American Idol Recap: Top 13

Theme: Michael Jackson

For the sake of trying something new, I decided to organize this week's performances in different categories each named after a certain Paula-ism that I'm sure any American Idol fan is well acquainted with.

"Touchdown!"
Really ecstatic

Allison Iraheta "Give in to Me" The best performance of the night, in my humble opinion. She totally transformed the song to the point that I never would have guessed in a million years Michael Jackson sang it originally. Does AI finally have their first legitimate rocker chick? It's looking good for her.

Kris Allen "Remember the Time" Yay! I'm so glad "Man in the Mirror" wasn't a total fluke and Kris got the chance to show us what he's really made of. Excellent song choice and quite a nice performance. This kid is going places.

Alexis Grace "Dirty Diana" Did she oversing? Maybe, but it was nowhere near as bad as Adam Lambert (more on him later). Like Allison, by the end of the song, I barely recognized it as a Michael Jackson song. I'm still not sure why the judges weren't crazy about it.

Paula Clap
Quite good

Matt Giraud "Human Nature" I feel an obligation to represent my city (K-zoo!), even when he was bad ("Viva la Vida" anyone?) but this was actually an excellent performance that reminded us why we loved him during Hollywood Week..

Lil Rounds "The Way You Make Me Feel" She hasn't blown me away yet (she's more of a LaKisha then a Melinda Doolittle in that respect) but she's totally on the verge of doing it. With the right song, Lil could completely dominate this season methinks.

Megan Joy Corkrey "Rockin' Robin" I admit that I love the silliness of the song choice and I think she did a lot more with it than she really had to. I'm still not completely sold on her, but this performance is edging me closer to her side.

Dancing in My Seat
No one ever said it took much to get Paula on her feet

Anoop "Beat It" In theory, this sounds like the perfect song for the loveable, crowd-pleasing Anoop, but something was missing last night. The song sounded like ordinary karaoke anyone could have done while slightly drunk at the bar. I haven't given up on him yet, but I'm starting to think that maybe "My Prerogative" was a fluke.

Adam Lambert "Black and White" Just shut up already! I have had it up to here with your incessant shrieking that you call singing and your over-the-top theatrics.

Danny Gokey "Pretty Young Thing (P.Y.T.)" You too! Please just crawl in a hole and go far, far away from AI land. We get it, your wife died- you're still not as great as people (and you) think you are.

"Well, You Look Beautiful..."
It's never good when she starts with this

Michael Sarver "You Are Not Alone" Totally forgettable. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet and I really can't remember anything about this performance. He seems like a nice guy, but the talent is just not there.

Jasmine Murray "I'll Be There" Newsflash: Mariah Carey did a version of this song in 1993. This means that no singer who could be considered an R&B "diva" should ever touch this song. You will never even come close.

Jorge Nunez "Never Can Say Goodbye" I have no idea what anyone could possibly see in this guy. His singing is mediocre at best, he doesn't look like a superstar and he seems about as relevant as Enrique Iglesias. Oh wait, he cried on camera so that makes him a good guy. Excuse me while I barf.

Scott MacIntyre "Some Inspiration Dreck Because That's All He Can Sing" I hate to sound insensitive (wait, that's a lie), but this isn't American Idol: Special Olympics Edition. It's great that he's overcome adversity to achieve his dream blah blah blah, but that still doesn't mean he's a great singer. If he could actually see, Scott never would have made it out of the Top 36 (if he even got that far). America, sometimes you need to get over the sob story and start voting for people because of their talent (a novel idea, I know).

Who Should Go Home: Jorge and Scott
Who is Going Home: Jasmine and Megan (it could also be Jorge, but I have a feeling America hasn't quite warmed up to her yet...maybe it's because she didn't cry onstage)