My Thoughts on This Year's Emmy Winners

Best Drama: Mad Men

I gave up on this show last season.

Best Comedy: Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Actor (Drama): Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Drama): Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

I don't watch this show. My mother does, though, and really likes Sedgwick's character. "She's so realistic, James. She's going through menopause like I am!"

Best Actor (Comedy): Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Comedy): Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

I watched the first four episodes. Wasn't terribly impressed or in a rush to watch other episodes.

Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Drama): Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy): Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Jane Lynch, Glee

Watched the first season. Thought Lynch thoroughly deserved the award. Will never watch another episode.

Well, that was...fascinatingly in-depth? I guess we can safely assume that the Emmys and I have vastly different tastes when it comes to television. Especially when you consider that if I ran things, Sterling Knight would have two Emmys by now and Snooki would be nominated next to Tina Fey in the Comedy category.

The Death of Television

For years, TV watchers and critics alike have been complaining that the success of reality shows like Survivor, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor[ette] are ruining network television as we know it. We can blame these shows all we want, but, judging by the television season thus far, it is looking more and more like the networks and creative forces behind the shows are killing them faster than any reality show. I know I'm hardly television's most qualified critic because I don't watch an extraordinary amount of shows and some of the ones I continue to watch are dubious at best. However, I feel like I need to say something for the sake of these sinking shows I love so dearly.

Let's start with Desperate Housewives, a show I used to be so obsessive about I would tell people not to call my cell phone during the show unless there was some kind of medical emergency that couldn't wait until 10:01; now I'm so meh on it I can do homework, IM someone and eat all while watching it. For a show that started off so brilliantly with it's parody on suburban values and mores ingeniously mixed with a compelling, season-long mystery, it's a shame that the show quickly descended into a shadow of its former self. Don't get me wrong, I was still hooked on the show and loved some of the major arcs (Dixie Carter as Orson's mother, the season where Dana Delaney's Katharine was introduced) over the past few seasons, but the magic of that glorious first season has always been missing. This season, however, has been the absolute breaking point for me. The season premiere was hilarious and hinted at better things to come this season, but honestly, looking back, I'm guessing this reaction was due more to the fact that I missed the characters over the summer rather than the show was actually doing anything interesting. Needless to say, the show has progressed to shit. My main problem with Desperate Housewives is that the show doesn't have any balls anymore. I'm not suggesting that the show was incredibly ballsy before, but it at least talked about interesting subjects that few other network shows would touch (the child molester who Lynette inadvertently unleashes on the world, the dynamic between Bree and Andrew during season one and two, etc.). Now, Desperate Housewives has become passive in its refusal to even mention other darker alternatives to the character's problems. Take Lynette's unwanted pregnancy this season for instance. In the old days, she would have considered getting an abortion and, if the show was feeling particularly risky, she would have went ahead and gotten it. Instead, the word is never even mentioned and Lynette is forced to grin and bear it like a good woman and accept the pregnancy like she's a 50's housewife. It's gotten so bad that I hardly recognize these women anymore. The only one who has gotten better with time is Gabrielle and that's mainly because Eva Longoria Parker continually improves her comedic timing each season. The entire show has been sanitized of anything fun or groundbreaking every year to the point where it has become the type of show that it set out to parody originally. For years, creator Marc Cherry has promised a revamped Desperate Housewives that will return to the glory of the first season and for years the audience has been waiting for this to happen.

Gossip Girl is another show that has failed to live up to its high standards this season. I realize the show has had some tough shoes to fill after some incomparably golden episodes last season (the gorgeously shot The Dark Night, the one where Blair totally owns Serena in front of Yale's dean of admissions, the hilarious and spirited take on The Age of Innocence which managed the impossible task of momentarily making it look like Chace Crawford is a good actor) but it's like they're not even trying anymore. Like Desperate Housewives, the show has been heavily sanitized and interesting subplots either lead nowhere or to absolutely clichéd, One Tree Hill-esque endings. When Leighton fucking Meester (my #1 performance of last season) can't even manage to engage me except for the occasional bitchy one-liner, you know you're in trouble. Hopefully this week's highly publicized threesome will get thing back on track for my favorite guilty pleasure on TV (considering, of course, they pick the right people to be in this threesome).

Can you think of a show like Ugly Betty that has wavered in quality so many times during it's three season run its nearly impossible to keep up half the time? Last season ended so promisingly but right from the start, this season has been a big pile of shit. For a show that has depended for the most part on its main character being hated by every other character on the show, this season has really piled on the hatred to an almost unbearable level. If Marc makes one more snide comment about how he deserved the editors position over Betty, I swear to God I'm going to beat his face in. Shut the fuck up and get over it, you whiny bitch. The show has gotten so bad so fast I am actually dreading this week's episode in fear that it's going to be nearly as stifling and uninspiring as last week's.

