Things That Annoy Me: Christian on Project Runway

In the aftermath of the news that Christian has been announced the winner of this season's Project Runway, I have to get something off my chest: I hate this fucker. I know I'm probably the only person on the planet who feels this way, but I just don't like him. Why does everyone like him? He perpetuates every negative stereotype about gay men, complete with limp wrists and stylized high-pitched voice. And don't even get me started about that so-called catchphrase of his, "That's fierce!" Let me just say that Tyra has using this since day one on America's Next Top Model and she uses it so much better. I also don't understand why people go crazy over his clothes. They were fine in the beginning, but after awhile we all know what they're going to look like- big, dramatic collar and puffy sleeves with a vest or jacket and skinny leg pants. I really am pissed he won- not just because I can't stand him, but he also denied the more deserving Jillian and Rami their due prize. Sure, Jillian is probably the most boring person on the planet and Rami has a strange passion for draping, but their collections were beautiful. Jillian knows how to make a great jacket and Rami's evening gowns were immaculate. Boo to another lousy choice from Project Runway!

Things That Annoy Me: People Who Should Be Famous But Aren't

There are few things that annoy me more than when young and talented actors are overlooked for the likes of annoying tabloid-hogs like Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Mischa Barton and those bitches from The Hills. I love my quasi-celebrity gossip but, Jesus, let some actual talent get a chance to become famous (for, lets say, being a good actor and not by leaking a sex tape or getting out of cars without wearing panties). Here are two actors that, if the world were a perfect place, would get better roles and be more famous than Paris and Nicole put together.

Brittany Snow

Where You've Seen Her Before: Most recently, Brittany appeared as Amber Von Tussle (Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter) in Hairspray, but before that she starred in the underrated TV show American Dreams and the Mean Girls imitation John Tucker Must Die.

Who She Might Remind You of: Vanessa Hudgens plus talent and minus the naked pictures or a toned-down version of Ashley Tisdale.

Why You Should Give a Shit: Because she has the talent to become a major star in the Reese Witherspoon vein. Brittany was definitely the most interesting Pryor child on American Dreams (she was the only actual character who developed over the series next to stereotypes like the Golden Child J.J. and Annoying Smart Ass Patty) and more than proved herself worthy of great roles. After the show was canceled in 2005, Snow landed a 5 episode role on Nip/Tuck as the son's Neo-Nazi girlfriend. I've never seen the show, but I saw parts of it and, although startling to see her go from "I love American Bandstand" to "Heil the Fuhrer!", she was pretty convincing. I suppose the only reason she took her role in Nip/TuckJohn Tucker Must Die was for a paycheck and mainstream exposure, but I'll be damned if she wasn't the only positive aspect of that dreadful Mean Girls imitation. She milked as many laughs as she could from that putrid script and acted circles around Ashanti and that gardener from Desperate Housewives. Finally, with Hairspray, Snow caught a break with her perfect casting as Amber (an amazing reverse take on Meg Pryor) and even managed not getting swallowed whole by the A-list adult cast and ambitious teenage cast. Plus, she had that hilarious phone call scene which still totally makes me laugh ("This is...Mike." "Mike who?" "It's MIKE."---well, it was better in the film than on paper).

What She's in Next: A bunch of indie films it looks like: On the Doll (the weird ass trailer is here); a dark comedy called Finding Amanda in which she plays a prostitute/stripper; and in Tony Kaye's (director of American History X) newest film Black Water Transit. Plus, in order to pay the bills, she's starring in the PG-13 horror film Prom Night out next April.

Shawn Pyfrom

Where You've Seen Him Before: He plays Marcia Cross's gay son Andrew on Desperate Housewives.

Who He Might Remind You of: A less skanky Shia LaBeouf (he's an okay actor, but ugh) or a non-singing and dancing Zac Efron.

Why You Should Give a Shit: Because, for awhile, him and his constant battles with conservative mother Bree were the absolute highlight of the show---and we all know how hard that is with all of those housewives begging for attention. He was angry, bitter and manipulative and, yet, we still cared about him (or at least I did). Andrew only did the things he did because his mother didn't accept his sexuality and believed he was going to hell. Well, that's kind of a lie (he was a vindictive little bastard) but he was still a ton of fun...a far cry from your average gay teen on TV. Who else but Andrew would have had sex with his mother's sex addict boyfriend just to piss her off? So, it was a shame when last year, after returning home from a few months in the street, Andrew turned good again and hasn't gotten a single storyline since. He has the talent (he's proven it before) now give him something interesting to do.

What He's in Next: No upcoming films or anything. If he gets a juicy storyline on Desperate Housewives this season, however, that won't even matter.

Things That Annoy Me: Perez Hilton and His Blog

To inaugurate my latest series, creatively titled "Things That Annoy Me," I decided to write about someone who's become sort of a quasi-celebrity for writing one of the least interesting blogs I have ever read: Perez Hilton. In case you've never heard of him, he's an overweight homosexual who constantly changes his hair color (in lieu of actually having personality) and writes this blog about the celebrities and their wacky behavior. Now, one would think that this could be rather interesting (given, of course, that you love celebrity gossip) but instead it is so freaking unimaginative and lacks any attempt to be the least bit witty or funny.

To show you what I mean, here are some of my interpretations of what a Perez Hilton entry might look like:

Britney shows off her vajayjay while stepping out of her car on her way to Club X in Los Angeles with new pal Paris Hilton (no relation).

Girl, please put on some panties.

Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay

Channing likes it up the butt, says a former friend in a Perez exclusive.

I wouldn't have this much of a problem with a lackluster blog if Perez weren't considered a "celebrity" and wasn't such a cocky asshole about it. I know I've never met him before, but all the proof I need is in the episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List that he appears on toward the end of last season. On this episode, Kathy is thanking him for writing something nice about the passing of her father on his blog even though there was some bad blood between them. First of all, you do not start shit with Kathy Griffin---you grovel at her holy feet. As a gay man he should especially know this. Second of all, you don't act like your fucking Hedda Hopper (look her up, kids) around the Queen when all you do is write on a fourth-rate blog. Kathy gives him free sex toys to try and win him over and he kind of half-heartedly looks at them and turns them on. Kathy is impressed that they are taking a limo to lunch and he kind of shrugs it off like it's no big deal. Then, when they are at the restaurant a couple of people come up and ask Kathy for her autograph, he has the audacity to ask if she's paid them to come over while he is there and then he acts all offended when they don't ask for his autograph. Sorry they probably have better things to be doing, like, I don't know, stabbing plastic sporks into their extremities, instead of reading your shitty blog.

I don't know who Perez Hilton thinks he is, but he is nowhere near the hot shit that he believes himself to be. I hope some scandal errupts and his downfall happens swiftly and painfully.

P.S. If you want to read an amazing celebrity gossip site, go and visit The Superficial. Not only does it deliver celebrity gossip but it does it in an amazingly fresh and witty way. Plus, it has my favorite headline ever. I'm not going to lie, I laughed for awhile even though it's pretty serious shit.