2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Picture

And the nominees are...

The Departed (Martin Scorsese)

With all the guns, murder, violence and mob talk, there's no way I should have loved this movie as much as I did. But Scorsese has crafted a mob thriller that is both intelligently made and ass-kickingly cool- not an easy combination.

Dreamgirls (Bill Condon)

A cinematic experience to say the least. Condon's adaptation of the beloved Broadway musical receives the epic treatment and not a minute goes by where you don't feel his heart and soul in every ounce of the film.

Little Miss Sunshine (Jonathon Dayton and Valerie Faris)

Little Miss Sunshine probably had the most to overcome (a quirky, independent road film with an overly familiar plot) but, somehow, it rises against all of these hindrances and became one of the most beloved films of the year. It's quirky but not annoyingly so, familiar but still hilarious and the cast has some of the best chemistry of the decade.

The Painted Veil (John Curran)

The only non-ensemble film on my list, and it's all the better for it. Too many actors would have gotten in the way of the visual splendor. Sure, the landscape is romanticized a bit, but when it looks this gorgeous, who really gives a shit? Plus, Edward Norton and Naomi Watts deliver heartbreaking performances that very carefully avoid cheap and easy cliches of the romance genre.

Shortbus (John Cameron Mitchell)

Once you accept the graphic frankness about sex and sexuality, what you realize is that Mitchell has crafted a truly powerful and strangely moving reflection on human sexual relationships. This is the kind of maturity we don't get from the movies every day and is definitely something to be cherished.

If Only There Were Six: Notes on a Scandal (Richard Eyre): I have never been both this amused and scared shitless at the same time.

Rest of the Top 10: Borat (Larry Charles): I haven't laughed this hard at a movie in a long time...Children of Men (Alfonso Cuaron): Visually stunning and a truly thought provoking piece of art...The Prestige (Christopher Nolan): Another mindfuck, but still hypnotic....The Science of Sleep (Michel Gondry): Original in every sense of the word

BRONZE
Little Miss Sunshine
SILVER
Dreamgirls
GOLD
The Departed

There you go, my 2006 Diva Cup Awards are finally complete. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I did creating them. Tune back sometime next year for 2007!

Kathy Causes Controversy and J. Hud Has a New Movie!

A couple of days ago, I reported that Kathy Griffin won a Creative Arts Emmy for her reality show My Life on the D-List. Well, apparently, Kathy made some comments in her acceptance speech that has sparked a controversy. According to IMDb, Kathy said in her speech, "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now." Now, the Catholic League is demanding an apology and claiming these remarks are "hate speech." Kathy apparently replied, "Am I the only Catholic left with a sense of humor?"

I know this isn't a good thing, but I can't help but feel proud for Kathy Griffin. She's finally gotten involved in an A-List controversy! Plus, I think "Suck it, Jesus" is one of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. Who else but her would have the balls to say that at the Emmy's?
According to Variety, Jennifer Hudson has joined the cast of the new Sex and the City movie. She will play the assistant to Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw. I've never seen an episode of Sex and the City, but I will definitely be at this movie just to see my beloved J. Hud. I hope the role is amazing and she will get to prove her nay-sayers wrong!

It's also J. Hud's birthday today. Happy 26th Jennifer!

Just a couple of little news blurbs I found IMDb earlier this afternoon:

~After an unsuccessful nomination last year (and a hilarious diva fit when she didn't win), Kathy Griffin won the Creative Arts Emmy (aka "the Schmemmy") for Best Reality Program! I am so happy for her and am glad she finally has something to show for all of her hard work! You go Kathy!

~Rob Marshall has now confirmed that Catherine Zeta-Jones (whom he directed to an Oscar for Chicago back in 2002) and Marion Cotillard (who is earning an multitude of raves for her performance in the Edith Piaf biopic La Vie en Rose) will join the already impressive cast of Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem and Sophia Loren for his film adaptation of the musical Nine (which, in itself, is based on the Fellini film 8 1/2). I don't know too much about the musical, but damn, this cast has me intrigued. And with Marshall in the director's chair, you know it's going to be great.

