100 Hot Men and a Dame: #89 River Viiperi

89. River Viiperi

Occupation: Model

Nationality: Spanish

Age: 20

Best Known For: Starring in ad campaigns for American Eagle and Calvin Klein while landing the covers of magazines such as Coitus and Guapo--all within a very short period of time.

For this installment of 100 Hot Men & a Dame, I have my good friend Kameron (follow him on Twitter and Tumblr) helping me out. Kameron and I met online a couple summers ago and, as we used to live in the same state, he's the only online friend I've made that I have met in real life. Our friendship appears to be based on disagreeing about everything, but, somehow, we have agreed on a few men on my list. So enjoy the first of a few conversations with him!

Dame James: When did you first encounter River and, if it wasn't love at first sight, when did you fall in love with him?

Kameron: It was love at first drool. I was a Men's Underwear "expert" at Bloomingdale's and we began getting a new line of Calvin Klein's in called "CK One". They were cute, sexy, young, hip, all of that... but the best part was the sexy new adverts placed in my section. The posters made me want to umm... further my product knowledge *cough* and in doing so I stumbled across this:

First off, Yum. Secondly he is European and if you know me, you know I can't resist those Europeans. This fresh face Spanish beauty had me at "hola".

DJ: Sigh, and to think the hottest guys I see at work are the generic male models wearing Target clothing. If I got to look at River every day, I'd be a lot happier at work! It's easy to see why that advertisement deepened your love of him. That accent! Although, I always find it strange hearing models speak after focusing on their looks for so long. They never sound the way you'd think. Thankfully, in River's case, he sounds better than you'd expect.

I first noticed River sometime in early 2010. I had had a slight interest in male models for a time but River had something special beyond the requisite good looks. He could actually model! And he has a wonderful, unexpected range, quite the feat since most male models only have to look hot in skimpy underwear. Have you looked into his portfolio? Any favorite photos? I've always loved this one with the cat on his head.

 

K: I've never obsessed to the point were I looked up his entire portfolio but I have seen quite a lot of sexy pics on the Fuck Yeah Tumblr blog made in his honor. To have to choose just one photo is criminal but I am fond of this one:

And I'm also particularly fond of his photos were he shows... how do I put this classy like?... his man-hair patch above the goods.

DJ: Pubic hair. You can say it. Pubic hair.

K: The picture above is one of my faves cos it's his ecstasy pose

DJ: Do you like to imagine that's the face he makes when he orgasms?

K: ...Yes.

DJ: Not that you think of that often, obviously. You have a boyfriend and everything.

K: No...never. ;)

DJ: Question: Would your boyfriend, Uli, let you have a threesome with River?

K: God yes. He probably wouldn't think twice about it. Niether would I. You have to prepare yourself/your relationship for such situations, come up with a list of "couldn't say nos"

DJ: I'm glad you and Uli have made time to discuss such important issues in your relationship. And I'm glad he understands how important River is to you.

K: If he's isn't willing, he ain't marriage material.

And how about you? Does River not float your boat or would you like to ride the rough River all night long?

Imaginary Boyfriends of 2010

Darren Criss

He managed to make Glee watchable for roughly five minutes with his renditions of 'Teenage Dream' and the originally dire 'Hey Soul Sister.' For that alone, he makes what the original Miracle Worker Anne Sullivan did look like child's play. And he was surprisingly sexy and sultry on 'Baby It's Cold Outside,' his duet with Chris Colfer; Lord knows I wouldn't have refused if he asked me to stay the night.

Ed Drewett

He's a hot Aryan ready and willing to save electropop from the clutches of evil doers who want to see it destroyed. You really can't ask for much more than that, can you?

Michael Fassbender

Literally one week into 2010, I witnessed what is perhaps the most indelible image of the year in Fish Tank: Michael Fassbender, shirtless and with pants barely covering his ass, first appears in the life of the film's protagonist. The rest of the film is pure Fassbender Porn as director Andrea Arnold subsequently makes both Katie Jarvis and the audience slowly fall in pure lust with the man. I thought he was particularly charming in last year's Inglourious Basterds, but 2010 was the year when I wanted Michael Fassbender to put me over his knee and spank me as he does to Katie Jarvis at one point in Fish Tank.