I could try watching some of the new shows this season in hopes that something will fill the void left by these bland ones and that would be great if there was actually anything interesting to pick from. I'll admit that I haven't watched the supposedly great Modern Family yet, but if Glee (a fantastic debut, hit and miss ever since) and Community (I love the show but there are plenty of player haters out there) are the best new shows this season, TV is in serious trouble. It doesn't help that most of the new shows sounded either like clones of stuff that was already around (seriously, how many ER clones do we need on every channel?) or completely stupid from its description (Bitch please, The Good Wife. Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for a woman who was married to a politician and has to start life over...as a high powered attorney! Get a real problem, twat). I suppose I could quit bitching and just stop watching these shows but (a) do I ever just stop bitching about something? and (b) I have a hard time giving up on shows--it takes something catastrophically bad for me to stop watching a show I've loved for so long. None of these shows have hit that level yet, but desperately need something to shake things up again. If they don't, network TV will fall one step closer to its demise.

P.S. I know what you're thinking, "Well, what about last year's Emmy winners: 30 Rock and Mad Men? Those are surely still great." 30 Rock has been good this season so far, but there hasn't been an outstanding moment yet to compare with last year's mad season. As for Mad Men, well I kinda haven't been keeping up with that show. I started watching it every week but soon I grew tired of the way the episodes weren't really connecting with each other (they truly felt like distinct 40 minute shorts with the same characters each week). I missed one week, then another and finally I got so far behind I didn't even care anymore. Perhaps I'll catch up with a marathon one day, but at this moment I couldn't be bothered.

25 Best Performances of the TV Season

So, the 2008-09 TV season has officially ended and while the doldrums of the summer season begin and I impatiently wait for Mad Men and my Bravo reality shows [My Life on the D-List, Flipping Out, Tabatha's Salon Takeover and Shear Genius (if that's even coming back)], I decided it's the perfect time to celebrate the best of the past season. Instead of attempting to do a massive Emmy ballot like last year which I know would just end up a complete disaster, I decided to just rank my favorite performances of the season. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think the best of the season were.

25. Portia de Rossi, Better Off Ted
Hilariously deadpan. She's now officially my second favorite lesbian (after her wife, of course)

24. Sebastian Stan, Kings
That scene where his father denounces him for his homosexuality totally killed me. And don't we all love a scheming and manipulative gay (I think someone's been taking lessons from their girlfriend)?
23. Brie Larson, The United States of Tara
She gets the funniest lines on the show and I love that even if she's a bitch most of the time, she's still my ideal older sister.
22. Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Always a delight as the unlucky-in-love Olive. I especially loved her nun storyline this past (and last, sadly) season.
21. Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Often has the most ridiculous, WTF lines on the show and he still makes them work.

20. Hannah Murray, Skins
I'm so behind on Skins it's almost embarrassing, but, thanks to Murray, her season one episode was one of the most heartbreakingly real takes on anorexia and eating disorders I've ever seen.
19. Keir Gilchrist, The United States of Tara
Adorable, instantly lovable and already one of my favorite gays ever. As an added bonus, I want his wardrobe more than any other person's on TV.
18. Marcia Gay Harden, Damages
Practically oozes a confident sexuality unmatched by anyone on TV. The fact that she's over 40 and is still sexier than Megan Fox is a testament to her acting (and her incredible, real body)
17. Eva Longoria-Parker, Desperate Housewives
She gets better and funnier with every passing season and still no respect. I do not understand Hollywood sometimes.
16. Ian McShane, Kings
Overpowering and authoritative like any king should be.

15. Hugh Laurie, House
Consistently probing while chipping away at the psyche of one the darkest, complicated and most awesome characters on TV ever. Has anyone done this much character work on what is, more or less, a "procedural" show?
14. Becki Newton & Michael Urie, Ugly Betty
My favorite gay guy/fag hag combination ever (Will & Grace excluded, of course). Apart, they're brilliant. But when they're together, all hell breaks loose. I love that the show is allowing Urie's Marc to grow and become more than just a shallow (yet hilarious) stereotype, while I'm impressed that they have managed to keep Newton's Amanda fresh and freakishly hilarious week after week.
13. Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
One of the very few reasons I watched Saturday Night Live as much as I did this season. Given just a couple of props and quirks, she develops characters that are so funny I forget to breathe sometimes. And the best part is she's ALWAYS funny, no matter how awful some of her sketches are.
12. Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
Ms. Cross will forever and for always be my favorite desperate housewife. I just wished she got better storylines and more respect from all of the awards groups (One Emmy nomination and NO wins?! How is this even possible? She should have 2 statues, easily).
11. Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
What more does this woman have to do to prove that she's infinitely worthy of an Emmy nomination? She's consistently brings the house down every week and her quotes are the ones I'm always repeating for weeks on end.

10. Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies
Adorable, achingly sweet and just awkward enough to be completely endearing.
9. Rose Byrne, Damages
Scarily intense. I thought I loved her the first season, but she upped her game tenfold for the second. Now, will Emmy fall in line and actually nominate her?
8. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, The New Adventures of Old Christine
My favorite moment of the entire season happened in the episode of Christine where Louis-Dreyfuss is trying to prove to the gang what a sore loser her boyfriend is after he has a complete meltdown when she beats him in tennis. She asks everyone to make sure that he loses at all costs, but when he starts beating everyone, she has a meltdown herself, stamping on the floor and throwing game pieces all over the place. Apparently, I was causing such a commotion with my laughter, my parents had to ask and make sure I was alright. It is for moments like this that I love Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and her take on the burned out single mother.
7. Glenn Close, Damages
By now, Glenn Close has this cold, intense and generally frightening gorgon act down pat, but you can see that she maintains Patty Hewes as a work in process; Close continues to add layers to the character with each passing episode.
6. Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
I was tempted at first to call Portia de Rossi my favorite corporate ballbuster on TV, but then I remembered that Alec Baldwin was on my list and I completely forgot about that. He's still the funniest guy on TV and seeing his chemistry with Tina Fey only get stronger and funnier every week fills me with complete joy.

5. Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
It's a man's world, but Moss's Peggy Olson is fighting to good fight for women's equality in the workplace in her own special way. I love that she doesn't give big, moralizing lectures, but instead does her work better than any of the men while slowly gaining the respect of Don. But, she also has her heartbreaks and its during these moments that we are really moved by Peggy and Moss's performance.


4. Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
For a show that has more ups and downs, quality wise, than Britney's comeback, it's never less than surprising the way Vanessa Williams is able to consistently find new ways to make being a complete diva bitch compelling and funny. After three seasons, you would think we would get tired of this shtick, but Williams is a much smarter actress than most people give her credit for and knows how to be villainous while showing her human side at the same time. It's a very difficult role, but Williams handles it without breaking a sweat.


3. Jon Hamm, Mad Men
The most interesting thing about Hamm's interpretation of Don Draper, and consequently why it's ones of the best performances of the season, is that for everything that happens to him throughout the course of the season, he remains as much of an enigma as before. Who is Don Draper and, furthermore, will anyone (including Don himself) ever really figure him out? Thanks to Jon Hamm, we'll continue to have fun guessing.


2. Tina Fey, 30 Rock & Saturday Night Live
My professor this semester wondered out loud about Tina Fey's Liz Lemon, "I find it hard to believe that anyone can be that pathetic." I thought about this for a second and had to disagree. Liz Lemon has to be that pathetic because we are all Liz Lemon in one way or another. We have all reacted in similar ways to the situations Liz gets in week after week (and don't you deny it!). On the other hand, Fey's Sarah Palin interpretation became a full-blown cultural phenomenon and it was all highly deserved.


1. Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl
If you're at all surprised by this, then what site have you been reading for the past year? I liked her well enough during the first season, but it wasn't until this year that it blew up into a full-blown obsession. With every passing week, Meester turned Blair Waldorf from a guilty pleasure to one of the coolest and most cheerworthy characters on television. Every time she delivers a bitchy one-liner, manipulates her way out of a situation or devises a scheme to eliminate a potential threat to her well-being, we cheer her on and laugh at the sheer outrageousness of her character (especially when she embarrasses her frenemy Serena in front of the dean of admissions by telling him about Serena's "murder"). But then there are the quieter moments when Meester truly shines as a dramatic actress as well. I still remember the scene where Blair is standing in front of a mirror and, in a beautiful long take, she stares at her reflection and goes from stoic, to upset, to a blubbering mess, back to upset, sullen and finally happy. This all happens in a matter of 45 seconds and is one of the most entrancing moments of the past season. For all of these reasons and more, I mention to JD every week that she's worthy of an Emmy nomination. It completely saddens me that she'll probably never get the respect she deserves just because she's young, relatively unknown and on a "teen" drama on the CW. Leighton Meester is a goddess and one of the most promising and hottest actresses in Hollywood- when will the rest of the world start to take notice?

The Best Thing About Mad Men Season One So Far...

Seriously, Joan Holloway (played by Christina Hendricks) is the coolest person ever. Not only does she wears those tight dresses that show off her ass immaculately, but she also bosses Peggy around in a sneaky, "I'm not really a bitch" kind of way that is still really bitchy and she's sleeping with the freaking boss! How much better can she get?

I'm slowly working my way through season 1 of Mad Men and I'm loving every minute of it. The show is surprisingly addictive and incredibly well done production wise. The way it is shot often feels more like a movie than any TV show I've ever seen. I also love how, just like Damages, nearly every episode changes our opinion of each character. I've gone from wanting to punch Pete in the face, to liking him when he starts enjoying married life, to feeling bad for him when he has to take a loan from his in-laws for his new apartment and now, 10 episodes in, I'm back to hating him for treating Peggy so poorly. I only have a few more episodes left and then I can start watching the new season!