Songs of 2011: "My Dilemma" and "What Do I Have to Do"

I'll be announcing my 20 favorite songs of the past year within the next couple of days (catch up with 50-21 here). But until then, I wanted to briefly talk about two of the most important songs to me this year that were ineligible for my end of the year list for various reasons (one is an album track while the other is over 20 years old). These two songs got me through some rough patches this past year, and I am eternally grateful that they came into my life when they did.

Selena Gomez & The Scene, in my estimation, is quickly becoming one of the best pop acts around. Between their debut album and this year's When the Sun Goes Down, no artist has matured and found their sound quicker than Selena & The Scene. And within that short period of time, they have become the go-to artist for songs about indecisive men who send mixed signals about what they want leaving you confused and frustrated. "Round & Round", their first stab at this type of song, was my fourth favorite song of 2010. With such incredibly large shoes to fill, how would another song in this admittedly small genre even compare? Not only did this song handily surpass its predecessor, it also outshines nearly everything in Selena & The Scene's entire discography. Lumped in between two of the album's lesser tracks toward the end, "My Dilemma" can be easy to miss if you're not paying attention.

But you would really be doing yourself a disservice underestimating or, even worse, ignoring this track altogether. "My Dilemma" touches on what I suspect (or I hope since it happened to me repeatedly this past year and I don't want to feel so damned alone!) is a universal problem for a lot of us out there: men who confuse the fuck out of us. It's a song about how you can see every fault a guy has and tell yourself that you are over them, but the minute they are online or they text you something nice, you have to stop everything and talk to them. You hate yourself for doing it later on, but it feels so right in the moment and there's nothing you can do to stop yourself. And it finally gets to the point where you are not even interested in the guy anymore, you just love all the attention and drama of the situation. The lyrics of "My Dilemma" are simple, yet they nimbly and ably navigate this precarious situation. What really sells the song for me, I must admit, is Selena's vocals. The way she switches between high and low notes reflects the indecisiveness of the song: just as she can't decide how she feels about this boy, she can't decide whether she wants to sing the song in a falsetto or in her normal range. It's a smart choice for a smart song, and shows off Selena as one of the smartest vocalists around.

Within the first few months of 2011, I really got into Kylie Minogue's discography, finally getting around to listening to all of her early albums. I was already familiar with "What Do I Have to Do" when I was going through her Rhythm of Love album, but it wasn't until this year that the song really clicked for me. And boy did it ever click for me--rather unfortunately, I must add, as the song is all about pining for an oblivious guy showing absolutely no interest in you romantically. It's quite funny, actually, because, sonically, "What Do I Have to Do" sounds like the uplifting, catchy pop song we expected from her at this time. But, buried beneath Kylie's sweet delivery is a raging torrent of melancholy and longing. "What Do I Have to Do" is quite possibly the most devastating song in Kylie's discography--and that's saying a lot because the woman has done quite a few melancholic tracks over the years.

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Adam Brody

How appropriate that one of my first major crushes was also Jewish. It's like I was born to love Jewish men.

Hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah!

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Jake Gyllenhaal

I think the recurring theme of this series is me finding out about these hot guys being Jewish long after I first fell in love with them. How did I go years without knowing Jake was one of the Chosen People?

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Armie Hammer

When I found out he was half-Jewish, I almost did a cartwheel. And given the fact that I like to move as little as possible, that means something.

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Dave Franco

Most people would go with James, the more famous of the Franco brothers, but I've always had a hard-on soft spot for little Davey. How can you resist that face? Or those eyebrows?

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Anton Yelchin

Jewish and a Soviet? Can Anton be any more perfect?

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Zac Efron

Screw the Aryans! The Jews must be the superior race if this man is a member.

 

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: David Beckham

Did you know that David was Jewish? My mind was BLOWN when I found out. Good one, Victoria, for getting hitched to one of God's Chosen People.

Top 50 Songs of 2011, Part 1

The time has come! The end of the year is approaching so that means the end of the year lists must start. And what better way to kick all that off than with the first installment of my favorite songs of the year? As always, I had a difficult time narrowing my list down and placing them in the proper order, but after moving songs back and forth around the list, I threw in the towel and stopped fiddling with the order. I decided to split this list in two this year because I wanted to write at least a little something about each of the songs and I didn't want the post to become dauntingly enormous. So please do enjoy this list and let me know what you think about my inclusions. And stayed tuned for the Top 20 coming soon!

