Dorothy's New Dress

Dorothy: Ma, if you didn't like the dress, you should have just told me.

Sophia: Hey, I was trying to be helpful!

Dorothy: Asking if it came with a sign that said "Wide Load" is not being helpful.

Random Top 10: "The Beatles," Golden Girls Memories & Gay Born Again Christians (aka Life in a Small Town)

Last Friday, I decided to go home for the weekend to see my parents. One of the things they wanted to do was see a Beatles tribute band that was playing in a local small town's annual outdoor concert series.

(Being the Golden Girls obsessive that I am, my mind immediately jumped to the episode where Dorothy gives up her date to Blanche to see a Beatles tribute band and ends up sleeping with "Paul." Ridiculous, I know, but that's how my mind works. And how can you go wrong with a line like "What do you say about a set that started with 'I've Just Gotta Be Me' and ended with 'Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting'?" Genius.)

But I digress. I'm not the biggest Beatles fan and don't exactly believe that they are the greatest thing to ever happen to music like so many others. Don't get me wrong, they have some fan-fucking-tastic songs but I find it idiotic that so many people believe that every song they ever recorded is the BEST SONG EVER. I remember during Beatles Week #2 on Season 7 of Idol Simon Cowell commented that even the Beatles had bad songs in their catalog, some diehard fan responded on a blog (or maybe Entertainment Weekly, I'm not sure) that the Beatles didn't have bad songs, just bad Idol singers butchering them. That is just ridiculous. Of course they have some stinkers; what musician doesn't? Even ABBA, my favorite band ever and one of the most critically ignored artists in music history because they made "silly" pop music, has some songs I usually skip whenever they come on my iTunes. I simply find it annoying when someone tries to claim that the Beatles are the exception.

Anyways, I decided to go since I had nothing else better to do and, like I said, I do enjoy a few of their songs. The main thing that I took away from the night, however, had nothing to do with the music, oddly. During intermission, there was this young guy who was sort of emceeing and working the crowd before the 50/50 raffle. He seemed like a generally jovial guy, but I found it odd that out of nowhere he decided to announce that he was still excited about getting engaged to his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. My first reaction was, "Well, I hope you're still excited about getting married a couple weeks later." My second reaction was, "Wait, that 'mo?" I thought that this shock was all he had in store for us, but, oh no, he had to go and do it again. He then proceeded to give a shoutout to his church, the Born Again Christians, who promptly responded with a cheer that was possibly louder than the band had been at any point. I, of course, rolled my eyes and muttered "Jesus Christ" under my breath. Only in a small town could you possibly get away with doing that and get an enormous response like that. Egad.

But I digress yet again. Let's get back to the music. Overall, I found the band to be enjoyable and they did sound eerily similar to the original band, but I was annoyed that they didn't play more of my favorites. I know, I'm that vain that I think that the whole concert should have revolved around my tastes and preferences, but I can't exactly help that? I'm sure everyone would have reacted that way. So, since they didn't play many of the Beatles songs I like, I thought I'd list my top 10 for you all. Generous, I know.

10. Yesterday A touch overrated, but you have to admire the fact that they squeeze so much out of a song that's barely two minutes long.
9. Revolution A protest song from the Vietnam Era that still packs a wallop.
8. Something That guitar bit is still magnificent.
7. Strawberry Fields Forever One of the only LSD-inspired songs I like and you have to give it props for inspiring the only sequence in Across the Universe that wasn't a complete disaster.
6. Eleanor Rigby The imagery in this song sounds like something straight out of a Bergman film and, yet, it's still one of their most beloved pop songs. Genius.
5. Can't Buy Me Love My favorite song from the movie A Hard Day's Night. So fun and carefree although I don't care for the message (someone can definitely buy my love)
4. Penny Lane Completely adorable. I'm still miffed that Davie Archuleta didn't choose it during either Beatles Week (I know I should let that go, but I just can't).
3. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da Their overrated early stuff like 'She Loves You' and 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' are beloved for their simplicity, but I find them too simple (as Sophia quips in the episode of the Golden Girls I mentioned earlier, "'Yeah, yeah, yeah'? You call that music?"). There's no denying that 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da' is a simple song with it's "La la la la la life goes on" chorus, but I think the simplicity makes it that much better.
2. Let It Be A social message song about peace, love and understanding that doesn't feel preachy or obnoxious.
1. Hey Jude The intro is beautifully done and the breakdown half way through, leading to the the infamous "Na na na na na na na" chant, is freaking epic.

And, as a bonus, here are some of my favorite Beatles covers that are at least as good as the originals, if not better.

The Carpenters 'Ticket to Ride'
By slowing down the tempo of the original, we get to focus on every single crystal-clear note emerging from Karen Carpenter's mouth. I call that a win, don't you?


Bette Midler 'In My Life'
For the Boys may be a complete mess, but the moment when The Divine Miss M starts singing, immediately after telling the soldiers to "shut the fuck up" in a way that only Bette could get away with, is beautiful in it's own subdued way (not exactly a word one associates with the loud and brassy Ms. Midler, hm?)