Slapstick Blog-a-thon: Jane Fonda and Wanda Sykes in "Monster in Law"

While I could have picked something from either Chaplin or Keaton (undeniably the supreme masters of slapstick and practically gods in my eyes), I decided to do something contemporary for this Blog-a-thon. The first movie that popped out at me was Robert Luketic's 2005 Jane Fonda/J. Lo comedy Monster in Law. While a lot of people hated this movie, I thought it was one of the freshest, funniest romantic comedies to come along in ages. Plus, it's got some of the funniest slapstick that still looks fresh even after multiple viewings (I laughed super hard even while trying to get these frames). Just take a look at this scene: it's the rehearsal dinner for Charli (J. LO) and Kevin's (Michael Vartan) wedding and Viola (Jane Fonda) and Charli have been fighting all night. Frustrated, and not willing to lose, Viola finally runs into the kitchen to put nuts in the gravy (which Charli is allergic to). Ruby (Wanda Sykes) runs in to try to stop her.






Ruby eventually talks Viola out of it, but it is too late because one of the other guests has brought out the tainted gravy and Charli is already eating it.




Eventually, Ruby and Viola realize they have to hide the evidence, so, in a moment obviously inspired by the Chocolate Factory episode of I Love Lucy, they start shoving the nuts anywhere they can.

It's Britney's Comeback, Bitch

I'm just speechless after witnessing the biggest atrocity to mankind since the Idol Gives Back special last April: the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. From beginning to end, the show was one complete and utter mess. The performances were lousy, the teleprompters kept fucking up and they got rid of all the awards. Thank God the thing only lasted two hours.

The show started right away with the mega-hyped comeback of Britney Spears. Now, I've been waiting for this all day and have been annoying my friends by counting down until it happened ("Guys, only 3 hours until Britney's comeback!"). So when it came....let's just say I was horrified. I wanted so much for her to do well and silence all the nay-sayers, but her performance was just awful. I figured she would lip-sync, but I didn't figure she would lip-sync so terribly; her mouth hardly even moved! I could forgive her this if she was dancing like hell, but she didn't even do that! Britney looked so awkward on stage, almost like she had never done it before, and she didn't really dance- she just kind of posed and swayed a little bit. The only good thing about the performance was the reaction shots of the stars in the audience: Rihanna basically laughing her ass off and 50 Cent wondering what the hell was going on. No matter how you looked at it, the Britney comeback was a disaster and she's going to have to overcome even more shit to return to her former glory.

But it's not like the rest of the Video Music Awards was any better. Sarah Silverman completely bombed after Britney. Justin Timberlake won like everything he was nominated for. Alicia Keys sounded horrible during the first half of her performance (the second half wasn't too bad). The lovely and talented MJB (Mary J. Blige) sounded almost retarded because of the screwy teleprompters. The only "good" things of the night were the brief appearance of my girl J. Hud who presented the "Best Quadruple Threat Award" (which is a hoot because she should have the won the damn thing hands down), the 45 second performance of Rihanna singing "Umbrella" during Chris Brown's performance (which wasn't bad except for the fact that it didn't seem to go together at all) and the final performance with Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Nelly Furtado (which, in other years, probably would have been mediocre, but because everything sucked this year, it was easily the Best in Show). While the premise of this year's show seemed fresh and new, it was still the lame awards show that it has been for the past few years. It's a shame, because the VMA's could be really amazing instead of dreadfully boring.

The 41:59 Quiz

Here's the Idea:

Below are 20 pictures taken from the 41 minute and 59 second mark from their respected film. Guess as many of them as you can in the comments. Some of these are pretty easy, but some are going to be really hard.

#1

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
(J.D.)

#2

CHICAGO
(J.D.)

#3

#4

KILL BILL VOLUME 1
(J.D.)

#5

KILL BILL VOLUME 2
(J.D.)

#6

#7

MOMMIE DEAREST
(StinkyLulu)

#8

MONSTER IN LAW
(J.D.)

#9

#10

SPICE WORLD
(StinkyLulu)

#11

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
(J.D.)

#12

#13

#14

THE WOMEN
(StinkyLulu)

#15

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
(J.D.)

#16

HAVOC
(J.D.)

#17

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?
(StinkyLulu)

#18

MEAN GIRLS
(J.D.)

#19

PSYCHO
(StinkyLulu)

#20

GONE WITH THE WIND
(J.D.)

There you go! Who ever gets the most right will have the honor of forcing yours truly to rant about and film or performance that they so choose (granted, of course, that I have access to the movie).

P.S. If you disagree with someone's answer, don't be afraid to give your own. For all you know, they could be wrong and you'd be right.

UPDATE: Wow, two people have single handedly figured out 15 of these, leaving 5 toughies for everyone else to figure out. If no one guesses them within the next couple of days, I'll give a few hints.

