Random Top 10: Halloween Costumes I Considered This Year

I haven't really done anything for Halloween in roughly 5 years, but this year I've seriously considered dressing up. While none of these costumes struck my fancy, here are the top 10 people I really want to go as:

*Link courtesy of StinkyLulu

10. Bob Fosse Backup Dancer

I'd get to wear tight black pants and shirt, a black hat and get use jazz hands and all the moves in the above picture all night long...how perfect is that?

9. Miss Jay

Miss Jay (of America's Next Top Model fame) confuses the hell out of me--he/she should appear on one of those "Is it a man or a woman?" episodes of Maury--so it would be fun to wear male clothing and then put on makeup and do my hair all funky.

8. TomKat (+ Suri)

I would need a partner to do this one with. Tom would be normal, but Katie would have to be attached to Tom by a chain of some sort. And then Katie would have to hold a baby doll, pretending it was Suri, and then cover it up so no one can see it.

7. Dame Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth

It has to be Dame Judi's interpretation of the Queen, because she is the most fun and divalicious. The only problem with this costume is that it might be a tad over the top.

6. Britney Spears (either as a mom or at the VMA's this year)

To be Britney the mother, basically I would hold a baby doll with one hand at the weirdest and worst angles (possibly by a foot or something) and sipping a Starbucks drink in the other hand. To be Britney at the VMA's, I need to wear something whorish, put on a really bad blonde wig and then dance around all dazed and confused.

5. Pregnant Nun

I think the above picture says it all.

4. Sgt. Dignam

This is an easy one for me. Shirt and tie, smart ass attitude and say "fuck" every other word. Hell, except for the shirt and tie, this is me everyday.

3. Link Larkin

How cute would I be with the Link curl in my hair and a cute little cardigan sweater?

2. Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal)

I just want to have a reason to run around screaming "Here I am" at the top of my lungs, and by going as Sheba Hart (with the running mascara) I would get that opportunity.

1. Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford

I've been thinking about this costume for awhile and I think this will be the winner. I'm going to pull my hair back with a head band, have someone draw on exaggerated eyebrows, carry around a wire hanger and speak loudly with a rising intonation. Now this is a scary costume.

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Actress

And the nominees are...

Penelope Cruz, Volver

Cruz came out of nowhere with the alternatively sweet, funny and emotionally charged performance that holds nothing back.

Key Scene: Discovering What Her Daughter Did

Dame Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal

No one does intimidating as well as Dame Judi, but her performance as Barbara Covett goes beyond intimidating and becomes scary in a way I've only seen in one other brilliant performance: Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction

Key Scene: "You're not young anymore"

Dame Helen Mirren, The Queen

Dame Helen somehow manages to humanize an icy queen without using cheap sympathy tricks and remaining as stoic as possible...flat out incredible.

Key Scene: Receiving the Little Girl's Flowers

Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page

Mol is having the time of her life with this role and it shows in her performance. She lets us understand a person that most people dismiss as a porn star and does it ever so beautifully.

Key Scene: Any of the Bondage Clips...they're all a delight

Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Streep takes a one-note character and turns her into a human being. Sure she's a perfectionist, monster bitch and a diva in the extreme, but there's something that drove her to be that way and Streep brilliantly conveys that.

Key Scene: The "Throwing the Coats on Andrea's Desk" Montage

If Only There Were Six: Naomi Watts, The Painted Veil: not quite 21 Grams, but she is emotionally compelling and utterly believable

Rest of the Top 10: Kate Winslet, Little Children: a desperate housewife who is truly desperate and she delivers yet another brilliant performance...Annette Bening, Running With Scissors: she's a diva, but it's in her quieter moments that she nearly steals the film...Natalie Portman, V For Vendetta: went through hell for this role and it was all worth it because this performance is fantastic...Sook-Yin Lee, Shortbus: the emotional center of the film

BRONZE
Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page
SILVER
Dame Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
GOLD
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Adapted Screenplay

And the nominees are...

Bill Condon, Dreamgirls

It always fascinating to see an adaptation of a Broadway work and wonder what it must have looked like on the stage because the film doesn't look like it would fit on a stage. Condon does just that...and makes it look easy.

Todd Field, Tom Perrotta, Little Children

The film is highly literate, but not so stuffy and filled with superlative dialogue that it's hard to get involved in.

Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal

The most intelligent camp script I have ever seen in my life. Marber deserves more credit than he receives for making this film so over the top and, yet, grounded in reality.

William Monahan, The Departed

Every word of dialogue is true and beliveable and, even at 2 1/2 hours, I don't think any of the scenes could have been cut.

Ron Nyswaner, The Painted Veil

Nyswaner's updating of the Maugham novella manages to keep both the relationship issues on the same footing with the exotic location.

Runners Up: Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski, V For Vendetta...Jason Reitman, Thank You For Smoking...Christoper Nolan and Jonathon Nolan, The Prestige

BRONZE
Bill Condon, Dreamgirls
SILVER
Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal
GOLD
William Monahan, The Departed

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Scene

And the nominees are...

