The Worst Films and Performances of 2008

With the Oscars less than ten minutes away, I thought it was appropriate to honor the worst of the year before we spend all night talking about the best. Of the 86 films I've seen so far in 2008, here are the stinkiest films and performances.

The 10 Worst Films:

10. Tell No One (Guillaume Canet)
This so-called "Hitchcockian" thriller has none of the humor, interesting plot twists or thrilling, ambiguous villains that comprised some of Hitch's best work. Instead, all we get are some dumb clichés, an annoying lead and a 10 minute explanation of the whole film that is entirely false.
9. Frost/Nixon (Ron Howard)
What a complete waste of time. Ron, just because you have a good play and actors who have done these roles 100 times before doesn't mean you can just sit back and let the cameras roll for two hours.
8. 21 (Robert Luketic)
I knew the exact trajectory of the main character (played her by Jim Sturgess) from the first five minutes. The rest of the film didn't make me want to stick around.
7. Changeling (Clint Eastwood)
On the plus side, Changeling gives you more for your dollar (always a good thing during this recession) since there are six separate stories packed into one film. On the negative side, none of them are any good.
6. Mamma Mia! (Phyllida Lloyd)
I believe I've already said enough on this movie in the above review, so I'll leave you with a thought from my friend Christi, "ABBA should sue them for ruining their songs." She is so right.
5. Untraceable (Gregory Hoblit)
Diane Lane, you deserve much better than this lame "thriller" that was nothing more than a complete waste of time. I seriously can't remember a thing about this movie besides Lane and Joseph Cross.
4. Jumper (Doug Liman)
Jamie Bell and Rachel Bilson, you both deserve much better than this lame "action" movie and playing second fiddle to the incomparably bad Hayden Christensen.
3. Camp Rock (Matthew Diamond)
I honestly wasn't expecting much from Disney's latest made-for-TV movie, but this was so bad it made High School Musical look like Chicago. As I mentioned in the review, Vanessa Hudgens could have showed up and I would have been grateful for it.
2. Prom Night (Nelson McCormick)
One of the funniest movies of the year. Too bad it was supposed to be a horror movie.
1. The Wackness (Jonathan Levine)
I've racked my brain for awhile and I honestly can not think of one even slightly redeeming factor in this movie. Of the other movies I gave an F to, Camp Rock at least had those slightly amusing bickering scenes between Nick and Kevin and Prom Night had Brittany Snow and a couple of good laughs, but The Wackness has absolutely nothing. The overly quirky and "street" dialogue assaulted my ears like the Blitzkrieg, Ben Kingsley's overacting made me want to die everytime he tried to be hip and funny and the film's depiction of a teenager's sexual awakening was both overly pretentious and boorish.

The Worst Performances:

Worst Actor
Hayden Christensen, Jumper
---How do you make me hate you from the opening monologue?
Joe Jonas, Camp Rock
---You would think that as soon as they filmed that first scene in the limosine, where Joe can't even put the right emphasis on any of the lines, that the producers would have realized they picked the wrong Jonas Brother to star in this film.
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
---I will give him the benefit of the doubt on some of the dialogue because he was given some truly awful, but some of those facial expressions (especially during the scene where he first meets Bella in the science classroom) were hilarious when they should have been serious and/or scary.

The Loser:
Hayden Christensen

Worst Actress
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
---You would think that after three films with the same character, she would finally learn how to not embarrass herself; you thought wrong. This is just as atrocious as anything in the first two films.
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
---An Oscar nomination for this phoned-in performance?! That is, if you call repeating the same three lines (all containing the phrase "MY son" in them) over and over again and smashing a plate against the wall.
Meryl Streep, Mamma Mia!
---The worst performance I've ever seen from the great Meryl. I've never seen her overact that much.

The Loser:
Meryl Streep

Worst Supporting Actor
Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!
---Normally, when you cast a musical, you cast someone who can sing. Apparently someone missed this memo.
Colin Firth, Then She Found Me
---Not necessarily bad, but he's in a completely different film from Helen, Bette and Matthew.
Ben Kingsley, The Wackness
---This guy has an Oscar? What the hell?
Diego Luna, Milk
---He stands out among the cast. Unfortunately, it's not in a good way.
T.J. Miller, Cloverfield
---Shut the fuck up already and get eaten by that monster.

