30 Day Film Challenge: Day 20

Day 20: Your Favorite Romantic Film

Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn, 1967)

Not a romance film in the traditional sense, Bonnie and Clyde goes beyond typical romance film merely by depicting a couple that will literally do anything for each other--whether it is robbing a bank or murdering someone while getting away. And it's also one of the sexiest movies ever made, which is saying something since the lovemaking scenes are interrupted by Clyde's impotence.

Why Couldn't They Just Fucking Talk About Marlon Brando?!

I just pissed my pants. And maybe jizzed a little.

Bad Mommies

On Mother's Day 2007, I wrote this post "honoring" the ten worst mothers in film, TV and even a book. This was a couple months after I started Rants of a Diva and I'm not ashamed to admit that it's not one of the shining moments of my blogging career. I remember at the time having a difficult time trying to come up with ten and that shows in some of the weak choices (why the hell didn't I think of the ultimate bad mommy, Julianne Moore, in any of her numerous roles in this vein?). On top of that, the writing is just horrid, horrid, horrid. If anything, I'd like to forget that this post exists.

But some people out there won't let me. For some reason, this post is constantly the most viewed page on my blog and every three months or so, some anonymous twit makes a stupid comment about the fact that I picked the fabulous Joan Crawford over Catherine Roerva, the psychotic real-life mommy in Dave Pelzer's A Child Called It. Now, listen, by now I hope that anyone who reads this blog regularly knows my general likes and preferences. So, given these two options, which of them am I more likely to pick? Dave Pelzer's books were popular in my junior high and I, of course, read them so I remember all the horrific things she put that poor guy through. I realize that there is just no comparison between locking a child in a non-ventilated bathroom with obnoxious amounts of ammonia and forcing your child to eat a raw steak. If I was Oprah, I'd be shouting, "I get it, peopleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" But, anonymous commenters, if you had taken ten seconds to look around my site and notice it's name (Diva is in the f-ing title), my sexuality (I post about Zac Efron nearly every week) and my obvious love of Faye Dunaway (see this post), you would see that there is absolutely no way Roerva could beat the unstoppable force of nature that is Dunaway's Joan Crawford. It's not a definitive list of worst mothers ever in order of offenses; it's just a silly list ranked in an somewhat arbitrary order by my silly preferences. So, in summary, please stop e-mailing and commenting about this dumbass post. It's stupid and barely worth defending at this point when I've done other posts I'm so much more proud of.

My Best Actress Winners

Recently, I realized that I've never really shared something very important with you: who I would pick as my Diva Cup Award winners for Best Actress. I've shared with you my recent winners (and I've already changed from Streep to Dench in 2006) but nothing before 2004 or so. In case you're ever curious who I would pick in 1946 or any other random year, here it is for you in beautiful pictorial form starting with 1927/28.

By the way, a note on the 70's, 80's and 90's: I'm a child of TCM. My cinematic awakening coincided with my discovery of films from the 30's and 40's so I watched (and still watch) TCM obsessively. The only problem with that is they usually don't show many films from the 70's, 80's and into the 90's, so that's why I'm noticeably weak there with some of my choices. I hope to someday fill in huge gaps in these years, but my choices for now will have to do.

Row #1: Eleanor Boardman, Lillian Gish, Greta Garbo, Marie Dressler, Joan Crawford

Row #2: Greta Garbo, Norma Shearer, Katherine Hepburn, Jean Harlow, Irene Dunne

Row #3: Katharine Hepburn, Vivien Leigh, Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, Greer Garson

Row #4: Teresa Wright, Judy Garland, Arletty, Ingrid Bergman, Joan Crawford

Row #5: Olivia de Havilland, Olivia de Havilland, Bette Davis and Gloria Swanson, Vivien Leigh, Judy Holliday

Row #6: Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Susan Hayward, Giulietta Masina, Tatyana Samojlova

Row #7: Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Shirley MacLaine, Audrey Hepburn, Bette Davis

Row #8: Leslie Caron, Joan Crawford, Catherine Deneuve, Elizabeth Taylor, Anne Bancroft

Row #9: Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, Raquel Welch, Jane Fonda, Liza Minnelli

Row #10: Barbra Streisand, Ellen Burstyn, Ronee Blakley, Faye Dunaway, Diane Keaton

Row #11: Jill Clayburgh, Bette Midler, Sissy Spacek, Faye Dunaway, Meryl Streep

Row #12: Julie Walters, Lily Tomlin, Cher, Chloe Webb, Glenn Close

Row #13: Susan Sarandon, Jessica Tandy, Anjelica Huston, Mimi Rogers, Emma Thompson

Row #14: Angela Bassett, Sigourney Weaver, Toni Collette, Brenda Blethyn, Pam Grier

Row #15: Cameron Diaz, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Diane Lane

Row #16: Diane Keaton, Imelda Staunton, Joan Allen, Dame Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard

Row #17: Anne Hathaway

See if you can guess the performance at home and if you're confused, just drop me a comment.

