2011 Diva Cup Awards: The Extra Categories

Best Ensemble

Beginners

[Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Mélanie Laurent, Mary Page Keller, Goran Visnjic]

 

☆Bridesmaids

[Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Chris O'Dowd, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, Jill Clayburgh, Jon Hamm]

 

Win Win

[Paul Giamatti, Amy Ryan, Alex Shaffer, Bobby Cannavale, Jeffrey Tambor, Burt Young, Melanie Lynskey]

 

X-Men: First Class

[Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Bacon, Rose Byrne, Nicholas Hoult, Zoe Kravitz, January Jones, Caleb Landry Jones, Edi Gathegi]

 

Young Adult

[Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, Patrick Wilson, Elizabeth Reaser, Collette Wolfe, Jill Eikenberry, Richard Bekins]

As good as these nominees are, none of them hold a candle to the ladies of Bridesmaids.

Best Scene

Abduction: Dr. Bennett's Plan

The Artist: Peppy's Dance

Bridesmaids: The Engagement Party Toast(s)

Bridesmaids: Wedding Shower Meltdown

Drive: Motel Massacre

☆Young Adult: Mavis' New Life

Whether they provoked laughter, unintentional (Abduction) or not (Bridesmaids), perfectly encapsulated the tiny joys of cinema (The Artist), raised the stakes of their film (Drive) or dared to defy genre conventions (Young Adult), these six nominees practically summed up 2011 for me. How could I narrow them down any further? While both Bridesmaids scenes managed the near impossible task of developing character and the dramatic undertones of the entire film amidst hilarious-beyond-belief comedic set pieces, Young Adult's controversial ending dared us to root on an awful character who didn't change for the better and is probably in the same place she was at the beginning of the film. In a film that opened with a wide release, that takes some massive balls, my friend.

Best Quote/Line Reading

Abduction: "There'll be time for you to emotionally deal with all this, but right now you've got to get your shit together."

☆Bridesmaids: "Help me, I'm poor."

Bridesmaids: "I swear to God that dolphin looked, not at me, but into my soul. Into my Goddamn soul, Annie."

Midnight in Paris: "I hear the songs he writes, and I realize I'll never write a real lyric and my talent really lies in drinking."

Scream 4: "Don't fuck with the original."

Was there a more relatable line in 2011 than Annie's drunken, pity-seeking admission?

Breakthrough Performance

Bérénice Bejo, The Artist

☆Jessica Chastain, The Help

Charlie Day, Horrible Bosses

Jasper Newell, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Marcy May Marlene

An admittedly difficult choice between Bejo and Chastain, both of whom brought vast amounts of charm, energy and pizazz to their films with the effortless ease of the best old school movie stars. Chastain wins out mainly because she saves her film from near unwatchability, but I can't wait for what both of these ladies come up with for their next offerings.

Best Diva

 

 Rose Byrne, Bridesmaids

Cameron Diaz, Bad Teacher

Miss Piggy, The Muppets

Allison Pill, Midnight in Paris

☆Charlize Theron, Young Adult

As if anyone could compete with Charlize's eye-rolling, Diet-Coke-swilling, man-stealing Mavis Gary in this category. The bitch was the diva from head to toe.

Best Sexpot

Henry Cavill, Immortals

Dominic Cooper, The Devil's Double

☆Michael Fassbender, Jane Eyre, Shame &  X-Men: First Class

Eva Green, Cracks

Christina Hendricks, Drive

Cavill and Cooper did their best to compete but come on. For the second year in a row, in three films as completely different from each other as possible, Fassy came out swinging (his massive penis). The Argentina outfit from X-Men: First Class and his bedclothes during the fire scene in Jane Eyre weren't overtly sexual, yet nearly had me succumbing to the vapors.

Best Cameo/Limited Performance

Jill Clayburgh, Bridesmaids

Tom Hiddelston & Allison Pill, Midnight in Paris

 ☆Jennifer Lawrence, Like Crazy

Corey Stoll, Midnight in Paris

Like Crazy was absolute bollocks, but Jennifer Lawrence made the whole thing bearable whenever she graced the screen (and Anton Yelchin's life) with her presence. The fact that she got dumped for Felicity bloody Jones still makes me LOL, months after watching the film.

Best Poster

Cold Weather

☆Drive

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Shame

The Skin I Live In

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo would probably win this if its promotional campaign to make the lame Swedish version edgy and controversial had been transferred into the actual film. That said, the poster for Drive, with its retro look and flashy neon colors, was easily the most memorable of the year.

