Random Top 10: Sexiest Movies Ever

Entertainment Weekly recently picked "The 50 Sexiest Movies Ever" in their November 28th issue and, predictably, the list sucks. Major balls. Not only does it skew newer (as their "...Greatest Ever" lists always do) but some of their entries don't make any sense at all. His Girl Friday at #2? Really? I know it's been awhile (and I'm really not it's biggest fan), but I seriously don't remember anything that screamed "sex!" at me. Once at #11?! You mean that movie in which the main guy tries to woo the girl in the first scene, finds out she's married, gives up and spends the rest of the time making his average indie music? Yeah, I couldn't keep my erection down during that one. Since EW's choices sucked so much, I have decided to offer my picks for the 10 sexiest movies ever.

10. It Happened One Night (1934)
Coming at the beginning of the Hays Production Code, which limited the amount of "morally objectionable" content on screen to absolutely zero, It Happened One Night managed to sneak in almost undetected by the censors. Not only is the witty repartee brimming with sexual tension, but the individual moments (The Walls of Jericho, Clark Gable taking off his shirt, the dreamy moment in the hay, Claudette Colbert trying to catch a ride) make it even steamier.

9. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)
Sure, Brick (Paul Newman) is a sexually confused, alcoholic who wants nothing to do with his wife-in-heat, Maggie (Elizabeth Taylor), but Cat on a Hot Tin Roof captures the sweaty, lusty atmosphere of a hot summer day in the Deep South unlike any film I've ever seen. Through Maggie's constant pleading, every slight touch and gaze between her and her unresponsive husband radiates more lustiness than you could possibly imagine.

8. The Lady Eve (1941)
Barbara Stanwyck practically glows with sexual prowess everytime she appears on-screen, no matter the genre, but she was never more lust-worthy than when she seduces a nerdy Henry Fonda (who was just returning from a year long expedition studying snakes in the Amazon) in her cabin, purring into his ear and slowly running her fingers through his hair. This is one sexy scene that would straighten any anaconda.

7. Romeo and Juliet (1968)
I've already talked about this one at length, but let me just reiterate: forbidden love + tight 16th century pants + Leonard Whiting's naked butt = Hot, Hot, Hot.

6. Black Book (2007)
Carice van Houten is a sex goddess. Whether she's being rescued by a hunky sailor or saving her ass from the concentration camp by sleeping with a high-ranking Nazi, van Houten always knows how to turn on the audience in Black Book. I should know: that first sex scene between her and Sebastian Koch turned me on in ways I never thought a straight sex scene could.

5. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Normally, guns and violence completely turn me off, but with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway behind the guns and perpetrating the crimes, murder and bank robbery has never looked more stylish and glamorous.

4. Flesh and the Devil (1927)
When people complain about old movies, especially silent pictures, being completely irrelevant and sexless, they should be pointed towards Flesh and the Devil as a counter example to this stereotype. Real-life lovers Greta Garbo and John Gilbert are so intimate in their first alone moment that I swear that they were only moments away from penetration. And no one but Garbo could make drinking from a communion glass so erotic.

3. Breathless (1960)
The relationship between Jean Seberg's papergirl and car thief Jean-Paul Belmondo is charming throughout the entire film, but it is during the 20+ minute interlude in Seberg's apartment that the sexiness really emerges. Belmondo, clad only in his boxers, and Seberg sit around and talk about nothing in particular, but it's all charming and sexy in it's own French way.

2. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Okay, so although I've scene rape scenes in other films that were less uncomfortable than the first sexual encounter between Ennis and Jack in Brokeback, the facts are the rest of the little time they spend together over the next 20 years include some very hot moments. Case in point, their first "real" love making scene in the tent or their first embrace after meeting for the first time in four years.

1. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
I know that the celebrated three-way, which turns into a full-on Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal makeout session part way through, is the piece de resistance of this film (Lord knows I've rewound that scene a good 10 or 15 times); however, many of the other sex scenes between either Gael, Diego and Maribel Verdu are just as hot, dirty and erotic as that scene. I've never seen a film before that has celebrated sex in such an open way and actually made it look sexy without depicting it unrealistically (Diego finishes way too early for Maribel's liking during their scene together). Y Tu Mamá También is the rare film that will turn you on but also make you think and feel for these characters beyond the sexpots they are.

