Half-Way Report for 2012

Best Film

01. The Cabin in the Woods (Drew Goddard)

This movie was so fucked up on so many levels, I have no idea where to even begin. The film balances dark humor and horror as well as Scream, albeit in a less self-referential way. But the real kicker is that finale which throws everything at the wall. It probably shouldn't work so well, but I found myself endlessly fascinated (and simultaneously horrified) by the spectacle.

02. The Hunger Games (Gary Ross)

03. 21 Jump Street (Phil Lord & Chris Miller)

Best Performance

01. Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games

Like Crazy is the film that turned me into a J. Law fan. The Hunger Games is what turned that love into an obsession. We all knew she could do tough, extremely focused characters--a prerequisite for Katniss Everdeen that no other young actress in Hollywood can even come close to matching Lawrence in--but The Hunger Games shows different facets of J. Law's personality that we've really only seen from her on the promotion trail. In a few moments, usually opposite Josh Hutcherson (also perfectly cast: a kid actor playing an eager-to-please contestant who knows how to get people to like him), she showed a charm and comic timing usually only seen from her on talk shows. And the flaming dress she wears while riding into the Capitol matches the fire bomb sexpot we saw at the 2010 Oscars when she wore that va-va-va voom red Baywatch dress. If we hadn't already seen it before, The Hunger Games proves that Jennifer Lawrence is the already the best actress of her generation.

02. Channing Tatum, 21 Jump Street

03. Armie Hammer, Mirror Mirror

Best Rental

01. History is Made at Night (Frank Borzage)

Married to a neurotic, possessive millionaire, Jean Arthur flees and falls in love with a charming Charles Boyer. Borzage, a well-kept secret of the studio era, keeps what could have been a farfetched, hand-ringing melodrama subtle and low-key, while Arthur, best known today for her Capra comedies, proves that she was as versatile an actress as any of her more well regarded contemporaries.

02. Metropolitan (Whit Stillman)

03. Possession (Andrzej Zulawski)

04. When Harry Met Sally... (Rob Reiner)

05. Sadie Thompson (Raoul Walsh)

Best Song

01. Lana Del Rey "Off to the Races"

Any initial skepticism I had about Ms. Del Rey was quickly erased after hearing this song. Lush, incredibly rich, and emotionally devastating, "Off to the Races" is five minutes of beautiful catharsis.

02. Nicki Minaj "Starships"

03. Dragonette "Let It Go"

04. Demi Lovato "Give Your Heart a Break"

05. Avicii "Levels"

Best Album

01. Justin Bieber, Believe

The teen sensation wisely matures while keeping an eye on the young fans who got him where he is. Easily the best teen pop album since Miley's Can't Be Tamed (and a perfect counterpoint on how to grow up from your teenage fandom without completely alienating them at the same time).

 

02. Madonna, MDNA

03. Kris Allen, Thank You Camellia

04. Lana Del Rey, Born to Die

05. fun., Some Nights

Best Music Video

01. One Direction "One Thing"

With music video budgets, especially those of young, up-and-coming artists, continuously getting slashed, artists have to be creative with the little money they have. None of One Direction's video have been what you'd call "big budget," but with "One Thing," they have finally found the perfect outlet to display their massive personalities. Punctuated with tiny, adorable moments (the choreographed "dance", Zayn's adorable head bob behind Louis), the "One Thing" video succinctly shows the One Direction boys as the adorable, ridiculous fellas we know them as.

02. Carly Rae Jepsen "Call Me Maybe"

03. Foster the People "Color on the Walls (Don't Stop)"

04. Madonna "Girl Gone Wild"

05. Madonna featuring M.I.A. & Nicki Minaj "Give Me All Your Luvin'"

Hottest (New) Guys

01. The Teen Wolf Boys

There's a reason "Have sex with all of the Teen Wolf boys" is number three on my bucket list.

02. Drake

03. Cody Rhodes

04. Jeremy Irvine

05. Clint Mauro

Imaginary Boyfriends of 2011

It's that time of the year again! Let's honor the hottest, most desirable and all-around attractive men, aka my Imaginary Boyfriends, from the past twelve months.

(And in case you are curious about my previous picks, check out 2008, 2009 and 2010).

Johan Akan

As soon as I saw a picture of Johan, my first reaction was, "Who is this guy?" He's one of those models who looks good clothed, naked, doing a serious shoot, an artsy shoot, a fun, personality-driven one or even one with the legendary Catherine Deneuve. In other words, Johan is the total package and one of the best new models around.

Douglas Booth

Some guys have it all. And a select few, like Douglas, manage to have it all at the ripe old age of 19. He's got the looks of a model, an impeccable fashion sense (or at least smart stylists) and a career on the rise, with both a Miley Cyrus comedy and the umpteenth adaptation of Romeo & Juliet in the works. I would hate him if he wasn't so damn attractive.

