Showing posts with label twilight movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twilight movie. Show all posts

Saturday, August 14, 2010

If You're Going to Have an Opinion, Please Don't Be Stupid

I'm all for critics having a differing opinion from my own; in fact, I relish it. Our differences are what makes the world go 'round, etc. But when you have an opinion and either can't defend it or your defense makes no bloody sense, that's when we have a problem. I recently read this article at the Guardian about the French New Wave that got my blood boiling. Look, I'm a self-admitted New Wave fanboy who has seen more of Godard and Truffaut's filmographies than any sane person double my age should, but I realize that the films aren't for everyone. However, when I'm reading a dissenting opinion, especially on a site as well known as the Guardian, I'd expect the author to offer a more substantial defense of their opinion instead of a hacky piece you would expect from a fifth-rate, attention-seeking blogger. Let's take a look at some passages from the article and dissect them, shall we?

"There are few images more enduringly cool than that of Jean-Paul Belmondo and Jean Seberg strolling nonchalantly down the Champs-Élysées in Jean-Luc Godard's À Bout de Souffle. Never mind that the scene did not actually appear in the film itself..."

...Except that it does. When the author was allegedly watching Breathless, were they actually paying attention or were they so distracted by how "awful" the whole experience was they had momentary amnesia?

"But here's the thing: I don't actually like the New Wave. There, I've said it. All that indecision and self-reflection – a sort of Twilight for grown-ups, only with paler stars and better fashion sense."

Now this is the point of no return for me. It's one thing to not like something, but it's another to compare the French New Wave movement with a vampire series aimed at teenagers for the dual purpose of appearing to be hip culturally speaking and gaining notoriety for making outlandish statements. If she could possibly defend this statement, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But the fact that the author says it, in the middle of a single paragraph for emphasis, without adding any support makes her lose credibility. If the indecision she is referring to is the Jean Seberg character's inability to decide whether or not to turn in her hoodlum boyfriend in Breathless, there is no logical way you can compare that to Bella trying to decide between Jacob and Edward in Twilight. Seberg's indecisiveness lasts 10 minutes, if that, of a 90 minute movie; Bella's is stretched out over two 2+ hour films. Yeah, real comparable. As for self-reflection, I won't deny that Truffaut and Godard, in particular, had an affinity towards characters who liked to talk a lot and mostly about themselves. I can see how this would be dull to non-fans, but these moments of reflection are rarely on the level of stupidity that Bella and Edward's endless prattling about their love for each other and their vampire problems are.

"I don't deny that Cahiers du Cinéma directors were geniuses of a sort, film critics who saw an overblown and worn-out Hollywood machine and decided to do something about it. When it came out in 1960, À Bout de Souffle stuck two fingers up to the studios still trying to pump money into soulless epics such as Cleopatra."

Wrong again. Unlike a lot of critics, the Cahiers critics were huge supporters of the American film industry and of certain directors like Hitchcock, Hawks and Ray that many important American critics completely ignored. No doubt they would have had problems with something as bloated as Cleopatra, but they saw mainstream French cinema as the big problem that needed fixing.

"The problem is the characters: Michel, with his obsession with Humphrey Bogart, Patricia with her pseudo-intellectualism. They always felt fatally underdeveloped, pastiches of their predecessors and less exciting than successors such as Bonnie and Clyde."


To complain that the characters of the New Wave films were underdeveloped is to completely miss the point of the movement. In Breathless, Godard wasn't particularly interested in exploring these characters; they were mere figures to not only hang his ideas about love, life and the movies on but also as a way to experiment with the stylization that eventually changed filmmaking. If the characters had been "developed," there would have been no room for Godard's manic jump cuts or to explore his obsession with the movies. He would have spent the entire time trying to get to the bottom of these characters. Also, did it ever occur to the author that maybe what we see in Breathless is the extent of the depth of these characters? Both Michel and Patricia are soulless creatures, children of Marx and Coca-Cola who have no depth beyond their silly lives. I'm not sure what the author was expecting, but I doubt Godard would have cared to show it in his movie. The author then goes on to cite the schoolteacher in The 400 Blows as another example of "underdeveloped" characters in New Wave movies. Wow, way to pick on a tertiary character and use it as a main point in your thesis. How about picking on one of the main characters in that film? Oops, wait, you can't, because, between Truffaut and the actors themselves, Antonie, his mother and father are all well-rounded and fully shaped characters.

"Both Godard and Truffaut were at one point on board to direct Bonnie and Clyde, a film that undeniably owes their influence a great deal. But had they done so, would Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway have spent time debating their lovelife instead of shooting up Middle America? Arthur Penn...understood that American audiences could only take so much soul-searching. They were ready for action!"

