OH NO THE BITCH DID NOT JUST SAY THAT

Last week, I reported (while nearly vomiting) that Hilary Duff was to star in a new version of the Bonnie and Clyde story and meagerly attempt to fill the legendary Faye Dunaway's shoes. True to diva form, Faye was quick to respond: "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?" What's that, Hilary? Do you need some ointment for that BURN? This is why I love Faye Dunaway so much: she's saying whatever the fuck she likes and she doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. And with a career as illustrious as hers, Faye has earned this right.

This should have been the end of the story, but Hilary, trying to out-do the great Faye, retaliated with this:

“I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don’t even know who she is, so you know…. I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too.”

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?

Hilary, I don't care who the fuck you think you are, do NOT open your big trap and openly insult a living legend. If, by the grace of Oprah herself, you somehow are able to craft not one, not two but FOUR legendary characters that people will still be talking about 30- 40 years later- and all in the span of 14 short years- then MAYBE, just maybe, you might have the credibility to insult Faye Dunaway. But, since you've only created Lizzie Maguire, a fucking Disney character that I'll be surprised if people will remember that in 5 years, shut your mouth.

As for that whole being "mad if you looked like that now, too," Faye was always an unconventional beauty and just because she doesn't botox the fuck out of her face or get plastic surgery every two months, doesn't not mean she's ugly. If I looked like that at even half her age, I would be eternally grateful. Just because you're pretty now, Hilary, doesn't mean it will last forever. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

If I Was Whitney Houston, This News Would Definitely Get a "Hell to the No!"

If I had been eating something when I read this news, I swear to God I would have choked on it. In case you don't feel like clicking on the link, let me brief you: someone has decided that the 1967 classic Bonnie and Clyde isn't the "definitive" look at the outlaw couple and wants to do an indie version based closer on their actual lives cleverly titled The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. First of all, Bonnie and Clyde is one film that never needs to be remade. I don't care if you're doing a more "realistic" approach on their lives; your film will ALWAYS pare in comparison to Arthur Penn's version. If you want to do a film about outlaw lovers, either make them up (like Oliver Stone did with Natural Born Killers) or focus on another pair. Bonnie and Clyde will forever be off limits.

Secondly, when you're casting said remake-but-not-really of Bonnie and Clyde, do not think, even for a second, that Hilary Duff will EVER be a good replacement for Faye Dunaway. I know I claimed that one day she would win an Oscar, but, honey, this is neither the time nor the place. Faye Dunaway is amazing in ways that Hilary Duff can never even dream of. Have you ever seen Hilary get slapped around by Jack Nicholson? Has she yelled at someone, "Don't fuck with me, fella!"? I don't think so. And guess who's been cast as Clyde? Kevin Zegers, that skanky, twinky hustler from Transamerica. Gross. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So, in brief, Bonnie and Clyde will never be topped and Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers will never equal Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.