Dominic Cooper

I will admit that it took me way too long to warm up to Dom (I still blame that boner crusher Mamma Mia!). Thankfully, 2011 was the year I came to my senses and truly fell for the The Coop. It certainly helped that 2011 was also the year of The Devil's Double, wherein Dom stripped down in to his Speedo and then some. Repeatedly. Needless to say, it was a very good year for Dom's fans.

Leebo Freeman

A bit "out there" for my usual tastes in men, I'll admit, but there's something about that platinum blond hair, those piercings, the way he rocks sunglasses, his versatility in front of the camera and, of course, his body, that works for me.

Max George

One of my favorite pastimes these past six months has been getting drunk and then tweeting very inappropriate messages to Wanted frontman Max George. He hasn't responded back yet, which is probably for the best. But you can hardly blame me when he looks as good as he does, especially on his recent Attitude magazine cover; I'm pretty sure I tweeted him that if I was 14 years old, I totally would have masturbated to his photo shoot.

Ryan Gosling

The Occupy People Magazine movement, started after People picked Bradley Cooper over Ryan Gosling as this year's Sexiest Man Alive, had to be one of the funniest protests in ages. How those boneheads ended up going with Cooper, who isn't bad looking by any means but is really only mega famous because of The Hangover, over Gosling is beyond me. This past year will always be remembered as the one where Ryan Gosling went from respected to indie actor to full-fledged movie star, and as the one where the last stragglers finally fell under his charm. If that doesn't qualify you as the Sexiest Man Alive, I don't know what will.

Armie Hammer

I never rank my Imaginary Boyfriends because I feel that it's enough of an honor just to be mentioned (yes, I am that conceited) and it's a hard enough task narrowing the list down to this many people without having to rank them. With that said, I think we can all agree that My Man Armie would probably be my number one for 2011. I fell in love with his goofiness while making the press rounds for The Social Network, I died of happiness when I heard he was making out with a dude on film (even though said film was an Eastwood film and said dude was DiCaprio), I posed with his cover of Details magazine, I saw freaking J. Edgar at midnight on its opening day. If that doesn't qualify as obsessive behavior, I don't know what does. And you know what? I wouldn't take back a single thing.

Josh Hutcherson

Vanessa Hudgens tried to sink her nasty claws into Our Josh, but thankfully she moved on to someone no one really cares about. The year started off very well for Josh, as he looked perfectly adorable in his tux at the Oscars. Perhaps even more important, though, was his casting in The Hunger Games, which should finally launch him as one of the best young actors in Hollywood. I'm definitely Team whatever character Josh plays.

Max Irons

One of the most unbelievable sights in the movies this year was in Red Riding Hood where we are supposed to believe that the gorgeous Max Irons was somehow an undesirable suitor for Amanda Seyfried. On what planet is he not even competition for the equally attractive Shiloh Fernandez? Nonsense!

Steve Jones

The sexiest host on TV (sorry, Seacrest) made one of the most unbearable shows of the year almost watchable whenever he came on-screen, yelling at Nicole "Cunt" Scherzinger to make a goddamn decision already. I will never watch another episode of this God forsaken show ever again, but I still dream about Steve holding me backstage while my friend goes out and auditions for the judges and we nervous wait their decision.

Harry Judd

With their music career in limbo, what else was there for the McFly boys to do but get naked and appear on reality shows? Thankfully, none of the boys delivered on each of these fronts as well as Harry did. The boy has no shame, but with a body and a face like that, can you blame him? As if seeing GIFs of his performances on Strictly Come Dancing weren't hot enough, along came that Attitude cover. We've already seen Harry pretty much naked but that cover feels dirtier than anything we've seen him do before. A tip of the hat to you, Harry.

Zayn Malik

When One Direction was on X-Factor, I was a Liam girl, through and through. But then he came out with that horrible hairstyle, and I moved on to greener pastures. I didn't realize just how green those pastures were with Zayn Malik until I was a complete fangirl referring to myself as Mrs. Malik. I think Zayn is poised as the bad boy of the group (He has earrings. And he's gives good seriousface.), but whenever he smiles, his eyes light up the entire room, inspiring me to join thousands of other teenage girls writing fanfiction about how he spots me across the arena at his concert and immediately falls in love with me. Sigh. A girl can dream, right?

Chris O'Dowd

Chris can't really compete with the others on this list in the looks department, but he makes up for any (slight) deficiencies in looks with his personality and sense of humor. In Bridesmaids, he was the most realistic Prince Charming in a romantic comedy in years. As an added bonus, he doesn't look too shabby in a police uniform.

Anthony Perkins

I've always found Tony attractive--hello, Psycho--but 2011 was when my lust for him went into overdrive. I saw The Trial late in 2010 and, consequently, went on full-on binge of Perkins movies. With Tall Story and Five Miles to Midnight, most of them stunk to high heaven. But Tony was never less than super attractive, so at least I had his lean, lanky frame to stare at for the runtime.