Has the author seen Bonnie and Clyde recently? I actually watched it again for the first time in years the other day and I was actually surprised at how little of the film revolves around guns and bank robberies. Sure, the shootouts are probably the most famous sections of the film, but a good portion of the film is devoted to exploring Bonnie and Clyde as romantic folk heroes. They do spend a lot of time "debating their lovelife," whether it's in the form of Clyde's impotence or Bonnie's unhappiness being surrounded by Buck, Blanche and C.W. 24/7. It may not be as hardcore as in any French New Wave film, but it exists and I resent the fact that the author suggests that Bonnie and Clyde is nothing more than a shoot 'em up action film. Those last two lines in particular, ripe with irony and smugness, really annoy me.

"Truffaut is the master of self-indulgent film-making. In Les 400 Coups, Antoine, the neglected child, is undeniably cute. But how can his audience ever forget that this is Truffaut they are watching, that it is Truffaut again in Jules et Jim, that it is always Truffaut. Like Tim Burton today, Truffaut needed a good editor to tell him when his labour of love had become dull for everyone else."

Again, this is another matter of personal preference. Where one person sees "self-indulgent filmmaking," another (such as moi) sees Truffaut as a filmmaker with the self-awareness to find a little bit of himself in every single project and the ability to make these projects an extension of himself as a human. There's no doubt that Truffaut had an overriding theme that pervades nearly every single film of his. I call this thesis "Love at all costs," but he never explored this the same way twice. The Antoine Doinel films,
The Story of Adèle H., Mississippi Mermaid, The Bride Wore Black and Day for Night all revolve around this theme yet you'd be hard-pressed to find another commonality between them. And that last dig, comparing Truffaut to Tim Burton, was unnecessary and another example of the author making comparisons just to be controversial. Even Jules et Jim, which I'm admittedly not a big fan of, has a lot more merit as art than Burton's silly but empty versions of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Sweeney Todd.

I could probably go on and on ranting about this dumbass article, but I suppose I've made my point clear enough. Like I said in the beginning, I'm all for people have differing opinions from my own and I truly believe that not every film "classic" is for everyone. But when you're trying to write a thought piece on an entire film movement, it's best to use more than a couple examples to prove your point. Based on this article, my guess is the author has only seen Breathless, The 400 Blows and Jules et Jim and decided that that was enough to make an all-encompassing opinion about the movement. This would be the same as me writing something, positive or negative, about the German New Wave of the 70's having only seen a couple Fassbinder movies. Not everyone has to be in love with the French New Wave, but your negative opinions at least need be, I don't know, intelligent and supported.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Quote of the Day


"My wife [Jennie Garth] is having a cougar crush right now. And I think I had a man cougar crush for a minute, too."

Peter Facinelli on Sterling Knight at the Twilight Saga: Eclipse premiere. The more this man opens his mouth, the more I like him. (Via)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Happy Eclipse Day!








Now that is one sexy, sexy cast!

Well, boys and girls, today is the day. At 11:59 pm tonight, Twilight fanatics around the country will be piling into theatres to get their first (and most likely not last) glimpse at the latest installment in the series, Eclipse. I, of course, will be among those people like I have been for the past two movies. This probably sounds hypocritical of me since I complain about these movies every chance I get, but, in all honesty, I don't go to these midnight screenings for the movies themselves. Sure, seeing Taylor sans shirt and making fun of dumb Twi-tards going apeshit at stupid moments are both huge positives, but my excitement goes beyond that. My best friends are all Twilight fans and going out with them to these showings has become a way of celebrating our friendship. When New Moon came out last November, I was so excited I kept referring to the day as "New Moon Day" like it was some kind of holiday. Honestly, though, it did feel like a holiday: I spent all day in giddy anticipation, then a lovely dinner with my best friends and some awesome new people and, finally, the movie, which practically made me orgasm around 20 times that first time. Hell, I even made a freaking cake (red velvet, because I am clever like that)! If that doesn't sound like a great holiday celebration, I don't know what does. It was a hundred times better than Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family in which I spent the whole night in a numb, alcoholic stupor while my brother and his girlfriend laughed at my intoxication. Basically "Eclipse Day" means more to me than just a silly movie; it's a day to celebrate friendship with the people I love best. So even if you don't give a shit about Eclipse, go out and celebrate "Eclipse Day" with your best friend, your BFF, your mate or whatever you call them and do whatever you love best.

