My Blog is Ready to Start Kindergarten, or: Rants of a Diva Turns Five Years Old

On this very day in 2007, I was sitting in my dorm room, indulging in my latest obsession: reading film blogs. As a freshman in college, I had quickly learned how to be as unproductive as possible, and keeping up with these blogs was the perfect way to kill time when I should have been writing a paper. On this fateful night, however, a thought suddenly occurred to me: "Hey, I can write just as well as these people. And I have a ton of ideas. Why don't I start a blog of my own?" It was then that Rants of a Diva was born.

And now it's five years later. Wow, where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was defending Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls. So, to celebrate this momentous occasion, I have decided to do something a little different. I listed my five favorite things in a host of different, entirely random categories. It's a bit silly, sure, but what do you expect from this oddball section of the interweb? 

EDIT: So it turns out I'm a complete retard and my blogiversary was on the 29th of January. Let's just pretend it's today, okay?

Five Actresses I Can Watch in Anything

01. Bette Davis

02. Anne Hathaway

03. Marilyn Monroe

04. Norma Shearer

05. Judy Garland

Five Favorite Working Directors

01. Arnaud Desplechin

02. Spike Lee

03. Andrea Arnold

04. Judd Apatow

05. Michael Moore

One Direction Members, From Fave to Least Fave

01. Zayn

02. Liam

03. Harry

04. Niall

05. Louis

Five Favorite Classic Boyband Songs

01. O-Town "All or Nothing"

02. *NSYNC "Tearin' Up My Heart"

03. Backstreet Boys "As Long As You Love Me"

04. Take That "Back For Good"

05. 98 Degrees "The Hardest Thing"

Five Favorite ABBA Album Tracks

01. "Disillusion"

02. "As Good As New"

03. "Tiger"

04. "Bang-A-Boomerang"

05. "Me and I"

Five Favorite Moments in Spice World

01. "This dress is dry clean only, Melanie!"

02. The Alien Encounter

03. "AND I'M VICTORIA, MALCOLM!"

04. Mel C. rolling her eyes every time Geri shares some useless knowledge with the group

05. The Bomb on the Bus

Five Favorite Best Supporting Actor Nominees (Non-Winners)

01. Claude Rains, Casablanca

02. Richard Widmark, Kiss of Death

03. Sal Mineo, Rebel Without a Cause

04. Al Pacino, The Godfather

05. Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Five Things I Admire About Lady Gaga

01. The way she makes every music video an Event.

02. How quickly she has matured her sound (even if I don't necessarily like where it has gone).

03. The way she has made the label "pop artist" a compliment rather than a criticism.

04. Her work ethic. Girlfriend never stops doing it all.

05. Her ability to manipulate convince her fans that she has invented many of the elements of her persona that she has borrowed from/expanded upon other pop icons.

Five Reality Shows That Have Had a Profound Impact on My Life

01. Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica

02. Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

03. American Idol

04. Hey Paula!

05. Jersey Shore

Five Favorite Lesbians

01. Ellen DeGeneres

02. Wanda Sykes

03. Tabatha Coffey

04. Jane Lynch

05. Suze Orman

Five Things I Want to Accomplish in 2012

01. Find a job that doesn't make me want to stab people

02. Finish my screenplay (The Single One, coming soon to a theatre near you)

03. Try yoga

04. Interview a celebrity

05. Meet One Direction

In Which I Celebrate Zac Efron's 24th Birthday

Zac's 23rd birthday came and went last year with nary a mention on this blog, so I felt I had to make it up to him on his 24th this year. Nothing will ever top my tribute to him on his 22nd birthday, but I wasn't going to just throw in the towel. Here are a few of my favorite Zefron GIFs, celebrating his beautiful face, his dorkiness, his gyrating hips and, most importantly, his oh-so-kissable lips. Happy birthday, Mr. Efron, you SEXY BEAST!

A Little Birthday Presentation for My Dear Samantha

One of my best friends in the world turns 23 today and I thought I'd celebrate in the only way I know how: hot boys. I went through and picked out movies we went to either for a hot actor or where we discovered a hot actor. I'm sure I'm forgetting something but it's hard to keep my thoughts in order when I'm looking at pictures of Andy, Jakey and Zac. Happy Birthday, Sammi!

A Birthday Tribute to My Dear Friend Kelli

One of my best friends on the planet is turning 23 today. So, as a way of celebrating this joyous occasion, I thought I'd make a post full of things that remind me of her. Happy birthday, Kelli!

Happy Birthday, JD!

Jailbait No More

As of this very moment, America's favorite piece of jailbait, Nick Jonas, is of legal age in the United States. Let's take a moment to rejoice this fact.


Nick is certainly happy. And I am, too. I've made no secret of my attraction to the youngest Jonas but I've always felt the eensiest bit guilty over it. Even though Nick was technically "legal" in some states, it still felt wrong to (for lack of a better word) sexualize him. He's not Taylor Lautner, where his whole persona is based on taking off his shirt at the drop of a hat and baring his chest; he's just a dude who is known for playing his guitar and never smiling on his TV show. So I resisted for many, many months being a complete horndog over every little revealing picture of Nick I've seen online (in public, anyways). But now the time has come to lift the embargo. He's 18 now and I'm now free to lust without the slightest bit of recourse (except from those odd ducks who don't find him hot). Here are some pictures of Nick being especially sexy; it feels like the only appropriate way to celebrate this monumental day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK, YOU SEXY PIECE OF ASS!

22 Reasons to Wish Zac Efron a Happy 22nd Birthday

1.

'Without Love' from Hairspray.
I almost peed my pants.
I fell in love.

2.
He has my shoes.

3.
He knows the importance of personal hygiene, unlike another certain teenage heartthrob out there.

4.

Guest Starring on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
He makes out with La Tisdale.
An unhealthy obsession with a fake celebrity couple begins.

5.
He opened HSM3 sweaty and practically having an orgasm.

6.
He's smart enough to tease us but not give away the goods.

7.

'Bet On It' from HSM2
He had the courage to do this musical number with a straight face.
He sings to his reflection in the water.

8.
There must be a lost version of Hairspray where Corny and Link got it on, right?

9.
Sterling Knight is his son.

10.

'Scream' from HSM3
Teen angst never looked so hot.

11.
He looks like La Roux.

12.

Interview with La Tisdale
He's a sarcastic asshole.
You don't know how attractive that is to me.


13.
He looks good at the beach.

14.
He's total cougar bait and Leslie Mann's best looking on-screen husband

15.


'Ladies' Choice' from Hairspray
He basically sells himself to the highest bidder.
And the gyration. Oh, the gyration!

16.
A roll in the dirt never sounded so good.

17.

HSM4 Skit on SNL
He can take a joke and realizes the HSM trilogy for what they were.

18.
He'd go to jail to tap that.

19.
He gets mentioned on Sonny With a Chance
"Because it's my wall. And I like saying I banned Zac Efron. There will come a day when Zac Efron comes knocking on that door and he's like, 'Hey, can I come in?' And I'll be like 'Oh no. You're banned.'"

20.
And 30 Rock
"He looks like Zac Efron. That's a thing, right?"

21.

'You Are the Music in Me' from HSM2
He's La Tisdale's ideal "duet" partner.

22.
Because he's a sexy bitch and my future husband.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAC!