Imaginary Boyfriends of 2011

It's that time of the year again! Let's honor the hottest, most desirable and all-around attractive men, aka my Imaginary Boyfriends, from the past twelve months.

(And in case you are curious about my previous picks, check out 2008, 2009 and 2010).

Johan Akan

As soon as I saw a picture of Johan, my first reaction was, "Who is this guy?" He's one of those models who looks good clothed, naked, doing a serious shoot, an artsy shoot, a fun, personality-driven one or even one with the legendary Catherine Deneuve. In other words, Johan is the total package and one of the best new models around.

Douglas Booth

Some guys have it all. And a select few, like Douglas, manage to have it all at the ripe old age of 19. He's got the looks of a model, an impeccable fashion sense (or at least smart stylists) and a career on the rise, with both a Miley Cyrus comedy and the umpteenth adaptation of Romeo & Juliet in the works. I would hate him if he wasn't so damn attractive.

Dominic Cooper

I will admit that it took me way too long to warm up to Dom (I still blame that boner crusher Mamma Mia!). Thankfully, 2011 was the year I came to my senses and truly fell for the The Coop. It certainly helped that 2011 was also the year of The Devil's Double, wherein Dom stripped down in to his Speedo and then some. Repeatedly. Needless to say, it was a very good year for Dom's fans.

Leebo Freeman

A bit "out there" for my usual tastes in men, I'll admit, but there's something about that platinum blond hair, those piercings, the way he rocks sunglasses, his versatility in front of the camera and, of course, his body, that works for me.

Max George

One of my favorite pastimes these past six months has been getting drunk and then tweeting very inappropriate messages to Wanted frontman Max George. He hasn't responded back yet, which is probably for the best. But you can hardly blame me when he looks as good as he does, especially on his recent Attitude magazine cover; I'm pretty sure I tweeted him that if I was 14 years old, I totally would have masturbated to his photo shoot.

Ryan Gosling

The Occupy People Magazine movement, started after People picked Bradley Cooper over Ryan Gosling as this year's Sexiest Man Alive, had to be one of the funniest protests in ages. How those boneheads ended up going with Cooper, who isn't bad looking by any means but is really only mega famous because of The Hangover, over Gosling is beyond me. This past year will always be remembered as the one where Ryan Gosling went from respected to indie actor to full-fledged movie star, and as the one where the last stragglers finally fell under his charm. If that doesn't qualify you as the Sexiest Man Alive, I don't know what will.

Armie Hammer

I never rank my Imaginary Boyfriends because I feel that it's enough of an honor just to be mentioned (yes, I am that conceited) and it's a hard enough task narrowing the list down to this many people without having to rank them. With that said, I think we can all agree that My Man Armie would probably be my number one for 2011. I fell in love with his goofiness while making the press rounds for The Social Network, I died of happiness when I heard he was making out with a dude on film (even though said film was an Eastwood film and said dude was DiCaprio), I posed with his cover of Details magazine, I saw freaking J. Edgar at midnight on its opening day. If that doesn't qualify as obsessive behavior, I don't know what does. And you know what? I wouldn't take back a single thing.

Josh Hutcherson

Vanessa Hudgens tried to sink her nasty claws into Our Josh, but thankfully she moved on to someone no one really cares about. The year started off very well for Josh, as he looked perfectly adorable in his tux at the Oscars. Perhaps even more important, though, was his casting in The Hunger Games, which should finally launch him as one of the best young actors in Hollywood. I'm definitely Team whatever character Josh plays.

Max Irons

One of the most unbelievable sights in the movies this year was in Red Riding Hood where we are supposed to believe that the gorgeous Max Irons was somehow an undesirable suitor for Amanda Seyfried. On what planet is he not even competition for the equally attractive Shiloh Fernandez? Nonsense!

