In Which I'm Now Forced to Hate Emma Stone

I truly love Emma Stone, I really do. She won last year's Diva Cup Award for Best Actress, for goodness sake! But I love Andy more, arguably to the point of obsession, so that's why I must hate Emma now. Back off from my man, bitch!

But, goddamnit, these two are so cute together! Gah! So many conflicting feelings!

2010 Diva Cup Awards: Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale

The Fighter

For an actor considered to be one of the best working today, I must admit that Bale often leaves me cold. Apart from Empire of the Sun, American Psycho and The Prestige, Bale's predilection towards grungy roles in often times grungier movies and his Method-tics that have lead to much-publicized weight gains and losses for the sake of his art do very little for me. I often feel like Bale is an actor who prefers to work on the surface so much he forgets to work on the internal character. The Fighter, on first glance, certainly appears to be another Bale performance in the vein: all loud showiness, no grasp of subtlety. And when Melissa Leo appears, it's like a competition to see who can be the loudest at any given moment. Over the course of the film, however, you realize that without Bale, there can be no Adams or Wahlberg. They need each other, much like good and evil, in order to survive; Bale is the showman, the one who must build up Wahlberg while Wahlberg is the one who must back up Bale's taunts and big words. Bale is the yin to Wahlberg's yang and becomes an essential part of The Fighter's enormous success.

Michael Fassbender

Fish Tank

Fish Tank, in part, is a film about deceptive appearances with no character being more deceptive than Fassy's Connor. On the first go-around with the film, Mia (and the audience) can't help but to be attracted to this figure of both emotional and sexual fulfillment. He takes an interest in the hard, impenetrable Mia when no one else in her life can be bothered. Connor makes her feel like an important person for probably the first time in her life. The second time watching Fish Tank, however, makes it abundantly clear that Connor is not Mia's savior in any way. At first, we want to excuse his behavior (He's in love! He couldn't help it! He was drunk!) because of the (positive?) impact he has made on Mia's life up to that point. Eventually we see that Connor has been setting Mia up for this since the beginning of the film. All the classic signs of sexual abuse are there: his potential victim is an isolated young woman, he makes her feel important and loved, he slowly seduces her before making the big move. Part of the brilliance of Fassbender's performance depends on the fact that, like in real life, we often cannot tell who the villains are until much later. Fassbender doesn't hit us over the head with the fact that he's The Villian; his evilness comes across organically, constantly shifting to Mia's erratic moods. Fassbender's performance is a reminder that evil-doers sometimes come in pretty, charming, sexually attractive packages.

Andrew Garfield

The Social Network

Is Andy the greatest actor of his generation? If not, he's certainly the most versatile, hopping around between styles and genres with an ease that contemporaries like Efron and Pattinson can only dream about. Despite his ability to bounce around, it appears like Andy already has a "type": the socially awkward young male who barely manages to function in everyday society. The reason he has been so successful, however, is the fact that he has been able to bring a little something different to each of his characters in Boy A, Never Let Me Go and The Social Network. The last of these, which was this close to netting him his first Oscar nomination, is interesting in the fact that it allows Andy to play with the comedic part of his awkwardness. My first thought whenever I think of his performance is the scene at the beach party where he's wearing that ridiculous straw hat and, upon seeing Mark enter, he does this funny little dance as his way of greeting him. The most fascinating part of his performance, however, is watching Andy's Eduardo slowly come to the conclusion that he will probably never "know" Mark in the way he would like. No matter how hard he tries, Mark will always have some walls that won't come down. This realization on Eduardo's part manifests itself in many forms: paranoia, anger, hurt and confusion, among others. It's to Andy's credit that these conflicting emotions never once feel at odds with each other; if anything, these compliment and flow into each other perfectly. When Eduardo's big moment happens, confronting Mark about being forced out of the company, all his emotions come out at once and he doesn't even care if he makes sense. It's the perfect exclamation point on a career-changing performance for Mr. Garfield. Oh Andy, indeed.

James Marsden

Death at a Funeral

The actor who has had the biggest career reinvention of the past five years is not someone who normally comes to mind. Between the 1-2-3 punch of Hairspray, Enchanted and 27 Dresses in a six month span and this year's Death at a Funeral, James Marsden continues to surprise those of us who thought of him as nothing more than a generic pretty boy. But, at an age when most former boytoy actors find their careers floundering, Marsden has finally found his niche as a character actor with a flair for over-the-top comedy. In Death at a Funeral, a slightly generic if not totally unwatchable remake of a British film of the same name, Marsden plays the boyfriend of Zoe Saldana, nervous about spending the day with her strict, dominant father. He takes a pill to help him relax, it turns out to be acid, and Marsden spends the rest of the film in a hilarious drug-induced haze, having conversations with flowers and seeing dead people move inside a coffin. The centerpiece of his performance involves him getting naked on a rooftop and it's every bit as glorious as you'd think it is. Some of the jokes are duds but Marsden sells them like the pro he is and winds up stealing the entire film from an impressive cast.

