People Who Can Stop Sucking It: Katy Perry

I know I've been harsh towards Katy Perry over the past year and a half, but Lord knows she deserved it. When 'I Kissed a Girl' became an overnight sensation a couple summers ago, I dismissed her and the song's popularity quite harshly because of the fact it is just another piece of shit song about girls making out for the pleasure of straight guys. Just thinking about that song now pisses me off to no extent (let's not even get into 'Ur So Gay'). Thankfully, her next singles ('Hot N Cold' and 'Waking Up in Vegas') were great enough to slightly forgive her for 'I Kissed a Girl.' I still wasn't completely on Team Katy, however, because I still think she tries too hard to be taboo and shocking (she's not as bad as Adam Lambert, thank the Lord).

When she was announced as a guest judge for Idol this past week, I honestly wasn't expecting much: she'd deliver a couple pointless critiques, I'd yawn and we'd all go on with our boring lives. Imagine my surprise when she came out swinging, ready to piss off contestants and judges alike without giving a shit who she offended. Watch the amazingness below:

The best bits:

1. "This isn't a Lifetime movie!"
2. Kara: "Are you hot or are you cold?" Katy: Sarcastic guffaw and cymbal crash
3. Kara: "I kissed a dolphin and I liked it" Katy: "Please stop. Or I'm gonna have to throw my Coke in your face."

My favorite part about all this is that she is completely gunning for Kara. Now, I've made no secret about my hatred for the incoherent fucktard that is Kara, so seeing Katy just lay into her and call her out on her bullshit just made my day. You can tell by her demeanor that Kara cannot believe someone would have the audacity to question her judgment--she's an American Idol judge, Goddamnit. Who knows better than her how to manipulate the audience with cheesy backstories, mediocre vocals and shameless manipulation spot talent?

All I can say is, thank you, Katy Perry. Thank you for bringing Kara down a few notches and reminding her that she isn't some huge irreplaceable star with talent and wisdom to spare (like she often thinks she is). For your complete owning of Kara DioGuardi, you officially are off my "People Who Can Suck It" list. Congratulations! I sincerely hope this can list because, honestly, as a gay man, I want to like you. You seem fun, silly and ridiculously unconcerned with what people think of you- all my favorite things.