Tuesday, July 31, 2007

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Breakthrough Performance

And the nominees are...

Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine
Breslin, the anti-Dakota Fanning, focuses on just being a kid and having a fun time with this role. Bonus points for being just plain adorable.


Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat

In the matter of months, Cohen went from being unrecognizable to one of the most reveared comedians of the decade with the strength of this film and performance.

Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Who would have guessed that this American Idol cast-off would come out of nowhere and blow us all away with her miraculous voice and volcanic performance?

Rinko Kikuchi in Babel

The only bright spot in Babel, Kikuchi impressively takes the stereotypical disabled role and transforms it into something lovely...not bad for this young of a performer.

Channing Tatum in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and Step Up

In Step Up, Channing Tatum showed he had promise as an actor and only needed the right role to be great. In Saints, Tatum followed through on this promise and gave one of the most exciting (and unexpected) performances of the year.


Runners Up: As the lonely dominatrix, Lindsay Beamish in Shortbus is the best of that film's impressive young cast...Ashley Johnson in Fast Food Nation earns best in show honors in a film brimming with established stars
BRONZE
Channing Tatum
SILVER
Sacha Baron Cohen
GOLD
Jennifer Hudson

Monday, July 30, 2007

2006 Diva Cup Awards: Best Quote/Line Reading

And the nominees are...
"Here I am!" ~Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal
Blanchett's battle cry to the vicious vultures surrounding her during a major personal crisis is one of the most hilarious camp moments since Faye Dunaway uttered "Tina, bring me the axe!" in Mommie Dearest and is the perfect way to end such a high-strung scene.

"Is she a sphinx, or simply stupid?" ~Dame Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal

I'm not sure why I love this quote so much, but Dame Judi's early size-up of Blanchett's Sheba is one of the quotes I immediately think about when I think about this movie.

"It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? ‘Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.’ So why am I sitting here without so much as a B side on a 45 when an amateur like Martin Luther King Jr. gets his own album? I mean, can he even sing?" ~Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Diva-riffic to the extreme and the precise moment when I fell in love with J. Hud's Effie White. It takes a real diva to complain about MLK like that.


"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself." ~Mark Wahlberg in The Departed

Wahlberg's effective scene-stealing in The Departed doesn't get any better than this foul-mouthed quip.


"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" ~Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane

I was shaking in anticipation of this line and, when it finally came, I laughed and applauded like I had never done before. Samuel L. Jackson’s delivery lived up to the hype and makes it an instant classic.

Runners Up: I loved Matt Damon's assholian response of "Qui gives a shit" to Alec Baldwin's "Qui bono" in The Departed so much that I wish I could say it more often...Annette Bening's "I need high ceilings" in Running With Scissors is one of this beautiful disaster's shining moments...Just the way Frances McDormand coughed out "Asshole" to that douchebag driver in the farmer's market in Friends With Money had me laughing for like two minutes straight. Brilliant.
BRONZE
"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself."
SILVER
"Here I am!"
GOLD
"That is it! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Friday, July 27, 2007

I Am So Sick of La Lohan


What a coke whore. I am so tired of her bullshit. Right, the cocaine in her pocket wasn't hers- she was holding it for a friend. That's the oldest cliché in the book.

2006 Diva Cup Award Nominees

Here they are...the 2006 nominees for my annual Diva Cup Awards!

Best Picture
The Departed
Dreamgirls
Little Miss Sunshine
The Painted Veil
Shortbus

Best Actor
Matt Damon,
The Departed
Leonardo DiCaprio,
The Departed
Aaron Eckhart,
Thank You For Smoking
Ryan Gosling,
Half Nelson
Edward Norton, The Painted Veil


Best Actress
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Dame Judi Dench,
Notes on a Scandal
Dame Helen Mirren, The Queen
Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada


Best Supporting Actor
Steve Carell, Little Miss Sunshine
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Jack Nicholson,
The Departed
Michael Sheen,
The Queen
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed


Best Supporting Actress
Lindsay Beamish, Shortbus
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Ashley Johnson, Fast Food Nation
Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

Best Director
Bill Condon, Dreamgirls
Alfonso Cuarón,
Children of Men
Michel Gondry, The Science of Sleep
Christopher Nolan, The Prestige
Martin Scorsese, The Departed


