Tonight Is Going to Be So Major, Victoria Beckham Will Be Jealous.

Charlie Chaplin's City Lights is, without a doubt, one of the greatest films ever made and one of my five favorites of all time, and I have the wonderful fortune of seeing it on the big screen tonight! It's going to be so MAJOR! Plus, the film society putting it on is also showing The Rules of the Game and The Lady Eve, two more fantastic classic movie that I love dearly. I can already tell it's going to be a fantastic night!

Weekend Rental Picks

A weekly series in which I try to help emerging cinephiles reduce their anxiety by pointing them in the right direction at their local Blockbuster.

Bamboozled (Spike Lee, 2000)
Only Spike Lee could get away with a film in which a modern day minstrel show- complete with black actors in horrifying blackface- becomes the hottest show on television. Bamboozled will probably turn people off, and it's not a perfect film, per se, but watching a legendary director fly off the deep end trying to get his completely insane vision on film is worth the price. The satire is brilliant and something most directors either wouldn't have bothered commenting on or don't have the balls to make such radical statements. Their truly is only one Spike Lee.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (Sydney Pollack, 1969)
Depressing movie alert! If you are in a suicidal mood, please do not see this movie. Wait until the mood passes and then pop this in your DVD and, trust me, you won't be disappointed. They Shoot Horses, Don't They? is about the desperate characters who join a Depression-era dance marathon. The contest is grueling and takes it's toll- physically, emotionally and psychologically- on the contestants, which includes a hard-as-nails Jane Fonda, a teetering off the edge Susannah York, and a frail Red Buttons with the cocky emcee Gig Young leading everyone on. The film has a perverse pleasure in punishing it's characters, but the punishment is so engrossing to watch.

Les Enfants du Paradis/Children of Paradise (Marcel Carne, 1945)
It's been called the French Gone With the Wind for many years, so it should come as no surprise that Marcel Carne's epic three-hour romance between a French actress (Arletty) and a shy mime (Jean-Louis Barrault) is also one of my favorite films. The film is a stunner to look at, which makes its incredible backstory (it was made during the Nazi occupation and most of the time was spent trying to evade them) that much more incredible and legendary. If you're afraid of the length, don't be; the time flies by and you'll want to watch it again right afterwards. If you can, try to rent the glorious Criterion edition....perfectly beautiful.

VMA Video of the Year Rundown: 2003

My new series in which I go through the nominees for the MTV Video Music Award for Video of the Year in each and every year. Enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments!

Overall: You have to give props to the nominating committee for some of their ballsy choices: a country legend's beautiful swan song, a former boybander stalking his ex-girlfriend and a female rapper (I know, this shouldn't be so shocking, but they hadn't even nominated Missy before). The work from these three is so genius that I'm tempted to forgive them for lazily nominating Eminem yet again and Fiddy for a throwaway of a rap video, cliched even by the genre's standards. I'm really surprised that the most critically acclaimed video of the year- Christina Aguilera's haunting "Beautiful"- not only didn't land a nomination here, but also lost out on nominations across the board to the fun, but less interesting, "Dirrty." Too much controversy, maybe? And since MTV was in such a funky, free-loving mood with their nominees, I'm equally surprised that they didn't go with Coldplay's Memento-like "The Scientist," with it's impressive special effects and headscratching narrative that goes in reverse.