Friday, December 11, 2009

My Inner Monologue During Twilight Saga: New Moon on Two Different Occasions


Thursday, 11/19, Midnight Screening: "OMG, here we go! Stewart, Kendrick and Lautner Abs, please don't let me down...Wait, did I stumble into the wrong theatre? We're less than a minute in and it looks like Chris Weitz is actually attempting to be artistic in some way with this dream sequence. I mean, this is not Ingmar Bergman or anything, but it's definitely a far cry from Hardwicke's Twilight. I guess I'll have to look for something else to make fun of. Based on the first film, this should take another 45 seconds max...Oh good, Robert Pattinson is arriving at school. In slow motion. This should be hilarious...Wow, that actually wasn't too embarrassing. Weitz and Pattinson actually seemed to be letting loose and having fun at the expense of Edward Cullen. Is there hope for this film? Damn, that kiss between Edward and Bella was steamy; I think Pattinson just came in his pants. And now Lautner has arrived to make this triangle complete. I love that he has skipped class just to come across town to Bella's school just to give her a birthday present. Way to endorse truancy! Lautner's now going for the hug with Bella and...goddamn! Did you see that look he shot at Pattinson? It was basically the equivalent to Beyoncé's threatening 'Try me, bitch!' in Obsessed...I'm impressed at how well the screenwriter and Weitz have condensed the bloated, blundering novel this is based on. Even in comparison with Twilight, which highlighted the wrong sections of the novel and actually made it seem longer, New Moon feels much swifter (Seriously, the novel spends 100+ pages following a mopey, epically depressed Bella in a series of repetitive scenes and internal thoughts that feel endless. I am forever grateful that in the film they condensed that Ben-Hur-sized section into one--beautifully done, I must add--long take that lasts not more than 90 seconds)


"HOLY SHIT. Lautner just took of shirt! If you can ignore that hideous wig on his head, this is absolutely perfect...He's walking around shirtless in the rain. I, uh, um, I, er...Is it hot in here or just me? Bella, how can you just stand there and not bounce on the boy?! You have way more self control than I ever could...And now he's in your bedroom, shirtless, sitting on your bed, practically inviting you to ride him like a bronco? Bitch, why are you just standing there? I, uh...(This is probably the point where I melted into my chair and nearly passed out. The girl sitting next to me asked if I was okay while my friend Megan started fanning me. I think I can honestly understand all of those women in the 1920's losing their shit over Rudolph Valentino). Whew, that was a close one. Lautner and Stewart are ever so close to locking lips. Come on, DO IT. I don't care if it's not in the fucking book, DEFY IT. The book is a piece of shit anyways. Come on, come on, so close...FUCKING TELEPHONE AND FUCKING EDWARD. How dare you ruin it! Lautner and Stewart muster more palpable sexual tension than you ever could with her, you soggy British wimp.


"Now Bella is off to save her precious Edward and I, officially, don't really care anymore. Blah blah Volturi blah blah grand theft auto blah blah...Haha, I love that after watching Taylor's glorious abs for the last hour, the audience has turned against Pattinson's naked torso. I literally hear boos coming from people in the audience. This makes me so happy...Here comes Dakota Fanning trying to win that ever elusive Oscar. Out of everyone on the cast, she, of course, takes this shit way more seriously than necessary. Sorry D, I don't think you'll be hearing your name come Oscar nomination morning...The film finally ends with a semi-showdown between Edward and Jacob where Edward, the big limped-dick pussy he is, thanks Jacob for protecting Bella while he was off being a whiny emo bitch. Jacob, thankfully, refuses his thanks and instead basically calls out Edward's douche-ness...I think I'm on Team Jacob now." B-

Friday, 12/4, 9:40 Showing: "OH MY GOD. GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT! Why is this film dragging so much more than last time? Lousy scene after lousy scene is just floating by in front of me and I am gleaning absolutely nothing from it. The motive of each scene is important, but the putrid dialogue is nothing more than an awful excuse for writing. Who the Christ talks like that? Certainly not any teenagers I know. And, my God, could Stewart and Pattinson be any f-ing stiffer in the break-up scene? They are standing about 20 feet apart, stiffer than Pattinson's dick when watching Lautner take off his shirt and do nothing but stare at each other. I feel like I'm trapped in one of those awful D.W. Griffith silent Victorian melodramas where the romantic leads look into each others eyes for endless amounts of time and a simple blink or lifting of the hand is supposed to reveal excessive amounts of emotion...Bella, I simply can not feel sorry for you. You have two men in your life, one is a sexy mofo with a slight sense of humor and the other, if nothing else (and I do mean nothing: he's not charming, funny, interesting or cute), is quite devoted to you, willing to risk their lives and happiness just to appease you and I can't even get a boy to ask me out. Oh yeah Bella, you have it so rough.


