Happy Eclipse Day!

Now that is one sexy, sexy cast!

Well, boys and girls, today is the day. At 11:59 pm tonight, Twilight fanatics around the country will be piling into theatres to get their first (and most likely not last) glimpse at the latest installment in the series, Eclipse. I, of course, will be among those people like I have been for the past two movies. This probably sounds hypocritical of me since I complain about these movies every chance I get, but, in all honesty, I don't go to these midnight screenings for the movies themselves. Sure, seeing Taylor sans shirt and making fun of dumb Twi-tards going apeshit at stupid moments are both huge positives, but my excitement goes beyond that. My best friends are all Twilight fans and going out with them to these showings has become a way of celebrating our friendship. When New Moon came out last November, I was so excited I kept referring to the day as "New Moon Day" like it was some kind of holiday. Honestly, though, it did feel like a holiday: I spent all day in giddy anticipation, then a lovely dinner with my best friends and some awesome new people and, finally, the movie, which practically made me orgasm around 20 times that first time. Hell, I even made a freaking cake (red velvet, because I am clever like that)! If that doesn't sound like a great holiday celebration, I don't know what does. It was a hundred times better than Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family in which I spent the whole night in a numb, alcoholic stupor while my brother and his girlfriend laughed at my intoxication. Basically "Eclipse Day" means more to me than just a silly movie; it's a day to celebrate friendship with the people I love best. So even if you don't give a shit about Eclipse, go out and celebrate "Eclipse Day" with your best friend, your BFF, your mate or whatever you call them and do whatever you love best.

2009 Diva Cup Awards: The "Extra" Categories

Who said May was too late to start my year-end Diva Cup Awards for 2009? Everyone? Oh well. You all know I'm no slave to timelines and I decided this year particularly that I wasn't going to rush myself into "finishing" the year by some certain date. I wanted to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, and relish the year in filmmaking. It turns out I chose the wrong year to do that, but that's neither here nor there. Anyways, let's get this motherfucker started, shall we? First up are my "extra" awards, the categories you won't see in the Oscar broadcast but are simply too awesome to resist honoring.

Best Ensemble

Adventureland
[Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Margarita Levieva, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Matt Bush, Martin Starr]


The Brothers Bloom
[Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi]


In the Loop
[Peter Capaldi, Tom Hollander, Olivia Poulet, Chris Addison, Mimi Kennedy, Anna Chlumsky, James Gandolfini, David Rasche, Zach Woods]


Inglourious Basterds
[Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Mélanie Laurent, Diane Kruger, Michael Fassbender, Daniel Brühl]


Star Trek
[Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl Urban, Anton Yelchin, John Cho, Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Leonard Nimoy]


And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Brothers Bloom

Best Scene

(500) Days of Summer
Reality/Fantasy
Description: Summer invites Tom to her party months after breaking up and recently reconnecting. Tom imagines the situation going one way, while, in a split screen, we see what actually happens.

In this heartbreaking scene, the truth emerges: the once perfect relationship is truly over. Reality is a total bitch.

Away We Go
Finale
Description: The couple finally decides on the perfect place to raise their child.

Sniffle. Who knew that the usual quirkiness was all leading up to this pitch-perfect emotional finale?

An Education
Miss Stubbs Confronts Jenny
Description: Sensing that usually bright Jenny is putting her valuable education on hold for a her beau, Miss Stubbs decides to offer some (apparently unwanted) advice.

In a movie full of two-dimensional adults who just don't "get" Jenny, Miss Stubbs quiet confrontation proves that someone is truly looking out for her needs.

Obsessed
The Catfight
Description: Ali Larter touched her child, so B decides to take out her pent up aggression on Larter's face in the most insanely glorious catfight ever captured on film.

I was laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants. This is what camp cinema is all about.

A Single Man
George and Charley's Dance
Description: Old friends George and Charley let loose for a few moments as they dance to a hip new song.

The simple moment speaks volumes about the nature of George and Charley's relationship. They've been through it all together and are so comfortable in each others presence they can make an ass out of themselves and not give a crap.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Obsessed

Best Musical Scene


(500) Days of Summer
"You Make My Dreams"
The perfect exaltation of love and happiness after the first night with someone you love.


Adventureland
"Don't Dream It's Over"
This clip is sadly unavailable, but it's the moment that I realized Adventureland was truly something special. "Don't Dream It's Over" perfectly captures this sentimental mood and seems to raise more questions about Kristen Stewart's character than it answers.



