I Am Liz Lemon #5

A new semi-regular series in which I point out moments from Liz Lemon's life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life. This will be the ultimate proof that, once and for all, I am Liz Lemon.

"So when did this happen? [getting back with Dennis]"

"Well, last week was my birthday and everyone forgot except Dennis. He called, we went out and it wasn't too weird."

Thanks to JD, who recently pointed this moment out to me. Have I become Liz Lemon so much that I can't even recognize the similarities anymore?

I Am Liz Lemon #4

A new semi-regular series in which I point out moments from Liz Lemon's life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life. This will be the ultimate proof that, once and for all, I am Liz Lemon.

"WHERE'S MY MAC & CHEESE?!"

True story: I joked about seeing myself actually doing this one day when this episode premiered, but it actually happened about a year ago. I was getting ready to make dinner for myself one night and decided to make a box of mac & cheese I had just bought. I knew I had left it on the floor by the rest of my food and looked there multiple times, but could not find it. I asked my roommate, who had just been cleaning, if she had seen the bag that had my mac & cheese. She helped me look for a second but we still came up empty. Finally, she admitted that she may have accidentally thrown the boxes away while cleaning. I kept my cool but I literally wanted to flip the dining room table over. It wasn't until much later that I got the irony/humor of that moment.

I Am Liz Lemon #3

A new semi-regular series in which I point out moments from Liz Lemon's life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life. This will be the ultimate proof that, once and for all, I am Liz Lemon.

"So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?"

"I just pretty much do whatever Oprah tells me to."

I Am Liz Lemon #2

A new semi-regular series in which I point out moments from Liz Lemon's life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life. This will be the ultimate proof that, once and for all, I am Liz Lemon.

"For the first time ever, things are lining up for old Liz Lemon!"

I Am Liz Lemon #1

A new semi-regular series in which I point out moments from Liz Lemon's life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life. This will be the ultimate proof that, once and for all, I am Liz Lemon.

"How would you feel if I called you Glasses?"
"I'd be fine with that."
"Good, because that's what I've been calling you, which was no help when I was trying to find your extension."

"Why were you trying to find my extension?"

"I have a friend who's opening up a new restaurant in SoHo and I was hoping that you'd go with me."

"What?"

"Do you wanna go out with me tonight?"

"......Why?"

"Because it would be fun. And you seem cool."

"What?"

***

"I don't go out on dates with guys like Grey. It feels wrong. He's The Hair and I'm a Head Plus, at best."

***

"Do you wanna go somewhere, just the two of us?"
"Okay, what's your game, friend?"
"Game? There's no game. What are you talking about?"
"I don't have any money, if that's what you're after. And I'm not one of those girls who does weird stuff in the bedroom because they think they have to. If you're a gay guy looking for a beard, I don't do that anymore. And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them, I have an uncle who's a cop, so don't even try that."

Blam-o!

Lifetime has recently been airing re-runs of The New Adventures of Old Christine, the now-canceled sitcom starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, so I've been watching all of these wonderful episodes over again and realizing just how much I love this show. The cast is uniformly great, but the real star is Julia as the frazzled mom Christine Campbell. When Old Christine started, she was the typical overworked mom, juggling work, motherhood, an ex-husband and a romantic life. It was all well and good, but it was nothing we hadn't seen before. As the show wore on, however, Christine became, how should I put this, more pathetic by the episode. She became a "part-time alcoholic," she couldn't commit to do anything, she depended on those around her for everything, her love life became increasingly awkward. But just when you would think she was too crazy to believable, you realized that she was utterly relatable. I would watch every week, failing at life, and realize, "Oh my God, I am SO going to be her when I grow up." And Julia Louis-Dreyfus was a godsend in the role because she was never afraid to amplify the crazy. Just like Christine, she has no shame and it worked so well in bringing the character to life.

I didn't hear until about an hour before airtime that Louis-Dreyfus was guest starring on this past week's live episode of 30 Rock. Needless to say, I was very excited by this news. I had no idea what role she would play, but just the thought of Christine Campbell and Liz Lemon, the two biggest losers on television, together on the same show made my head spin. Could I possibly handle all the middle-aged desperation about to be thrown my way? There was only one way to find out.