The Loser:
Ben Kingsley

Worst Supporting Actress
Malin Akerman, 27 Dresses
---Akerman was given a prime role (bitchy, whiny younger sister) in this slightly above average rom com and she completely ruins it. Over the top and just plain annoying.
Monique Coleman, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
---I never noticed before HSM3, but Coleman is quite an awful actress, isn't she? She only has a couple of lines and yet she completely butchers all of them.
Meghan Jette Martin, Camp Rock
---Also given a prime role (the "Regina George" of Camp Rock) and completely ruins. Makes all the wrong choices comedically and her "crying" scene is atrocious.
Thandie Newton, W.
---It's so out there and different from the rest of the ensemble that I'm not sure if it's the worst performance I've ever seen or a whole new way of acting being born.
Dame Julie Walters, Mamma Mia!
---Oh my God, the Wicked Witch of the West has come back to life! Run for your life! Argh, that cackle will haunt my dreams forever!

The Loser:
Dame Julie Walters

Don't You Wish You Were as Amazing as Meryl Streep?

Everyone, take notes. This is how you give an acceptance speech.

I hope, in my lifetime, Meryl wins another Oscar so I can see her give a speech this delightfully bonkers. And shouldn't everyone be allowed to kiss Ralph Fiennes on the mouth after winning any award?

Rants on Mamma Mia!

When I saw the stage version of Mamma Mia! a few months ago, I completely hated it. The show was the epitome of the cheesy, cornball, lets-stop-everything-and-sing type of thing I hate. The only semi-redeeming factor was the ABBA music, but, let's face it, wouldn't it have been more productive if you saved your money and listened to ABBA Gold a few more times at home? When I came home after the show and thought about it, I figured that the upcoming film version of Mamma Mia! could improve on the show--and even if it didn't, Meryl Streep was in the cast. There's no way she's ever done anything not worthwhile, right? Unfortunately for Mamma Mia! (Phyllida Lloyd, 2008), instead of a film-appropriate script, confident direction and actors who understand the material well enough to make us forget the implausibility of people breaking out into song dance, all we get is Pierce Brosnan shouting through "S.O.S."

The script is a little more polished from the lackluster stage version, but the integration of the songs into the plot is middling, at best. As a way to sneak in at least two more ABBA songs, they have Streep, Christine Baranski and Julie Walters perform as Donna and the Dynamos, a girl group the trio had in the 70's which has no bearing on the story whatsoever. Not that there's much story to speak of. Mamma Mia! is basically composed of ABBA musical videos strung together by the vaguest of plots that the writers ignore three-quarters of the time. How is it logical that in one scene Dominic Cooper's character isn't sure he wants to marry Amanda Seyfried anymore when she admits she's trying to find her father and the next time we see him, it's the wedding and all is apparently forgiven without a scene explaining his change of heart?

One of the most frustrating things about Mamma Mia! is the choreography (or lack thereof). I think I understand what Lloyd was trying to accomplish in making the dancing look as realistic and non-flashy as possible, but it's completely inappropriate for the film and downright laughable at certain times. When I saw the credits, I couldn't believe someone actually wanted credit for the embarrassing mess that was occurring up on the big screen. It's pretty sad when your big showstopper, dancing wise, is the "Dancing Queen" number which consists of Meryl Streep and a chorus of 50+ women doing dance moves that would be considered second-rate in a high school production. The majority of the choreography consists of the actors strutting, jumping and doing something as obvious as holding up a finger while singing "feeling like a number one" during "Super Trouper." Fucking brilliant. Want to know when I came up with that dance move? When I was 11 and dancing to "...Baby One More Time" by myself in my room.