Steve Jones

The sexiest host on TV (sorry, Seacrest) made one of the most unbearable shows of the year almost watchable whenever he came on-screen, yelling at Nicole "Cunt" Scherzinger to make a goddamn decision already. I will never watch another episode of this God forsaken show ever again, but I still dream about Steve holding me backstage while my friend goes out and auditions for the judges and we nervous wait their decision.

Harry Judd

With their music career in limbo, what else was there for the McFly boys to do but get naked and appear on reality shows? Thankfully, none of the boys delivered on each of these fronts as well as Harry did. The boy has no shame, but with a body and a face like that, can you blame him? As if seeing GIFs of his performances on Strictly Come Dancing weren't hot enough, along came that Attitude cover. We've already seen Harry pretty much naked but that cover feels dirtier than anything we've seen him do before. A tip of the hat to you, Harry.

Zayn Malik

When One Direction was on X-Factor, I was a Liam girl, through and through. But then he came out with that horrible hairstyle, and I moved on to greener pastures. I didn't realize just how green those pastures were with Zayn Malik until I was a complete fangirl referring to myself as Mrs. Malik. I think Zayn is poised as the bad boy of the group (He has earrings. And he's gives good seriousface.), but whenever he smiles, his eyes light up the entire room, inspiring me to join thousands of other teenage girls writing fanfiction about how he spots me across the arena at his concert and immediately falls in love with me. Sigh. A girl can dream, right?

Chris O'Dowd

Chris can't really compete with the others on this list in the looks department, but he makes up for any (slight) deficiencies in looks with his personality and sense of humor. In Bridesmaids, he was the most realistic Prince Charming in a romantic comedy in years. As an added bonus, he doesn't look too shabby in a police uniform.

Anthony Perkins

I've always found Tony attractive--hello, Psycho--but 2011 was when my lust for him went into overdrive. I saw The Trial late in 2010 and, consequently, went on full-on binge of Perkins movies. With Tall Story and Five Miles to Midnight, most of them stunk to high heaven. But Tony was never less than super attractive, so at least I had his lean, lanky frame to stare at for the runtime.

Eric Saade

In a land full of gorgeous, sexy men, Saade stands out as one of Sweden's sexiest. He has the moves like Timberlake and the looks of a Greek god. You simply can't say no to someone this attractive.

Marlon Teixeira

Of all the male models in the world willing to get naked and show off (nearly) all the goods, do any do it as willingly and with such glee as Marlon Teixeira? I've seen more of his body than I have of some people I've been intimate with. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, as his body is absolutely bangin'. God bless those Brazilians, every one of them.

Aaron Tveit

I have been in love with Aaron Tveit ever since he guest starred on Gossip Girl as Nate's ultra preppy, Senate-seeking cousin, yet somehow I have never once included him on one of these Imaginary Boyfriends lists. For shame, Dame! In all honesty, it may have been the best to wait for 2011, as Tveit had what was perhaps his most high profile year ever. First, he starred in the musical version of Catch Me If You Can on Broadway, which produced a great soundtrack and the chance to see him perform at the Tony's (in a pilot's uniform!). Then, we saw him as a guest star on Law & Order: SVU as, much to my happiness, a former basketball star turned drug addict who was sexually abused by his childhood coach. He sings, he dances, he plays emotionally damaged boys; how can you not love this guy?

Top 50 Songs of 2011, Part 2

Read part one here.

20. Britney Spears "Criminal"

Britney and ballads usually don't mix, or at least they haven't since "Every Time". But "Criminal" is perhaps the first ballad of Britney's career that caters to her vocal stylings instead of the other way around. Bonus points for that flute solo.

19. The Wanted "Lose My Mind"

"Lose My Mind," a melancholic, mid-tempo ballad a good deal more mature and emotive than you would expect from "just a boyband," was the first song from The Wanted that truly clicked with me (so of course it's the only single of theirs that didn't even land in the Top 20 in the UK).

18. Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull "On the Floor"

"It's a new generation," J. Lo sings over the intro to this RedOne-produced jam, alluding to the fact that a whole generation has come and gone since the last time she's been a popstar (I mean, I didn't even have my driver's license the last time she had a Top 10 hit). With its swift tempo changes, contrasts between hard dance and soft, breathy pop and an accordion melody, "On the Floor" proved that J. Lo still has what it takes to keep up with the Gagas and Rihannas of the pop world.

 

17. Taylor Swift "Back to December"

Taylor usually comes off as a whiny, mopey lesbian who spends far too much time thinking about her feelings and crying. However, "Back to December," allegedly about her "relationship" with Taylor Lautner, is her first ballad that comes off as a mature piece of work, rather than mediocre poetry from a 16-year-old. The line "You gave me roses/And I left them there to die" is filled with more melancholy and bitter regret than most songs can muster in three and a half minutes.

16. The Wanted "Lightning"

With "All Time Low" and "Glad You Came" before, and now "Lightning", it is readily apparent that when The Wanted and Ed Drewett get together, magic happens. Taking a cue from the unexpected contrast between hardness and softness in Britney's "Hold It Against Me," "Lightning" is The Wanted's most ingenious song to date and further proof that this group's success is not a fluke.

15. Nicki Minaj "Girls Fall Like Dominoes"

Nicki manages on "Girls Fall Like Dominoes," without the crutch of imagining herself as a boy (á la "Like a Boy," "If I Were a Boy" or "Do It Like a Dude"), to deliver a powerful, "if the boys can do it, why can't I?" message with her usual off-the-wall flow. She also manages the near impossible feat of name checking both the Kardashians and Kristin Cavallari without looking like she's trying too hard.

14. Nicola Roberts "Beat of My Drum"

Now this is how you launch a solo career after being a part of a mega successful girl group for nearly a decade. Instead of giving a fuck about how commercial this song is, Nicola hired a producer better known for urban and club music to create the sound she was looking for. Combined with the most infectious and catchy school yard chant since "Hollaback Girl," "Beat of My Drum" is the best (and most successful) experiment of the year.

13. Adele "Rolling in the Deep"

Although it became impossible to avoid on both sides of the Atlantic, "Rolling in the Deep" doesn't get any less amazing the 500th time you hear it. It's the kind of mind-blowing pop anthem that comes along only a couple times a decade and should be treasured as such.

12. Lady Gaga "The Edge of Glory"

The 99 cents I paid for Gaga's Born This Way album was just for this song. Whereas most of that album was an ugly, monotonous mess, "The Edge of Glory" is a reminder of how good Gaga can be when she's not trying so hard to be an artsy, edgy artiste. In many ways, this is a throwback to the sonic and emotional overload that was "Bad Romance".

11. Hurts "Sunday"

"Sunday" is an achingly sad song, disguised with as fast of a tempo as you're likely ever to get from the notoriously gloomy British duo. The contrast is jarring, but only makes the song that much more fascinating.

10. Rihanna "S&M"/Rihanna featuring Britney Spears "S&M (Remix)"

What a lot of people failed to understand about this song is that S&M is not about the whipping, the tying up and the gagging. It is more about control and trusting your partner. In other words, there's a world of difference between your popstar boyfriend beating the shit out of you in a car and leaving you for dead (for example) and having someone you love and trust tie you to a bed and whip you. "S&M" is Rihanna taking back control of her life from past demons. The fact that it's a candy-coated pop song summarizes what was so brilliant about the Loud era--the combination of the darkness of Rated R with the commerciality of Good Girl Gone Bad. The remix is admittedly frivolous, and the production is wonky at best, but it's so much damn fun I can't resist. I still feel pangs of excitement every time I hear Britney's inimitable voice growl, "Na na na, come on!"