Mark Ruffalo

The Kids Are All Right

For a film as tepid and straining-to-be-relevant as The Kids Are All Right ultimately is, it's impressive that the ever reliable Ruffalo manages to give one of his best performances under such unfavorable conditions. He plays Paul, a 40-something man-child who has certain parts of his life finally figured out but other areas that could definitely stand improvement. Paul is at an impasse when he's contacted by two teenagers who were conceived via his sperm donation from back in the day. He meets them and things suddenly start to fall in place for Paul. Maybe this is what he meant for? But even with this newfound "maturity," Ruffalo is keen on letting us know that Paul has a long way to go. For every good thing he does with the kids, there's a "I like lesbians!" punchline or an even bigger plot twist that reveals Paul hasn't grasped this adult thing yet. He's still a child who wants what he wants when he wants it. Ruffalo, like the Godsend he is, conveys all this while remaining ever likeable and sexy eye candy to boot.

 And the Diva Cup Goes to: Michael Fassbender, Fish Tank

Spider-Men

2010 Diva Cup Awards: The "Extra" Categories

Best Ensemble

Dogtooth

[Christos Stergioglou, Michele Valley, Aggeliki Papoulia, Mary Tsoni, Hristos Passalis, Anna Kalaitzidou]

The Fighter

[Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams, Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, Jack McGee]

For Colored Girls

[Kimberly Elise, Thandie Newton, Loretta Devine, Phylicia Rashad, Whoopi Goldberg, Anika Noni Rose, Kerry Washington, Janet Jackson, Tessa Thompson, Macy Gray]

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

[Micheal Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Alisson Pill, Ellen Wong, Kieran Culkin, Anna Kendrick, Mark Webber, Johnny Simmons, Chris Evans, Brie Larson, Brandon Routh] 

The Social Network

[Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Armie Hammer, Justin Timberlake, Max Minghella, Rooney Mara, Joseph Mazzello, Brenda Song]

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Social Network

Best Scene

Blue Valentine

The "Sex" Scene

I wrote about this scene more in depth right after seeing the film. Dean wants to have sex with his wife but only wants it if she's a willing participant. A scarily intense moment.

Easy A

Sharpening Your Pencils?

There are far more clever moments in Easy A, but this is the scene I watch repeatedly on YouTube and laugh my ass off at every time.

For Colored Girls

Opera/Rape

Tyler Perry gets a lot of flack for not being a "real" artist, a minstrel show creator who caters to the lowest common denominator. I disagree strongly and would point anyone to this masterful scene in For Colored Girls. Perry crosscuts between a woman have a dramatic moment of catharsis while watching an opera while another is raped by an acquaintance. In a movie full of heavy moments, this is both the heaviest and the one that has the biggest impact on the film.

The Social Network

Eduardo's Bad Night

Andy Garfield is at his best when he's juggling 14 emotions at once, so watch him deal with a lack of sleep, a stalker girlfriend, an angry Mark on the phone berating him for freezing their bank accounts and a small fire all in a matter of two minutes.

Toy Story 3

Pit of Hell

I may or may not have laughed completely inappropriately during this moment in the theatre. Looking back, I realize that this happened not because it was a cheesy or over-the-top moment. Rather, seeing the toys face their own mortality in such an honest and straightforward way was such a dark, twisted and unexpected moment that I started laughing in shock.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Blue Valentine

Best Musical Scene

Blue Valentine

"You Always Hurt the Ones You Love"

Cute and fun in the moment, a dark foreshadowing once the movie has ended. 

Burlesque

"Welcome to Burlesque"

It's Cher, motherfuckers. 

Easy A

"Knock on Wood"

I think a better question is how I can't not nominate a musical sequence that involves Emma Stone in a red feather boa and Penn Badgley covered in blue body paint?

Easy A

"Pocketful of Sunshine"

Everyone has had a moment in their life when they couldn't get a song they hated out of their head and ended up loving the song. This was a hilarious slice-of-life moment.

The Runaways

"Cherry Bomb"

If you didn't take Kristen and Dakota seriously as legitimate rockers before this scene, you certainly did afterwards. Captures the fun of the girls while proving they could rock as hard as the boys.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Runaways

Best Quote/Line Reading

Black Swan

"I'm the Swan Queen!"

