Saturday, May 15, 2010

2009 Diva Cup Awards: The "Extra" Categories

Who said May was too late to start my year-end Diva Cup Awards for 2009? Everyone? Oh well. You all know I'm no slave to timelines and I decided this year particularly that I wasn't going to rush myself into "finishing" the year by some certain date. I wanted to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, and relish the year in filmmaking. It turns out I chose the wrong year to do that, but that's neither here nor there. Anyways, let's get this motherfucker started, shall we? First up are my "extra" awards, the categories you won't see in the Oscar broadcast but are simply too awesome to resist honoring.

Best Ensemble

[Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Margarita Levieva, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Matt Bush, Martin Starr]

The Brothers Bloom
[Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi]

In the Loop
[Peter Capaldi, Tom Hollander, Olivia Poulet, Chris Addison, Mimi Kennedy, Anna Chlumsky, James Gandolfini, David Rasche, Zach Woods]

Inglourious Basterds
[Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Mélanie Laurent, Diane Kruger, Michael Fassbender, Daniel Brühl]

Star Trek
[Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl Urban, Anton Yelchin, John Cho, Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Leonard Nimoy]

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Brothers Bloom

Best Scene

(500) Days of Summer
Description: Summer invites Tom to her party months after breaking up and recently reconnecting. Tom imagines the situation going one way, while, in a split screen, we see what actually happens.

In this heartbreaking scene, the truth emerges: the once perfect relationship is truly over. Reality is a total bitch.

Away We Go
Description: The couple finally decides on the perfect place to raise their child.

Sniffle. Who knew that the usual quirkiness was all leading up to this pitch-perfect emotional finale?

An Education
Miss Stubbs Confronts Jenny
Description: Sensing that usually bright Jenny is putting her valuable education on hold for a her beau, Miss Stubbs decides to offer some (apparently unwanted) advice.

In a movie full of two-dimensional adults who just don't "get" Jenny, Miss Stubbs quiet confrontation proves that someone is truly looking out for her needs.

The Catfight
Description: Ali Larter touched her child, so B decides to take out her pent up aggression on Larter's face in the most insanely glorious catfight ever captured on film.

I was laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants. This is what camp cinema is all about.

A Single Man
George and Charley's Dance
Description: Old friends George and Charley let loose for a few moments as they dance to a hip new song.

The simple moment speaks volumes about the nature of George and Charley's relationship. They've been through it all together and are so comfortable in each others presence they can make an ass out of themselves and not give a crap.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Obsessed

Best Musical Scene

(500) Days of Summer
"You Make My Dreams"
The perfect exaltation of love and happiness after the first night with someone you love.

"Don't Dream It's Over"
This clip is sadly unavailable, but it's the moment that I realized Adventureland was truly something special. "Don't Dream It's Over" perfectly captures this sentimental mood and seems to raise more questions about Kristen Stewart's character than it answers.

"A Call From the Vatican"
Oh, hi there! Glad to see you could make it, penis. This is something, huh?

"Take It All"
The perfect "fuck you" moment ever captured on film.

Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself
"Rock Steady"
Done with such authority and conviction, I couldn't believe Henson was lip syncing. Bonus points for rocking that fro!

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Adventureland

Best Quote

In the Loop
"Is that why you said, 'Climbing the mountain of conflict'? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews."
Peter Capaldi is quite possibly the greatest swearer on the planet, but he didn't need to drop an f-bomb to make this quote vividly funny.

The Lovely Bones
"You have a TOMB in the middle of your HOUSE!"
I have no idea how Sarandon fits in with the whole of The Lovely Bones but her line delivery here is top notch.

"Because I have no more/There's nothing left to give"
Luisa's mega outburst in "Take It All" excellently sums up just how drained she is dealing with him and this "marriage."

"You listen to me. You know who this is. You came into my house? You touched my child? You think you're crazy? I'll show you crazy. Just try me. Bitch."
Beyoncé, I surrender! As soon as she uttered this line, her performance was never quite the same. The film may have been a trainwreck, but she was not going quietly into the night.

"Love ain't done nothin' for me...but beat me, rape me, call me an animal! Make me feel worthless."
Not gonna lie, I almost teared up here. Sidibe's reading of this line is positively heartbreaking.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Obsessed

Breakthrough Performance

Sharlto Copley, District 9

Anchors a tough sci-fi action movie with sharp political messages on his shoulders like a regular Tom Cruise or Will Smith (except, you know, talented).