09. Adele "Set Fire to the Rain"

"Set Fire to the Rain" is the bombastic, over-the-top, shout-it-at-the-top-of-your-lungs powerballad I always knew Adele had in her. I love "Rolling in the Deep," obviously, and "Someone Like You" is a beautiful song, but this song is more suited to my taste for massive, emotional pop ballads ("Set Fire to the Rain" is up there with Céline Dion's magnum opus "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"), songs as emotional therapy (but I guess the entirety of 21 would fall under this category) and even songs with the word "fire" in them (just as this is my favorite Adele song, "Fire Bomb" is my favorite Rihanna song). Adele's throaty, gritty vocals have never sounded better, especially when she's singing, "Well it burned while I cried/'Cause I heard it screaming out your name." While 21 wasn't my cup of tea overall, it is because of songs like "Set Fire to the Rain" that I sincerely believe Adele is one of the greatest talents of our time.

 

08. Beyoncé "Best Thing I Never Had"

Aside from a new baby, girlfriend had a tough 2011. After releasing nearly every damn track off her challenging (but still brilliant) 4 album, Beyoncé couldn't land a Top 10 hit if she changed her name to Katy Gaga. I guess no one was in the mood for mid-90's R&B throwbacks (and whatever the hell you would classify "Run the World" as), which is an utter shame when they are as brilliant as "Best Thing I Never Had". The song's theme is that of a typical "I'm so glad I'm over you" anthem, but it's written from a slightly different point of view, giving it even further depth beyond B's powerhouse vocals (Which are fun to belt along with into your remote control/pretend microphone at 1 am. Not that I've ever done that).

07. Nicole Scherzinger "Don't Hold Your Breath"

I've grown to hate Nicole "Cunt" Scherzinger after her stint as judge on X-Factor US, but, as I have said before, don't hate the song, hate the singer. "Don't Hold Your Breath" is still a magnificently potent pop song, intelligently written to be an empowering "moving on" anthem with just the slightest hint of mournful sorrow about the demise of the relationship. Of course, Scherzinger's personality-free vocals have very little to do with its success, but she does deserve some credit for realizing what a great song this is.

06. Sophie Ellis-Bextor "Off & On"

While many will (deservedly) think of "We Found Love" as the Calvin Harris jam of the year, I can't rank it above Harris' underappreciated effort with the one and only Sophie Ellis-Bextor. "Off & On" has been floating around for a few years, first as a Róisín Murphy track which didn't make her album, then as an unreleased SEB demo and finally in this finished album form, and is still just as brilliant today as it was then. The fact that both Murphy and Ellis-Bextor, two immensely talented divas with two completely different styles, both managed to use this song to suit their individual styles has me curious what covers of this song by other pop divas and their favorite producers would sound like. I mean, imagine "Off & On" by Britney and Bloodshy & Avant, Nelly Furtado and Timbaland, P!nk and Dr. Luke or Madonna and William Orbit. The results would be all over the place, but "Off & On" is such a flexible song, you can easily imagine all of them working.

05. One Direction "What Makes You Beautiful"

I rooted for One Direction during their X-Factor days because even then I somehow knew that they were going to make music that I was going to appreciate and love. But when "What Makes You Beautiful" came out, they completely blew my expectations away. The title makes it sound like a dreary, completely clichéd mid-tempo boyband track, so color me surprised when I discovered it was the most cheery, sunny, peppy pop song you could ever hope for. Lyrics such as "If only you saw what I could see/You'd understand why I want you so desperately" sound like complete hokum, but the One Direction boys deliver them with such immense joy and earnestness, you begin to believe it. In other words, my new dream in life is for a boy to sing this song to me to proclaim his love for me (the boy in this dream may or may not be Zayn Malik). "What Makes You Beautiful" is the kind of song that makes you wish for something as ridiculous like that and doesn't make you feel ashamed about it after the song has ended. If that's not the definition of a perfect pop song, I don't know what is.