Honorable Mentions: Demi Lovato "Skyscraper" | Natalia Kills "Free" | One Direction "Gotta Be You" | CocknBullKid "Hold On to Your Misery" | Will Young "Jealousy" | Britney Spears "Hold It Against Me" | Alexandra Stan "Get Back (ASAP)" | Eric Saade featuring J-Son "Hearts in the Air" | Selena Gomez & The Scene "Love You Like a Love Song" | Alexis Jordan "Hush Hush"

50-41

50. Simon Curtis "Superhero"

The moment I first saw Simon Curtis as a legitimate pop star.

49. Leona Lewis & Avicii "Collide"

Not quite the "Outta My Head" dance jam I was expecting, but it's nice to see Leona push herself out of her power ballad comfort zone.

48. Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer "Give Me Everything"

Commercial as hell? Yes. But that chorus saves the day. You actually forget Pitbull is on this song!

47. Alesha Dixon featuring Jay Sean "Every Little Part of Me"

Alesha's career is deader than Floptina's at the moment, which is a shame when she's still releasing songs as fresh as this one.

46. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

My feelings on this song went from "What a piece of shit!" to "Ooooh, the video's interesting. Maybe this song isn't so bad after all" to "Who run the world? Beyoncé."

45. Bingo Players "Cry (Just a Little)"

This song is as barebones as dancehall songs get: a pounding beat and a couple of lyrics from the 80's song "Piano in the Dark" repeated over and over. But its simplicity is what makes it one of the most irresistibly catchy songs of the year.

44. CocknBullKid "Asthma Attack"

The new critical darling of the indie pop world, CocknBullKid burst on the scene the first half of the year. "Hold On to Your Misery" caught my attention first, but "Asthma Attack" is the song that I keep going back to.

43. The Sound of Arrows "Nova"

This sort of synth pop isn't always my thing. But when I think it works, it really works for me. "Nova" is absolutely gorgeous, as close to a hymn as pop music gets.

42. Alexis Jordan "Good Girl"

The moment Alexis Jordan truly arrived. Who knew she would be one of the freshest popstars of the year?

41. David Guetta featuring Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj "Where Them Girls At"

Even with Guetta and Flo Rida at their generic worst, Nicki Minaj classes up the joint with one of her most wicked verses ever. She's so good spitting out lyrics like, "No, no, I don't endorse that/Pause that, abort that!" she elevates the material surrounding her.

40-31

40. Wynter Gordon "Buy My Love"

Last year's "Believer" proved that Wynter had promise. And she makes good on that promise with this ode to becoming a kept woman.

39. Rebecca Black "Friday"

Somewhere in the past nine months this song went from a hilarious joke to heralding the arrival of the next big teen pop star. Whether you think it's a classic or a sign of the apocalypse, Rebecca carries this song with her infectious personality and the ability to sing the silliest lyrics alive ("Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes afterward") with a straight face.

38. Taio Cruz featuring Kylie Minogue "Higher"

This track is all about Kylie. She elevates this flaccid Taio solo into a sexy, sultry duet.

37. Frankmusik "The Fear Inside"

Vincent first attempt at a more commercial sound. It didn't exactly set the charts ablaze but it did solidify him in my mind as one of the few legitimately great male pop stars we have today.

36. Frankmusik & Colette Carr "No I.D."

In this age of guest rappers and female popstars belting choruses on rap songs, "No I.D." is one of the few legitimate duets around. Vincent & Colette's chemistry is blazing, turning this simple pop track into a repeat worthy jam.

35. Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

She still makes the best Dancing Through the Tears pop songs. And the video is to die for!

34. Joe McElderry "Someone Wake Me Up"

La Joe finally found success as Classic Joe this year. An unfortunate situation, it would appear, as this means that Popstar Joe is more or less on permanent hiatus. How sad. Who in the fuck actually prefers him doing opera shit over stuff like "Someone Wake Me Up"?

33. Agnes "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"

Agnes, of the Carlsson variety, thankfully returned to the music world with this in-your-face jam. That opening riff is legendary in its own right.