Tom Ford and his muse Nicholas Hoult

While Fish Tank was Fassbender Porn, Tom Ford's directorial debut A Single Man was Nicholas Hoult Porn. I didn't get to see it until early in this year but it was so worth the wait. Ford is clearly in love with Nicholas Hoult's face and spends a good amount of time filling the frame with his wonderful mug. And don't even get me started about That Scene! Nick and Tom clearly know what we all want and aren't afraid to give it to us. While Nick was showing the goods on-screen, Tom brings them every time he makes a public appearance. The man is approaching 50 and is as fuckable as ever. Together, this fabulous duo made 2010 that much sexier.

Andrew Garfield

"Oh Andy!" became a popular expression around my Twitter account in the weeks leading into the release of The Social Network and I haven't stopped using it since. There's simply so much to love about this adorable Brit--his talent, his good looks, his awkwardness, his goofiness--and 2010 offered a smorgasbord of Andy delights. The year started with Red Riding: 1974, a British crime drama which featured Andy as a hulking sex god who...I don't know, solves a crime or something? I honestly remember very little of the actual film besides him sexing Rebecca Hall and his glorious Louis Garrel-esque Sex Hair. Next came Never Let Me Go, which was good but felt like a little bit of a retread of his Boy A work. Finally, we have The Social Network, which is hopefully going to snag him an Oscar nomination come January. He does excellent work in the film, bouncing off Eisenberg's introverted asshole savant with his usual subtlety and nuance. Coming up next: the new Spider Man film which, for once, I'm actually excited about like your average fanboy. But I'm sure it's for far different reasons.

Tom Hardy

After Marion Cotillard, the one thing in Inception that left the most vivid impression on me was the hulking, but equally charismatic, Tom Hardy. He clearly wasn't taking the whole premise seriously and managed to inject some fun into the proceedings, mostly through the sexual tension between him and the uptight Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Towards the end of the year, the internet was flooded with on the set images of Hardy on his new film with Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine called This Means War where he and Pine play best friends who fight over Witherspoon. Any movie where those two go at it is one that is instantly going to the top of my Most Anticipated Movies list.

Francisco Lachowski

Francisco, or Chico as he is affectionately known around the interweb, is one of the most versatile male models on the planet. This Brazilian can do it all: goofy, sensual, sexy, dramatic, intense. And, often, he's able to portray two or three of those at the same time. Chico has a great gift and I hope he continues giving in the next year.

Joe McElderry

I've already gone on at length about why I love La Joe, as we cool kids on Twitter have come to call him, but I still need to mention him on this list. He sings, he dances, he wears leather jackets, he's not interested in Adam Lambert AND he makes me giggle when he falls down. La Joe is clearly a perfect man.

Simon Nessman

This curly-haired Canadian model seems like such a regular, down home guy, especially compared to sexy aloofness that Chico Lachowski and River Viiperi often project. Both types of models are necessary to the modeling world, but Nessman is quite obviously the best at what he does.

Xavier Samuel

I've been in love with Xavier for awhile, but 2010 was the year he made his American breakthrough in the latest installment of the Twilight series. He was so beautiful and so sexy in the film I both forgot about Taylor Lautner momentarily and briefly understood why so many people are turned on by vampires. When he was unceremoniously dragged away by a pack of werewolves to a certain death by the end of the film, I asked my friend in vain if he would be coming back in the next film. Trying to spare my feelings, she told me, "Um, yeah!" The next installment of Twilight will be sorely lacking without this Aussie hunk.

Alexander Skarsgard

The other hot vampire of 2010, Alexander Skarsgard caught my attention earlier this year with his striking good looks and his massive frame. I could only make it through the first season of True Blood, when Alex's hair was so unappealing I could barely muster any sexual interest, but this doesn't prevent me from thinking he's a hot piece of ass.

River Viiperi

This Spanish model made a big breakthrough in 2010 with a wide variety of editorials in a short period of time. His range is nearly as wide as Lachowski's, but he has a signature look in every one of them which sets him apart from nearly every other model in the game. He has clearly taken lessons from Tyra Banks on America's Next Top Model, which is obviously not a bad way to hone your craft.

River Viiperi is a Tyra Fan, Obviously

The more work I see from new "it" model River Viiperi, the more I think that someone's been following the advice Tyra Banks always gives the girls on America's Next Top Model. Case in point:

Work with the clothes, not against them.

Try something new. Go against what you'd expect.

Use props wisely.

Make a "beautiful ugly" face.

This isn't entirely accurate since Tyra hasn't one talked about herself or her career as a supermodel, but I think you catch my drift.