"Why does everyone take this damn film so seriously? The plot is incredibly idiculous, rife with obvious clichés and eye-rolling moments and yet everyone on the cast and crew treats it like grand drama or, worse yet, end-of-the-world tragedy. New Moon could be great camp and a lot easier to swallow if everyone just let loose and had some fun with the material. This is why I generally hate blockbusters and what I found so refreshing about Star Trek. That wasn't a perfect film but it understood that the whole premise is silly and had a good time playing it for laughs. Thankfully we have Anna Kendrick (who is possibly even more fun as Jessica than she was in Twilight and whose line reading of "Movies with Bella? Fun" is an immediate classic--I literally almost ROFL'ed in the theater) and Michael Sheen (if his role didn't seem so pointless in the grand scheme of things, I might consider him for a Best Supporting Actor Diva Cup) to liven things up and adds dollops of humor whenever they come on-screen. Honestly, thank you. I don't think I could have made it through this time without you. Your muffin baskets are in the mail." C-

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fuck Jacob and Edward


I'm on Team Bella and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

P.S. Will anyone ever love Kristen Stewart as much as I do?

P.P.S. Only 6.5 hours until I get to see the fierce trio of Kristen Stewart, Anna Kendrick and Taylor Lautner's abs!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

These Are a Few of Megan's Favorite Things

Today my good friend Megan is turning 21 and, as part of her birthday weekend week festivities, she requested that I make a blog post for her. Well, it is her day--how I could turn that down? So, in honor of her birth, here are some things that I know will make Megan happy.


And since she's the only person I know who sat through X-men Origins: Wolverine four times for Mr. Jackman, here are some special pictures from that movie.




She has this poster in her room and forces me to look at it whenever I step in there.

She's on Team Jacob (and I'm thinking about converting after this poster. Yowza.)



And she's the only person I know who remembers (or admits to remembering) the awesome British boy band 5ive's 'When the Lights Go Out' (Bastards at Youtube won't let me embed here on the blog)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Xavier Samuel Has Given Us a Reason to Care About Eclipse

In case you haven't heard yet, Australian actor Xavier Samuel has been cast as Riley in Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight Saga. When it was rumored awhile ago that Channing Tatum was wanted for the part, I asked my Twilight-loving (I wouldn't call them obsessed--they realize that Robert Pattinson and Edward Cullen are two distinct people) friends who Riley was in the novel (they mercifully let me stop after New Moon) and they were a bit surprised that they wanted Channing for a role that was so tiny and insignificant. Apparently, he's some kind of minion of Victoria (played by Rachel Lefevre in the first two and now taken over by Bryce Dallas Howard in a controversial firing last week) who loves her so much he'll do anything for her. I'm guessing the role has been expanded somewhat since the unknown-in-America Samuel has been getting quite a bit of publicity and the whole Lefevre/Howard replacement was deemed necessary since the shoot couldn't work around ten days that Lefevre was missing. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't just the gossip sites catering to the Twitards's need to know everything about every small day detail of the film adaptations.

It's not like I can really blame them, though. I find it fascinating that so many people can be that caught up in a series which is complete and utter rubbish. The only reason I particularly care to see New Moon at this point is for my girl Kristen Stewart (Team Bella all the way) + Anna Kendrick + Kellan Lutz + Taylor "Jailbait" Lautner's abs + the chance to make fun of the movie after it is done. I'm sure by the time Eclipse comes in 2010, all of that will be old hat so I'm glad that Xavier Samuel has come to give me something to look forward. Both Stale Popcorn and The Rural Juror have praised his acting talents in Australian films like September and Newcastle, but since I haven't had the opportunity to see any of his work, I'll just have to settle with looking at him. And if you can call this "settling," well, this world might not be so bad after all.







(Pics courtesy of Just Jared)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Things I Loved About Last Night's MTV Movie Awards

Listen, I'm not going to argue that the MTV Movie Awards is a show that needs to be taken seriously or that their nominees and winners signify the end of cinema as we know it or something (especially since my picks won three of the Top 5 awards). They're stupid, harmless fun and that's all they've ever been. I just really hate it whenever someone gets a bug up their ass and yammers on and on about the "tweenification" of the culture and points to this as an example. Well, duh. MTV has always been aimed at this demographic and their Movie Awards show that. It's like blaming the Teen Choice Awards for thinking Hayden Christensen is the best actor of any year. Anyways, let's get a move on and discuss the highlights of last night.


Leighton Meester looking like the hot diva she is.



Anna Faris's reaction (fast forward to the 56 second mark) after getting robbed losing Best Comedic Performance to Jim Carrey.