Nine
"A Call From the Vatican"
Oh, hi there! Glad to see you could make it, penis. This is something, huh?



Nine
"Take It All"
The perfect "fuck you" moment ever captured on film.



Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself
"Rock Steady"
Done with such authority and conviction, I couldn't believe Henson was lip syncing. Bonus points for rocking that fro!


And the Diva Cup Goes to: Adventureland

Best Quote

In the Loop
"Is that why you said, 'Climbing the mountain of conflict'? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews."
Peter Capaldi is quite possibly the greatest swearer on the planet, but he didn't need to drop an f-bomb to make this quote vividly funny.


The Lovely Bones
"You have a TOMB in the middle of your HOUSE!"
I have no idea how Sarandon fits in with the whole of The Lovely Bones but her line delivery here is top notch.


Nine
"Because I have no more/There's nothing left to give"
Luisa's mega outburst in "Take It All" excellently sums up just how drained she is dealing with him and this "marriage."


Obsessed
"You listen to me. You know who this is. You came into my house? You touched my child? You think you're crazy? I'll show you crazy. Just try me. Bitch."
Beyoncé, I surrender! As soon as she uttered this line, her performance was never quite the same. The film may have been a trainwreck, but she was not going quietly into the night.


Precious
"Love ain't done nothin' for me...but beat me, rape me, call me an animal! Make me feel worthless."
Not gonna lie, I almost teared up here. Sidibe's reading of this line is positively heartbreaking.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Obsessed

Breakthrough Performance



Sharlto Copley, District 9
Anchors a tough sci-fi action movie with sharp political messages on his shoulders like a regular Tom Cruise or Will Smith (except, you know, talented).











Sterling Knight, 17 Again
Before I knew what a Chad Dylan Cooper was, Sterling Knight impressed the hell out of me as Zac Efron's son in 17 Again. Ignoring the usual child actor beats you'd expect in a film like this, Knight is legitimately funny, continuously pushing his co-stars to match his natural delivery.









Mélanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds
Taking over the reigns from Uma Thurman as QT's figurehead is no easy task. Laurent, however, bravely accepts the challenge and strikes some fierce poses along the way. Acting with your body taken to the extreme.








Carey Mulligan, An Education
And you all thought I hated her, huh? I must admit that I still don't quite get all the "She deserved the Oscar, damnit!" hoopla that surrounded her all last season. With that being said, I believe she has potential for greatness. An Education was just a beginning, so let's hope she improves.









Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
What I love most about Gabby is the fact that after giving an almost impenetrable performance in Precious, she bombarded the awards circuit with her effervescent personality. The two sides of her almost don't mix but shows that she offers an array of possibilities in the future.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

Best Diva

Taraji P. Henson as April in Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Diva Moment: Her angry reaction to continuously being woken up after a long night at the club (and sleeping with her married beau).


Rinko Kikuchi as Bang Bang in The Brothers Bloom
Diva Moment: Her soundless giggles after blowing shit up.


Diane Kruger as Bridget von Hammersmark in Inglourious Basterds
Diva Moment: Her general demeanor--playful, overly nice to her fans--during the bar scene. She has no over-the-top moments, but her attitude here betrays the fact that she's seen it all...twice.


Susan Sarandon as Grandma Lynn in The Lovely Bones
Diva Moment: The cleaning montage--Grandma attempts to perform an variety of household chores with a ciggy dangling out of her mouth and a drink never out of reach.


Tilda Swinton as Julia in Julia
Diva Moment: The opening scene--a drunken Julia gets lost in the music (and numerous men).

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Rinko Kikuchi, The Brothers Bloom

Best Sexpot

Penélope Cruz, Nine
Hottest Scene: 'A Call From the Vatican' turned me straight momentarily.


Zac Efron, 17 Again
Hottest Scene: I was literally swooning during the opening moments with Efron shooting hoops shirtless.


Nicholas Hoult, A Single Man
Hottest Scene: Slyly baring his ass in front of Colin Firth.


Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: New Moon
Hottest Scene: Sitting on Bella's bed, shirtless, just taunting her (and us in the audience!) with his raw sexuality. I nearly passed out.


Chris Pine, Star Trek
Hottest Scene: Sexin' that alien chick. Lord how I wanted to trade places with her--green skin and all.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: New Moon

Best Cameo/Limited Performance




Steve Buscemi, The Messenger
A moving performance that travels a wide gamut of emotions in a short period of time. Buscemi, ever the old pro, makes it look easy.