32. Rhianna featuring Calvin Harris "We Found Love"

I originally fell in love with this song because it showed off Rihanna in a subtly different light, pushing herself away from the hard edge of the Rated R era and the Back to Commercial-ness of the Loud era to something far more DJ/rave friendly. But I stayed interested in this song was because hidden under the insane Harris production, there's a tender, almost mournful love story about falling out of love.

31. Florence + The Machine "Shake It Out"

Florence is an artist I tend to admire more than I actually like, but there's something honest and ever-so-gripping about this power ballad.

30-21

30. Alexandra Stan "Mr. Saxobeat"

It's exactly the type of Eurotrash pop song most people who know nothing about European pop music assume all European pop music is...yet I can't help but be infatuated with "Saxobeat" for the very same reasons it's hated.

29. Katy Perry "E.T."

Outside of the album track "Circle the Drain," this is by far Katy Perry's most adult track. And the fact that she picked it as a single at all over the pandering "Peacock" is further proof of her maturity as both an artist and an icon.

28. Dev "In the Dark"

Dev's limited vocal range works far better in this sexy track than in "Bass Down Low" or in any of her umpteen featuring credits during the year.

27. Foster the People "Pumped Up Kicks"

Have we come across a unicorn with Foster the People: an act both the indie kids and the pop lovers can agree on? I couldn't begin to tell you what this song is about, and it's low key nature would normally annoy the hell out of me, but, like most of what Foster the People does, it just works. Sometimes you just can't explain it.

26. Take That "Love Love"

Who knew that in 2011 not only would I care about Take That post-"Back For Good" but I would also actually really love one of their new songs? The world is tricky like that sometimes.

25. Jessie J "Do It Like a Dude"

Forget about the annoying, wailing twat she has become. For a brief second, Jessie J looked the toughest pop star to come along in ages with this hard-as-nails anthem.

24. Ola "All Over the World"

This Swedish import was released in Ola's homeland back in 2010 but made it's way to the UK this year. It's three and a half minutes of pure, unadulterated joy, aka everything a pop song of this nature should be.

23. Britney Spears "Till The World Ends"

If the upcoming apocalypse in December 2012 is anywhere near as amazing as this song, the world will be ending on a high note.

22. Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"

One of those tragic, old fashioned ballads that come along every few years and knocks the socks off everyone. Perri's version will no doubt become the standard, but "Jar of Hearts" is so brilliantly written nearly anyone can sing it and sound like they are a legend.

21. The Wanted "Glad You Came"

Every bit as poised as "California Gurls" to be an Easy Summertime Anthem but with a wicked, deviant sense of humor and clever wordplay (thanks in part to co-writer Ed Drewett).

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Jesse Eisenberg

To celebrate Hanukkah and my love of Jewish men, I thought it would be fun to bring you a sexy Jew every night at sundown in honor of each day of Hanukkah. A big thank you goes out to Fuck Yeah, Jewish Men for bringing some men to my attention who I had no idea were Jewish. For this first night of the "Festival of Lights," I chose perhaps the most notorious young Jew in Hollywood: Jesse Eisenberg. Although not traditionally good looking, there's a lot to be said about his quick wit and charming personality (not to mention his bromance with Andy Garfield). We love him in these parts and wouldn't mind if he took a chance on this Gentile right here. Mazel tov!

100 Hot Men and a Dame: #87 Tyson Beckford

 

 

87. Tyson Beckford

Occupation: Model

Nationality: American

Age: 41

Best Known For: Being one of the best known male supermodels in the world and, for a select group of people, hosting the short lived Bravo series Make Me a Supermodel.

Joining me for this entry is my favorite--and hopefully yours as well--green-haired, illegal immigrant from Mexico, Pablo (follow him on Twitter here). He really came through for me, so much love to him. Have fun reading this adorably schizo entry!

Dame James: When did you first encounter Tyson and, if it wasn't love at first sight, when did you fall in love with him?

Pablo: I probably saw him first in a fashion editorial in some magazine, but the first time I really payed attention to him was in the flaw free video of "Toxic", and, yes, he was smoking for being a chocolate man. I could just imagine myself at the back of his bike, rubbing his arms, me rocking, of course, a red wig and leather pants.