Borat: Naked Fight

This shouldn't have been so funny, but I laughed really hard throughout this entire scene and nearly peed myself.

Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

I applauded. I shouted. I almost cried tears of joy. J. Hud sings the hell out of this song and, consequently, became an Oscar winner.

Little Miss Sunshine: The Dance

Even doing the raunchiest dance moves, Breslin is still so damn cute. How is this possible?

Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation

Blanchett with mascara running down from her eyes, a couple of bitch slaps, that "Virginia bloody Woolf" line and, of course, "HERE I AM!"- it's damn hard to top this soon-to-be classic camp moment.

United 93: Fighting Back

The movie was kind of slow until this edge-of-your-seat ending. It takes a lot of skill to make a scene this suspenseful when you know the ending already.

Runners Up: Marie Antoinette: Marie's Arrival at the Palace- I gasped out loud at the visual splendor of this moment; all the elements together like a rich, detailed painting...Jesus Camp: Heil Bush- So scary I nearly shat myself...Happy Feet: Mumble's Birth/First Tap Dance- I went "awww" about 53 times in this scene alone

BROZNE
United 93: Fighting Back
SILVER
Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation
GOLD
Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Quote/Line Reading

And the nominees are...

"Here I am!" ~Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal

Blanchett's battle cry to the vicious vultures surrounding her during a major personal crisis is one of the most hilarious camp moments since Faye Dunaway uttered "Tina, bring me the axe!" in Mommie Dearest and is the perfect way to end such a high-strung scene.

"Is she a sphinx, or simply stupid?" ~Dame Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal

I'm not sure why I love this quote so much, but Dame Judi's early size-up of Blanchett's Sheba is one of the quotes I immediately think about when I think about this movie.

"It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? ‘Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.’ So why am I sitting here without so much as a B side on a 45 when an amateur like Martin Luther King Jr. gets his own album? I mean, can he even sing?" ~Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Diva-riffic to the extreme and the precise moment when I fell in love with J. Hud's Effie White. It takes a real diva to complain about MLK like that.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself." ~Mark Wahlberg in The Departed

Wahlberg's effective scene-stealing in The Departed doesn't get any better than this foul-mouthed quip.

"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" ~Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane

I was shaking in anticipation of this line and, when it finally came, I laughed and applauded like I had never done before. Samuel L. Jackson’s delivery lived up to the hype and makes it an instant classic.

Runners Up: I loved Matt Damon's assholian response of "Qui gives a shit" to Alec Baldwin's "Qui bono" in The Departed so much that I wish I could say it more often...Annette Bening's "I need high ceilings" in Running With Scissors is one of this beautiful disaster's shining moments...Just the way Frances McDormand coughed out "Asshole" to that douchebag driver in the farmer's market in Friends With Money had me laughing for like two minutes straight. Brilliant.

BRONZE

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself."

SILVER

"Here I am!"

GOLD

"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Rants on "Notes on a Scandal"

I don't know how I missed this one in theaters, but when Notes on a Scandal came out on DVD a couple of weeks ago, I quickly rented it to see for myself just how campy and trash-tastic it was made out to be. Don't worry- I wasn't disappointed and neither will you. Notes is definitely campy but it's actually a pretty well made film that rises above the cliched plot that could have hindered it.

Dame Judi Dench is brilliant as lonely spinster teacher Barbara Covett. If you thought Dench couldn't be any more intimidating than she was in Casino Royale and Pride & Prejudice, you would be dead wrong. Just look at this shot from the beginning of the film where she stares down her students after the bell rings and they start leaving without being dismissed.


Chilly. I'm scared just looking at it. Imagine being one of those students and having someone like the Dame as your teacher. I think I just peed my pants.

A new teacher named Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett) is introduced to the staff and at first Barbara can't figure her out. One of the best lines in the film is when she writes in her diary, "Is she a sphinx, or simply stupid." Barbara is perplexed by her and it seems that she wants to find out more about her. So when Sheba invites Barbara over to her house for lunch and Sheba starts spilling her guts out (as, when Barbara puts it, women of her class are prone to do) Barbara sinks her claws in.

Soon, Barbara uncovers a dark secret of Sheba's: she is having an affair with a 15-year old student. At first Barbara is hurt that Sheba wouldn't confide this to her, but she soon realizes that she basically owns Sheba now. Out of "friendship", Barbara keeps this secret to herself, but insists that Sheba ends the affair.

Naturally, the affair doesn't end and, feeling betrayed, Barbara is forced to unearth this scandal, leading to an explosive, camp-tastic finale. This is where Blanchett as Sheba finally comes alive, applying thick, dark eyeliner, smacking Barbara around and finally releasing that battle cry of "HERE I AM!" It's a golden moment and one of the most memorable of 2006.



Dench is brilliant and Blanchett, while not as good, is clearly having a ball and deserves major camp kudos for her confrontation of Barbara. Notes on a Scandal is not a great film in the manner of Brokeback Mountain or The Departed, but it is one hell of a good time and one of the most interesting movies of 2006.

My Rating: **** 1/2