10 Most Anticipated Performances This Fall

The fall season is upon this and with the changing leaves comes the Oscar season. So long, superheroes, hello, adults with problems! Needless to say, it's usually my favorite time of the year (although this spring and early summer will probably give the next few months a run for their money). To celebrate this season's commencement, I thought I would change things up a bit and share the performances I'm looking forward to the mos. Here they are in no particular order: 

Keira Knightley, A Dangerous Method

Since A Dangerous Method's premiere at Venice, the words "loud" and "in-your-face" have been used almost exclusively to describe Knightley's performance. Reaction has been mixed as to whether or not it works, but I absolutely love gutsy, go-for-broke performances. And Knightley has only grown in my esteem since Atonement.

Michael Fassbender, Shame

I could say that I'm mostly excited for this performance because Fassy is reteaming with his Hunger director Steve McQueen, but we all know I'd be lying. As soon as I heard the words "full frontal," my ticket was already bought. But Fassy is a great actor and he has been receiving rave reviews for this performance, so I'd be interested in this performance even if we didn't get a glimpse of the goods.

Sandra Bullock, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I don't care what anyone says, I'm still proudly a member of Team Sandy and her Oscar win back in 2009. This is why I'm curious to see if her first post-Oscar film will continue my fascination with this woman. Provided Stephen Daldry's adaptation of this acclaimed novel hits the right notes, I don't think Sandy will have a problem nailing this.

Armie Hammer, J. Edgar

The recent trailer left me cold, but if it did nothing else, it certainly raised my already considerable interest in Armie's performance in this film. The way I'm reading the trailer, he's playing the supportive wife role, which makes me smile because the thought of 6 foot 5 Aryan God Armie Hammer playing the docile supporting wife is hilarious in its own right. Plus he gets a shouting scene! Can you say "Oscar clip"? If we couldn't get Andy Garfield a nom last year, this should be an easier sell, right?

Kirsten Dunst, Melancholia

Lars von Trier has a way with actresses that is almost unparalleled (hello, Nicole Kidman in Dogville!). The fact that he decided to work with as unlikely of an actress as Dunst, whom will always be in my good graces for Bring It On alone, makes me think that he saw something truly special in her that will translate well in his apocalyptic film.

Charlize Theron, Young Adult

Theron has never been a favorite actress of mine (my three favorite performances of her are Monster, the "Crossfire" music video and that Dior ad where she undresses as she walks through a long corridor), but I know a lot of people who love and trust her even when her filmography might not warrant such devotion. The real story here is screenwriter Diablo Cody, who made even the insufferable Megan Fox temporarily interesting in Jennifer's Body. If she can work that same magic with the much more tolerable Charlize Theron in this film about a divorced loser returning home to rekindle an old romance, the results will be golden.

Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Marcy May Marlene

The fact that a member of the Olsen clan who is not one of the Olsen Twins is getting Oscar buzz is enough for me. What a delicious little story: sister of billionaire media moguls wows in low budget indie film.

Zac Efron, New Year's Eve

A bit of a silly choice, I know. But it has simply been far too long with out Efron on our movie screens (about 16 months by the time this comes out). On the plus side, New Year's Eve is a comedy, which is truly Efron's forte and Garry Marshall was able to get at least one interesting performance out of his last film in this vein, Valentine's Day.

Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

I have to say I'm mostly curious about watching the introverted, cerebral Williams portray an actress like Monroe, who achieved stardom with charm, warmth and massive sex appeal. The result could either be a beautiful disaster or a triumph. I, for one, am intrigued either way.

Jason Segel & Amy Adams, The Muppets

I was going to pick Sterling Knight & Selena Gomez as the duo from this film I'm most excited about, but I realize that they are probably only cameo roles and I don't want to get overexcited for 90 seconds of screentime. I don't, however, want to make it sound like I'm not interested in the main romance between Segel & Adams. These two are adorable on their own, so I don't know if we can handle their combined adorableness. I'm certainly willing to try, though.

Half-Way Report for 2011

Top 5 Films

05. Source Code (Duncan Jones)

The tepid reviews really watered down any expectations, so I was surprised to find a fine mix of a great gimmick, intelligent action sequences and an achingly beautiful and unsentimental romance. Source Code had me under its spell the entire runtime, a spell that even a horribly botched ending couldn't completely break.

