You Need to Practice Backing That Ass Up

When I tweeted a few weeks ago that Juvenile's "Back That Ass Up" was a seminal part of my childhood, I wasn't being facetious. And when I say that every time I think of the song I think of my mother, no, my family wasn't as fucked up as you're probably thinking. I've already spoken numerous times about how TRL ran my life between the ages of 11 and 14. One of the great things about the show was that it introduced me to music that I never would have heard otherwise. An obvious example of this would be "Back That Ass Up," a raunchy rap song that wouldn't have played anywhere near the Top 40 radio stations I listened to. The reason I remember this song, and especially the accompanying music video, so much is because my mother would literally force me to change the channel every time the video came on. Although my mother isn't the biggest fan of rap music--oddly enough, however, R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)" is one of her favorite songs ever--she was mainly offended by the video. As you may remember, it featured a fair amount of curvacious women with luscious bottoms shaking what their mama gave them in front of the camera. While it looks like nothing more than a parody of late 90's rap videos today, something about it really irked my mother. Maybe she felt that the women were being exploited, which is a valid response. Either way, I always found it funny that my mother reacted so strongly to something as inconsequential as "Back That Ass Up."

Fast forward twelve or so years. On a whim, I decided to listen to Drake's Take Care, a decision based upon the fact that I loved "Find Your Love" a couple years ago and that I've claimed on many occasions that Drake could get it in anytime he wanted. After listening to the album, I decided that he could still get it in and that I liked the album. It didn't strike me until a day or so later that one of my favorite songs on Take Care, "Practice," sounded strangely familiar. After another listen, it clicked into place: "Practice" samples "Back That Ass Up"! In stark contrast to the original's bluntness, Drake's song uses the infamous chorus as a smooth, sexy come-on. By the end of the song's four minute runtime, I certainly wanted to back my ass up on Drake even more than I had before.

Okay, okay, I hear some grumbling, so I better get this out of the way: "Practice" isn't a completely perfect song. After you get over the initial boner-inducing hotness of it all and you pay attention to the non-Juvenile lyrics, the song loses some of its amazingness. "Practice" is about Drake coming to terms with his girlfriend not being a virgin and how he must rationalize this as her getting some "practice" in for their sexual relationship. Can you say ick? Have straight men not evolved to the point of accepting that girls get horny, too, and that it's completely unrealistic to expect a woman in 2012 to remain a virgin for one man some point in the future while he gets to go out and bang as many chicks as he wants because that's what men do? It's almost enough to hate the song, but then Drake gets back to that chorus and I forget any and all moral misgivings I have about the song. No one ever said I was a great moral crusader.

Now that I've reached the end of this post, I realized that the point of this whole essay was probably to post pictures of Drake. Ah, such is life. At least you all get a reward for reading this damn thing!

RIP Rich Cronin

Horrible news, late 90's boy band fans. Rich Cronin, member of LFO, has passed away at 35 after a battle with leukemia. LFO isn't quite as well remembered today as some of its counterparts from the time period, but they hold a special place in my heart from their brief tenure at the top. Back in the distant, distant past, before I knew I was gay, I had this magazine with a picture of LFO that provided more than its fair share of fantasies pour moi. Rich and the other hottie of the group, Devin, were quite fit back in the day. I know that's probably not exactly how he would want to be remembered, but being pre-teen masturbatory fodder is quite a huge compliment (especially since I wasn't as big of a whore as I am today). But not only was he a good looker, the group's 'Summer Girls' was quite literally my jam of the summer of '99. The video was one of the staples on TRL at that period of time, and I loved it to pieces back in the day. True, the lyrics are kinda painful to listen to today, but it captured a brief period of time perfectly when white boy wannabe hip-hoppers got lumped in with the Boy Band Craze dominating the world at that time. Besides, what 20-something doesn't automatically think of 'Summer Girls' when someone talks about Abercrombie & Fitch? Hell, one of my blog's labels comes from that song. So, yes, not exactly great, but the song's power is everlasting.

The real tragedy of Cronin's death goes even deeper than his literal death. Cronin is one of the first of my pre-teen idols to pass away. I may not have thought about him in ages, but his death is a reminder that we are all growing older and the people my generation worshiped back in junior high is also getting older. I'm saddened by Cronin's passing, and he was only a minor influence. I can't imagine what will happen when a major player, like a BSB member or Jessica Simpson, eventually passes. Everyone from that time period is irreplaceable and it saddens me to think that they won't all be around at some point. RIP Rich, you made my transition from elementary school to junior high, from my old house to my new one a teensy bit easier with your music. You will be missed.

Look at Me, Ma. I'm a College Graduate!

Anyone remember this jam? I literally haven't heard it in 10 years.

In other news, I am old.

Also, I'm really hoping that my commencement goes something like this today.

I think we all know which character I want to be.

These Are a Few of Megan's Favorite Things

Today my good friend Megan is turning 21 and, as part of her birthday weekend week festivities, she requested that I make a blog post for her. Well, it is her day--how I could turn that down? So, in honor of her birth, here are some things that I know will make Megan happy.