Meryl Streep, whom I rightly consider the greatest actress of our time, gives the worst performance I've ever seen from her. I never knew she could sink this low into the realm of the shitty. In The Devil Wears Prada, Streep took a cartoonish character and made her human-- she was a major bitch, but still seemed like a boss from hell we've all had. Here, she overacts in nearly every scene and, especially during the scene on the dock when she greets Baranski and Walters, I wanted to shout out in the middle of the theater, "Reel it in, Meryl!" The people who think Streep should be nominated for a Golden Globe (and even win in some cases!) for this travesty-- for showing her "light" and "fun" side-- make me question that we were watching the same film. Giving her a nomination for this film would be the equivalent of giving one to Joan Crawford for one of her low budget freak show movies she made towards the end of her career like Beserk! or Trog.

The rest of the cast, barring the lovely Amanda Seyfried who somehow remains unscathed, isn't much better than Streep. Pierce Brosnan, especially, takes a massive beating. At least Meryl can sing and does wonders with "Mamma Mia" and parts of "The Winner Takes it All"; Brosnan shouts through "S.O.S." and warbles through "When All Is Said and Done" in the same two-note (if he's lucky) range. Stellan Skarsgard just looks uncomfortable and out of place. Walters cackles like the Wicked Witch of the West throughout most of the film. Britney Spears' infamous pink wig looked more natural than the atrocious brown pile of fur on Baranski's head (hairpiece aside, Baranski is probably the most fun of the adults and her savage take on "Does Your Mother Know" is one of the best parts of the film). I like Colin Firth as much as the next guy, but seeing him have his clothes torn off by horny 20 year old girls during "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight" and then watching him proclaim his love for one of the 20 year old Greek bachelors as subtly as Jack McFarland is a tad off-putting. Dominic Cooper, I must admit, is easy on the eyes, but everything about the role (from the amount of time he spends shirtless to his gooey dialogue) reeks of the shameless.

Phyllida Lloyd's direction lacks any imagination whatsoever. Most of the stagings are straight from the play and the few that do differ aren't anything groundbreaking. It probably would have been slightly more interesting to shoot everything in a long shot (like we're watching a stage show) than Lloyd's slavishly dull combination of long shot/close up/slight pan repeated over and over again. I was afraid this was going to happen after the Susan Stroman debacle with The Producers and, unfortunately, I was proven wrong. Lloyd assumes that, like the stage show did, the music of ABBA will make you forget the mess that's going on around those wonderful tunes. And, for most, they did. To me, however, there's no way that even music as great as ABBA's will make up for something as lazy and trashy as this film. D

Rants on "Across the Universe" and "Rendition"

Across the Universe (Julie Taymor, 2007): I'm not going to deny the fact that the musical sequences in Across the Universe are a visual splendor for the eyes, because they are. My main problem with them is the fact is that there is no substance behind all the stylization- they are just unusual for the sake of being unusual. Take, for example, the scene in the bowling alley where Jude (Jim Sturgess) sings "I've Just Seen a Face." There are really quick shots of people throwing bowling balls one right after another, bright neon colors flashing for no reason and people sliding the alley lanes that don't really connect to each other or to the song. The only shot I did particularly enjoy was the 5 second shot in which Jude lies on his back and slides down the alley, because it captured what the song was about- him falling head over heels in love with Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood) and not caring.

In those rare instances when the music sequence starts off brilliant, Taymor often fucks it up somewhere towards the middle and makes it less powerful. Overall, "Strawberry Fields Forever" is the best number in the film- the parallels she draws between the strawberries, the song and the Vietnam War are lovely and the image of the strawberries nailed on the wall is just beautiful. But then, as if she doesn't trust in her own ability, she hits us over the head with a sledgehammer to try the ram the point in. She bombards us with loud explosions and chaotic images of a battle field that are a touch too obvious. "Hey Jude" also starts off great, but lost me at the point where the street urchins crowd around Jude and start sing the "Na na na na na na, hey Jude" part.

And don't even get me started about how God-awful the story is. Jude and Lucy fall in love way too quickly and everything afterwards is about as cliched as The Notebook. The rest of the characters hardly even matter in the course of the film and poor lezzie bo-bo Prudence could have been written out completely with absolutely no impact on the story. Evan Rachel Wood is merely adequate as Lucy and her voice is average, at best (although "It Won't Be Long" is kinda awful) while Jim Sturgess is a bit better but still not amazing.