04. Scream 4 (Wes Craven)

Instead of phoning it in, Craven & Co. deliver another excellent installment in this horror franchise. Bonus points: will I have this much fun at another movie this year? I haven't been so giggly in a theatre since I saw Secretariat and my friend Sammi kept shouting "Oscar! Oscar!" at all of Diane Lane's big Moments.

03. Downton Abbey (Julian Fellowes)

Witty, absorbing and intelligent with a great ratio of serious and silly, Julian Fellowes' expansion of his Gosford Park was one of the most surprising things I've seen all year. And who says Masterpiece Theatre is only for old geezers?

02. Bridesmaids (Paul Feig)

This film had me at Kristen Wiig in raunchy female comedy. But who would have guessed just how funny and real it was going to be?!

01. Hanna (Joe Wright)

As you are all well aware, action films are not my favorite genre, but when you have an ace stylist like Joe Wright who knows how to construct images and scenes with a distinctive visual flair that don't feel gratuitous (unlike a certain other French Canadian director everyone is so crazy about), a bombastic score from The Chemical Brothers and a hard-as-nails lead performance from one of the only decent under 18 actors around, you have the very best film of the year so far. And I can't imagine not loving this by year end either.

Top 5 Performances

05. Michael Fassbender, Jane Eyre

Sex sex sex sex sex sex. He's practically dripping with testosterone and hard, angry lust in all of his best scenes in Jane Eyre.

04. Saoirse Ronan, Hanna

Who would have guessed that the same girl from Atonement would also be a total Ellen Ripley? Kudos to her for balancing the pathos with the ass-kicking.

03. Maya Rudolph, Bridesmaids

She obviously the straight woman to Wiig's whacked out nutiness, but she kills in her own comedic moments. Plus, Rudolph adds a touch of sweetness to the bawdy comedy surrounding her.

02. Dame Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Dame Maggie plays Dame Maggie here--a crusty old grandmother who won't stand for foolishness or foreign ideas--but no one does Dame Maggie like the legend herself. Her wonderful comedic timing ("What is a weekend?") punctuates and accentuates what could have been a dry melodrama.

01. Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

The fact that she plays a desperate, single maid of honor who can't hold a job, gets involved in sexual relationships with idiots who don't deserve her, likes to partaaaaaay and makes lots of penis jokes sounds like it was tailor-made for me. But, despite all the major (and deserved) guffaws, Wiig plays Annie with a sense of realness and legitimacy often ignored in comedies of this nature.

Top 5 Rentals

05. Europa Europa

A Holocaust film about survival from a different angle than you're accustomed to seeing. This one blew me away and not just because the male lead went full frontal in the first five minutes. (My review here)

04. Female

Without a doubt, the Pre-Code era was one of the most liberating for actresses. This film with Ruth Chatterton as a powerful CEO whose career is her life and men are just sexual playthings is one of the best from that period. It's not-so-subtle approach to sex will baffle audiences who think old films are all chaste and wholesome. (My review here)

03. The Last Command

Josef von Sternberg's tale of a former Russian general exiled in Hollywood as a silent film extra appears a tad farfetched on paper, especially when you consider that he begins work on a film directed by a Communist he personally sent to prison. Unbelievable or not, it's a great film, a fine example of the type of complex dramas Hollywood was able to crank out like clockwork in the Golden Age.

02. Billy Liar

Tom Courtenay is often forgotten among British New Wave heavies like Albert Finney and Richard Harris. A shame since many of his films and his performance hold up far better than any of Finney's (especially from this era). Billy Liar is a surprisingly funny and unself-conscious film for the period with Courtenay as our plucky hero, a working class chap who spends his days escaping his dreary existence through his own fantasy world. Julie Christie, of all actresses, lends support as his quirky and fun friend/possible love interest who encourages his fantasy.

01. The Prince and the Showgirl

This Laurence Olivier directed comedy about a stubborn, conceited prince (Olivier) and the vivacious, smarter-than-she-looks showgirl who falls for him (Marilyn Monroe) really should have been a disaster. The man who won an Oscar for Hamlet acting against Hollywood's most notorious "dumb blonde" bombshell? Get out of here. Somehow, by the grace of Oprah, it all came together in one of the most charming and funny romantic comedies of the 50's. Olivier is great playing the pompous cad, but Monroe is the real story here. Her umpteenth take on the showgirl role is one of the cleverest performances of her career, only outclassed by Some Like It Hot and The Misfits.