Best Original Screenplay
Pedro Almodóvar, Volver
Michael Arndt, Little Miss Sunshine
Nicole Holofcener, Friends With Money
John Cameron Mitchell,
Shortbus
Peter Morgan, The Queen


Best Adapted Screenplay
Bill Condon, Dreamgirls
Todd Field, Tom Perrotta, Little Children
Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal
William Monahan, The Departed
Ron Nyswaner, The Painted Veil


Best Ensemble
The Departed
Little Miss Sunshine
Shortbus
Thank You For Smoking
Volver


Best Scene
Borat: Naked Fight
Dreamgirls: "And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going"
Little Miss Sunshine: The Dance
Notes on a Scandal: The Revelation
United 93: Fighting Back


Best Quote/Line Reading
"Here I am!" ~Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal

"Is she a sphinx or simply stupid?" ~Dame Judi Dench in Notes on a Scandal

"It's about fairness, Curtis. It's about people paying their dues. Isn't that what you keep telling me? ‘Get in line, Effie. Wait your turn.’ So why am I sitting here without so much as a B side on a 45 when an amateur like Martin Luther King Jr. gets his own album? I mean, can he even sing?" ~Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself." ~Mark Wahlberg in The Departed

"That is it! I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" ~Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane

Breakthrough Performance
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Sacha Baron Cohen,
Borat
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi,
Babel
Channing Tatum, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, Step Up


Best Diva
Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette
Jennifer Hudson as Effie White in Dreamgirls
Frances McDormand as Jane in Friends With Money
Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestley in The Devil Wears Prada
Mark Wahlberg as Sgt. Dignam in The Departed


The winners will be revealed in the coming week, so check back often to see if your favorite wins!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Reader Request: Rants on "Dear Frankie"


When I first read the overly-sentimental plot of Shona Auerbach’s 2004 film Dear Frankie, I thought that there was no way in hell that I was going to enjoy this film. Sentimental films and I just don’t get along- it’s a sad fact since a good many Hollywood dramas heavily rely on this tactic, but I’ve learned to accept it. Imagine my surprise, however, when it turns out that Dear Frankie isn’t as bad as I predicted. The beginning is a bit rocky, full of every single-mother-who-won’t-settle-down cliché in the book. We see Lizzie (Emily Mortimer), her deaf son Frankie (of course he has a physical handicap- nothing like bludgeoning the audience to death) and her mom packing up their belongings and we get the feeling that this has become the norm for this family. And just when you think the parallels between this and every Tumbleweed and Chocolat-esque film you’ve ever seen are unending, Auerbach also throws in the Mask scene in which Lizzie insists to Frankie’s teacher that "she doesn’t want him treated any differently" because he’s deaf and "there’s nothing wrong with his brain."


But I’m digressing. The whole point of the film lies in the fact that Lizzie has been sending letters to Frankie, pretending to be his father away at sea (Frankie’s father is really an abusive prick who’s trying to avoid). This trick has worked for years, until one of Frankie’s classmates tells him that his father’s ship will be docking in town and Frankie becomes really anxious to meet his father. Lizzie, being the good, nurturing mother that she is, has to go out and find a stranger to pretend to be Frankie’s father (What mother wouldn’t do that for her child?).


It turns out that Lizzie’s boss knows a man who would be perfect for the job. Enter a hunky Gerard Butler (the man from both The Phantom of the Opera and 300) and it seems like our problem is solved. In my head, however, this scene in which these two characters meet is one of the biggest problems in the whole film. As Lizzie explains the situation to Butler, we realize how preposterous this idea is (I think even Lizzie realizes it) and that this situation would only work in a movie. In real life, any normal person would probably run off to call the loony bin to come capture Lizzie because she is freaking nuts. Naturally, in the movie world, this doesn’t happen and we must suspend disbelief for a little while.


So Frankie and the Gerard Butler character (he’s never really given a name) meet and eventually (or should I say predictably) Butler comes to love Frankie like he popped him out of his uterus within a few measly hours. With his "father’s" strength behind him, Frankie becomes good at football and even blocks a ball at one point for dear old daddy. Even Lizzie seems to be falling for him, but his leave is coming to an end and he’s forced to bid adieu to the family.