04. Eric Saade "Popular"

Saade is very hit or miss, as evidenced by the success of this year's Saade Vol. 1 album and the utter shittiness of Vol. 2 just a few months later. When he hits, as he does with his Eurovision entry "Popular," there are few male popstars in the world who can match him. There's nothing especially noteworthy about either the lyrics or the message of "Popular," both of which are pretty standard fare as far as dance-pop tracks go. But there is something in Saade's delivery, particularly in the last minute of the song where things go absolutely off the rails and Saade is wailing and crying and singing his heart out, that elevates this song to classic status. Saade may not have won Eurovision with this song, but he certainly won a fan in me.

03. Rihanna "Man Down"

The fact that "Man Down," Rihanna's farewell to the Rated R era in both theme and tone, was ever released as a single completely surprised me (although I wasn't as surprised by its underperformance on the charts). I can see why this song wouldn't appeal to Rihanna fans who are fond of her lighter, dancier stuff, but it's because of songs like "Man Down," where she is willing to skirt commerciality in order to express a darker, less digestible idea, that I'm such a big fan of hers in the first place. Now that she has the success and the credibility to back her up, she is up for trying anything, even if that involves a pseudo-reggae styling and her most pronounced Bajan accent ever featured on one of her songs. But the real power of "Man Down" is around the three minute mark where Rihanna completely descends into reggae territory and starts slurring words in her own, special way. Not many commercial artists would be willing to push their sound that far outside the box, but Rihanna does it without breaking a sweat.

02. Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

At this point in her career, Britney has nothing left to prove. The woman has defied expectations for years and managed to stay relevant long after many of her early counterparts have bitten the dust (yes, Floptina, I'm talking about you!). So, what else is there left for her to do but assert herself as the Queen of Pop and remind us once again why we go to her for edgy, top-notch dance songs. "I Wanna Go," with it's talk of masturbation and showing us all the dirt Britney's got running through her mind, is nothing we haven't heard before from her. But is there anyone else on the planet who can sing about such things with such complete cheeriness and without making it the filthiest fucking song you've ever heard? I talk a lot about "summer jams" and how most of the ones made today are processed to sound like immediate iTunes must haves. But "I Wanna Go" is the perfect example of how a song not immediately destined for the easiness of a lazy day on the beach can completely encapsulate that feeling. The song is reckless abandon and utter freedom with a dash of naughtiness to spice things up. And without "I Wanna Go," 2011 would have been a whole lot less fun.

01. Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

Ignorance may be bliss, but in the case of "Super Bass," ignorance nearly cost me my number one song of the year. It wasn't until this video's premiere in April that I even knew this song, or any of the other Pink Friday bonus tracks, existed. As soon as I heard the song, I liked it enough to download it. Then I kept listening to it and I thought to myself, "Hey, I can learn that rap!". So I spent nearly a month singing along with the lyrics, hoping that one day it would sink in. And then it did, but I still couldn't get enough of this song. Now at 98 plays on my iTunes--the only song that ranks higher is Girls Aloud's "Biology"--I can safely assume that I will never be tired of "Super Bass". Usually, I'm not a big fan of when Nicki does raps outside of her Roman ego, but "Super Bass" is the very notable exception to this rule, as she doesn't need that flamboyant, in-your-face arrogance to make this song work. "Super Bass" is a pop song through and through, with the only difference being, obviously, that Nicki raps her verses. Everything about "Super Bass" is a pure joy to listen to; I know I certainly perk up whenever I hear the opening notes come on my iTunes. Sure, it's not the deepest, most intricate rap Nicki has ever done, but how can you argue with the authoritative way she boasts, "Somebody please tell 'em who the eff I is" or her annunciation on, "You're slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh!"? Nicki sells this song like the star that she is, making this the year we found a popstar in a hopeless place.

Half-Way Report for 2011

Top 5 Films

05. Source Code (Duncan Jones)

The tepid reviews really watered down any expectations, so I was surprised to find a fine mix of a great gimmick, intelligent action sequences and an achingly beautiful and unsentimental romance. Source Code had me under its spell the entire runtime, a spell that even a horribly botched ending couldn't completely break.