So, when the episode started and it was revealed that Julia was playing Liz Lemon during a couple random flashbacks (when it would have been impossible for Tina Fey to do so in the live show format), my heart skipped a beat. And her performance was every bit as amazing as you would think it would be. I laughed my ass off on Thursday and then spent the next morning watching Julia over and over again. After her years on The New Adventures of Old Christine, Julia Louis-Dreyfus completely understands how to play Liz Lemon's coarseness for laughs. Check it out for yourself:

Liz Lemon's first flashback:


Liz Lemon's second flashback:


Liz Lemon's second flashback (West Coast):

Brilliant. Not only do I want Julia Louis-Dreyfus to play Liz Lemon in all of her flashbacks, but I also want her to play me in my flashbacks. That would be epic.

The Death of Television

For years, TV watchers and critics alike have been complaining that the success of reality shows like Survivor, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor[ette] are ruining network television as we know it. We can blame these shows all we want, but, judging by the television season thus far, it is looking more and more like the networks and creative forces behind the shows are killing them faster than any reality show. I know I'm hardly television's most qualified critic because I don't watch an extraordinary amount of shows and some of the ones I continue to watch are dubious at best. However, I feel like I need to say something for the sake of these sinking shows I love so dearly.

Let's start with Desperate Housewives, a show I used to be so obsessive about I would tell people not to call my cell phone during the show unless there was some kind of medical emergency that couldn't wait until 10:01; now I'm so meh on it I can do homework, IM someone and eat all while watching it. For a show that started off so brilliantly with it's parody on suburban values and mores ingeniously mixed with a compelling, season-long mystery, it's a shame that the show quickly descended into a shadow of its former self. Don't get me wrong, I was still hooked on the show and loved some of the major arcs (Dixie Carter as Orson's mother, the season where Dana Delaney's Katharine was introduced) over the past few seasons, but the magic of that glorious first season has always been missing. This season, however, has been the absolute breaking point for me. The season premiere was hilarious and hinted at better things to come this season, but honestly, looking back, I'm guessing this reaction was due more to the fact that I missed the characters over the summer rather than the show was actually doing anything interesting. Needless to say, the show has progressed to shit. My main problem with Desperate Housewives is that the show doesn't have any balls anymore. I'm not suggesting that the show was incredibly ballsy before, but it at least talked about interesting subjects that few other network shows would touch (the child molester who Lynette inadvertently unleashes on the world, the dynamic between Bree and Andrew during season one and two, etc.). Now, Desperate Housewives has become passive in its refusal to even mention other darker alternatives to the character's problems. Take Lynette's unwanted pregnancy this season for instance. In the old days, she would have considered getting an abortion and, if the show was feeling particularly risky, she would have went ahead and gotten it. Instead, the word is never even mentioned and Lynette is forced to grin and bear it like a good woman and accept the pregnancy like she's a 50's housewife. It's gotten so bad that I hardly recognize these women anymore. The only one who has gotten better with time is Gabrielle and that's mainly because Eva Longoria Parker continually improves her comedic timing each season. The entire show has been sanitized of anything fun or groundbreaking every year to the point where it has become the type of show that it set out to parody originally. For years, creator Marc Cherry has promised a revamped Desperate Housewives that will return to the glory of the first season and for years the audience has been waiting for this to happen.

Gossip Girl is another show that has failed to live up to its high standards this season. I realize the show has had some tough shoes to fill after some incomparably golden episodes last season (the gorgeously shot The Dark Night, the one where Blair totally owns Serena in front of Yale's dean of admissions, the hilarious and spirited take on The Age of Innocence which managed the impossible task of momentarily making it look like Chace Crawford is a good actor) but it's like they're not even trying anymore. Like Desperate Housewives, the show has been heavily sanitized and interesting subplots either lead nowhere or to absolutely clichéd, One Tree Hill-esque endings. When Leighton fucking Meester (my #1 performance of last season) can't even manage to engage me except for the occasional bitchy one-liner, you know you're in trouble. Hopefully this week's highly publicized threesome will get thing back on track for my favorite guilty pleasure on TV (considering, of course, they pick the right people to be in this threesome).