Eric Saade

In a land full of gorgeous, sexy men, Saade stands out as one of Sweden's sexiest. He has the moves like Timberlake and the looks of a Greek god. You simply can't say no to someone this attractive.

Marlon Teixeira

Of all the male models in the world willing to get naked and show off (nearly) all the goods, do any do it as willingly and with such glee as Marlon Teixeira? I've seen more of his body than I have of some people I've been intimate with. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, as his body is absolutely bangin'. God bless those Brazilians, every one of them.

Aaron Tveit

I have been in love with Aaron Tveit ever since he guest starred on Gossip Girl as Nate's ultra preppy, Senate-seeking cousin, yet somehow I have never once included him on one of these Imaginary Boyfriends lists. For shame, Dame! In all honesty, it may have been the best to wait for 2011, as Tveit had what was perhaps his most high profile year ever. First, he starred in the musical version of Catch Me If You Can on Broadway, which produced a great soundtrack and the chance to see him perform at the Tony's (in a pilot's uniform!). Then, we saw him as a guest star on Law & Order: SVU as, much to my happiness, a former basketball star turned drug addict who was sexually abused by his childhood coach. He sings, he dances, he plays emotionally damaged boys; how can you not love this guy?

The 8 Hotties of Hanukkah: Armie Hammer

When I found out he was half-Jewish, I almost did a cartwheel. And given the fact that I like to move as little as possible, that means something.

Rants on J. Edgar

It's an odd sensation, walking out of a Clint Eastwood film thinking, "God, that was a queer film." But I suppose anything is possible after the strange, constantly evolving career he has had. A film about J. Edgar Hoover (played here by Leonardo DiCaprio), the notorious director of the FBI who fought for decades cleaning up crime while wielding considerable influence to "keep tabs" anyone he considered a potential enemy of America, sounds right up Eastwood's alley, particularly with his recent trend of historical-minded film such as Flags of Our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima and Invictus. But when you throw screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, Oscar-winning writer of Van Sant's Milk, into the mix, things are bound to be shaken up. And boy are they ever, as J. Edgar, through its attempt to synthesize Eastwood's style with Black's queer theorizing, becomes something far more than its lousy trailer or a brief description of the film suggests.

Most of Eastwood's usual stylistic tics--muted color palette, heavy shadows, plinky piano score--appear in J. Edgar, but they take on a whole different meaning than they would in any other recent Eastwood picture. Black's screenplay covers a lot of issues and themes, but the one he is primarily focused on is the relationship between Hoover and his "number two man" Clyde Tolson (the dreamy Armie Hammer). The two were notoriously close, but it was only after their deaths that rumors started to swirl that they were lovers. No one knows the exact nature of their relationship, so Black is only able to speculate within J. Edgar, depicting Hoover and Tolson as would-be lovers whose sexuality is so repressed Ennis and Jack from Brokeback Mountain would find them odd. Eastwood's visual flourishes enforce this theme, shrouding Hoover and Tolson in shadows and darkness. Their environment is so dark and suffocating they can't express their true feelings for each other. Even in their final moments, when Clyde is led upstairs by Edgar's maid to see his dead body, Clyde grieving for the love of his life is shoved in the corner of the frame, hidden completely by a dressing screen.

Besides the sexuality of Hoover, J. Edgar also discusses the mythologizing of his legacy as the head of the FBI. Throughout the film, we are privy to scenes where Edgar recounts his life story to a slew of young writers compiling a history of the bureau. This is clearly where Eastwood and DiCaprio are the most comfortable exploring, and it's probably not a coincidence that this is what I was the least fascinated by in the film. Eastwood enjoys unraveling long-held myths, as Unforgiven proved so magnificently, but here it doesn't always work as well. Or maybe it works too well since Eastwood and Black seem positively riveted by Hoover as this monolithic figure, standing up for the America he believes it should be. They drink his Kool-Aid, so to speak, and barring one scene, they don't even begin to question his contradictions. This only makes his comeuppance at the very end that much more swift and tonally unexpected. DiCaprio certainly doesn't help in this regard, as he appears to be more interested in portraying the prestige of Hoover rather than any remotely human aspect of him. We can understand why someone in Edgar's position feels the need to make himself into a legend, but through DiCaprio, we don't understand why Edgar himself does it. Only when DiCaprio verges into the queerness of Black's script, such as the brief moment at a nightclub where he stammers in embarrassment when he is asked to dance by a woman, do we even start to see a real human instead of a ideological mouthpiece.

