Sunday, September 7, 2008

A Message to Hollywood About Horror Films

Dear Hollywood,

Prom Night (Nelson McCormick, 2008)
This is not how you do horror movies. Seeing horribly boring and trite caricatures of modern teenagers being randomly slashed to death by a psychopath is not scary. At all. And when you're actually so bored with the movie that you get up while the film is playing, toast a bagel, come back and realize that you haven't missed a thing, that's a pretty tell-tale sign that things aren't working. Don't even get me started about that screenplay, ugh. What was the point of introducing that bitchy prom queen wannabe when the killer wasn't going to kill her (or get anywhere near her for that matter). And why would you go back in and grab a shawl when there is a fucking fire alarm going off and why is no one at all concerned that the building could errupt in flames at any second. Brittany Snow, please, for the sake of our relationship, pick a good movie next time. You are so above this crap it's not even funny. F

Bug (William Friedkin, 2007)
This is how you do horror films. Friedkin, director of what I consider the scariest movie I've ever seen (The Exorcist) is back and better than ever. His slow buildup to that frightening third act (you can definitely see Bug's stage origins, but it's surprisingly not much of a problem) perfectly brought us into a state of mind that made Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon's decension into madness some of the most unsettling and nervewracking shit I've ever seen. Oh my God, it's been a week and I'm still a little shaky just thinking about it. It may seem a little farfetched, but in the right vulnerable state of mind, this could probably happen to anyone. B+


FDot said...

Oof, you're a stronger man than I for sitting through Prom Night. Any film that wants to market itself as horror but carries a PG-13 rating will never have its images before my eyes.

Glenn said...

Prom Night is (so far) the best comedy of the year. Absolutely hysterical. And I saw it in a cinema full of other people who were laughing so it was like a communal mocking of the movie.

Apart from the "Oh, I forgot my shawl" moment my favourite was the black chick in the construction sight bumping into everything possible. PLUS nobody ever had any stab wounds. they just had some blood on them but their clothes were still intact.