OH NO THE BITCH DID NOT JUST SAY THAT

Last week, I reported (while nearly vomiting) that Hilary Duff was to star in a new version of the Bonnie and Clyde story and meagerly attempt to fill the legendary Faye Dunaway's shoes. True to diva form, Faye was quick to respond: "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?" What's that, Hilary? Do you need some ointment for that BURN? This is why I love Faye Dunaway so much: she's saying whatever the fuck she likes and she doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. And with a career as illustrious as hers, Faye has earned this right.

This should have been the end of the story, but Hilary, trying to out-do the great Faye, retaliated with this:

“I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don’t even know who she is, so you know…. I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too.”

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?

Hilary, I don't care who the fuck you think you are, do NOT open your big trap and openly insult a living legend. If, by the grace of Oprah herself, you somehow are able to craft not one, not two but FOUR legendary characters that people will still be talking about 30- 40 years later- and all in the span of 14 short years- then MAYBE, just maybe, you might have the credibility to insult Faye Dunaway. But, since you've only created Lizzie Maguire, a fucking Disney character that I'll be surprised if people will remember that in 5 years, shut your mouth.

As for that whole being "mad if you looked like that now, too," Faye was always an unconventional beauty and just because she doesn't botox the fuck out of her face or get plastic surgery every two months, doesn't not mean she's ugly. If I looked like that at even half her age, I would be eternally grateful. Just because you're pretty now, Hilary, doesn't mean it will last forever. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

If Looks Could Kill...

Oh shit!

If I Was Whitney Houston, This News Would Definitely Get a "Hell to the No!"

If I had been eating something when I read this news, I swear to God I would have choked on it. In case you don't feel like clicking on the link, let me brief you: someone has decided that the 1967 classic Bonnie and Clyde isn't the "definitive" look at the outlaw couple and wants to do an indie version based closer on their actual lives cleverly titled The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. First of all, Bonnie and Clyde is one film that never needs to be remade. I don't care if you're doing a more "realistic" approach on their lives; your film will ALWAYS pare in comparison to Arthur Penn's version. If you want to do a film about outlaw lovers, either make them up (like Oliver Stone did with Natural Born Killers) or focus on another pair. Bonnie and Clyde will forever be off limits.

Secondly, when you're casting said remake-but-not-really of Bonnie and Clyde, do not think, even for a second, that Hilary Duff will EVER be a good replacement for Faye Dunaway. I know I claimed that one day she would win an Oscar, but, honey, this is neither the time nor the place. Faye Dunaway is amazing in ways that Hilary Duff can never even dream of. Have you ever seen Hilary get slapped around by Jack Nicholson? Has she yelled at someone, "Don't fuck with me, fella!"? I don't think so. And guess who's been cast as Clyde? Kevin Zegers, that skanky, twinky hustler from Transamerica. Gross. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So, in brief, Bonnie and Clyde will never be topped and Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers will never equal Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.

20 Favorite Actresses Meme

When I saw this over at The Film Experience a couple of days ago, I immediately decided that I was going to do it whether or not I was actually tagged by someone. I have been super busy the past couple of days and couldn't take the amount of time necessary to give this the attention it deserves. Well, now I do have the time and it just so happens that I was tagged not only once, but twice! Thanks guys and without further ado, here are my 20 favorite actresses, in no particular order.

Katherine, Greta, Bette, Meryl, Marie
Glenn, Marilyn, Thelma, Joan, Greer
Mary, Babs, Elizabeth, Dame Judi, Vivien
Norma, Judy, Nicole, Olivia, Faye

My apologies to the also-rans: Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Joan Allen, Susan Hayward, Eleanor Parker, Jean Harlow, Diane Keaton

My tastes actually skew more toward the older, but that's mostly because I lived and breathed TCM during high school and fell in love with many of the lovely, beautiful and talented ladies. If anything, I'm actually much weaker when it comes to the 80's, 90's and early 2000's. But, of course, that just means there's always great actresses to discover and possibly change this list in the future.

EDIT: I just realized that I forgot to tag some people so I choose Marcy @ Because I Saw the Film, Kayleigh @ Shiny Happy Blog, Michael @ My Stuff and Cr*p and Vera @ Vera's Big Gay Blog.

12 Movies to Save the World

Wow, I feel somewhat loved this afternoon. I've been tagged not once, but twice, to take part in the latest meme from the Lazy Eye Theatre. So, thank you JD and Glenn for the shoutouts! I'm supposed to pretend that I'm running a movie theater and have to select 12 movies to play as six double features. Here are the rules from the original:

1) Choose 12 Films to be featured. They could be random selections or part of a greater theme. Whatever you want.

2) Explain why you chose the films.

3) Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre so I can have hundreds of links and I can take those links and spread them all out on the bed and then roll around in them.

4) The people selected then have to turn around and select 5 more people.

Here we go, this is going to be fun!