Mariah Carey, Precious
Ditches the vanity and her diva persona for a beautifully down-to-earth performance. She listens, she absorbs, she reacts but never once steals the thunder from Sidibe or Mo'Nique. Glitter who?








Sally Hawkins, An Education
She only appears for a brief moment of time, but Hawkins provides a pivotal moment of clarity for both Mulligan's character and the film as a whole.










Anna Kendrick, Twilight Saga: New Moon
Clever, precise and uproariously funny. I nearly peed my pants during her line reading of "Movies with Bella? Funnnnn." A much better representation of Kendrick's talents than her Oscar-nominated work in Up in the Air.









Catherine O'Hara, Away We Go
Brings her usual hilarious self to propel Krasinski & Rudolph's journey toward self-discovery.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Mariah Carey, Precious

Best Poster





Antichrist
Snip snip! A delicious in-joke.











Funny People
I'm not sure why I'm so attached to this poster, but I find it completely adorable.











The Headless Woman
Says more about the film than you'd ever guess a poster could. The way she's turned away from the camera shows just how disconnected the character is from her world.










The Informant!
It's this year's House Bunny: a completely stupid expression selling an entire film.












Precious
The poster is a work of art on its own. Beautifully abstract.

And the Diva Cup Goes to: The Headless Woman

So Many Women, So Little Time: The Sexual Politics of Up in the Air and Nine

Hollywood has always been a man's town. Wait, scratch that. Hollywood has always been a middle-aged, upper-class, heterosexual white man's town. It tries to pretend it is diverse and changing with the times but, like Washington, D.C., it is still run by prehistoric white dudes. Not too surprising, I'm afraid, given the content of 90% of the crap Hollywood releases each year. How else do you explain Couples Retreat, a "realistic" movie where bloated and puffy Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn are somehow married to young, thin and gorgeous Malin Akerman and Kristin Davis, respectively? Something is obviously wrong with this and, yet, nothing ever seems to change. Looking at two of the year's Oscar contenders--Jason Reitman's "zeitgeist" dramedy Up in the Air and Rob Marshall's musical follow-up to Chicago, Nine--what stands out is that even the most progressive-appearing of this year's batch of films are still haunted by this male-dominated conservatism.

The fact that Up in the Air is being marketed as a "zeitgeist" film, the film of our times, is both laughable and alarming at the same time. It is laughable because the film's corporate downsizing/unemployment themes become so unimportant by the end of the movie, you barely realize the film has said anything about the subject. That's probably because Up in the Air doesn't. The widely celebrated "documentary" scenes with "real" unemployed people are hackily tacked on for some semblance of relevance that just does not exist. They offer nothing I didn't already glean from Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story and are so disconnected from the narrative they truly make no sense in the context of the film.


I am alarmed by Up in the Air's status as the film of our times because the film treats its main female characters as bad, if not worse, than TV treated women in the 1950's and 60's. When it is busy not saying anything about the recession, Up in the Air follows Ryan Bingham (George Clooney playing George Clooney), an unattached, isolated bachelor who works for a company that fires people, and his inevitable journey toward self-discovery and settling down. Along the way, he meets two women who help him change his lifestyle for the better. The first is Alex (Vera Farmiga), a fellow business traveler he has a one-night stand with after meeting in a hotel. Their relationship eventually blossoms into something where Ryan seriously considers giving up his jet-setting lifestyle and settling down with her. The other woman is Natalie (Anna Kendrick), Ryan's young co-worker who develops a program that further decreases the inhumanity of Ryan's job and threatens to ground him indefinitely. With these two women so vital to the narrative, you would think the film would treat them with more respect than they are ultimately given. For the most part, Alex and Natalie are portrayed as women who have many characteristics of men. Alex, at one point, rather vividly and bluntly describes herself as a man with a vagina. Natalie's introduction to Up in the Air is a scene where she introduces her video conferencing program that allows the company to fire people from the main office instead of in person. She is wearing a boxy, unfeminine business suit and adopts the cheesy mannerisms of a stereotypical 50 year-old businessman, cracking corny jokes and playfully grabbing the shoulders of her boss (Jason Bateman). To top it all off, in their own ways, both women are emotionally frigid and distant: Alex repeatedly insists that she does not want a complicated relationship with Ryan while Natalie is so focused on saving the company money, she does not see the inhumanity of the technology she has created. Normally, this would not be a problem, but Up in the Air feels the need to punish Alex and Natalie for wanting to act like men, pushing this idea that unless these women act like women, they are not truly women until they do. After a film-changing (and narratively ridiculous) twist toward the end of the movie, Alex becomes the villain of Up in the Air. According to the film, she's an evil harpy standing in the way of Our Hero from reaching self-actualization. I'm actually surprised that at no point does Ryan burn an effigy of her to further the point. Since Alex is so incapable of committing to Ryan, an unwomanly thing to do since women are wedding-crazy and solely focused on getting that ring, she must become the villain of the film. Natalie, on the other hand, gradually loses any male traits she had in the beginning, replacing them with softer, more traditional female traits. She gradually abandons her head-strong, businessman persona and becomes Ryan's conscience, urging him to give a chance on love with Alex. Up in the Air seems to suggest that successful females either have to choose between a career and love because women can not have it all. If you're a middle-aged man taking a chance on love for the first time while decrying the heartlessness of modern technology, however, you're off the hook. Puh-lease.