DJ: Maybe it's because I only saw the "Toxic" video a couple times when the song was current, but it wasn't until I saw the video again that I realized he was in it. Usually, Britney's typical guy has long, greasy hair and looks like your typical country bumpkin (see also: both ex-Mr. Britneys). It's a nice change of pace to see him in her video, especially on a motorcycle. I would not mind for a moment trading places with Britney.

I know I first must have seen him in some random fashion editorial as well, but I would be unable to pinpoint it specifically. The first time I ever remember being attracted to him, though, was on this America's Next Top Model rip-off called Make Me a Supermodel. He was the Tyra Banks to 14 or so aspiring male and female model. I know the show was about the models--and some of those men were SMOKIN'--but, dayum, Tyson was always the hottest. His arms must be his trademark because they always look great busting out of the tight shirts he wears. Did you ever see the show or were you too busy trying to sneak into the country to watch TV?

 

P: I did watch Make Me a Supermodel, both seasons, and he was smoking there as well. No, I wasn't too busy trying to sneak into the country--I was already in. Obviously we don't get those kinda shows in Mexico. I like his arms, yes, and his pecs, and his abs. He has one of those bodies that you just wanna lick expecting for him to slowly melt in your mouth and have this delicious, savory chocolate taste.

DJ: Silly me for thinking Mexico would watch the American version of Make Me a Supermodel with all of those gringos. They'd have their own version and they would probably compete to star on a telenovella. He does have a very lickable body, doesn't he? Oddly enough, that would be my first instinct as well. Just a question, though: You do realize that just because he's black it doesn't mean he tastes like chocolate, right?

P: I know he is not gonna taste like chocolate, but I can dream. I know he will taste like caramel.

DJ: So, imagine Tyson and Tyra are going head to head on the runway. What do you think THAT would look like?

P: If Tyson and Tyra would go head to head in the runway...um. I've read that they are really good friends, and judging from last night's America's Next Top Model, I would say they are cause Tyra sucked on his thumb. That was disturbing. Although Tyson is a god, I would pick Tyra. As crazy as she is, she has a gorgeous face (minus the flat screen forehead) and I'm a sucker for women in fashion. But that runway would look like a chocolate fountain, fulled of muscles, boobs and Tyra's ego.

DJ: Tyra sucked on his thumb?! God, I love that crazy bitch. I'm also wildly envious of her. And I'd have to agree that Tyra would win. She would do whatever it takes to win. Then, when she did win, she wouldn't let Tyson forget it. Because Tyra knows that Tyra is the best.

P: Yes, they were making this movie editorial about her book "Modelland" and of course she was the main character named...wait for it, Tookie! She's this awkward wannabe model with one green eye and one brown eye who falls in love with this guy (played by Tyson) and since she is so awkward and unlucky in love, of course the first thing she does is suck on his thumb. Because you know everyone sucks a thumb on a first date.

I'd suck that thumb.

DJ: Oh Tyra. That's literally all I can say to that. (And I love how Tyra has even hijacked this conversation about Tyson!)

P: She's awful, right? Look at her getting into our conversations. That's the power of Tyra for you! But yes, Tyson is one sexy man, he really is. That smile he has and those little eyes, he is just a dreamy man. Like, he would make the perfect hot boyfriend that everyone's jealous of but your friends don't know why is he dating you.

DJ: I don't know about you, but he'd be dating me because I put out.

And what about you? Do you like to imagine Tyson tastes like chocolate?

10 Things I Hate About New Year's Eve

I learned a lot about myself and life in general while watching New Year's Eve the other night. No, it was nothing in the movie that got me, even though it tried fucking hard to turn the holiday and the Ball Drop into a philosophical statement on life and beginnings and triumphing past adversity. Rather, I gleaned from the whole experience two important things. First, I need to start questioning my decision making skills now that I'm on a fixed income and don't have money to waste on absolute shit. Secondly, no matter how bad I make my life sound, it's still nowhere near as terrible as this film. New Year's Eve is an easy F, no bones about it, but let's countdown from 10 to 1 (Like on New Year's Eve...Get it? It's a very subtle metaphor for how the New Year holds all the promise for a fantastic year ahead!) the absolute worst things about this trash.

