The Worst Films and Performances of 2008

With the Oscars less than ten minutes away, I thought it was appropriate to honor the worst of the year before we spend all night talking about the best. Of the 86 films I've seen so far in 2008, here are the stinkiest films and performances.

The 10 Worst Films:

10. Tell No One (Guillaume Canet)
This so-called "Hitchcockian" thriller has none of the humor, interesting plot twists or thrilling, ambiguous villains that comprised some of Hitch's best work. Instead, all we get are some dumb clichés, an annoying lead and a 10 minute explanation of the whole film that is entirely false.
9. Frost/Nixon (Ron Howard)
What a complete waste of time. Ron, just because you have a good play and actors who have done these roles 100 times before doesn't mean you can just sit back and let the cameras roll for two hours.
8. 21 (Robert Luketic)
I knew the exact trajectory of the main character (played her by Jim Sturgess) from the first five minutes. The rest of the film didn't make me want to stick around.
7. Changeling (Clint Eastwood)
On the plus side, Changeling gives you more for your dollar (always a good thing during this recession) since there are six separate stories packed into one film. On the negative side, none of them are any good.
6. Mamma Mia! (Phyllida Lloyd)
I believe I've already said enough on this movie in the above review, so I'll leave you with a thought from my friend Christi, "ABBA should sue them for ruining their songs." She is so right.
5. Untraceable (Gregory Hoblit)
Diane Lane, you deserve much better than this lame "thriller" that was nothing more than a complete waste of time. I seriously can't remember a thing about this movie besides Lane and Joseph Cross.
4. Jumper (Doug Liman)
Jamie Bell and Rachel Bilson, you both deserve much better than this lame "action" movie and playing second fiddle to the incomparably bad Hayden Christensen.
3. Camp Rock (Matthew Diamond)
I honestly wasn't expecting much from Disney's latest made-for-TV movie, but this was so bad it made High School Musical look like Chicago. As I mentioned in the review, Vanessa Hudgens could have showed up and I would have been grateful for it.
2. Prom Night (Nelson McCormick)
One of the funniest movies of the year. Too bad it was supposed to be a horror movie.
1. The Wackness (Jonathan Levine)
I've racked my brain for awhile and I honestly can not think of one even slightly redeeming factor in this movie. Of the other movies I gave an F to, Camp Rock at least had those slightly amusing bickering scenes between Nick and Kevin and Prom Night had Brittany Snow and a couple of good laughs, but The Wackness has absolutely nothing. The overly quirky and "street" dialogue assaulted my ears like the Blitzkrieg, Ben Kingsley's overacting made me want to die everytime he tried to be hip and funny and the film's depiction of a teenager's sexual awakening was both overly pretentious and boorish.

The Worst Performances:

Worst Actor
Hayden Christensen, Jumper
---How do you make me hate you from the opening monologue?
Joe Jonas, Camp Rock
---You would think that as soon as they filmed that first scene in the limosine, where Joe can't even put the right emphasis on any of the lines, that the producers would have realized they picked the wrong Jonas Brother to star in this film.
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
---I will give him the benefit of the doubt on some of the dialogue because he was given some truly awful, but some of those facial expressions (especially during the scene where he first meets Bella in the science classroom) were hilarious when they should have been serious and/or scary.

The Loser:
Hayden Christensen

Worst Actress
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
---You would think that after three films with the same character, she would finally learn how to not embarrass herself; you thought wrong. This is just as atrocious as anything in the first two films.
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
---An Oscar nomination for this phoned-in performance?! That is, if you call repeating the same three lines (all containing the phrase "MY son" in them) over and over again and smashing a plate against the wall.
Meryl Streep, Mamma Mia!
---The worst performance I've ever seen from the great Meryl. I've never seen her overact that much.

The Loser:
Meryl Streep

Worst Supporting Actor
Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!
---Normally, when you cast a musical, you cast someone who can sing. Apparently someone missed this memo.
Colin Firth, Then She Found Me
---Not necessarily bad, but he's in a completely different film from Helen, Bette and Matthew.
Ben Kingsley, The Wackness
---This guy has an Oscar? What the hell?
Diego Luna, Milk
---He stands out among the cast. Unfortunately, it's not in a good way.
T.J. Miller, Cloverfield
---Shut the fuck up already and get eaten by that monster.

The Loser:
Ben Kingsley

Worst Supporting Actress
Malin Akerman, 27 Dresses
---Akerman was given a prime role (bitchy, whiny younger sister) in this slightly above average rom com and she completely ruins it. Over the top and just plain annoying.
Monique Coleman, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
---I never noticed before HSM3, but Coleman is quite an awful actress, isn't she? She only has a couple of lines and yet she completely butchers all of them.
Meghan Jette Martin, Camp Rock
---Also given a prime role (the "Regina George" of Camp Rock) and completely ruins. Makes all the wrong choices comedically and her "crying" scene is atrocious.
Thandie Newton, W.
---It's so out there and different from the rest of the ensemble that I'm not sure if it's the worst performance I've ever seen or a whole new way of acting being born.
Dame Julie Walters, Mamma Mia!
---Oh my God, the Wicked Witch of the West has come back to life! Run for your life! Argh, that cackle will haunt my dreams forever!

The Loser:
Dame Julie Walters

"Well, you know that Angelina's a bitch."

Exact quote from my mother while we were discussing Jennifer Aniston's latest antics and how she's probably going to either hold Brangelina hostage during a random premiere for Benjamin Button in Japan or just kidnap Pax. Either or, I'm still on her side; Angelina can suck it.

It's Supposed to Be Oscar Season, Right?