The Best of the Nominees:
Missy Elliott "Work It" # # # # #
Directed by Missy Elliott and Dave Meyers
To those of us who enjoy hip hop music but hate most of the nameless, overworked crap that's being released everyday (and, somehow, burning up the Top 40 charts), the return of Missy Elliott every year or two is often considered on par with the resurrection of Jesus. Not only is her music hot, but her music videos are often on the cutting edge and always offer something that we haven't seen before. Atoning for missing not only "Get Ur Freak On," but also "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)" and "One Minute Man," MTV handed their Best Video prize to "Work It," her most interesting and out-there video we've seen from her yet. The video begins with the image of hundreds of flies covering Missy and the turntable next to her, possibly suggesting the decay of the old Missy and the start of something new from her (coincidentally, she had just lost a bunch of weight before this video). This is contrasted with a shot of a deserted, decaying playground (the hip hop landscape without Missy, perhaps?) and Missy entering in the only way she can- on her back, gliding across the ground. Bold statements, but she more than proves that she can back these up with this video and her confident, breezy rapping on "Work It." On first glance, the video doesn't seem to be anything particularly noteworthy, but in the context of hip hop videos of today (like, for example, the sordid other nominees in this category) it's a complete breath of fresh air. Like Eminem and Outkast, Missy shows that all hip hop videos don't have to be as "cool" as Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" or Juvenile's "Back That Thang Up," with their numerous scantily-clad women, Cristal drinking and so much bling the viewer is nearly blinded- they can be silly, jokey and have a good time without resorting to sex. "Work It" doesn't take itself too seriously and that's why it's so brilliant (and one of the best choices MTV has ever made for their top prize).
(Watch here)

The Rest (in order):
Johnny Cash "Hurt" # # # # #
Directed by Mark Romanek
It was a nearly impossible task to choose between Missy and Johnny Cash, since both videos suited their respective songs in completely different ways. Missy won out, but Cash's "Hurt" is nothing to be poo-pooed on. In these four short minutes, I feel like I understand Cash better than from the two hours I spent Walk the Line. Combining images of Cash today with random stock footage from Cash's past produces a chilling effect that obviously inspired the brilliant finale to La Vie en Rose. We get the sense of this is what he was and this is what he's become: has he made the right choices and should we be applauding this man? The editing of the video is gorgeous, with the images building up next to the loud pounding of the piano and then slowing down when he goes back into the verse. It's done with such taste and a mastery of technique that it never feels like an overload, just an intricate symphony of images. No matter how you look at it, "Hurt" is a touching swan song for the immortal "Man in Black." The nomination for Cash is a complete surprise, a welcome throwback to the early days of the VMA's when MTV went for Herbie Hancock and Godley & Creme over the sillier teenie bopper and hair metal stuff, and proof that MTV still has a couple of surprises in their hat.
(Watch here)

Justin Timberlake "Cry Me a River" # # # # #
Directed by Francis Lawrence
The saying "Revenge is a dish best served cold," opens up both Kill Bill movies, but I think it also applies to Justin Timberlake's solo breakthrough song and video. Obviously aimed at Timberlake's ex at the time, Britney Spears, both the song and the video take potshot after potshot at her, deriding her for her infidelity and claiming that she was never "there" for JT while he was as attentive as could be. No one will ever know what really happened there, but the revenge JT gets in the "Cry Me a River" video is proof enough that something happened that really set him off. The ups and downs JT rides throughout the video is mesmerizing. At first, he seems emotionally detached from the whole situation and wholly intent on making her pay. No emotions show on his face when he throws that stone into the glass doors and enters the house. Later, when he's making out with the random chick on his ex's bed, nothing seems more important than this "fuck you" factor he's going for; he's not even paying attention to the girl, he's staring straight into the camera, right through to his ex. When his ex comes back and JT follows her throughout the house, smelling her hair and reaching out to touch her, he wants to reconnect, remembering how good things used to be, and it's incredibly hard for him to resist this natural impulse. Before he give in though, he leaves with the image of him making out with the random chick on a loop- the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. "Cry Me a River" is so textured and gorgeous that the only reason it's not rated a complete 5 out of 5 is for that awkward middle section between the break-in and the make out; what exactly is the point of the weird, special effects dancing that takes place during this 30 seconds? It screams filler to me and makes me wish that Francis Lawrence had done something a little more imaginative to fill in this time.
(Watch here)