Top 5 Songs

05. Katy Perry "E.T."

An unusual but ultimately beautiful love song. Who would have guessed that after "I Kissed a Girl" Katy would have something like this in her?

04. Rihanna "Man Down"

The Rated R Era officially comes to an end with this reconciliation of that album's dark, violent imagery and the Loud Era's more commercial tendencies. The result is a brilliant synthesis of the two Rihanna polarities.

03. Eric Saade "Popular"

So gloriously over-the-top and manic how can you not love it?

02. Nicole Scherzinger "Don't Hold Your Breath"

My personal anthem for 2011. For serious.

01. Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

It has become my main goal in life to learn all the lyrics to this song. I'm getting pretty good, for a white guy, anyways, which is especially encouraging since this is one of Nicki's faster raps. Everything about this song is pure joy. I've listened to it 60+ times in just a month and a half and I haven't even come close to getting sick of it.

Top 5 Bonus Tracks, B-sides, Remixes & Other Assorted Non-Singles

05. Le Kid "Mr. Brightside"

The reason I don't dismiss every cover song on the planet is because of covers like this, a fun and bouncy reconfiguring of the Killers' big, somewhat dark pop anthem.

04. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls) (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

I'm not normally into remixes except in instances when they improve the original (and don't go on for 8 minutes at a time). Why Beyoncé hasn't done a full-blown dance album yet is beyond me.

03. Andrew Rannells "I Believe"

It's all about one lyric: "And I believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people (Black people!)"

02. Rihanna featuring Britney Spears "S&M (Remix)"

Slutty Britney is still my favorite Britney, so I can't tell you how excited I was to hear her inimitable voice moan out "Na na na come on" in the beginning. I know a lot of people either violently hated or shrugged their shoulders at this remix but not me. It's dumb and ridiculous and slutty and exactly the way a song called "S&M" should be.

01. Selena Gomez "Who Says (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

A vast improvement over the midtempo original. Why this wasn't done as a dancefloor inspirational jam in the first place beats the hell out of me.

Top 5 Albums

05. Alexis Jordan, Alexis Jordan

A fine debut from a rising star. Nothing especially groundbreaking but it has become a compulsively listenable album in the months since I first heard it.

04. Original Cast, The Book of Mormon (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

Everything you would expect from a Matt Stone and Trey Parker skewering of the Mormon religion and then some. Even non fans of South Park would get a kick out of this.

03. Same Difference, The Rest Is History

Everyone's favorite slightly incestuous brother-sister pop duo Same Difference is back and all grown up this time. The glorious key changes are ditched in favor of sleeker, sexier dance pop. A refreshing and worthy follow-up to their fantastic debut.

02. Selena Gomez & The Scene, When the Sun Goes Down

In the matter of 18 short months, Selena has gone from Disney's fourth largest commodity (after the Brothers Jonas, Miley & Demi, obviously) to one of the brightest beacons of hope for the future of pop music. One of the album's key tracks, the killer "Whiplash," was co-written by the Queen herself, Britney, and it almost looks like a way of her passing the torch and giving approval to her eventual successor...

01. Britney Spears, Femme Fatale

...That is if Britney was ready to go anywhere. Twelve years into her career and Britney only gets better, constantly surprising us with the directions she is taking her music.

Top 5 Music Videos

05. Rihanna "S&M"

Rihanna is not really a music video artist, which is a shame because it's an area she should be excelling in. "S&M" is one of her rare videos that deviates from the "I'm just gonna stand around and look pretty" norm. I love the bright colors of the mise-en-scène and the way Rihanna goes balls the wall with the S&M imagery. If it wasn't for the hyper kinetic editing which distracts more often than it should, I'd say it was her masterpiece.

04. Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out." As if Britney could be any more legendary. Has Britney ever had this much fun in a music video?

03. Hurts "Sunday"

A glorious reinterpretation of the Orpheus myth which builds on the well-established persona of Hurts as the most depressing, dapper duo in music today.

02. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

01. Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

I'm pretty sure I've said all I need to say about these two videos.