10. The Funniest Thing in the Movie Happens During the Credits

New Year's Eve was so lacking in actual jokes--Zefron & Sofia Vergara both wrung laughs out of their presence and way with words, not because of what was actually written--that the bloopers which accompanied the credits were actually funnier than anything in the movie. And it's pretty sad that Zefron dancing for a 90 seconds and a joke involving Jessica Biel giving birth to copies of Valentine's Day were the most memorable parts of the movie.

09. The Swankinator: Slaying Her Way to Oscar Glory Since 1999

Listen, I'll stan for the Swankinator and her shameless mugging for Oscar attention anytime, anywhere, but the girl cannot do comedy. She looks so bloody uncomfortable trying to be "loose" and "spontaneous". And I swear she was so rigid I thought at moments she was turning into Brandon Teena again. Plus, who else was looking forward to her hooking up Luda? Unlikeliest coupling in the history of couples? I think so!

08. Robert DeNiro: What a Debbie Downer

Not only was DeNiro saddled with the one depressing story line in the film, but the film cut to his story line at all of the most inappropriate places. Seriously, the film would go from a scene of Efron and Pfeiffer, being all charming and full of life, crossing off something on her Bucket List to DeNiro lying in his bed, hooked up to life support galore and decaying before our very eyes. I get that the screenwriter was trying to force some Really Important Topics into her fluffy screenplay, but cut to them at more appropriate times. It made DeNiro look like more of a buzzkill than he did in all of his Scorsese movies combined.

07. The Makeup

Abigail Breslin is a pretty girl, but she has an unusual face that could look almost alien without the proper attention. The makeup department's answer for this was to apparently slap a shit-ton of makeup and eyeliner on her so she looked like a small town transgendered teenage prostitute. And it's not like they were any nicer to the other ladies, most noticeably Katherine Heigl, who often looked like they had been Chris Browned right before the director started the scene.

06. The Slob & The Screeching Harpy

Would anyone seriously have minded if the elevator Ashton Kutcher and Lea Michele were trapped in had plummeted towards the Earth at 200 mph, spontaneously ignited in flames and burned them to a crisp before the metal in the elevator crushed their skeletons into a thousand pieces upon impact?

05. Forced Sentimentality

I understand that in a pure crowd pleaser such as New Year's Eve you need some kind of emotional pull to balance out the comedy; that's the nature of romantic comedies. But this film was really grasping at straws to pull any and all sentimentality out of whatever random situation the script found itself in. The entire movie, Josh Duhamel's character yammers about two things: this speech he has to make at a party and some girl he met the previous New Year's Eve that he may or may not meet again. We find out he's the heir to some record label empire and he's making the speech at the company's New Year's party. When he does give the speech, which he (of course) hasn't prepared for at all, he, for no reason other than to sneak a lot of sympathy, mentions his dead father and starts tearing up. The speech has absolutely nothing to do with his dad and is merely a SUBTLE cue for him to stop whoring it up with the sluts after him (who all seriously looked like 45-year-old Real Housewives) and go after the mystery girl. And then there's Halle Berry, whose mysterious New Year's date is a video chat with her soldier husband in Iraq. COME ON. Did we really need to throw in the war for more drama and conflict? Shameless, shameless, shameless (Although it did give me an opportunity to make a joke in the theatre. When the husband says, "I've only got a couple months left," I made the sound of a bomb exploding. Would you really put it past the makers of this film to have him die right before our very eyes? I mean, apparently the target audience is Nicholas Sparks fans, as evidenced by the two Sparks trailers before the movie).

04. Jon Bon Jovi? Is It 1988 Again?

When did Bon Jovi become relevant again? I have nothing against the man, and he's not any worse than any of the atrocious actors in this movie, but what? Can you talk about random, inappropriate casting? The dude is pushing 50, yet we're supposed to believe that not only 30-something Katherine Heigl is into him but also that he's this major rock star that teenage girls are willing to throw themselves at. On what planet is Bon Jovi as desirable as Justin Bieber to fifteen year old girls? Just because you fucked underage sluts in the 80's doesn't mean girls in 2011 know who the fuck you are, grandpa.