The film doesn’t end there, but I really feel that it can’t all be summarized in one rant. If you really want to know, go out and rent the film because for all of my bitching about it, Dear Frankie is actually a pretty decent film. Its sentimentality is more of the British stiff-upper-lip variety instead of the so-unsubtle-it’s-annoying American variety, so that makes the film go down a lot easier. Emily Mortimer is pretty solid as Lizzie, not exactly award-worthy, but another fine performance to add to Bright Young Things and Match Point. If your type of film is a quiet, character-driven melodrama with out any of the histrionics, then go seek out Dear Frankie. If not, at least it’s better than sitting through your average Hollywood crap.

My Rating: *** ½

Saturday, July 14, 2007

"Hairspray" Soundtrack




Postives About the Hairspray Soundtrack:
1. The music, as always, is a ton of fun.
2. James Marsden can sing. His character, Corny Collins, only has two songs (“The Nicest Kids in Town” and “Hairspray”) but he makes them so much more interesting than they ever were on the Broadway soundtrack. If his acting is anywhere near as good as his singing, this will be Marsden’s breakthrough performance with the public and will lead to truly interesting roles.
3. Newcomer Elijah Kelley’s version of “Run and Tell That.” This could do for him what “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” did for J. Hud. It’s that good.
4. The orchestration on “Good Morning Baltimore” is bombastic, over-the-top and fantastic to the extreme. Just listen to that wailing saxophone in the beginning and tell me you‘re not in love.
5. Nikki Blonsky (as Tracy) is fabulous. Bravo!


Negatives About the Hairspray Soundtrack:
1. John Travolta. Oh God, I hate to say it, but his singing practically ruins “Welcome to the 60’s” and “You Can’t Stop the Beat.” The awkward way he says “fabulous” in “Welcome to the 60’s” makes me cringe every time and I really don’t know why. It makes me miss Harvey Fierstein even more and I wish they had taken a chance and hired him instead.
2. This version of “You Can’t Stop the Beat.” The song is as catchy as ever, but the aforementioned Travolta and the elimination of my favorite verse (the Von Tussle verse towards the end) dampens the spirit of it.
3. The new songs aren’t that great. Sure “Come So Far (Got So Far to Go)” is a ton of fun and the way Zac Efron nasally wails on “Ladies’ Choice” makes me laugh every time, but they don’t seem to really add anything to the film.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

A Much Needed Vacation

Hey everyone! I will be gone for a couple days catching up with some of my college friends, so there will be no new ranting until Monday at least (I know you're just heartbroken). When I get back, expect my reader requested rant on the film Dear Frankie (if anyone else wants me to rant about a certain film, just let me know and I will do it), thoughts on two of my newest obsessions The Soup host Joel McHale and celebrity chef Paula Deen (I'm reading her biography right now and it is fabulous) and my ode to the great country of Sweden, which has produced some of my most favorite things.

Have a divariffic weekend and I'll get back to you next week.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Spice Girls Reunion Becomes Reality!


I already wrote about this when it was just a rumor, but let me say it now that it is true: I am super excited for the upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour. It’s only going to be an 11 city tour and it isn’t coming anywhere near Michigan (I think New York is the closest stop, but don’t quote me), but it’s one step closer to the reemergence of, in my opinion, the greatest female pop group of the past 20 years (they were certainly the most successful). Ten years later, their music still makes me want to just get up and sing and dance like a retarded person on crack. Maybe, if we pray hard enough, the Gods will pull through and we’ll get new ass-kicking music full of Girl Power and a sequel to the best so-bad-it-is-good movie that anyone will ever witness.

Reese and Jake Split


In case you haven’t heard, this past week Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon officially ended their relationship even though they were never "officially" going out. Apparently, the reason behind the split is that Reese wants to spend more time with her family. To tell you the truth, I’m really not sure what to think about this. On one hand, I’m excited because Jakey is free again (and those gay rumors can start all over again). On the other hand, I’m disappointed because I was totally ready for this new power couple. They’re young, drop dead gorgeous and, above all, extremely talented; if they had adopted children, they already would have had Brangelina beat. Plus, just imagine how amazing their celebrity name could have been if they would have stayed together longer: Gyllenspoon or Witherhaal. Those are simply fantastic and I would have enjoyed saying that over and over again. Alas, we’ll always have Rendition, the film they met on, which is supposed to be released November 30th.


