live without the dumb sidekicks even if I understand their purpose) but when it's right (that being anytime Demi, Tiffany or Sterling appear in a scene) it's damn close to being one of the funniest shows on TV, Disney Channel or not. A-