Night 1: Friendship
Rebel Without a Cause (Nicholas Ray, 1955)
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (David Merkin, 1997)

I want to start off with my mini film-festival on a positive note, so I'll start with a positive theme: friendship. I chose Rebel Without a Cause to kick off the festivities because it's still an incredibly modern and relevant film in the 2000's (that is, if you look past all the bad 50's dialogue) and the relationship between James Dean, Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo is simply beautiful. On the other hand, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, an unfairly maligned chick flick that only gets better and funnier with age, hysterically shows the strange but all-too-true dynamics of friendships: somedays you're making fun of Pretty Woman together while eating Doritos, other times you bickering about who's the Mary and who's the Rhoda and still others you simply can't stand looking at each other. But, at the end of the day, you know that you'll be there to help them out when you need them the most (and then do a totally impromptu ballet to Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time").

Night 2: Needs a Second Look
Family Diary (Valerio Zurlini, 1962)
Mississippi Mermaid (Francois Truffaut, 1969)

For the second night, I wanted to pick two films that I've seen only once before and really want to see again but haven't had the opportunity. While watching Valerio Zurlini's Family Diary on TCM a few months ago, I generally thought it was a good melodrama with a couple of nice performances from Marcello Mastroianni and Jacques Perrin and nothing more. For the next couple of days, however, I couldn't get the damn movie and its gorgeous images out of my head. Quite simply, Family Diary is one of the greatest films ever made about the relationship between brothers. I wish I could see this one again, but, unfortunately, I deleted this off my DVR before I realized how good it was and it's not available anywhere on DVD or even VHS. Such a shame; I really need a second look. Mississippi Mermaid not only features the most beautiful romantic leads ever with Jean-Paul Belmondo and Catherine Deneuve (second only to Newman and Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) but it is also one of Francois Truffaut's many salutes to Hitchcock. I wasn't crazy with the results when I saw it the first time, but I started thinking that maybe, like most of Hitchcock's greatest works (except for Vertigo...I've seen it at least twice now and I still don't think it's that great), it needs a couple of viewings to be evaluated properly.

Night 3: Insanity
Network (Sidney Lumet, 1976)
The Snake Pit (Anatole Litvak, 1948)

With this pairing on night three, a somewhat deep and philosophical question can be asked after watching Sidney Lumet's masterpiece Network and the underrated Olivia de Havilland vehicle The Snake Pit back-to-back: Who's actually crazier-- de Havilland and the other "loonies" in the ward or Howard Beale, Diana Christensen and the followers of Beale's madman rants?

Night 4: Mothers from Hell
Mommie Dearest (Frank Perry, 1981)
Ordinary People (Robert Redford, 1980)

Night four will consist of the mothers that we love to hate in two very different movies made just a year apart. Mommie Dearest is pure camp from start to finish, while Ordinary People is a slick, grown up tragedy that a lot of people complain about winning the Best Picture Oscar over Raging Bull. That's pretty sad that this is Ordinary People's main claim to fame because it's a much better film than it's given credit for (and Redford's achievement is nearly as great as Scorsese's behind the director's chair).

Night 5: True Love
Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn, 1967)
Sid & Nancy (Alex Cox, 1986)

Having never been in love myself, I have a warped sense of what "romantic" is. For my fifth night, I'm offering two movies that I think are quite possibly the most romantic ever made. Both Bonnie and Clyde and Sid & Nancy concern outcasts who meet, have undeniable spark and will do anything for each no matter how illegal or immoral. So what if Sid (allegedly) kills Nancy and then overdoses on heroin or Bonnie and Clyde end up gunned down in a blaze of bullets?

Night 6: Politics as Comedy
Duck Soup (Leo McCarey, 1933)
Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (Stanley Kubrick, 1964)

Duck Soup was a flop when it was released in 1933, but today it couldn't be any more relevant concerning the war in Iraq and Bush's presidency. The Marx Brothers let their usual brand of anarchy spill all over the place with a glorious mix of pantomime, one-liners, musical numbers and slapstick. Dr. Strangelove is a comedy about nuclear warfare; how much crazier does that get? Add to that the loony General Turgidson (how did George C. Scott get passed up for an Oscar that year?) who's sole purpose for being is, no matter the human cost, to kill as many Reds as possible. Underneath all of the laughter, it's generally an uncomfortable film because you have to believe that at some point Bush has had a meeting exactly like the one that takes place in The War Room.

And now for the tagging... mB, Michael Parsons and anyone else who hasn't been tagged and would like to do this. Just link back to here so I can enjoy your post (and the rest of your blog if I've never read you before!).

It's Faye Dunaway's Birthday So Don't Fuck With Her, Fellas!

Today Faye Dunaway, one of the queens of late 60's and 70's cinema, turns 67. In case you don't know who she is, first of all you should be shot and secondly she has earned three Oscar nominations for her work in Bonnie and Clyde, Chinatown and Network (for which she won the Oscar) and also starred in the original Thomas Crown Affair with Steve McQueen. If you read my blog regularly, however, you know that I love her best as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. She refuses to even discuss the film because she believes that it's negative reception caused her career to tank, but, looking back on it 25+ years later, it stands up as one of the most dynamic performances of all time. Dunaway transforms so fully into the Crawford that it's hard sometimes to even separate the two in my mind and it makes Oscar winning biopic performances like Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote or Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line look like nothing. I wish Faye a very happy day and I hope that one day she finds that right role to make her big comeback with.