I'm 95% sure Portman and Aronofsky didn't mean for this line to turn out as campy as it sounds hurling out of Portman's mouth, but I can't help but giggle every time I think about this scene. And you don't know how many times I've resisted shouting this out loud for no reason.

Blue Valentine

“So there’s a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods. The child molester and the boy keep walking further and further and it is getting darker and darker and they are going deeper and deeper into the woods. And the little boy looks up at the child molester and says, ‘Gee, mister, I’m getting scared!’  The child molester looks down at him and says, ‘You think you’re scared, kid? I gotta walk out of here alone!’”

To say this was unexpected would be an understatement. Both Dean and the audience are left to re-evaluate Cindy after she drops this joke; who knew she had it in her? And I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh inappropriately at it.

Easy A

"He got a Coke Zero again? Oh that Roman. Incorrigible!"

It's an inconsequential one-liner, but besides the sharpening the pencils scene and her facial expression when her lobster comes at the restaurant, it's my favorite Emma Stone moment in the film. With her tinge of sarcasm, I feel like we would be great friends. 

Inception

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

The sexual tension between Eames and Arthur was one of the few sparks that made Inception's 2-D characters come alive. It's rather fitting that this quote is said during a "Who's got the bigger gun/cock?" contest between the two.

The Social Network

"You better lawyer up, asshole, because I'm not coming back for 30%. I'm coming back for everything." 

The Social Network is full of snappier one-liners, but I absolutely love the way Andy reads this line. He's so fucking fed up and revenge is the only way to satiate that anger.

And the Diva Cup goes to: Easy A

Breakthrough Performance

Cam Gigandet

Burlesque

Gigandet has been on my radar for a couple years now, but, sadly, it has never been for his acting. The boy has a body to die for, yet his personality has never been as fascinating on-screen. However, in Burlesque, of all films, Gigandet finally proved that he could turn up the star mojo while saving the film from complete unwatchability. The Famous Amos scene, rightly so, became the most notorious scene in the movie and will hopefully turn this pretty boy's career around.

Armie Hammer

The Social Network

I didn't think Armie was anything more than serviceable the first two go-arounds with The Social Network. Suddenly, however, on my third viewing everything fell into place. This massively built, gorgeous young man with a hulking presence also had impeccable comedic timing (some guys really do have all the luck). The fact that he decided to follow up The Social Network's success with an Eastwood-directed biopic where he plays a gay-leaning man instead of a dumb action film, which he's well-suited for given his frame, is proof that Armie's in it for the long haul.

Josh Hutcherson

The Kids Are All Right

Although I'm unfamiliar with his work, Josh has been around for years as a go-to child actor in films such as Bridge to Teribitha and Zathura. The Kids Are All Right proved that he has the talent and drive to move into more adult roles. And it was this drive that landed him the role he so desperately wanted in the upcoming blockbuster Hunger Games. I can't wait to see what he chooses after that.

Jennifer Lawrence

Winter's Bone

Jennifer was a revelation as the tough, woman on a mission in Winter's Bone. What surprised me even more, though, was the fact that the same woman who played Ree was also this bombshell who showed off her ample bosom at the Oscars. If there was a role that would somehow combine these two aspects of herself, I have a feeling Jennifer would be unstoppable.

Tahar Rahim

Un Prophète

After such a brave and unassuming (meant in the best way possible) debut, I'll be interested to see if Rahim will stay in Europe or move on the Hollywood. Either way, I think he'll continue to pick interesting projects that will his unusual gifts to their full effect.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Armie Hammer, The Social Network

Best Diva

Cher

Burlesque

Diva Moment: Cher, in all her Cher-ness, introducing herself and the theatre in the 'Welcome to Burlesque' number.

Marion Cotillard

Inception

Diva Moment: Continuously invading Cobb's sub-conscious, distracting him from accomplishing the task on hand.

Thandie Newton

For Colored Girls

Diva Moment: Throwing down with legends Phyllicia Rashad and Whoopi Goldberg.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

Diva Moment: The whole film really is a testament to what a diva Joan is. This woman has had so much shit thrown at her but each time she's rebounded stronger (and bitchier) than ever before.

Winona Ryder

Black Swan

Diva Moment: "Did you suck his cock?"

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

Best Sexpot

Michael Fassbender

Fish Tank

Fuck Me Moment: I have to pick just one?! That's impossible. But I can narrow it down to two key moments: his shirtless introduction to both Mia and the audience and the scene where he spanks Mia.