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner introducing the much-hyped sneak peek at New Moon. As much as I dislike Twilight and Robert Pattinson, you have to find it amazing that the producers are willing to risk a multi-billion dollar movie franchise on two leads who can't speak in public or be fake "charming" like other movie stars. They are totally awkward when not on set and I kinda love that.

Speaking of Kristen Stewart being awkward...



I know that there are many, many of you out there who completely disagree with me, but this is exactly why I love Kristen Stewart. Not only is she uncomfortable with the limelight, she's also has no idea how to craft a great soundbyte. Plus, you've got to love that after pulling a Bella and dropping the award she just won, she goes back up there and complete owns her awkardness and clumsiness by saying, "That was just as awkward as you thought it was going to be! Bye." What a goddess.


LA TISDALE WON BREAKTHROUGH FEMALE PERFORMANCE! I know it may not seem like much to all of the haters, but this win felt completely genuine over some of the more obvious choices like Twilight and Efron for Best Male Performance (not that it wasn't justly deserved). My apologies to Pinto, Seyfreid and Dennings, but it felt to me that this award would come down between Miley and Vanessa with La Tisdale as the dark horse. La Tisdale winning proves that the tweens were voting based on genuine talent and future capabilities, not just "comedic timing," "musical talent," their personal lives or tabloid-ready exploits. La Tisdale took Sharpay, relegated to the background in HSM3, and with a bit of sass, wit and musical chops, she beat the two stars of their respective movies. Way to go tweens for getting it right!

As an added bonus, let's take a gander at this threesome of hotness. Yum.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Because I Can't Resist an Easy Target

A couple of days ago, MTV announced their nominees for their annual Movie Awards (which has produced some illustrious winners as Napoleon Dynamite for Best Movie and The Governator, Keanu Reeves and Jim Carrey--for Ace Ventura!--as Best Actor) and since they're both stupid beyond relief and as ridiculous as always, they're a prime target for my comments. Prepare the snark-fest!

Best Movie
The Dark Knight
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire
Twilight

Wow, we're actually off to a decent start here. Way to go, MTV! It's not exactly what I would have chosen, but it's no worse than Oscar's picks this year. Shitdog is the worst of the bunch here, no surprise, but the nominees include two mediocre, bordering on dislike films (Iron Man and Twilight) and two quality crowd-pleasers (Dark Knight and HSM3); compare to Oscar with two shits (Shitdog and F/N), two mediocre (Benjamin Button and Reader) and one excellent film (Milk). Not bad for an award's show aimed solely at the masses.

Who I Voted for: High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Best Actor
Christian Bale, The Dark Knight
Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man
Vin Diesel, Fast & Furious
Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Shia LaBeouf, Eagle Eye

And now is the point where MTV shows their true colors. Best Actor has traditionally been their worst category, often awarding some idiot action star for kicking ass or something of the sorts. This year? What do you know, four of the five nominees are in meatheaded action films. I normally enjoy Christian Bale and RDJ and they both gave serviceable performances, but not exactly earth-shattering or even that interesting. I haven't seen Eagle Eye, but I sincerely doubt my favorite person on the planet Shia LaBeouf was even given a chance to act in that one. And when I think of actors stretching their acting muscles, my mind goes straight to Vin Diesel in Fast & Furious. I'm sure there were scenes full of depth and pathos when Vin was driving in the 14th race in the film. Ugh.

Who I Voted for: Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Did Efron have to act much? I don't think so. But he radiated as much charisma and movie star charm as RDJ did in a much, much better film)

Best Actress
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Angelina Jolie, Wanted
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
Kristen Stewart, Twilight
Kate Winslet, The Reader

What. the. fuck. This is, without a doubt, the most fucked up, random list of nominees you could ever generate--and only one (okay, two...in parts) legitimately good performance. Angelina Jolie was better in Wanted than she was in her Oscar-nominated performance in Changeling, but that's really not saying much. Taraji P. Henson gave the best performance but, yet again, that's really not saying much either. I love me some Winslet, but The Reader is far from her best performance (and I'm curious why the tweens voted for her...surely they didn't see this movie). Now that we've gotten those out of the way, let's discuss Anne Hathaway, shall we? I love this woman and this love only grows deeper every day, but her "performance" in Bride Wars was a trainwreck from beginning to end. It's not really her fault--there was absolutely nothing she could have done to turn that piece of shit character to get more comedy out of it--but if you we're going to nominate her for something, why not Get Smart, which wasn't great but better in comparison or Rachel Getting Married, since they were already in the mood for "weird," Oscar pictures.

Who I Voted for: Kristen Stewart, Twilight

Breakthrough Male
Ben Barnes, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Taylor Lautner, Twilight
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Bobb'e J. Thompson, Role Models

Is there really any doubt that Robert Pattinson is going to win this? I know that this category is basically "Hottest Guy" but I've heard all sorts of bad things about Ben Barnes's performance in Narnia. And Taylor Lautner? Really? He was in Twilight for, what, five minutes. I'm guessing it's just anticipation for New Moon, where he has a much bigger role.

Who I Voted for: Bobb'e J. Thompson, Role Models (He was funny, sure, but any child actor could have said the outrageous lines he was given and but just as good. But do I really have any choice?)

Breakthrough Female
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Kat Dennings, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Freida Pinto, Slumdog Millionaire
Amanda Seyfreid, Mamma Mia!
La Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year

My favorite category this year by a long shot. Cyrus, Hudgens and Pinto are shi: I know this and you know this. But Amanda Seyfreid?! Kat Dennings?! La FREAKING Tisdale?! Be still my heart!

Who I Voted for: La Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year (surprise surprise!)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Oprah (Oh and it's My Second Anniversary!)






















Let's all stop whatever we are doing and take a moment to give thanks to Our Lord and Saviour, Oprah Winfrey on her birthday today. Just remember: without her, we're nothing. We owe all of our successes to her and her giving nature.


Oh, and by some random act of God....er, Oprah, the second anniversary of Rants of a Diva is also today. Hooray! Thank you, my lovely readers, for your continuing support and enthusiasm in the comments. Without you, I probably would have given this up ages ago, but it's always a pleasure checking my email and seeing even just one or two comments. I'm also grateful that this excursion has connected me with fellow cinephiles from around the world that I never would spoken with otherwise. I love hearing about their opinions and lives outside of the blogosphere and I hope that I will get to talk with more of you in the coming year!

So, as tradition stipulates- although I'm not really sure it's technically a "tradition" after only one year- here are my 21 favorite and best posts from the past year. I hope you take the time to re-read some favorites, discover some hidden gems you may have missed or, if you're new to the site, figure out what exactly is going on in my head. Enjoy, and I hope to keep seeing you in the coming year!

1. Rants on Camp Rock
Apparently, this was quite popular with my readers. Who knew that the one thing everyone could agree on was their hatred of the Brothers Jonas and their incredibly awful made-for-Disney movie?

2. Top 10 Victoria Beckham Quotes from Spice World
The most underrated performance of the 90's, in my opinion, gets the star treatment here as I dissect Victoria Beckham (Adams at the time of this movie) and her delicious comedic timing on odd lines like "...and then there's the little ginger one, full of useless information...about manta rays."

3. Rants on Stolen Kisses
My love for both François Truffaut and Jean-Pierre Léaud grew into an unhealthy obsession after watching Stolen Kisses this past summer. On top of all that, the film also made me understand the public's obsession with sequels and why they can never seem to get enough; too bad very few sequels are even close to being this good.

4. Billy Shakespeare and Zac Efron
Who knew that a post in which I called Zeffirelli's 1968 version of Romeo & Juliet (even after I had seen Baz's version) the best ever made and said that Shakespeare was hella overrated would be my most controversial? Not me.

5. La Tisdale Oscar Campaign
Enjoy this series of posts devoted to getting my beloved La Tisdale an Oscar nomination for High School Musical 3: Senior Year. Even if it proved ultimately futile, I still had a ton of fun on the way.

6. Rug Rats Blog-a-thon: Phillip Alford in To Kill a Mockingbird
My analysis of what I consider one of the greatest child performances of all time- and I normally find child actors sickening- with an extra special surprise in the comments.

7. Rants on Twilight Based on the Overheard Comments of the Random Teenage Girl Sitting Next to Me
This review of Twilight definitely wouldn't have been possible without the offhand comments of the random Twilight fanatic who sat by me.

8. People Who Can Suck It: Katy Perry
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that Katy Perry is a homophobic piece of trash (even though I kinda like "Hot 'N Cold" now). "I Kissed a Girl" and "Ur So Gay" are abominations.

9. Blair Waldorf, Je T'aime
I loved Leighton Meester before, but this episode of Gossip Girl really sealed the deal for me. As I say to J.D. every week: "Where is this woman's Golden Globe/Emmy?"

10. Endings Blog-a-thon: Billy Elliot's Completely Sucky Ending
I absolutely LOVED hearing everyone's opinion about the slightly controversial ending to Billy Elliot- even if you completely disagreed with me. I hope we can get more of this type of discussion in the coming year.

11. 10 Things I Hate About Slumdog Millionaire
I realize it's only two weeks old, but I'm proud of it. If only this review could stop their impending Oscar win...