And since she's the only person I know who sat through X-men Origins: Wolverine four times for Mr. Jackman, here are some special pictures from that movie.

She has this poster in her room and forces me to look at it whenever I step in there.

She's on Team Jacob (and I'm thinking about converting after this poster. Yowza.)



And she's the only person I know who remembers (or admits to remembering) the awesome British boy band 5ive's 'When the Lights Go Out' (Bastards at Youtube won't let me embed here on the blog)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!

15 Beautiful Frames from George Michael's 'Freedom'

VMA Video of the Year Rundown: 1999

My new series in which I go through the nominees for the MTV Video Music Award for Video of the Year in each and every year. Enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments!

Overall: The reason I chose this year as my next episode in the series is because 1999 is probably the most important year in my development as both a music lover and a pre-teen. 1999 was the first year I started getting really hooked on MTV through the burgeoning beacon of early 2000's teenagedom known as TRL and you can see that influence start to trickle in on the VMA's through the nominations of Korn and the Backstreet Boys. I remember most of these videos from their first run on the channel and it was quite interesting to look back and see how well they held up in time. I must say that my memory was all over the place with this one: Korn and Ricky Martin's respective videos fared slightly worse, BSB and Lauryn Hill were about the same and Will Smith's was actually better than I remembered. Overall, I must say that 1999 was one weak-ass year. Except for the winner Lauryn Hill and possibly Korn, the rest of the videos are quite disposable. Even if on the whole the year was quite mediocre, what were the nominators smoking not to nominate Britney Spears' widely discussed and publicized debut video "...Baby One More Time" (which actually looks better as time passes with that beautiful choreography) or either of TLC's eligible videos from the year: the best song of the year (then and now) "No Scrubs" and the better video "Unpretty" (which scarred me for life with the image of the silicon boob popping out on that plate in the hospital scene).

The Best of the Nominees:
Lauryn Hill "Doo Wop (That Thing)" # # # # #
Directed by Big TV! (Andy Delaney and Monty Whitbloom)
The fact that MTV went for Hill over the special effects heavy "Freak on a Leash" or the inexplicably popular "I Want It That Way" probably has more to do with MTV trying to look respectable after her recent Grammy wins than because they felt it was truly the best music video of the year. Nevertheless, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" remains the freshest video nearly a decade later and the only nominee in this weak ass year that actually adds something to the song. By using a split screen and showing Lauryn Hill singing the same song in two very different time periods (the 60's and "modern" day), I think it's trying to reflect on both the duplicity of both the song and the singer herself. "Doo Wop" borrows from 60's soul and combines it with modern hip-hop to astonishing results with Hill proving yet again that she has the chops to carry off each genre without a hitch; the video does nothing more than exploit this heavily potent combination and does it absolutely beautifully.
(Watch here)

The Rest (in order):
Korn "Freak on a Leash" # # # # #
Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Davis
Back in the day, I actually thought this was an interesting video, even if the music genre was way out of my taste range (then and now). When I decided to do 1999 as my next installment of this series, I was positive that this would be the video of the year, the one that just completely blows everything else out of the water. But then I watched the video again for the first time in many years and I would be lying if I didn't say I was a tad bit disappointed. Individually, all the elements of "Freak on a Leash" are wonderous: the animated opening is visually compelling, using its crude animating style to highlight Korn's crude style of music and the magic bullet special effects are extremely well-made. Together, however, it becomes just one big mish-mash of visuals that leaving me feeling rather meh. Not nearly as yawnworthy as many of the nominees in all of the categories, but not exactly the masterpiece I remembered from years ago.
(Watch here)

Will Smith featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee "Wild Wild West" # # # # #
Directed by Paul Hunter
The scope of "Wild Wild West" is nothing to shake a stick at and I wish that more music videos would try to integrate a plot of some sort, no matter how silly or ludicrous, into the video. That being said, this video kind of cheats in that respect since it's basically using the sets and costumes from the movie it's based on and completely condensing the two hour movie into six minutes (which, I must say, basically erases any need to see that shitty movie...yowza, it's bad). Although there's no real sense of danger for Will Smith (or Salma Hayek, for that matter, although I myself would be paralyzed with fear if those tarantaluas were on me) and any video that has cameos from both Steve Wonder and Carlton is just completely shameless in its intents to rope an audience in, "Wild Wild West" is a completely fun time that, like the movie did so epically awful, is only meant to entertain you and that's fine.
(Watch here)