 

J. Edgar works best when it explores the queerness of Hoover's life. The way Black explores this reminded me, oddly enough, of Tom Kalin's Swoon. Not artistically or in the execution, mind you, but in the way Black twists rumors with facts to create a could-be version of what really happened. The two people who understand what Black is attempting better than anyone else are Hammer and Dame Judi Dench as Edgar's mother. Hammer plays Tolson like an unmistakable queen, the type of character you would read as gay in a 1950s film even if no one comes out and says it. From the way he gasps "No" when Edgar divulges a secret about Eleanor Roosevelt's personal life to the scene where he helps Edgar pick out a brand new suit and tie, Hammer certainly stands out amid the blandness of his surroundings. But it's an interesting way to play the character, especially one who is so completely repressed with his emotions as Clyde is. In a way, his queerness becomes an embarrassment to the straight-laced Edgar--it's not surprising that in an early scene depicting Edgar's later life we only see Clyde as a shadow hidden behind the door of Edgar's office, almost haunting him like a Ghost of Christmas Past.

Dench's entrance in J. Edgar provides one of the best and truest meetings between Eastwood's visual language and Black's themes. As Edgar enters his home, calling for his mother, we see Dench slowly emerge out of a shadow, in all of her Baby Jane glory, as Eastwood's plinking on the piano melodramatically underscores the danger that lies ahead for Edgar. It's a moment straight out of a Grand Dame Guignol film, which Dench brilliantly understands how to play without veering too far on the side of camp. Later on, when Dench's character is telling her son a story about a young homosexual who was tormented and then killed himself after his secret was discovered, she highlights the frightening coldness of the woman, even toward the son she has smothered with love for the last 90 or so minutes. She only has a few scenes, yet Dench brilliantly captures this woman's heart of darkness masked by motherly warmth.

J. Edgar is not a perfect film: the synthesizing of Eastwood, Black and the actors doesn't come together a good portion of the time and parts of the film are stuck in Biopic Cliché Hell. But this film has something to say, or at least presents certain viewpoints in ways that are fresh and intriguing. This isn't Clint in top form, but it sure as hell beats listening to Angelina Jolie scream, "I WANT MY SON!" for two and a half hours. B-

10 Most Anticipated Performances This Fall

The fall season is upon this and with the changing leaves comes the Oscar season. So long, superheroes, hello, adults with problems! Needless to say, it's usually my favorite time of the year (although this spring and early summer will probably give the next few months a run for their money). To celebrate this season's commencement, I thought I would change things up a bit and share the performances I'm looking forward to the mos. Here they are in no particular order: 

Keira Knightley, A Dangerous Method

Since A Dangerous Method's premiere at Venice, the words "loud" and "in-your-face" have been used almost exclusively to describe Knightley's performance. Reaction has been mixed as to whether or not it works, but I absolutely love gutsy, go-for-broke performances. And Knightley has only grown in my esteem since Atonement.

Michael Fassbender, Shame

I could say that I'm mostly excited for this performance because Fassy is reteaming with his Hunger director Steve McQueen, but we all know I'd be lying. As soon as I heard the words "full frontal," my ticket was already bought. But Fassy is a great actor and he has been receiving rave reviews for this performance, so I'd be interested in this performance even if we didn't get a glimpse of the goods.

Sandra Bullock, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I don't care what anyone says, I'm still proudly a member of Team Sandy and her Oscar win back in 2009. This is why I'm curious to see if her first post-Oscar film will continue my fascination with this woman. Provided Stephen Daldry's adaptation of this acclaimed novel hits the right notes, I don't think Sandy will have a problem nailing this.

Armie Hammer, J. Edgar

The recent trailer left me cold, but if it did nothing else, it certainly raised my already considerable interest in Armie's performance in this film. The way I'm reading the trailer, he's playing the supportive wife role, which makes me smile because the thought of 6 foot 5 Aryan God Armie Hammer playing the docile supporting wife is hilarious in its own right. Plus he gets a shouting scene! Can you say "Oscar clip"? If we couldn't get Andy Garfield a nom last year, this should be an easier sell, right?

Kirsten Dunst, Melancholia

Lars von Trier has a way with actresses that is almost unparalleled (hello, Nicole Kidman in Dogville!). The fact that he decided to work with as unlikely of an actress as Dunst, whom will always be in my good graces for Bring It On alone, makes me think that he saw something truly special in her that will translate well in his apocalyptic film.

Charlize Theron, Young Adult

Theron has never been a favorite actress of mine (my three favorite performances of her are Monster, the "Crossfire" music video and that Dior ad where she undresses as she walks through a long corridor), but I know a lot of people who love and trust her even when her filmography might not warrant such devotion. The real story here is screenwriter Diablo Cody, who made even the insufferable Megan Fox temporarily interesting in Jennifer's Body. If she can work that same magic with the much more tolerable Charlize Theron in this film about a divorced loser returning home to rekindle an old romance, the results will be golden.

Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Marcy May Marlene

The fact that a member of the Olsen clan who is not one of the Olsen Twins is getting Oscar buzz is enough for me. What a delicious little story: sister of billionaire media moguls wows in low budget indie film.

Zac Efron, New Year's Eve

A bit of a silly choice, I know. But it has simply been far too long with out Efron on our movie screens (about 16 months by the time this comes out). On the plus side, New Year's Eve is a comedy, which is truly Efron's forte and Garry Marshall was able to get at least one interesting performance out of his last film in this vein, Valentine's Day.

Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

I have to say I'm mostly curious about watching the introverted, cerebral Williams portray an actress like Monroe, who achieved stardom with charm, warmth and massive sex appeal. The result could either be a beautiful disaster or a triumph. I, for one, am intrigued either way.

Jason Segel & Amy Adams, The Muppets

I was going to pick Sterling Knight & Selena Gomez as the duo from this film I'm most excited about, but I realize that they are probably only cameo roles and I don't want to get overexcited for 90 seconds of screentime. I don't, however, want to make it sound like I'm not interested in the main romance between Segel & Adams. These two are adorable on their own, so I don't know if we can handle their combined adorableness. I'm certainly willing to try, though.

OMGArmieHammerISTracyBacon

I've been trying to come up with the perfect cast for an imagined adaptation of my favorite book The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay for a couple of years now. I've got four of the five main roles locked in my mind. The one character I keep revising, however, is that of Tracy Bacon, the hunky, hulking paramour of one of the main protagonists, Sam Clay. The character is hard to cast simply because it requires an actor who is both an impressive physical specimen and a completely charming, softy romantic. You try thinking of an actor who fits both descriptions. It's a lot harder than you'd think! As you will see in that post I linked to earlier I originally came up with Kellan Lutz, who fit the role physically. But this was before I realize the dude can't act for shit. Shameless manwhore, yes. Thespian, not so much. Someone else recommended Chris Pine and I immediately fell in love with that suggestion. Okay, so Chris doesn't exactly have a towering presence, but he's built enough and this was summer of 2009 so I was riding on a wave of Star Trek love.

Pine has been my Tracy Bacon for two years now, but it was while flipping through Kavalier and Clay again awhile ago when I realized that after last year, we now have the perfect actor to play Tracy Bacon: Armie Hammer. I mean, think about it. He's got the tall and hulking part down (there's a reason JA at My New Plaid Pants refers to him as Six Foot Five Aryan God Armie Hammer), he is perfectly charming and adorable and, most importantly, he can act. Plus, we all know how much he loves mackin' on dudes after being cast in the new J. Edgar Hoover movie, and the Tracy Bacon role requires a bit of that. So, to sum everything up, Armie Hammer is perfect for this role and someone needs to write a miniseries treatment of this book. I will not stand for 600 pages of beautiful prose being condensed down into 120 minutes. Will not! Just think of all the Emmy's this shit would win just by default. Come on, HBO, get the ball rolling on this one. And while you're at it, make sure you cast Armie Hammer in a role he was born to play.

Half-Way Report for 2011

Top 5 Films

05. Source Code (Duncan Jones)

The tepid reviews really watered down any expectations, so I was surprised to find a fine mix of a great gimmick, intelligent action sequences and an achingly beautiful and unsentimental romance. Source Code had me under its spell the entire runtime, a spell that even a horribly botched ending couldn't completely break.

04. Scream 4 (Wes Craven)

Instead of phoning it in, Craven & Co. deliver another excellent installment in this horror franchise. Bonus points: will I have this much fun at another movie this year? I haven't been so giggly in a theatre since I saw Secretariat and my friend Sammi kept shouting "Oscar! Oscar!" at all of Diane Lane's big Moments.

03. Downton Abbey (Julian Fellowes)

Witty, absorbing and intelligent with a great ratio of serious and silly, Julian Fellowes' expansion of his Gosford Park was one of the most surprising things I've seen all year. And who says Masterpiece Theatre is only for old geezers?

02. Bridesmaids (Paul Feig)

This film had me at Kristen Wiig in raunchy female comedy. But who would have guessed just how funny and real it was going to be?!

01. Hanna (Joe Wright)

As you are all well aware, action films are not my favorite genre, but when you have an ace stylist like Joe Wright who knows how to construct images and scenes with a distinctive visual flair that don't feel gratuitous (unlike a certain other French Canadian director everyone is so crazy about), a bombastic score from The Chemical Brothers and a hard-as-nails lead performance from one of the only decent under 18 actors around, you have the very best film of the year so far. And I can't imagine not loving this by year end either.

Top 5 Performances

05. Michael Fassbender, Jane Eyre

Sex sex sex sex sex sex. He's practically dripping with testosterone and hard, angry lust in all of his best scenes in Jane Eyre.