12. Rants on Mamma Mia!
A review so harsh and unrelentless that, when I showed it to my mother, she asked, sarcastically, "Wow, what did you really think about it?"

13. Great. Now Everyone Thinks I'm a Super-Stylized, Psycho Killing Machine
Over the summer, I bought two movies at the same time without even thinking about it, but, when I got home, I realized just how crazy I must have looked.

14. My (Vaguely Distracted) Thoughts on Never Back Down
I try to review Never Back Down but something else distracts me in the process.

15. I'm the Nicole Kidman
A random thought I had one day that I just had to share with you all. You're welcome?

16. Imaginary Boyfriends (and Girlfriends) of 2008
Wait a minute, you guys like seeing pictures of good looking men and women? Who knew?

17. New York Goes to Hollywood, You Skanky Ass Bitch
I realize that no one else cares about the lovely and talented Tiffany "Miss New York" Pollard, but I think I did a fine job of summing up the first episode of her latest reality show.

18. My Same Difference Obsession
Popjustice brought this brother and sister act to my attention and, after the release of Pop, it grew into an obsession. I'm actually grinning like a moron while I'm typing this sentence.

19. La Tisdale is Pissed (and Other Emmy News)
Oh shit! Take cover: La Tisdale isn't in contention for an Emmy nomination for High School Musical 2 while Vanessa Hudgens and Corbin Bleu are.

20. Movies About Movies Blog-a-thon: The Opening Scene of Day for Night
Just the tip of the iceberg of a movie so complex and intricate you would need to do a proper thesis to get everything out of it.

21. An Interrupted American Medley in My Heart
Forgotten stars of the 40's and 50's Eleanor Parker and Susan Hayward really deserve your attention. Even if the films I mention (Interrupted Melody and With a Song in My Heart) are two of their weakest, they are still absolutely fascinating to watch. Plus, Hayward's American medley is a real campy treat.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Rants on Twilight Based on the Overheard Comments of the Random Teenage Girl Sitting Next to Me

Like I mentioned before, I went to the midnight screening of Twilight on Thursday night and, being my first, I really had no idea what to expect. Would people dress up like vampires to commemorate Edward and the rest of the Cullen clan? Would the audience break out into random applause at the stupidest points in the movie like in my screening of Sex and the City: The Movie? Would the teenage girls, which composed up to 97% of the audience, freak the fuck out when "heartthrob" Robert Pattinson appeared on screen? To answer the questions: No (although there were these weird girls who put on fake blood and somehow got plastic vampire teeth to stick their neck), Kinda (instead of applauding, they laughed...more on that later) and Hell to the Yes (but this shouldn't surprise you). The experience was a bit disorienting and might have taken away from the film (I think I'm going to see it again in a couple of weeks once the hysteria has died down) so instead of a regular review, here's what I over heard the random girl sitting next to me muttering to her friend all throughout the movie, followed by my commentary.

"That's not Bella's voice." This was uttered right at the get go during Bella's (Kristen Stewart) opening monologue. I realize that this girl probably read the book 10 times before a film version was announced- I knew Stewart was in it by the time I read it so I simply imagined her in the role right away- and that she had her own idea of what Bella looked and sounded like, but give Kristen Stewart a chance before you tear her down! You have to let go of all of your broad preconceived notions about what the characters should "sound" like when you're going into a film like Twilight.

"She's so awkward!" Once again, this was directed at Kristen Stewart during one of her scenes with her father (Billy Burke, who's actually quite impressive- his scenes with Stewart actually felt more genuine than 90% of the ones between Stewart and Pattinson). At this point, I wanted to shake the girl and tell her, "Haven't you read the book? That's the point!" Bella is a shy, detached loner who doesn't feel the need to talk a lot- not exactly the most comfortable person to be around. You have to chalk it up to Stewart's immense talent that Bella is realized on-screen this uncompromisingly. With her quivering voice, nervous tics and emotions bubbling up ever so delicately on her silent movie star face, Stewart's intensely introverted performance is a sight to behold, a thing of true and relentless beauty. When she finally discovers what Edward really is and they are finally able to admit their feelings toward each other, there's a moment where the pair lie on the ground, just staring into each others eyes: the look Stewart emits from her eyes and face is absolutely mesmerizing and something I can't get out of my head a couple of days later. It's easy to understand why the teens don't like her- she way too subtle for them- but whenever she's on screen, it doesn't matter this film is a complete mess at times, her performance totally transfixes you in ways that no drama aimed at the teen demographic ever has.