Andrew Garfield

Red Riding: 1974

Fuck Me Moment: Andy had me at the Sexhair, but the moment where he walks around in the smallest briefs possible after boning some chick didn't hurt.

Cam Gigandet

Burlesque

Fuck Me Moment: Lord knows I love Famous Amos cookies, but even I was saying, "Drop the box!" during that scene.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Love & Other Drugs

Anne Hathaway

Love & Other Drugs

Fuck Me Moment: The part where they lie around naked. Oh, right, that's the whole damn movie! Lucky us!

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Michael Fassbender, Fish Tank

Best Cameo/Limited Performance

Bianca Hunter, Jenna Lamia, Erica McDermott, Melissa McMeekin, Kate B. O'Brien, Jill Quigg and Dendrie Taylor

The Fighter

Without these ladies classing the film up, The Fighter would not have felt as authentic and true-to-life as it did and its success counted on. The casting director deserves major kudos for finding this classic "Army of Skanks".

Brie Larson

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

It was nice to see Larson move from the super-stylized world of Diablo Cody into the the different super-stylized world of Scott Pilgrim without missing a beat.

Juliette Lewis

Conviction

A full-blown performance in only two short scenes. Lewis adds on baity mannerism after baity mannerism, but she also manages to convey the hurt, anger, pride and smarts of this woman--all while in a drug-induced haze. Brilliant, brilliant work.

Winona Ryder

Black Swan

Another two-scene wonder with Ryder portraying the downfall of a vulgar, has-been, alcoholic ballerina with legitimate star power. Is her comeback imminent? 

Douglas Urbanski

The Social Network

A hilariously unexpected treat. I never would have guessed this minor moment would bring so many laughs.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Juliette Lewis, Conviction

Best Poster

Black Swan

I Am Love

Love & Other Drugs

Rabbit Hole

The Social Network

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Love & Other Drugs

Just How Wide Can You Open Your Mouth, Andy?

That wide, eh?

A Little Birthday Presentation for My Dear Samantha

One of my best friends in the world turns 23 today and I thought I'd celebrate in the only way I know how: hot boys. I went through and picked out movies we went to either for a hot actor or where we discovered a hot actor. I'm sure I'm forgetting something but it's hard to keep my thoughts in order when I'm looking at pictures of Andy, Jakey and Zac. Happy Birthday, Sammi!

The Dame Wears Black for Andy

In case you don't follow the multitude of film people I do on Twitter or have an actual life that doesn't revolve around something so arbitrary as film awards, today was Oscar nomination day. I used to be really into predicting and following the Oscar race, but as the years have gone on, I have become more and more disillusioned with the whole spectacle. Sure, I still live for the actual show itself and I do follow the race with a passing interest, but it doesn't hold the same magic for me it once did. I have realized over the years that I'm much more fascinated by the non-consensus personal ballots I see from online bloggers I admire. I don't care if we disagree, I just love seeing people pick movies and performances they truly love rather than pick stuff that falls into the category of good taste. Oscar, for the most part, doesn't do that and that is why I've become disengaged.

This year, however, I did have one Oscar wish: that my beloved Andy Garfield would get a nomination for his work in The Social Network. Unlike my no-chance-in-hell campaign/wish for La Tisdale to get a nomination for High School Musical 3, Andy was a legitimate contender. He had the Golden Globe nom, the BAFTA nom and a considerable amount of support behind him leading into today. The recent SAG omission stung but you never know with that group and the way they pick their nominees. So, I went in this morning confident, believing in the power of The Secret, that Andy would get his well-deserved nomination and I'd do this happy dance:


I was at work this morning when the nominations were announced, so I was horrified to discover these two tweets on my phone during my morning break:

Cut to my (and probably Andy's) reaction:


HOW CAN YOU MAKE ANDY CRY, YOU HORRIBLE BASTARDS?! What did he ever do to you to hurt him like this? You all saw The Social Network. You all know how amazing he was. So why did you ignore him in favor of Geoffrey Rush being old and Australian? Ugh, so many questions, so little answers.

In honor of my new mood, I quickly posted this on my Twitter:

It is, officially, a day of mourning. Instead of ending nearly every tweet with "Oh Andy" (sexual connotation implied), we must now end them with "Poor Andy" to honor the memory of this now dead dream. The mourning period will last for an indefinite amount of time but, do not worry, fellow Andy lovers. He will rise from the ashes once again and eventually he'll go from this...

to this...


(I don't even know what that is, but I love it! Adorable Andy strikes again)