Rants on Anna Karenina (1948)

I've never read Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. I realize it's a classic and all that jazz, but who the Christ has the time to wade through 800 pages of a critique on 19th century Russian society and mores? I certainly don't. I tried to be intelligent in high school and checked it out from the library once; I got exactly three pages in before I, not understanding a damn word of what was going on, returned it a few weeks later. Instead, I relied on the two Greta Garbo versions of the story (1927's Love and 1935's Anna Karenina). While neither of them particularly blew me away, they were fine melodramas that cut right through Tolstoy's apparent social commentary and focused on the tragic love affair (and who's going to deny that Garbo was absolutely fantastic in both of them).

Now, this brings us to the 1948 version of Anna Karenina (Julien Duvivier, 1948) starring Vivien Leigh as the tragic Anna. The story remains the same- Anna breaks society's "rules of the game" by leaving her husband and son to live in sin, unmarried, with a dashing young count- but Duvivier sticks closer to the book, I presume, by focusing more on the societal impact of Anna's decision than on the physical attraction between her and Vronsky. This is all well and good, and I'm sure that in the book it makes for deep, thought provoking material, but when done this coldly and impassionately, it doesn't exactly make for the most fascinating film, you know? Countless scenes go by in which some character (usually either Anna or Ralph Richardson's Alexander) lament about how cruel society is and that they really want to act in one way but can't because it isn't "proper"; instead of feeling for these characters, all I kept thinking was, "Get on with it, damnit!"

Even the romantic scenes between Anna and Count Vronsky- which positively smoldered in the Garbo versions- feel flat and detached. I suppose you can blame that on the fact that this is a British production- they have always been more of a "stiff upper lip" sort of people- but it shouldn't have felt this off. There's really no chemistry between Leigh and Kieron Moore to speak of. So, if the social commentary is boring and the romance is a dud, what is there to even be excited about in this version of Anna Karenina? To be honest, nothing. Julien Duvivier's direction is so plain Jane and passionless that it's honestly quite to hard to even get invested into the story. For the most part, the film looks like it was shot in the manner of a stage play with it's poor script and shoddy camerawork. Perhaps the most disappointing thing about Anna Karenina is, however, Vivien Leigh's performance. I know it's unfair to place the expectation on an actress that every performance has to be her greatest ever, but I honestly never foresaw a time when Leigh would ever be less than perfect. She's not bad here by any means; she's just very underwhelming. A lot of the time, it felt like she was recycling leftover bits of Scarlett O'Hara, only minus the charm, sophistication and wit of that epic performance. Leigh was good at the very the end when she's wandering around the train station, driven mad by her lover's betrayal, but it doesn't make up for the last 110 minutes of mediocrity. If only Duvivier had gotten this level of risk and bravura from Leigh earlier, he just may have saved her performance and this dreary film. C

20 Favorite Actresses Meme

When I saw this over at The Film Experience a couple of days ago, I immediately decided that I was going to do it whether or not I was actually tagged by someone. I have been super busy the past couple of days and couldn't take the amount of time necessary to give this the attention it deserves. Well, now I do have the time and it just so happens that I was tagged not only once, but twice! Thanks guys and without further ado, here are my 20 favorite actresses, in no particular order.

Katherine, Greta, Bette, Meryl, Marie
Glenn, Marilyn, Thelma, Joan, Greer
Mary, Babs, Elizabeth, Dame Judi, Vivien
Norma, Judy, Nicole, Olivia, Faye

My apologies to the also-rans: Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Joan Allen, Susan Hayward, Eleanor Parker, Jean Harlow, Diane Keaton

My tastes actually skew more toward the older, but that's mostly because I lived and breathed TCM during high school and fell in love with many of the lovely, beautiful and talented ladies. If anything, I'm actually much weaker when it comes to the 80's, 90's and early 2000's. But, of course, that just means there's always great actresses to discover and possibly change this list in the future.