Jude Law 'Hey Jude'
I can't find a clip of this version with Jude Law from Saturday Night Live in 2004 (you know, the infamous episode where Ashlee Simpson got caught lip-syncing and performed a hoe-down instead) but, trust me, it's a goodie. Jude Law maniacally ripping into "Ju-ju-ju-ju-Judy!" and Tina Fey, Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph doing the "Na na na" chant in a big circle around him.




Carly Smithson or Kris Allen 'Come Together'
They are both amazing covers but for completely different reasons.


David Cook 'Eleanor Rigby'
His version is the one that made me realize the brilliance of the original. Bravo.


Fiona Apple 'Across the Universe'
I could listen to this over and over again for hours. It's completely soothing and indescribably absorbing.

RIP Bea Arthur

So, so sad :(

Everyone go eat a piece of cheesecake in her honor.

RIP The Golden Girls on Lifetime

After 12 years of laughter, friendship, bickering, cheesecake and consistently high ratings for a 20-year old show in reruns, The Golden Girls has left Lifetime for the Hallmark Channel. Since I don't get the Hallmark Channel at school, this is sad news because this means I won't be able to listen to my girls in the background while I'm getting ready for classes in the morning (I realize that I could just pop in one of my DVD's- I own all seven seasons- but it just isn't the same). On a more sentimental level, however, this is devastating. Watching these reruns on Lifetime all throughout junior high and high school and into my first couple of years in college, over and over again until I could quote verbatim certain chunks of dialogue has definitely made me into the person that I am today. Whether or not this a good thing can be left for discussion on another day, but, the point is, watching this show on Lifetime has become a tradition and it's sad to see it end. I wish Dorothy, Sophia, Rose and Blanche luck over on the Hallmark Channel and I hope that there are other teens out there who were as lucky as I was in discovering this show.

The Four Things Meme

I saw this over at Stale Popcorn and I thought it would be a quick and fun meme to complete.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
I'm not going to lie...I've only had two different jobs in my life: Sales Floor Team Member and Teacher Assistant

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Gone With the Wind, Singin' in the Rain, Mommie Dearest and Spice World

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE LIVED
Chesterfield (up through elementary school), Yale (through junior high and high school), Kalamazoo (college) and that's it.

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
I really could expand this to 10 easily, but I'll stick with The Golden Girls, 30 Rock, American Idol, Desperate Housewives

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION
Minneapolis (for the Mall of America), Atlanta (for the Gone With the Wind tourist attractions), Mackinac Island (for the fudge), Six Flags in Ohio somewhere (for the rides and such)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
Facebook (add me as a friend if we aren't already!), The Superficial, Stale Popcorn, Valley Dreamin'

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
Chinese Food (I can't narrow it down more than that), Donuts, Chocolate, Bagels with Cream Cheese

FOUR PLACES YOU'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. In bed with Zac Efron
2. At the 2008 Oscars, witnessing La Tisdale winning a much deserved Oscar for High School Musical 3: Senior Year
3. On a deserted tropical island, far away from responsibilities and annoying people
4. At a screening of a film such as Rachel Getting Married, Happy-Go-Lucky or I've Loved You So Long, that, despite having been in release for as long as two months in some cases, still haven't come anywhere close to a movie theater in my area.

FOUR BLOGGERS YOU'RE TAGGING
J.D. at Valley Dreamin', mB at A Blog Next Door, Vance at Tapeworthy, Michael at My Stuff and Cr*p

RIP Estelle Getty

I just found out a little while ago that Estelle Getty, best known for portraying Sophia Petrillo on the 80's sitcom (and my favorite TV show ever) The Golden Girls, has just passed away this morning at the age of 84. I know this shouldn't be as much of a shock as when Heath Ledger died earlier this year, but I feel like a little part of my adolescence has just died along with her. RIP Estelle....this cheesecake's for you.

Random Top 10: A Tribute to America

As much as I bitch about America (which happens nearly every time I watch American Idol or see what a complete fucktard George Bush is) there are some generally good things about this place: Hollywood, Oprah, Jake Gyllenhaal, celebreailty, day-to-day coverage on the happenings of Britney Spears, freedom of speech (which allows me to get away with calling the president a fucktard), Emmy-award winner Kathy Griffin. I could go on, but you get the point. I kinda have a lot to be thankful for. So, in honor of America's 232nd birthday, here are some joyous tributes to America. Enjoy!

10.

9.

8.

"You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want to have a hot dog real bad."

7.

I understand Tilda's not American, but what other actress born in this country have you seen show this much patriotism at one point?

6.

5.

"Hello, Mr. President. Can I ask you something? Is the oval office as hard to vaccum as I think it is?"

4.

I'm not a huge fan of West Side Story, but Rita Moreno is absolutely amazing here. Love that skirt action!

3.

"I chose Mount Rushmore 'cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly, old mountain and put faces on it- faces of great Americans who did so much to make this country super great- well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American."

2.

"Why aren't they spinning?"