Eminem "Lose Yourself" # # # # #
Directed by Phillip Atwell, Paul Rosenburg and Eminem
There's no doubt in my mind concerning the brilliance of "Lose Yourself" the song: along with Missy's "Work It" and Outkast's "Ms. Jackson," it's the most brilliant rap/hip hop song of the decade. But we're talking videos here and the video for "Lose Yourself" is the antithesis of all of Eminem's earlier videos (no matter how dated they look now). This video is sluggish, trite and nearly unwatchable. Basically, "Lose Yourself" is nearly 80% clips from 8 Mile with a couple of awkward shots with Eminem rapping directly into the camera and a strange shot of Eminem returning home to Hailey (I presume that's her anyways) that fits only one line in the song. I will give the video that the clips of Eminem throwing up into the toilet from 8 Mile are appropriately placed in context with the song and, when Eminem raps about Mekhi Pfeiffer, there's a shot of Mekhi Pfeiffer to get the message across. Other than that, there's absolutely nothing innovative about this video that warranted a Best Video nomination (his fourth of five consecutive nominations) other than the fact that the song is amazingly epic (and amazingly important).
(Watch here)

50 Cent "In Da Club" # # # # #
Directed by Phillip Atwell
The video for 50 Cent's breakthrough song "In Da Club" thinks it's saying something positive about Fiddy's ascension to fame, by training him, so to speak, for his eminent superstardom, but it actually comes across as quite the opposite. The training sequences suggest to me that any talentless hack can be sent to Eminem's "boot camp" and, in just a few lessons and cardio sessions, become a top rapper. As if this sequence isn't misguided enough, the rest of video is consists of Fiddy, quite literally, in da club doing all of the horrible rap video cliches that I praised Missy Elliott for avoiding in "Work It." I understand MTV's inclination to nominate this newcomer who seemingly came out of nowhere with this massive hit (and it's actually not that bad of a song, just nowhere near as impressive or groundbreaking as we thought in 2003), but that doesn't mean Fiddy deserved to be anywhere this shortlist.
(Watch here)

The Most Obnoxious Sharpay and Ryan Act Not Done By Sharpay and Ryan

I had never heard of the British duo Same Difference until reading a post about them on Popjustice and stumbled upon this clip on Youtube. Hearing a snippet of their upcoming single "We Are One," I decided to investigate. Apparently, they competed on the British talent show The X Factor (which boasts Simon Cowell and Sharon Osbourne as judges) and made it all the way to third place. The fact that they did so well is further proof just how completely different America and Britain really are. These two would have gotten crucified on American Idol if they recreated this relentlessly upbeat and cheerful rendition of the Wham! classic "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." America hates unapologetically cheesy pop music and would have laughed these two seemingly lovely people off the stage.

On another note, doesn't this look exactly like a deleted music scene from one of the High School Musical films? Can't you imagine Sharpay and Ryan completely dominating everyone else with a performance like this during some random audition or rehearsal?

Ooooh....Kinky

Is anyone else really turned on by this?

Kinky sex games not your thing? How about this...

I guess I still have a little white trash in me.

"Say Hi to Your Mother For Me"

I have no idea why this is so funny, but I crack up everytime I watch it. Congrats Andy Samberg, that accent is dead on!

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

For no reason whatsoever, I completely detest Tim Robbins as an actor.

He's been in a couple of great films (Bull Durham, The Shawshank Redemption), some generally good films (The Player, The Hudsucker Proxy) and he directed the great anti-death penalty film Dead Man Walking, but I just can't stand looking at Tim Robbins whenever I see him on screen. He does absolutely nothing for me as an actor. I've seen a pile of dirty laundry with more personality than Tim Robbins. And the Lord only knows what Susan Sarandon sees in him to keep her interested for 20 years. She's so fabulous and he's so meh.

A Compliment (?) from Rachel Zoe

"Oh my God, Rants of a Diva is so f-ing fabulous I want to stab myself and then jump off a ten-story building."