EDIT: I just realized that I forgot to tag some people so I choose Marcy @ Because I Saw the Film, Kayleigh @ Shiny Happy Blog, Michael @ My Stuff and Cr*p and Vera @ Vera's Big Gay Blog.

Corny and The Divine One: Happy Birthday!

A couple of "Happy Birthdays" are in order for two very different actors: one of whom I love dearly and judge all other actresses by and the other whom I'm growing quite fond of:

JAMES MARSDEN (Today he is 34)

and, The Divine One herself, GRETA GARBO (She would have been 102)

After seeing Hairspray, I've grown quite fond of James Marsden. He was so super in that movie (plus, he was the only watchable thing about Superman Returns) that I wish he could find another film that will use his talents to good use. He stars in Disney live-action fairytale Enchanted in November as a prince trying to find his lost princess (Amy Adams) in New York City. Glancing at the trailer, it looks like this could be a very good year for Mr. Marsden.

It's hard to even know where to begin with my love for Garbo. How about some common knowledge: She is one of the greatest actresses in the history of film. Bar none. During her hey-day in the late 20's and 30's, she was the most beloved and respected actress in Hollywood. With brilliant performances in films such as Devil and the Flesh, The Kiss, Anna Christie, Mata Hari, Queen Christina, Anna Karenina, Camille and Ninotchka, it's no wonder why, even back then, she was considered the greatest of them all. If you haven't seen any of her work, go out and see something now! I've seen every American film she's been in (there are two German films, The Joyless Street and The Saga of Gosta Berling, that I've yet to catch) and, even if the film sucks, she is just wonderful to watch. I could go on and on about why I love her, but I think her work can speak for itself.

Happy Birthday James and Greta!

Oscar Bitch Fight: 1939

Welcome to my first installment of Oscar Bitch Fight! For this fight, I will be discussing the Best Actress nominees for what is considered the best year in filmmaking- 1939. I would like to thank StinkyLulu for his support and for allowing me to do this series since it is kind of a knock-off of his wonderful "Supporting Actress Smackdown" series. Please visit his blog here and read his wonderful thoughts about "actressing at the edges." And without further ado, here are the nominees…

Bette Davis, Dark Victory

Easily Bette’s greatest performance of the 1930’s and one of her best overall (there are still a couple I would rank higher). Her early scenes as socialite bitch Judith Traherne are classic Bette- she chews up scenery with as much velocity as in her underrated performance in Dangerous- and she plays them with all the energy and zest she has. But, Bette’s true test as an actress comes when Judith is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She believably transforms into a softer woman, falling in love with her doctor and basically living life before she dies- which makes the beautifully done ending that much more effective and tear-jerking.

Irene Dunne, Love Affair

Normally, I love my Irene Dunne in screwball comedies (especially The Awful Truth- my favorite performance of hers), but there is something endearing about her work in Love Affair. Her natural chemistry with an also swell Charles Boyer is hardly expected but proves essential to the film (well, it is called Love Affair for God’s sake- you hope there would be something between them). Not exactly a rave-worthy performance, but Dunne more than holds her own and that final scene with her and Boyer is underplayed to perfection.

Greta Garbo, Ninotchka

Arguably, the finest performance the divine Greta Garbo ever gave. With so many fantastic chances to poke fun at her stiff Scandinavian self, a great director (Ernst Lubitsch) who believed in her untapped comedic talents and that iconic tagline (“Garbo Laughs!”), Ninotchka was the one time Garbo didn’t have to play the tragic heroine and actually got to have fun with a role. Her comedic timing is unbeatable- case in point, the scene where she asks Melvyn Douglas “Must you flirt?” to which he replies, “Well, I don’t have to, but I find it natural” and she responds with “Suppress it”- and up there with the great screwball comediennes of the era. It’s a shame that her next film (and comedy) Two-Faced Woman bombed so horribly and that Garbo never worked again in any film.