(NOTE: I don’t know if you can see over the writing, but isn’t Jakey wearing the most fab jeans in this picture? I know they are probably from some big name designer and cost $400, but I totally want a pair)

Friday, June 29, 2007

Hey Paula!


Last night, Paula Abdul's new reality show Hey Paula! premiered and let me tell you it is a half hour of pure genius. As I've mentioned before, I have a special place in my heart for Paula Abdul. She was the first music artist I ever fell in love with (way back in Kindegarten) and I was super excited for her comeback on American Idol. Now with Hey Paula! I have a brand new reason to love her. She is so crazy and loopy that it is hilarious. The first episode followed Paula for a hectic 48 hours as she made an appearance at the Grammy's and then has to rush out to sell some jewelry on QVC. This episode was pretty awesome, but that was mostly because she treats her assistants like shit and started crying her eyes out because they forgot to pack sweatpants for her plane trip. The second episode was even awesomer because we find out that she is an insomniac. During the course of a half-hour, she goes from slighty loopy to batshit crazy. My favorite moment has to be when she was at the perfume factory, trying to decide what scent she wants to promote under her name. Her eyes are totally unfocused and most of her answers consist of "Mmmmm." And then she somehow ends up squatting on the floor with her blotters, talking about something totally off-the-wall. The episode ends with Paula doing those infamous satellite interviews in which she doesn't make any sense and looks like she escaped from the loony bin. Next week is sure to be interesting and I can not wait!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Big Announcement

I know it's been forever since I've written anything, but my work schedule has been so crazy that I haven't gotten a chance to do much of anything. But, I do have an announcement that I'm really excited about. In the coming weeks I will be displaying my winners for the 2006 Diva Cup Awards! I know it will be a little outdated, since it's already half-way through 2007, but I want to share with everyone my favorites for the year. Here are the awards I'm planning:

Best Picture
Best Director
Best Actor
Best Actress
Best Supporting Actor
Best Supporting Actress
Best Original Screenplay
Best Adapted Screenplay
Best Ensemble
Best Scene
Best Quote/Line Reading
Breakthrough Performance
and BEST DIVA
Obviously the last one will be the most important to my blog and should be the most exciting. So, while I catch up on some last minute films (most notably Letters From Iwo Jima and The Last King of Scotland), why don't you let me know who you think I should vote for. Think of it as your own personal For Your Consideration ads.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm Your Genie Tonight

I've been feeling kind of blah about the entries I've written in the past few weeks and I feel like I haven't written anything you are excited about. So, I thought about it and I decided to do something different. In the comments, please tell me a movie you would like for me to rant on and I will do it. Your wish is my command. I only have a couple of requests: Please don't make me sit through Gigli, From Justin to Kelly or 2001: A Space Odyssey again (Those were painful enough the first time). Other than that, pick any movie you can think of and I will do a special rant on it. Thanks for your help!

Action Heroine Blog-a-thon: The Divaliciousness of Gogo in "Kill Bill Volume 1"

(This is part of the Action Heroine Blog-a-thon over at The Film Experience)


I’m not a huge fan of action films, but one of the few that I absolutely adore is Kill Bill Volume 1 (Volume 2 is also another of my favorites). The Bride is, understandably, a cult icon in the making, but the one character who briefly steals the spotlight from her is O-Ren Ishii’s personal bodyguard Gogo played by Chiaki Kuriyama. Although Gogo is merely a speed bump on The Bride’s road to revenge, Kuriyama’s take on the role is amazingly entertaining and divariffic on so many levels. She’s not a diva in the ordinary Bette Davis/Joan Crawford vein (instead of a verbal insult or a slap to the face, her weapon of choice is a ball and chain) instead, she provides a new take on a old favorite. So, without further ado, here are four reasons why I find Gogo to be such a role model for divas everywhere:

1. She takes pleasure in other people’s pain- The only time we see Gogo give a genuine smile is when O-Ren Ishii decapitated Tanaka for insulting her Chinese-Japanese-American heritage. Like Gogo, real divas find this sort of thing uproariously funny.


2. She’ll cut you and not give a shit (like Dame Judi Dench)- Just ask that guy in the bar she penetrates with her sword. I’m sure she wasn’t crying her eyes out or regretting what she had done afterwards.