Can you think of a show like Ugly Betty that has wavered in quality so many times during it's three season run its nearly impossible to keep up half the time? Last season ended so promisingly but right from the start, this season has been a big pile of shit. For a show that has depended for the most part on its main character being hated by every other character on the show, this season has really piled on the hatred to an almost unbearable level. If Marc makes one more snide comment about how he deserved the editors position over Betty, I swear to God I'm going to beat his face in. Shut the fuck up and get over it, you whiny bitch. The show has gotten so bad so fast I am actually dreading this week's episode in fear that it's going to be nearly as stifling and uninspiring as last week's.

I could try watching some of the new shows this season in hopes that something will fill the void left by these bland ones and that would be great if there was actually anything interesting to pick from. I'll admit that I haven't watched the supposedly great Modern Family yet, but if Glee (a fantastic debut, hit and miss ever since) and Community (I love the show but there are plenty of player haters out there) are the best new shows this season, TV is in serious trouble. It doesn't help that most of the new shows sounded either like clones of stuff that was already around (seriously, how many ER clones do we need on every channel?) or completely stupid from its description (Bitch please, The Good Wife. Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for a woman who was married to a politician and has to start life over...as a high powered attorney! Get a real problem, twat). I suppose I could quit bitching and just stop watching these shows but (a) do I ever just stop bitching about something? and (b) I have a hard time giving up on shows--it takes something catastrophically bad for me to stop watching a show I've loved for so long. None of these shows have hit that level yet, but desperately need something to shake things up again. If they don't, network TV will fall one step closer to its demise.

P.S. I know what you're thinking, "Well, what about last year's Emmy winners: 30 Rock and Mad Men? Those are surely still great." 30 Rock has been good this season so far, but there hasn't been an outstanding moment yet to compare with last year's mad season. As for Mad Men, well I kinda haven't been keeping up with that show. I started watching it every week but soon I grew tired of the way the episodes weren't really connecting with each other (they truly felt like distinct 40 minute shorts with the same characters each week). I missed one week, then another and finally I got so far behind I didn't even care anymore. Perhaps I'll catch up with a marathon one day, but at this moment I couldn't be bothered.

25 Best Performances of the TV Season

So, the 2008-09 TV season has officially ended and while the doldrums of the summer season begin and I impatiently wait for Mad Men and my Bravo reality shows [My Life on the D-List, Flipping Out, Tabatha's Salon Takeover and Shear Genius (if that's even coming back)], I decided it's the perfect time to celebrate the best of the past season. Instead of attempting to do a massive Emmy ballot like last year which I know would just end up a complete disaster, I decided to just rank my favorite performances of the season. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think the best of the season were.

25. Portia de Rossi, Better Off Ted
Hilariously deadpan. She's now officially my second favorite lesbian (after her wife, of course)

24. Sebastian Stan, Kings
That scene where his father denounces him for his homosexuality totally killed me. And don't we all love a scheming and manipulative gay (I think someone's been taking lessons from their girlfriend)?
23. Brie Larson, The United States of Tara
She gets the funniest lines on the show and I love that even if she's a bitch most of the time, she's still my ideal older sister.
22. Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Always a delight as the unlucky-in-love Olive. I especially loved her nun storyline this past (and last, sadly) season.
21. Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Often has the most ridiculous, WTF lines on the show and he still makes them work.

20. Hannah Murray, Skins
I'm so behind on Skins it's almost embarrassing, but, thanks to Murray, her season one episode was one of the most heartbreakingly real takes on anorexia and eating disorders I've ever seen.
19. Keir Gilchrist, The United States of Tara
Adorable, instantly lovable and already one of my favorite gays ever. As an added bonus, I want his wardrobe more than any other person's on TV.
18. Marcia Gay Harden, Damages
Practically oozes a confident sexuality unmatched by anyone on TV. The fact that she's over 40 and is still sexier than Megan Fox is a testament to her acting (and her incredible, real body)
17. Eva Longoria-Parker, Desperate Housewives
She gets better and funnier with every passing season and still no respect. I do not understand Hollywood sometimes.
16. Ian McShane, Kings
Overpowering and authoritative like any king should be.