03. Do You Get The Theme?

New Year's Eve is a chance to reflect on the past year, the mistakes you've made, discern what you can improve on. It's also an opportunity to wish for the future, to hold out hope that the coming year will be your best ever and all your dreams will come true. In case you didn't get this from the opening voiceover (from either the Swankinator or Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm not sure), you will hear it repeated, ad nauseum, from a host of characters, old and young, important and tertiary. And then you'll hear the Swankinator repeat it in a press conference after a problem with the Ball is discovered, which leads me to...

02. The Fucking Ball

Why. The. Fuck. Was. Everyone. Going. On. And. On. About. That. Fucking. Ball? It's not a goddamn metaphor for anything, no matter how hard you try to make it one. And why the fuck is there a problem with it? Isn't it set up the same way every year? So much of the movie is consumed with the Ball and it's really a lot of pointless, wasted drama. Who gives a fuck?

01. The "Script"

Valentine's Day wasn't a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but it was passable entertainment and I found it quite amusing in parts. Both that film and New Year's Eve share the same writer, Katherine Fugate, but, in that year or so, it's as if she has lost any sense of comedy she may have once had. Like I said before, the film is literally devoid of jokes. Anything that's funny in the film is because of the actors and the actors alone. They get absolutely no help from any other source. I'm sure Valentine's Day wasn't the laugh riot I'm remembering it to be, and I'm sure it was just as unbearably saccharine sweet, but something was obviously distracting from its awfulness. And that something is nowhere to be found in the joyless, painful script for New Year's Eve. Look, I didn't expect the world from New Year's Eve, but when you aren't even at the same level as Valentine's Day, or Bride Wars for that matter, you know there's a problem.

Short Rants on Crazy, Stupid, Love

Did Phyllida Lloyd secretly direct this movie? Not since Mamma Mia! have I been filled with such irrational, unexplainable hatred toward a star-studded, pure popcorn film. From the very first frame until the last, cringe-inducing second, Crazy, Stupid, Love manages to dumb down a stellar, intelligent cast with sitcom clichés and out-of-nowhere twists that even CBS would be embarrassed by, include a lazy happy ending which wraps up complicated interpersonal issues into a neat and tidy bow, and uphold prehistoric ideas about men and women's places in both society and relationships. This last point is what sent me over the edge. First of all, according to the film, the only way Steve Carell's character is able to recapture his manhood after his pending divorce is to follow the advice of Ryan Gosling, a well-dressed, impeccably groomed chauvinist who brags about tricking dumb women into wanting to have sex with him. The problem, however, is that we are supposed to respect Gosling's character as his tricks work for Carell and he becomes a close friend when everyone else has abandoned him to take his wife's side. This becomes a major problem later on in the film when SPOILER the girl Gosling has been serious about turns out to be Carell's daughter. So, he's a good enough guy to be your friend but now he's scum because he's dating your daughter, who, I must add, is now old enough to have passed her fucking BAR exam and become a lawyer. How utterly disgusting that even in 2011 we still have major plot points in major films--especially a comedy--where a father feels he has the right to decide whom his adult daughter may or may not date. But the gender politics in this film are merely the tip of the iceberg of what Crazy, Stupid, Love gets so completely wrong. Do we have time to cover the film's boneheaded attempts to validate the 13 year old son's "love" for his 17 year old babysitter (who is actually in love with Carell's character but let's not get into that)? Why on earth are we pretending that this 13 year old is any different than any other 13 year old boy who would stick it in the hole of anyone who gave them the slightest bit of attention? Because he's sensitive and intuitive, you say? Fuck that. He's an idiot, just as nearly everyone else in this movie is (Emma Stone remains unscathed by this hot mess). Love does indeed suck, but not nearly as much as this movie. F

100 Hot Men and a Dame: #88 Cam Gigandet

 

88. Cam Gigandet

Occupation: Actor

Nationality: American

Age: 29

Best Known For: Terrorizing Benjamin McKenzie on The O.C. and getting naked with a box of cookies alongside Cher and Floptina in Burlesque.

...And the hot men train keeps on rolling with the help of my friend Mike (follow him on Twitter or read his blog) as we discuss the first O.C. alum on the list.

Dame James: When did you first encounter Cam and, if it wasn't love at first sight, when did you fall in love with him?