Top 5 Obsessions

05. Kylie Minogue's Discography
After Christmas, I randomly picked up a used copy of Kylie's Fever album and fell in love with it. Having such a major success with that one, I downloaded another. Yet again a corker, so I downloaded another. And the cycle went on and on until I had all of her studio albums in my possession. If anything, I'm grateful for this little jaunt of mine for making me realize the absolute brilliance that is "Your Disco Needs You" and, especially, "What Do I Have to Do".

04. Michael Fassbender in Jane Eyre and X-Men: First Class

He is the walking sex. I can't even. How did those actors get through their scenes without dropping their pants and bending over in front of him?

03. Brideshead Revisited

How did people watch miniseries before the invention of the DVD?  I don't know how I would have waited a week between installments of this popular British miniseries from 1981, starring Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews. I was like a carnivore as soon as that red Netflix envelope came in my mailbox, tearing it to shreads and rushing to put the DVD in the player. This series was so good, y'all, especially the first half with Andrews as the drole, alcoholic, guilt-ridden Sebasitan Flyte.

02. Tom Courtenay

I've become such an uber fan of Courtenay's in the past couple of months I watched Doctor fucking Zhivago again just for him and his Oscar nomination. Yes, I re-watched a bloody David Lean film for him. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

01. Random TLC Shows

Extreme Couponing. Toddlers & Tiaras. My Strange Addiction.  The best programming in all of television is on this channel. And to think I once dismissed TLC as the channel where every show is about midgets and obnoxiously large families.

Top 5 Hot Guys

(New/recent obsessions since this list would otherwise be all Michael Fassbender)

05. Marlon Teixeira

04. Eric Saade

03. Josh Hutcherson

02. Aaron Tveit

01. Armie Hammer

Top 5 Blog Posts

05. Dame Wears Black for Andy

I'm still in mourning.

04. Even My Grandma Thinks I'm Gonna Die Alone

In which even my lovely 84 year old grandma realizes that I am Liz Lemon.

03. Sex & Blue Valentine

My analysis of one sex scene that haunted me in Blue Valentine.

02. My Oscar Dream

Is this really how I'm gonna win my Oscar? Lord I hope so.

01. Top 10 Sonny With a Chance Moments

Goodbye, my beloved show. It was a great run while it lasted. Here's hoping the lovely cast finds much success afterwards (especially once this So Random! thing ends).

2010 Diva Cup Awards: Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale

The Fighter

For an actor considered to be one of the best working today, I must admit that Bale often leaves me cold. Apart from Empire of the Sun, American Psycho and The Prestige, Bale's predilection towards grungy roles in often times grungier movies and his Method-tics that have lead to much-publicized weight gains and losses for the sake of his art do very little for me. I often feel like Bale is an actor who prefers to work on the surface so much he forgets to work on the internal character. The Fighter, on first glance, certainly appears to be another Bale performance in the vein: all loud showiness, no grasp of subtlety. And when Melissa Leo appears, it's like a competition to see who can be the loudest at any given moment. Over the course of the film, however, you realize that without Bale, there can be no Adams or Wahlberg. They need each other, much like good and evil, in order to survive; Bale is the showman, the one who must build up Wahlberg while Wahlberg is the one who must back up Bale's taunts and big words. Bale is the yin to Wahlberg's yang and becomes an essential part of The Fighter's enormous success.

Michael Fassbender

Fish Tank

Fish Tank, in part, is a film about deceptive appearances with no character being more deceptive than Fassy's Connor. On the first go-around with the film, Mia (and the audience) can't help but to be attracted to this figure of both emotional and sexual fulfillment. He takes an interest in the hard, impenetrable Mia when no one else in her life can be bothered. Connor makes her feel like an important person for probably the first time in her life. The second time watching Fish Tank, however, makes it abundantly clear that Connor is not Mia's savior in any way. At first, we want to excuse his behavior (He's in love! He couldn't help it! He was drunk!) because of the (positive?) impact he has made on Mia's life up to that point. Eventually we see that Connor has been setting Mia up for this since the beginning of the film. All the classic signs of sexual abuse are there: his potential victim is an isolated young woman, he makes her feel important and loved, he slowly seduces her before making the big move. Part of the brilliance of Fassbender's performance depends on the fact that, like in real life, we often cannot tell who the villains are until much later. Fassbender doesn't hit us over the head with the fact that he's The Villian; his evilness comes across organically, constantly shifting to Mia's erratic moods. Fassbender's performance is a reminder that evil-doers sometimes come in pretty, charming, sexually attractive packages.