15. Hugh Laurie, House
Consistently probing while chipping away at the psyche of one the darkest, complicated and most awesome characters on TV ever. Has anyone done this much character work on what is, more or less, a "procedural" show?
14. Becki Newton & Michael Urie, Ugly Betty
My favorite gay guy/fag hag combination ever (Will & Grace excluded, of course). Apart, they're brilliant. But when they're together, all hell breaks loose. I love that the show is allowing Urie's Marc to grow and become more than just a shallow (yet hilarious) stereotype, while I'm impressed that they have managed to keep Newton's Amanda fresh and freakishly hilarious week after week.
13. Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
One of the very few reasons I watched Saturday Night Live as much as I did this season. Given just a couple of props and quirks, she develops characters that are so funny I forget to breathe sometimes. And the best part is she's ALWAYS funny, no matter how awful some of her sketches are.
12. Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
Ms. Cross will forever and for always be my favorite desperate housewife. I just wished she got better storylines and more respect from all of the awards groups (One Emmy nomination and NO wins?! How is this even possible? She should have 2 statues, easily).
11. Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
What more does this woman have to do to prove that she's infinitely worthy of an Emmy nomination? She's consistently brings the house down every week and her quotes are the ones I'm always repeating for weeks on end.

10. Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies
Adorable, achingly sweet and just awkward enough to be completely endearing.
9. Rose Byrne, Damages
Scarily intense. I thought I loved her the first season, but she upped her game tenfold for the second. Now, will Emmy fall in line and actually nominate her?
8. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, The New Adventures of Old Christine
My favorite moment of the entire season happened in the episode of Christine where Louis-Dreyfuss is trying to prove to the gang what a sore loser her boyfriend is after he has a complete meltdown when she beats him in tennis. She asks everyone to make sure that he loses at all costs, but when he starts beating everyone, she has a meltdown herself, stamping on the floor and throwing game pieces all over the place. Apparently, I was causing such a commotion with my laughter, my parents had to ask and make sure I was alright. It is for moments like this that I love Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and her take on the burned out single mother.
7. Glenn Close, Damages
By now, Glenn Close has this cold, intense and generally frightening gorgon act down pat, but you can see that she maintains Patty Hewes as a work in process; Close continues to add layers to the character with each passing episode.
6. Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
I was tempted at first to call Portia de Rossi my favorite corporate ballbuster on TV, but then I remembered that Alec Baldwin was on my list and I completely forgot about that. He's still the funniest guy on TV and seeing his chemistry with Tina Fey only get stronger and funnier every week fills me with complete joy.

5. Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
It's a man's world, but Moss's Peggy Olson is fighting to good fight for women's equality in the workplace in her own special way. I love that she doesn't give big, moralizing lectures, but instead does her work better than any of the men while slowly gaining the respect of Don. But, she also has her heartbreaks and its during these moments that we are really moved by Peggy and Moss's performance.


4. Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
For a show that has more ups and downs, quality wise, than Britney's comeback, it's never less than surprising the way Vanessa Williams is able to consistently find new ways to make being a complete diva bitch compelling and funny. After three seasons, you would think we would get tired of this shtick, but Williams is a much smarter actress than most people give her credit for and knows how to be villainous while showing her human side at the same time. It's a very difficult role, but Williams handles it without breaking a sweat.


3. Jon Hamm, Mad Men
The most interesting thing about Hamm's interpretation of Don Draper, and consequently why it's ones of the best performances of the season, is that for everything that happens to him throughout the course of the season, he remains as much of an enigma as before. Who is Don Draper and, furthermore, will anyone (including Don himself) ever really figure him out? Thanks to Jon Hamm, we'll continue to have fun guessing.


