About a Banner

In case you haven't noticed, I decided to change my banner. I liked my last one well enough, but it was more because I couldn't find my Photoshop CD after my computer died and I couldn't find a replacement program to make a new one that prevented me from making a new one. Thinking about it now, ten months was a ridiculous amount of time for that silly banner. But that's old news and we are on to something fresh. And that something fresh is my new banner, complete with pictures of Steve Sandvoss (of Latter Days fame), Andrew Garfield, Nick Jonas, Zac Efron and Timothy Hutton (from Ordinary People, of course). But what do they have in common? I posed this question on my Twitter a few hours ago, but only one person (@jdjudge, natch) knew the correct answer. This outcome isn't too surprising given that my theme is kinda dirty and really personal. But, still, this is me we're talking about. When have I ever shut up? So, without further ado, the banner theme is....

.......

My fetishes and fantasies!

Okay, are you still with me? I hope you let me explain before you leave all repulsed. Going from left to right, here is a breakdown of the banner:

• Hot Mormon Fantasy
• Guys with Sexhair
• Guys in Baseball Uniforms
• Guys on Motorcycles
• Emotionally Damaged Boys

So, yes, you've gained an insight into what turns me on. Don't ever say this blog wasn't educational. What do you think of the new banner? And, more importantly, if you were to make a banner with this same theme, what would you include on it?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless 2004 (As If Any Other Film Matters)

My Film Log for 2004 is up and ready for discussion. It should come as no surprise that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is my favorite film of the year because, honestly, who doesn't have Eternal Sunshine at their number one spot? It's with the rest of the Top 10 list where things get a bit nutty. Mean Girls at number 2? Yes, I honestly believe that Mean Girls will be one of the films from 2004 that people will remember 15-20 years in the future. Tina Fey's screenplay, in my mind, forms a Holy Trifecta with All About Eve and Network as the most perfect screenplays ever written. As for Dodgeball, no, I'm not under the influence of drugs or anything; I honestly think it's a great comedy. I'll admit that when I first heard the premise, I scoffed at how idiotic it sounded, but then I saw it and I was in stitches from the beginning to the end. Call me crazy, but I loved it.

Let's move on to my Diva Cup Award acting nominees: has my love for Steve Sandvoss totally blinded me or is his performance in Latter Days actually better than Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland? I'm going to have to say yes. And I know that nominating Minnie Driver for The Phantom of the Opera is totally random, but I have a story that will totally clear up any confusion. Soon after I got my driver's license, my friends and I drove to the nearest movie theater to see The Phantom of the Opera. We all pretty much liked it at the time (it's quality has gone down in my estimation since then) but the one part my friend Jill and I loved the best was La Carlotta's big scene in which threatens to leave the show roughly 20 times, always with the exclamation "Where's my doggy?" It was at this point that we decided we wanted to be like her and devote the rest of our lives to being as big of divas as she was. So, in my worldview, the performance was a major success. How about you? What did you think about Minnie Driver? Or is the performance completely forgotten four years later?

Let me hear your opinions about anything 2004 related in the comments and, while you're at it, vote in this poll:

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Imaginary Boyfriends (and Girlfriends) of 2008

Last year, I listed 10 or so people I fell in love with throughout 2007 and instead of doing the same thing again, I decided to change it up a bit for 2008. For this year's list, I choose a number of people whom I like to think of as my imaginary boyfriends (and even some girlfriends)- in other words, the hottest and most beautiful men and women of 2008. And, in case you're particularly attentive, the men from this list are ineligible since I've already proclaimed my love for them (repeatedly, in many instances) and I wanted to show off some new blood.

Sam Sparro
No one looked quite as dapper as Sam Sparro did in his top hat and tails in his "Black & Gold" music video. Even when he dresses up in something as outrageous as this, he's still a hottie in my books. Oh, how I wish he could find success in America so everyone could love him as much as I do.

Gaspard Ulliel, Louis Garrel & Grégoire Leprince-Ringuet
The French trio of Gaspard, Louis and Grégoire made quite the impression on me in 2008. This photoshoot made my jaw drop and I've been a Gaspard fan ever since. I saw Louis in The Dreamers a couple of years ago, but it wasn't until the one-two punch of Ma Mère and Les Chansons d'Amour that I realized just how sexy he was. People kept talking about Robert Pattinson's hair all throughout 2008, but he has nothing on Louis and his locks which practically has me screaming, "Dirty Frenchboy, come have sex with me." And what can I say about cute, little Grégoire? He was so adorable as Garrel's charming, albeit a little stalkerish, boyfriend/rebound guy/whatever in Les Chansons d'Amour.

Jamie Bell
I know, what took me so long? I'm still going through his filmography, but I finally saw Billy Elliot and his performance completely floored me. Besides, just look at what that cute preteen grew up to become.

Jesse McCartney
I'm not sure when it happened, but sometime over 2008 Jesse McCartney went from a blonde, mop-topped, girl-ish looking, 14 year old to a Justin Timberlake-wannabe, sex machine. All I can say is that I'm grateful it happened.

Nick Jonas
It may be a felony, but I'm not ashamed...Nick is a total hottie.

Cam Gigandet
One viewing of the mediocre Never Back Down was all it took and now I'm obsessed. I remember him as Volchock on The O.C. but, for some odd reason, he's so much hotter now.

Steve Sandvoss
Latter Days was no masterpiece, but Sandvoss' performance in it was one for the ages. It would have been easy for him to have simply shrugged off the whole Mormon aspect of the role and instead focused on being a hot boy who happens to be a Mormon. Luckily, Sandvoss is smarter than that and crafted a character that, no matter your religious preference, you can totally sympathize with.