Has anyone else had the misfortune of witnessing The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo? Is it not like the most annoying show on the planet? I swear to God that half of the show consists of Rachel and her useless dolt assistants sitting around, talking on a phone and repeating "Oh my God" over and over again. Even the slightest setback is a tragedy on par with Hamlet. Then, whenever she sees a dress that she likes, it's always so amazing that she wants to inflict bodily harm on herself. Ugh, nothing annoys me more than people who talk like this in a non-ironic way. I was better off two weeks ago when I had no idea who the hell Rachel Zoe was.

My Best Post Blog-a-thon: What the Christ do Victoria Beckham, The Brothers Jonas and Jean-Pierre Léaud Have in Common?

He Shot Cyrus is hosting the My Best Post Blog-a-thon in which bloggers are invited to share their best or favorite post to entice other readers who may be unfamiliar with their blogs. It's an ingenious idea and when I was invited, I immediately accepted. Being indecisive, however, I had a real problem deciding what was my "best" post. I narrowed it down to three and I'm afraid that's as low as I can go. I feel that these best represent my abilities as a writer and what I try to do with Rants of a Diva: slightly serious but always silly and sarcastic. So, in no particular order, here are my three favorite posts:

Rants on Stolen Kisses
Unlike most of America, I've never succumbed to sequelitis...that is, until Francois Truffaut's sequel to The 400 Blows.

Random Top 10: Victoria Beckham Quotes from Spice World
I'm one of the few who still love Spice World and this is a silly look at one of the most underrated performances of the 90's.

Rants on Camp Rock
I love ripping a new one on terrible movies and Camp Rock is one of the worst of the year.

Don't Get Mad. Get Everything.

Believe it or not, up until a couple of days ago, I had never seen The First Wives Club (Hugh Wilson, 1996) or, to tell you the truth, even had the slightest interest in it. But then, while hanging out with a couple of friends, it came on TV and we decided to watch it. In retrospect, I don't know what the hell I was thinking, because not only is The First Wives Club supreme escapist fun, but it also contains a cast that would give any serious actressexual a wet dream: Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Dame Maggie Smith, Sarah Jessica Parker, Eileen Heckart and Marcia Gay Harden. So what if the plot is a little predictable; every minute with these amazingly classy women is an utter joy. The main trio of Keaton, Midler and Hawn handle the overused comedic situations they are given like old pros and give them fresh spins that are funnier than they should have been. The "fall-out" scene where Midler and Hawn hurl non-stop insults at each other, one right after another, while Keaton stands back and refuses to take a side and ends up with a "merry-go-slap" was a thing of beauty. What about that fabulous musical finale? Check out the clip below (don't worry, there aren't any spoilers here) and tell me you don't feel a swell of emotion as they strut their stuff down the street to Lesley Gore's "You Don't Own Me". These few moments nearly contain as much Girl Power as Spice World and that's never a bad thing. B+

Confession Sundays

For the lapsed Catholic in all of us- a new series in which I confess my deepest, darkest secrets before Oprah and The Madonna and wait for my atonement.

I like The Madonna's Hard Candy more than Confessions on a Dance Floor

I realize this may not seem like a huge deal, but among Madonna fans, Confessions is the masterpiece and Hard Candy is just a mild diversion until her next, greater album. While I enjoy Confessions a great deal ("Hung Up" is one of the finest songs of The Madonna's career and "Sorry," "I Love New York," and "Jump" are great as well) I just don't find it as stimulating as Hard Candy. I can put Confessions on and play the whole thing without even realizing that there are 12 tracks instead of one long song. For some people, this may be a positive and I have nothing against that, but I like a little variety when listening to an album. Hard Candy has this variety I desire (how many albums can go from the 80's throwback "Heartbeat" to something as deep and personal as "Miles Away"?) and, consequently, I have listened to it many more times than Confessions.