2. Tina Fey, 30 Rock & Saturday Night Live
My professor this semester wondered out loud about Tina Fey's Liz Lemon, "I find it hard to believe that anyone can be that pathetic." I thought about this for a second and had to disagree. Liz Lemon has to be that pathetic because we are all Liz Lemon in one way or another. We have all reacted in similar ways to the situations Liz gets in week after week (and don't you deny it!). On the other hand, Fey's Sarah Palin interpretation became a full-blown cultural phenomenon and it was all highly deserved.


1. Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl
If you're at all surprised by this, then what site have you been reading for the past year? I liked her well enough during the first season, but it wasn't until this year that it blew up into a full-blown obsession. With every passing week, Meester turned Blair Waldorf from a guilty pleasure to one of the coolest and most cheerworthy characters on television. Every time she delivers a bitchy one-liner, manipulates her way out of a situation or devises a scheme to eliminate a potential threat to her well-being, we cheer her on and laugh at the sheer outrageousness of her character (especially when she embarrasses her frenemy Serena in front of the dean of admissions by telling him about Serena's "murder"). But then there are the quieter moments when Meester truly shines as a dramatic actress as well. I still remember the scene where Blair is standing in front of a mirror and, in a beautiful long take, she stares at her reflection and goes from stoic, to upset, to a blubbering mess, back to upset, sullen and finally happy. This all happens in a matter of 45 seconds and is one of the most entrancing moments of the past season. For all of these reasons and more, I mention to JD every week that she's worthy of an Emmy nomination. It completely saddens me that she'll probably never get the respect she deserves just because she's young, relatively unknown and on a "teen" drama on the CW. Leighton Meester is a goddess and one of the most promising and hottest actresses in Hollywood- when will the rest of the world start to take notice?

Anchors Aweigh

I really have no reason to post this picture of actor Luke Grimes (currently on the insufferable Brothers & Sisters) in a sailor outfit other than for the obvious, superficial reasons. What is it about sailors that drives people absolutely wild with lust? Silent movie star William Haines was known to enjoy their company and was arrested for having sex with one in 1934. And I'm sure we all remember Jenna Maroney's "disgusting story about Fleet Week" on 30 Rock. I'm sure this will be a mystery that will never be solved, so, in the mean time, enjoy a couple more of my favorite cinematic sailors.

Brad Davis as the hunky and homosexual (Maybe? This movie is very confusing) Querelle in Fassbinder's film of the same name.

Buster Keaton as the sweet and misunderstood son of a disapproving riverboat captain father in Steamboat Bill, Jr.

The Four Things Meme

I saw this over at Stale Popcorn and I thought it would be a quick and fun meme to complete.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
I'm not going to lie...I've only had two different jobs in my life: Sales Floor Team Member and Teacher Assistant

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Gone With the Wind, Singin' in the Rain, Mommie Dearest and Spice World

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE LIVED
Chesterfield (up through elementary school), Yale (through junior high and high school), Kalamazoo (college) and that's it.

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
I really could expand this to 10 easily, but I'll stick with The Golden Girls, 30 Rock, American Idol, Desperate Housewives

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION
Minneapolis (for the Mall of America), Atlanta (for the Gone With the Wind tourist attractions), Mackinac Island (for the fudge), Six Flags in Ohio somewhere (for the rides and such)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
Facebook (add me as a friend if we aren't already!), The Superficial, Stale Popcorn, Valley Dreamin'

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
Chinese Food (I can't narrow it down more than that), Donuts, Chocolate, Bagels with Cream Cheese

FOUR PLACES YOU'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. In bed with Zac Efron
2. At the 2008 Oscars, witnessing La Tisdale winning a much deserved Oscar for High School Musical 3: Senior Year
3. On a deserted tropical island, far away from responsibilities and annoying people
4. At a screening of a film such as Rachel Getting Married, Happy-Go-Lucky or I've Loved You So Long, that, despite having been in release for as long as two months in some cases, still haven't come anywhere close to a movie theater in my area.