Even if the women in Up in the Air become muddled by the narrative, at least they occasionally appear to be real people (the scene in the hotel lobby between Clooney, Farmiga and Kendrick is the highlight of the entire movie). The same can't be said with the ladies of Nine who are nothing more than shallow, one-dimensional stereotypes parading around the film's soundstage. For a film all about a director whose entire life has been shaped and guided by women, it is disconcerting to find that none of these women are as complex or even interesting as Guido seems to find them. As Nine unfurls, it becomes increasingly hard to believe that anyone would have as many existential crises as Guido does about his wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard) and his mistress Carla (Penélope Cruz). To save time, I'm surprised no one thought to just name these characters Madonna and Whore to make the point even more clear. Think about it: what exactly do we learn about any of the female characters that we do not already grasp from their opening scene? Luisa is a saint for putting up with Guido's shit (although the film forgives Guido because, by golly, he's a hot-blooded Italian artist and fucking multiple people is a part of "being Italian"). Carla loves sex and loves Guido. That's seriously it. 'A Call to the Vatican' is a visual ode to the beauty of Cruz's body, but does not actually say anything about Carla besides she has a nice ass. Lilli (Dame Judi Dench) acts as Guido's conscience throughout the film but, even with the Dench touch, she still does not come across as anything more than a shallow plot device. Claudia (Nicole Kidman) has nice hair extensions. Loren, Hudson and Fergie are in the movie for so little of the runtime they barely register before they are quickly ushered off for more of Our Hero's insufferable suffering. Rob Marshall is so focused on the problems Our Hero faces juggling the numerous women in his life, the women become nothing more than pawns, or even obstacles in some instances, in Guido's journey toward making his movie. Not exactly a commendable attitude for a movie that has been non-stop in its marketing as a movie about all of these juicy, glorious actresses.

Up in the Air C-
Nine C-

My Dream Supporting Lineups for 2009

I gave up on Oscar predicting this year because a) there are a multitude of sites out there who do it better and more in depth than myself and b) I was quickly growing bored with it. It gets exhausting predicting the same 8 names all year, you guys! So, while I don't do that anymore, I thought about a couple of weeks or so ago that it would be fun just to make up random lineups that I would kill to see from this year's crop of Oscar contenders. The lead categories seem too cut and dry at this point with only a few legitimate contenders (we'll have to wait until Toronto ends for the true buzz to begin) so I wanted to dig through the supporting categories since they offer a wider array of actors in different films. I only had two rules when picking my linueps: one, the film actually has to have a legitimate chance (as of right now) at the Oscars (goodbye Sunshine Cleaning, Brothers Bloom and Funny People) and two, the performance doesn't necessarily matter--it's pretty much all about how I feel about the actor and the role. Whether it's because they're one of my favorite working actors, an underrated up-and-comer or just plain sexy, these are who I think would make the ideal supporting lineups this year at the Academy Awards

Best Supporting Actress

Mariah Carey, Precious
Wouldn't this be a great "fuck you" to all the assholes who burned her when Glitter came out? Plus, I hear she's legitimately good in this movie! It also doesn't hurt that I've loved Mariah for most of my life (seriously).

