Tuesday, August 5, 2008

New York Goes to Hollywood, You Skanky Ass Bitch

Did anyone catch the premiere of Tiffany "New York" Pollard's new VH1 reality show New York Goes to Hollywood? I understand that she's very divisive and most people can't even stand to look at her, but I think she's one of the smartest and most fascinating reality stars. Plus, she's one of the funniest actresses on TV right now (I believe this so much that I think she should have been nominated for an Emmy...seriously). On her new show, New York is trying to break into acting and wants to start being taken seriously. After last night's premiere, good luck with that. Here are 5 things I loved about last night's episode:

1. The theme song is Little Jackie's "The World Should Revolve Around Me," which Glenn at Stale Popcorn introduced on his blog about a month ago. It's my favorite song of the moment and the perfect choice for Miss New York.

2. The scene where she's hiring assistants to take her to the top had me dying of laughter. I loved it when she yelled at the first candidate, with the most hilarious annunciation ever, "Get off my property, you skanky ass bitch!" I was also fond of the moment when she nearly choked on her drink when she found out that the second candidate didn't believe in pre-marital sex. She prolonged it so long and was so over-the-top about it that it somehow worked perfectly for her. Her send off number two was also amazing: "She was wearing a sailor outfit but I know that bitch don't own no damn boat!"

3. If you ever want to know how I am when I'm working out, just watch the scene where New York does a "bootcamp" style workout and starts complaining five minutes in and has no desire to do any of the hard work to is required to have a "Hollywood" body. "I have to come back again?!"

4. The monologue she chose to perform was probably the most horrible thing I've ever heard. New York turned it into a comedic sketch, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it was written as a dramatic piece. Either way, it was completely dreadful. No wonder all the casting agents left before she came down to greet them.

5. Sister Patterson is coming! I was worried she wouldn't make an appearance on this show, but, lo and behold, in the preview for the season, she comes to lend "moral support" to her daughter during a voiceover audition and is wreaking havoc on everyone around her. YES! I seriously can not wait for more of this divalicious woman.

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