Mike: The first time I saw Cam is probably the same for everyone, when he appeared on The O.C. as Kevin Volchok to fulfill the "Marissa's new dark and broody boyfriend" role, because Ryan was too busy sleeping with his adoptive mother's sister or whoever he was putting it in that season.

I don't think I paid too much attention to him at first, I was too busy planning my wedding to "perfect husband material" Seth/Adam Brody, but Cam did spend 90% of the time on The O.C. shirtless so I was definitely aware of how ridiculously attractive he was.

He was a complete dick on the show but he could make trailer sex with a talking twig look hot and his fight scenes with Benjamin McKenzie rivaled Brokeback Mountain for its latent gay tendencies.

Then after his role on The O.C. came to an end, it all went a bit quiet on the Cam-front until the equally homoerotic Never Back Down...

DJ: I pretty much have to agree on everything you said here. I was too busy focusing on Seth Cohen as well to notice Cam's Volchok on the first go-around. No doubt he was attractive but he was such a complete asshole to Ryan, whom I also loved. I was torn.

I don't think it was until Never Back Down that I really fell in love with Cam. He was also an asshole in that movie, but since I didn't care about any of the other characters, I relished him. He was charming and sweet, except for that scene where he beats up Sean Faris' scrawny friend. The best thing about that movie, though: his chest. And it makes quite a few appearances, thank the Lord Jesus.

You mentioned the homoeroticism that runs throughout his roles in The O.C. and Never Back Down and I think that's an interesting point to make. When you also think about his Burlesque performance (Floptina thinks he's gay for the longest time and the film is generally gay) and even Twilight, homoeroticism runs throughout his filmography. Why do you think that is, especially for someone who is such a commercial actor? Also, what do you think about him in Burlesque?

M: I hadn't actually thought about the fact that 90% of his roles have "the gay connection", maybe Cam is in fact *insert libellous claim here* a gay. Plus, he was in Easy A which will inevitably become the next Mean Girls in terms of quotability among the gays, and The Roommate, which I haven't had the pleasure of watching yet but looks ridiculously camp. I eventually will because of Leighton "Amazing" Meester but I wouldn't be too surprised if there was a homoerotic scene in The Roommate with Cam and Matt Lanter.

I thought Burlesque was amazing as a whole and will one day be recognised as the defining musical of the 21st Century. Cam was adequate enough in it, I don't think he's ever really considered for a film on the basis of his acting talents. The cookie box scene should have been enough to warrant an Oscar nomination though really.

DJ: I don't mean to imply that Cam's gay--the fact that he has a long-term girlfriend and a kid already implies otherwise usually--but I always find it interesting when younger actors tackle those kinds of movies and roles. He's clearly not in the same gay role league with Nicholas Hoult, who macked on dudes in TV, the stage and the movies (almost) just a couple years into his adult career., yet Cam's filmography is clearly veering towards the homoerotic. And if you're expecting The Roommate to be a campy gay classic, you'll be sadly disappointed. Leighton's amazingness is suppressed and Cam and Matt Lanter don't even share a scene together.

I hated Burlesque with every fiber of my being, but it was the first movie, I think, that showed off Cam's personality. He's always been a pretty face with impeccable abs but the acting has never matched. Then, suddenly, in Burlesque he was funny, charming, warm and interesting, words I had never used to describe him before. The cookie box scene was a delicious moment that cemented my love for him. It showed off all his best assets: his playfulness, his charm and, most of all, his abs. An Oscar nom may be a little much, but I'll be damned if I won't defend him every chance I can.

Any final thoughts on Cam?

M: Oh, I don't for one second think Cam is actually gay, it was just lots of wishful thinking/dreaming on my part. Speaking of his other half, how cute are all the photos of him and his daughter? Cam Gigandet, what a DILF.

Slightly upset that The Roommate isn't the campy gay classic it clearly started off as, and Cam and Matt aren't in a scene together (shirts optional) means it probably does deserve every piece of vitriol it got.

I think with all his backlog of homoerotic roles it'd be good to see Cam actually play gay for real this time. And have you seen the header photo from this website before? I think I have a new screensaver.

 

Hot damn, now that is a gorgeous header! What a way to make a first impression. Wouldn't you visit a site (repeatedly) that featured that image?