Andrew Garfield

The Social Network

Is Andy the greatest actor of his generation? If not, he's certainly the most versatile, hopping around between styles and genres with an ease that contemporaries like Efron and Pattinson can only dream about. Despite his ability to bounce around, it appears like Andy already has a "type": the socially awkward young male who barely manages to function in everyday society. The reason he has been so successful, however, is the fact that he has been able to bring a little something different to each of his characters in Boy A, Never Let Me Go and The Social Network. The last of these, which was this close to netting him his first Oscar nomination, is interesting in the fact that it allows Andy to play with the comedic part of his awkwardness. My first thought whenever I think of his performance is the scene at the beach party where he's wearing that ridiculous straw hat and, upon seeing Mark enter, he does this funny little dance as his way of greeting him. The most fascinating part of his performance, however, is watching Andy's Eduardo slowly come to the conclusion that he will probably never "know" Mark in the way he would like. No matter how hard he tries, Mark will always have some walls that won't come down. This realization on Eduardo's part manifests itself in many forms: paranoia, anger, hurt and confusion, among others. It's to Andy's credit that these conflicting emotions never once feel at odds with each other; if anything, these compliment and flow into each other perfectly. When Eduardo's big moment happens, confronting Mark about being forced out of the company, all his emotions come out at once and he doesn't even care if he makes sense. It's the perfect exclamation point on a career-changing performance for Mr. Garfield. Oh Andy, indeed.

James Marsden

Death at a Funeral

The actor who has had the biggest career reinvention of the past five years is not someone who normally comes to mind. Between the 1-2-3 punch of Hairspray, Enchanted and 27 Dresses in a six month span and this year's Death at a Funeral, James Marsden continues to surprise those of us who thought of him as nothing more than a generic pretty boy. But, at an age when most former boytoy actors find their careers floundering, Marsden has finally found his niche as a character actor with a flair for over-the-top comedy. In Death at a Funeral, a slightly generic if not totally unwatchable remake of a British film of the same name, Marsden plays the boyfriend of Zoe Saldana, nervous about spending the day with her strict, dominant father. He takes a pill to help him relax, it turns out to be acid, and Marsden spends the rest of the film in a hilarious drug-induced haze, having conversations with flowers and seeing dead people move inside a coffin. The centerpiece of his performance involves him getting naked on a rooftop and it's every bit as glorious as you'd think it is. Some of the jokes are duds but Marsden sells them like the pro he is and winds up stealing the entire film from an impressive cast.

Mark Ruffalo

The Kids Are All Right

For a film as tepid and straining-to-be-relevant as The Kids Are All Right ultimately is, it's impressive that the ever reliable Ruffalo manages to give one of his best performances under such unfavorable conditions. He plays Paul, a 40-something man-child who has certain parts of his life finally figured out but other areas that could definitely stand improvement. Paul is at an impasse when he's contacted by two teenagers who were conceived via his sperm donation from back in the day. He meets them and things suddenly start to fall in place for Paul. Maybe this is what he meant for? But even with this newfound "maturity," Ruffalo is keen on letting us know that Paul has a long way to go. For every good thing he does with the kids, there's a "I like lesbians!" punchline or an even bigger plot twist that reveals Paul hasn't grasped this adult thing yet. He's still a child who wants what he wants when he wants it. Ruffalo, like the Godsend he is, conveys all this while remaining ever likeable and sexy eye candy to boot.

 And the Diva Cup Goes to: Michael Fassbender, Fish Tank

Imaginary Boyfriends of 2010

Darren Criss

He managed to make Glee watchable for roughly five minutes with his renditions of 'Teenage Dream' and the originally dire 'Hey Soul Sister.' For that alone, he makes what the original Miracle Worker Anne Sullivan did look like child's play. And he was surprisingly sexy and sultry on 'Baby It's Cold Outside,' his duet with Chris Colfer; Lord knows I wouldn't have refused if he asked me to stay the night.

Ed Drewett

He's a hot Aryan ready and willing to save electropop from the clutches of evil doers who want to see it destroyed. You really can't ask for much more than that, can you?

Michael Fassbender

Literally one week into 2010, I witnessed what is perhaps the most indelible image of the year in Fish Tank: Michael Fassbender, shirtless and with pants barely covering his ass, first appears in the life of the film's protagonist. The rest of the film is pure Fassbender Porn as director Andrea Arnold subsequently makes both Katie Jarvis and the audience slowly fall in pure lust with the man. I thought he was particularly charming in last year's Inglourious Basterds, but 2010 was the year when I wanted Michael Fassbender to put me over his knee and spank me as he does to Katie Jarvis at one point in Fish Tank.