3. She knows how to make an entrance- Just watch her ascension on the staircase before her and The Bride battle- it’s almost as if she’s Margo Channing incarnate. That sarcastic smile and "Hi" she greets The Bride with, her schoolgirl giggle when The Bride suggests she give up and not defend O-Ren, the dramatic way she lets her ball and chain fall on the floor to divert our attention to it.

4. She effectively steals the spotlight from The Bride- For those couple of minutes during the battle scene between her and Gogo, my attention is diverted almost exclusively to what she is doing. I don’t know what it is about her that grabs my attention like that (maybe it’s the way she manhandles The Bride, the main diva of the film, and almost suffocates her to death), but it is definitely a must for any diva.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Short Film Rants

Hello out there! Sorry about my absence, but I've been at work the past four days and was too tired to write anything meaningful. There will be some more entries this week, but, for now, here are some quick thoughts on a few movies I've seen in the past couple of weeks.

Flags of Our Fathers (Clint Eastwood, 2006): Not a terrible film per se, but not the revelation that many critics proclaimed it. I found it to be just an imitation of a 40's morale-booster with a muddled final 30 minutes in which Eastwood just throws random flashforwards and flashbacks hoping they will stick. What I had a good time doing, instead, was detecting all the B- and C-List actors that appeared in the film (Oh, look that's Gaby's new husband on Desperate Housewives! Geez, that's the Indian from Joe Dirt! That's the guy from that one show with the gay couple who's daughter is dating the guy from the family that owns a bar! That's Lt. Dischert from Monk!). ***

Mysterious Skin (Gregg Araki, 2005): This film isn't for everyone, but I found it to be one of the most hypnotic and finest I've seen in awhile. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a gay hustler who was sexually abused by his little league coach. Brady Corbet plays a young man who can't remember stretches of his childhood and believes he was abducted by aliens. The film is beautiful and the way these two lives collide is fascinating. Both of these actors give great performances and make this film a must see.
*****

The Broadway Melody of 1936 (Roy Del Ruth, 1935): It's kind of embarassing to see this MGM musical and realize that also in 1935 RKO released the quintessential 30's musical Top Hat and Warner Brothers released the witty, as-good-as-the-original The Gold Diggers of 1935. Both of those musicals are far superior to this dud, a sloppily edited, horribly acted backstage musical. Buddy Ebsen is flat out terrible, Robert Taylor is yummy but nowhere near as good as he was in my favorite performance of his (Personal Property) and Eleanor Powell is infinitely more interesting as La Belle Arlette than she is as her character (although her Katharine Hepburn impression wasn't bad). The only bright spot in the film is Una Merkel as Taylor's secretary Kitty Corbett. **

Broken Blossoms (D.W. Griffith, 1919): This is one of those silent movies where a small nod is supposed to reveal character and the characters spend vast amounts of time staring off into the distance contemplating things they'll never understand. The first hour of this movie is pretty boring, but, like many Griffith films, the editing at the conclusion of the film is first-rate and makes it a better film. ** 1/2

Monday, June 4, 2007

Larissa is Gone From "Charm School"

It was a sad night last night because Larissa, one of my favorite girls from Charm School, got voted off. In the end, Larissa's bad attitude, backstabbing and constant plotting bit her in the ass and she was pretty much thrown out of the Charm School house. It looked like she would get away with hiding Leilene's picture under Schatar's bed, but she ran her mouth, blamed it all on Shay and thus her downfall began. Once Shay found out that Larissa blamed it on her, all hell broke loose at Mo'nique's surprise party. Larissa got defensive and turned her back completely on Shay. At the elimination ceremony, the male Dean (I can't remember his name for the life of me) told Larissa that she was psychotic (I can kind of see his point but since when is he a psychiatrist) and Mo'nique practically told Larissa that she was sick of her.

Before all of this drama, the girls had another commandment to learn and for the challenge was to be interviewed by a celebrity. It turns out this celebrity was the fabulous Miss New York, who, as Mo put it, "is the Wicked Witch of the West to these girls." I loved Brooke/Pumkin's reaction when New York walked into the room and then asked her "So, have you spit on anyone lately?" The only one who didn't have a problem with New York was Saaphyri (who wasn't there long enough to meet her) and she easily, and fabulously, won the challenge.