It's Britney, Bitch

I know I've been relatively quiet on here about the whole Britney meltdown (if you know in me real life, however, hardly a day goes by where I don't mention it in some random conversation) but I figure that she has enough troubles of her own that she doesn't need another annoying blogger ripping on her every single day. Besides, I'm really rooting for her and her enormous comeback. And I think she can do it with her new single "Gimme More." Right now, it's probably more infamous for the opening line "It's Britney, bitch" than anything else, but it's a really good song to just get up and dance to. It's not on the level of Britney masterpieces such as "You Drive Me Crazy (The Stop Remix)" or "Toxic," but it is a great song nonetheless. In case you haven't heard it yet, go over to the latest feature on my blog. Scroll down a smidge and on the left you will see my Box.com jukebox. Here are the other three songs that I am including right now:

~Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse "Valerie": I just downloaded this last night and I can't get it out of my head. I just got my hands on a copy of Winehouse's critically acclaimed CD Back to Black and it is amazing. This song doesn't appear on that CD, but rather on Mark Ronson's Version which, from the songs I have heard, should be amazing.

~Belinda Carlisle "Heaven Is a Place on Earth": I know it says Debbie Gibson, but it really is Belinda Carlisle singing one of the greatest/cheesiest songs of the 80's "Heaven is a Place on Earth." I could listen to it all day.

~Hugh Grant "Pop! Goes My Heart": I thought Music and Lyrics was complete shit, but this song is so damn catchy! Damn them and their great faux-80's tune.

I hope you enjoy these songs and I will try to change them every once in awhile.

Things That Annoy Me: Perez Hilton and His Blog

To inaugurate my latest series, creatively titled "Things That Annoy Me," I decided to write about someone who's become sort of a quasi-celebrity for writing one of the least interesting blogs I have ever read: Perez Hilton. In case you've never heard of him, he's an overweight homosexual who constantly changes his hair color (in lieu of actually having personality) and writes this blog about the celebrities and their wacky behavior. Now, one would think that this could be rather interesting (given, of course, that you love celebrity gossip) but instead it is so freaking unimaginative and lacks any attempt to be the least bit witty or funny.

To show you what I mean, here are some of my interpretations of what a Perez Hilton entry might look like:

Britney shows off her vajayjay while stepping out of her car on her way to Club X in Los Angeles with new pal Paris Hilton (no relation).

Girl, please put on some panties.

Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay

Channing likes it up the butt, says a former friend in a Perez exclusive.

I wouldn't have this much of a problem with a lackluster blog if Perez weren't considered a "celebrity" and wasn't such a cocky asshole about it. I know I've never met him before, but all the proof I need is in the episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List that he appears on toward the end of last season. On this episode, Kathy is thanking him for writing something nice about the passing of her father on his blog even though there was some bad blood between them. First of all, you do not start shit with Kathy Griffin---you grovel at her holy feet. As a gay man he should especially know this. Second of all, you don't act like your fucking Hedda Hopper (look her up, kids) around the Queen when all you do is write on a fourth-rate blog. Kathy gives him free sex toys to try and win him over and he kind of half-heartedly looks at them and turns them on. Kathy is impressed that they are taking a limo to lunch and he kind of shrugs it off like it's no big deal. Then, when they are at the restaurant a couple of people come up and ask Kathy for her autograph, he has the audacity to ask if she's paid them to come over while he is there and then he acts all offended when they don't ask for his autograph. Sorry they probably have better things to be doing, like, I don't know, stabbing plastic sporks into their extremities, instead of reading your shitty blog.

I don't know who Perez Hilton thinks he is, but he is nowhere near the hot shit that he believes himself to be. I hope some scandal errupts and his downfall happens swiftly and painfully.

P.S. If you want to read an amazing celebrity gossip site, go and visit The Superficial. Not only does it deliver celebrity gossip but it does it in an amazingly fresh and witty way. Plus, it has my favorite headline ever. I'm not going to lie, I laughed for awhile even though it's pretty serious shit.

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Director

And the nominees are...

Bill Condon, Dreamgirls

Not only does Condon guide Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson into giving, in my opinion, the Best Supporting Actor and Actress performances of the year, he also performs miracles behind the scenes with his nearly flawless direction that proves that after Chicago and Moulin Rouge! musicals are back and as good as ever.

Key Scene: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" is flawless, but the "Steppin' to the Bad Side" number is the way Bob Fosse would have done it had he been alive to direct.

Alfonso Cuaron, Children of Men

Holy long take, Batman! With his risky use of the long take and other directorial choices, Cuaron elevated this pretty average science fiction story into the realm of high art. A wonderous feast for the eyes even after repeated viewings.