Mitch Reinholt
As the perfectly adorable jock who expands his horizons by dating the quirky and artistic Hannah in the documentary American Teen, Mitch Reinholt quickly stole my heart. I didn't even care that he ended their relationship in the douchiest way possible, he still seems like a good guy

Nicholas Hoult
This one came out of nowhere, considering I had never seen an episode of Skins or his performance in About a Boy, but after looking around photographer Kai Z. Feng's website (more on that here) it was an instant attraction. Now that I've seen the first episode of Skins, I feel confident that this attraction will blossom into something more once I see season 1.

Penn Badgley
I've been in love with Penn ever since the first episode of Gossip Girl. True fact. He only gets hotter in my eyes as time goes on. Now, all we need is for the Gossip Girl writers to give him something interesting to do this season and we'll be all set.

Christina Hendricks
That ass! Those curves! Goddamn, this is a REAL woman!

Penélope Cruz
Whenever I was at work and straightening up the makeup aisle, I always had to stop for a second and admire the lovely Penélope Cruz ad for L'Oreal. She is a breathtaking beauty; whatever she does, she always looks flawless. It's totally not fair. Add to that the fact that she has a gorgeous boyfriend and she gets more interesting as an actress with every performance and she becomes even more enviable.

Rants on Latter Days

There have been countless surveys counting down the greatest gay films ever made (the most recent being AfterElton's) and, for some reason or another, Latter Days (C. Jay Cox, 2004) is consistently high up on the list. It's not exactly a horrible film- there are certainly worse gay films out there *cough*Big Eden*cough*- but Latter Days isn't exactly the type of film I want to represent my people (for lack of a better word). Can the gays like a film that doesn't rely on stock characters, damaging stereotypes of gay life, horrible dialogue and generic, way too obvious themes? I know they can (Brokeback is number one for God's sake) but sometimes I wished they embraced the better ones a little more.

In short, Latter Days is about a Mormon missionary, Aaron, who moves in next to gay party boy Christian (way to be obviously ironic, screenwriter!), the relationship that blossoms between the two and the conflict between Aaron's faith and his orientation. When we meet Christian, we are automatically introduced to one of the main flaws of the film: the fact that his character perpetuates every stereotype that we've not only seen in the movies for 20 years, but also what uber-right wing conservatives think every homosexual's lifestyle is. Not only is Christian vain and superficial, but he also parties it up every night, sleeps with a new guy and every night and is intent on "converting" straight boys. In fact, Christian's almost a dangerous stereotype in the context that people who might glance at this film will start to think that every gay man acts like him, when in reality, most don't. The fact that we have to spend a majority of the film watching his totally superficial, telegraphed right from the get-go transformation really pissed me off. You mean I had to spend 20 minutes listening to Christian's angsty drivel delivered through crappy poetry when sweet Aaron was getting his testicles electrocuted? The other characters that are in this film are also stereotypes of the most tiring sort who get in the way far too often: the Sassy Black Friend, the religious bigot, the HIV victim who spreads pearls of wisdom like fairy dust (and who's inclusion in the story was shameless in the highest degree) and the wise older role model (in this case, provided by the beautiful and glamorous Jacqueline Bisset, who deserves much better than this awful role- she's worked with Truffaut for Christ's sake!)

I was actually surprised to find out that writer/director Cox actually grew up a Mormon like Aaron because, for the most part, the screenplay felt like Mormon 101 and skirted some in-depth issues I would have loved to have seen covered. There's this scene toward the beginning where Christian and his Sassy Black Friend (I seriously don't remember her name) invite Aaron and Elder Ryder (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, totally adorable even when an intolerant Mormon) to give them the Mormon lecture about how great the religion is and why they should convert, etc. It's starts off innocently enough, with Christian making a small joke about how he would be considered crazy if he heard the voice of God in the way that Joseph Smith did, but then, all of a sudden, it just explodes with the Sassy Black Friend bitching about the church's stance on black people, JGL retaliating with something about gays are evil and Christian defending himself while beating the church down. If Cox had taken a second and not gone straight for the easy target, he could have something special in this scene. A civil, semi-intelligent conversation with a point about religion and homosexuality would have made this scene so much more interesting. Instead, we're left with the tired "God hates homos" and "You're a bigot" arguments that I could have surmised on my own without this movie.

If anything in the film works well, credit that to Steve Sandvoss' performance as the achingly sweet gay Mormon Aaron. While most of the actors in the cast are coasting on stereotypes, Sandvoss delivers a performance that makes me feel for the character and helps me understand his relationship with Christian- both central to a romance and both equally hard to do. I don't know how he did it, but Sandvoss made me, a sarcastic, mean-spirited Athiestic Catholic who prays to Oprah before exams, deeply empathize with this devout Mormon who wouldn't say or do a mean thing to anybody. Sandvoss is especially great with the details, whether it's his dorky, do-gooder aura he gives off when he talks with Christian in the laundry room (come on, we've all met deeply religious people who act just like that when socializing) or his scene with Jacqueline Bisset where he actually listens to her problems and doesn't simply offer some weak, low-blow, "Come join our church!" bullshit. And then there's that ending when he comes back to Los Angeles after going to the institute to "change" his sexuality- oh boy, that's an emotional suckerpunch. He wanders the streets, like a hollowed out Holocaust survivor, just trying to find his way back to Christian and nearly collapses when he can't find him at his house. It's all due to Sandvoss that these moments are actually heartbreaking and not merely a stop-over to the inevitable conclusion. For all of Latter Days problems, I actually find myself wanting to see this film again, just to watch this performance again and fall in love with Aaron all over again. Unfortunately, one great performance can't save an entire film. C-