04. Saoirse Ronan, Hanna

Who would have guessed that the same girl from Atonement would also be a total Ellen Ripley? Kudos to her for balancing the pathos with the ass-kicking.

03. Maya Rudolph, Bridesmaids

She obviously the straight woman to Wiig's whacked out nutiness, but she kills in her own comedic moments. Plus, Rudolph adds a touch of sweetness to the bawdy comedy surrounding her.

02. Dame Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Dame Maggie plays Dame Maggie here--a crusty old grandmother who won't stand for foolishness or foreign ideas--but no one does Dame Maggie like the legend herself. Her wonderful comedic timing ("What is a weekend?") punctuates and accentuates what could have been a dry melodrama.

01. Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

The fact that she plays a desperate, single maid of honor who can't hold a job, gets involved in sexual relationships with idiots who don't deserve her, likes to partaaaaaay and makes lots of penis jokes sounds like it was tailor-made for me. But, despite all the major (and deserved) guffaws, Wiig plays Annie with a sense of realness and legitimacy often ignored in comedies of this nature.

Top 5 Rentals

05. Europa Europa

A Holocaust film about survival from a different angle than you're accustomed to seeing. This one blew me away and not just because the male lead went full frontal in the first five minutes. (My review here)

04. Female

Without a doubt, the Pre-Code era was one of the most liberating for actresses. This film with Ruth Chatterton as a powerful CEO whose career is her life and men are just sexual playthings is one of the best from that period. It's not-so-subtle approach to sex will baffle audiences who think old films are all chaste and wholesome. (My review here)

03. The Last Command

Josef von Sternberg's tale of a former Russian general exiled in Hollywood as a silent film extra appears a tad farfetched on paper, especially when you consider that he begins work on a film directed by a Communist he personally sent to prison. Unbelievable or not, it's a great film, a fine example of the type of complex dramas Hollywood was able to crank out like clockwork in the Golden Age.

02. Billy Liar

Tom Courtenay is often forgotten among British New Wave heavies like Albert Finney and Richard Harris. A shame since many of his films and his performance hold up far better than any of Finney's (especially from this era). Billy Liar is a surprisingly funny and unself-conscious film for the period with Courtenay as our plucky hero, a working class chap who spends his days escaping his dreary existence through his own fantasy world. Julie Christie, of all actresses, lends support as his quirky and fun friend/possible love interest who encourages his fantasy.

01. The Prince and the Showgirl

This Laurence Olivier directed comedy about a stubborn, conceited prince (Olivier) and the vivacious, smarter-than-she-looks showgirl who falls for him (Marilyn Monroe) really should have been a disaster. The man who won an Oscar for Hamlet acting against Hollywood's most notorious "dumb blonde" bombshell? Get out of here. Somehow, by the grace of Oprah, it all came together in one of the most charming and funny romantic comedies of the 50's. Olivier is great playing the pompous cad, but Monroe is the real story here. Her umpteenth take on the showgirl role is one of the cleverest performances of her career, only outclassed by Some Like It Hot and The Misfits.

Top 5 Songs

05. Katy Perry "E.T."

An unusual but ultimately beautiful love song. Who would have guessed that after "I Kissed a Girl" Katy would have something like this in her?

04. Rihanna "Man Down"

The Rated R Era officially comes to an end with this reconciliation of that album's dark, violent imagery and the Loud Era's more commercial tendencies. The result is a brilliant synthesis of the two Rihanna polarities.

03. Eric Saade "Popular"

So gloriously over-the-top and manic how can you not love it?

02. Nicole Scherzinger "Don't Hold Your Breath"

My personal anthem for 2011. For serious.

01. Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

It has become my main goal in life to learn all the lyrics to this song. I'm getting pretty good, for a white guy, anyways, which is especially encouraging since this is one of Nicki's faster raps. Everything about this song is pure joy. I've listened to it 60+ times in just a month and a half and I haven't even come close to getting sick of it.

Top 5 Bonus Tracks, B-sides, Remixes & Other Assorted Non-Singles

05. Le Kid "Mr. Brightside"

The reason I don't dismiss every cover song on the planet is because of covers like this, a fun and bouncy reconfiguring of the Killers' big, somewhat dark pop anthem.

04. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls) (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

I'm not normally into remixes except in instances when they improve the original (and don't go on for 8 minutes at a time). Why Beyoncé hasn't done a full-blown dance album yet is beyond me.

03. Andrew Rannells "I Believe"

It's all about one lyric: "And I believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people (Black people!)"

02. Rihanna featuring Britney Spears "S&M (Remix)"

Slutty Britney is still my favorite Britney, so I can't tell you how excited I was to hear her inimitable voice moan out "Na na na come on" in the beginning. I know a lot of people either violently hated or shrugged their shoulders at this remix but not me. It's dumb and ridiculous and slutty and exactly the way a song called "S&M" should be.