RIP Paul Newman

Add one more name to the list that makes 2008 the saddest years for Hollywood deaths in recent memory. Paul Newman, film legend since the mid-50's, has passed away after a battle with cancer. Not only was he a 10 time Academy Award nominee (8 for Best Actor, 1 for Best Supporting Actor and 1 for Best Picture) and a sex symbol long into his 60's, but he was also a huge humanitarian, donating all of the proceeds from his line of salad dressings and other foods to charity, among other things. He was a very great man and will be sorely missed.

Paul Newman was a very important figure in my appreciation of classic films. One of my first memories of him was watching Cat on a Hot Tin Roof when I was getting started with my film obsession. I was about 15 and happened to catch it on PBS late one night and I instantly fell in love. His chemistry with Elizabeth Taylor was electric and they drew things out of each other that I had never seen before. If this was acting back then, I wanted to see more of it. I think his best performance was as the desperate pool shark in The Hustler three years later and his Oscar loss that year is one of the biggest travesties in their long, sordid history.

RIP Paul.

Weekend Rental Picks

Broadcast News (James L. Brooks, 1987)
James L. Brooks is perhaps better known today for the mega-weepie Terms of Endearment and the infamous As Good As It Gets, which earned Helen Hunt an Oscar over a lineup including Dame Judi Dench and Julie Chrisite, but Broadcast News, his nearly forgotten, rarely discussed film from 1987, is his real masterpiece. Broadcast News is about so many things-- male/female relationships, a love triangle, ethics of the TV news, the wackiness that goes on behind the scenes, women in power-- but, unlike most films that would crumble under all that heft, Brooks' film thrives under the pressure. Broadcast News is funny, literate and beautifully done, the type of smart film that we sadly don't see much of anymore. And what a cast: Holly Hunter excels in one of her first big roles, Albert Brooks gives Woody Allen a run for his money as the most neurotic actor around and William Hurt, whom I never thought much of as an actor beforehand, is fantastic as the "dumb jock" who gets by in life on his looks.

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (Frank Capra, 1936)
It Happened One Night and It's a Wonderful Life are Frank Capra's masterpieces, but Mr. Deeds Goes to Town is my favorite film of his. Silly, but never ridiculous; dreamily romantic, but never sappy; idealistic, but never preachy- it's the type of film only Frank Capra could do and get away with (as evidenced by the abysmal failure that was the Adam Sandler remake a few years ago). Gary Cooper and Jean Arthur both give their best performances as the common man fighting the corrupt system and the newswoman who first laughs at Cooper's foreigness but later commends it, respectively.

La Strada (Federico Fellini, 1956)
Federico Fellini would quickly become a more sophisticated (and, as a result, less accessible) filmmaker after the worldwide success of this film. To me, however, nothing that I've seen of his (except for, possibly, the first half of La Dolce Vita) has ever come close to the beautiful, humanistic La Strada. Giulietta Masina plays the impish, Chaplin-esque wife of a brutish strongman (Anthony Quinn) and Fellini follows their exploits all around the Italian countryside. La Strada is touching, precious, gently funny and enormously charming; if you're going to try Fellini, this is the perfect place to start.

The Eternal Struggle Between Good and Evil Played Out on My Conscious Over the Sex Drive Trailer

Evil: This movie is nothing but insipid teenage/college student trash that Hollywood throws at us every other week.

Good: But James Marsden is in it!

Evil: It's nothing but a ripoff of Eurotrip (and that film was shitty enough)!

Good: But James Marsden is being silly!

Evil: Miracle at St. Anna had a funnier trailer than this pile of dreck.

Good: But James Marsden gets to be a big goofball and remember how much we loved him the last time he did that?

Evil: James Marsden can't save a film as dire looking as this.

Good: True, but if I sat through Prom Night for Brittany Snow, I can sit through anything for my cinematic loves...and James Marsden is so funny!

Today in "No Shit. We Knew This Five Years Ago" News

How is this news to anyone? Kathy Griffin's been saying this for years.