FOUR BLOGGERS YOU'RE TAGGING
J.D. at Valley Dreamin', mB at A Blog Next Door, Vance at Tapeworthy, Michael at My Stuff and Cr*p

"Oh, No Comeback? Ya Burnt!"

"If the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again? It's time for a change, America. That's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008!"

Please don't make the same mistake as our dear Jenna Maroney when you are going out to vote today!

Obama=Good
Osama=Bad
Obama does not equal Osama

And just for fun...



You're welcome!

"There Once Was a Girl Named Regina..."

This clip was from Saturday Night Live two weeks ago when Jon Hamm hosted and, for God knows what reason, it wasn't posted anywhere online until a couple of days ago. It's quite a head scratcher since I thought it was the funniest sketch of the night. Who knew that Jon Hamm could do such an uncanny James Mason impression? That's not exactly in everyone's repetoire. And Kristen Wiig's Gloria Swanson/Norma Desmond was genius ("I'm a pirate, AARRRRGH.") even if the accent sounded a bit like Katharine Hepburn.

In other Jon Hamm related news, The Ausiello Files is reporting that he is in final negotiations join the cast of 30 Rock for a multi-episode storyline as Tina Fey's love interest. Hell to the yes! This news is so epic it makes Lawrence of Arabia look tiny. I only have one request: can Christina Hendricks get a part, too?

"Oprah is Coming!"

Only three more days until Oprah unites with Tina Fey and company on 30 Rock for the greatest episode in the history of television!

I'm Seeing Double as Well

After reading this great post at A Blog Next Door, I noticed another peculiarity while at the movies this afternoon. Here's another instance of two very different characters saying the exact same thing:

Liz Lemon, when firing her potential boyfriend's current girlfriend, Liz Lemler, on 30 Rock: "I'm the decider."

George Bush, when admonishing Dick Cheney for having too much presence in the cabinet meetings in W.: "I'm the decider."

Random Top 10: A Tribute to America

As much as I bitch about America (which happens nearly every time I watch American Idol or see what a complete fucktard George Bush is) there are some generally good things about this place: Hollywood, Oprah, Jake Gyllenhaal, celebreailty, day-to-day coverage on the happenings of Britney Spears, freedom of speech (which allows me to get away with calling the president a fucktard), Emmy-award winner Kathy Griffin. I could go on, but you get the point. I kinda have a lot to be thankful for. So, in honor of America's 232nd birthday, here are some joyous tributes to America. Enjoy!

10.

9.

8.

"You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want to have a hot dog real bad."

7.

I understand Tilda's not American, but what other actress born in this country have you seen show this much patriotism at one point?

6.

5.

"Hello, Mr. President. Can I ask you something? Is the oval office as hard to vaccum as I think it is?"

4.

I'm not a huge fan of West Side Story, but Rita Moreno is absolutely amazing here. Love that skirt action!

3.

"I chose Mount Rushmore 'cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly, old mountain and put faces on it- faces of great Americans who did so much to make this country super great- well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American."

2.

"Why aren't they spinning?"

1.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for James Cagney, this movie and patriotic tunes. They all get me every time.

My Emmy Winners

Best Performance in a TV Special:

Victoria Beckham, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America

Best Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie:

Ashley Tisdale, High School Musical 2

Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie:

Dame Judi Dench, Cranford


Best Reality Show (Non-Competition):

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

Best Reality Show (Competition):

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School

Best Guest Star (Actor or Actress):

Britney Spears, How I Met Your Mother
(And, unfortunately, she'll have to settle for my award since the Emmy's have snubbed her from the Top 10 Finalists list. Those fucktards.)

Best Supporting Actor (Drama):

Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy):

Chi McBride, Pushing Daisies

Best Supporting Actress (Drama):

Rose Byrne, Damages

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy):

Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Best Actor (Drama):

Hugh Laurie, House

Best Actor (Comedy):

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Best Actress (Drama):

Glenn Close, Damages

Best Actress (Comedy):

Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives

Best Drama:

Gossip Girl

Best Comedy:

30 Rock

My Emmy's (Part 2)

Last week I gave you Part 1 of what my ballot would look like if I voted for the Emmy's. Now, here's Part 2, which consists of Supporting and Guest Performances and Reality Shows. Winners will be announced in a couple of days.

