Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I have never seen Rosemary's Baby

Yes, I've seen Step Up three times, but I've somehow never stumbled upon Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby. In all honesty, I'm actually quite embarrassed about it. It's not like Rosemary's Baby is some obscure foreign film from Kazakhstan- it's really quite known, even among non-cinema buffs. Plus, it has Mia Farrow and a batshit crazy Ruth Gordon (Maude!)...why am I not watching this right now?!

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I've just seen my first episode of The Girls Next Door and, although it was predictably awful, I'm still embarrassed I actually watched it the whole way through.

I usually don't claim to be a beacon of classiness when it comes to my TV viewing habits because Lord knows I watch some crappy, completely trashy shows (Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Charm School, I Love Money, America's Most Smartest Model, Real Chance of Love, A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila...I've watched them all) but I always avoid any of the reality shows on E!. Why waste hours of my life watching them we I can see all of them boiled down into a 10 second clip on The Soup every week? Well, this weekend, I was over my friends' apartment and nothing else was on after The Soup, so we just left E! on and watched The Girls Next Door. Holy shit! Bad idea, to say the least. I swear to God I permanently lost some brain function watching that garbage. The episode revolved around Holly redecorating the Bunny House across the street when a couple of new playmates move in. Holly decides it would be fun to have a painting party and, inevitably, it turns stupid rather quickly. They start drawing boobs on the wall and, bored with all of the "hard work," Kendra (the one with the annoying laugh) decided to paint her breasts and leave a breast print on the wall. But Miss Smart One fails to realize that paint will stain and has a hard a time getting all the paint off, eventually turning her nipples a Pepto Bismol pink for awhile. The interviews these ladies give were also enlightening, to say the very least. At one point, one of them- I think it was either Holly or the one who's not Kendra- describes one of the new girls as, "fun and funny and totally fun to be around" (which, of course, prompted me to be an asshole to my friends and say, "You're so fun and funny and hilarious!"). Seriously, I've heard Paula Abdul give a more coherent and intelligent interview. To sum it up, this show is shit and I hope I never have to watch it again.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I think that Shia LaBoeuf is one of the skankiest, ugliest people I've ever seen and can't understand why so many people find him attractive.

I know that this confession won't make the most popular kid on the playground, but I can't deny what's in my heart. Everything about him just gives me the creeps, from his grotty slicked back hair to the child molester facial hair in the above picture to the dirty aura he radiates like an alcoholic hobo. Yuck. I guess I should mention that another reason I don't like him is because he reminds me of one of my best friend's completely awful ex-boyfriend who she went out with twice (even when I told her not to!) and treated her like shit. A bit biased? Maybe, but I'm allowed.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I still haven't seen High School Musical 3: Senior Year yet.

I know! I can't believe it either! I've been talking about it for months and now it's Sunday and I still haven't gotten around to seeing it. Blurg. Well, barring a nuclear holocaust or something equally catastrophic, I'm getting my ass to the nearest theater to finally see this damn movie this afternoon. I can't wait! I've already been hearing from a certain someone that La Tisdale gives her best performance yet in the trilogy and verified that she is, indeed, Oscar worthy. Yipee!

P.S. Remember to write positive comments about Ashley Tisdale in your reviews of HSM3 and I'll link your review to my campaign headquarters!

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I like one Nickelback song.

I know, right? It's a proven fact that Nickelback is the worst band in the history of music. Every time I hear "How You Remind Me", "Rockstar", "Photograph", "If Everyone Cared", "Far Away" or "Savin' Me" a little piece of me wants to die. Or just bang my head through a concrete wall. But, they do have one halfway decent song that, somehow, among the many piles of turds that they've released during the course of their soulless career, gets ignored. The song is "Too Bad" and it was released right after the mega-success of "How You Remind Me" (their breakthrough in America). It figures, however, that the one song I like of theirs is the one that wasn't played every 14 minutes on the radio. That's probably for the better because I can now listen to it and not want to swallow a bottle of asprin.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I can't stand most of the Gus Van Sant films that I've seen.

My Own Private Idaho was a good film, even if River Phoenix's epic performance overshadows it in my mind, and I didn't mind most of Drugstore Cowboy (ditto on Matt Dillon). But Good Will Hunting? Gerry? Elephant? Give me a break. Can you say pretentious jerk off much? Good Will Hunting is so corny and trite that I wanted to vomit and, coincidentally, it started my unnatural hate for Matt Damon (which thankfully ended after The Departed). Gerry is two hours of Matt Damon and Casey Affleck wandering around the desert and I wanted to rip my eyeballs out; I like long takes as much as the next person, but do I really need to see a five minute take of Matt and Casey walking and saying and doing nothing? Elephant isn't a horrible film, per se, but it's more of the same endless long takes with very little story going on. I really hope I like Van Sant's upcoming Milk. Every time I see the trailer, I want to see it more and more, so let's hope that he's finally made a movie for me.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

For no reason whatsoever, I completely detest Tim Robbins as an actor.

He's been in a couple of great films (Bull Durham, The Shawshank Redemption), some generally good films (The Player, The Hudsucker Proxy) and he directed the great anti-death penalty film Dead Man Walking, but I just can't stand looking at Tim Robbins whenever I see him on screen. He does absolutely nothing for me as an actor. I've seen a pile of dirty laundry with more personality than Tim Robbins. And the Lord only knows what Susan Sarandon sees in him to keep her interested for 20 years. She's so fabulous and he's so meh.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I like The Madonna's Hard Candy more than Confessions on a Dance Floor

I realize this may not seem like a huge deal, but among Madonna fans, Confessions is the masterpiece and Hard Candy is just a mild diversion until her next, greater album. While I enjoy Confessions a great deal ("Hung Up" is one of the finest songs of The Madonna's career and "Sorry," "I Love New York," and "Jump" are great as well) I just don't find it as stimulating as Hard Candy. I can put Confessions on and play the whole thing without even realizing that there are 12 tracks instead of one long song. For some people, this may be a positive and I have nothing against that, but I like a little variety when listening to an album. Hard Candy has this variety I desire (how many albums can go from the 80's throwback "Heartbeat" to something as deep and personal as "Miles Away"?) and, consequently, I have listened to it many more times than Confessions.

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I think Kim Kardashian is really pretty.

Is she as dumb as a box of rocks? Sure. Is Joel McHale correct in saying that she's "famous for having a big ass and a sex tape"? Absolutely. Is her show so trashy that it makes The Girls Next Door look classy? Yup. But, by God's good grace, she's a very attractive individual.

And that ass...

Wow