Penélope Cruz, Nine
The sexiest working actress today singing and dancing in sexy outfits. Yes please.
Dame Judi Dench, Nine
She is Dame Judi fucking Dench for Christ's sake. Do you even have to ask with me?
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
I have been talking about this young actress for ages now and it seems like she will finally get her due in the loudly buzzing Up in the Air. Maybe the stars will actually align for her and she will sneak in this category.
Mo'Nique, Precious
The star of Beauty Shop and Phat Girlz with an Oscar nomination (and possible win)? Only in America, my friend.

Best Supporting Actor

Daniel Brühl, Inglourious Basterds
He's so pretty. All pretty people should get Oscar noms (especially when they're young and pretty).
Nicholas Hoult, A Single Man
He's also very pretty and, along with Kendrick, I feel like I've been talking about him for awhile. (And, on a side note, I love how everyone "discovered" A Single Man this past week after its Venice win when myself and A Blog Next Door have been talking about it since February and December of last year, respectively)
James McAvoy, The Last Station
Pretty. And he's been great in so many things without getting any due acclaim.
Joel McHale, The Informant!
The hilarious host of E!'s clip show The Soup with an Oscar nomination? Be still my beating heart.
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
He's just so goddamned good, that's why.

Anna Kendrick as Sally Bowles...Sort Of

Just when I thought Anna Kendrick couldn't be any more amazing, a friend of mine showed me the above clip of her performing "Life Upon the Wicked Stage" from Show Boat with the Kit Kat Club dancers from Cabaret. Make sure to pay attention for the recreation of Liza Minnelli's immortal "Mein Herr" dance from the film version with Anna gamely taking over the reins. Oh, and did I mention that this was performed in 1999 when Anna was 14? Good God, can someone get this woman a role in a movie musical ASAP? Surely there must be some casting agent/producer who thinks that Kendrick would be a better choice than Vanessa Hudgens.

An Open Letter to Robert Pattinson

Dear Robert Pattinson,

I know we've had our disagreements in the past. I insulted your performance in Twilight any chance I could and even listed as one of the worst of the year. You have no reason to heed my advice since you obviously haven't listened before (you are still acting, right?) but please, for the love of God, listen now:

Get your fucking arm and bad breath-polluted tongue away from my beloved Anna Kendrick, you two-bit, artificial, personal hygiene-ignoring closet case.

She is a fucking Tony nominee (Best Featured Actress in a Musical, High Society, 1998) and Independent Spirit Award nominee (Best Supporting Actress, Rocket Science, 2007) and what have you done? Stared vacantly in a huge blockbuster, earned a legion of retard tweenage girls who don't mind that you don't take a shower and want you to bite them on the neck and an MTV Movie Award nomination for Breakthrough Male. You don't even belong in the same frame with this goddess, let alone touching her, so back the fuck up and go back to not washing your hair, your favorite pastime.

xoxo
Dame James

Why Isn't Reece Thompson Hired for Every Movie Ever?

If there are any casting directors reading this, please take note. The amazing Reece Thompson, star of the indie hit Rocket Science (along with the also amazing Anna Kendrick) from a couple years ago and the lost-in-distribution-limbo Assassination of a High School President (with the dire Mischa Barton), needs to be working in some bigger movies. How is it that Jonah Hill gets work in every other comedy around and Reece Thompson can't catch a break? He's an extremely funny fellow who could do equally well in films as different as Superbad and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and, unlike Michael Cera, could do different characters in each of them.

I was rummaging around his Wikipedia page and eventually stumbled across his MySpace blog. There are only three (short) entries and he hasn't updated in two years, but Reece still managed to make me giggle with his reaction to the vultures trying to steal him after Rocket Science premiered at Sundance:

Sundance is going great the reaction to the film has been incredible. I've had many agents come up to me and try and make me one of their whores. It's pretty cool.

I love this guy. And what's even more amazing about Reece is that him and his friends have started this site called Jitterbug Productions, which makes hilarious short videos about the most random things you can even imagine. I should know- I spent a good two to three hours yesterday watching most of them. Some of my favorites include First Date, which includes a revealing shot of our lovable Reece, What's Up, Doog?, a spot-on parody of dumb sitcoms and Reunion, which I've placed right below for your viewing pleasure.

Sigh. Isn't Reece amazing? Definitely worthy of a few more roles, don't you think? Well, I'm off to watch Rocket Science because I've been thinking about it for a couple of days now. Do yourself a favor and go watch it yourself.