04. Scream 4 (Wes Craven)

Instead of phoning it in, Craven & Co. deliver another excellent installment in this horror franchise. Bonus points: will I have this much fun at another movie this year? I haven't been so giggly in a theatre since I saw Secretariat and my friend Sammi kept shouting "Oscar! Oscar!" at all of Diane Lane's big Moments.

03. Downton Abbey (Julian Fellowes)

Witty, absorbing and intelligent with a great ratio of serious and silly, Julian Fellowes' expansion of his Gosford Park was one of the most surprising things I've seen all year. And who says Masterpiece Theatre is only for old geezers?

02. Bridesmaids (Paul Feig)

This film had me at Kristen Wiig in raunchy female comedy. But who would have guessed just how funny and real it was going to be?!

01. Hanna (Joe Wright)

As you are all well aware, action films are not my favorite genre, but when you have an ace stylist like Joe Wright who knows how to construct images and scenes with a distinctive visual flair that don't feel gratuitous (unlike a certain other French Canadian director everyone is so crazy about), a bombastic score from The Chemical Brothers and a hard-as-nails lead performance from one of the only decent under 18 actors around, you have the very best film of the year so far. And I can't imagine not loving this by year end either.

Top 5 Performances

05. Michael Fassbender, Jane Eyre

Sex sex sex sex sex sex. He's practically dripping with testosterone and hard, angry lust in all of his best scenes in Jane Eyre.

04. Saoirse Ronan, Hanna

Who would have guessed that the same girl from Atonement would also be a total Ellen Ripley? Kudos to her for balancing the pathos with the ass-kicking.

03. Maya Rudolph, Bridesmaids

She obviously the straight woman to Wiig's whacked out nutiness, but she kills in her own comedic moments. Plus, Rudolph adds a touch of sweetness to the bawdy comedy surrounding her.

02. Dame Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Dame Maggie plays Dame Maggie here--a crusty old grandmother who won't stand for foolishness or foreign ideas--but no one does Dame Maggie like the legend herself. Her wonderful comedic timing ("What is a weekend?") punctuates and accentuates what could have been a dry melodrama.

01. Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

The fact that she plays a desperate, single maid of honor who can't hold a job, gets involved in sexual relationships with idiots who don't deserve her, likes to partaaaaaay and makes lots of penis jokes sounds like it was tailor-made for me. But, despite all the major (and deserved) guffaws, Wiig plays Annie with a sense of realness and legitimacy often ignored in comedies of this nature.

Top 5 Rentals

05. Europa Europa

A Holocaust film about survival from a different angle than you're accustomed to seeing. This one blew me away and not just because the male lead went full frontal in the first five minutes. (My review here)

04. Female

Without a doubt, the Pre-Code era was one of the most liberating for actresses. This film with Ruth Chatterton as a powerful CEO whose career is her life and men are just sexual playthings is one of the best from that period. It's not-so-subtle approach to sex will baffle audiences who think old films are all chaste and wholesome. (My review here)

03. The Last Command

Josef von Sternberg's tale of a former Russian general exiled in Hollywood as a silent film extra appears a tad farfetched on paper, especially when you consider that he begins work on a film directed by a Communist he personally sent to prison. Unbelievable or not, it's a great film, a fine example of the type of complex dramas Hollywood was able to crank out like clockwork in the Golden Age.

02. Billy Liar

Tom Courtenay is often forgotten among British New Wave heavies like Albert Finney and Richard Harris. A shame since many of his films and his performance hold up far better than any of Finney's (especially from this era). Billy Liar is a surprisingly funny and unself-conscious film for the period with Courtenay as our plucky hero, a working class chap who spends his days escaping his dreary existence through his own fantasy world. Julie Christie, of all actresses, lends support as his quirky and fun friend/possible love interest who encourages his fantasy.