01. Selena Gomez "Who Says (Dave Audé Radio Edit)"

A vast improvement over the midtempo original. Why this wasn't done as a dancefloor inspirational jam in the first place beats the hell out of me.

Top 5 Albums

05. Alexis Jordan, Alexis Jordan

A fine debut from a rising star. Nothing especially groundbreaking but it has become a compulsively listenable album in the months since I first heard it.

04. Original Cast, The Book of Mormon (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

Everything you would expect from a Matt Stone and Trey Parker skewering of the Mormon religion and then some. Even non fans of South Park would get a kick out of this.

03. Same Difference, The Rest Is History

Everyone's favorite slightly incestuous brother-sister pop duo Same Difference is back and all grown up this time. The glorious key changes are ditched in favor of sleeker, sexier dance pop. A refreshing and worthy follow-up to their fantastic debut.

02. Selena Gomez & The Scene, When the Sun Goes Down

In the matter of 18 short months, Selena has gone from Disney's fourth largest commodity (after the Brothers Jonas, Miley & Demi, obviously) to one of the brightest beacons of hope for the future of pop music. One of the album's key tracks, the killer "Whiplash," was co-written by the Queen herself, Britney, and it almost looks like a way of her passing the torch and giving approval to her eventual successor...

01. Britney Spears, Femme Fatale

...That is if Britney was ready to go anywhere. Twelve years into her career and Britney only gets better, constantly surprising us with the directions she is taking her music.

Top 5 Music Videos

05. Rihanna "S&M"

Rihanna is not really a music video artist, which is a shame because it's an area she should be excelling in. "S&M" is one of her rare videos that deviates from the "I'm just gonna stand around and look pretty" norm. I love the bright colors of the mise-en-scène and the way Rihanna goes balls the wall with the S&M imagery. If it wasn't for the hyper kinetic editing which distracts more often than it should, I'd say it was her masterpiece.

04. Britney Spears "I Wanna Go"

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out." As if Britney could be any more legendary. Has Britney ever had this much fun in a music video?

03. Hurts "Sunday"

A glorious reinterpretation of the Orpheus myth which builds on the well-established persona of Hurts as the most depressing, dapper duo in music today.

02. Beyoncé "Run the World (Girls)"

01. Robyn "Call Your Girlfriend"

I'm pretty sure I've said all I need to say about these two videos.

Top 5 Obsessions

05. Kylie Minogue's Discography
After Christmas, I randomly picked up a used copy of Kylie's Fever album and fell in love with it. Having such a major success with that one, I downloaded another. Yet again a corker, so I downloaded another. And the cycle went on and on until I had all of her studio albums in my possession. If anything, I'm grateful for this little jaunt of mine for making me realize the absolute brilliance that is "Your Disco Needs You" and, especially, "What Do I Have to Do".

04. Michael Fassbender in Jane Eyre and X-Men: First Class

He is the walking sex. I can't even. How did those actors get through their scenes without dropping their pants and bending over in front of him?

03. Brideshead Revisited

How did people watch miniseries before the invention of the DVD?  I don't know how I would have waited a week between installments of this popular British miniseries from 1981, starring Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews. I was like a carnivore as soon as that red Netflix envelope came in my mailbox, tearing it to shreads and rushing to put the DVD in the player. This series was so good, y'all, especially the first half with Andrews as the drole, alcoholic, guilt-ridden Sebasitan Flyte.

02. Tom Courtenay

I've become such an uber fan of Courtenay's in the past couple of months I watched Doctor fucking Zhivago again just for him and his Oscar nomination. Yes, I re-watched a bloody David Lean film for him. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

01. Random TLC Shows

Extreme Couponing. Toddlers & Tiaras. My Strange Addiction.  The best programming in all of television is on this channel. And to think I once dismissed TLC as the channel where every show is about midgets and obnoxiously large families.

Top 5 Hot Guys

(New/recent obsessions since this list would otherwise be all Michael Fassbender)

05. Marlon Teixeira

04. Eric Saade

03. Josh Hutcherson

02. Aaron Tveit

01. Armie Hammer

Top 5 Blog Posts

05. Dame Wears Black for Andy

I'm still in mourning.

04. Even My Grandma Thinks I'm Gonna Die Alone

In which even my lovely 84 year old grandma realizes that I am Liz Lemon.

03. Sex & Blue Valentine

My analysis of one sex scene that haunted me in Blue Valentine.

02. My Oscar Dream

Is this really how I'm gonna win my Oscar? Lord I hope so.

01. Top 10 Sonny With a Chance Moments

Goodbye, my beloved show. It was a great run while it lasted. Here's hoping the lovely cast finds much success afterwards (especially once this So Random! thing ends).