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy)
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Dana Delaney, Desperate Housewives
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Becki Newton, Ugly Betty
Michelle Patterson, I Love New York 2
Wanda Sykes, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

This category was so overloaded with great performances that I just couldn't narrow it down to 5. Vanessa Williams is, to me, the main reason to watch Ugly Betty. Vain, self-centered, impeccably dressed and always ready to throw out a one-liner, Williams' Wilhelmina Slater brings the goods everytime she comes on screen. Becki Newton's Amanda is just as treacherous as Wilhelmina, if only more upfront about it, and gets nearly as many laughs being as silly and ridiculous as possible. As a comedienne, Wanda Sykes is severely underrated. Not only is she great at stand-up, but she's also a fantastic actress. She should have won the Oscar for her work in 2005's Monster in Law, her first TV show Wanda at Large was hilarious but canceled too quickly and she was the best thing about Evan Almighty. On The New Adventures of Old Christine, she often has me dying of laughter because of the way she doesn't put up with Julia Louis-Dreyfus' Christine's bullshit and calls her out on it all of the time. Kristin Chenoweth's character on Pushing Daisies could have gotten annoying over time. Thankfully Chenoweth keeps her light and ultimately charming in her own peculiar way. Dana Delaney's latest housewife brought the drama this season on Desperate Housewives and who didn't love her bitchfights with Marcia Cross' Bree? Again, I realize that I Love New York 2 is technically a reality show, but Tiffany Pollard had to get her craziness from somewhere- and that somewhere is her mother, Michelle ("Sister") Patterson. Admit it: you loved her reaction when she first met Midget Mac and thought it was hilarious every time she brought up her "third eye." Jane Krakowski's Jenna didn't get much face time this season, but when she did it was magical. Divas don't come any bigger (or more delusional) than Jenna and we love her for it. Best moment: when finding Liz's positive pregnancy test, her response is "Someone's going to get more attention than me."

Best Supporting Actress (Drama)
Rose Byrne, Damages
Jill Clayburgh, Dirty Sexy Money
Lisa Edelstein, House
Taraji P. Henson, Boston Legal (ABC)
Natalie Zea, Dirty Sexy Money

I gave up on Boston Legal this season after reaching the breaking point with it's preachy monologues in place of actual quality writing and the fact that I'm supposed to believe that all of these beautiful hot chicks would get with a bloated James Spader. The only reason I would go back, however, is for Taraji P. Henson's fierce newbie lawyer to the firm who isn't taking shit from anyone- not even Spader's Alan Shore. Jill Clayburgh is basically the emotional center of Dirty Sexy Money and another reason to trumpet her comeback to the big time. Natalie Zea's Karen is a characterization rather than a full-fledged character, but Zea has so much fun with her messy contradictions and unashamed forwardness that she becomes a real person. Lisa Edelstein, like Marcia Cross, is the most underrated actress on her show's cast and I don't understand why the awards groups continuously snub her. She doesn't have much of a life outside of the hospital, but her verbal battles with Hugh Laurie's House are the highlights of the show and it's fun to see how low she'll stoop to get back at him sometimes. Glenn Close may hog all of the attention on Damages, but over in the corner Rose Byrne is doing some great work as well. Byrne could have copped out and basically rode Close's coattails, but, at times, her work is nearly as brilliant as Close's.

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)
Clark Gregg, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Chi McBride, Pushing Daisies
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Michael Urie, Ugly Betty

Okay, I'm getting lazy and everyone knows that Supporting Actor is always the lamest category. Few word summaries for every nominee. Gregg: Strangely charming. McBrayer: Creeper, but funny. McBride: Deadpan hilarity. Morgan: Jenna looks less crazy next to him. Urie: Fabulously bitchy

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)
William Baldwin, Dirty Sexy Money
Ted Danson, Damages
Robert Sean Leonard, House
Donald Sutherland, Dirty Sexy Money
Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl

Baldwin: Makes tranny-loving heartwarming. Danson: Bad or good? Leonard: Right-hand man brilliance. Sutherland: Warden of the Darling insane asylum. Westick: Hated him at first, now unthinkable without him.