Then where exactly are all of the Oscar contenders? How can it be November 7th and I'm deciding between seeing Role Models or High School Musical 3: Senior Year (for the third time!) this weekend? I don't live in a huge city so I'm not expecting to get something like I've Loved You So Long or Rachel Getting Married (although that would be nice) but come on, Hollywood. I know you're not exactly predictable or especially kind to people like me (you know, people who like serious films) but I'm dying here. Last year at this time, I was going to see Michael Clayton, Eastern Promises, Into the Wild and American Gangster and while none of them completely knocked me out, they were serious films made for grown-ups. Do you want to know the best grown-up film in my area? Changeling, and I'm really dreading seeing that since I'm not particularly fond of Clint Eastwood or Angelina Jolie (and I've heard it's not even that good anyways). On the plus side, I guess this means more time for playing catch up with movies from earlier this year that I missed. Yay?

Random Top 10: Things I've Been Doing Instead of Updating

10. Watched a few episodes of Damages
And I'm loving every minute of it. Not only is Glenn Close fan-fucking-tastic (as always) but the show is so addictive I just want to go on a binge and watch the whole season in one sitting. I'm only three episodes in, but it's sucked me in just like Desperate Housewives and Flavor of Love did.

9. Saw both High School Musical and High School Musical 2...again
I am so not proud of myself for this one. I know both of them are complete shit (HSM 2 more so) but they are such perfect movies to sit around with friends and mock for a few hours. Plus, Ashley Tisdale as over-the-top diva Sharpay Evans delivers my new favorite quote in the first HSM: "Evaporate, tall person."

8. Saw Sweeney Todd...and loved it
People aren't lying...it really is Tim Burton's best film since Ed Wood. Johnny Depp was fantastic yet again and Helena Bonham Carter may not have the greatest voice but she understood Mrs. Lovett. And I normally hate kid actors (they're usually so pretentious and annoying that I just want to slap them...Abigail Breslin accepted, of course) but Ed Sanders was a real standout as Toby. Someone sign this kid up for a remake of Oliver!- he would be amazing.

7. Relived the 90's through VH1's Top 100 Songs of the 90's
So I'm only old enough to really remember the music from the last 3 or 4 years of the decade, but it was fun to go back and reminisce on what I could. Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was predictably number one, but I couldn't believe the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" was so high (like number three or something). If they were going to pick one, they should have went with "As Long As You Love Me" (which is still their greatest song). And was it just me or was Destiny's Child's "Say My Name" released in 2000? Maybe that's just when I first heard it or something, but that's what I seem to remember.

6. Mourned because the finales of my reality shows came on
America's Next Top Model. I Love New York 2. A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. They all ended pretty much on the same week and it was quite a shock to the system. I need to find some new ones for the upcoming semester (praise Allah for American Idol, which starts soon).

5. Celebrated Christmas
I got Seasons 1 and 2 of House, the Criterion Edition of Breathless, some delicious truffles and washcloths and handtowels (which I desperately needed).

4. Worked on Year End Shit
My Diva Cup Awards won't be coming out for a few months (I have to catch up on movies) but my top songs and albums of the year are starting soon and should finish whenever I get done.

3. Noticed that the anti-Cotillard faction is starting full-force
I read this review of La Vie en Rose this morning and realized that the Cotillard-bashers are filled with venomous rage at her miracle of a performance and are making the J. Hud haters look like they didn't really give a shit. I guess I'll have to start preparing my defense of Cotillard like I did with my girl J. Hud.

2. Caught up on some 2007 films
Besides Sweeney Todd, I managed to see Away From Her and A Mighty Heart (in which Christie acts beautifully and Jolie ACTS, respectively), Sicko made me angrier and sadder than I've ever felt in a film, No Country For Old Men was breathtaking, but definitely deserves a second viewing (or three), The Lives of Others wasn't as spectacular as I thought it was going to be but it was still a mighty fine film (with a perfectly touching ending) and Ratatouille let me down in so many ways: for me, it didn't work as an adult film (no sly humor and rather aimless) or as a kids' film (no interesting, kid-friendly characters and the subject matter)

1. Working
Ugh, I spent so much time at work I wanted to hang myself. I don't want to get fired for naming names, but the soul suckers at my place of employment had me working WAY too many hours during my break. But now I'm done and can enjoy my last few days.

Best Actress Oscar Contenders: Christie vs. Jolie

Over the past couple of days I have caught up with a couple of Big Names competing for this years Best Actress Oscar: Julie Christie in Away From Her and Angelina Jolie in A Mighty Heart. Both actress are nominated for the Best Actress in a Drama Golden Globe and will be duking it out with Cate Blanchett, Jodie Foster and Keira Knightley.



I saw Christie first, so I'll start with her. While the film was, admittedly, kind of slow and Gordon Pinsett's quiet suffering got on my nerves, Julie Christie was fantastic. Where she could have went loud, overdramatic and "Look at me, I have Alzheimer's!", Christie is subtle but has enough fire that she doesn't become Nicole Kidman in The Hours boring. Even while she's slowly losing her mind, she is just as sexy as she was in Darling 42 years ago- that's something I thought I would never see. My favorite moment of her's has to be when she's watching the news and during footage of the Iraq War she utters, "Have they forgotten Vietnam?" Not only is it a haunting moment in the film, it scares the fuck out of me because even a woman with Alzheimer's can see the problems with the war.


Jolie, on the other hand, wants you to know that she isn't just playing Mariane Pearl, but she is also ACTING. Every gesture she makes, every accented word, every worried expression seems like a calculated attempt to prove that Jolie can act. Even that scene where Jolie finds out the fate of her husband is done more as a showcase for her to show us she's ACTING than because it fits in the film well. Her ridiculous screaming, which goes on for a minute straight, gets so awkward and overly-dramatic that all you can do is laugh at her. I don't know why she's trying so hard because we've already seen her do great work in Girl, Interrupted and last year's The Good Shepherd.