Rendition (Gavin Hood, 2007): I hate how most of the positive reviews for this film (which are, admittedly, few and far between) proclaim that if you don't like this movie you must be a Conservative torch-wielding, pro-torture freak. Well, I consider myself a staunch Liberal and believe torturing people is wrong (duh) and I still thought this movie sucked. The main problem with Rendition is the simplistic script by Kelley Sane reveals to us that "torture is bad" (which most people knew before heading into this movie) without delving any deeper than the surface level of the issue. The way the story is strung together is reminiscent of Babel (not a good thing) and most of it is two-dimensional twaddle: the worried wife at home (Reese Witherspoon), the conflicted CIA agent (Jake Gyllenhaal), the bitchy, two-faced Washington official (Meryl Streep), the Senator's aide who has to decide whether to do the right thing or play the Washington game (Peter Sarsgaard) and the pro-torture Arab monster (Yigal Naor). Plus, as further distractions, there's this weird love story between Yigal Naor's daughter Fatima and a young, Islamic terrorist that sticks out like a sore thumb and offers the most unnecessary mindfuck I've ever witnessed in a film. Gavin Hood's direction is competent but doesn't reveal anything we haven't seen anything before. In my opinion, the most disappointing thing about this film is the weak performances from the lead cast. Generally, a cast including Gyllenhaal, Witherspoon, Sarsgaard and especially Meryl Streep would have knocked this out of the ball park, but, in the end, the two-dimensional characters and lack of anything interesting for them to do (Witherspoon mostly sits and looks worried, Gyllenhaal looks conflicted and Streep basically reprises Miranda Priestley) gets in the way. The only things I did like were the two minutes where, in separate scenes, Jake Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard learn not to fuck with Meryl Streep because she will cut you down to size and the part where Reese Witherspoon screams "Tell me he's okaaaay!" all melodramatically because it made me giggle.

My Ratings:
Across the Universe: **
Rendition: ** 1/2

Random Top 10: Films I'm Most Excited to See This Fall

Now that the summer is over and my Hairspray fanaticism has died down a bit, it's time for my favorite part of the year: Oscar Season. Over the next four months we get bombarded with intelligent, well-made pictures all fighting it out to win the Oscar next year. Since there are so many great films coming out this fall, I wanted to share which ones I'm most excited for. Here we go:

10. There Will Be Blood (Paul Thomas Anderson) Comes out December 26th

I love Paul Thomas Anderson's films. He's only made three films (Boogie Nights, Magnolia and Punch Drunk Love) but they are all really great. Hopefully, his new film There Will Be Blood won't be the exception. Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano play a father and son going through some serious family issues in turn-of-the-century Texas. And since Day-Lewis plays an oil prospector, maybe there will be some sort of commentary about the situation today.

9. Sweeney Todd (Tim Burton) Comes out December 21st

Since this is a musical, it probably should be a little higher on my list, but there are a couple of reasons why: 1. I'm not familiar with the show. I know the premise and gimmick and everything, but I don't know the score or anything. 2. I'm not a huge Sondheim fan. I know that's practically blasphemy but there are some of his songs that just don't impress me. These reasons won't stop me from seeing it, however.

8. Lust, Caution (Ang Lee) Comes out September 28th

After Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Brokeback Mountain, I am a big Ang Lee fan. Is there nothing this man can't tackle? Now he's moving on with this sexy spy thriller set in WWII-era Shanghai. It sounds really good, but what really has me intrigued is the NC-17 rating it received.

7. The Savages (Tamara Jenkins) Comes out December 26th

I love dysfunctional family dramedies and The Savages appears to be the best one coming out this fall. Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman star as brother and sister caring for their ailing father.

6. The Brave One (Neil Jordan) Comes out September 14th

Jodie Foster is always a joy to watch and with an awesome director (Neil Jordan, who did the amazing The Crying Game) and that great trailer, this one will be hard to miss.

5. Leatherheads (George Clooney) Comes out December 7th

Three Reasons: 1. I love anything dealing with the 1920's- such a fantastic period in history. 2. George Clooney hasn't disappointed me as a director 3. John Krasinski + vintage 1920's 3-piece suits = my ass in the seat

4. American Gangster (Ridley Scott) Comes out November 2nd

I loved The Departed and if this is even half as good as that film, it will still be worth the admission. Plus, these posters are just kick ass.