Tom Ford and his muse Nicholas Hoult

While Fish Tank was Fassbender Porn, Tom Ford's directorial debut A Single Man was Nicholas Hoult Porn. I didn't get to see it until early in this year but it was so worth the wait. Ford is clearly in love with Nicholas Hoult's face and spends a good amount of time filling the frame with his wonderful mug. And don't even get me started about That Scene! Nick and Tom clearly know what we all want and aren't afraid to give it to us. While Nick was showing the goods on-screen, Tom brings them every time he makes a public appearance. The man is approaching 50 and is as fuckable as ever. Together, this fabulous duo made 2010 that much sexier.

Andrew Garfield

"Oh Andy!" became a popular expression around my Twitter account in the weeks leading into the release of The Social Network and I haven't stopped using it since. There's simply so much to love about this adorable Brit--his talent, his good looks, his awkwardness, his goofiness--and 2010 offered a smorgasbord of Andy delights. The year started with Red Riding: 1974, a British crime drama which featured Andy as a hulking sex god who...I don't know, solves a crime or something? I honestly remember very little of the actual film besides him sexing Rebecca Hall and his glorious Louis Garrel-esque Sex Hair. Next came Never Let Me Go, which was good but felt like a little bit of a retread of his Boy A work. Finally, we have The Social Network, which is hopefully going to snag him an Oscar nomination come January. He does excellent work in the film, bouncing off Eisenberg's introverted asshole savant with his usual subtlety and nuance. Coming up next: the new Spider Man film which, for once, I'm actually excited about like your average fanboy. But I'm sure it's for far different reasons.

Tom Hardy

After Marion Cotillard, the one thing in Inception that left the most vivid impression on me was the hulking, but equally charismatic, Tom Hardy. He clearly wasn't taking the whole premise seriously and managed to inject some fun into the proceedings, mostly through the sexual tension between him and the uptight Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Towards the end of the year, the internet was flooded with on the set images of Hardy on his new film with Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine called This Means War where he and Pine play best friends who fight over Witherspoon. Any movie where those two go at it is one that is instantly going to the top of my Most Anticipated Movies list.

Francisco Lachowski

Francisco, or Chico as he is affectionately known around the interweb, is one of the most versatile male models on the planet. This Brazilian can do it all: goofy, sensual, sexy, dramatic, intense. And, often, he's able to portray two or three of those at the same time. Chico has a great gift and I hope he continues giving in the next year.

Joe McElderry

I've already gone on at length about why I love La Joe, as we cool kids on Twitter have come to call him, but I still need to mention him on this list. He sings, he dances, he wears leather jackets, he's not interested in Adam Lambert AND he makes me giggle when he falls down. La Joe is clearly a perfect man.

Simon Nessman

This curly-haired Canadian model seems like such a regular, down home guy, especially compared to sexy aloofness that Chico Lachowski and River Viiperi often project. Both types of models are necessary to the modeling world, but Nessman is quite obviously the best at what he does.

Xavier Samuel

I've been in love with Xavier for awhile, but 2010 was the year he made his American breakthrough in the latest installment of the Twilight series. He was so beautiful and so sexy in the film I both forgot about Taylor Lautner momentarily and briefly understood why so many people are turned on by vampires. When he was unceremoniously dragged away by a pack of werewolves to a certain death by the end of the film, I asked my friend in vain if he would be coming back in the next film. Trying to spare my feelings, she told me, "Um, yeah!" The next installment of Twilight will be sorely lacking without this Aussie hunk.

Alexander Skarsgard

The other hot vampire of 2010, Alexander Skarsgard caught my attention earlier this year with his striking good looks and his massive frame. I could only make it through the first season of True Blood, when Alex's hair was so unappealing I could barely muster any sexual interest, but this doesn't prevent me from thinking he's a hot piece of ass.

River Viiperi

This Spanish model made a big breakthrough in 2010 with a wide variety of editorials in a short period of time. His range is nearly as wide as Lachowski's, but he has a signature look in every one of them which sets him apart from nearly every other model in the game. He has clearly taken lessons from Tyra Banks on America's Next Top Model, which is obviously not a bad way to hone your craft.