Sterling Knight, 17 Again

Before I knew what a Chad Dylan Cooper was, Sterling Knight impressed the hell out of me as Zac Efron's son in 17 Again. Ignoring the usual child actor beats you'd expect in a film like this, Knight is legitimately funny, continuously pushing his co-stars to match his natural delivery.

Mélanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds

Taking over the reigns from Uma Thurman as QT's figurehead is no easy task. Laurent, however, bravely accepts the challenge and strikes some fierce poses along the way. Acting with your body taken to the extreme.

Carey Mulligan, An Education

And you all thought I hated her, huh? I must admit that I still don't quite get all the "She deserved the Oscar, damnit!" hoopla that surrounded her all last season. With that being said, I believe she has potential for greatness. An Education was just a beginning, so let's hope she improves.

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

What I love most about Gabby is the fact that after giving an almost impenetrable performance in Precious, she bombarded the awards circuit with her effervescent personality. The two sides of her almost don't mix but shows that she offers an array of possibilities in the future.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

Best Diva

Taraji P. Henson as April in Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Diva Moment: Her angry reaction to continuously being woken up after a long night at the club (and sleeping with her married beau).

Rinko Kikuchi as Bang Bang in The Brothers Bloom
Diva Moment: Her soundless giggles after blowing shit up.

Diane Kruger as Bridget von Hammersmark in Inglourious Basterds
Diva Moment: Her general demeanor--playful, overly nice to her fans--during the bar scene. She has no over-the-top moments, but her attitude here betrays the fact that she's seen it all...twice.

Susan Sarandon as Grandma Lynn in The Lovely Bones
Diva Moment: The cleaning montage--Grandma attempts to perform an variety of household chores with a ciggy dangling out of her mouth and a drink never out of reach.

Tilda Swinton as Julia in Julia
Diva Moment: The opening scene--a drunken Julia gets lost in the music (and numerous men).

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Rinko Kikuchi, The Brothers Bloom

Best Sexpot

Penélope Cruz, Nine
Hottest Scene: 'A Call From the Vatican' turned me straight momentarily.

Zac Efron, 17 Again
Hottest Scene: I was literally swooning during the opening moments with Efron shooting hoops shirtless.

Nicholas Hoult, A Single Man
Hottest Scene: Slyly baring his ass in front of Colin Firth.

Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: New Moon
Hottest Scene: Sitting on Bella's bed, shirtless, just taunting her (and us in the audience!) with his raw sexuality. I nearly passed out.

Chris Pine, Star Trek
Hottest Scene: Sexin' that alien chick. Lord how I wanted to trade places with her--green skin and all.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: New Moon

Best Cameo/Limited Performance

Steve Buscemi, The Messenger

A moving performance that travels a wide gamut of emotions in a short period of time. Buscemi, ever the old pro, makes it look easy.

Mariah Carey, Precious

Ditches the vanity and her diva persona for a beautifully down-to-earth performance. She listens, she absorbs, she reacts but never once steals the thunder from Sidibe or Mo'Nique. Glitter who?

Sally Hawkins,
An Education
She only appears for a brief moment of time, but Hawkins provides a pivotal moment of clarity for both Mulligan's character and the film as a whole.

Anna Kendrick, Twilight Saga: New Moon

Clever, precise and uproariously funny. I nearly peed my pants during her line reading of "Movies with Bella? Funnnnn." A much better representation of Kendrick's talents than her Oscar-nominated work in Up in the Air.

Catherine O'Hara, Away We Go

Brings her usual hilarious self to propel Krasinski & Rudolph's journey toward self-discovery.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Mariah Carey, Precious

Best Poster


Snip snip! A delicious in-joke.

Funny People

I'm not sure why I'm so attached to this poster, but I find it completely adorable.

The Headless Woman

Says more about the film than you'd ever guess a poster could. The way she's turned away from the camera shows just how disconnected the character is from her world.

The Informant!

It's this year's House Bunny: a completely stupid expression selling an entire film.


The poster is a work of art on its own. Beautifully abstract.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Headless Woman


Monsieur Cinema said...

Finally you give your public what it wants (says the man who left his own awards unfinished)!

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