Ricky Martin "Livin' La Vida Loca" # # # # #
Directed by Wayne Isham
I can't exactly blame the VMA's for nominating Ricky Martin's English-language debut "Livin' La Vida Loca" because not only did it launch a Latin craze that brought us Enrique, Marc Anthony and a pre-J. Lo Jennifer Lopez but it also suckered me into thinking that this video was the real deal. As an 11 year old, I thought that this video was fun and carefree and the song, with its blazing brass, sultry delivery, unapologetic frankness about sex, was unlike anything I had ever heard before (I must say that I was quite sheltered in elementary school). Looking back now, the song is still pretty catchy and not quite as embarrassing as you'd expect, but that video is the complete epitome of cornball. There's not one stereotype about Latin music or Latin men in general that director Wayne Isham doesn't hit on: Is Ricky a good lover? Check. Is Ricky a bandleader a la Ricky Ricardo? Check. Is there a bunch of Latinos doing crazy salsa moves and looking quite slick? Check. Fine, if not respectable during its time, but lets just leave "Livin' La Vida Loca" in '99 and never mention it again, okay?
(Watch here)

Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way" # # # # #
Directed by Wayne Isham
Except for possibly "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" and "Larger Than Life," it can be argued that the Backstreet Boys never really contributed anything substantial to the music video artform. Borrowing from the Take That "Back For Good"-style of standing around, doing generic "boy band" poses and a couple of small choreographed routines, the Backstreet Boys' videos were often throwaways that were only used to capitalize on the frenzy surrounding them on MTV (and, most importantly, TRL). I can see why the VMA's went for this back in 1999-- the song was an enormous success on the channel and the album it came from, Milennium, was the first album to sell one million copies in its first week-- but today it's just inexcusable that this complete waste of a video took one of the Video of the Year spots. In "I Want It That Way," the Boys literally stand around and do nothing for the entire 3 and a 1/2 minutes. There's a couple of poses and ten seconds of the lamest choreography, but mostly it's them standing in front of an airplane, standing in front of a crowd of rabid fans and walking along the airport terminal. And it doesn't even have the shamelessness of the rain sequence in "Quit Playing Games," the amazing pop song in "As Long As You Love Me" or the bright colors of "All I Have to Give" (sorry, that's the only positive I can come up for that video). "I Want It That Way" is a complete and utter waste of time that's so bad I can't believe someone actually got paid to think of this concept and direct this piece of trash.
(Watch here)

Five Song Friday: My Mom's Favorite Songs

Mother's Day is this Sunday, so for this edition of Five Song Friday I thought I would honor my mother and post five of her favorite songs. Enjoy!

1. The Tubes "She's a Beauty"


2. Meredith Brooks "Bitch"


3. Lou Bega "Mambo No. 5"


4. Bob Seger "Old Time Rock 'n Roll"


5. Steve Miller Band "The Joker"

Five Song Friday

It's simple. Every Friday, I pick five songs that I've been loving for the past week. They don't have to be new songs or even singles from the album...the only requirement is that they're amazing.

1. Kylie Minogue "In My Arms"
I got Kylie's latest album X a couple of months ago, but it wasn't until this past week that I really listened to it and fell in love. I don't understand why America's infatuation with Kylie has completely dissipated after "Can't Get You Out of My Head," because she is just as amazing as she was then. "In My Arms" is the best song from X, her catchiest song since the ever-fantastic "Love at First Sight".



2. Britney Spears "Why Should I Be Sad?"
I'm not ready to proclaim "Why Should I Be Sad?" the best song from Blackout, but it's certainly in the Top 3. Britney gets, surprisingly, very personal about her relationship with K. Fed and it's paints a completely different picture than the one given in the press everyday.



3. Lily Allen "Alfie"
Lily Allen is absolutely amazing. Only she could make a song about a brother who spends all day smoking pot and make it as fabulous as she does here.



4. Dschinghis Khan "Mexico"
Everyone's favorite German Disco band and their ode to the land south of the border. I have no idea what they're singing about, but everytime they launch into that stirring "Mexiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiico" chorus I fall in love with the song more and more.



5. Oasis "Wonderwall"
I'm still in my 90's music craze and this song is simply beautiful.

Three Songs From the 90's I Had Forgotten I Loved

Annie Lennox "Walking on Broken Glass"
Okay, so I was only 4 when this song was originally released, but for some reason as soon as I heard it, something inside my head immediately clicked and I was like, "Damn, I remember this song!" The only reason I can think of for remembering it is they must have played it often on my mother's favorite adult contemporary radio station that I listened to all the time when I was a kid (No kidding, I even listened to it while I was going to sleep- a habit I have to this day). I never would have recognized this song if I hadn't listened to it and I'm glad I did because I've been listening to it non-stop for the past 3 days.



Take That "Back For Good"
I pretty much remembered this song from the same radio station, but I forgot how kick ass it really is (well, for a British boy band of the mid-90's). The video is lame and a total precursor to all of those equally lame Backstreet Boys/N Sync videos in which they all stood around in a room and sang their song, but the song is still pretty hot and I love to lead's vocals (especially in the chorus).



Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know"

Alanis hasn't done much after her breakthrough album (except for that amazing "My Humps" parody), but there's no point denying the power of this song. Yesterday, while discussing Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" I mentioned the anger she puts in her voice and how well it serves the song. Well, Alanis' "You Oughta Know" is the prototype for this type of "fuck with me and I'll fuck you up so much worse" song and will probably never be equaled.