01. The Prince and the Showgirl

This Laurence Olivier directed comedy about a stubborn, conceited prince (Olivier) and the vivacious, smarter-than-she-looks showgirl who falls for him (Marilyn Monroe) really should have been a disaster. The man who won an Oscar for Hamlet acting against Hollywood's most notorious "dumb blonde" bombshell? Get out of here. Somehow, by the grace of Oprah, it all came together in one of the most charming and funny romantic comedies of the 50's. Olivier is great playing the pompous cad, but Monroe is the real story here. Her umpteenth take on the showgirl role is one of the cleverest performances of her career, only outclassed by Some Like It Hot and The Misfits.

Top 5 Songs

05. Katy Perry "E.T."

An unusual but ultimately beautiful love song. Who would have guessed that after "I Kissed a Girl" Katy would have something like this in her?

04. Rihanna "Man Down"

The Rated R Era officially comes to an end with this reconciliation of that album's dark, violent imagery and the Loud Era's more commercial tendencies. The result is a brilliant synthesis of the two Rihanna polarities.

03. Eric Saade "Popular"

So gloriously over-the-top and manic how can you not love it?

02. Nicole Scherzinger "Don't Hold Your Breath"

My personal anthem for 2011. For serious.

01. Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

It has become my main goal in life to learn all the lyrics to this song. I'm getting pretty good, for a white guy, anyways, which is especially encouraging since this is one of Nicki's faster raps. Everything about this song is pure joy. I've listened to it 60+ times in just a month and a half and I haven't even come close to getting sick of it.

Top 5 Bonus Tracks, B-sides, Remixes & Other Assorted Non-Singles

05. Le Kid "Mr. Brightside"

The reason I don't dismiss every cover song on the planet is because of covers like this, a fun and bouncy reconfiguring of the Killers' big, somewhat dark pop anthem.

04. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls) (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

I'm not normally into remixes except in instances when they improve the original (and don't go on for 8 minutes at a time). Why Beyoncé hasn't done a full-blown dance album yet is beyond me.

03. Andrew Rannells "I Believe"

It's all about one lyric: "And I believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people (Black people!)"

02. Rihanna featuring Britney Spears "S&M (Remix)"

Slutty Britney is still my favorite Britney, so I can't tell you how excited I was to hear her inimitable voice moan out "Na na na come on" in the beginning. I know a lot of people either violently hated or shrugged their shoulders at this remix but not me. It's dumb and ridiculous and slutty and exactly the way a song called "S&M" should be.

01. Selena Gomez "Who Says (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

A vast improvement over the midtempo original. Why this wasn't done as a dancefloor inspirational jam in the first place beats the hell out of me.

Top 5 Albums

05. Alexis Jordan, Alexis Jordan

A fine debut from a rising star. Nothing especially groundbreaking but it has become a compulsively listenable album in the months since I first heard it.

04. Original Cast, The Book of Mormon (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

Everything you would expect from a Matt Stone and Trey Parker skewering of the Mormon religion and then some. Even non fans of South Park would get a kick out of this.

03. Same Difference, The Rest Is History

Everyone's favorite slightly incestuous brother-sister pop duo Same Difference is back and all grown up this time. The glorious key changes are ditched in favor of sleeker, sexier dance pop. A refreshing and worthy follow-up to their fantastic debut.

02. Selena Gomez & The Scene, When the Sun Goes Down

In the matter of 18 short months, Selena has gone from Disney's fourth largest commodity (after the Brothers Jonas, Miley & Demi, obviously) to one of the brightest beacons of hope for the future of pop music. One of the album's key tracks, the killer "Whiplash," was co-written by the Queen herself, Britney, and it almost looks like a way of her passing the torch and giving approval to her eventual successor...

01. Britney Spears, Femme Fatale

...That is if Britney was ready to go anywhere. Twelve years into her career and Britney only gets better, constantly surprising us with the directions she is taking her music.

