If I Was Whitney Houston, This News Would Definitely Get a "Hell to the No!"

If I had been eating something when I read this news, I swear to God I would have choked on it. In case you don't feel like clicking on the link, let me brief you: someone has decided that the 1967 classic Bonnie and Clyde isn't the "definitive" look at the outlaw couple and wants to do an indie version based closer on their actual lives cleverly titled The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. First of all, Bonnie and Clyde is one film that never needs to be remade. I don't care if you're doing a more "realistic" approach on their lives; your film will ALWAYS pare in comparison to Arthur Penn's version. If you want to do a film about outlaw lovers, either make them up (like Oliver Stone did with Natural Born Killers) or focus on another pair. Bonnie and Clyde will forever be off limits.

Secondly, when you're casting said remake-but-not-really of Bonnie and Clyde, do not think, even for a second, that Hilary Duff will EVER be a good replacement for Faye Dunaway. I know I claimed that one day she would win an Oscar, but, honey, this is neither the time nor the place. Faye Dunaway is amazing in ways that Hilary Duff can never even dream of. Have you ever seen Hilary get slapped around by Jack Nicholson? Has she yelled at someone, "Don't fuck with me, fella!"? I don't think so. And guess who's been cast as Clyde? Kevin Zegers, that skanky, twinky hustler from Transamerica. Gross. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So, in brief, Bonnie and Clyde will never be topped and Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers will never equal Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.