3. Atonement (Joe Wright) Comes out December 7th

I couldn't get through the book, but I'm betting that director Joe Wright, Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast will make this one a can't miss.

2. Rendition (Gavin Hood) Comes out October 19th

Jake Gyllenhaal. Reese Witherspoon. Meryl Streep. Peter Sarsgaard. Alan Arkin. What more do I have to say?

1. I'm Not There (Todd Haynes) Comes out November 21st

I've already ranted on this film before, but I'm still super excited about this film. I'm not completely sure why, but I think it has something to do with Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale and Richard Gere playing Bob Dylan in the same film that's got me hooked. Plus, this trailer is amazing.

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Actress

And the nominees are...

Penelope Cruz, Volver

Cruz came out of nowhere with the alternatively sweet, funny and emotionally charged performance that holds nothing back.

Key Scene: Discovering What Her Daughter Did

Dame Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal

No one does intimidating as well as Dame Judi, but her performance as Barbara Covett goes beyond intimidating and becomes scary in a way I've only seen in one other brilliant performance: Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction

Key Scene: "You're not young anymore"

Dame Helen Mirren, The Queen

Dame Helen somehow manages to humanize an icy queen without using cheap sympathy tricks and remaining as stoic as possible...flat out incredible.

Key Scene: Receiving the Little Girl's Flowers

Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page

Mol is having the time of her life with this role and it shows in her performance. She lets us understand a person that most people dismiss as a porn star and does it ever so beautifully.

Key Scene: Any of the Bondage Clips...they're all a delight

Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Streep takes a one-note character and turns her into a human being. Sure she's a perfectionist, monster bitch and a diva in the extreme, but there's something that drove her to be that way and Streep brilliantly conveys that.

Key Scene: The "Throwing the Coats on Andrea's Desk" Montage

If Only There Were Six: Naomi Watts, The Painted Veil: not quite 21 Grams, but she is emotionally compelling and utterly believable

Rest of the Top 10: Kate Winslet, Little Children: a desperate housewife who is truly desperate and she delivers yet another brilliant performance...Annette Bening, Running With Scissors: she's a diva, but it's in her quieter moments that she nearly steals the film...Natalie Portman, V For Vendetta: went through hell for this role and it was all worth it because this performance is fantastic...Sook-Yin Lee, Shortbus: the emotional center of the film

BRONZE
Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page
SILVER
Dame Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
GOLD
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Diva

And the nominees are...

Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette

In this environment of scrumptous food, fabulous gowns and to-die-for shoes, there's no doubt that Marie Antoinette would have been a major diva bitch and Kiki Dunst fits that mold perfectly.

Jennifer Hudson as Effie White in Dreamgirls

My girl Effie is a diva after my own heart (before she's even famous, she turns down a paying gig becuase she "don't do 'oohs' and 'aahs'.") and that MLK line will never get old.

Frances McDormand as Jane in Friends With Money

McDormand's Jane feels like a lot of the divas I personally know (my mother, my friend Christi's mother and grammy) when she grumbles about the awful service in that restaurant.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada

She scares to shit out of everyone and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. I wanted to sign up for the "Miranda Priestly School of Bitchiness" the minute she first evily glared at Anne Hathaway's Andy.

Mark Wahlberg as Sgt. Dignam in The Departed

He steals scenes better than anyone I've ever seen and the way he is such an asshole to everyone (love that "Don't you know any fucking Shakespeare?" line to DiCaprio in the beginning) is a lesson for every diva in training.

Runners Up: Annette Bening brought her whole diva aura to Running With Scissors and made it a much better film than it should have...Fiona Shaw was so over-the-top in The Black Dahlia and, consequently, so hilarious, that she almost made Faye Dunaway's Joan Crawford seem subtle...Julianne Moore made a real diva entrance like the true pro that she is in Children of Men.

BRONZE
Mark Wahlberg
SILVER
Jennifer Hudson
GOLD
Meryl Streep

Short Rants

Well, I’m back from my refreshing Spring Break and am ready to get started on some new things for my blog. For now, here are some short rants about a few older movies I caught on break. Enjoy!