1.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for James Cagney, this movie and patriotic tunes. They all get me every time.

"Golden Girls" Moment: A Little Shakespeare

[Dorothy and Blanche have been fighting over Stan's brother. When Dorothy realizes what a jerk he is, she confesses to Rose about how she doesn't know if Blanche will ever forgive her. Blanche, unknown to Dorothy, had been talking with Rose beforehand and hid somewhere when Dorothy came in.]

Dorothy: ...Blanche is never going to forgive me.

Blanche: I forgive you.

Dorothy: Honey, where did you come from?

Blanche: Oh, I was hiding behind the drapes.

Dorothy: What is this? Hamlet?

"Golden Girls" Moment: Motown Reunion

[After the girls fired their maid Marguerite, they run into a string of bad luck and start to believe they have been cursed. In order to reverse this, they decide to woo her back to reverse the curse. During this process, however, Sophia returns from a trip and is introduced to Marguerite.]

Sophia: So what are we celebrating? Did The Supremes get back together?

"Golden Girls" Moment: Traitor?

[Blanche and Dorothy have just discovered that they have both entered a dance marathon with a $1000 prize without telling each other when Rose also shows up.]

Dorothy: Et tu Judas?

Rose: No, it's me Rose.

"Golden Girls" Moment: A Cake for Sven

[Rose's cousin Sven is visiting the girls and Rose has picked up a cake to welcome him to Miami]

Blanche: Rose, that cake is from the "Get it While it's Hot" erotic bake shop!

Dorothy: Whoa!

Blanche: Why Rose Nylund! Why, that cake is in the shape...

Dorothy: Blanche we know what it is.

Rose: I thought it was in the shape of Florida!

"Golden Girls" Moment: The Girls Get Therapy

[The girls haven't been getting along lately and decided to get some therapy so they can continue living together.]

Doctor: Rose, what do you think of Blanche saying these things?

Rose: I think she's a garconanokin.

Doctor: What exactly does that mean?

Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white.

Rose: But in general, it refers to the kinds of person you don't wanna share your hoogencoggles with.

Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words-

Rose: Oh, blow it out your tubenburbles!

"Golden Girls" Moment: Stan and Dorothy Say Goodbye

[Stan and Dorothy have been going to a psychatrist together in order for Stan to get over Dorothy and move on with his life. The doctor has had Stan transfer his love for Dorothy to a fake monkey and has just told them that they are supposed to spend two years apart as a part of the healing process.]

STAN: Well, Dorothy, I'm sorry this couldn't work out. But thank you for 38 years of love and friendship and memories. I will cherish them always.

DOROTHY: Stan. Ciao. [Exits the room]

A Warped Sense of Humor If I've Ever Seen One

Okay, so I've been told (or at least I like to believe) that I have an unique sense of humor. Think of the most offensive thing you could possibly say and I'll probably laugh. For example, I've said to my Jewish friend Sammi repeatedly that her people killed my Savior (even though I'm an Athiestic Catholic---more about that later). So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to explore my sense of humor and the various places it comes from:

1. The Golden Girls: As I've said before, I have watched "The Golden Girls" on Lifetime since the 6th grade. I've probably seen every episode 15 times and can almost quote word for word some of my favorite episodes. How does this affect my sense of humor?: I think it's in the way the girls make fun of each other and can take a joke while still loving each other. From Sophia's cantankerous, old-age quips and Dorothy's yelling and general mean disposition to Blanche's bitchy, aging Southern belle rants and Rose's random confusion. I especially love it whenever they gang up on Rose whenever she tells a St. Olaf story...priceless.

2. South Park: I first started watching this show after my friend Ashley told me about it back in 11th grade. I fell in love with the show and have seen almost every episode. How does this affect my sense of humor?: What other show can you think of that can make fun of "The Passion of the Christ", Catholic priests, Tom Cruise and police framing black people? I'd love to say that this where the offensiveness of my sense of humor got started.

3. Duck Soup: Everytime I see this 1933 Marx Brothers classic, I fall more and more in love with it. How does this affect my sense of humor?: The randomness of the one-liners and, come to think of it, almost every other joke, really inspires me. If only I could write a screenplay in which every single line is a one-liner just like in this one.

4. Keaton and Chaplin: The greatest of the silent clowns (I don't get Lloyd) and every film of theirs is a masterpiece (well, maybe there are a few duds...). How does this affect my sense of humor?: I laugh everytime I see someone fall down.

5. World War II: Now, this is rather offensive, but hear me out. What Hitler did was terrible, but can you think of another dictator who is this much fun? I mean, Jesus, he inspired "Springtime For Hitler"! Add to that concentration camps, the Holocaust, Japanese kamikaze's and the Hiroshima bomb and you've got plenty of offensive hilarity to last for a long time. How does this affect my sense of humor?: Ashley and I have been thinking about writing "Holocaust! The Musical" ever since Photography class last year (quietly, of course, because we didn't want Mr. Dewey to hear).

Well, here's the basic components to my screwed up sense of humor. Tell me what you think with a lovely comment.