Greer Garson, Goodbye, Mr. Chips

A fine performance by one of the best actresses of the era who has, unfortunately, been quietly forgotten. Garson is a nice breath of fresh air in this stodgy film as the woman who finally lightens Mr. Chips up and her scenes prepare us for her fantastic work in the 40’s. With that said, her role really is too small to be seriously considered against these other giants (I’m not sure on an exact time, but she seems to come and go pretty quickly) and should have been downgraded to Best Supporting Actress.

Vivien Leigh, Gone With the Wind

Leigh is so perfect in this role that it’s almost frightening how fantastic she is. In the hands of Leigh, Scarlett becomes, at once, both a realistic and gritty Southern belle turned hard by the war and a grandiose, larger than life figure. It almost makes me shudder when I think about who David O. Selznick might have cast instead of her: Bette Davis (a goddess but would have dominated every scene she was in and would have torn her cast mates into shreds) or Paulette Goddard (a great comedienne but I can’t imagine her carrying this whole film) or Jean Arthur (another great comedienne but I can’t imagine her doing any sort of the physical labor that Scarlett and not slipping in a wisecrack or two). Even if you are not a fan of the film, you have to recognize the brilliance of Leigh’s performance.

Along with my own opinion, I asked my best friend and fellow Gone With the Wind fanatic Christi Brinker to weigh in on Ms. Leigh’s performance:

After watching Gone With the Wind for the first time, I was surprised to learn that Vivien Leigh was from England. Her Southern accent is so realistic as well as sweet and endearing. My favorite part of her performance is her facial expressions. I love the scene where she is getting ready for the barbeque at Twelve Oaks and she is arguing with Mammy. Mammy puts her in her place by saying, “I don’t see Ashley Wilkes asking to marry you!” Vivien responds by giving her an evil glare and throwing her umbrella across the room. Yet, a few minutes later she is smiling ear to ear and trying to catch the attention of all of the men at the barbeque. Like Clark Gable, Vivien was extremely good at hiding her issues with him and making Gone With the Wind a great love story.

My Rants: Overall, 1939 was a fantastic year for actresses and Oscar, surprisingly, picked five great ones. With that being said, here is what my line up for 1939 looks like:

Jean Arthur, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Bette Davis, Dark Victory
Greta Garbo, Ninotchka
Judy Garland, The Wizard of Oz
Vivien Leigh, Gone With the Wind

(Honorable mentions go the fabulous Norma Shearer and Joan Crawford as the biggest bitches in an ensemble jam-packed full of them in The Women and Irene Dunne in Love Affair who, in a weaker year, would have made it on the list.)

I’ve already talked about Davis, Garbo and Leigh, so let’s start with Jean Arthur. Playing almost the exact role as her Babe Bennett in Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (another fabulous performance), Arthur could have just coasted through Mr. Smith and been swallowed whole by James Stewart and Claude Rains’ intense performances. Instead, she miraculously holds her own, trading wisecracks with jaded reporter Thomas Mitchell and making fun of, before eventually falling in love with, James Stewart’s idealist senator. It’s the type of performance that Oscar then and now loves to avoid (i.e. Joan Allen in The Upside of Anger) but really should start embracing. Judy Garland also made an enormous Technicolor splash into the hearts of Americans all over with her transcendent performance in The Wizard of Oz. The role is so iconic that it easy to take Garland for granted. Her Dorothy is one of the most identifiable characters in movie history and it is all due to Garland (Can you imagine MGM’s first choice Shirley Temple in the role?). Thanks to the success of this film, Garland became the leading musical comedy star of the 40’s and was able to give phenomenal performances in Meet Me in St. Louis, The Clock, The Harvey Girls, The Pirate and A Star is Born.

Who won: Vivien Leigh, Gone With the Wind

Best of Oscar's Nominees: Leigh. Whoever played Scarlett would have won the Oscar, but Leigh's Scarlett is the performance of a lifetime and one of the best ever recorded on film.

Best of My Nominees: Leigh again. Utterly perfect.

I hope you enjoyed this and stay tuned for my first edition of Oscar Cock Fights in the upcoming future.