Key Scene: The Procession of the Child

Michel Gondry, The Science of Sleep

Gondry has enough imagination for three directors and The Science of Sleep is further proof that he is one of the freshest directors of our generation. If you thought Eternal Sunshine was off the wall, wait until you see some of Gael Garcia Bernal's dreams...whoa.

Key Scene: That final moment with Bernal and Gainsbourg on the horse...the closest I've ever seen anyone match the poetic beauty of the ending to Chaplin's City Lights

Christopher Nolan, The Prestige

Maybe not as perplexing as Memento, but I still left the theater trying to fit it all together. Definitely deserves a couple of viewings to see just exactly what went on.

Key Scene: The Explanation of Why We Saw 100 Top Hats in the Beginning

Martin Scorsese, The Departed

Scorsese is back and better than ever. The film is 2 1/2 hours, but thanks to the quick pace and ass-kicking action, it never feels that long.

Key Scene: Billy and Colin's Showdown on the Roof

If Only There Were Six: John Cameron Mitchell, Shortbus:

Rest of the Top 10: John Curran, The Painted Veil...Pedro Almodovar, Volver...Paul Greengrass, United 93...Sofia Coppola, Marie Antoinette

BRONZE
Michel Gondry, The Science of Sleep
SILVER
Alfonso Cuaron, Children of Men
GOLD
Martin Scorsese, The Departed

Random Top 10: Films I'm Most Excited to See This Fall

Now that the summer is over and my Hairspray fanaticism has died down a bit, it's time for my favorite part of the year: Oscar Season. Over the next four months we get bombarded with intelligent, well-made pictures all fighting it out to win the Oscar next year. Since there are so many great films coming out this fall, I wanted to share which ones I'm most excited for. Here we go:

10. There Will Be Blood (Paul Thomas Anderson) Comes out December 26th

I love Paul Thomas Anderson's films. He's only made three films (Boogie Nights, Magnolia and Punch Drunk Love) but they are all really great. Hopefully, his new film There Will Be Blood won't be the exception. Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano play a father and son going through some serious family issues in turn-of-the-century Texas. And since Day-Lewis plays an oil prospector, maybe there will be some sort of commentary about the situation today.

9. Sweeney Todd (Tim Burton) Comes out December 21st

Since this is a musical, it probably should be a little higher on my list, but there are a couple of reasons why: 1. I'm not familiar with the show. I know the premise and gimmick and everything, but I don't know the score or anything. 2. I'm not a huge Sondheim fan. I know that's practically blasphemy but there are some of his songs that just don't impress me. These reasons won't stop me from seeing it, however.

8. Lust, Caution (Ang Lee) Comes out September 28th

After Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Brokeback Mountain, I am a big Ang Lee fan. Is there nothing this man can't tackle? Now he's moving on with this sexy spy thriller set in WWII-era Shanghai. It sounds really good, but what really has me intrigued is the NC-17 rating it received.

7. The Savages (Tamara Jenkins) Comes out December 26th

I love dysfunctional family dramedies and The Savages appears to be the best one coming out this fall. Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman star as brother and sister caring for their ailing father.

6. The Brave One (Neil Jordan) Comes out September 14th

Jodie Foster is always a joy to watch and with an awesome director (Neil Jordan, who did the amazing The Crying Game) and that great trailer, this one will be hard to miss.

5. Leatherheads (George Clooney) Comes out December 7th

Three Reasons: 1. I love anything dealing with the 1920's- such a fantastic period in history. 2. George Clooney hasn't disappointed me as a director 3. John Krasinski + vintage 1920's 3-piece suits = my ass in the seat

4. American Gangster (Ridley Scott) Comes out November 2nd

I loved The Departed and if this is even half as good as that film, it will still be worth the admission. Plus, these posters are just kick ass.

3. Atonement (Joe Wright) Comes out December 7th

I couldn't get through the book, but I'm betting that director Joe Wright, Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast will make this one a can't miss.

2. Rendition (Gavin Hood) Comes out October 19th

Jake Gyllenhaal. Reese Witherspoon. Meryl Streep. Peter Sarsgaard. Alan Arkin. What more do I have to say?

1. I'm Not There (Todd Haynes) Comes out November 21st

I've already ranted on this film before, but I'm still super excited about this film. I'm not completely sure why, but I think it has something to do with Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale and Richard Gere playing Bob Dylan in the same film that's got me hooked. Plus, this trailer is amazing.