Sunday, March 30, 2008

Random Top 10: Victoria Beckham Quotes From Spice World

My original intention was to write a post to convince my readers (all 5 of you) of the awesomeness of Victoria Beckham's performance in Spice World and why it is completely underrated. But after watching the film again twice on Friday, I've come to the conclusion that Beckham's performance completely relies on her line readings and impressive comic timing.

But it's not as if she doesn't try to suggest otherwise. As much as the script and director Bob Spiers allow her, Beckham uses body language to portray her "character" in the group, the "posh" one who is above this whole singing thing. Right in the beginning of the film, backstage after performing "Too Much," the girls are chatting away while walking down the hallway. Victoria, on the other hand, struts down the hallway like she's on a catwalk in Milan and doesn't carry on with the idle chat surrounding her.

Another great moment is the one shown above. The girls have taken an impromptu boat trip with some young contest winners and are having a rocking good time singing along to "My Boy Lollipop". Everyone, that is, except Victoria. She is so over being on that boat it's not even funny. And no silly pop song is going to get her up and moving like she's a silly 13 year old girl. She's a lady, Goddamnit.

Apart from these few, fleeting moments, Beckham is spent being one of the girls, who in real life she is so obviously above it's not even funny. Like I said, the real centerpiece of this performance is located in the line readings, so here are the 10 best:

10. "Sunday drivers- it's only Saturday!"
Note to self: Don't go out for a drive when Victoria Beckham is driving a bus and in a major hurry. She's has serious road rage issues.

9. "Gosh you're fat."
Even while talking to aliens from outer space, Victoria maintains a high level of tact.

I don't know about you, but this is how I picture myself talking to someone in a coma: loud, obnoxious and so over the top that they would have to wake up and wonder "Who the hell is that?"

7. "Slap me!"
Except for the part where Geri tells a laboring Nicola to breathe and Victoria starts panting heavily, this is her silliest moment. Just remember, she asked for it!

6. "Could somebody please tell me...just what exactly is the dress code here?"
We're confused too, Victoria. This is the gayest club in movies until the one in Dreamgirls where the Dreams perform their version of "One Night Only."

5. "I can't run in these heels."
No truer words have ever been spoken.

4. "And then there's the little Ginger one, full of useless information...about manta rays!"
With any of the other girls, this line would have been butchered brutally, but with Victoria she enunciates it so well that it works (and sets up a pretty funny punch line later on).

3. "This dress is dry clean only, Melanie!"
She's nearly drowned in the river Thames (which I've heard is pretty disgusting) and all she cares about are her clothes...a-ma-zing!

2. "Hold on to your knickers, girls!"
For some reason or another, I find myself saying this on a regular basis. And the funny thing is, no one seems to catch on where I got it from.

1. "I'm not that desperate, thank you."
The Holy Grail of line readings. When I re-discovered Spice World about 2 years ago, and realized the amazingness of Victoria's performance, it was all because of this line. She may have nearly drowned, ruined a dry clean only dress and emerged from the river soaking wet, but she'll be damned if she's borrowing anything from Mel B.'s collection of leopard print tights.

Do you have any quotes from any of the girls that you just can't live without?


J.D. said...



*seriously adds to Netflix queue*

Maja B. said...

They all had some great lines during the mothers flash-forward, e.g. Geri: "Brucey! Demi! Keep that bloody racket down!" and of course, Posh's inimitable, "Thank GOD for boarding school"

Adam M. said...

Just wanted to say this is probably one of the most glorious blog posts I have ever come across EVER.


Dame James Henry said...

Thank you so much! I'm glad there is someone else out there who can appreciate Victoria Beckham as much as I do!

W.R. said...

Genius post James, makes me want to watch the movie again.

Jon Chavez said...

"Hang on a minute, do godmothers get stretch marks?"-Posh

"I had the same dream but mine was much much worse, you see I had a head, but there was no makeup on it"-Posh

"Hey you, no no you in the back to the left, I like your dress"-Posh