*Gasp* This sound, of course, was uttered when Robert Pattinson first appears on-screen. I wasn't too surprised, considering all of the stories I had been hearing for the past week concerning girls asking Pattinson to bite them at public appearances. Let me just mention that I wasn't one of the many gasping at Pattinson- he still had a lot more to prove to me than just show up looking pretty do-able. Unfortunately, he never proved that he was the least bit competent in this role. The scene after we first see him is when Edward and Bella are sitting next to each other in Biology class for the first time. Edward is supposed to be greatly uncomfortable and totally freak the fuck out of Bella, prompting her to think that something is wrong with her. In Pattinson's hands, however, Edward practically has a seizure while dry heaving into his hands and then staring at Bella like the creepiest stalker imaginable. The audience was laughing all throughout this scene, but I don't think that this was Hardwicke's intention; we're generally supposed to be slightly creeped out by Edward at this point, not laughing at him like a silly clown. Throughout the rest of the film, Pattinson never gets any better, matching Kristen Stewart's fantastic facial expressions with dumb gazes worthy of Chace Crawford and often butchering simple lines to the point of madness. He's so bad at times it makes you wonder what exactly Catherine Hardwicke was thinking by hiring him for this film and how much better this film could have been with a much better Edward. I know I've already pimped out Gaspard Ulliel, and he would be absolutely perfect, but also imagine what Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick, Gregoire Leprince-Ringuet, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (although he may be a tad old) or Elijah Kelley might have done with Edward and then tell me you don't mourn what this film could have been.

"That's not even funny." The audience I was with was completely retarded and laughed every two minutes, often at the stupidest parts. Anytime a line of dialogue that was supposed to play on the fact that "Haha, Edward's a vampire, get it?" was uttered, the audience roared with laughter like it was the funniest thing ever said in the history of comedy.

"'Hold on, my spider monkey'? Who says that?" A-greed. That was a horrible line. And I don't remember it in the book, so you can't even blame Stephenie Meyer.

"This sucks, I'm about ready to leave." I don't remember at what point she said this, but it was getting towards the point where I was just as frustrated at this film. The book was so perfect for a film adaptation (overlong and repetitive, therefore capable of handling a large number of cuts) but it got messed up in the translation somewhere. At times, I wish there was more of the Edward/Bella relationship going on but at others I just want them to stop staring at each other and do something. I don't know, the whole experience left me very conflicted; I know there are problems with the film but I'm at a loss as to what needed to be fixed. The film is shot a lot in either close up or extreme close up, creating an intensely intimate atmosphere that mirrors the relationship between Edward and Bella, and I applaud Hardwicke for taking such an unneccessary stylistic chance in such a crowd-pleasing film, but it really gets in the way some of the time. First of all, it does Robert Pattinson no favors and secondly, it provokes unintentional laughter in some of the scenes. When the band of bad vampires show up to the Cullen family baseball game, the constant cutting between extreme close ups of Edward's and James' (Cam Gigandet) eyes and the members of each group ready to pounce on each other like that cafeteria scene in Mean Girls where the kids turn into wild animals was hilarious, but for all of the wrong reasons.

"This movie was great!" Yes, by the time everyone was filing out of the theatre, the girl next to me literally said this to one of her friends (At this point, I was telling my friend something to the effect of, "Let's get out of here and away from these crazy superfans before we discuss what the hell went wrong"). I'm not exactly sure what provoked such a drastic change- I know by the end everything had found a good groove and even Pattinson wasn't getting on my nerves as much, but it was by no means a "film-saving" ending. Twilight is not a great film by any means- hell, it's hardly a good film- but it's certainly not the disaster it could have been with a less competent director and more generic, less specific leading lady. At the very least, I guess we can be thankful that it wasn't turned into something drastically different from the book and rendered totally unrecognizable. That would have been an even great tragedy. C

Many thanks to the random teenage girl sitting next to me for providing the inspiration needed to write this review!

Friday, November 21, 2008

My Immediate Reaction After Twilight

Is it too late to swap out Robert Pattinson for Gaspard Ulliel? Catherine Hardwicke's Twilight needs an actor and not just another pretty face.

I just got back from the midnight showing (my first ever!) and I'm exhausted, so I'll post more thoughts later on.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Robert Pattinson is a Heartthrob?

I'm so confused. Why exactly is Robert Pattinson all of a sudden considered the hottest thing around? Don't get me wrong, he ain't half bad to look at when he's clean shaven and styled decently.


But when he's not and having a bad day? Oh boy, I'd rather hide under my covers than look at his face.


Seriously? This is someone you want to have sex with? I've seen drug dealers seem more pleasant to be around. I'd rather bang Amy Winehouse after a long night of hitting the pipe and stumbling out of taxis. Gross. You people can have him. Call me when he invests in a toothbrush and razor.