Gay Hoover and a Bad Teacher

Last year, I was looking forward to typical "Dame James films" such as films where women go insane (Black Swan, The Roommate), hot guys take off their shirts (Love and Other Drugs, The Eagle, The Fighter) and really gay stuff (Burlesque, Charlie St. Cloud). This year, however, is shaping up to be an unusual one, anticipation-wise. My most highly anticipated films of the year are a biopic from Clint Eastwood and a Cameron Diaz comedy. Feel free to do the Miley "Whuuuuuuut" right now; I'm just as confused myself. But let's discuss these films further.


J. Edgar is Clint Eastwood's biopic of J. Edgar Hoover, the famed head of the FBI for many, many years. I initially didn't care about it at all, especially once it was announced that Hoover's rumored homosexuality would be addressed and Leonardo DiCaprio and Joaquin Phoenix would be the ones making out. Fine actors, yes, but I really don't need to see those two mackin' on each other.

But then Joaquin dropped out and Armie Hammer was hired as his replacement. I liked him in The Social Network, but I'm slowly falling head over heels for him since his casting in J. Edgar. First of all, he's gorgeous. But, even more importantly, the man gives good interview. His greatest contribution, however, was telling Leonardo DiCaprio to "pucker up" for their love scenes in the movie. How incredible is that? I love that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to be this silly about kissing a bonafide A-lister like Leonardo DiCaprio. When you have a film as serious-minded as I'm sure J. Edgar is, and especially when you have an ultra-serious director/star pair like Leo & Clint, it's important to have someone like Armie Hammer who can joke about the project without diminishing its value.

Here is Armie in formal wear. Doesn't he look good? (The only acceptable answer is yes, by the way).


A couple weeks ago, the first behind the scenes footage was released and let's see if you can spot another reason why I would be excited for this project:

Yes, your eyes don't deceive you: that is Dame Judi MOTHERFUCKING Dench, the fiercest bitch around. She is apparently playing Leo's mom but I had no idea until I saw this clip. Let me tell you, I'm 99.5% sure I did the gay inhale at that point. I love her so much.

Secondly, isn't Armie a complete goofball? I love the random faces he makes for no apparent reason.



Kinda reminds me of this shot of Armie photobombing Chris Colfer at the SAG Awards (via).

What a dork. A hot, delicious dork.

The trailer for the new Cameron Diaz comedy, Bad Teacher, debuted only yesterday, but I was completely on board for this film from the first 20 seconds. I genuinely think Cameron Diaz is one of the most underrated actresses of our time. When she finds a good role she believes in, she absolutely nails it. Watch In Her Shoes, Being John Malkovich or There's Something About Mary again and you'll see that she has a range most actresses only dream of. True, she does choose shit movies over and over again, but I love seeing those rare moments when she truly shines. Bad Teacher is Cameron's return to raunchy, balls out comedy and I'm already dying of anticipation. I could tell that her character is one that would become endearing to me the moment she says "Fuck my ass" when she realizes that school is starting back up the next day. You know who also says "Fuck my ass" when they're extremely frustrated? Me. I just hope that the rest of the movie is able to keep up with Cameron. By the looks of the cast, give or take Justin Timberlake, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Hammer My Hoover

Poor Armie Hammer. The man has the body of a Greek god and was poised to be the breakout heartthrob from this year's The Social Network. Unfortunately, he had the bad luck to be cast alongside the one, the only Andy Garfield (aka The Sexhair) and, honestly, who could remember anything about Armie (both of him!) after sighing "Oh Andy!" for the millionth time? I know I couldn't. And it's not as if the boy doesn't deserve at least some of the adulation Andy received; he's an incredibly good looking dude. He was just really, really unlucky.

Until now, that is. Rumor is, Armie has gotten himself cast in the upcoming J. Edgar Hoover biopic, once known as Hoover but now going by the title J. Edgar (I guess they didn't want people to confuse it with the vacuum). This is big news for Mr. Hammer, as the film is set to be directed by Academy Award-winner Clint Eastwood, written by Academy Award-winner Dustin Lance Black and starring Academy Award-nominee Leonardo DiCaprio. Not exactly Grown Ups, is it? When I first heard about this project, I was not exactly foaming at the mouth for it. Not only is Eastwood not usually my cup of tea, the film also focuses on the alleged homosexual relationship between DiCaprio's Hoover and his second-in-command Clyde Tolson. The original rumor circulating was that Joaquin Phoenix was all set to play Tolson and I was all set to vomit in my mouth. Listen, DiCaprio and Phoenix are fine actors in the right situations, and are even kinda sexy in a certain mood, but I definitely don't need to see those two frumpy dudes making out. Not that I have any faith that Eastwood is going to focus any more than the bare minimum on their sexual relationship, mind you. Call me shallow, but I like my men making out with each other to be attractive. Is that too much to ask? I should hope not. By adding Armie into the mix, it makes the hotness of this couple increase tenfold. It's the price you must pay to get on the A-List, darling.