Wednesday, October 7, 2009
People Who Can Suck It: Gwyneth Paltrow
Who Needs to Suck It: Gwyneth Paltrow, Academy Award-winning actress (you do not know how much it pains me to type that) and all-around stuck-up, pain in the ass.
Why She Needs to Suck It: If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, I've been known to randomly bitch about the one and only Mrs. Chris Martin whenever she pops into my head. First of all, I've never been a fan of her acting. She may have been "luminous" and "charming" in Shakespeare in Love but one thing she wasn't was interesting. An Oscar for standing around, pretending to be funny and wearing a mustache in a crappy, unfunny romantic comedy posing as "art"? Give me a break. If this was Twitter, I'd start a #montenegrowasrobbed tag right now. As for her other films I've managed to sit through, Proof was a hot mess (when I think of actresses who are capable of doing an internalized mental breakdown, Gwyneth is not at the top of my list) and I wasn't buying it for a minute that Gwyneth would slum it with a dirty looking Joaquin Phoenix in Two Lovers. The real turning point for me in my Paltrow-hating, however, was this clip from Kathy Griffin's Allegedly stand up special (Part 1, fast-forward to the 5 minute mark, and Part 2). Isn't she just the most awful person ever? What I find most irritating about her is that she thinks she is above us common folk and lords it over us every chance she gets. Nicole Kidman may be aloof, but she doesn't spend all her freetime like Gwynie making ridiculous newsletters about what people of the lower classes need to do to be just a little bit more like her (but you'll never equal her because, dahling, you just don't have enough money). Seriously, everytime I hear about a new GOOP newsletter on Just Jared and the contents of the latest issue I have to suppress an urge to punch my computer screen into next week. Who is she to think that her rich bitch, condescending rules of living are the best way of life for everyone? Am I seriously going to take advice from a woman who named her fucking kids Apple and Moses? And I could live with the fact that she did these as some kind of joke poking fun at herself (I can totally see Victoria Beckham doing something like that while also making fun of her celebrity at the same time), she is totally serious with this newsletter, like she is about every thing in her life. I still find it incredible that the charming and utterly hilarious Blythe Danner birthed this crabby, uptight twat.