Best Reality Show (Competition)
America's Most Smartest Model (VH1)
America's Next Top Model (The CW)
American Idol (Fox)
Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School (VH1)
I Love New York 2 (VH1)

Apparently VH1 is the channel to get the best competition reality shows. America's Most Smartest Model really should have been retarded beyond belief, but leave it to VH1 to find the prettiest, craziest dumb people ever and put them in a house together. Andre the Soviet actually had me cheering for Communism. Tiffany Pollard and Michelle Patterson were back with another absolutely insane season of I Love New York. From Sister Patterson's freakout when meeting Midget Mac to the fight between Sister Patterson and The Entertainer's mother and New York's 2 minute emotional rollercoaster ride with Buddha in her hotel room, the whole season was brilliantly trashy. Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School was just another excuse to bring the fabulously trashy women of the first two seasons back together again. Unexpectedly, however, the show was really uplifting in the strangest ways and I felt better about myself after the season was over. Who knows if the changes stuck, but I was convinced at the finale. You all know I'm obsessed with American Idol so it's inclusion should come as no surprise. America's Next Top Model's two season were as fun and addictive as usual. The challenges were great, the women were refreshing and the judges were as hilarious as ever (Tyra talking about herself all the time and Miss J making fun of Dominique).

Best Reality Show (Non-Competition)
Hey Paula! (Bravo)
Flipping Out (Bravo)
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo)
Kitchen Nightmares (Fox)
Supernanny (ABC)

On the other hand, Bravo must be the channel for non-competition reality shows. I recently watched the entire first season of Flipping Out on a Bravo marathon and I was completely hooked. Where did they find this guy? He's absolutely crazy/hilarious and his assistants are just as fantastic. Hey Paula! was probably an attempt to show the normal side of Paula Abdul, but, in the end, it just proved to everyone how insane she actually is. Some of the stuff she did on that show was so unbelievably nuts I couldn't believe she approved to let it air. My Life on the D-List is always a treat, but Emmy-award winning comedienne Kathy Griffin got more personal than ever on this last season, dealing with her divorce and the death of her father. But it was also funnier than most shows that have aired in the past 5 years. Her best season by far. Kitchen Nightmares is a direct transfer of Gordon Ramsey's British show of the same name, but it's still as fascinating as ever watching him yell at moronic managers and try to turn these dying businesses around. Supernanny, along with Wife Swap, is growing a bit repetitious these days, but during the past few months it's getting a lot of spunk back due to Jo's increased bitchiness. She's not taking any more bullshit from these parents and I love her more for it: You go on and tell it like it is!

Best Guest Star (Actor or Actress)
Will Arnett, 30 Rock
Victoria Beckham, Ugly Betty
Molly Shannon, Pushing Daisies
Britney Spears, How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock
Michelle Trachtenberg, Gossip Girl

Who makes fun of Victoria Beckham better than Victoria Beckham? Her inspired cameo on Ugly Betty was one of this season's highlights for me. Michelle Trachtenberg's Georgina was the cherry on top of the amazing first season of Gossip Girl. Her outrageous exploits in the final few episodes had me addicted in a way comparable to how Courtney Love feels about crack. Elaine Stritch returned this season on 30 Rock as Jack's mother and I loved the way she tried to crack the perfect facade of Liz's family. This woman still has it. Will Arnett also reprised an earlier role on 30 Rock and he matched Alec Baldwin raspy, businessman voice for raspy, businessman voice. Molly Shannon is an underrated comic genius and her murderous candymaker was another reason to love her. Most people will say that she doesn't belong within 50 miles of an Emmy ballot, but no cameo had America talking more than Britney Spears' comeback work on How I Met Your Mother. It may not be Method acting by any means, but who can deny her inspired comic timing.