Top 5 Music Videos

05. Rihanna "S&M"

Rihanna is not really a music video artist, which is a shame because it's an area she should be excelling in. "S&M" is one of her rare videos that deviates from the "I'm just gonna stand around and look pretty" norm. I love the bright colors of the mise-en-scène and the way Rihanna goes balls the wall with the S&M imagery. If it wasn't for the hyper kinetic editing which distracts more often than it should, I'd say it was her masterpiece.

04. Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out." As if Britney could be any more legendary. Has Britney ever had this much fun in a music video?

03. Hurts "Sunday"

A glorious reinterpretation of the Orpheus myth which builds on the well-established persona of Hurts as the most depressing, dapper duo in music today.

02. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

01. Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

I'm pretty sure I've said all I need to say about these two videos.

Top 5 Obsessions

05. Kylie Minogue's Discography
After Christmas, I randomly picked up a used copy of Kylie's Fever album and fell in love with it. Having such a major success with that one, I downloaded another. Yet again a corker, so I downloaded another. And the cycle went on and on until I had all of her studio albums in my possession. If anything, I'm grateful for this little jaunt of mine for making me realize the absolute brilliance that is "Your Disco Needs You" and, especially, "What Do I Have to Do".

04. Michael Fassbender in Jane Eyre and X-Men: First Class

He is the walking sex. I can't even. How did those actors get through their scenes without dropping their pants and bending over in front of him?

03. Brideshead Revisited

How did people watch miniseries before the invention of the DVD?  I don't know how I would have waited a week between installments of this popular British miniseries from 1981, starring Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews. I was like a carnivore as soon as that red Netflix envelope came in my mailbox, tearing it to shreads and rushing to put the DVD in the player. This series was so good, y'all, especially the first half with Andrews as the drole, alcoholic, guilt-ridden Sebasitan Flyte.

02. Tom Courtenay

I've become such an uber fan of Courtenay's in the past couple of months I watched Doctor fucking Zhivago again just for him and his Oscar nomination. Yes, I re-watched a bloody David Lean film for him. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

01. Random TLC Shows

Extreme Couponing. Toddlers & Tiaras. My Strange Addiction.  The best programming in all of television is on this channel. And to think I once dismissed TLC as the channel where every show is about midgets and obnoxiously large families.

Top 5 Hot Guys

(New/recent obsessions since this list would otherwise be all Michael Fassbender)

05. Marlon Teixeira

04. Eric Saade

03. Josh Hutcherson

02. Aaron Tveit

01. Armie Hammer

Top 5 Blog Posts

05. Dame Wears Black for Andy

I'm still in mourning.

04. Even My Grandma Thinks I'm Gonna Die Alone

In which even my lovely 84 year old grandma realizes that I am Liz Lemon.

03. Sex & Blue Valentine

My analysis of one sex scene that haunted me in Blue Valentine.

02. My Oscar Dream

Is this really how I'm gonna win my Oscar? Lord I hope so.

01. Top 10 Sonny With a Chance Moments

Goodbye, my beloved show. It was a great run while it lasted. Here's hoping the lovely cast finds much success afterwards (especially once this So Random! thing ends).

Good Luck, Eric Saade

I have no real interest in the Eurovision Contest, the finals of which are airing live as I write this. However, I will say that I am rooting for the Swedish entry from Eric Saade. The song is called 'Popular' and is both utterly ridiculous and utterly amazing.

I must admit I have a soft spot for the Irish entry from those enfants terribles Jedward, but it doesn't come close to my adoration of 'Popular.' The song is so simple yet there's something about it that makes me want to shout it at the top of my lungs every time I hear. It also doesn't hurt that Eric Saade is a gorgeous, gorgeous man.

So here's a good luck kiss from me to you, Eric (Well, it's not exactly me but we can pretend, can't we?). If Eric doesn't win, rest assured that the winning country will be burned down.