ALL RATINGS ARE OUT OF 5 STARS

Yentl (1983, dir. Barbra Streisand) Who said that the musical as a film genre died with Fosse’s Cabaret? Babs’ directorial debut is certainly something to behold and is truly one of the milestones in film musicals. Her uncompromising attitude all while bringing this project to this screen shows in every frame that is lovingly put together. Babs does a fantastic job in the lead as the Jewish girl Yentl who, after her father’s death, poses as a boy and goes off to study at a Hebrew school in which girls are forbidden. Yentl wisely avoids most of the comedic situations that could be exploited from now until kingdom come with only the wedding night scene coming to mind presently. While not a feel-good, escapist musical, Yentl has fantastic music and is further proof that Barbra is a much needed voice in American filmmaking. *****

The More the Merrier (1943, dir. George Stevens) This was the biggest disappointment of the movies I watched during Break. Set during World War II Washington, D.C. where a housing shortage cripples the city, Jean Arthur rents half of her apartment to Charles Coburn- who in turn rents half of his room to a swoon-worthy Joel McCrea. The first half of the film contains some of the funniest moments I’ve seen in a long time (Arthur describing the morning routine with Coburn, McCrea’s entrance) and looked to be Arthur’s paramount performance, but it comes to a screeching halt somewhere around the middle and becomes a terrible wartime melodrama. It got so bad I wanted to bitch slap Jean Arthur (whom I love dearly) for crying the last ten minutes straight. Jean Arthur received her only Oscar nomination for this film and Charles Coburn won his only Oscar for Best Supporting Actor and I can’t see why because they have both done better work. *** ½

Silkwood (1983, dir. Mike Nichols) Basically, it’s Norma Rae meets The China Syndrome with the ever-fabulous Meryl Streep transforming into Karen Silkwood, an uneducated nuclear plant worker who blows the whistle on the plant’s harmful practices with plutonium. Definitely watchable with fantastic performances from Streep and Cher as her lesbian roommate, but overly familiar *** ½

Witness For the Prosecution (1957, dir. Billy Wilder) This has got to be one of the finest courtroom dramas I have ever seen (up there with Inherit the Wind). Charles Laughton plays an English barrister recovering from a heart attack who takes on the case of Leonard Vole (a surprisingly solid Tyrone Power) who is accused of murdering his older lady friend for her money. His wife Christine (a fabulous Marlene Dietrich in one of her best later roles) proves to be the key witness in the case and could send him to the gallows. What I love most about Witness is that just when you think everything has been wrapped up nicely in a neat package, it is all shot to hell and one surprise comes after another. I also enjoyed the hilarious banter between off-screen couple Laughton and Elsa Lanchester (aka the Bride of Frankenstein) as his meddling nurse trying to get him to rest. **** ½

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001, dir. John Cameron Mitchell) After recently viewing Mitchell’s Shortbus, I quickly went and watched Hedwig. Although not as great or transfixing as Shortbus, Hedwig certainly has many things to admire. John Cameron Mitchell’s lead performance as the East German transsexual is one of the best pieces of acting I have encountered in quite awhile. He is totally transfixing and makes the film that much better. The music was also quite amazing and fit in interestingly with what was going on in the story. The only drawback was the ending which I felt was a little too ambiguous and alienating. ****

Murder On the Orient Express (1974, dir. Sidney Lumet) I had to see this movie based solely on its A-list cast: Albert Finney, Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman, John Gielgud, Sean Connery, Anthony Perkins, Vanessa Redgrave, Wendy Hiller and Rachel Roberts- how could you not want to see this? Unfortunately, the film is not the Altman-esque ensemble piece that I expected. Most of the actors and actresses are wasted in the tiny ass roles they are given and the only standout is Anthony Perkins’ twitchy, Norman Bates-lite performance as the dead man’s secretary. The whole thing is a contrived piece of crap that is only worth watching for the cameos (however little they satisfy). And how the hell did the fabulous Ingrid Bergman win a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her insipid and just plain annoying Bible-spouting nanny who helps all the “black babies” in Africa? **